The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 11/30/11
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Patrice O'Neal tributeDr. Conrad Murray sentencingHerman Cain presidential campaignUnmentionables embarrassing storiesWoods plagiarized poemName That Tune gameShock chair triviaRelationship giddiness callsHoliday Hootenanny promotionSports commentary (Chargers, Norv Turner)Michael Jackson case discussionComedy and music bits
The show began with Mikey discussing a loan from his cousin and launching the “Was Nicole alive?” game with Nicole, then paid tribute to the late comedian Patrice O’Neal by playing his clips and recalling his impact. Later they covered the Dr. Conrad Murray sentencing in the Michael Jackson case, featured the annual Unmentionables segment with embarrassing confessions, and ran games like Name That Tune and Shock Chair trivia while also taking calls from giddy lovers Boo Boo and Simone. Throughout, the hosts plugged the upcoming Holiday Hootenanny and various sponsor messages, keeping the tone light‑hearted yet occasionally touching on serious topics like justice and personal embarrassment.
What happened, in order
Was Nicole alive? game
Mikey launches a game where Nicole must say whether she was alive when cultural references like Culture Club came out.
Patrice O'Neal tribute
The hosts discuss the recent death of comedian Patrice O'Neal, his background, and play clips of his honest, edgy comedy.
Dr. Conrad Murray sentencing
Jay explains the verdict in the Michael Jackson case, noting Dr. Conrad Murray received the maximum four‑year sentence for involuntary manslaughter.
Herman Cain pulling out
Jay recounts how Herman Cain told supporters he might quit the presidential race, citing concerns about his judgment after seeing an awkward ad featuring his campaign manager smoking.
Unmentionables segment
As part of the annual “Unmentionables” bit, Woods, L.O.B. and Jay share embarrassing personal stories—Woods’ teenage love letter, L.O.B.’s sultry Santa Baby recording, and Jay’s accidental glimpse of his daughter on a co
Woods plagiarized poem
Woods reads a heartfelt letter he wrote at age 16 to a girlfriend, only to discover half of it was lifted from an Ojibwe Indian poem he had once owned.
Name That Tune game
The crew plays a fast‑paced Name That Tune game with buzzers, guessing songs and artists ranging from The Beatles to Tracy Chapman while earning points and bragging rights.
Shock chair trivia
Jay reveals his homemade “shock chair” that delivers a mild electric shock to contestants who miss trivia questions, leading to a painful but hilarious round of Shock Trivia.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienJayNicoleBallcatTrippCharlie SheenPatrice O'NealSarah SilvermanMichael JacksonDr. Conrad MurrayHerman CainJulie
36,166 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
I'm going to do a little change of pace today. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying, dog? Instantly I have to become like street just because I'm playing an Eminem song. Yeah, what's up? Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to play that old holy night. Hang on. I'm going to guess it. If you had. If you had. One shot. I love it. One shot. One opportunity. One opportunity. Seize everything you ever wanted. Seize everything you ever wanted. One moment. Just one moment. Would you capture it? Just let it slip. Let it slip. You could have been Eminem's friend. I wanted to be. Yo, Ballcat. Yeah, I wanted to be. Yo, Ballcat, you want to work on that song with me? Yeah, man, I'm in. I say you come over tonight and we just flesh out some lyrics, man. Let's do it. You know I talked to my cousin yesterday.
And he's going to loan me $2,000 so we can record. Get that studio time? Yeah, man. Only problem is, ball cap, he ain't going to let you in the studio. Yeah, I know, man. I was like, what's up with that? I know. I'll fix it. I'll fix it. I'll fix it. Tripp. I'll fix it. Welcome to the Mikey Show. It is 6.03. in the morning if your alarm is just going off. And let's get this thing rocking and rolling. 570-1949 is our number if you want to call us. And if you want to text, you can do that. All you got to do is text 949Mikey at gmail.com. And if you needed an incentive to call us right now, our phone screener is Nicole, who I thought of a new game this morning. Oh, yeah. Thought of a new game this morning that will involve Nicole.
All right. It's called, was Nicole alive? Oh. And what we do is we will say things, we'll just say anything. And she'll have to tell us, was she alive when that came out? We tried this morning and we said culture club. And she said, what is that? I love it. So that's going to be a good game. Never heard of culture club. Nope. She's 19. 19 years old. You got to realize that a 19 year old, she was born when. Woods was a junior in high school. Junior. Wow. Shocking. What year? 92. 92. Wow. 92. 570-1949. Nicole will screen your calls. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. That's L-O-B. And our producer is Jay. Booyah. Word of the day, utility. When you hear me say utility between now and 10, call her 9. I'll give you hootenanny tickets. So you can go to the... 2011 Holiday Hootenanny, which, by the way, is Saturday. Yeah. My Morning Jacket, Two Door Cinema Club, Matt and Kim, and Delta Spirit. And if you want to buy, you can. Just go to FM949SD.com. My brother asked for tickets. He's driving in from Phoenix. Wow. Really? Yes. For the show? For the show. Wow. Can't wait. That's right. Let's see. So there's a lot to get to, so we better just jump right in.
We're going to be talking about a comedian that passed away named Patrice O'Neill, who L.O.B. is familiar with. She was the only one out of all of us that was familiar with Patrice O'Neill. And the reason is because L.O.B. is a comedian, and he's been on some stuff, right, L.O.B.? Mm-hmm. He's been, most notably, he was just part of Charlie Sheen's roast, and he was one of the warehouse workers on the show The Office. He was part of the Chappelle Show a while ago, but he's been on all kinds of like Showtime, HBO, Comedy Central Presents type things. He was only 41 years old. He was diabetic. Oh, he's black, too. That's why LLB knew exactly who he was. Well, she knows every black comedian. Well, every black guy. Every black guy. That's true. Catalogued. So this was Piers Morgan tonight. Piers made a little mistake when he was talking about it. It's been a sad day for comedy with the death of Patrice O'Neill, who I know that you knew. She died of a stroke today. I want to take a quick look at Patrice on Jimmy Fallon to remind everyone just how funny she was. Oh. He thought Patrice was a girl. Oh, no. I would have too. I mean, Patrice sounds like a girl's name, but. Bro, you're doing a freaking show. Yeah. And if it's even a question. Yeah.
You look it up. Yes. Right? Yes. A guy wrote me yesterday. Hey, did you guys talk about Patrice O'Neal today? I'm laying there going, why should I know this name? I Googled it, and I go, oh, I know that dude. Yeah. You'd think on a big network like that. Yeah. Even if he didn't research it himself, somebody would. Patrice O'Neal was known for pretty honest comedy, and that would turn some people off because it wasn't always politically correct. But anyway, he was a very funny comic. Let me play you some of his work. 9-11 is... I got 10 more years before it's a holiday. Hamburger, hot dog, holiday. If you think it's not, just think about our country. We don't celebrate, like, Peach Cobbler Day or, you know, Honeydew Melon Day. We celebrate horrible... Mommy? How come we looking for painted eggs in the bushes? Well, sweetie, because the Jews and the Romans. Jesus up. Now, let's have fun. Have a wonderful time. Find these eggs on the back of Jesus, sweetie. Oh, man. And please pray for the Indians that died getting musketed in the face so we can enjoy this turkey and cranberry sauce.
And watch the football game. Indians get two gruesome holidays. They get Columbus Day, too. God bless them. So as you can see, he was very funny. He was funny and he was very, you know, he would just go for it, man. The delivery of a black comedian, there is nothing better than that delivery. I know it. I'm so jealous. I know. When I first started writing jokes, they were all written in a black man's voice. It's so great. Are you serious? Oh, yeah. And then I'd go to deliver them and they just wouldn't be the same because I'd be like, know what I'm saying? Know what I'm saying, guys? Yeah. Do you guys know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because I watched, that was like the comedy I appreciated. And you so, that's what you say. I would hear it in a black man's voice. Hey, do you guys know what I'm saying? You guys know what I'm saying? Are we all on the same page here? Yeah. Doesn't that translate? I'm telling you, dude. Doesn't translate. Gosh. They don't even have to be funny. I mean, it's just the delivery is great. Patrice O'Neill on typing. I can't type.
But I didn't realize how important typing was till right now. I off all my good typing years calling people was going to typing class. Me and six other dudes like, what you doing? You want to be a secretary? And now I can't type. If you can't type and you try to be in a world with people who can. You feel irrelevant. You stop, you know. You say hello to some woman on the internet. Hi. And she come back with the seven page memo. Like, hello. Whap! We were like, really? For real? All those words. You saw me type. Hello. And I yelled it evidently. In big letters it was saying hello. Really? Seriously? You think I said hello? Hey, is that what you think I did for real? Yeah? Really?
He's right. Black comedians can deliver a joke. Oh, yeah. Funny stuff. All the best. He passed away, and he had diabetes. Let's see. 41 years of age. That's how old I am. So I consider that young, you know? Yeah, it is. Consider it young. Gotta take care of yourself. Sarah Silverman tweeted, RIP Patrice O'Neal, you made us laugh until we cried. I thought that was pretty nice. That's pretty nice. Yeah. It's a very nice thing to say. Yesterday was the sentencing in the Michael Jackson case with Dr. Conrad Murray. Hi, Woods. Hi. Good morning, Michael. It's me, Michael Jackson. I know. I know. For whatever reason, man. For whatever reason, you don't like me. As a matter of fact, when I just said right now, it's me, Michael Jackson. You said, I know. Just like that. Why? I don't know. Why do you have to get so mad at me? I'm not mad. Well, can't you just like me? Yeah, yeah. I don't, you know. What if I... I didn't really like you when you were alive. Well, let's not talk about that. Bring the room down. Right. What if I was to bring in to the room right now a big sleeping bag and me and you... No way, you creep. Well, I haven't said it yet. Well, what are we going to do? You just said something about crawl.
You're already jumping to conclusions. Well, I know who you are. I'm not going to come in here and do a Jerry Sandusky imitation, all right? Too soon. Too soon. You guys want to hear my Jerry Sandusky? Beat it. How about my Bernie Fine from Syracuse? You guys want to hear my Bernie Fine? Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Beat it. Woods. Yeah. I have an idea. Uh-huh. What if me and you were to go camping together? Zero percent. Just me and you? No, zero percent. Good pop of ten. I don't need help, dum-dum. Gosh, darn it. I mean... I think he meant pitch a tent. Yeah, that's what he meant. He meant pitch a tent. Like I need... Like I need... What's wrong? Nothing. Let it pour over you like maple syrup. It feels more like hot motor oil. That's what it feels like. Ouch. Wow. A one-man sleeping bag. Yep. But with two men in it. No, zero percent.
What if we did it for charity? No. I'll crawl in first. And hide. And I'll hide inside the studio. Hide the weasel. Like I need help. I mean, I don't need it to get to another level. Just toeing the line over there. Yeah. So this was Dr. Conrad Murray yesterday. This is the judge. and giving him the sentence for killing Michael Jackson. The court has determined that the appropriate term is the high term of four years imprisonment. I do so because, once again, I find that Dr. Murray abandoned his patient who was trusting him. His patient was vulnerable under those circumstances, having been administered.
potentially dangerous drugs by his medical provider. Dr. Murray's course of conduct extended over a period of time. Dr. Murray repeatedly lied, engaged in deceitful misconduct, and endeavored to cover up his transgressions. He violated the trust of the medical community, of his colleagues, and of his patient. And he has absolutely no sense of remorse. False. Absolutely no sense of fault. No. And is and remains dangerous. No. There you go. You beat it. So they said it yesterday. That judge was not messing around. Four years, man. That's the maximum they can give Dr. Conrad Murray. And that's what they gave him. Said he'll be out in about two. Yeah.
