The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 12/01/10
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Wednesday December 1, 2010
More Mikeython plans are revealed as the countdown begins in this last month of 2010. LOB wants the last day of her twenties to go out with a bang. The Wikileaks guy who is on the run from the government is not accused of being a rapist. The cast can’t believe the list of things that are not on the top ten most googled terms. Mikey gets into a heated argument about Britany Spears and Elvis with LOB and Woods. Crazy Arizona quarterback Derek Anderson’s tirade is scrutinized with hilarious results. Sienna has trouble at the crosswalk. WoS has hot stove Padre news and funny NBA audio. M1 S-Dog calls in to announce she is now M1 Blessed Dog. Matt Lauer giggles like a schoolgirl when a woman talks about package sizes and Jay goes right after Mikey’s package! The gang talks about their favorite prank monkey moments that include a frozen turd and Jay’s elaborate prank on Jeff and Jer. Mikey reads a cleverly worded note brought in with a new IPod for M1 S-Dog than the host talks about Be Different’s trials and tribulations. Callers give their opinions and we learn more about rejoinders and Mikey’s dropping out of high school. M1 Pornstar calls in (she really is a pornstar) and Mikey asks her about the business. Nothing makes a 40 year old dude happier than rocking out to some Slaughter. The Mikey Show Kook visits Burger King and gets a sure to be spitted on order of grub after pestering the drive-thru clerk. Charles Barkley claims Michael Jordan has a Hitler mustache. A big argument erupts when Woods compares his dogs to Sienna’s newborn and work schedule. Magic Johnson loves him some good grammar and is rumored to be an NFL owner in Los Angeles. An irate Luke calls in ranting and raving about everything that bothers him. Pumpers love to pump. And Jay loves playing creeper sound effects. Mikey and team debate holiday tipping and he get called a monster for not knowing his mailman’s name. Hilary gets treated to O Holy Night and falls in love. $kittles hip hops his way onto the show before signing out.
Bumper Music
1. STP: WICKED GARDEN
2. ERIC CLAPTON: THE CORE
3. VAN HALEN: MEAN STREET
4. STAIND: SO FAR AWAY
5. ROLLING STONES: STREET FIGHTING MAN
6. RYAN BINGHAM: BLUEBIRD
7. ELTON JOHN: TINY DANCER
8. RUN DMC: RAISING HELL
9. REMY ZERO: SAVE ME
10. SLAUGHTER: FLY TO THE ANGELS
11. TESLA: MODERN DAY COWBOY
12. SOUNDGARDEN: RUSTY CAGE
13. TOTO: HOLD THE LINE
14. SIA: BREATHE ME
Mikey‑thon charity eventBurger King fancy food bitWord of the day jollyLinkin Park ticketsWikiLeaks and Julian AssangeWisconsin school hostageSamuel HengelDerek Anderson sideline laughterBe Different wristband campaignPorn star interviewSusan Boyle frog‑in‑throatElvis vs Britney debate
The hosts previewed the upcoming Mikey‑thon charity marathon, with Woodsy attempting to order a fancy croissan‑wich at Burger King as a humorous promo bit. They spent considerable time discussing WikiLeaks and Julian Assange’s legal troubles, then shifted to a tragic school hostage situation in Wisconsin involving Samuel Hengel. The program also featured a heated debate about Derek Anderson’s sideline laughter, promoted the Be Different anti‑bullying wristband, interviewed a porn star who endorsed the campaign, and closed with a shocked reaction to Susan Boyle’s frog‑in‑throat singing mishap.
What happened, in order
Burger King Fancy Food Bit
Woodsy attempts to order a fancy croissan-wich at Burger King as a comedy bit for the Mikey-thon promo.
Word of the Day Jolly Prize
The hosts announce the word of the day is jolly, offering tickets to Linkin Park and a Mikey Show shirt to callers who hear it used.
WikiLeaks Julian Assange Discussion
They discuss Julian Assange's rape investigation, the WikiLeaks leaks, and debate whether the charges are legitimate.
Wisconsin School Hostage Incident
Sienna reports on a 15‑year‑old student, Samuel Hengel, who took hostages at Marionette High School before shooting himself.
Derek Anderson Sideline Outburst
The crew plays audio of Arizona Cardinals QB Derek Anderson angrily confronting a reporter about laughing on the sideline during a loss.
Be Different Wristband Campaign
Mikey explains the Be Different black wristband as a reminder to act kindly and counteract selfish impulses.
Porn Star Caller Praises Be Different
An anonymous porn‑star caller discusses how the Be Different message aligns with her Buddhist beliefs and praises the wristband concept.
Susan Boyle Frog‑in‑Throat Moment
The show reacts to Susan Boyle’s on‑air struggle where she appears to have a frog in her throat while singing Oh Holy Night.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsyLauren O'BrienSiennaJayWillM1 BearM1 S dogM1 CassidyM1PDM1 LaylaM1 LaneM1 TimM1Will
29,723 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I do. That's the greatest. That's right, it could. It could be the Mikey Show on the radio and letting you call in at 570-1949. Or you can text us 949mikey at gmail.com. I was too quiet this morning, and Woodsy said, why are you so quiet? I think it's because I woke up late, went to bed late, long day yesterday. When I got here, it was dark. When I left, it was dark. But had a great, great time with you guys doing our planning session and meeting, getting ready for the Mikey-thon. Brace yourselves. Brace yourselves. Yep. We got some ideas coming to you.
The Mikey-thon, let's see. Let's go to the timer. And I'll tell you exactly how long you have to wait in. And if you go to MikeyShow.com, you will see the official timer. It's now 14 days, 23 hours, 56 minutes until Mikey-thon. Wow. Crazy. Mikey-thon is the Mikey Show broadcasting for 28 straight hours. 28 straight hours. And listen, it is, if you don't believe that we're really on for 28 hours, All you have to do is call us. You can call us. Try us. Yeah. We're on the whole time. You can call us at 2 in the morning. We will be on. And we're raising money for Rady Children's Hospital and doing that for their ADI center. That's really cool. That's our Autism Discovery Institute. Let's see. We're doing Mikey Show Cook this morning at 8.30. Yeah. It's going to be great. So we're sending Woodsy out. And he's going to, Woodsy is going to go to a Burger King today. Right? Yes. And you are going to order very, like, fancy food. That's going to be the bit this morning. Should go over well. It's going to be funny. They have fancy food at Burger King, right? No. Oh, no. They have croissandwiches there. That's kind of fancy. I mean, a croissant.
Is fancy. It is. It might create a little bit of friction. But, you know, it's now a croissan-wich. Yum. So, delicious. Croissan-wich. The word of the day today is jolly. Old St. Nicholas. Yeah, that's right. The word of the day is jolly. Is there any tape over there, Sienna? It's December 1st. Can you believe it? It is. That makes me jolly. Payday. That wasn't the word of the day, sorry. Tomorrow is... Lauren's birthday. Friday's my wife's birthday. Yeah. L.O.B. is going to be 30. 30. Yeah. Do you care, L.O.B.? I do. You don't want it? I don't. I've come to grips with it because I've been saying it for so long, but in the last, like, two months, I've been holding on to that 29 like it's gold. Yes, you're in your 20s. Yeah. You are in your 20s. Today, you are in your 20s. Today. Today's the last day you're in your 20s. Today's the last day. You better wild out tonight. Yeah, I know. That's what BFMC said. My boyfriend, Matt Commerce, he was like, enjoy those 20s. Maybe you just leave him at home and you go to TJ tonight. He said, you want to go out with a bang? I said, yeah, go to bed early. Yeah, maybe you go to TJ tonight and you have a guy in a referee outfit pouring alcohol into your mouth with a whistle. Yeah, that would be fun. While you're sitting in a barber's chair and they're spinning you around. I just won't go to bed. I'll just show up Thursday.
Little hair of the dog will come in. Sure. That'd be great. Feeling great. L.O.B. comes in tomorrow bald. My nose pierced together. Yeah. Pierced shut. Yeah. Big bruise on her temple. I'm like, what? Tattoo on her boob. No matter you. Big dragon tat on her boob. Yeah. What are you looking at? Yeah. Yeah. I would love it. I think I saw your brother. Word of the day, Jolly. So, by the way, prize for word of the day today, a pair of tickets to see Lincoln Park at Viejas Arena. Nice. Formerly known as Cox Arena, right? Yeah. Now it's known as Viejas Arena. And we'll also throw on a Mikey Show t-shirt if you hear me work the word Jolly into a sentence. Sweetly. So real sweetly. So much going on in the news. The WikiLeaks, if you don't know what WikiLeaks is, it's a website that this guy started doing where he gave away a lot of really top secrets from our government. And who knows how he got his hands on it. Yeah. Crazy stuff like going on in Afghanistan and all kinds of stuff that the government doesn't want people to know. Yeah. So Interpol, as of yesterday, put the founder, his name is Julian Assange.
And he's on now on the most wanted list after Sweden issued an arrest warrant against him for a rape investigation. Yeah, really, really crazy crime. Now, this guy, he's denied the charges. However, no one knows where he is right now. Well, and here's the thing. It makes you wonder, OK, is it really? Is it real? Did he really do it? Or are they just inventing this so that they can get him off the street? Either way, I don't care. Yep, and get rid of him so that he stops posting all this stuff. Where did he get it? I don't know. Where did he get this stuff? He's a hacker. He's a hacker. Yeah, that's what they say. He's a hacker. Yeah, so there's an investigation going on right now. They have to try to find him because they don't know where he is, but traveling is not going to be easy for him as of right now. He can't get on a plane. I think that's really a dirty, dirtball thing to do. Yeah. to release information that can put our country at jeopardy. For sure. And I don't care if he's from here or not. I don't know anything about him. I just know that he's a creep. I don't believe this, but wouldn't you say if the country didn't have anything to hide, they wouldn't have to worry about it? Well, I do think we have things to hide. I know, but I mean... That are important that we hide. You know, that we should hide. Yeah. You know, that every country has things that should remain proprietary. Right.
Only they know about. And it's for their safety and their, you know. The troops. Yeah, and for the safety of their people, you know. And that's why it's just so ugly, you know. Yeah, so we'll see what happens. But that's a pretty big charge to put rape on someone if that's not true. Yeah. We'll see. Let's see. M1 Bear from Tierra Santa is online. I used to live there. What's going on, Bear? What's up, guys? Good morning. Hey, so this Friday is my wife and my fifth anniversary. There you go. Congrats. Thank you, thank you. And when I first came down to San Diego, I took her to dinner, and she told me she just wanted to go to someplace unique. And I ended up taking her to, at the time, I didn't know where this place was, but Hamburger Mary's. Yeah, I've heard of it. Oh, yeah. Okay, that was my hot date, and, you know, it's up there in Hillcrest, and we went on a cowboy night, so needless to say, it was a very interesting night. Yeah, I would think so. More than likely. I'm calling because you guys should be fine connoisseurs of good food, and I'm curious, you know, if you guys could throw out maybe a couple suggestions on where I might be able to go for her. You want to go to a nice place?
Yeah, definitely a nice place. Pamplemousse. Pamplemousse, I mean, like, listen. I've eaten at Pamplemousse a hundred million times because it's my favorite restaurant ever. But I still choose to go there on special occasions. I mean, on special occasions, it's still my go-to. To me, it's the best. It's just, the food just tastes really, really good. And the other thing about it is that it's not pretentious. It's not like when you go in there, you don't feel like you're in some schmancy, fancy place. That you don't belong. Yeah. I don't want to go into a place where I feel self-conscious about, oh, do I know the rules to being here? It's great people watching, too. Oh, yeah. And the thing is, it's a nice restaurant, though. Don't get Mike wrong. Yeah. But a lot of times you go to a nice restaurant, you don't get any food. You leave Pamplemousse and you're like, oh my God, I can't eat for two days. What's that dessert that's so good there? Peanut butter mom. Peanut butter mom. The banana's foster. The banana's foster. The apple tart make you slap yourself. Yep. The whole thing is delicious. Make you slap yourself. It's so good you'll slap yourself. You will. We're going to get our drinks. Oh, chicken, chicken. There you go. The other thing about Pamplemousse is that they take, the owner of the joint is a guy named Jeffrey.
Who came here. He came here from New York. All right. And he was very successful in New York. And they do this thing called a Zagat Guide in every city that tells you like the best tasting places. And he was very successful and was always into Zagat Guide. And he came out and he visited San Diego and they loved it so much. He opened a place called Pample. It was just fantastic. But here's the thing about it. Yeah. He is a magician when it comes to food. He takes regular food and then he turns it. up a notch. He amplifies comfort food. So he'll take macaroni and cheese and he'll make this incredible mac and cheese. He'll take a grilled cheese sandwich and he'll put lobster in it and suddenly it's incredible. It's amazing. The cowboy ribeye is incredible. That makes my mouth water. He'll take a hamburger and he'll make it like the greatest hamburger you've ever had that Craig Gass has to have every time he's in town. Makes it with Kobe beef. Kobe beef burger. So check it out, dude. I love pig feet. No pig feet on the menu. Weird. By the way, just so people know, the funny thing about Pample Moose is that they are not a paid advertiser. I just love the food. It's delicious. It's just the best damn restaurant I've ever eaten at, period. It must be good if it's free advertisement. Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate it. All right, bro. Happy anniversary. Get some.
Get some. Happy anniversary. Get some. I think he will. Oh, you know he will. It's Jay's phrase. It's a guarantee. Jay's cat's phrase. He's really trying to make it take off. Yeah. It's working. Keep some. It works. Keep some. Keep some. Oh, man. That's a good one. Get some. Let's see. What are the top... search things in 2010 that people are Googling and searching for in search engines. Bieber? Can we guess? Bieber is number eight on the list of top ten. Gaga. Lady Gaga, number five. Porn. Porn. Porn is not on here. Tiger Woods. Nope, not on the list. Uchitel. Rachel Uchitel. Not on the list. Tiger's Mistresses. Nope. Big Jugs. Number one. WikiLeaks. No. Wow. Taylor Swift. Not on the list. John Mayer. Not on the list. Bedbugs. Bedbugs! That's a great guess, but it's not on the list. What? What's something really big that happened in the United States this year? The new Mikey show. Yeah, fair enough. Number one! Dancing with the Stars. American Idol's number nine.
Something really big that happened in the United States this year was the oil spill. Number one on the list. Well done. BP oil spill. That's right. Best we forget. Yeah, no kidding. The World Cup was number two. Yeah. And now there's a bunch of girls. Miley Cyrus, number three. Kim Kardashian, number four. Really? Like I said, Lady Gaga, number five. By the way, can I just say, I didn't used to get Kim Kardashian. And I get it now. I don't now. Oh, I love Kim Kardashian. Oh, you used to and don't now? I used to, I don't now. L.O.B. or Sienna showed me a picture the other day of her in the water. On the beach. One of you guys showed it to you. Maybe it was Jamie. She has the biggest ass I have ever seen. Who cares? She looks great. She has a very pretty face. Her ass is like the back of a bus. And I saw it and I was like, holy cow. Was it the one where she was painted all gold? No. She was like in the water and it was a butt shot. And I go, oh boy, look at that.
Some people like that. Yeah, people are in on it. I think most guys like the trunk. That is a big trunk. Junk in the trunk. What's he going to do with all that junk? It's uncomfortably large. For me, for my taste. My deal with her was that, A, I wasn't sure what she did for a living until I interviewed her, and then I had to, as politely and tactfully as I could, say to her, I don't know what you're famous for. I've got a sheet in front of me to interview you. But it still is unclear, really, what you do. That's what got her out there. Her father, I think, was what started. Her father was Robert Kardashian. I knew that. Yeah, OJ's attorney. In fact, I told her that. I said, the one thing that I do know about you is that your dad was the guy that drove OJ on the famous 405 slow-speed chase. And he was. Yeah, he was, Woods. Yes. I thought his friend Al Callings. You're right, Woods. It was Al Callings. It was Al Callings. Kardashian was his attorney. And so, well, he was one of his attorneys. Yeah, yeah, he had 15 of them. Yeah, and they were also good friends. Yeah. Well, she was very nice about it, actually, and explained to me that the reason that she was famous, in her opinion, was because she had various lines of clothing and products that she markets. And I said, oh, okay, well, that's cool. Now, since then, I've realized that that's not really what she's famous for. She's famous for her looks.