Because of the overcrowded L.A. jails. And he lost his license. Hey, I had a question. This is what popped in my head when I was watching it. When he gets in jail, are people going to be like, yo, man, you're the one that effed up Michael Jackson. I don't think they'll put him in Gen Pop. No? Solitary? No, I think that they would isolate him because he's a known person. Yeah. I would think so. Because you'd think somebody would want to take a crack at him in there, wouldn't you? I would think so, yeah. This is Dr. Conrad Murray's defense attorney responding to everything. Is he trying to danger to society? No. Well, some people think he is apparently. I don't. You know, you never know. False. He could have bolted out of those courtroom doors and run down. Punched that elevator and within five minutes got to the bottom floor and he could have gone out and injected a bunch of people with propofol. Oh, wow. Do you really think he was a danger? He's led 56 years of exemplary life. No. He's caught up, man. Just because you don't get in trouble doesn't really mean it was exemplary. That's fair enough. That's a very good point. You get caught with one goat.
Oh, gosh. Holy cow. You make out with one guy in college and all of a sudden everyone's called gay and stuff. No, no, no. One time. It's only 6.17 and Jay's already just sucked the air right out of the room, hasn't he? Well, I'm speechless now. Let's see. So we talked about Patrice O'Neal. We talked about Dr. Conrad Murray. What else? Oh, Jay, you've got a story about McCain. Yes. Not McCain. Not McCain.
Yes, he's working to keep his political ambitions on track, but he said yesterday that he is thinking about pulling out. Oh, gee. He was on a conference call with all the people involved, and he said that in the next several days, he's going to decide whether to plow ahead. Now, if you guys remember, if you listen to the Mike-ethon, which is when we went on the air for 28 straight hours, we called a girl that I used to date, and she was on... She's on his campaign. She was on that conference call. Oh, yeah. And whatever, you know, whatever you think of Herman Cain, I wasn't really a Cain guy to begin with. And I'm a conservative. Yeah, you know what, though? You were like, well, I'll check him out. Yeah, I did. You said, you're like, yeah, I'll see what he's about. But after I checked him out, I was like, I'm not down with it. And then as things were happening and unrolling, I thought this is not a guy that has, in my opinion, the judgment. Doesn't have a lot of scruples upstairs. That wasn't the thing for me. For me, it was judgment. It wasn't a question of morality, whatever. It was a question of judgment. I thought that the decision to endorse an advertisement that showed his campaign manager awkwardly, not even naturally, awkwardly smoking a cigarette because that's who his campaign manager is, I thought was poor judgment.
Well, in a fundraising letter he sent out yesterday, he referred to White as a troubled Atlanta businesswoman who used media to fabricate and unsubstantiate stories about their affair. He's denying everything. Yeah. I am allowing Jay to do the news, which M1s have spoken. They enjoy it. They're a fan of Jay. Jay is a good guy, and people on Facebook love him more than... You could possibly imagine. He's respectful to the media. He's respectful to the public. And he's a good kid. That's right. And so they've spoken. They want Jay doing the news. Now, some people may say to themselves, well, yeah. But doesn't he mess up some of the lines? Absolutely. And he comes home crying to his mom? No, he does. Well, maybe he does. His wife. Nope. His wife. Never even think about it again. Doesn't even think about it again. Thinks of himself as. How do you think of yourself, Jay? A lyrical gangster. Thank you. So there you go. 570-1949 is the number if you want to give us a call. And our text is 949mikey at gmail.com. Speaking of Jay. Oh, well, yeah. Go ahead, Woodsy. You got some sports stuff for us. Yeah, we were going to talk about our head coach here.
Norvis Turner. Yeah. I like to call him Norvis. Yeah. There was an article yesterday in the paper from Nick Canepa saying, hey, listen, fans of the Chargers, relax. This is it. This is going to be his last run. And do you know what they have to pay him to get him out of his contract? How much? $6 million. Oh, my gosh. Wow. You know you're not that great a coach if somebody's willing to give you $6 million just to go away. Oh, wow. So I told you yesterday about Jack Del Rio being fired from the Jacksonville Jaguars. The Chargers will play the Jaguars in Jacksonville. It's actually pronounced Jaguar. Damn it. The Jags on Monday at 530 in Jacksonville. But they are saying that, listen. I bet that game doesn't happen. I bet they flex it. You think? Yeah. Because of the records? They're both turds? What that means is that if a game, as we get closer to the end of the season, if a game is really a turd because the teams have played out to be turds when they were anticipated to be good, the NFL does something now called flexing where they'll take a good game.
Put that on instead. But I don't think they can do that for Monday Night Football. I think they can. I think they can. They're not going to switch somebody's days. Yes. They will? Yes. Yeah. They'll call the team and be like, all right, Green Bay, you're playing Monday Night. Really? Yes. Gosh, I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Yeah. But also, people are calling for North's head now. You know, they want him gone now. If it happened to Jack Del Rio, it can happen to North Turner. Problem is this. He calls all the offensive plays. All of them. which, you know, leads to some of the problems that we've had. And also there's the Rooney rule that says teams also have to interview minorities for head coaching positions. So it's not something that can be done overnight in our case. And what they're going to do is reevaluate at the end of the season. But the word around the campfire is expect him to be gone. I want winners. They say he still has control of the locker room. Yeah, I read that too, and I'm like, okay. I was surprised to read that. because I would have thought at this point that the team would have lost confidence. And like Nick Canepa said, he's a good guy. He's a good dude. He's just not that great of a head coach. He was a hell of an offensive coordinator. I mean, the guy won Super Bowls and managed some really good offenses. But I've seen it happen so many times in football. As a Notre Dame fan, I saw Charlie Weiss come in and demolish that team. But the guy's a great offensive coordinator.
It is open season on the unmentionables, and the unmentionables are things that embarrass us so much here on The Mikey Show that we can't talk about them any other time of the year except for the season that we're in now. The season, open season, begins the Monday after Thanksgiving, and it runs until we go on our Christmas break. For me, the embarrassing thing is that when I was an obese kid, 21, 22 years old. Obese adult. Obese adult. Yeah. I guess I was. Damn. Okay. Ow. It hurt a little bit, but I think I can handle it. I lived in Rochester, New York, walked into a record store, saw a pretty girl, knew I had no chance of asking her out, so I went home or went to the studio that I worked at at the radio station and made a mixtape for her, and I gave it to her. We became friends. I obviously wanted more. She obviously didn't. And we maintained contact, and she allowed me to see a couple of the letters that I'd written her at the time. More like questionnaires. Yeah. I wouldn't go so far as to call them letters. It was like an essay assignment. Yeah, like a questionnaire. They're mortifying because I asked a lot of questions. Very inquisitive. Very inquisitive. You were expecting a lot. Yes. You've got to set your standards low.
L.O.B.'s deal is that when she spent her first Christmas with her boyfriend, Matt Commerce, she went into the bathroom and recorded a song for him, Santa Baby. She bought the karaoke version, and she sang Santa Baby. It's very sultry. And it's very sultry, and it embarrasses her. And I think that she says it best when she says... Who did I think I was? Who did I? That's it. You thought you were Mae West. Yeah. Marilyn Monroe. Just swinging that feather boa. Yes. Eartha Kitt. When we play it, the vein comes out. That's what we call it. L.O.B. has a vein in her forehead. And when she gets really embarrassed, she'll turn bright red and that vein will come out. Crimson red. For Jay, it's that he thought that his daughter, his very own daughter, was hot. He didn't realize it was his daughter because he was seeing it through glass on Woods' computer. But when he saw it, he jumped up and came into the studio. And when he opened the door, went, oh, yeah. And then he saw what it was, and he was horrified. He threw his back out after jumping on the beanbag. That's how mortified. And then there's my friend Woods. And his was.
A letter that he wrote to a girlfriend. It's twofold, actually. We have two embarrassing things with Woods. Lucky me. One was the letter. The other was that we sent him on his first assignment to interview people last year. And he had two very distinct voices. He had the low voice that he would speak in when he would talk to guys. His regular voice. And then he had kind of a voice like this. Pervert voice. Yeah, pervert voice. When he interviewed girls. Smarmy. Predatory. Predatory. Yeah, we call it the predatory voice. When we come back, what we're going to do is we're going to reveal a little secret that we all found out yesterday on Facebook about that letter. And we will do it after this.
The Mikey Show. I like it. I like it. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. You're a nerd. More coming up in just a couple. FM 94.9. Only three days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus. With My Morning Jacket. Wake it up. Featuring Two Door Cinema Club. Matt and Kim. Delta Spirit. and the blackout party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or fm949sd.com. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by Spy Optics. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM 94.9. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl they've made their list, I've checked it twice.
I need three smartphones. And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking. Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now, I'm all. Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades, and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. This fall. Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow will bring you on a global tour of the perfect winter. Adjust your gear, take a deep breath, and shred, launch, spin, charge, like there's no tomorrow. Join Warren Miller cinematographer Tom Day as he shoots his first 800-inch California winter and captures incredible powder turns laid down in Squaw Valley by Johnny Mosley, J.T. Holmes, Michelle Parker, and more. India, Chile, New Zealand, Norway, it's all here.
So get out there and buy tickets like there's no tomorrow because tickets are on sale now. Check warrenmiller.com for details. FM 94.9 welcomes Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow to the San Diego area this week with screenings in La Jolla, Carlsbad, and Encinitas. Ticket holders get buy one, get one free lift ticket offers to Heavenly and Mountain High and $25 off at Sports Chalet. Get your tickets at ticketfly.com, select Sports Chalet stores, and at theater box offices. Check warrenmiller.com for more information. Hey, Woodsy. Hi, Ella B. How you doing? I am well. You know, the holidays are almost here, and I've treated myself to something, and I kind of want to let everybody else in on it. It's the Ovation Cell Therapy Holiday Gift Set. This is a good idea for friends, family members. Absolutely. And you know what is a great stocking stuffer this year is the Men's Max Pack. I got to tell you, I've been using it. It's almost back to where I need it to be, and Ovation is only going to help it. It smells and feels. So good on your hair. How great does my hair look? Oh, your hair looks great. It's perfect. I've been using it like crazy. You know, at first you were telling me about it. Then I saw my wife using it and I saw what was happening with her hair. And I said, man, I got to get in on this.
So, guys, you should get one for yourself and maybe a buddy of yours. Absolutely. A brother. Dad, brother, there you go. Coworker. Yeah, so log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout, and you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com, and remember to enter FM949 at checkout for a special introductory discount. Cricket presents Obvious Life Choices, where making a good choice is also an easy choice. Take Holiday Carolers. You can go with, is that the best you got? Or, that rocks a lot. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited lameness? Or... Unlimited music. Starting at $55 a month, Cricket gives you nationwide talk, text, and data, plus unlimited music downloads from Move Music, all on the latest Android-powered smartphones like the ZTE Score. Now just $79.99 with no contract. The choice just makes itself, so score a great gift this season. Cricket, your call. Limited time offer requires new activation. See store for planned data usage and coverage details. Terms and conditions apply.
Hurry in today and you can get the ZTE score for just $79.99 this holiday. It's a great deal and an even better gift. Now at a cricket store. Cricket, your call. This report brought to you by Allstate. Call Allstate now. You'll get a lifetime membership and good hands roadside assistance absolutely free. Shop less, get more, make one call to an Allstate agent. Well, looks like we got a lot of slowing here. A lot of slowing. We'll start you off on the 54 westbound. Briarwood Road all the way down to about Grand Avenue. It's 27 miles an hour. Also pretty tough on the 15 northbound this morning from Market Street to Ocean View Boulevard, 23 miles an hour. And heading on the 94 eastbound, you've got delays from Euclid Avenue to Federal Boulevard, 20 miles an hour. This report brought to you by IHOP. Try IHOP's Holiday Hotcakes starting at just $4.99. Get in the spirit with white chocolate chip mint. pumpkin praline, or sweet eggnog, make it an IHOP day for a limited time at participating restaurants. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I know a lot of girly stuff. Woods. I've bathed myself in ranch. Lauren. I'm all about the discount, review. And Jay. Whenever I go to a party, I'll bring beer, but I bring beer for myself. On FM 94.9. Woods, why do I doubt you? Why do I do it?
Why? Because you were right. Wow. Monday night football can't be flexed, but Sunday night football can. Yeah, I didn't think they could do that because there's travel. There's all kinds of stuff. Welcome back to the show. Know this. Utility is the word of the day. I'll say it between now and 10. I'll weave it into a sentence. You won't even notice. Or won't you? If you do notice me say the word utility, you've got to be listening and call and be calling 9. And I'll give you tickets to... The Holiday Hoot Nanny. It's this weekend. Get tickets while they last. FM949SD.com So, the Unmentionables. They only happen once a year, and they happen between the Monday after Thanksgiving and the time that we go on break. Woods is a letter that he wrote when he was 16 years old to a 14-year-old girl. I think she was 15. Well, no, she was 14. Wow. Hey.
I was a junior. She was a freshman. It's very common. It's very common. We're going to read this, huh? All right. Well, I'm just playing the music because I want people to know what was revealed yesterday. Ella B., do you know about it? I did hear about it, yes. You see, the poem entitled Untitled was, in fact, plagiarized. Some of it. Well, let me read it. Okay. Awake, wonderful one who makes me smile. This is what he wrote to his girlfriend. When you look upon me, I am satisfied. The breath of your mouth is the fragrance of flowers in the morning. When you're beside me, my heart sings. A branch it is, dancing. When you frown upon me, my heart goes dark. Then, with your smiles, comes the sun and makes all.
Everyone smiles, even the sky. Yep. But I lose the way of smiling when you look at me. Look at me. I'm not looking at you. So what part was plagiarized? Well, this, you want me to tell everybody what happened? Yes. I got an email from a guy, on Facebook, from some freaking character named Evil J. Uh-huh. Weird. And he's like, that's not Woods' poem. He plagiarized it. And I go, he spelled it wrong. And I go, what's pagerized? And I clicked on his page and I saw that he had posted the original, which, so I'm looking at this and I start dying laughing. I'm like, oh my God, that is so something that a 16-year-old Woods would do. I mean, so who's the, now, is it word for word? No, no. What I did, I basically, this is what.
This is what I'm assuming happened. First of all, it's an Ojibwe Indian poem. So I start thinking, why did I have a book of Ojibwe Indian poetry? Yes. What's the date on it? 1992. The month. July. It's in the summer. So it's not a school book that I have. Yeah. Apparently I was very into Indian poetry, though I don't remember being so. Now, listen, I can't remember everything that's happened in my life. But what I can tell you is that I've never been into Obibawa poetry. Ojibawa. Ojibawa. Ojibawa. Mike, nor have I. Ojibawa poetry. I can tell you categorically, I can tell you that I have never been into that. Nor have I, my friend. I've already forgotten again. What is it called? Ojibawa. Ojibawa. Ojibawa. So I looked at the poem. I'm like, oh, yeah, I took a good, solid, like, half of it. And I took lines out, and I made it my own. You know, I made it my own, for sure. But I was laughing so hard. I was like, you're a douchebag, 16-year-old Woods. You're a big, flapping douchebag. And then I remembered what my man Malcolm X said. Your man? By any means necessary. Yes. Well, it'll be. I wore a Malcolm X hat around that time. By any means necessary.
Though I don't think he was referring to betting a 14-year-old girl. I'm pretty sure he was. He might have been, but I was laughing so hard. And I wrote the guy and I go, totally sounds like something I'd do when I was 16. You had a dream. How did he find that poem? He probably just Googled it. I just Googled the first line of the poem. And a couple of things come back. Love letters. Oh, there you go. Love letters. Maybe you had a book of love letters. Maybe you did. Maybe my mom did or something. And you found it. I found it and cribbed half of it. Oh, wow. Clown. But I want to see the original. I want to see the original and see how close it comes. So Woods is going to find it. But I'll tell you what. There's nothing greater to me than that. end line that he says on page two. This is outside of the poem. He ends his letter to his girlfriend by saying to her, you fly above my head while I dream every night. Take me to your heart for I'll run there. Super lame. That's right. Take me to your heart for I'll run there. Now, that line, that's a...
That's a Woods original. Allegedly. Allegedly. Could have been like William Blake. My credibility is called into question. The 16-year-old Woods credibility is called into question. Let's see. This is M1HB from San Diego. Hi, HB. Hi. How are you? Good. I know that Woods has really been getting ready for his bootlegger gig. I was wondering if there might be a poetry reading that night. It's a good idea. Woods is playing this Friday night at the Bootlegger. He's a guitar player and Lothario. And we'll be playing guitar live this weekend. Interestingly enough, I don't do any originals at my gigs. Clearly nothing's changed. Cover songs. Cover songs. Cover artist. Cover artist. Moccasin Fitz. Yes. Wow, wow, wow, wow. All right, here you go. All right. It's called Calling One Zone. Thank you, HB. The name of the poem is Calling One's Own. Awake, flower of the forest. Sky, treading bird of the prairie. Sky was on your last show. Oh, gosh. Awake, wonderful fawn-eyed one. When you look upon me, I am satisfied. Bam. There's one. As flowers that drink morning, your breath is their fragrance.
At evening in the moon of fading leaf. So let me show you how 16-year-old Woods thought. He took the original line, which again was, The breath of your mouth is the fragrance of flowers in the morning. Oh, no, no, no. Your breath is the fragrance at evening in the moon of fading leaf. Woods said to himself, I don't need that. That's lame. That first part about the breath of your mouth, I like that. Yeah, of course. Anything to do with your mouth. Oh, wow. Do not the red streams of my veins run toward you. As forest streams to the sun and the moon and bright nights.
When you are beside me, my heart sings. A branch it is. Dancing, dancing before the wind. I took out that other dance. You don't need to. Woods figured you didn't need to. You don't need to. Two is lame. Wow. Simplify. I was wondering where that branch line came from. Not a 16-year-old's brain. When you frown upon me, beloved. Lame. My heart grows dark. He took the word beloved out. Yeah, that's lame, dude. A shining river. The shadows of clouds darken. Then with your smiles comes the sun. You like that one? I love that one. That one's a good one. To keep her. I know. I love you. This is like bizarro world. Good thing there was no internet back then, Woods. Oh, God. I would have given her, you know, Lord Shelley. Behold me, blood of my beating heart. Earth smiles. The water smiles. Even the sky of clouds smiles. I'm so embarrassed. Yeah. I'm so embarrassed. But I lose the way of smiling. Oh, yeah. There it is. Oh, yeah. The last line, and that's the one that he stole. That'll get you, that line. Oh, yeah. But Woods is right. The last line?
Take me to your heart for I'll run there. That is all Woods later. Let's check it out. Let's check it out. Let's not be so hasty. It's from a book of love letters. He's so hasty. I love the decision making process. No, that's a good one. Yeah, I like that. Man, I got that. I died. I was like, I looked back and I go, yep, you're a clown. How did that person find that? I don't know. Just Google. You'd have to Google. And maybe they remember it. Yeah, maybe. Maybe they remember it. No freaking way. Maybe they read it. Maybe they're Ojibwe and they're offended. Could be. I doubt very much. You offended the Ojibwe. They're Ojibwe. Oh, boy. Yeah, an Ojibwe, Native American said, he can't just rip our stuff like that. I'm not going to allow it. Yep. Let's play Name That Tune. 570-1949. Give us a call and pick either myself, Woods, or L-O-B. Jay, what's the prize? Today's prize is the Madden NFL 12 for the Nintendo Wii. The perfect gift for kids and adults of all ages. All new authentic teams runs out. I don't know. To make any sense, Adam's writing. Real life broadcast cameras and more. Video game for the...
Nintendo. Okay. Nintendo. There you go, Jay. Winner. I love it. All right, now, we have buzzers that we use just so that Woods knows that he wasn't cheated. Yeah. Still get cheated with these. We had to buy a pair of $300 buzzers. Yep. So that Woods would know that he wasn't cheated. Still get cheated. Yeah, whiner, whiner. Here we go. Here we go. Do you need to switch buzzers? Yeah, let's switch. Okay, okay. All right. Woods sometimes thinks, well, this buzzer must be broke. You guys could doctor it when I'm not here, so. You need to reset, Jay. I just did. All right. All right. Is there a theme? Yes, these are songs that tell a story. There you go. M1 Red from Lake Elsinore. Who do you want? There you go. You got Hollywood's. M1 Julian from Fallbrook. Who do you want? I'll take L-O-B-C. There you go. And finally, M1 Pedro from San Diego, you got me, okay? Weird. That's right. Hang on a little. Had to be a Mexican that gets the Mexican. Of course. All right, here we go. Here we go. What's the theme? L.O.B.? The Beatles. Yeah. Not the Beatles. Darn it. Who else? Mikey. Major Tom. Darn it. It's really, you got to narrow it down. Ground control to Major Tom. It's...
Major Tom is... Who's the singer? Well, I thought it was title or artist. Well, that's not the name of the song, though. Hey, Woods. Is it Bowie? Yes. Yes. What's it called? It's called Space Oddities. Oh, it is? I thought it was called This is Ground Control. Give me that theme again, Jay. Songs that tell a story. Got it. Here we go. Does everybody reset? No, no. Hold on. Have some sympathy for the scorekeeper. That's right. Here we go. I do. Here we go. Woods. The Beatles. Yes. It's a day in the life. Now, just so people know, Jay got that clip while in the bathroom. An old 45. Yeah, he found it on an old 45. That's the way the record starts. He was like creeping on the Beatles and actually had like a recorder with him. Four track recorder. That is the way it starts. It starts off real grainy. It's not my fault. Here we go. L.O.B. Tracy Chapman. Oh, wow. L.O.B. knows her Tracy Chapman. Yes, she does. She believes that Tracy Chapman is the most underrated guitar player. Absolutely. That's not what I said. You said she shreds. I'm sorry. Shreds. Here we go. Mikey. Eminem. You creep. You creep. I didn't know. You didn't? No. You creep.
Stan, I guessed. All right, here we go. Charlie Daniels, man. Gosh, darn it. Now, Lauren's buzzer is glowing bright green right now. My buzzer and Woods' buzzer is glowing red. And Woods, who do you think hit that buzzer first? Me! You know it, right? I know I did. I know you did. You are a clown. Gosh, darn, dude. All right, here we go. L.O.B. Dave Matthews? Yeah. I'm going to play you a little bit more. This is the greatest. Mikey. Tenacious T. Oh, that's a good pull, Mike. All right. I'm getting a little cocky over here. What's the score? Score is Mike one, Lauren zero, Woods two. My blood is pulsing through my veins right now like it's never pulsed before. I feel like a fawn being hunted by a lion. Go, go, go. Here we go. Woods. Michael Jackson. Darn.