She's famous for her butt, which is big. But some guys think it's cool. And she's also famous because she has a TV show called The Kardashians. Keeping up with the Kardashians. And now there's a new one, which I'm very excited about. Courtney and Kim take New York. Yeah. Now, I think that she is beautiful. I think that she's a beautiful, beautiful woman. Yes. And I think that if I were her manager, I would try to steer her away from the sexy image and go more for the elegant, beautiful image because I think she could make more money that way. A little late. I think so. It's a little late. I don't see her as like trashy. I see her as like a Salma Hayek, like a curvy, beautiful. Salma Hayek doesn't have a filthy sex tape. Yeah, and Salma Hayek has actually... I've never seen it. I've never knew about Kim Kardashian's sex tape. I've seen it. Have you seen it? Yes. I've seen it. Badass. Salma Hayek didn't have a reality show either. Right. She's done work as an actress. She's got some talent. Yeah, she's actually got talent. Right. That's the difference. Yes. So Kim Kardashian was number four. Lady Gaga, like I said, was number five. Megan Fox, number seven. Justin Bieber, number eight.
iPhone was number six. Probably just from you. Yeah. You tipped the scales. I think that's true. Number nine, American Idol. And number 10, still hanging on, Britney Spears. Oh, wow. Yeah. People still are in on Britney Spears. What is our obsession with Britney Spears? What is our interest in Britney Spears? Something about her continues to... fascinate us. And as I think through it, I think the tipping point for Britney Spears was when she shaved her head because she transcended being just a pop star. Now she became crazy and there was something about that to us that really got us. I think it's been from day one when Britney Spears Hit Me Baby One More Time came out. She's just one of those people that, I mean, we know her voice is not amazing. She's a great dancer, or at least was a great dancer. But she's just one of those people that can get your attention, get everyone's attention. And people are just drawn to her. Yeah, it's true. Jake is dressed like a schoolgirl, and I'm going to watch. Yeah, he's going to. It got me. I was in college. Was I in college? Was I in college? Everyone was in on that.
And I saw that and I went, oh, wow. How old is she? She has the same birthday as me, except I'm a year older. There you go. So she'll be turning 29 tomorrow. I knew that. I will not be. I knew that. You'll be turning 30. You look younger than Britney Spears. Thanks. A lot. But yeah, I was like intrigued by her because I found, I was like, wow, that's a hot video. Who is that lady? And I was like, oh my gosh, she's younger than me. Well, when I saw it, I knew she wasn't a lady. I knew she was a girl. Well, when you're... Not yet a woman. Not yet a woman. Not yet a woman. But I also knew I was all in. 100% in. But I knew she wasn't a woman. Well, I was like 16 at the time, so anyone over the age of 17 felt... Was she 15 when she did that? Oh, wow. Listen, I got to tell you this, too, because there's something that, you know, Woods, you and I have gone round and round about this. Woods gives Britney a hard time. Like, she doesn't have any talent. She can't sing. Well, you say she can't sing. Dude, she can't. She's not a good singer. Okay. Well, I've always said that I think that we are, we judge everybody because of the times we live in. And I say, listen, there's other people, the same thing. But when I say this, this is going to be so unpopular.
But I actually made the observation driving in the car yesterday because it came on the radio, and I was with my wife, Rebecca, and I said, he can't sing. And she goes, you're right. You're crazy. Don't you dare. He can't sing. He's a crooner, dude. Not that song. Put on Suspicious Minds or Kentucky Rain and blow your mind. He is no more. of a singer than Britney Spears. You are out? Of your mind. You're out of your mind. Hear me out on this. They didn't have auto-tune. Hear me out. Hear me out. What I will say is, is that I don't believe that Elvis Presley, let me rephrase. Elvis Presley, hang on. I'll rephrase it for you.
I'll rephrase it. I retract my statement. Let's have the stenographer remove it from the record. Take it off the court. Let's fill the dirt from the hole you just dug. We'll fill it right back in. Fill it up, but I'm going to dig a new one. Okay. New shovel, new hole. Here's what the new hole says. He is an average singer, just like Britney Spears. Who's a great singer. A great singer is Frank Sinatra. No. No. A great singer is Frank Sinatra, who I believe had real tonality. No, I am not. I completely agree with you, Mike. Frank Sinatra is not that good of a singer. He was hooked up with the mafia, and that's how he got it. No, Frank is so smooth. Elvis is smooth. If you can name 10 Elvis songs, I'll buy you. Why do I have to name 10 Britney songs? I know. I know like three. Okay, and I know more than three Elvis ones. But I'm telling you, Elvis can sing, dude. That's terrible. He's doing his bit. That's him doing a bit. But I agree with that. I think that Elvis can be compared to Britney because there's something about...
Not their singing that draws people. Thank you. It isn't their singing. He was revolutionary. Right. When you invent something or when you help perfect something like Elvis did with rock and roll. Like Britney did. Yes. What did she perfect? Pop music made it off the charts. You know, whether you believe it or not doesn't make it any less true. And same for you. No, dude. I give you Elvis. I'm not denying Elvis. Right. Elvis is an icon. He's an icon. In fact, he deserves to be called the king. He's the king. No doubt. Hints the name. Hints the name. No doubt. Yeah. Because he was the first of a group of average talents that turned. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Average life. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out on this. He is the first among a group of a lot of average talented people. Wow. that turned the whole package into a dynasty. Here's the other ones that had average talent that turned it into a dynasty. There was Elvis. There was also, in the 80s, someone named Madonna who had average talent but turned this whole thing, image, look, everything, turned it all into an icon. Sure.
And Britney Spears. Britney Spears had average talent, but she took those good, sexy looks and threw it into a cool marketing package and threw some autotune on it. And you got an icon. Whether you accept it or not, Britney Spears, she's an icon. Dude, I can dig the fact that she's an icon. There's no question. Elvis Presley can sing. And Elvis Presley can sing his ass off. I'll play you songs that will blow you. You ever heard Kentucky Rain? You ever heard that tune? It's a great tune. Bro. It'll knock you on your butt. It's so good. I bet it would not knock me on my butt. If it doesn't, I'm gonna. started the whole she's a front woman like dancing on her own and dancing really sexy the whole choreographed dance yeah she started all of that what about madonna though what about jenna jackson she didn't do the sexy like yeah i guess jenna jackson kind of yeah you think uh you think elvis didn't do the sexy thing no he shook his hips the guy was sexy yeah he's a sharp cat yeah he was a sharp good good looking guy who could sing like a mofo he was the male madonna
How dare you? He was the male Madonna. He played guitar. It was just money. Woods, you love Elvis. That's why you can't see it. You can't separate him. You're not Joe Elvis. And I think you're insane. Frank Sinatra notoriously in the music world is not a good singer. He just told a good story. I can't sing. And I think a lot of people will find it hard to really... be able to do what Frank Sinatra does with his voice. However, I think that there's about 900 people working in Las Vegas tonight that do exactly. But that was Elvis doing a caricature of himself. What Elvis did with his voice. That blue Christmas thing too. He goes, because people went crazy on stage when he did that. Guys, we should save that drop. I'm going to need that isolated. All right. Kentucky Rose. Kentucky Rain. Kentucky Rain. Oh, dude. This is insane. It's so good. Never knowing what went wrong. Wrong. That's good. Everyone can do this. It was a style. No, they can't. Just about anyone can do that. I'll give you that it was good.
Britney Spears qualifies for the... That's garbage. That's garbage. That qualifies as good, but she's not great. That's great. That is great. It's a song that lives in your heart, my friend. No, it's not. Bro, he's the king. I know. He's the king. He's the king. He's the king of putting that package together. I'll tell you that. There's no doubt. You're crazy. People can mimic him. No one can mimic Michael Jackson. We're not talking about Michael Jackson. We're talking about Britney Spears. But he's in a higher element than Elvis, I think. That's because his voice was so high. In fact, that was a big debate one time. I prefer Elvis. You get into the Elvis-Michael Jackson debate, and oh my gosh, it's like daggers come out. Because there are people that are like, are you crazy? You know, they called him the king of pop because there was an original king and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And you go back and forth and I'm like, I keep him about here. I'll give him the same wavelength. I do not think they're level at all. For sure. Absolutely. Team MJ. My jaw dropped over. All right, here's what we're going to do. We still have so much cool stuff to tell you about. Heated. 6 a.m. Yeah. It's good. Right out of the blocks. So as of yesterday,
Key Padres. Gone. Who are they? We'll tell you. Plus, we still got to tell you about the school hostage situation that happened in Wisconsin. Got to tell you all about it. And we will. Coming up. The Elvis debate continued through commercials with me, Sienna Woods, and LOB. Yep. Even Sienna's dad texted in. Called and left me a voice mail. Called and left a voice message because he was so adamant. Yeah. He agreed with you, Mike. Yeah. Keith, I love you, but you're wrong. He knows I love him. Listen, I don't want anybody to think that my opinion is that Elvis wasn't great. He's great. He was great, and he is great, and I think Elvis is awesome. I just don't think that he was an incredible singer.
My dad said that comparing Frank Sinatra to Elvis was like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen. Elvis being the Volkswagen. Oh, my gosh. He was very adamant about that. I agree with you, Dad. I love you. So what two key Padre names are gone? Woods is going to tell you in Woods on Sports coming up. Mikey Shokook at 830. Woods is going to be driving through a drive-thru. We've got to send Will down to get those little headphones for you. Word of the day is jolly. And when you hear me work the word jolly into a sentence between now and 10, you're going to get a pair of tickets to see Lincoln Park at Viejas Arena. And you're also going to win a Mikey Show t-shirt. So, Sienna, fill us in on this kid that took hostages at his high school. Yeah, well, this all started Monday night. Breaking news that at the Marionette High School in Wisconsin, a student, 15 years old, Samuel Hengel, 22 other fellow students hostage and a teacher in a classroom. Police went to the school Monday evening, and they barged into the classroom once three gunshots were fired. He didn't fire them at any other students. They fired them at a TV projector and a desk. But they went in, and when the cops ran in, the gunman shot himself.
Now, he didn't die immediately, but he did die later on in the hospital the next day. Just a really sad story. And they have no idea why. The motive's still unknown. They say that he was a really good student, had a lot of friends. I mean, everyone was just really surprised by it. The other classmates were trying to, you know, talk him out of it. I mean, just a really strange story. Yeah, you know, I heard one of the kids that was in the room with him on CNN yesterday. And like Sienna said... These kids were saying, you know, they didn't know of him being bullied or anything like that. They thought he was a cool kid and, you know, he's a normal kid, you know, by all accounts. Pretty shy. But, you know, for the most part, a normal kid. Yeah, well, he had a .22 caliber semi-automatic and a 9mm semi-automatic. They were found in the classroom. A duffel bag was left in the classroom. It had numerous live rounds in it. I mean, he went to school. on a mission. So scary. And just a sad, sad outcome. Mm-hmm. Woodsy's also going to be telling you about how Derek Anderson, the quarterback for the Arizona Cardinals, who flipped out on a reporter. We were talking about it yesterday. He absolutely freaked out because he was smiling on the sideline. And a reporter asked him about it. Hey.
How come you were smiling on the sideline? And Derek Anderson didn't like it, got real upset about it, and started going off. What I talk about is nobody else's business. But why was something funny when you're down 18 points in the fourth quarter? It wasn't funny. I wasn't laughing about anything. The camera showed you that. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. I'm not laughing about it. You think this is funny, I take this s*** serious. Real serious. I put my heart and soul into this s***. Well, no, hang on a minute, Derek. You do go out there and laugh, but... But the guy had already asked you the question, and he's just continuing to ask you the question. Nothing's funny to me. I don't want to go out there and get in bed. And that's not true either. There are some things funny to you. In fact, you laughed at Happy Gilmore, and you know you laughed at Happy Gilmore. Yes, of course you did. You know that. It's a great movie. On Monday Night Football in front of everybody. That's why I'm asking you. And wait, wait, wait, wait. That's another thing. Everybody doesn't watch Monday Night Football. My mom doesn't watch Monday Night Football. So everybody does not account for the everybody. You know, who are we talking about when we say everybody? Right now, we're talking. Deuce and I are talking.
No, you're not. Right now, you're talking to a reporter. Deuce isn't even in the room. I'm done. Sorry. Wait a minute. That's not true either. You are not done. Should be. Done in what sense of the word? You're finished, first of all. You are finished speaking. Turkeys are done. A cake is done. You are not done. You are still living. The moment that you die, then you are officially done. But up until that point, you are not. In fact, as I think about Derek Anderson's tirade, I think that there are many inconsistencies throughout his entire tirade. Deuce and I talk about it as nobody else's business. That is not necessarily true. Some of the things that you and Deuce talk about have to do with others. Therefore, some of the things that you guys talk about are other people's business. Something funny when you're down 18 points in the fourth quarter. It wasn't funny. I wasn't laughing. It was funny. You were laughing. 100%. Okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. It is not fine. In fact, it is the opposite of fine. It seems to be upsetting you quite a lot. It seems to be upsetting you. That's fine. I'm not laughing about it. You are laughing about it. Yes. You are laughing about it. Funny, I take this shit serious. But you don't because you were laughing about it.
Real serious. I put my heart and soul into this shit. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It is impossible to take a human organ like a heart and put it into anything other than your chest. Especially a number two. Your soul is invisible. I can't see it. Therefore, if you do put it into something, I'm not aware of it. He puts his heart into his number two, he said. Into his soul? Into his number two when he goes number two. Bleep. Oh, oh, oh. And yeah, you do not do that. You don't want to do that. You don't do that. It would become infected. It would become infected. All I'm saying is the camera shows up. I'm just telling you right now what I do every single week. Not every single week because they do have a bye week. That's right. They do have a bye week. What about the off season? What about the off season? First of all, L.O.B.'s right in terms of this season. In week six, you had a bye. Therefore... You don't put your heart and soul into it every week. It's a liar. Every week I put my freaking heart and soul into this. I study my ass off. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I know that when you walk out of the room, you have a visible tush. Therefore, you have not worked your A off. It's still there. You didn't leave it in the room. No. Can you sit down? Yes. Yes. It's not funny.
It is! It could be funny. Nothing's funny to me. I don't want to go out there. Yes, there is. That beard's funny to me. You've probably seen Airplane. That was funny. The hangover, you laughed. You laughed. Getting embarrassed on Monday Night Football in front of everybody. There you go. There it is. Derek Anderson. I bet he's laughed at YouTube one or two times. Oh, I bet he's laughed at YouTube hundreds of times. I bet he has Touch My Body on his phone and laughs at that every single day. There is no way that you can hear Touch My Body and not laugh at it. Where is Touch My Body? I don't know. Your working page. No, no. It should be on The Big Array. The Big Array. I don't know. I just like to say it. Where is all my stuff that lasts forever? It never goes away because I can't have it. Mike, you need to just study these pages so you know where your stuff is. Write your little cheat sheet. All right. Are you telling me, how about this? Are you telling me that an Asian singing a Queen song is not funny?
Buddy, your boy, make a big noise, playing in the street, gonna be a big... I'm sorry, Indian. Indian. Indian is an Asian. Kicking your can all over the place. Singing. Sing it. That's probably my favorite song. We will, we will rock you. You telling me that isn't funny, Derek? Sterile. Buddy, a young man, hard man, sitting in the street, gonna take on the world someday you got bread on your face. Got lost there. How dare you, Eric. We will, we will rock you. That is funny. Sing it. We will, we will rock you. Now, in defense to Derek Anderson, I don't know that he's heard it. But if he has heard it, it's funny. It's funny. He's laughing. And he laughed. And he said nothing is funny to him. I bet you he would laugh. He said nothing is funny. Nothing.
Nothing, Derek. Hi, Derek. It's the Mikey Show. Have you heard the Indian guy singing Queen? He's like, Thank you, Derek. Singing. Accept your apology. I like that kid. Let's see. Oh, you know the bomb factory that they were building in Escondido? Well, some guy. Not building. Some guy was collecting bombs. Yeah, the guy in Escondido who had over nine pounds of explosive found at his house about two weeks ago when the gardener stepped on one of them in the lawn. Well, his house is going to be burned down. Last night there was a big meeting held at Woodland Park Middle School in San Marcos, and they decided that... It's time to get rid of the house. Get rid of all the explosives. So it's going to be burned down. They're saying about next week sometime. Couldn't that possibly ignite something? Yeah, it really could. So I'm not really sure what they're planning on doing there. Let's burn it! 1860? I mean, there's a bomb squad. They know what they're doing. If by bomb squad, you mean a bunch of guys on horseback. With pitchforks and torches. Burn them! He's a witch! He's a witch!