Are you kidding me, Mike? Mike, what's the matter with you? Mike? Mike! Get it together. Here we go. L-O-B. Queen. Gosh, darn it! Here we go. Bad Leroy. Oh, God, I hate that song. Bad, bad Leroy Brown. Get. Bad, bad Leroy, get. Yeah! I'm so mad. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. I'm so mad. Score! Score is Mike. One, Lauren, two, one, three. How did I not know? A famous San Diegan like Jim Croce. How did I not know it? How did you not know it? Here we go. Ah, yes, Mikey. My name is Luca. I live on the... It's Luca. Yeah, it's Luca. It's just Luca. It's just Luca. My name is Luca. I live on the second floor. That is an old school pull. Yeah, it is. Okay, I got two left.
It's Mike 2, Lauren 2, Woods 3. Oh, my God. This is close. Let's just go traditional points. We'll go traditional points. Here we go. Here we go. This is the real deal. It's for all the marbles. I know that. Woods. The Human League. Damn it. It's not over yet. It's my parryl. Gosh. All right. Last one. Who got it? Mikey. The Beach Boys. What happened? Woods still won. Gosh darn you. Dang it. I was in there and squirt. You were in there, too. Yeah. Man, that was a good game. You were in there, too. It was a good match. I tip my cap to both of you. Gosh darn. I hate it when he tips his cap. It's so demeaning. It's so demeaning. Hey, well done. Stop it. Take your stupid cap. Yeah, take your cap. Well done. The sun doesn't shine, pal. M1 red from Lake Elsinore. Bazinga. Bazinga.
There was no 18-pointers either, so it was straight up. Straight up. Straight up today. Legit. Your boy Woods won for you. Yeah, buddy. Hang on a lot. This is what Woods wrote in his recap. I did a leg workout yesterday. Finally. Then after my workout, I had to do 20 minutes of cardio. After about seven minutes, I was ready to throw in the towel. That's it. But then, in the back of my mind... I could hear Jay's voice. Oh, yeah. It's working. Yes, it is. And Jay's voice said to me, Wow, Tebbs, that's about par for the course. And because of that, he finished his workout, ladies and gentlemen. Whatever it takes. I might.
have said out loud, very quietly under my breath, F you, dude. And finished. And I got off that deal and my legs were shaking so bad. I was like, I got you, dude. I got you, Jay. Here's the topic. You ready for this? What gets you to keep going? I'll tell you what mine used to be. These are all going to be humiliating, but I want people to call us because you're revealing something about your inner self. When you tell us you're about to get off the treadmill. But you say something happens and you don't. It pushes you. Yes. It pushes you. Okay. Here was mine. Mine was Jimmy V's famous. Oh, I know. Never give up. Never give up. Never give up. Yeah. And I think of Jimmy V and I'm like, if that guy was dying of cancer and he did it, I used to think of that and it would keep me on the treadmill. That's a good one. It would keep me on the treadmill. Ella B., what was yours? I had a two-fold part. Yeah? I used to pretend like someone was chasing me. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's great. And that I was going to die if I stopped because they were going to catch me. Or, like, after someone would die, I'd be like...
You do it for them because they can't do it anymore. Like somebody you know? Or anyone. Like someone in the news. Even someone in the news. That is great. This is great. You know what he would give for just one more day? What would Ed Asner do for one more day? What would Ed Asner do for this? You embrace this day and you finish that run. Absolutely. LLB, I have done that. So many times. Oh, my gosh. I want people to call us right now. 570-1949. What else, Woods? Well, I saw this article in, I believe it was Esquire, and it shows, oh, no, it was GQ, Men of the Year. Yeah. And there is an athlete that has, both of his legs are cut off at the knee, and he has those things that he stands on, and you can run. Yeah, they bounce. And this dude is in. Without question, some of the best shape that you've ever seen. I'll bring the picture in for you guys. I'm reading that on the plane going, you fat load. You're a fat load. You're disgusting. You're apathetic and you're a fat pig. And dude, so Monday when I got home from my trip, I was like, I'm hitting it again. And like, I'm trying again.
Got my protein going. There was a guy when I lived in PB, I would run along the bay, along Mission Bay, and there was a guy that had that, and he would be out there running. And if I would see him, I'd be like, all right, I got to go. I got to keep going. Oh, yeah. What am I going to do? Go home, watch TV? That is what we are looking for here. We want you to call us if you've got those things. What are those things that you've never told anybody, but you're going to reveal them to us right now on the radio, but you've never revealed them to anyone? Hey, Matt. Yeah. I've never needed it. Nothing's ever had that. I pushed myself. It's called inner strength. You're telling me that you are so strong. Yes, Mike, I am. So strong, Jay. I always pretend I'm going pro. What? Going pro what? It means that I'm the best at it. I'm going to kill this. I own this. There's cameras hidden. Wait, wait, wait. There's cameras hidden. There's cameras hidden. They're like, oh, look what we found. This guy's a...
He's unbelievable. We found a novice that we're going to create into a professional. He's a machine. Look. Oh, my gosh. How does he do it? 570-1949. Call us right now and tell us those little things. that make you keep going, that when you even think of them yourself right now, you're like, that's pretty funny. What's the Rocky, which Rocky movie is it where he's kind of slacking and he's doing like the... The stairs? No, he's barely like training and Mickey's getting mad at him. And they show Clubber Lang, I think it's Rocky 3, they show Mr. T and he's doing this gnarly workout. That's what I think of. It's getting strong now. And so I think it's the third one. And Rocky's just kind of like, he's the champ. So he doesn't have to train hard anymore. And Clubber Lang is just getting him, dude. And that's what I think of. I'm like, don't be Rocky, dude. Be Mr. T. Be Mr. T. I know a guy used to be on the radio here in San Diego. And he lost a ton of weight. And I said, how did you do it? How'd you lose all that weight? He was embarrassed to tell me.
How have I never done this as a topic on the radio? Because we're really hitting on something here. He was embarrassed to tell me. I said, what did you do? He goes, dude. He goes, I went out and I bought the exact same suit that Rocky wears. The same sweats. The same, you know, hoodie. He got the hoodie. And he said that he would go out every morning. He would put on his iPod. And he would play this. And he would start jogging. And when it kicked in, he knew he was going to lose that. This was my song. When I did the half marathon, if I needed like an extra boost, I would go to the... And there's just something about that music that got in his head. And he said, listen, I am right now Rocky. And he would say to himself, and if you don't believe me self, just look at what you're wearing. And he would look down and he would see.
I am Rocky. I'm him. I'm Rocky Balboa. I am wearing a gray sweat outfit. I am wearing the same pair of Adidas sneakers that he wore in that freaking movie. And I am going to lose 450 pounds by the end of this very run. 570-1949. Tell us those weird, funny, bizarre things that you do in your brain to keep you going. This is the Mikey Show, FM 94.9. It's the Lexus how-to guide for giving a Lexus. Step one, visit your Lexus dealer to find the perfect gift at the perfect price for the perfect person. Step two, buy a big red bow. Step three, hold your phone up to the radio and hit record now. There, you have everything. The Lexus, the bow, and the song. It's the Lexus December to Remember sales event going on now for a limited time.
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Mental health. He can take me back. I'm not too late to get to a better state. State Farm. Don't put yourself in a state you'll regret. Call 1-877-249-7993 today. For the holidays, you don't put out your everyday china. You take out the wedding china. And you prepare all your treasured holiday foods. Because the holidays are no time to compromise. Which is why on more and more tables across America, you'll find Boar's Head Sweet Slice Ham. Sweet Slice has become a holiday tradition. Because ordinary ham has no place at the holiday table. And there's simply no other holiday ham that offers anywhere near the quality and flavor of Sweet Slice.
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Hey, The Mikey Show. All right. Let's start with Mikey. I don't trust anybody who has a P.O. box. Woods. It's against my will. That I had to go to Home Depot. Lauren. Pretty much every morning I think that somebody's going to jump out and kill me when I get into my car. And Jay. You know you're in trouble if you can't outrun your grandma. Yeah. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Woodsy is our sports guy. L.O.B., otherwise known as Lauren O'Brien, is our assistant producer. And she is the blonde, blue-eyed girl to my right. Jay is our producer. He's 48. And he's also our newsboy. What do you got, Jay? Put those bifocals on. You've got to turn my mic on, eh? He really does wear bifocals. Yes. Well, you know, when your vision goes. San Diego County may be hit with insane winds this Thursday with gusts reaching up to 65 miles an hour in the Cuyamaca Mountains and 55 miles an hour in parts of Camp Pendleton. Where's that going to happen? What mountains?
Cuyamaca. Isn't that right? Isolate. Cuyamaca. That's what I said. Go ahead. It's all generated by this thing called an inside slider. It's a low pressure system that typically drives. No, no, no. That's when the pitcher takes the ball. It's a baseball pitch. Yeah, and then he puts a. It's hard to hit. Yeah, it is. Inside slider is hard to hit. They're tough. I thought it was like a tiny sandwich. A little hamburger. A little tiny hamburger. Well, just know that you need to have everything locked down this Thursday because it's going to blow. All right, Woods, what do you got in sports? I'm going to tell you about my favorite baseball team's new manager in a second, but I wanted to tell you that sports is brought to us today by our friends at Dave & Buster's. Eat, drink, play football. The Boston Red Sox have a new manager. It's Bobby Valentine. What do you think of Bobby Valentine? I think he's an absolute clown, which I couldn't be happier about him taking over that. destructing franchise right now. It's like people are leaving. They don't want to play there. It's insane. But Bobby Valentine is bringing, actually the headline yesterday was bringing his circus to town.
Oh, wow. He's a very divisive personality. He is a clown, a big clown with a red nose. Yeah, and floppy. Floppy, big floppy shoes. And he has a flower that he wears that shoots water out of him, which is cool. Also, if you are in town tonight and want to go see the San Diego State Aztecs, you can do it. They're playing at home, 730 against Creighton at Viejas Arena. There you go. Okay, so before we went to break, we were talking about the things that you do when you're at the gym. The things that you say to yourself that will get you motivated. And we realized we all have these personal things that we say and do that are kind of funny and embarrassing when we say them out loud. Sometimes we have motivations that are outside of that. Like, for instance, M1 Chris, who's calling in from San Diego. Chris. Hey, what's up, you guys? What's going on? Not too much. By the way, I just started to listen to this show like two weeks ago, and you guys are freaking hilarious. Thank you very much, my friend. Thank you. Tell your friends. Yeah, an M1 makes new M1s, so make sure you're making new M1s out there. Will do. All right. So when I first started to lift weights in high school, getting those last three reps, I would imagine a girl saying that she would have sex with me.
That's a good one. That is fantastic. Outstanding. Yeah, so you imagined a pretend girl. No, no, no. Like, I'd pick, like, a real girl. I would just pull with it. The one he wanted. Oh, there you go. You would pick the one you wanted, and you would pretend in your mind. Samantha Jones. Yeah. And you'd go, 43, 44, 45. She's going to get it. Yes. She's going to get it good. Now, the great thing is, guy gets himself in great shape, never talks to her, but... You know what? Got himself in great shape. Oh, that's great. That's outstanding. I'm going to start doing that. Wow. Or did you? Did you ever talk to her when you got into shape? Actually, yeah. Not that year, but, like, my sophomore year, you know? So, like, after, like, a year of working out, you know, like, I felt a bit better. And I went and talked to her. I never got to date her, but I talked to her. Got it. I've seen a grown man naked. All right. Thank you very much. M1 Ben from Lakeside. Are you there? Yeah. What was your deal? Whenever I would go jogging at the park or do crunches or push-ups, if someone was next to me and running, I would have to either keep up with them or that. That guy. Yeah, you're that guy. LLB doesn't like that guy because she competes with you. Oh, yeah. She will compete with you. Next thing you know, you're running a dead sprint for 200 yards. By the way, I've never noticed with the person next to me.
In my mind, they're always going to be better and faster and whatever. Oh, I have to know. And I have to try to beat them. Is that the buffet line, Mikey? Ouch. Owie. That got me right in the gizzard. But Mikey would always be better than everyone. Yeah, he could kick some ass there. Just running into Sizzler real good. It's one place I dominated. You know what I mean? I absolutely. That was like your Madison Square Garden. Oh, yeah, bro. Sizzler. I'd walk into Sizzler and it'd be like. They're like, no, no, this guy again. In fact, they would be waving me off because I would be jumping up on top of the salad bar at Sizzler to let everyone know I just won the belt. The waitress is just tapping out real good. She's like, I can't do it. 570-1949. What is that thing that you have in your brain? that makes you go faster, that makes you go, that's kind of funny and embarrassing. And one hop for teacher from Claremont. Hey, Mikey. So mine has a little bit of a background. And for me, it's not running. It's more doing push-ups. And my motivation is my little brother who is eight years my junior. And he has those perfect George St. Pierre pecs that every man wants. And when I'm doing push-ups, and he just laughs at me. He's like, come on, dude. You can't even do 15. I'm like, dude, shut up.
He is my motivation. And still to this day, I'm 24 years old. I still don't even have sex. He does. It just slays you. That'll get you. It just kills you. Thank you. I've used different things different times. I've been cheated on. One time I thought to myself, when she sees this body, when it's done, she's going to regret everything she did. Oh, yeah. The best thing that can happen to a girl's body is a breakup. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm basically, you know, psychologically, I am a woman. Yeah. Isolate. Yeah, isolate that. Yes. Done. So, you know, we think very similarly. Yes. I used to listen to, like, hate music and just get on the treadmill and be like, oh, you're going to rue the day. Now, it needs to be noted. hate music for L.O.B. is really, really strong-corded Tracy Chapman songs. Led Zeppelin. Very strong-corded Tracy Chapman songs. There was one song, like, I don't know. Edie Burkell. No. It was She F-ing Hates Me. Oh, yeah. Puddle of Mud. I remember. Puddle of Mud. Yeah. That was a good one. Puddle of Git. Puddle of Git. Let's see. M1 Sanjaya, are you there? Yeah.
Yeah, what's up, man? What's up, dude? Yeah, dude, what I do to motivate myself, say I lost a remote somewhere in a house, like under the couch or something, I'll count to 10, and if I don't find it before 10, then I tell myself I'm going to have bad luck. That's a great motivation. Oh, genius. It's a great motivation. Just tear the place apart. Yeah, I mean, it's a good motivation. He's running around his house like a lunatic looking for his remote. Stuffing flying all over, feathers. Feathers everywhere. That's gold. That is gold. Hey, thanks, man. Potato chips all over my shirt. Oh, yeah. It's awesome. Enchilada sauce real good. Thank you. Don't blame that on the remote. Well, that's, it just happened. That's just his heritage. You know it's going to happen. Word of the day is utility. I'll work it into a sentence between now and 10 when I do. And you're calling nine. I'll give you tickets to go see the Holiday Hoot Nanny. It's going to be at the Jenny Craig Pavilion Saturday. My Morning Jacket. Why did you laugh, Woods? We just called the Pavilion. Okay. Yeah, because we're a little overweight. I get it. My Morning Jacket, Two Door Cinema Club, Matt and Kim, and Delta Spirit are all going to be performing. This, what you're about to hear, is Mike Tyson singing Girl from Ipanema. Now, this may have escaped all of us, but... Oh, no.
We were able to find it on a Brazilian TV show. Take a listen. Come on, come on. Yes. Senhoras e senhores, ao piano, Daniel Jobim, cantando no caldeirão, Mike Tyson, garota de Ipanema, the girl from Ipanema. Up to you. One, two, one, two, three, four. Tall and tan and young and lovely. The girl from Ipanae goes walking in. When she passes, each one she passes. She's like a samba that swings so cool and swings so gentle. When she passes, each one she passes. Watch her so sadly. LMB is doing the Carmen Miranda dance. Yeah, she's doing the can-can. That's fantastic. Uh-oh. I forgot the words at that point. Hi, Mike.
Hey, Mike Tyson. Hey. That's the thing. Sometimes I'll forget the words when I'm trying to sing the songs, and it'll screw me up, and I was hearing it like I was in a stadium. So I would sing it, and then I would hear myself reverberating through the reverberate. Right. Did you have a monitor, like a thing in your ear, or just? Yeah, I know what you're doing. You're trying to make a joke about... No! Yeah. No, no, I didn't even cross my mind. And you're trying to say that because... No, no, no. Don't get him mad. I don't want to get him mad. No. I really like your face tattoo. I really do. Why are you doing that? No, I do. I'm like the only one. I really like it. You don't really like it? I do. I think it's so cool. Nobody really likes it. I do. I like your singing. What? Yes. I don't even like it. You like it. Were you doing a list to me? I don't know what you're talking about. What? Wood, stop poking the tiger. I'm not poking him. Oh, I get it, L.B. You're saying that because I used to punch my tigers in the balls. That's a well-known thing. It actually is a thing. I used to punch my tigers in the balls and we would play. That was the way we used to play. It's just pigeon talk. Yeah, it's pigeon talk.
I've never even heard that phrase. That's not a real phrase. You're pigeonholing him. I came up with that so that you could make fun of the fact that I raised pigeons. Yeah, well. You're going to say something to me about... I like your acting. Are you thick? I'm going to put up with that. His voice is not bad. It wasn't that bad. It was pretty smooth, except for the S's. The S's will get you. He's got to be really careful, you know. Do you think that he Googled a song that had the least amount of S's than any other song? As many vowels as possible. Yes. A hundred. 570-1949. Do you know the Hawaiian language has no vowels in it? No, it does. No, it's all, no. It doesn't have any consonants. Yes, it does. K, M, L. That's easy, Jay. Easy, Jay. It has half the amount of letters as we have. Wait, wait, wait. What is the bit? What's the bit? I think that the Hawaiian language has, every single word in the Hawaiian language has a vowel in it. Now, I don't know. Gosh, there's something about it. Say stuff? Sorry. There's a fact. Somebody will call us. M1 Nation, call us. There's a thing about it.
570-1949. It either doesn't have something or it has something. Word. It has two vowels, maybe? Together? They'll call us. They'll tell us. Our audience knows everything. Poo-poo platter? Yeah. Kapah-ah. Or kapah-ah-ah. No, yeah. 570-1949. This is new from Michael Buble. In fact, it just came out yesterday. Oh, L-O-B, does this song sound at all familiar to you? Oh, really? Oh, my gosh. Some songs are just meant for women. Some songs are just meant for women. Agreed. Yeah, you know, like this. Oh, boy. Gosh.
That is our girl, Lauren O'Brien. When it's played after Professional Singer, I realize the absurdity of it. Well... Not before then? No, of course not. Of course not. Hadn't yet set in. Well, I mean, after all, L.O.B., what is absurd about going into a bathroom at the apartment that you shared with some people that you just met on Craigslist while they were out of the house, going into that bathroom, closing the door... hooking up your Mac computer and singing into a pair of earbuds. Oh, no, there's nothing weird about that. Not at all. Look, Tom Jones. Screw it. I just pretend it's not me when I hear it. When I hear it, okay, I'm going to unpause it, Woods. And when I do, I want you to just in your mind go, I'm listening to our friend, Lauren. Next year, a Christmas list. Boom, boom, boom, boom. So stupid. And what she wanted that song to convey was get you. Oh, yeah, you're going to get. Wait till you get back in town. Wait till you get back in town. I hate that one. Oh, my God. Christmas tree. So sharp. Christmas tree.
So bad. She sent that to her boyfriend. Oh, my God. And he opened up his computer and he listened to that. Santa, honey. Oh, my God. So gross. This was the new girl that he was dating. Santa cutie. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I would have been mortified. It's a really clean clip, that last one. I wonder if L.O.B. sent that to him. And at that part of the song, she wanted to almost write in the body of the email. I want you to especially listen for the part where it says... I want you... Yeah. Oh, yeah. I want you to read between. I trimmed his Christmas tree. I bet you did.
Hey, Mike. I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. You know what it reminds me of? What, Woods? Have you ever eaten at a Brazilian steakhouse where they bring you all that meat? Yes, yes. About 30 minutes after you leave a Brazilian steakhouse, you have something that I like to call the meat sweats. Yeah. And when I picture her sending... That email, pushing back from the computer. Yes. She had the meat sweats. Real good. Like, what did I just do? What did I just do? I think I lost like seven pounds while I was waiting for it. Absolutely. She knew she had a hit on her hand. I was just nervous that he was going to let other people listen to it. Well, now. Which now. You were embarrassed. You called him. You were embarrassed he was going to listen to it pretty much. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Dirty movies. Yeah. Filthy pornographic. German. German. Japanese. Japanese, yeah. Longer than it's ever been. Like Japanese anime. Oh, yeah. You know, just everything. Oh, my gosh. Norwegian stuff. Yes. The whole bit. Very big into Danish pornography. What is wrong with me? I love it. Gosh. Santa. Honey. Oh, God.
Hands on the hips. Yeah, hands on the hips. Santa, honey. Oh, babe. Oh, it's so mortifying. Why does it happen? Oh, my gosh. Is she something else? She is something else. It's the only way it can be put. She is something else. I can't hear that song when I'm out shopping and not just be like, oh, my gosh. What if somebody sees me? Be like, hey, Ella B., listen. Check it out. It's your song. The deal is, this is the only time we are allowed to mention the unmentionables. That includes you, M1s. That's right. That includes you. M1 Nation, you can always feel free to get in on this. Yes. You can always feel free to call in and give us just a little taste of what you like. We're going to play Shock Chair Trivia. No, we're not. No, we're not. No, we're not playing. I don't want to. Yeah, let's do it. Executive decision. No. Jay has a chair that's been rigged to shock us. And we did it during the Mikey-thon. Sucked. Oh, yeah. It did. It gets you. It hurts. What if one of us has a heart attack? We'll miss you. I was worried about that. All right. 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More than 94.9. This can be the best holiday season ever.
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The 5th of December to Dave and Buster's, where I will be watching the San Diego Chargers take on the Jacksonville Jaguars. Jag-wars. Jags. The Jags. The Jacksonville Jags. Listen, this is a must-win. If there's ever been a must-win game for your San Diego Chargers, this is it. So come out and support the team with me at Dave and Buster's. First of all, I want to tell you, the food there is phenomenal. We were there about... a week ago, and we all feasted, and it was so good. The food's good. The games are fun. The drinks are good. We have a blast. Every time we're out there, we shoot hoops. We throw the football. It is an awesome, awesome time. Dave & Buster's is located in Mission Valley. It's the only one in town, okay? So it's 2931 Camino del Rio North. Come down there. We're going to play some hoops. We're going to, you know, eat some Hawaiian sliders. We're going to watch some football. It's a fun... Fun night out for you and your entire family. So come on out next Monday the 5th, San Diego against Jacksonville at Dave and Bussers with your OP dub. It's the holidays, 1939. Life is slower. Times are simpler. Stores don't put up their Christmas displays in September. People have conversations instead of cell phones. You only have to juggle if you're in the circus. It's the holidays, 1939.