Savages. I'm not dead yet. But when they decide to do this, the 15 is going to be closed in both directions. And it's going to be a big ordeal. Oh, yeah. Great. This was a very interesting story that Sienna had about walking her dog, Zipper. Zipper. And also taking her baby, Sagey, for a walk. And she made a pretty interesting observation. So frustrated. This has happened to me a couple times now where I'll go on a walk and we always... cross this one busy intersection and i'm at a crosswalk every single time and i'm at that crosswalk for a while because no one will stop to let us cross i have a little tiny dog and a stroller with a baby in it and people don't stop monsters monsters for minutes literally about three minutes i'm standing there 30 cars drive by long more than that cars just going by and so i get to the point where i'm doing the angry wave like Thanks. Thank you. Thanks. Just a baby and a dog. Don't worry about it. I'm just a mom trying to cross at the crosswalk. That's unreal. Yeah. That's unreal. I actually put that in my recap a little while ago because I had my niece with me and my sister, and we had the little white man, the walking man, and people were still making a right turn. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh. Jenna, there's a place I – when I go to surf, it's Cherry Street. I park on Cherry Street, and you walk down to the beach, and –
Dude, there's a huge crosswalk. And people, I would just walk out in the street with my surfboard, and they have to stop. Like, they have to. But you don't want to do that with your baby. I would do that if it was just me. With a baby, I'm not going to do that. The crosswalks are mandatory for people to stop. Their cars are supposed to stop. So Kim stops at one crosswalk, and cars will pass her. And kids are walking across the crosswalk. Oh, it's sickening. I want to slam into those cars. But it's like, police, they shouldn't be hiding for speeding. Well, they should, but... they should be ticketing those people that don't stop at crosswalks. That needs to be enforced. It should. Oh, he agreed. And I'm the guy to, I stop when I, and it really ticks people off behind me, but I don't care. I will stop and let people come out of parking lots. Oh, for sure. Me too. My rule is one. One. I let one go out. You ever get the guy, the number two guy in line, and he gives you a look like, hey, pal, what's up? And you're like, I just let him go. I let him go. What am I, a doormat? I'm not going to sit here all day. Hey, is today Facebook's pay it forward day? Yes. Yeah, that's cool. Well, we should pay it forward.
Yes, especially doing stuff like that. Let a baby cross the street. Yeah, or an older, an elderly person that's trying to cross a busy street. Or somebody with big giant jugs. Let her cross. Look at that. Woods just gave me a dollar. I'll tell you what. I'm going to take that dollar and I'm going to pay it forward. I'm going to add a dollar to it and I'm going to give it to Sienna. Sienna's going to put a gold brick in it and she's going to give it to L.O.B. What do I do? You pay it forward. I have a dollar. Put it in your bra. Put a dollar in there and you pay it for it. I feel so much better about myself. Well, we'll give it to Will. Here's a dollar. Yeah. Give it to Will. There you go. Three bucks. Going to LLB right now. All right. We got to do some Woodsy on sports. Oh, my goodness. Fresh $4. Will. Thanks, guys. Come collect your prize, my friend. Look at that. Wait. It's mine. Do what I want with it, right? Oh, that's right, LLB. You can do whatever you want. Save a whale or a seal or something. Holder bear. Woods, woods, woods. Woods on sports. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The Padres are not off to a good start this offseason. Did you know, Mike, that this time in baseball, it's a really exciting time. They call it the hot stove. Yeah. Because everything's bubbling, man. You don't know who's going where. Well, the Padres aren't doing anything except losing key members of their team. They already lost John Garland to the division rival Dodgers last week.
Guy was great. I mean, pitched 230 innings or something last year. Just eats up innings, saves a bullpen. Well, now they've lost their catcher, Yorvi Torrealba. He has signed with the Texas Rangers. He's going to be a great fit down there. Yeah, and also Miguel Tejada is now gone. And where did Miguel go? To the Giants, the World Series champion. Division rival San Francisco Giants. He had 269, had 15 homers, 26 doubles, 71 RBIs last year. Played really well for the Padres and really was that bat that really helped keep them in the race. That's okay. We'll just call someone up from Lake Elsinore. Right. Well, you know, the only good thing is that they have at least four of the first 50 picks in the draft. They do. That's a good thing. But those guys are five years away. So, hey, we'll all look forward to 2015 around here. Also, New Orleans Saints, Drew Brees was named Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year.
Hey, Chargers fans, I don't got to tell you what a great guy Drew Brees is. He did a lot for New Orleans. His dream foundation has raised more than $6 million for cancer and children. That's amazing. It's absolutely incredible. They won the World Series. He's done a lot for the people in New Orleans, he and his wife and his foundation. So congratulations to Drew. Great guy. You want to teach your kids to emulate and model somebody? That's the guy, for sure. Also, this Derek Anderson thing is now becoming a bit. on other teams. Last night, Dwight Howard of the Magic played a game. They won. And after the reporters were talking to him, and here was his bit, cut one. I smile. So what? I can smile. I can have fun. This is the game that I love. And you're going to tell me that I can't have fun? That goes against everything I stand for. Basketball is a game of fun. You're supposed to have fun out there. If you don't have fun, you need to do something else. You know what? I'm done. Tongue firmly planted in cheek during that. And, you know, they had Magic Johnson. I think we're going to play that a little bit later. Magic Johnson was talking. He gives his take on Derek Anderson, and it's a little bit different. It's very different. It's very different. Also, the NFL has fined Steelers. James Harrison.
Again, this year. This guy has four fines, totaling $125,000. He went helmet first into Ryan Fitzpatrick's back. Oh, come on. Yeah, so this guy is giving a lot of money back to the NFL this year. $125,000. And then finally, this is a pretty crazy story. Brady Hoke is the coach of the San Diego State Aztecs. He's 12-12 in his career here. He's 8-4 this year. They're going to a bowl. Got three years left in his contract. Now, he's in demand. Of some huge schools, but they're talking to him at Minnesota. They want him to come up there and coach their program. Good coach. He's done a lot for San Diego State. A donor has pledged $5 million to try to keep Brady Hoke here. Wow. To extend his contract. Oh, wow. Yeah. So wrote a check and said, hey, put this towards the keep Brady fund. And they want to keep him here in San Diego building that program. Because this is what happens. A lot of times a coach will... Get on a team that traditionally hasn't been very good. They'll turn it around. They'll get a much bigger offer from a bigger school. They want to keep him here. He's done good recruiting. And the team is on the upswing. You want to stay on the upswing. Well, you know, I'm a San Diego State alumni. So I thought that maybe we should, you know. I was just trying to help out. That was a nice thing to do. That was very nice. And that is Woods on Sports. All right. So there's a few things happening that we got to fill you in on. Number one.
is we have a word of the day today. It's Jolly. And when you hear Jolly, you'll be calling nine. You'll get tickets to go see Linkin Park. And they'll also give you a Mikey Show t-shirt. Now, you ever get the giggles about something and you can't stop? All the time. Yes. Every day. It's usually the thing that gives you the giggles is something that your average seven-year-old would start laughing about. Woods. Really? It's usually something L.O.B. says that's creepy and out of nowhere, and it makes me pee my pants a little bit. Matt Lauer started laughing at something that was a that's. Oh, no. That a seven-year-old would laugh at, and he really tried to regain himself, and he couldn't. And so when we come back, we are going to play What Happened and What He Heard. Matt Lauer losing it on TV yesterday because he hears basically a that's what she said. Been there. I know you have. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy is sitting right across from me. He's our sports guy. He is 35 years of age. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L.O.B., is our assistant producer, and she is in her 20s today. Yes. Last day. Shout it out. Turns a big 3-0 tomorrow. Oh, my God.
Dirty 30. Who needs a spanking? 30 licks tomorrow from Uncle Jay. And spankings. When I first talked to you, Lauren, coming on to the Mikey show, you had just turned 29. I know. Now she's going to be 30. Sienna is our news girl. She is 25 years of age. Jay is our producer. He is 47. Screening phones today is Will. It's Will. Guy just scored big time. Five bucks? Yeah, five bucks. Baller! We paid it forward. Yeah. Today is pay it forward day. Do something sweet for somebody. Yeah. If you weren't listening yesterday, we had a listener hear a story on the radio from a caller that said that she went to an ATM machine and $300 was there. Somebody had left it. And she did not take the money. She waited for somebody to come and claim it. And she needed the money, she said. She really needed the money. And we had a listener, a kind listener, call and say he wanted to help her out. And he was anonymous. The reason that he was anonymous was because what he didn't want was he didn't want people to hear it and start calling and saying, I need it too. I need it too. I need it too. Because it isn't fair to him. Right.
And it's a gracious thing that he did. It's something that touched his heart at the time. And man, you know, the guy was up here within the hour, which was just amazing. Awesome guy. You know, when it comes to charities, when it comes to those things, a lot of times people will get upset if you're not willing to do something about it. Right. But the only time that you do something about it is when it's got your name on it. Yeah. And not everything. has my name on it. Now, if it doesn't have my name on it and I don't want to be a part of it and do it, all that means is it's got your name on it. So do something. Now, maybe part of doing something is asking me to be a part of it. But when I say no, that's okay. Don't get mad. Don't get mad. It's got your name on it. Because you feel, you know, we feel a lot of times like, you know, I want to do... what's going to maybe help somebody. If I can help somebody, I want to try to help that person. But, man, we do get a lot of requests for, hey, can you help them? I want to do them all, and it's hard to do that. Can't. Can't do them all. Cannot. Cannot. M1Sdog from Escondido is the girl that we're talking about, and she's on the line right now. Are you there? Hi, guys. Hi. How are you? We're good. How are you doing? Oh, I'm doing so well. I'm just still on cloud nine.
Did you get the money? No, I'm going to wait until Friday. You're going to wait until Friday? Yeah, that's my next day off. That's awesome. And hopefully I can come in right around the time so I can say hi to you guys when, you know, 10 o'clock rolls around. That's awesome. Hopefully, hopefully. We would love it. But, yeah, you know, I just can't get over just how nice. I'm one of those people, too, I try to do nice things, you know, just kind of, I don't know, when you're just out and about, just try to. Just open the door for people. Just do things, you know, little things. But, you know, people would expect, you know, that they just. It's very nice. And that's what got you in this position. That's what got you to the point where somebody was willing to give you this money. And I think it's really nice of you, S-Dog. And we'll see you on Friday. I want to tell you something. I'm changing my M1 name. What is it now? It's going to be M1 Blessed Dog. Love it. Nice. Love it. I love that. I think it's nice. Blessed Dog. I feel very blessed. You are. You are. That was really nice of that man. Cool. So thank you, and we'll see you on Friday. Okay, sounds good. All right, bye. Okay, so you want to hear Matt Lauer having a little moment? He said something very innocent, and I guess it just tickled his funny bone.
Some of the tips you have for consumers, you say the size of the package is very important. It actually is important because a trick that some of these retailers will use is to shrink the size of the package, the size of the box, the size of the container. And if you don't recognize that, you're going to end up paying more for the same amount of merchandise. What about store brands at this time? Very good idea. We've seen a lot of consumers switch to store brands, switch to generics, and they're going to continue to make that switch. Oh, sorry. Something struck me as funny. What got him? The size of the package. He said it himself? And then he laughed at himself? And then the shrinking of the package. And then she said the shrinking of the package, the shrinking of the box. Yeah. Classic. As they go. What about sales? Wow. If you can get yourself to really pay attention to couponing.
I'm going to kill you. If you can get people to really pay attention and couponing through the... circulars that you get in the Sunday papers, you're going to be able to continue to get better deals. Meredith is not helping me out here. I want you to know my partner is making it harder on me here and you don't have to sacrifice healthy choices for junk food. Please stay here, don't leave. If you're looking at bringing home fruits and vegetables, things like that, those are where the prices are going to go up. Look in the freezer section because they're cheaper and you can make sure that your family still puts a healthy meal on the table. Sometimes wording just is... Sorry about that. Would you do that? Yes. Thanks. He started it. Yeah, he did. He did, but listen how her phrasing was. Some of the tips you have for consumers, you say the size of the package is very important. It actually is important because a trick that some of these retailers will use is to shrink the size of the package, the size of the box, the size of the container. And if you don't recognize that... She's starting to crack right there. Yeah. So they will shrink... They'll shrink my package and I won't even know it?
You're telling me that there are retailers shrinking my package? Yes. What I've heard is your package has already been shrunk, Mikey. Correct. Oh. Wow. What is that? Yeah, it's very blatant, isn't it? I'm not just sort of just blatantly saying it. You have a small pee-pee, is what Jay was saying. Yeah, it means basically there's no real cleverness to the, you know, when you just say. Mikey has a small wiener. Yeah, I heard that you had a small. Oh, my God. What? I look comfortable. Jay's not super subtle all the time. It's not always a subtle, you know. It's more of a single entendre. Yes, there's no double entendre. It's more of what you call a single entendre. That girl has giant breasts. Get it? I want to squeeze them. Yeah. I want to squeeze him. Jay's idea of a prank is to walk up with you with coffee and just pour it on your head. He's like, ah, get it? Gotcha. Get it. When you're getting out of your car, he'll just walk up and slam the door on you and thinks that that's funny. It is. Actually, Jay, I know for a fact that Jay is actually a pretty good prank guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, he got us all on Halloween. Yes, he did.
Oh, I'm the king. What did he do on Halloween? The freaking rat spider. The spider mouse. That's right. He made a spider mouse and scared us. Scared me to death. When we were at Clear Channel, were you the one that did the thing to Shauna's office? Which one? I coded everything. No, I did her entire office in foil. Oh, my God. Every single... Well, she was gone for a week. We spent... We spent about $300 buying foil, and then we foiled her pins, every single pin. Everything. Everything. Dude, I saw it. The walls. Everything. Every single surface of her office. And Shauna, if you're listening, call in and tell us. Yeah, right. But he did. Every surface was covered in tinfoil. It was. She got me back. She got me back real good, though. What did she do? She took the little Dixie cups and filled them, and she had the entire staff. She didn't do it herself. She had the staff do it. But they filled them full of water. They put them all out and then filled them all full of water so that when I came back to grab them, they had gone limp, but they were just still holding the water. Every single surface was covered with a little Dixie cup full of water. Oh, my gosh. That was my last job at Reach Local. That's all we did.
to get through the day. We used to take plates of food stick in people's desks and they'd be like, what the heck? We'd open cans of tuna and put it in their desk. One time, one of my guys got me real good and I took, we had a giant bottle of ranch and I mean a giant bottle and I cleared all the stuff off his desk and as big as I could do it in ranch, I wrote F you, in ranch and he was on the phone for 30 minutes, he came back, it was congealed, it stunk so Oh my gosh. Bad. So what did he do? Cleans it up, takes the rags, throws them in my desk with the paper towels with the ranch all over it. We used to switch phone numbers in their phone. I'd put my number in for his girlfriend and I'd be texting him stuff. We were the worst. The worst. Oh my gosh. It was genius. Oh, the old show I was on, we had like a prank war and one morning I woke up, you know, four in the morning going outside to my car and there was like... thousands of plastic forks sticking out of my lawn. It looked like a Barbie graveyard. I walked out, I'm like, what? I'm rubbing my eyes like, what is this? It was a Barbie graveyard. Are you okay? I had to pull them all out. No way. So, Sienna, are you okay with pranks being pulled on you? Yeah. See, I'm not. Really? No. I don't like to, and the last thing I like to do is
is pull a prank on somebody. I did it to Woods. I did it to Woods, but the only reason that I did it to Woods is A, it didn't, there wasn't a lot of cleanup involved. It made me look like an idiot. It took hours cleaning up my Barbie graveyard. Yeah, it must have. It must have. You know, like. When you do the stuff that involves cleanup and making somebody, you know. I agree. And if you're going to prank them, then you clean it up. No way. But that's part of the bid. We used to put. Call us, by the way, with the greatest prank of all time. 570-1949. We used to put baby powder on fan blades. And it takes. Dude, we covered that. That's mean. And they would come. My buddies would come home in college. And, you know, you walk in and you'd flip on the fan and the light. and powder everywhere. We used to lean garbage cans of water up against somebody's door, and if you tilt it just right, it'll balance. They open the door and water flows in their dorm room. Woodsy question. In Woodsy world, where you have rules, and I want to know the Woods rule on where does a prank go from funny, what is the line between funny,
And mean. If I get hurt. If you get hurt. If I get hurt. Other than that, like. Go for it. You can get me. You know, don't be malicious. Don't slash my tire or something. That's not funny to me. What about ketchup on your shirts? No. That's ruining something of mine. Because you're ruining it? Yeah, you ruin my stuff. Yeah. See, my dad used to do these pretty harmless pranks. You would like it, Woods. My dad does these things where you look like an idiot to someone in customer service or someone in power. He somehow makes you always ask for something. He did this one when him and his brothers used to go out to Notre Dame every year, and they would go and they would tailgate and stay at the same hotel. It was like a Holiday Inn where they had the continental breakfast. They had like... Fruit, cereal, yogurt, stuff like that. He would tell people that if you went up to the corner and asked for an omelet, if they would make it any way you wanted. That's good. He would do it year after year. He'd watch my uncles one by one and be like, yeah, I'll take a ham. Every year. That's a great prank. And it's intelligent. I think that's a great prank. It doesn't hurt anyone. It doesn't hurt anybody.
Where it gets a little iffy is there's an argument to be made that the baby powder gets into some stuff and ruins it. Oh, there is no question. But you know what they did? They put crickets in our apartment, in the vents and the whole thing. They also wrapped a turd. in foil and put it in our freezer. And when we were moving out, we were like, what's this? My roommate smoked a lot of pot and thought it was pot wrapped up and was like, oh, that's a turd. A frozen, wrapped up, foiled turd. He had to get up there and sniff it to know what it was. What's he? What is this? And I'm like, I don't know. Is it weed? And he goes. Is it resin? It smells like a turd. We got got. I was like, oh my God. There are people right now that are going to do that today. I pranked Jeff and Jer. Huge prank Jeff and Jer. How? There was a, the Padres were playing at Qualcomm back when they were there.
And there was a big baseball game, and I can't remember the team they were playing, but let's just say it was the Yankees. I rented one of those flyover ads, and I said, Jeff and Jer say go Yankees. And I told the guy that we lost a bet with the other team, and we had to do it. So then it flew over. Tommy, who was their producer, lost his mind. I got one of those temporary cell phones, so they couldn't really track me. thought for sure it was me because he kept coming after me. What was this? I was like, I don't know what you're talking about, dude. That's amazing. Is he finding out now for the first time that it's you? That's a different level of prank. That's upper echelon type stuff. It's like $250. Best $250 I ever spent. Do you ever hear of... pennying somebody in their room. The dorm rooms that we lived in my first college, my first of four, Texas Tech University, if you taped three or four pennies together, there's a way you could wedge them in the door. They couldn't get their door open. There was a guy in our dorm named Lurch. We called him Lurch. He was nine feet tall. He had a meeting with the dean. With the dean of his certain business school. Big, big meeting.
We pennied him in his room and wouldn't let him out. He can't get out. The handle won't move. And he's like, you guys, you guys, I got a meeting with the Dean. We're like, ha, ha, ha. Oh, my gosh. Couldn't get out. Oh, my gosh. M1, Mr. Dodgeball from San Diego. What's up, guys? Just want to say I love the show. I love calling in on a regular. Just absolutely. Thank you, man. Thanks. Well, I had a prank one time. I have a coworker who's, she's really disgusted by, like, remnants of hair. Uh-huh. At one time I had a really big afro and I used to pick my hair out all the time. So what I did is I saved up my hair for like six months in a Ziploc bag. I got her keys to her car and I put remnants of hair under every door handle. And I put hair under her like power windows. Afro hair. Afro hair. Every little part of her car where I could put some hair, I put it. Oh, my gosh. I sat behind this tree when she went out to her car, and she went to put her handle under the door handle, and I had hair under there. Oh, my God, monster. So loud. You monster. You monster. You monster. Holy cow. What's the matter with you people? Oh, it was just a joke. Don't you know a joke when you hear one?
See, but then she's got to clean that up. Yes. And it disgusts her. I didn't realize it was under the other door handle, so she went out the next day, and one of her friends went to open up the door handle on the other side and got it. That's a brilliant prank. Oh, I hate it. Thanks, Mr. Dodgeball. That's beautiful. Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. M1BigZ from San Diego, what's up? What's going on, Mikey? Not too much. We used to take, I'd go to the store and get some of that gelatin, just the clear gelatin. That's genius! So then you go to the bathroom and you can't... And it's splashing up. Because it's jello. It's like on display. Oh, that's so good. Oh, my God. So then the next person that goes in, I mean, how do you get rid of it? What do you have to get? Stupid. You do. You're brilliant. That is, that may be number one. Oh, my God. You would be so mad, Woods. I would.
I would flip out. Me too. You'd flip out. That is so good. You guys know what Jamie's number one skeeve thing is? My wife's fingernails. The toenails. The toenails. And her old company took a bag of coconut shavings, put it all over her desk in her drawers, and she walked into work and was like... They thought it was fingernails and toenails. And it was just coconuts? Coconuts. My brother did this thing on April Fool's, I just remember this, to Matt, BFMC. He put an adult swing, like a sex toy thing, up on Craigslist and put Matt's phone number. Oh, my gosh. Think of all those phone calls. I kept getting all these phone calls. Oh, my gosh. So is it used? He didn't know for the longest time. It was like gently used. Gently used. Yeah. Brad did that? Yeah. You are brilliant, Brad O'Brien. Brad O'Brien, you're brilliant for a few reasons in that, but I think probably the most brilliant part about it is gently used. Gently used. Gross. Filthy. Amazing. Disgusting. One small stain. Yeah. You know what's even more disgusting? It's disgusting, too. Thank you for that single entendre, Jay. That's what I do. You know...
What's even more hideous about it is the guy that's like, oh, gently use. I'm in. I'm in. So many calls. Are you sure? I won't buy it if it's not. Vigorously. I don't want new one. And I don't want new because I don't want to break it in. Would it be okay if we just tried it out? It chafes when it's new. I put a throw up. Can I test try it? Oh, my God. Can you demonstrate? Ah! Ah! It must have been contagious yesterday because I almost did it. Stuart Scott was on ESPN yesterday and dropped a curse word on accident because he was trying to use a certain word and another certain word came out and we have the audio of it bleeped and we'll play it for you next. We got Stuart Scott on ESPN saying something that he didn't mean to say.
He was dropping a curse word, but he didn't mean to. He was trying to say a different word. It happens. It does. Happened at church one time, our pastor. He was trying to say note sheets. He didn't. He said note S? He said goat sheets. Note S. Note S? He said note S's. Genius. Yeah. It happens. Did he stop and say, oh, oh, no? Or did he just keep going? Everybody laughed. And he laughed, and it was funny. It was funny. Yeah, it's funny. He didn't mean to say it. He meant to say note sheet. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. Note S. He said, everybody take out your note sheets, but he didn't. And he went, it's sheets, sheets, sheets. The next week he's like, could everybody take out their pamphlet? Yeah. Yeah. Well, our friend CB was up the next week, so he comes out and he's like, First of all, I just want to apologize for the disgusting behavior last week. Of course he did. And he's like, and I just want everybody to know that I won't be cussing today. But he did it too one time. He did? Yeah. On purpose? No. Accident. Yes, it was on accident. You owe me $20. You owe me $20! You owe me $20!
She doesn't because I was kidding. He owes me 20. She was kidding. You can't ever tell then. She was kidding. He owes me 20. Why are you trying to cost me a 20? She was kidding. Why are you trying to cost me a 20? I'll split it with you. They have a bet right now because Lauren's very gullible. And every time she's gullible. I feel like a jerk because I respond to it in a way that seems so demeaning. Condescending. Condescending. Monster-like. Monster-like condescending. A-hole. Jerkish. And I said that I cannot figure out how to do it. And so I said yesterday to Woods, I go, listen, the new rule is that when L-O-B does a gullible thing, you have to talk first, Woods. And Woods was like, no way, no way. And I said, if I talk first, $20. I owe you $20. What if I talk first? Do I owe you? I don't owe you. No. Okay, good. Okay, got it. No. Then it's acceptable. Then it's acceptable. Okay, done. But you have got to talk first. You owe me $20. But that wasn't one of those times. That wasn't one of those times. I wanted you to go, no! Okay, got it. Gosh, I'm trying to do bits here. Yes. Oh, before we play the Stuart Scott messing up thing, yesterday...
M1 S dog called in and the guy, you know, she told the story about the 300 bucks and everything. And the guy called in anonymously and he gave her $300 because she was kind enough. She was having a rough time and she was kind enough to find $300 at an ATM and wait for the person to come back for it. And because of that, this guy said, listen, I'd like to give you 300 bucks. And he did. Great guy. Well, she needed the money. In fact, she needed the money at the time that she found that $300 so bad that she had just sold her iPod to pay bills. She was driving to the bank to deposit that $50 that she got for her iPod. She got for her iPod. Wild. Well, an anonymous giver has purchased her a new iPod. Yes! Unbelievable. Pay it forward. And he left a note. And I've read it.
And I'm going to read it to you now. It says, on being anonymous, I can't speak to the reasons why someone else may want to be anonymous. I can only explain my own. It's quite simple. Identifying myself as no one, I can be everyone. Perhaps I'm a brother or sister to M1 Sand Dog. Or maybe I'm a millionaire friend that listens to The Mikey Show. I could be the UPS guy that delivers to your building. I could be the gay young teenager that didn't commit suicide because your words reached me. I might be the Christian that let you into traffic earlier this morning. Or I could be the atheist behind you that smiled knowingly as I watched you let someone else in. I could be sitting in my history class next to the most popular girl in school thinking this might be a great way to impress her. Or I could be a young mother who doesn't know for certain where my child's next meal will come from. I could be the Muslim girl you smiled at.
as you held the door open for me. I could be the extremely overwhelmed sales associate that you were so patient with this last Friday. The bottom line is, I did this for a purely selfish reason. I want people to appreciate the good feeling for this act and realize that it could have come from anyone they know. And that instead of trying to find out who I am, simply be thankful to everyone. Treat everyone as if he or she We're the one. Because you don't know. We might be smiling inside thinking, yeah, that was me. And that's what they wrote. I've chilled. Wow. That's incredible. So nice. Thank you, whoever you may be. That's a great outlook. No matter what faith you belong to, no matter what nationality, no matter what gender, you can do something kind for someone. And they did. And I think that that's a nice thing.
It's the reason for Be Different, which, by the way, has taken some criticism from some. Weird. Well, and here's what I think about the Be Different. If you don't know about Be Different, it's BeDifferentPack.com. And basically what it is is it's a reminder to us that we can be different and make a difference. Now, the reason that I say reminder is because I forget all the time. I forget all the time to be different. Why do I say be different? Because it's not in my nature. My nature is one of selfishness. My nature, I'm speaking about me, Mikey, my nature is to be self-centered, to be egotistical, to be manipulative, to get what I want when I want it. That's my nature. Now, this wristband thing is a black wristband.
It's got white lettering. It says be different. And it's be different about everything bad. That's what it is. Be different about everything bad in our nature. If you're the type of person that bullies somebody, maybe you put on a be different wristband, and the next time you're about to bully somebody, you feel like a freaking hypocrite. So you don't, because you're wearing the wristband. Now, the opposite of be different, would be be like everybody else. And I don't mean be like everybody else that's wearing a wristband because I want everybody in the world to wear the wristband as a reminder. But what I mean is don't be like everybody else and be a douchebag. Don't do that. In fact, when your nature tells you that you want to go online and speak negatively of it, be different.
Can I ask you a question? Sure. Do you think if I had come out with this be different idea, I would have taken as much criticism as you have? No. Honestly. Honestly, I don't. I don't either. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't mean that if you had done it, you would take it. I didn't mean it like that. I don't think that me being me has anything to do with people being critical of it. And the reason that I say that is because I believe exactly what I just explained. It's in our nature to be douchebags. And see, if you're going online and you're saying anything negative about the Be Different thing, it's for you. You're the one that should go to BeDifferentPack.com and get yourself a wristband to remind yourself not to be a douchebag. Yeah, my point is, I've seen a lot of stuff about it, and you know what? It's not an M1 Nation bracelet. If we wanted an M1 Nation bracelet to unite the M1 Nation, It would say M1 Nation on it. Right. Okay, that's what bothered me about it. I've never seen – I can't fathom in my mind something that's meant to do good for people and people like me. I'm the poster child for being different. I wrote it on somebody's page. Left to my own devices. You know where I'd be tonight? In a gutter in TJ. Okay? Left to Steve Woods. But I can't fathom.
taking something like this and putting a negative spin on it. I just don't have that in my DNA. It's like saying, how dare you walk that old lady across the street? What's wrong with you? How dare you raise money for charity? There's something in my heart that doesn't compute that. The intention is 100% for good. Well, I remember when I came up with the idea, I said, I don't want it to say FM 94.9. I don't want it to say Mikey. I don't want it to say... anything other than the message of be different. And then I went out to find people that I felt would be influential, that people would look at and go, yeah, you know, not even that person's a really great guy or that person, but just people that had a cool vibe because I wanted it to have a cool vibe to it. But I didn't want it to be a Mikey thing. You know, my, I would love it if every radio station, because we have the influence, if every radio station in San Diego talked about BeDifferentPack.com, trying to discuss that with my former teammates at Rock 105 would be an exercise in futility. They're not going to wear a Be Different wristband. Right. And, okay. I mean, listen, you don't have to.
But what it is, is a movement. That's all. In fact, if you go to BeDifferentPack.com, this is the message that I wrote there. My name's Mikey, and I live in San Diego, California. Over the last four years, I've had three kids. One of them, Jake, is autistic. As a parent, I really started to reevaluate my opinions about the world around me and our culture. It suddenly occurred to me that we don't have to sit on the sidelines. and watch the world change we can affect our cities our schools our offices and our country our world is dark all around our culture screams mean think of the guy on the freeway flipping out think of the woman in the grocery store being angry at a clerk think of the guy in the coffee shop throwing a fit over not getting the right change think of the dad yelling at his kids in public think of the bully at school
Killing some kid inside. Think of the husband yelling at his wife. Think of the woman cheating on her husband. Is that person you? Be different's a pact. It's a pact we all have together to try to think of others before ourselves. It's a pact of kindness. It's a pact of truthfulness. It's a pact of self-control. Flat out. It's a pact of love. Just one black wristband. An agreement we all have together as a culture, as a city, as a neighborhood to be different. Just one black band we wear that reminds us to be different, make a difference. And then, you know, we get a thing where you can fill it out and you get one of these wristbands, which by the way, right now are free, but they will be. Eventually we're going to charge for them because I'm doing this out of my own pocket and I can't afford the postage. It's expensive.
a popular popular thing and people are really embracing it you know i know it's helped me well and uh criticism i'm used to criticism man i've had criticism my uh entire life i've faced criticism um but the thing with the be different pact is what the irony the beauty of the be different pact is is that when you criticize you're the person that the wristband is for right that's what i love about it The irony of it is the beauty of it. And people are reading a lot into it. I saw somebody say, oh, be different, like Mikey. And it's like, man, it's not about Mikey. It's not about me. That's the other beauty. It is about us. It's about guys like us and people like us that are not good dudes a lot of the time. Or we have that capability in us. I have the capability to be the biggest. jerk in the world. I try not to be now. When I respond to messages and things like that, I'm like, I'm sorry. My bad. I'm sorry you don't like it. Whatever, instead of being the jerk that I usually am. Hey, Will. Will, can Will hear me? Get Will's attention. Hey, Will. So, you know, I'll take negative calls, too. If we get negative calls, I'll take them. I'll take anything. Don't feel like you've got to screen out any bad calls. If there's people that want to
Talk about it. I'm more than willing to talk about it. Numbers 5701949. But yeah, be different like Mikey. Please. If that were the deal, it'd say be like Mike. Yeah. It doesn't. It's not a Mikey thing and it's not an ego thing. And I just, I think it's such a cool idea. And when Mikey came up with it and we're talking about it, I was like, that's revolutionary, man. That's something that can help change for the good. How do you complain about something that... may protect your kid from getting bullied or, you know, may protect you from getting shot on the highway, you know? I mean, really. How do you complain about it? A car accident. A car accident, you know? If some kid was wearing a Be Different bracelet that he looked at that made him feel like a hypocrite if he did something bad, and so instead of making fun of my son who's autistic, he decided not to, there's a victory. 100%. There's a W in the win column. Yep. You know?
That's the deal. M1JP from Fallbrook. Good. I've got a question. I want you to be different, Mikey. And I've got one issue, and I've tried to call and call and call and call. On your bumpers, you guys promote certain things. Everybody thinks they're funny with Jay, but you make a point of saying that you didn't graduate from high school. That bothers me. That bothers me because it's almost satirical, in a sense, those commercials that you guys run. And I've heard you give criticism to certain celebrities that, oh, you know, people look up to them and, you know, they shouldn't do that because it's a bad influence. I kind of think that the same is with that. Yeah. I think that we shouldn't make fun or promote the fact that we didn't go to finish high school. You know, that was my one thing. Yeah. And I think that's a decent point, JP. So let me explain to you what that is. You know, those things that you hear when we come back from commercial, those are called rejoins. in the biz those are called rejoins right and the reason that we play those is not because we are trying to uh make a joke of what we're saying and i'm glad you're bringing it up because i you know man makes me think maybe we need to do some work on those so people understand what they're meant to do is tell a new listener who we are and so when
Jay says, it's not the first time I've had trouble with a long arm of the law. It lets you know who Jay is. When you hear me say, I never graduated from high school, it lets you know who I am. And that is who I am. You know, I'm also somebody that used to do methamphetamine and cocaine. I'm also somebody that used to take advantage of people. I'm also somebody that used to be extraordinarily cruel with my words. I'm somebody that used to really only do nice things for people because I had a selfish motivation. But I'm a different guy now. I'm a different guy and I have genuine love in my heart and care in my heart for others and want to help others. And so all that thing is is just getting you to know me a little bit. If you and I were friends, if you and I were friends, JP, which we are, you would get to know that about me. You would know all of those things about me at one point or another. And so, you know, I'm not.
I'm not condoning it. I'm not promoting it. You're not proud of it either. I mean, when you say it, it's painful. You can see it in your face. I mean, I have dreams still of finishing. Like, I'm graduating high school. I'm actually graduating in my dream. Awesome. You know, but. You know, that's the deal. I mean, that's not what it's about. It's not supposed to be like, hey, isn't it great that I never graduated from high school? That's not the point of it. And look at me. It's just, this is who I am. I am me, regardless of my, literally of my shortcomings. I'm a five foot six tall, not very good looking, overweight guy. That's who I am. And I've become most successful on the radio by admitting that and not trying to be something different. And that's what be different is. It means be, don't be the culture. Be good. Be good.