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Your call. Hey, Woodsy. Hi, Ella B. How you doing? I am well. You know, the holidays are almost here, and I've treated myself to something, and I kind of want to let everybody else in on it. It's the Ovation Cell Therapy Holiday Gift Set. This is a good idea for friends, family members. Absolutely. And you know what is a great stocking stuffer this year is the Men's Max Pack. I got to tell you, I've been using it. It's almost back to where I need it to be, and Ovation is only going to help it. It smells and feels. So good on your hair. How great does my hair look? Oh, your hair looks great. It's perfect. I've been using it like crazy. You know, at first you were telling me about it. Then I saw my wife using it and I saw what was happening with her hair. And I said, man, I got to get in on this. So guys, you should get one for yourself and maybe a buddy of yours. Absolutely. Brother. Dad, brother. There you go. Coworker. Yeah. So log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. And you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com. And remember to enter FM949 at checkout for a special introductory discount. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl they've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones. And she says.
Try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking... Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now, I'm all... Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at VerizonWireless.com. Innovative career choices are waiting for you at California College San Diego. Books and laptop included in your tuition. Call 1-800-390-6489 to start on your new career path today.
This report, it's brought to you by IHOP. Try IHOP's holiday hotcakes starting at just $4.99. Get in the spirit with white chocolate chip, mint, pumpkin praline, or sweet eggnog. Make it an IHOP day for a limited time at participating restaurants. Some slowing this morning, actually a lot of it, on the 805 northbound, 94 eastbound, all the way down to Plaza Boulevard. It's about 20 miles an hour. Also, some backup here on the 5 northbound from the 15 North to 9th Street, Plaza Boulevard, 18 miles an hour. Drive on the 905, the westbound side's tough, Byer Boulevard, to Picador Boulevard, it's 28 miles an hour. This report brought to you also by Constant Contact. Looking to increase sales during the holiday season? Use email marketing from Constant Contact. Boost your small business. Get started at ConstantContact.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird from Bird Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Wednesday morning. This is being brought to you by Bird Surf Shed, of course, and come by anytime. Check out our selection of surfboards for your Christmas wish and needs. New and used, custom built, and we want them.
Surf-wise this morning, seeing a continuation of that west-northwestry swell, primary source of energy, secondary to southwest out there as well. Maybe a notch down from yesterday. Still surf, though, running in that waste chest zone on average. Shoulder-high plus at the standout spot. Some trippy little fog pot is moving in and out, so visibility is somewhat obscured at some spots, even though for the most part it looks like it's going to burn up quickly. Condition-wise, looking pretty clean, kind of a moderate low right now, heading up to a fairly high high at around noon, so that will have an effect on size and shape at all areas. Reef break, low tide spots right now looking better. Other areas that need that higher tide push will improve throughout the morning, too, especially once the spot starts to back off. Otherwise, I don't know, looking like it'll be another fun day to surf. For up-to-the-minute surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com and for surfboard repair restoration needs. Go see Joe Roper, especially before Christmas gets those boards looking good. The Authentic Surf Report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. I have had enough. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. Things happen. I got diarrhea. Woods. I have two speeds. I have stop and go. Lauren. So everybody knows how I feel about bottled water. Right. I hate it. And Jay. They said there's breastfeeding out there. I was like, I'm in. Check, check.
One, two, three, check. On FM 94.9. Well, I was asking our M1s and M1 Nation, what is it about the Hawaiian language that's unique? Every single word in the Hawaiian language ends with a vowel. That's what it was. There we go. Thank you, M1 Brian. We are going to play Shock Trivia. Are we? Yes, we are. Absolutely. We are going to play Shock Trivia. We'll do it in just a minute. But first, there is a very, very creepy story out of Florida. It has to do with a young woman who went missing named Michelle Parker in Orlando. Strange things, Woods was saying. Strange things ever happen in Florida? I mean, come on, dude. I mean, weird stuff. This woman went missing, and they believe...
That it's her ex, a guy named Dale Smith. Smith was dishonorably discharged from the Marines in 2003 after he was court-martialed and convicted of drug possession and domestic violence. According to police reports, the victim of that domestic violence was Smith's second wife, Shannon, who died just a few months later in what was ruled an accidental drug overdose. In the 90s, Smith was charged with a number of crimes, including burglary, trespassing, and aggravated battery. but was only convicted of battery, serving 10 days in jail. With Michelle, the relationship was described as rocky. I felt somebody grab me and yank me around. In 2009, she sought a restraining order against Smith when the twins were just infants. It was never granted, citing a lack of evidence. Now two years later, Parker is missing, and her twins, too young to even understand, are missing their mother. Now, they were on people's court. Yeah.
Not too long ago. They were on People's Court. In fact, she went missing the day that their episode aired. What? How strange is that? Yeah. So, obviously, he is the key suspect. We just heard from his attorney, and his attorney said he will not take a polygraph test because, quote, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Are you? Maybe you're nervous. Is that what he means? I don't know. You're nervous. You're nervous, and so you'll give a faulty test. If I didn't do something, I'd take a polygraph right now. Yeah. If that's what they wanted, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, they don't want to talk to me about cocaine or anything. Hello. Hello. Take the polygraph and put it in front of me. I don't care. I'm going to wear rubber band around my arm. Take it. You guys stalling? Yes, absolutely. Doing Charlie Sheen impressions? Can we do some more bits? I don't want to do this. I hate this bit. Time for... I'm taking off my watch. She's plugging stuff in. I'm taking off rings. I'm taking off rings. Jay made a chair that has stuff around it, and it will shock you. It's an electric fence energizer. You're an SOB. It's good for about, I think, 20 acres. Let's see what happens when you touch that. A little spark. Let me see.
Okay, well, how do we make it shock us? You sit in the chair, you pull your sleeves up, you put them on the arms. L.O.B. is going to ask you trivia questions. We each get three. If you get through all three, hey, no shocking for you. What if you miss all three? So do I have to do the actual shocking? We can take turns shocking, but the deal is... You can't just be shocking people for fun because it hurts. I want L.O.B. to do the shocking. I don't trust. I think it makes sense. I don't trust. She could ask the question. I mean, she can. Yeah, if she wants to. I don't care. Yeah, she could do both, right? Then you have to come stand over here. Okay, you just have to show me how. Oh, my God. Jay made that, Woods. He's a sadist creep. I'll go first. I wonder what. No, I want to get it over with. Did you buy that from Al-Qaeda or us? Yeah. Aren't you guys alternating? It's not a first thing, is it? We could alternate. Alternate. Yeah. Alternate. Alternate. So you got to stand behind and you're not going to want to touch the microphone at the same time. Oh, my God. Oh, this isn't safe. Wow. That just scared me so bad. Jay, he's an interesting guy. This was his idea.
Of course it was. I was just in my garage this weekend building a sex chair. Then I figured, hey. I figured I'd have to build a shock chair, too. Hey, Wood, you know how a lot of different things are invented by accident? Yeah. You know, like, say, Cracker Jacks, you know? It was a pure accident. It was a bunch of popcorn that fell into a whole bunch of caramel. It turned out to be delicious. Yeah. I was making a perverted sex chair last weekend, and by accident, I figured out this is going to make a great shock chair for the radio. For both. Oh, my God. My heart's beating fast. My heart is, too. Oh, my God. I hate this. I hate this. Do not touch the metal. Do not touch the metal. Yeah, and just do a quick touch. Which part? Anywhere. Any of the metal on there. Okay. Can she practice? I want to see how she's going to do that. She's got to do it quick. Just touch. Oh, that's too long. That is way too long. My God, that was too long. That's it. Bam. Okay. I don't want to do this. Oh, gosh. She just scared me. Jay's on the chair. Jay's on the chair. Do I? I can give you music. Sure. Let me give some music. Do you have something for, like, Dead Man Walking? No, no. I've got the perfect thing. I've got the perfect thing for such an auspicious occasion. Maybe you guys should actually teach. I have to be in a mic.
say the question unless I just yell. Well, sure. Well, Lauren, you're the only person that I trust. Can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. And you're the only person that I trust that can do this. All right. Hang on a second. Hang on. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. By the way, nothing makes Woods more uncomfortable than being shocked. Nothing. Nope. And so this is harder for Woods to do. than it is for anybody else to do. It's also because he's a P-word. I thought I had a... I don't know what happened to it. We might have to break soon. Alright, let's do this. Alright, let's just do this. Don't chase me, bro! You might be happy about the first question. Who plays Harry Potter? In the movies. Uh, Radcliffe. That's correct, Daniel Radcliffe. So we rotate. Ooh, Woodsy. Shut up, L.O.D. Oh, no. What number president is Barack Obama? Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. I'm scared of him. Correct answer is 44th. Oh, my God. You're a monster. Can I ask you to say.
No, before you. No. Well, that's for the audience. The audience kind of needs to. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Say this. I'm sorry. I actually did find a great music bed for this. My legs are shaking. Does it hurt? Yes, it hurts. It hurts like a madman. All right. It hurts like a madman. All right. I'm coming around. Gosh, L.O.B. Okay, Mike. Oh, God. This question I'm going to give you some leeway on. Okay. Okay. Give me a name or a basic description. Who is Kate Hudson's fiance? Put your arms on the armrest, Mikey. Kate Hudson's fiance? That's correct. It is, uh, he's a baseball player and his name is Alex Rodriguez. Sorry, Mike. It's incorrect. It's Matt Bellamy from Muse. Muse. I didn't feel anything.
You did that time. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. We're done. Oh, gosh. That is skeevy. First day, one round only. Oh, my God. Okay, I'm ready. Okay, Jay. Yes. What pop sensation just had a 90-minute special on ABC for Thanksgiving? Lady Gaga. Son of a. That's correct. How dare you? How dare you? Yeah. Woods is sitting in the chair now. Get away from me. Yeah. What is the name of the Kardashian's brother that was just on Dancing with the Stars? Rob. I knew that, too. Correct. Woo! Got him. Just do this, man. Just do this. Just do it. Mike. Yeah? What is the title of Adam Sandler's new movie where he plays himself and his twin sister? Oh, dude!
Take it on the show. It is called... I don't know. Oh, God. Oh, no. Take a guess. Take a guess. It's called... Luke. It's called Better Me Again. That's incorrect. Surprisingly, it's called Jack and Jill. Oh, I hate it. No. That one is too strong. Good round. Good round, guys. All right. Good job. No, no, no, no. I don't want it. I don't want it. That's it. Here we go. Oh, I'm scared. Okay. I want three. Jay. Yes. First winner of American Idol in 2002. Carrie Underwood. Sorry, Jay. I think. Yes. Oh, get it. Get it. It's Kelly Clarkson. Kelly Clarkson. Nope. Didn't feel it. Nope. Didn't feel it. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I saw that spark. Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. Jay's a sadist. He wanted it. A massacre.
Woodsy? Yeah. You should feel pretty confident. Who was just named people's sexiest man alive? Bradley Cooper. That's correct. Yeah! I know it. Woo! Yes! Is she picking hard ones for me? Nope, they're all in order, but... Oh, thank you, Jesus. I think you should feel good about this. Thank you, baby Jesus, so much. Thank you. Okay, go. Mikey. I just tebowed. Yeah! I just tebowed. Who won Artist of the Year Award? Okay. At the recent American Music Awards. Taylor Swift. That is correct. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Let's unplug this thing. Are we done? That's it. Oh, gosh. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being over. Good job, Mike. Good job, Mike. Good job. I never want to play that game again. I don't ever want to play it. My heart, dude. My heart. We do this for ratings? That's the deal? My heart's beating out of my chest. So is mine. So is mine. So we do this for ratings. That's our bit. We will get shocked in a chair that is homemade to keep cattle inside of their boundary zones. That thing freaking sparks, dude. Oh, yeah. When it sends, do you know what's involved there? Just enough to be dangerous. Don't do this at home, by the way. Yeah, please. We do this because we're adults.