I mean, I guess I could have put that on there. Be good. It just seemed kind of dorky. Any way to get an early Christmas present as to possibly maybe just removing that? Removing what? The fact that you didn't graduate from high school. No, man, it's me. It's me for better or for worse. It's me. He's making fun of himself. I'm not even making fun of myself. Why is that a bad thing that he didn't? Why are you seeing that as a bad thing? I didn't graduate from college, and I don't think – college isn't for everyone, dude. Well, he's talking about how I say I didn't graduate from high school. I'm just actual high school. College is a much different thing. Well, I know, but – I know, but you made a criticism about Zach Galifianakis on Real Time with Bill Maher one time. You said that – and that wasn't a promotion. That wasn't making luster. But you criticized him because people looked up to him. Now, if he would have said the same thing about a high school thing, I think you guys would have criticized him with that. Because he was using an illegal drug on Bill Maher. That's why. I'm just saying, though. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on a second. If Zach Galifianakis came on and he said, I used to smoke pot, that is different than whipping out a joint, which is what he did, and smoke a joint on TV.
You kind of ripped him apart for just being a bad influence on people that look up to him. Right, and I still do. People look up to you guys as well. Absolutely, and I do too. I'm agreeing with you 100%. My concern is like, oh, well, hey, Mikey's a radio host. Maybe I don't need to go to school. Or maybe we've got kids dropping out of school to chase the American Idol from state to state to state. But Mikey shouldn't be himself because that's his past? All I'm saying is that in your commercials or whatever you guys run with that, All of them are funny. You try to be kind of funny in them. There's funny skips that you make. You guys were talking about listening to them in the limo one time, and they were funny about Jay's and all that. I just don't think... For a different reason. You know, it wasn't necessarily that it was... The ones that we were making fun of with Jay, it wasn't that... It wasn't that... It was more about how he said it than what he said. Absolutely. And... Listen, I understand where you're coming from, but bro, you know, some of them are funny. Most of them. Okay. Almost all of them. Okay. I'll give you that. Almost all of them are funny, but what they're meant to do is tell you who we are. They're meant to tell you who we are. And sometimes that's funny.
But I think also, I mean, I see where you're coming from 100 percent. And Mikey saying I didn't graduate from high school may put a bug in some kid's ear and say, well, I don't need to either. But it may also help a kid in high school who or in college or someone who's like school is not for me. I'm not recommending. I mean, I think everyone should graduate. But there are people who are different and it's not meant for everyone. And maybe that will comfort someone who's struggling. You never know. It can go both ways. And I'll say, I mean, I think you should graduate. from high school. Absolutely. But everyone's different. Listen, I never really thought of it in that context, JP, and I will now that you've said it. I'm going to put some time and I'm going to actually think about it because what I wouldn't do is I wouldn't put in the rejoiners, you know, I was sexually abused at the age of five. I wouldn't put that in the rejoin. I wouldn't put, you know, I used to be a, well, maybe I would put that I was an alcoholic. I mean, it does tell you about me. I don't know. But the difference is, you know what you wouldn't put in the rejoins? Ha ha ha, Woods didn't graduate from high school. Or ha ha ha, Sienna didn't graduate from college because Mikey's talking about himself and who he is. Understandable. You know what I mean? Mikey didn't graduate from high school because he knew what he wanted to do and he had a vision of what he wanted to do. And he's completed.
vision. I'm extraordinarily flawed. That's one of the things I put out there. I'm an extraordinarily flawed man. That's who I am. I'm a flawed guy. What I want to be different in, in being that flawed guy, and by the way, every phone line is lit up and we have to take a break, but if you're calling, stay on the line. Don't hang up. Don't hang up. And we appreciate calls like this. Thank you for calling and thank you for telling us that. Please thank you. Thanks for not just posting it on Facebook. Yeah, no, we appreciate it because we like to talk back and see where you're coming from. Absolutely. But, you know, the deal is, is that I'm a very, very flawed person. But what I want to always do in the flaw is I want to be accountable. If I've made a mistake or I've made an error or I've been wrong, I want to be able to say, I screwed up here. The biggest thing that's happened in my life over the last year was what happened with the old radio station. And I've written every single one of those individuals. And I've said, I'm sorry for the mistakes that I've made in it. And one of them, Sky, no, it was Sky and Rob, have said that they were sorry too.
Oh, that's nice. I didn't know that. Yeah. That is nice. Yeah. And I think that's really cool. But it's about accountability, too. It's about saying, I'm sorry. You're good about that. And I screwed up. You're good about that. I mean, you've said stuff to me, and it didn't even really bother me, but I'll get a call from you later and be like, Woodsy, I'm sorry. I'm like, no, dude, it's fine. Nobody's perfect. Nobody's perfect. Yeah, I don't want to mess up. I just do. Yeah. Everyone does. 570-194-9. Love to take your calls. It's a really interesting topic, and we'll talk about it. We've got a lot of people on hold right now, and like I said, I am fully open to, you know, people that have a criticism. Yeah, I'm more than willing to hear that. 570-194-9. A little before your time, Miss Sienna. I know. I'm pretending I know it, but I don't. Love DMC for you. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay over there. And the guy screening phone calls for us today is Will. I have not said the word of the day yet. It's Jolly. And when I say the word Jolly between now and 10, caller number nine is going to get a pair of tickets to see Linkin Park. Nice. And you're also going to get a Mikey Show t-shirt, which is good. Do you know what, sorry, do you know what date that is, that show? Any idea?
February 20th. Do we know what day that is? Because I think I want to go if it's not a school night. I'll tell you right now. Thank you. I think it might be a Friday. Oh. LLB Just Say Stuff? Well, I think... It's a Sunday. Damn it! It's a Sunday. You sure? Do you bands ever play on non-Friday or Saturday nights in San Diego? I've seen like one show since I moved here. It's hard. Yeah, it's the 20th. Great. It's a Sunday. Okay. Let's see. Okay. Let's take some of these calls. Yeah. M1 John from Lucadia. Thank you, bro. I had a question for you. Have you thought about going and graduating from high school? Yes. Yes, and no, I'm sure I won't get around to it. Didn't you get your GED? Yeah, I got my GED. GED is technically like, I mean, he finished. He finished. Just in a different way. Be cool to have a diploma from Gilroy High. Sure.
You know, you could do that. You could go and get yourself a diploma. How? How do I do it? You know, I don't know. I wonder if I have to. I don't think you can do high school online like you can do college. You could totally do it. I bet standards have changed. Maybe standards have changed. I think I want to say that. Well, I think that's for the GED, though. You can take a test and you can literally get your GED in an afternoon now. I'm not kidding. I've had people that I was recruiting that. The paperwork got lost or whatever their bit was. And I was like, fine, sign up online, take this thing, and it'll work. We can get you hired because we wouldn't hire people without a high school diploma or a GED. And they had to be really good salespeople with a lot of years of experience to even consider that. But you could get your GED online in a matter of hours. But I don't know about high school diploma. M1 Cassidy from Camp Pendleton. Hi, guys. I've been listening to you for years, and I absolutely love the new show. Thank you. I kind of do agree with the first caller, and I'll tell you why. It takes me 10 minutes to drive my kids to school, and in that 10 minutes, we listen to you guys every morning. And both of my kids have, like, fallen in love with all of you, especially my son. He actually named his pumpkins after you guys this year. Yeah, that's cute. That's awesome. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, it's pretty funny. But it was really hard to explain to him when he heard that comment.
It was like, oh, you can still be on the radio and not finish high school? And I was like, no. Well, now here's the thing. Here's the thing. The truth is, yes, you can. Is that a good idea? No, it's not. It's not a good idea. That is the truth, though. Yeah, the truth of the matter is that you can be on the radio without finishing high school. And another truth is, because two things can be true at once, is that you shouldn't do it. Well, you're an anomaly because you didn't graduate high school because you knew at such an early age that you wanted to be on the radio and you were going to radio shows. Which is why you missed your classes because you were going to watch a live broadcast. You know what, though, Cassidy? I think you're right. And I think that the other caller was right. And I think I am going to remove that. It won't happen today. I think you guys are kind of like people that kids look up to and young adults look up to. It deserves context. It deserves context and there is no explanation. It deserves a little bit more of an explanation than just me saying I didn't graduate from high school. I understand how that could be seen as somehow a positive thing and I don't want that and I will remove it. Look at you.
Even if you guys just added on there that you had your GED, because my brother, professional skateboarder, he has his GED, and we had to explain that to my kids, too, that that's okay. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Who's your brother? His name's Rob Lorfus. Is that, he's a professional skateboarder? I don't know. Yeah, he does the mega ramp. Yeah, I see him on the mega ramp a lot when I'm out there. Woods doesn't do the mega ramp. I would break my neck in half. Thank you for the call. Man, the pumpkin thing just made my body. That made my day. I know. Cassidy, thank you. That's awesome. Thank you. Two pumpkins after you, Sienna. Hey. Because your boobs are big, Sienna. Oh, really? I didn't get that. That's my stick. Let's see. M1PD from Mission Beach. Hey, good morning, everybody. I love the show as well. Thank you, bro. Hey, just wanted to comment. I'm obviously on board with the campaign and everything. I think a reminder of being different or being good. I mean, there's no negative way to look at that. I don't actually have a band myself, but just on a side note, I mean, I have a one-year-old myself. I actually tattooed his little footprint on my inner forearm. That's cool. That's awesome. And again, it's one of those, I don't have to remember I have a son, but...
We get caught up in stuff that reminders are good. That's great. But I just wanted to actually ask one question in terms of it being different and everything like that. Obviously, it's important to be able to recognize the good and the bad within oneself. I was wondering if you've ever read the book by C.S. Lewis. It's called The Screwtape Letters, I think, or Screwtape Confessions. It's The Screwtape Letters, and I have never read it but heard a lot about it. But I'd recommend it. I mean, it's about basically the little devil on one shoulder and the little angel on the other. And, you know, they're both in us. And I think being different is recognizing that we have that and choosing the one that's on the positive note. There you go. I mean, you can't sum it up better than that right there. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. So chin chin. You guys have a great morning. Thanks. M1 Layla from IB. Hey, guys. Good morning. Good morning. Mikey, you know what? I just started listening this year. The beginning of last year was kind of devastational for everybody. So I started listening, and like she said, you've got families now and people that are in love with you guys and love your show. We listen religiously, so it's awesome. And you're you, and I've got six kids, and it's my job to instill what I need to instill in them, not yours. So whatever you say,
I trust that you guys are going to say the right thing and good things. And if you didn't graduate from high school, then you didn't graduate from high school. You got your GED. You're awesome, man. You're a good man. Thank you. It's my job to convince my kids to do one thing. And if they hear you say that, then yeah, I can do some explanations. But it's my job. I'm not going to leave this burden on you. And I don't think you should take it down. I think you should leave it. And that's you. And you guys are great. The show works, and you know what I'm saying? Thank you. I do, and I appreciate the kind words. I think that's very sweet, Layla. Thank you so much. Thank you. No problem. Thank you. 570-1949 is the number, and you can give us a call, or you can text us, 949mikey, at gmail.com if you want to do it that way. Okay, so I never did get to play the Stuart Scott thing, and I want to. Stuart Scott is on ESPN. It's happened. You're trying to say one word. You end up saying a different word. Whoopsies. He was trying to say the word function. Uh-oh. I have a very slow computer today. Oh, wait a minute. Sorry. It's taking me a second. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Derek Anderson, Arizona Cardinal quarterback. You will want to see his post-game press conference. And whatever employer that we have that controls the bleep function.
That one, you have to make sure that you press the bleep function. You have to make sure that that will be correct. He's talking about bleeping. How ironic. Amazing. So great. It's the wrong word to say, isn't it? That's classic. You don't want to say that one on TV. And he said it. Wow. Whoever controls Stuart Scott. Yeah, isn't it ironic, L.O.B.? Don't you think? Don't you think? Yeah. It's like rain on your wedding day. So what happens now with him? They get complaints. They get fined. When he says that? No, no, no. Yeah, if it's an accident, I don't think you're going to get, you know, because there has to be like intent. Malice. Are you surprised that in almost a year, I have not cursed on the radio? Knock on wood. Now that you said that, you're done. Yeah, I know. Why would you say that? I knocked on wood. Really? You haven't? No. I haven't had to hit the button on me. You've hit the button on me, but it's always about bodily functions. I've never cursed. Huh. None of us have. Huh. That's good. Look at you. That's a good thing. Bad Woods. You spoke too good. I'm scared. I'm scared now. Kids are professionals. One of us will. M1 porn star. Oh, hello. From San Diego. What's up, guys? Not too much. Are you really a porn star? Yeah, I'm a porn star. Wow. Yeah. I live in San Diego now. You live in San Diego, but you do pornography here in San Diego or Los Angeles? In Los Angeles.
Wow. So what were you calling to say? Well, I was calling to say your Be Different pack. I love the concept. It's awesome. But I'm a practicing Buddhist. And Rick Springfield was on your show on Monday. And he was talking, you're asking about like the rock star jewelry. And he said, oh, I have the Buddha beads. Like this is a Buddhist necklace or whatever it was. Right. And that's the same concept behind your bracelet is basically when you see it. It reminds you to be moral, to be a good person, to do the right thing, or to be different. Yeah. The only difference that I think there is between his deal and my deal is that, for me, the bracelet's more visible. I can see it on my wrist better than if it was around my neck. I just wouldn't see it. They have mala that goes around your wrist also. Yeah. It's the same concept, I guess. You know, the only difference is, and if it's a reminder, it's a reminder. I mean, that's what this is. It's a reminder. It says be different on it when I see it. That's what it does. It reminds me. It's so interesting. You know the ladies, the black rubber band hair bands that you guys wear, you put your hair up with? Every day. I used to, and still do from time to time, wear one of Jamie's on my wrist just because. I have a wedding ring, but I would wear it to remember to be a good husband. That's good. And I would wear it all the time. In fact, I went and sang with that band One Louder, and I'm holding the mic and you can see it. M1 Pornstar.
I don't get the opportunity to interview a porn star very often. She's like, I didn't know I signed up for an interview. Yeah, exactly. Can I interview you? How long have you done this line of work? About five years. And may I ask, since you're anonymous, may I ask how old you are? I'm 29. That makes my mouth water. My stage age is actually a little bit younger, so maybe like 24. Okay, but you're actually 29. Yeah, me too. How long, yeah, Lauren's 29 for one more day. Gotta get it in there. How long can you continue to work in that industry? It depends on the person, definitely, and the popularity, like how many fans you have, and how well you age. I mean, I think there's some porn stars now that are older, you know, late 30s, and they still are.
Very popular and still get a lot of work. So I think it depends, but I could have another 10 years. How did you get into that line of work? You know, I was living in L.A. I was going to UCLA at the time. By the way, Mikey, I did not graduate high school, and I have two college degrees now. And I don't even have a DED. Just an FYI. Oh, wow. I didn't know you could go to college without that. Yeah, I went to CUNY College, got my associates, and then transferred to UCLA. They let me in. It's all my thing. I don't have a high school diploma. But anyway, I was in L.A. and was looking for, you know, kind of work that I could do that would help me get through college. And so I did porn. You know, and there's agents. It's like any industry kind of in Hollywood. It's the same kind of thing. Yeah. If you're radio or music or movies, you know, TV, you get an agent and you get your work. Were you afraid? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm really shy. Believe it or not, people never believe that because, you know, I'm out there, you know, doing whatever. But yeah, like really shy. And so I remember my first scene was just horrifying. And being on a porn, it was the weirdest thing in the world because it was like what you would think of in a movie, you know? It was just like that. It was really crazy. Now, you being Buddhist and me being Christian,
it doesn't affect you at all listening to the show and all that stuff, right? No, yeah, not at all. Okay, question. I mean, I agree with most of the stuff that you say other than I just have a Buddhist perspective on it. Hey, does it, does it, has it ever bothered you that I sort of, you know, my opinions on pornography, has that ever bothered you? I've always wondered that. Actually, you said one comment about Buddhists way back when that kind of got to me a little bit, but it wasn't about the porn stuff, actually. It was about the Buddhist stuff, that, like, Buddhists worship Buddha, which isn't true. Who do they worship? They don't worship anybody. I mean, if anything, they believe that they have the ability to attain enlightenment, and so they kind of strive to be that themselves. Got it. But it's not really. They don't worship anybody. Got it. Well, why is Buddha important to Buddhists? Who is Buddha?
The idea was that he attained enlightenment, you know, kind of first, that he showed us it was possible for us to also do that. Got it. As human beings. Got it. Now, I've always wanted to ask that because I thought, you know, I go on and I'll talk about this website that you can go to called XXX Church to download this accountability software to keep you from looking at porn. Why would you want to do that? Well, I mean, I do it because I don't want to look at the pornography because it will get me to have a false vision of women. In my opinion, it gives me a false vision of women. And then also because I'm married and I believe that pornography is like other stuff that you can become addicted to. And I think that it can... I think it can destroy families. You can break up marriages and stuff if guys are doing that. I agree. But I think it's also the people. And I think people need to also become accountable for their actions. Yeah, me too. That's why it's called accountability software. Right, right, right.
You know, it keeps you accountable, and it makes it so that if I look at anything sideways, my accountability partner gets it, and he writes me, and he says, hey, guess what, Purvo? I saw you on such and such website here, and I was just wondering, what were you up to? They would need a team of accountability experts for Jay and I. I'm sure. I'm working around the clock, and they're like, what? It's really, dude? Full-on hand-to-hand combat. I thought you were at work. What are you doing? You're going to work. Too much information. Well, hey, listen. M1 porn star, thank you for calling, and it was interesting talking to you. Hadn't interviewed a porn star. Anytime, Mikey. I love your guys' show, so thank you so much. Hey, I have another question. Are you married? No, I'm not married. Do you have a boyfriend? I have a boyfriend at the moment. Is he in the industry? No, he's not. I can't date porn guys, so I don't. I don't date porn guys. Why not? But he's great. I mean, he's very not jealous and super okay with my work. How long have you guys been dating? Less than a year. Somebody lives together. Do they usually start out okay with it and then become not okay with it?
Yeah, that happens often. So this time it didn't happen, but definitely in the past that's happened where it's like a novelty and they're really excited about it and like, cool, porn star. And then all of a sudden they're like, oh. You have sex with other guys. And I want to be the only one that has sex with you. It takes a special, special, I guess is the right word, dude, to be able to do that. Listen to Wood's voice. He's got a Kraken. If you'd like to come in on a Friday, just let Jay know. Yeah, I'll come in. Oh, okay. I'll bring you guys some stuff or something. Perfect. Or not. Or definitely not. Maybe you come in the day that Garrett's filling in for Mikey. Absolutely. I want to tweet him. Thanks for the call. I'm one porn star. Bye, Mikey. Bye, Miguel. So we're talking to Tammy Lips. And let me ask you a question here, Tammy. Have you ever been to Detroit? Yeah, it's a Garrett show. And Mikey's out in Haiti. While he's there, let me ask you about a couple of things you've done here. Let's just play a clip. Who was your muse? Yeah, who was your muse? You like the black keys. Are those things real?
Bye-bye. What person did Charles Barkley say has, quote, a Hitler mustache? Oh, boy. Wow. We'll play the clip next. Sienna. The only time I'll eat spinach is if it's in artichoke dip. And Jay. I would rather be skating or surfing any day. On FM 94.9. Sienna, do you know what this song is? No. Lauren? Is it Led Zeppelin? No. What is it? It's Slaughter. If you're a guy and you're about 40, this feels real good, don't it? Real good. It's good, though. Flipping your hair back real good. That's right. Woodsy's on the line. Hi, Woodsy. Wait. There's Woodsy. Hi. Hi, pal. How are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm going to the drive-thru, so let's do this. All right. We're doing the... Mikey Show Kook. Mikey Show Kook.
And you are driving into the drive-thru, and I'll tell you what to say. Making the left turn here. There's no cars in front of you? Hold the phone up to the drive-thru thing. You got it. Burger King? Yep. Hi, can I get filet? The filet. I'm sorry? Do you have a filet? Filet mignon? No, not a fish. Do you have like a filet mignon? No, I don't. You don't. Okay, you have fries, right? You guys have fries, right? Okay. Can I get the truffle fries, please? Do you have truffle fries? Can I get those? Regular fries or onion rings? Regular or onion rings. No truffle fries? Okay. Do you have garlic fries? What about garlic fries? No. Repeat it exactly how I say it, Woodsy. Are you sure you don't have garlic fries? Can you ask someone there if you have garlic fries? Are you sure you don't have garlic fries? Can you ask somebody if you have garlic fries? No fries or onion rings. Okay, fries or onion rings. I'll just take the fries then.
I'll just take an order of fries. Medium. And then what kind of hamburger? What kind of hamburger do you have? Is it Kobe beef? Do you have any Kobe beef burgers? Do you have Kobe beef burgers? Shoot. Okay. What about Wagyu beef? Do you guys carry Wagyu beef or Harris Ranch? Wagyu beef or Harris Ranch? No, we don't. Okay, I'll just take a regular hamburger then. I'll take a regular hamburger. And then, yeah, do you guys have flan for dessert? Do you have flan? Yeah, for dessert, do you guys have flan? No. What do you have that's the closest to flan? Which of those is closest to flan? None of them.
Okay. All right. I guess I'll just take... Sorbet. Yeah, I guess I'll just take sorbet. I guess I'll just take, like, a sorbet. I don't have sorbet. I thought you said you had sorbet. No, you do not. You don't have sorbet. You don't? No, I don't. Okay. Shoot. All right. I'll take... A rainbow sherbet milkshake. A rainbow sherbet milkshake. I'll take a rainbow sherbet milkshake, then. I don't have sherbet munchies. I have a strawberry milkshake. Okay, vanilla. Vanilla. Vanilla sounds good. Small. Actually, between a small and a medium. No. I'm sorry? Between a small and a medium. Then I'll just take a large. I'll take a large then. Would he bring home some more fries? Home? Do they have any macaroni?
Do you guys, do you guys, I know, weird question because you've already said no, but do you have macaroni and cheese? Macaroni and cheese, that's a weird question, I know. I do. You do? Okay, I'll take an order of that. Yes, you do? And I'll take that in a large. And I'll take that in a large. With lamb. With lamb. With lamb. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. No problem. Okay. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That guy was so nice. Oh, how patient is he? Give him a tip, Woodsy. 100%. Thank you. I'll give a tip. Don't eat the yellow snow. Yeah, there you go. Thanks, sir. We'll see you when you get back. Don't eat the yellow snow. Hey, good morning. How are you? Well, let's hear this. Thank you so much. Hey, can you guys change 1,000? There's nobody here. Hold on. Can you guys change 1,000? Can you change 1,000? No. No? Okay. I don't have 1,000. Do you have green ketchup? I'm just curious. Do you have green ketchup? Do you have green ketchup or green sauce? Hold on. She walked away again.
I don't think they like the kids very much. I wouldn't eat your food. No, zero percent. I'll eat it. Oh, thank you. Do you guys have green ketchup or just red? Nope, there's no answer. All right, okay, thanks. I'm so uncomfortable. Thank you very much. I hate him. No answer whatsoever. All righty. Give him extra money, Woods. They actually make green ketchup. Tell him your work with The Mikey Show. We were having a good time, and thank him for being a nice guy. Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Appreciate it. Thank you. Oh, yeah, she's waving me. Okay. Gosh, darn. Oh, wow. Oh, gosh. We'll go in there later and make it right. Yeah. Bring some T-shirts and some CDs. All right. Thanks, Woods. All right. Love you. Love you. Wow, he's a trooper. He is a trooper. I don't know if I could have kept it up. That's good. Pretty flawed.
What's the closest to flan? I can't believe they have mac and cheese. They don't. I think they were messing with it. By that time, they knew that it was a gag. Oh, you think so? A hundred. I mean, I don't know. If he comes home back with mac and cheese. I keep saying home. I feel like we live here. If he comes back with mac and cheese. They might have it. I'm in on it. They're branching out. Yeah. Maybe they do. Burger King hooks it up. That was crazy. That was great. Between small and medium. I'll just take a large one. I'll just take a large one. I'll just take a large one. You don't have anything between a small and a medium? What I want is a medium-small. I want a medium-small. I'll take a medium. A smedium. I'd like a smedium. You guys don't have smedium? Are you telling me? You don't have smediums? Do you have malls? Malls. Do you have anybody that can give me the meal that has a beard? I want a bearded person to give me the meal. Somebody jolly. Do you have anybody jolly that can give me with a beard? It's now December. Yeah, it's December. And so... Can he say a ho, ho, ho when he gives it to me? That's right. Just a small request. I'll pay for it. What if they did it? I'm willing to pay for it. He whispers it. I'm willing to pay for it. Ho, ho, ho, sir. Thank you. How much do I owe you?
Just get out of here. Just get out of my face. Just please leave. They're waving him on. Get out of our drive-thru. That guy was patient. Oh, yeah, he was. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, Ben Harper. Welcome to the cruel world. Let's see. I think Woods is probably already back. Is he back? Nope. I can't wait to have some fries. Spit fries? No, Woods will eat them all by now. Yeah. They're not shoveling them. He's bathing in them. You know that that ain't. Right food, I bet. They can't. There's cameras. There's managers. They can't do that kind of stuff. Really? M1Will from San Diego. What was the word of the day? You have won a pair of tickets to see Lincoln Park February 20th. Nice. It's our six-year anniversary. My wife is going to die. That's awesome. Nice. Dude, these tickets are worth $104, and we're also throwing in a Mikey Show t-shirt with it. I'm going to need, like, an extra large. There you go.
We'll be sure and get some. Yeah, we will set you up with that. Hang on the line, okay? I will. Thank you so much, Mike. You got it, bro. You got it. Just making people happy all over the place. Big winner. That's right. So what person did Charles Barkley say had a Hitler mustache? Oh, boy. Well, you know, sometimes Charles just says stuff. It's his bit. You are good friends also. We're talking about good friends. You're friends with Michael Jordan. He's like a brother to me. He's like a brother, and apparently you have very strong feelings about a commercial that he just came out with. It's something that's bothering you you wanted to talk about. You know, I thought it was just me. When I'm at work, Haynes is one of our big sponsors, and I was looking at this commercial, and I didn't say anything. I was thinking to myself, I said, whoa, that's weird. And I look around, and nobody else is saying anything. Then they show the commercial again. And I look around, I said, nobody's saying anything. And they show it again. I said, damn, man, don't you see Michael Jordan got an Adolf Hitler commercial? And they're like, dude, we didn't want to upset you talking about your boy. And I says, dude got an Adolf Hitler commercial on. What's not an Adolf Hitler commercial? He grew a mustache. Let's take a look at the mustache that he sports now. I just want to clarify, Haynes is not doing Adolf Hitler commercials. So it was Michael Jordan. Woodsy's back. Hi.
Hey, bud. Let's see what we got. Are you going to eat that food? Of course. Yeah. Hand over the milkshake. Mac and cheese. Yes, I knew it. Mac and cheese. I knew it. Sienna, you want that? Well, I'm going to try it. You guys can have them. I don't like the fries. I don't want the fries, I should say. It's Kraft mac and cheese, like right out of the blue box. Wow. She loves her some fries. Look at that. Look at that. Preferably black fries, but they didn't have any. Oh, my gosh. You didn't eat those? Who knew? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. You're a brave woman. Come on. You don't think? No. Take a look in there. Open it up. I'd rather not. Does that look like spit on my burger? Let me see. That's the... You're fine. Yeah, it does look like spit. Looks fine. This is the thickest milkshake. Wow, look at you guys going to town in there. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Really? Oh, Gina. Jay, we need you. Wow. Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Wow. 5701949. Oh, boy. Let's make a bigger mess. Look at Mikey just watching the food going around. Sienna has not had to pump yet today. Oh, my God. I will. After this. Why did you say that, Mike? Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. We're talking about Burger King. Yum, yum, yum. Because he said the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. Oh, my God. He must have got me thinking about that. Yesterday we had a... Sorry. How long did we meet yesterday? 12 hours. Seven hours. Literally. Crazy long. I don't want the mac and cheese. It doesn't have ketchup or ground beef in it. There's ketchup in here. What? Did we meet for seven hours? No, we did not. Let's see. We started at ten. We got out of here at three. Woods started whining. Don't mean to speak out of school. Well, you just did.
Well, he's whining about how he's going to have to leave and how come he can't leave with his pets. He's in that conversation. What happened? I wasn't there. Yeah, you weren't here. You left. Yeah, because I have a baby at home. Oh, I have five. Those aren't babies. Those aren't babies. Those are your dogs. They're his babies. They're my babies. But technically, they're dogs. Those babies can stay out in the yard by themselves. No, they can't. Were they out in the yard? No, they stay inside. You can't sit in the yard. We have a fence that they could get through. We have a fence that other things could get through. And we have dogs that are traditionally stolen a lot. Yeah, well... I got five grand worth of dogs in my backyard. I can't do that. Hey, listen. I love you, Woodsy. I told him this yesterday. I love Woodsy. You know, like, figure it out with the dogs. Wait, okay. Figure what out? So your wife has gone back to work. My wife is back to work. My wife works at about 7 a.m. She leaves about... 7 a.m., she leaves the house. She gets home at about 6 at night. So she's pulling, you know, some good, solid days. Now, I have a job where I get off at 10, yet I pull in the driveway a lot of days at 3. Yeah. Why haven't you made arrangements? What kind of arrangements can I make? Make a dog run.
What the hell is a dog run? It's a fenced roof area. You put your dogs in, you can lock in your backyard. Do you even own a hammer, Woods? No. A, I don't own a hammer. B, I don't have the money to go buy $8,000 worth of wood to make a dog run. It wouldn't be $8,000. Oh, my gosh, really? Well, happy birthday, pal. What do you mean, happy birthday? You'd have to get a dog sitter, dog walker, kennel. Right. I got to pay somebody. But here's my thing is, hey, man. I'm all about the Mikey show. I love the Mikey show. I was in hell a year ago where I worked. This is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Things have changed at the old woods homestead. I don't have 19 people at my house. I've got me, Jamie, and the dogs. So I've got to get home to let them out. Are you comparing your dogs to me leaving to go home to see my baby? No, not really. I mean, I am, but I'm not really, but I am. Not really, though. I get why you'd have to go home to your kid. I get it. Yeah. Well, she physically has to go home. But she doesn't physically have to. Santa, couldn't you just put a bowl of milk out for him and she'd crawl over and look out of it? My husband right now is there, but I have to pump here at work, and I only have the means to do that so often here. I need to go home. I'm in physical pain. No, I get it. I get it. I get it. I totally get it. And I'm not comparing dogs and kids, but I'm saying...
I've got stuff that I've got to get done because things have changed at the crib. If things have changed at the crib, then why have you not made arrangements? What type of arrangements? Dog sitter? Oh, I almost cursed. Holy cow. Hang on. I almost cursed. That costs money. Excuse me. Wow. You said to me, what type of arrangements should I make? I don't know. That's your deal, not mine. If it was me that was in your predicament, it would be me that had to make arrangements because I got a job. Yes, I have a job that ends at 10 a.m. No, no, no. It does. We're off the air at 10. I get you. And I will put in the hours at home that I need to do. But I'm telling you, I need some leeway and leniency, too. I think you're discounting mine. As opposed to hers. Oh, absolutely I am. Okay, that's fair. But right now, Sienna's just, she came back early from maternity leave to do the show. That was Sienna's choice to do. But she's still under the condition that she could leave at a certain time because she still has to nurse. Forget that. I get that. But Jay, that's a different thing. Are you going home to pump? No, I'm going home to pick up feces is what I'm going home to do. And urine. Then you should have made...
Arrangements? She can't make it. Listen. She can't make arrangements. You can't pump a bunch of milk and leave it in the freezer? You can do that. But this isn't about Sienna. This is about me. Sienna's entitled to do what she wants to do and what she needs to do for her child. But her boobs will hurt. They will. I only have the stuff to pump one time. I would have to buy a lot more. Right, right, right. And I get it. Again, I'm just saying that I sometimes need some leniency too. Oh, you got it. I do? Yeah. Yeah. If in the middle of the thing yesterday, I was like, hey, I got to get, I got to go pick up. You wanted to. But I didn't. Well, right, because we all, and when I say all, I mean me, Jay, and Lauren, we guilted you. Right. Into staying. Into staying. Right. Otherwise, you would have happily marched right on out. And not happily, because I like to hang out with you guys, and I like to do meetings, and I like to do what we did yesterday. I had a blast. I even texted you last night. I said, holy S, I have a good time at work. And you go, 100%. It's the best time ever. When things change. Okay, now here's, I got another interesting wrinkle for you. Jamie and I are adopting a kid. Yeah. Jamie works full time now. Yeah. I'm going to be that kid's Sienna, except without the boobs and the pumping. Right. I got to go. Best parts. I got to go. Like, I can't do the three. I got to go pick up my kid. Like, I'm going to be the guy all day long. Is that going to be a problem? Wait.
Because I don't pump, is that a problem? Well, that's true, yeah. Let's discuss. Let's discuss. Because I certainly can't expect you to stay until, you know, three o'clock in the afternoon. Right. But would you be expected at your full-time job here as a full-time, you know, personality to do eight hours a day? Of course. Yeah, that's like three, or that's like four to noon. Yeah. Yeah, I mean. That's what I do. Yeah, that's about what Sienna does. And longer. Sienna will stay longer. She didn't leave at noon yesterday. And that's what I'm saying is that, you know, I hope there's no double standard when it comes down to my dogs. There's a double standard when it comes to my dogs. Okay, and that's fair. That's fair. Yeah, it is. I guess it's fair. Yeah, that's fair. That is fair. What did you do in Dallas? Jamie didn't work. Ever? No. She worked from home, didn't she? She worked from home. Oh, see, that's what it is. It's different. All I'm saying is it's freaking me out because things have changed, and I'm like, oh, I got to do the grocery shopping. I don't have a wife that's going to like. My husband goes back to work, so pretty soon I'm going to be on a tighter need to be home. M1, twin mommy from Tierra Santa. Are you there? Hi, sorry. That's okay. You guys should just go to Woods House for meetings now. 100%.