Men professionals. Silly, silly, silly. Yeah, playing stupid games. I can't catch my breath. It schemes me out so bad. It does, dude. I didn't want to do it because I don't want to affect my fertility, so. Gosh, with you. Are you? Really? Oh, my God. I mean, you will play a card. I got to keep the few eggs I've got left in the basket, okay? Oh, my God. I'm going to go frying them up. I have a burning in my loins right now. That can't be safe. That cannot be safe. Those questions, L.O.B. You guys don't care if the boys swim anymore. Oh, I'm taking care of that. L.O.B., of course, is talking about the fact that she is unmarried. Correct. Unchild. Unwed. Unwed. Unwed. Well, not for long, but... Do you know something we don't? Yeah. Yes. I believe that you will. You do? No, but... I believe he will ask. I believe he will, too. I believe he will ask very soon. I'm not really waiting anymore. Ship has sailed. Yeah, ship has sailed. For now, we're just two crazy kids having fun. No, ship is still in dock. The ship is still in dock. It's like a 60% divorce rate in California, so I think I'll just play my card. I'll hold my cards close. Listen. Just go have a tape, baby. No, it's going to happen. It's a good idea. Domestic partners. Yeah.
Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Life partners. Life partners, if you will. Friends. But you're more than friends. Buddies. Pals. Lovers. Well, I don't get hung up on the small stuff. You make me so uncomfortable. You guys are more worried about it than I am. Especially you, Mike. Because you know I'm out of wedlock. Giving it away for free. Bumping and grinding. Backseat of my Jeep, the swing-in episode. Oh, wow. Uh-oh. Jeep. She's knocking boots. Everybody, we're going to get laid. Horizontal mambo. This song is called Friends and Lovers, everybody, and you're listening to Smooth and Easy FM 94.9. And this song is going out to Lauren, if she's listening out there today. Speaking of smooth and easy.
I'm not sure where that came from. I was doing a live broadcast here and suddenly heard something in my headphones. I don't know where it came from. That's your producer, Ted. I just heard in my ear here from my producer that that's my producer, Ted. He's talking about one of your listeners. No, your Ted. As it turns out, I am Ted. And that was my producer. Correct. So this one's going out to Lauren. Who's listening tonight in sunny San Diego. She sends it out to her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. It's called Friends and Lovers. Now, one should note that it's very uncomfortable when we play this song. L-O-B. Mike Esparza. I will say that by this time next year, you know. I'm not worried about it. All right. Can't be. You can't be. Can't do it. Watch pot.
It never boils. Never boils. That's right. Meanwhile, that pot is getting all kinds of noodles in it. I believe that. Wow. Not just one brand of pasta. Oh, wow. Is that right? That is... It's the way it works, right? Got to boil a lot of sausages. You know, the double entendres, I think, have probably... Well, that one... It's not even a double entendre. I mean, it's a... It's just saying stuff. Yeah, it's just saying stuff. It's just flat out saying stuff. You know? Yeah. Nope. Nope. I mean, it's flat out saying something. Yeah, it's just saying stuff. Why settle for the rigatoni when you can have the fettuccine? Oh. Or the elbow macaroni. It's not like that. What about the fusilli? Ah, it's kind of uncomfortable. I bet. It's like a corkscrew. Oh, I thought that was the bow tie. That's a farfalle. Farfalle. Yes, that's uncomfortable. I like the corkscrew. It's delicious. Penny. Now that'll get you. Well, to L.O.B. and Matt. How do you go home, L.O.B., and look this guy in the eye? We don't live together or anything. Oh, God bless Mike. Gosh, you're too inquisitive. A couple times a week, I'll see him. You're too inquisitive. But the other times a week, nobody knows. Hey, you're going to put in the head of some listeners that, hey.
I'm just going to ask her out because maybe I'll get to slay her. Hey. Maybe. If I were the BFMC, I'd be losing my mind. A hundred. I'd be like, keep your paws off my chick. Yeah. He's not usually awake to hear the show. Aren't you lucky? You are very lucky. When I got, if Lauren was my girlfriend and she came home, I'd be like, yeah. Just making jokes? Yeah, that's what I do. Well, you're funny. You start dating a comic, and what do you expect? Get ready. A bunch of sad songs? Yeah, just making jokes. Lauren's a comedian, you know, so she can always fall back on that. I do, I fall back on that. She can always say yes. Much like my missus, when I walk in the door, oh, you're just making jokes. 21-year-old girls. Yeah, 16, more like it would be. 14. Mm-hmm. Yeah. My wife says a lot, what am I going to do with you? Really? That's her phrase. What am I going to do with you? She goes, what am I going to do with you? She's talking about the body, right? Wow. He's like a ninja. He's like Lee Harvey Oswald. You got to hide it. Well, I mean, that's where you get caught. No body, no crime. You're John Kennedy. You're driving in a Cadillac. He's in the book suppository window, as he would call it. I'll tell you what it is.
Have you ever seen the opening sequence of A Clockwork Orange? Years ago. All the guys are walking together. They're all buddies. Yeah. And then out of nowhere, all of the guys jump one of the guys in slow motion. That's a good time. I like to think of myself with a big phallic thing crushing you. What's his obsession with phallic things? He's obsessed. Jay. Let me interview you, Jay. Yes. Go ahead. I want to get inside your mind. Oh, careful in there. It's dirty. It's dirty. Something might rub off on you. Well. Oh, God. Didn't know it was a date. The music to Inside the Actors. Oh, okay. You just want to play on dates. Oh, it's so hot on you. Oh, my God. I love it so much. Joining us today.
for Inside the Actor's Studio, is someone who first encountered at KIOZ. And then, after he was unceremoniously fired, created his own company called IsbellProductions.com, which he then sold to his wife at a profit. And then began working with Mikey on The Mikey Show at KBCT. Jay Isbell. It's a pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me. Jay. Why are you so creepy? Really, I don't think it's creepy. Yes, but you're absolutely fascinated with sex. Yep. And fat and people that are fat. A few of my favorite things. Oh, sorry. Dongs. It's just a funny word. No matter how you slice it. Why are you so obsessed with these things, these dongs? Oh, God. You know, it must have started when I was really, really young. And it's just carried into your late 40s. Is that right? Late.
Late 40s. You're 48 years of age. Yes. Do you ever think that you'll grow up? Do you? Do you? Do you ever think that you'll grow up? Why would I? Jay, may I ask you another rather personal question? Absolutely. Why would you pee on the back nine? Because it's what men do. Do? No. They? Mr. Lupton, please ask him what men are. What are men? Jay? You wouldn't know. For those of you that are new to the Mikey Show, Jay once went to number one, a golf course. Who hasn't? Me. In a fairway. Women don't get to. Everyone. Men get to anyway. In a fairway. In a fairway. You don't think in a fairway. On a fairway. Driving range. That's disgusting. Got a great email I want to do for you.
What presidential candidate incorrectly said that the voting age is 21? Next. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Only three days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus with my morning jacket. Wake it up! Two Door Cinema Club, Matt and Kim, Delta Spirit, and the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or FM949SD.com. The FM949 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by Optic. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM949.
An AT&T phone or tablet is the perfect gift. And the AT&T holiday sale is the best time to get one. I mean, who doesn't like sending photos or downloading HD videos on the go? When you give someone a phone or tablet, they think, wow, this person really gets me. Suddenly, the two of you are bonded in a special warm way that will really come in handy when, say, you need someone to watch your cat, Mojo, or move a couch up a spiral staircase. Come to the AT&T Holiday Sale, and remember, you're not just getting a great deal on a phone or tablet, you're getting someone who will help repave your driveway. AT&T. Rethink Possible. Come in and save on the perfect gift from AT&T, like the Samsung Galaxy S2 4G smartphone, for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 for $479.99. My favorite instrument is the triangle. My favorite flavor is caramel. My favorite animal is the seahorse. My favorite word is undulating. My favorite parent is my mom. Sorry, Dad. My favorite McCafe drink? I can't pick just one.
Come take a fresh look at McCafe's luscious beverages made just for you with real whipped cream, rich chocolate, and drizzled indulgently with caramel. Whether it's the new caramel hot chocolate or an iced or hot caramel mocha, stop in today to find your new favorite, the simple joy of caramel at participating McDonald's. Listen to this. What? You know what? You better sit down. But we're in an elevator. Trust me. Sit down. Fine. Ow. Oh, sorry. It's okay. It's back. What's back? It. You mean? Yep. Awesome. Excuse me, what's back? McRib. Tender pork. Slathered and tangy barbecue sauce. Pickles. Onions. Toasted bun. I love McRib. Can I get your number? The McRib sandwich is back for a limited time. Just $2.79. Only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. It's not easy finding holiday gifts and staying within your budget. Fortunately for you, the parts professionals at your local O'Reilly Auto Parts store are always here to help. Stop in today and find great gift ideas starting at $6.99. Items like Ultra Steel 40-piece socket sets, Performance Tool 8-piece screwdriver sets or toolboxes, hex sets, and more. And with thousands of products, accessories, and tools in stock at everyday low prices, an O'Reilly Auto Parts gift card is an easy way to give a gift you know they'll like.
From handy gifts starting at $6.99 each to gift cards for any amount, O'Reilly Auto Parts has your holiday shopping already in the bag. O'Reilly Auto Parts. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supply. See store for details. It's the Lexus how-to guide for giving a Lexus. Step 1. Visit your Lexus dealer to find the perfect gift at the perfect price for the perfect person. Step 2. Buy a big red bow. Step 3. Hold your phone up to the radio and hit record now. There, you have everything. The Lexus, the bow, and the song. It's the Lexus December to Remember sales event, going on now for a limited time. Lease the 2012 CT200H for $359 a month for 36 months with $29.99 due at signing. And as a gift from Lexus, we'll make your first month's payment. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego.
Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important lease offer details. Complimentary first month's payment is up to $700 through participating Lexus dealer and Lexus financial services. Not all customers will qualify. Excludes official fees, taxes, title, license, registration, and dealer charges. Offer valid in the Lexus western area only and ends January 3rd, 2012. Channel 4, San Diego. Your home. Aztecs. Catch super sophomore Ronnie Hillman and record-setting quarterback Ryan Lindley as they set their sights on the Mountain West Championship. Don't miss a minute of live gridiron action as the Aztecs battle Fresno State, 5 p.m. Saturday on Channel 4 San Diego. Everything Aztecs, everything Chargers. The Saquon Casino postgame show, weeknights at 10 on Channel 4 San Diego. For the holidays, you don't put out your everyday china. You take out the wedding china. And you prepare all your treasured holiday foods. Because the holidays are no time to compromise. Which is why on more and more tables across America, you'll find Boar's Head Sweet Slice Ham. Sweet Slice has become a holiday tradition. Because ordinary ham has no place at the holiday table. And there's simply no other holiday ham that offers anywhere near the quality and flavor of Sweet Slice.
Sweet Slice is Boar's Head smoked bone-in ham without the bone. It's already cooked, so all you do is heat it up and carve. There's no trouble. There's no waste. Just applause. From all of us at Boar's Head to all of our friends across this wonderful country of ours, we wish you the happiest of holidays. Boar's Head. Compromise elsewhere. This report brought to you by Applebee's. Come see what's sizzling at your neighborhood Applebee's. Try new sizzling entrees like new double barrel whiskey sirloin, sizzling Cajun steak and shrimp, and sizzling queso chicken today. All at your neighborhood Applebee's. Well, we've got some backup here on the 5 southbound Cannon Road. There's an accident in Carlsbad. It's got the number two lane blocked. Three-car crash involving a big rig on the 5 southbound at Imperial Avenue. They do have that over on the right shoulder. Drive-through La Mesa pretty tough this morning on the 8 westbound. It's slow from Jackson Drive to Fletcher Parkway. This report also brought to you by Cox Business. Cox Business, providing solutions for all your business communication needs, supported by a local team.