Dogs everywhere. That's a beating. Yeah, it is. Isn't it? I mean, that's just what teammates do. When a teammate is down, you pick them up in most cases. But it's cool, dude. For a kid, I would do it. For a dog, you take care of your dogs. Figure it out. Build a run. That's what I'm trying to do is take care of my dog. I'll tell you how to do it. I'm not building a run. Why don't you? Why not? Because I don't know how to build a run. I told you I would help you. That's throwing good money after bad, pal. And you know what? I don't want them running in and out because I don't know if somebody's going to come to the backyard and try to get them. Happy birthday. Yeah. I don't have 50 Hungarian nannies at my house. You know what? Let me tell you. Let me tell you. It's too bad. I can't hire. Well, here's the deal. Because you make a good point. We have 15 Hungarian nannies. I said 50. That makes my mouth water. We have 50 Hungarian nannies. It's a Caligula. Right. It's Caligula. You make a good point. Let's go to Mikey's house for a meeting. No, 100%. But here's the deal. We know what we're... what we can do, and we know what we can't do. And before we set off onto a project, we make sure that we have our bases covered. Yeah. It's perfect, Phil. I know. It's perfect. It's perfect, Phil. Yes, yes. You're a perfect planner. Right, right. And by you, I mean Rebecca is a perfect planner. Yes, yes, yes. Well, listen. Just cut me some slack. Hang on. I'm stressed about it.
Hang on. Be my friend. I am, bro. Stop screaming at me. You're yelling. You're screaming at me. $200 you could build a dog run that you could lock. I don't have $200, Jay. Yes. Why? You know what I'll do? Sienna pumps at work. I'm just going to bring the dogs in. No. You're comparing my pumping to dogs? No, I'm just saying. I'm going to bring mine in because that way I can keep an eye on them and stuff. You know what? I'll build a dog run right up there. You need to find a sweet little old lady that lives next door to you or near you. That would be great if any of our neighbors talked to us. That would be phenomenal in the nine months we've lived there if we said hello to one neighbor. It works both ways. I'm going to go over. Hey, I'm Steve Woods. I live next door to you. And can you watch my dogs every day, please? No, there's a lot of options. And there's a lot of people that are in your shoes. There's a lot of dog owners in San Diego. And a lot of those dog owners also have full-time jobs. I would love to take care of your animals. You actually kind of creep me out a little bit. Why do I creep you out? You have stuffed dogs all over your house. So that's kind of what creeps me out. Were they yours or did you? They were mine.
You're the one that said that you would stuff your dog, so don't even go there. No, I know. I totally would. Hall of Fame NBA player came out yesterday and said he would have fired Derek Anderson if he had owned the Cardinals. And saw him laughing during the game that they were losing on Monday Night Football. Who do you think said it? And by the way, I'm going to say this about this person. It's a good thing his wife didn't take that attitude with him. Who is it? I'll tell you. Coming up. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. It's Sienna. And that's Jay, our producer over there. It felt earlier like the heat was on in the room that we're in and it was nice and comfortable. It's cozy. Now it's freezing cold. Just give us control. Woodsy just hit himself in the eye with a microphone. No, I didn't. You got it. Is it the ice cream got you a brain freezy? Brain freeze. Stop talking. Put your tongue on the top of the roof of your mouth. Here, let me do it. Not your thumb. It's thumb. Tongue. It's thumb.
You push the capillaries. Your tongue is 98.6 degrees. You're a wimp. Your tongue is. You got a brain freeze? Oh, like a mofo. Oh, dude. Maybe you don't suck down a giant vanilla milkshake on a break. What is it? Do you know what a brain freeze actually is like? No. They're painful. They hurt. Mine hurts. I would love a 3D rendering of one in high definition. It's the fluids around your brain. Don't make stuff up. Hello, boo. She stopped talking. She's like, stop. I was just like, okay. You were trying to sell us on something? Yeah, I was going to. It was starting out right. Holiday Hootenanny. Hello. Presented by Scion. FM 94.9's Holiday Hootenanny. Maybe you buy your tickets instead of asking everybody on the Mikey show for free. Stop with the text. Actually, Milo. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Saturday night, December 11th at Remack. And tickets are on sale at Ticketmaster. Friends. Stop texting. Tokyo Police Club, Sleigh Bells, The Temper Trap, Against Me, and The Black Keys. The Black Keys. Dude, if you haven't seen The Black Keys live, brace yourself. You sold me on them. They are so good live. I'm so excited. I like them. So there you go. All right, so was Magic Johnson.
that was talking about Derek Anderson from the Cardinals. Derek was laughing on the sideline, and a reporter asked him about it, and he got all mad. He cried about it. I want to ask you, as a possible NFL team owner, did you see the Cardinals game last night? Yes, I saw the game. Now, what do you think about that? Because you're a guy who's a competitor. You think about players, you're losing, you're getting beaten badly, you're on the bench laughing during the game. Would that upset you? I would have beat his butt or killed him. Really? You never did anything like that? That quarterback did something that was very wrong. You could never... When you're getting beaten like they were getting killed by the 49ers. Kilt? You know, like the little skirts that you wear? It's like a kilt is what they wear. Anderson is Scottish, by the way. He's Scottish. Hey, listen. To Magic's defense, Anderson is Scottish and was wearing... A kilt. A traditional Scottish kilt. Traditional Scottish kilt. Highlander. It's like a uniform almost. You can take my country. Yeah, so for those of you that were going to get upset about it and go, oh, are you saying, no. I'm saying that Derek Anderson was on the sideline wearing a kilt. Squish. You can never, when you're getting beaten like they were getting killed by the 49ers. And then you start laughing.
And you're the quarterback. And that means you're the leader of the team. Right. They take on your personality. So now everybody will be laughing. Everybody won't care. Well, isn't that better? Everybody's enjoying themselves and laughing. No, no, no. Not on my team. Not on your team. That will not happen on your team. He would have been cut today. Really? Really? Wow. I would have went to Dr. Buss, Jerry West, and Coach Riley and said, get him off our team. Well, yeah, it would be weird to have a football player on the basketball team anyway. Strong words, Madge. Yeah. What I want to know, don't everybody freak out. Oh, boy. What I want to know, and I want to know if Jimmy Kimmel asked him this, does he still test positive, HIV positive? He does not. He does not. Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. Because of the drugs that he takes. Wow. But speaking of that, I mean, I'm glad that his wife didn't have that same fire you attitude. So let me get this straight, Magic. You slept with other women besides your wife, got HIV. She stood by your side, but you'd fire Derek Anderson for laughing on the sideline. Yeah, that's true. Good point. That sounds equitable. Apples and oranges, Mike. Apples and oranges, I guess. One is deadly. The other is harmless. Correct. Firing is harmless. Yes. You know?
But laughing, I'm saying, is harmless. I think he should be fired. Not for laughing. I think he should be fired because he has a quarterback rating of 68. I agree with that. That's a better reason. Helen Keller could have a better quarterback rating than that. I don't think. To Derek's defense, Helen Keller's quarterback rating was 74.2. So a little bit better. So it was a little bit better. Throw it up and let Larry Fitzgerald go get it. 12 touchdowns to 14 interceptions. That's not great. Yeah, he's only thrown six touchdowns, though. That's true. That is true. And you have to factor that in. Yes. When analyzing Helen Keller's quarterback rating. But she was also a girl. That's true. Traditionally, girls don't throw as far. I just got tired of waiting her to find the huddle. Jay sometimes will make the direct joke, the one that sort of goes straight into you. We're kind of dancing around it. We're dancing. We're doing this sort of ballet. And then what happens is Jay comes riding in on a Tyrannosaurus. You know, Mike, because she couldn't hear. And she was blind. But she couldn't hear the coach's plays in her helmet. She's deaf, Mike. She couldn't call Audible. And she couldn't even say, hut, hut, hut.
Because she was blind and deaf. And mute. She was a mute. Mute. The water part, she got that down. She used to write plays in my hand because she only did braille. So she would actually write the route she wanted me to run. Pull. Hook. Curl. Fade. I just got a head rush. Oopsie. That wasn't supposed to happen. I did not get any headaches this time from the paint in our house. I was certain that I was going to. From the fumes? From the fumes, I didn't. Is that like chocolate based or something? No, we didn't do that food one. Rebecca had this paint that was made of food. And it looked terrible. Is the living room all painted now? Yeah. How's the look? It looks great. Mike? It looks great. You said that the color your wife chose made you... Uncomfortable. Are you still uncomfortable sitting in that living room? That's right, I did say it. Yes, you used the word uncomfortable when dealing with his wife's paint selection. What kind of a child are you? They might be uncomfortable in elevators with someone they don't know. That's like saying I'm allergic to that color. Doesn't that just say to you that I'm a sensitive person? You are sensitive. I'm a sensitive person to the point where... Hyper sensitive.
See, now you're applying something heavier to it than it actually is. Whoa. That was a fries. That was a fries. I happen to be a sensitive man, and colors have an effect on me. Write that down. And I wanted it darker. More than likely. You just let your wife decorate your house and you just let her do it. I do. Stop being so long. It's a good man. It's a good man. Oh, my one-year-old son, Luke, is on the line. Lukey! Is this Captain Buzzkill or Luke? What's the matter with you, Luke? Why are you doing that? What are you doing, Luke? I'm breathing. I'm short of breath. I'm trying to take deep breaths of oxygen. You know why? Why? Because there's paint fumes all over this house. You didn't get a headache. I did. Because you're a little baby? Luke! No.
Aren't you a little baby? No. You are a little baby. I'm not a little baby. I'm the same size as my dad. How does that make me little? I mean, I guess if the Zapata fits. Zapato. That is true. We don't speak Spanish in our house, though my dad is full-blooded Mexican. You are a year old, and you shouldn't have that kind of attitude on you. How was your attitude? It was certainly better than yours is. Yeah, probably. I mean... I've never been fined or kicked off a radio station before. You're only one. You're only a year old. You don't even have a job. You don't have a job. Why are you calling? What are you calling? I'm sick. I'm sick. My head hurts. I'm vomiting. Oh, please. Listen, Luke, those mom made sure that that was very, very healthy paint because she didn't want to get you guys sick. Well, I know the first paint was with the fruit, mashed up fruit and vegetables. The one that looked like baby food. Right. Smelled like caca. Right. That was healthy. The stuff that you guys used is like asbestos. No, it isn't. It smells like asbestos. No, it's not. It's not like asbestos. In fact, I think that mom went through special considerations. Hey, that's a great color, too. You guys couldn't really match it up right.
Next to a turd? That's the color that it looks like. It doesn't look like a turd. Is it brown? Almost. It is brown, but it isn't turd brown. That's unfair. It's unfair. It isn't turd brown. Definitely paint your own turd brown. Luke, it's a beautiful color. I want my bedroom pee yellow. All right, Luke. I think you've made your point. What's that? I'm biting my fingernails because I'm starving. You know why? This is my lunch. This is my nutrition. Fingernails. Why? Just ask your mom. You know what you can eat in my house if I ask Rebecca to give me? It's not Rebecca. It's mommy. It's mommy. Her name is Rebecca. Okay. If I ask for a snack or a meal, I get dirt and twigs. It's what it looks like. No, you do not. What is it? It's called Kashi. Kashi. K-A-Kashi. Kashi. Kasha. Kasha. Kasha. Kasha. Kasha. Tastes like dirt. And the milk? Yeah. That we have here is organic soy almond. It's not organic soy almond. It's organic. It tastes like elk milk. It doesn't taste like elk milk. You know, a coyote was in our backyard, and I fixed him a bowl of this, and he looked at me and ran away. Luke, you shouldn't be playing with coyotes. He's a friend. He's a friend. You ever just blow things out of proportion, Luke? Do you? I see where he gets it. Yes, I do.
Fair enough, exactly. Where do you think I get it from? Yeah. He does make you uncomfortable, Mike. Do you ever watch Apocalypse Now downstairs? Oh my gosh. You guys watch it together. Oh my gosh. Do you ever order stuff from Amazon? This morning, I was going to go get the mail. You were not going to get the mail. And I tripped over 47 Amazon boxes. Piled up on our front porch. Really? As you were going out to get the mail at a year old and you can't, you barely learned how to walk. Really? Yes. Maybe you should order some more Bibles and wine. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Luke. Oh, lay burn, baby. Luke, you be nice. That's your father. That's your father you're talking to. Hey. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't hear it. It didn't happen. Thank you, Lou. We're turning it off. I don't like when you ask me that. It's the same time. I get off at 10. Well, I heard Uncle Woods call in about his dogs and stuff. Maybe cut the guy a break. Get the guy a break. I know you guys are off the air at 10. I know you don't like coming home. Maybe Uncle Woods likes to go to his house. I do like coming home. And all Uncle Woods is going to do at his house is sit on the couch with his hand in his...
underwear and watch television. Are you still going to give him that PS3? What is happening? Luke, why don't you come to the house today and pick up that PS3? Yeah, it'd be the first time Uncle Woods has been to the house for months. Well, you know, sometimes we don't invite a guy. Really? What is happening right now? We're spiraling. Luke, why do you care so much? I'm going to be with Team Woods on this one. All right. Bring me a Dr. Pepper. You got it. Thanks, Luke. That's Luke, my one-year-old son. He's really all about Woods. Lovers quarreling through the baby. Never works. You shouldn't talk through a baby. Guy's a fan of the kid. What do you want? I'm his fun uncle. Hey, you know the last time Woods came over to visit? Friday. I gave him $60 to hang out with you. That's a good friend. It's true. It's true. I thought he gave it back. He did. I did. After he got bought dinner. Right. That's true. Come on, babe. We're going to get a free meal. Get dressed. Get dressed. Hurry up. It won't be that bad. We only have to hang with him for an hour. Five hours. It was a long night. That was a long night. It was. Kid was a trooper. I picked your brother up, drove to Escondido to your parents' house. We did.
Can't use the half a tank of gas. Kind of a beating. With airport back. Oh, it was crazy. You guys have such a tough relationship. We had a blast. And I even texted him. Jamie and I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. We love hanging out with the two of you. Love you, Gabe. He wrote back. Me too. I enjoy these times so much. Is that inappropriate? No, it's great. Me too. Why do you need to share? No. Okay. That's good. Me too. Should me and Sienna leave? Yeah, let's go. You know, there are other guys listening right now that have friendships, and they can relate to it. Nobody in our audience has friends? No. No, we have parents. No guys have friends? You don't work with a special someone? Not a lot of straight guys have lovers. We're not lovers. First of all, L-O-B. You're a different kind of lover. We're friends. We work together. You guys are boyfriends.
Romance. A constant tormentor. She's a kryptonite. Yes, she is. But she has a point. No, she doesn't. She does. Just trying to build chemistry and be dynamic. Trying to be number one, you know? She's my kryptonite. She is. She's your Lex Luthor. Yeah, she's Lex Luthor. I like to get under your skin. She really does. And she gets that real... very unique laugh that L.O.B. has that she reserves. She saves it. Special occasion. When you hear it, you know she's tickled and cutting you at the same time. There it is. It's only when it's about Mike. It's so funny. When I first met L.O.B., I would have never thought that that would be the dynamic. Such a sweet, innocent girl. And who would have known that she was going to be getting me? Cut like a knife. Cut's like a knife. Feels so right. Oh, wow. Because you're having intercourse, it feels so right. Yeah, that's Jay. That's Jay. He just goes right for it. I was referring to sexual intercourse. If you were mistaken. Sex for the layup. No, wait. I'm not finished holding my sides.
Oh my god, it's hot in here now. Holy cow. I think that our engineers have a remote control. I think they're messing with us. I really do. And they do it. We're like hamsters in a ball to them. And they do it for fun. It's great out here. If I had this in a movie, it would be the scene, the memories scene. What would it be? She'd be yours. It would be a girl. She'd be thinking back on the memories. Yeah, she'd be in the backseat of like a cab or a bus looking out a rainy window. Mm-mm. Yeah. What would yours be? It would be scenes of a girl and a guy is remembering her, but you don't see him. But do you think a guy would, wouldn't it be his voice? Wouldn't he hear another guy's voice? No. No. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I think it's more touching.
to hear this and see images of a girl, and you don't see him. You are left to assume that these are his memories. Mine is a girl that just got jilted. She's at a breaking point. She's staring, like Ella B said, out a rainy window, pondering her next move. Mine is a girl that's running away from her problems. She just packed up, didn't tell anyone where she was going. Now she's already on the road, looking out this window, wondering. Did I make a mistake? That's good. All right, now I'm going to get indie on you. Okay. Indie film. Grainy looking, 28-year-old girl. Long. Sitting by herself in a crowded shopping mall. Just by herself. Time-lapse photography. Everybody's just walking by. Ah, I like that. Oh, that's good. Good. No, Woods hated it, and then he was guilted into liking it. No, I wasn't.
I just got what you meant. Everything's fast and she's just sitting there. Life is passing her by. I'm not Marty. I don't know what time-lapse photography is. But they did and then it triggered in my brain that yes, now I know. I liked it. It was great. I love it. So you need to be Martin Scorsese to have heard and know what time-lapse photography is. Yes. I'm not Marty. Man. It's a good tune. If anybody's wondering where Sienna is right now.
Here you go. Pumpers like to pump. The remix. The mashup. That's right. I like the remix. I love the remix. Hey, if you would like to see how long we have until the Mikey-thon begins, go to MikeyShow.com, which, by the way, was put together by Jared. And he has a website. If you want to hire him to do a website like he did for us, he's got a timer on there right now. Countdown to the Mikey-thon. 14 days, 20 hours, 20 minutes. And we will be doing that sucker. You can get a hold of him by going to createyourdesignonline.com. Very talented guy. Does business cards, does websites. He does anything that you need graphic design for. But to say that he does graphic design, it's not. really fair. Short changing him a little bit. Yeah, because what he does is I think he's like one of the best guys that does this in the country. Yep. Like, no doubt about it. Just amazing. Amazing what he does. CreateYourDesignOnline.com is how you find him. Okay, so did you know that during the holidays you are expected to give gratuity to people that maybe you wouldn't expect? For instance,
If you have a babysitter, there is, during the holidays, if you are being, like, couth, if you are being cool, you will give your babysitter one evening's pay plus a small gift from the kid. That's what is appropriate. Nice. Oh, from the kid. From the kid. I thought you meant woods. No, from a child. The kid would be happy to give babysitter a gift. By the way, if you're saying, now, Mikey, are you making this list up yourself? Is this like Mikey land? No. This is from CNNMoney.com. It's from PerfectTown.com. What have I made of money? If you have an au pair, maybe I don't read that one. Mikey. Mikey. Maybe I'll read it. You want me to read it? I'll read it for you. This is going to hurt. Okay, and is it an au pair or an au pair? Au pair. I thought it was an au pair. No, au pair. Au pair, technically. It is a nice pair. Yeah, one week's pay, a week's pay, or a gift. Or a gift? Yes. Or plus a gift. Or a gift, plus gift from child. In your case, children. Three children. Three children. It can be a collective gift from the three of them.
Yeah, it could be if you are completely cheap. Which, Mike, you know, you are. So, mission accomplished. We also have a nanny. And the nanny would get one week to one month's pay. The difference is one sleeps over and the other one doesn't? Yeah, the au pair lives with us. Okay. And the nanny comes twice a week. Okay. One week's to one month's pay plus a small gift from the child. That's a good bit. Yeah, if you could get it. What about daycare providers? You got daycare providers? M1s? Gift? $20 to $70 each and a small gift from the child. Each? And? That's right. What about your kid's teacher? No. Yes. No. You give them a gift, but you check with the school's policy to see if it's allowed. You see, in some places, it simply is not. Yeah. What about coaches, tutors, music teachers, ballet instructors? Small gift from the kid is what's appropriate. What about your housekeeper? Lingerie. Money. My wife? One week's pay, or more, depending on length of service. Nothing for that. What did you say? Did you say something filthy? No. What did you say? I said something misogynistic. He said, my wife. You said, what about your housekeeper? And I said, my wife.
It's a joke because I'm the housekeeper now. It's a joke because she's not listening. It's the only reason it's a joke, otherwise you would not make that joke. Absolutely. I'm telling you, the Pandora's box is open now. Woods, do not forget to tip your trash collector. Really? Yes. $15 to $20 a piece. Where do you put it? On the top of the trash can. Tape it there. Yeah, you tape it with a note, a big red note that says, here's $20. For each of you. Anyone that wants it, but only the trash collector takes it. It's like Halloween. We do a gift. We'll take it out there and hand it to them. How do you know when the trash gets back in here? What do you make? Do you make him a gift? 100%. Oh, you hear it? No. The gift is called an old wreath we were throwing. Usually it's like candy. You like a box of candy or something? I'm at work when the trash gets collected. Yeah, well, you should make special arrangements. I don't think so. I only take my trash out every other week anyway. Well, every other week you should make an arrangement to be out there to tip them. No. I'm going to take the day off so I can tip my trash collector. This applies to every bacillus C's candy. Oh, nothing wrong with C's candy, pal. Parking attendants should get $10 to $35 each or up to half a month's parking bill for the group if they regularly provide extra service. Parking attendants? That's right, parking attendants. We have them here. Yet we don't use them. I know, we don't use them. We park on the street so they can get. Yeah.
What about a gardener, Mikey? Mikey! $20 to $50 if the gardener's last job before spring is a fall cleanup. So I've got to grease you $20. I'm not a gardener. Just take all the oranges you want off my tree. Save that clip. I am not a gardener. Now, if you have an apartment, and the apartment, this won't apply here, a doorman gets $25 to $100 each. Most people in San Diego don't have inside apartment buildings they have outside. But... Those of us that live in an apartment in San Diego, if you have a superintendent. Mr. Superintendent, there's a whore living in your building. Janice Rossi. 7A. A lot of people living here in San Diego have an apartment. The superintendent and the custodian, it is proper to give them $15 to $300. Tip more. If there's no doorman and the service has been particularly attentive, but tip less if you tip throughout the year, which most of us do. You got to start saving in January to make sure you give everyone in your life a tip for Christmas. That's right. You got to grease them. If you got a handyman like Jay, $10 to $50 a piece. I'll be waiting for that. That's right. Elevator operators.
$15 to $40 a piece. Was this the list from 1940? A lot of the cities have this stuff. This one applies mostly to the ladies. Hairdresser. You should tip them. You should tip them the cost of one cut. Or $20 to $100. If you go frequently. Plus... A small gift. Okay, easy. I like the girl that cuts my hair. All right. And so I have a $25 haircut. My next tip will be $20 plus like a bottle of wine. You're a creep. Why? I'm not giving her a box of condoms. Aren't you? I'm just kidding. She's married. I know. But she's very pretty, and you're going to give her wine. She is? I don't look at women that way. You've never seen her. I don't look at women that way. I do. She provides a service that is a good service. And she's pretty. If you have two eyes, you can't help but notice that she's pretty. Have you seen this PHC? That's what I'm paying for. Perfect haircut. Perfect haircut. Why a bottle of wine? Because she can enjoy it with her husband. And she's only 20, so she can't buy her own. A manicurist would get the cost of one session and a small gift. Your personal trainer.
Deserves $25 up to one week's pay or the cost of one session. Your massage therapist. Weird. $50 to $100 are the cost of a session. Your pet care people, your dog groomer, small gift and a quarter to half the cost of a session. Your dog walker, Sienna. What? Cost of one to two weeks pay. And just like the nanny, you get a small gift from the dog. Yeah, makes sense. Sure it does. Total sense. We buy gifts for our dogs. What? We wrap them and put them under the tree. Our dog has a stocking. We do that too. Everybody does. They aren't monsters. Yeah, we do too. We actually have stockings that have their name on it. Jewel? Jewels? Yeah, it would. For Jewel. Because she comes over every once in a while and sees you were made for me. Who the hell is Jewel? Hey, Jewel. We put a stocking up for you. I hate you. I hate you all. I hate you all. I hate you all. Get that Starbucks gift. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Some batteries. Here's a car freshener.
Did you know that you should be tipping your mail carrier? Yes. Yeah, I did know that. You did? Do you? I used to do a bottle of wine. My goodness. My mom always used to do cookies, but then people were poisoning their mail people, so I don't think they'll eat that stuff anymore. My grandfather was a mail carrier and used to get greased real good at Christmas. Really? Yes. He worked in the ritziest section of Dallas, and this is like 1970. And the guy would, I mean, he'd make like... an extra couple G's at Christmas time. And back then, that's a lot of data. How do you give your mail carrier the money? Put it in the envelope and say, for you. You put an envelope in the mailbox that says, for you? My mailman comes at like 3 or 4 o'clock. Mine comes at a different time every day. L.O.B.'s comes at 3 in the morning. No, mine comes at a different time every day. You write for you on the envelope? No, you write their name. How do you know their name? You ask them. You don't know your mailman's name? Am I a monster? You're a monster. I've never seen the mailman. I don't get the mail. I don't get the mail. I've never seen mine either. I have looks on the faces of the people I work with right now that say to me, you...
Just got sprayed by a skunk. So many times I'll meet them out there so they don't even have to, you know. You bring sandwiches? I bring a six-pack out and we'll sit and share. I'll make chicken salad and grab a six-pack of bud and we'll just kick it. You guys just hang. He's lived in his house for a long time. Your mailman, if you're friends with them, they hook you up. With what? Extra mail. Other people's mail? No. Credit card application. Victoria's Secret catalog. Extra Victoria's Secret catalogs. You run through those quick. You know what I mean? Hey, you want three realtor advertisements? Here's some extra coupons. Penny savers. All love. They're the neighbor's playboy. And he's going to make sure you don't get your neighbor's mail on accident. They don't get yours. They're going to keep an eye out on you. A little extra attention, Sienna. Yes. The houses in my neighborhood are really spaced far apart, and the mail comes at a different time every day. I've never seen my mail carrier. That's too bad. M1 Amanda from San Diego. Hi. Hi. I think you guys should tip, or everybody should tip their pool cleaner if they have one because they don't.
get time off for Christmas, and during the holidays, it's very cold, and the water is, like, freezing, and my husband does pool cleaning, so I think that pool cleaners should definitely get a tip. I agree. I bet all the ladies are tipping him. Oh. Jay! I bet so, too. He is very attractive. See? I like to do, like, people like that, I like to throw a bottle of wine down. There you go. I feel weird giving money sometimes. Yeah. But a little gift like that, everyone likes. I give them a gold bar and a ruby. A glass of wine. Sometimes I'll just give them loose jewels. Here, put your hand in this bag of jewels and diamonds. Oh, look, you got a sapphire. Good for you. Some diamond earrings. Bring these home to your wife. You had these lying around. Oh, I already played you. Oh, dear. Burned through all of them. Really? Don't forget to tip the UPS guy, the FedEx guy. and the paper carrier. Your morning radio host. What about your morning radio host? 100%. We wake up real early. They say that the tip for your morning radio host is it's not that bad. $10 to $20. Or just listen exclusively to us all the time. Keep your money. All the time. You guys know who Susan Boyle is? Yes. Who doesn't?
I guess everybody knows who Susan Boyle is. Voice of an angel. She does have a voice of an angel. She does. Beautiful voice. She apparently did not have the voice of an angel yesterday. There was a bit of a... There was a bit of a problem. She went on TV and this happened. Clear that. She has to stop. You think the guys were still like... What the hell's going on? What's she doing? Oh my God. Oh, yeah. Is that it? Or are you going to keep going? Poor thing. Yeah, it happens. Some water? It does. I had a frog in my throat. Put a frog in my throat. A frog in my throat? No, I'm not kidding. I've actually caught a frog in my throat. Rabbit. How disgusting would that be? Actually, I had a frog in my throat. In my throat. How did I get there?
She hung on for as long as she could. She did, man. That's a gutsy performance. Still not as good a rendition of a holy night. No one could be best. Hilary, have you heard this? Oh, brace yourself. It's real. If I tear up, if I tear up, I just don't want any better judgment because sometimes I... Let's go hold him. It's emotional. Is this Matt Carmers? Was this his response to your Santa baby? Oh, thank God. And CNN. CNN. Till he appeared. And the soul felt. Bring it down. The way we were rejoiced.
Reach deep. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I got you. I got you. I got you. All right. That's not what we expected. Uh-oh. Hold it. Hold it. Now get up here. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Here, get it. Hillary's crying. Hillary's crying. Hillary's crying. Now, this is going to require a lot of long time. Get it. Oh, no. Oh, no. Get it. Yes. See, that was pitchy. I can't excuse that part. That was pitchy for sure. Calm it down.
This is an easier note. She is in tears. Literal tears are flowing. Oh, gosh. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Still a man. Bless us all. Uh-oh. That note's too high. He's getting them. Right, right, right. Yes, yes. No! Oh my gosh. Oh no. Finish strong! My favorite part. Right here. Good recovery. Good recovery. Made it all better. In fact, smoothed out all the rough edges. Hell yeah. Right there. Now hold this last note. Hold it. Hold it.
Or don't hold it. Grab a breath. Grab a breath and then hold it. And then hold it. Oh, bravo. I will send that to you, Hillary. Who is that? Let me tell you something. This is this real guy back in the early 90s, real person, saying that at a church. Wait, that was in public? Oh, yeah, yeah. Now, he's back on YouTube now because they took it down. And he's back on YouTube now. And now he's like famous because of it. Well, his new bit. I kind of have a crush on him. His new bit is, hey, listen, if you want the original, there's been a lot of imitators. Right. I'm the guy. And in fact, I'm going to recreate it for you right now. He even holds up. He's like, this was the original sheet music that we used that night. But I saw the original back when it was still posted on YouTube. And it's somebody just with a handheld video camera at church. And he's on stage, bless his heart, in a sweater. Hitting that. And it was arranged music. All the music was arranged for him. All he had to do is sing along with the track that they'd already arranged for him. Yeah, there wasn't a band behind him. It was already pre-recorded.
Spirit was flowing through him. Maybe Jack Daniels. Holy cow. That's so good. I've heard it probably 20 times and I still... It killed, oh, probably more. Yeah, I was going to say. Conservatively. Report it 20 this week. I love it. I think our smooth jazz station that's doing all Christmas music should throw that in. Should throw it in. 100%. Should throw it in. Not even say anything, just have it come on. What the heck? Absolutely. Have the CD, just put it in there. Listen, how would you not? You have to. If I was a program director, absolutely. Have a little fun. And you don't say a word. No. That's funny. You don't say a word. That's so funny. You just say, you go. Hugo, what is it, Smooth, what are they called? Smooth Jazz. Smooth Jazz. It's K-I-F-M. It's K-I-F-M, Smooth Jazz. This is Michael Shannon, and welcome to your Wednesday afternoon. This is Oh Holy Night. We hope you enjoy the holidays. Oh Holy Night.
No one knows. People crashing their cars. What am I listening to? The phone lines just start lighting up. What is this? We got to do it. Can we do it? I literally had tears coming down my face. It's one of the greatest things. Ever. So hard. Ever. I love it. What do you got coming up, Hillary? Oh, nothing can top that. However, I grabbed the new Cage the Elephant and some White Stripes in the Clash. And because it's December 1st, we have a whole new batch of recommended albums. One of them is a band called Foles, and I will play them before 11. Really good. Right on. A couple of people have some things that they're doing for kids here in the holiday season. M1 Lane from Oceanside. Are you there? Hi. Yeah. Hi. Can you hear me? Yep. Awesome. Cool. Basically, I just wanted to kind of let everybody know in the community, I work at Ruby Steiner Oceanside. My name is Lane, and we're doing a Toys for Tots fundraiser. It's really awesome. You bring an unwrapped toy in, and you get 15% off your bill. So that's pretty awesome. Also, every Tuesday night, kids eat free under 12. Right on. So it's great for families.
Do 22-year-old kids count? Yes. Yes, what constitutes a kid? Can you be 25? All right. Unfortunately, you've got to be 12 and under. There you go. That constitutes a kid. And also, this Thursday from 4 to 7 and next Tuesday, we are going to be having a Santa be there. And it's also the same Santa that the Chargers use. Right on. So he's going to be hanging out with us, taking pictures. He's a great guy. He was there this past Tuesday. I met him. Thank you. Thank you, Lane. We appreciate it. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you guys letting me be on the radio today. You got it. M1 Tim from North Park. Quickly, what do you got? Hey, I love you guys' show. I'm a hip-hop guy, but I hate the hip-hop radio right now. Thank you. I love you guys all day, man. You guys crack me up in the morning. Yeah, man. You like Skittles? What's up? I like what? You like Skittles? Skittles is a rap artist, hip-hop artist that Eskimo Blue Waters discovered. He was discovered on the marketing show. Anyway, Tim, we need to check out my disc. What have you got, Tim? We're going to do a thing with my friends. It's basically just average shows getting together, man. We just make sack lunches. I'm a preschool teacher. I get a lot of my parents and a lot of my friends that donate blankets and clothes and stuff like that. That's great. We just go down to Petco Stadium and we sit in the parking lot and sit until everything is gone. But if anybody has anything they're trying to donate to...
You know, Goodwill, and it's just been sitting in the corner for a while. I'd be glad to pick it up if you guys want to contact me. Thank you. Go ahead. It's a 2010 Don't Hate Donate. There you go. Nice. Thank you, man. We appreciate it. Appreciate it. That's going to do it for us. Lovely and Talented Hillary is up next, and we will come back tomorrow morning at 6 and do it again. Mike and Show is out. Late.