Cox knows business. Visit online at coxbusiness.com. I'm Stacey Cohen on FM 94.9. BZT San Diego, a Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't have any, you know, athletic ability. Lauren. I worked at Comic-Con. Woods. I, to my credit, Steve Woods have a hole in one. And Jay. I love that sappy movie. On FM 94.9. My heart's still pounding from the sink. Ditto. I need a utility heart to plug in there just in case this one gives. Hey, newsboy. Yes, sir. Throw those bifocals on. They are thrown on. Give me some news. You remember last summer the man that was accused of killing the 77 people in Norway? Yes. Yes. Courts have decided that he is insane and cannot be sentenced to prison or preventative detention. Oh, come on. Perfect. He will be confined in a mental hospital possibly for the rest of his life.
Listen, I saw some pictures of Norwegian prisons. Yeah, we saw that. Yeah, they look beautiful. It looks like Ikea. Yeah, it looks like a Four Seasons. It really does. They're gorgeous. Anders Brevovik suffers from grandiose delusions. He believes he has chosen to decide who lives and who dies. All right. Wow. Woods, what's going on in sports? Well, it's been a great year for the Green Bay Packers, but not for all of the Packers. Packers linebacker Eric Walden was arrested for abusing his live-in girlfriend. He did spend the weekend in jail. He has apologized, and he started every game, three sacks, 41 tackles, and they're going to find out what's going to happen to him very soon. And then also this weekend, Fresno State is coming to town to play San Diego State football, the Aztecs, 5 p.m. Saturday at Qualcomm Stadium. Yeah. Do you have chest pains ever? All the time. Really? Yeah. What does it mean? Fat. Really? Mm-hmm. It's got to mean more, right? It can mean a lot of things. Have you had a physical? Of course not. Dude. What do you do with that? I get a physical every year. Yeah, me too. Since I've been 25. Well, you had one for wipeouts. I know your heart's still good. Oh, yeah, I did. I actually had a good one. Yeah, you had a great one. I'm not going to do a physical if they do the, you know, how's your father?
No, they don't do it. The jelly finger. Not yet. You didn't get a jelly finger yet? No, no, no, no. I'm not talking about that. Oh, the cough. Oh, come on. Who cares? I don't want it. My doctor's a woman. So? Even better. Oh, you creepy. Two birds, one stone. You know, my doctor was about 97 years old my whole life, and he was an old man, and he would always talk to me. Just conversations. Oh, you going out for the baseball team this year? Cough. Really? Yeah, and it would make me so... His, like, bony... Liver spotted, old hands. Abe Fagoda. Yeah, Abe Fagoda, cold, ice cold. Ice cold. On my boys. He didn't wear a glove? No glove. Back in the day. Good old days. Good old days. Didn't need a glove. Didn't need a glove. Nope. I wouldn't go down there without a glove. It was like there was no skin, practically. It was like a skeleton. It was a bone. Skeleton's hand. Skeleton hand. Ice cold skeleton's hand. I'm too embarrassed to let... Anybody see stuff. I wouldn't do a woman. I wouldn't have. At this point in your life, you need a male doctor. Yeah, what are you doing, Mike? Oh, I'm a pervert. I'm a pervert. I'm a pervert. I'm hoping that we hook up. Yeah, why are you trying to sex up your doctor? I'm hoping we hook up. You're hiding. That makes no sense. You're hiding so you don't have to do stuff like that. Yeah. Hey, it's embarrassing enough when I go to the OBGYN and he says scooch up. That's enough. Yeah, he got to get in there. I hate the scooch up bit. I hate the scooch up bit. The echo. I hate the slide your fanny.
Oh, Fanny. I just saw that on an episode of Mad Men. Fanny? Yeah, he says, come on, scoot your fanny up. Nothing to be afraid of. Yep. I know which one you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know how you ladies do that. You got to go every year and do stuff. That's right. You should, too. You should, too. What do you do it for? Because I want to be healthy. I want to live for a long time. They find stuff. That's basically how they found the cancer in my arm. Prevention is the best. What if they found that, what if they said that that was like something and it turns out that it was nothing and they just wanted to bilk you for the dough? Actually, the other way it went is I asked my family doctor if it was something and he said, oh, don't worry about it, it's nothing. And I went to a dermatologist because I was pretty sure it was something. And the dermatologist knew he can get $1,000 out of you. She sent it out. She's a specialist. No, she got $30 out of me. That's it? That's it. I just wonder if people, if they take a lot, because I know this girl, she would get stuff.
Carved out of her. I'm not kidding you. Twice a year. Twice a year. At least. If not more. I'm being conservative. Maybe more than twice a year. Would get stuff carved out of her. Like moles and stuff? Okay. Yes. Because her brother had cancer that way. Yeah. You know, the mole. And so she would just do it. I got to get a bunch cut off me. Better safe than sorry. That's right. That's right, Mike. I'd rather have it come back. Nothing. Yeah. Just a little scrapes. Nothing. Now, this one actually hurt because it was like 12, 15 stitches. Stop it. And he took them out himself. I can't. M1 Che from Fallbrook. What was the word of the day? Mutility. Mutility was the word of the day. Guess what, pal? You're going to go see the Holiday Hoot Nanny this weekend. See you there, buddy. My Morning Jack at Two Door Cinema Club. Matt and Kim and Delta Spirit all at the Jenny Craig Pavilion. Hang on. Sick.
By the way, if you want to get tickets to the Holiday Hootenanny, you can do it by going to FM949SD.com. Get them while they last. Get them while they last. Get them while they're hot. It was Rick Perry. This guy's already gotten himself into trouble. He couldn't remember the third branch of government. And that's what I said, man. I'm a conservative Republican. There's nobody in the GOP that I like. They all seem like dum-dums. Listen to what he said about the age for voting. the congress part-time we will do it and america will be better because of it obligatory yeah obligatory yeah and the fact is those of you that are sitting in this um in this hall who are going to inherit this country are counting on us he's very deep those of you that are will be 21 by november the 12th i ask for your support and your vote those of you who won't be just work hard excuse me mr perry yes You don't have to be 21 to vote. You only have to be 18 to vote. What'd I say? You said 21, and Mr. Perry, you meant it. It wasn't a flub. I meant 21. I meant 21. I'm sorry, I meant 21. You said 21. I'm sorry, I meant 18. I meant 18. No, you didn't. Are you talking about the Delta Kappa Delta?
Party? Is that what you're talking about being 21 for? No, ma'am. I mean 21 to vote. No. I mean 18 to vote. You're pretending right now to be confused. No, it's a... You're pretending. It's a senior moment. Our fall fling is on November 12th. Is that what you... I'd love to come to that. Is that what you meant? I don't think so, but that was weird. I'd love to come to that. That got weird. I'm going to read an email to you, and I want to see what you think about it. Says Mikey. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year. We were both overweight when we first started dating, and now she's lost 60 pounds and looks great. Wow. Now she wants to break up with me. Makes sense. She keeps talking about how different we are. I really like this girl. One, two, three, four, five, six exclamation points. Help, M1 Bill. I'm going to save you a lot of trouble, Bill.
And one day you'll want to get into a DeLorean, get it up to 88 miles an hour and come back and thank me for it. You don't want that broad. You don't want anything to do with that chick. Yeah. Why would you? If she is so shallow that she's going to make this choice because you lost the weight, better you know now what type of person you're dealing with. It's the guys that get to do that to the women. I was just going to say, if the guy did that, he is a... He's a monster of the highest proportion. No, she just wants him to get in better shape. No, she's gone. No, she doesn't. She's getting a better quality of guy now. She took the time to get herself fit and in shape. He needs to do the same exact thing if he wants to keep her. It's not about. It is. Look. Taking care of yourself. It helps you live longer. I mean, it's a lifestyle. Oh. And it's two different lifestyles. It's my lifestyle. She probably is disgusted by his lifestyle. Yeah, I bet she's disgusted now. She's probably like eating salads and he's just like, hey babe. Yeah, I would be too. Do you think that maybe she's getting a better classic guy? Oh yeah. Well, she probably can now for sure. Yeah, she can. So she's like, I don't need you.
Well, she wants him to look good on the inside and the outside. They've got different hobbies now. She probably works out. He's good. He probably just sits there. He eats like crap. Laptops, nude. Oh, boy. That was a shot at me because I will laptop nude. In the nude, yes. Oh, wow. Daily. Yeah, I do. He just gets me. Typical fat guy. Oh, wow. It's hard to have a lot in common with that. L-O-B? Yeah. You would never do that, would you? Or would you? That's a yes. That's a yes. That pause is a yes. If she were overweight and lost 60 pounds and her boyfriend was overweight and didn't... Gonzo. I'd do everything to help him. And if he just wasn't having it and didn't care enough, I'd be like, well, he's just going to drag me down. We're not married. I'm out. I'm going to go with someone who cares. Just because you decided to make a lifestyle change, he's got to do everything too? No, we're not married yet. That's the beauty of being in just a relationship. You get to say, hey, guess what? The lifestyle I want from now on includes being healthy and not being fat. Well, but being a boyfriend and a girlfriend is important too, isn't it? Is it?
Isn't that the man you fell in love with? Yes. Who knows that they were in love? He said, I really like her. Yeah. Yeah, he did. He said, I really like this girl. They're early enough that she's like, guess what? Guess what I'm finding out? Fatty McFats a lot is not going to change. Yeah, but guess what? You were Fatty McFats a lot too. And I did something about it because I care. Happy birthday. I got to do everything you do. You become vegetarian. I got to become vegetarian. Now I have a choice. And I choose to move on. Yep. You have a choice. That's the beauty of not being married. What if you're married? You have no shot. You can't do that. You got to make sure that it's all going to be good in the end. Check out her mom. Dating is all the trial. That is such a wives tale. Hey, it works. You hideous, fanged monster. So let's really break that down. So you meet Kim, then you meet her mom, and her mom's a pig. You're not going to be like, well, I can't date you now. I ain't gone to it. Aren't I? No, you're not. Yeah, 100%. Sure, guys think twice about it. Plus, I also know the way Kim lives her life. What's also? I know the way she lives her life, and she's very active, and she's very concerned about weight and staying in shape. Let's say she broke her leg, and it was a bad break, and we're talking a couple years recovery. A couple years? That's a bad break. There's a femur. There's a dude I know that snapped his femur.
Long way. And it was like a two-year recovery before he could do anything. So she puts on 40, 50 pounds. What are you going to do? I'll put up with it because I know that there's an end game there. Jay, why is he so full of it on the air? On the radio. Just on the radio. Dude, if you were a single man today. Yes. And you met this girl. Wait a second. Let's ponder that for a minute. And you met some girl and she's smoking hot, right? Oh, man, so far. Are you telling me that you would have to see her mom before you made your final decision? Well, first off, was I still single or did Kim, how did I lose Kim? I got to know the whole backstory here. Why does that, why does that, I mean, I would never get married again if that's the case. So I wouldn't have to worry about it. Mike, I just spread my seed. That's what I do. That's what I do. Pollinate. The only reason I got married was to have kids. I'm not going to have any more kids. Mr. Romantic over here, though. Mike, you don't understand. See, I actually love my wife. I like to spend time with her. If my wife passed away, Mike, I'd never, ever. I could never remarry. I could never remarry. Nobody could ever replace. I'm not saying I wouldn't sleep around. He's just saying he wouldn't need the institution of marriage that your God wants him to have. I would be like a bee.
Landed on a flower. Flower. You're gone, Matt. For the sake of argument. Okay. Let's say that you were going to remarry. Okay. Would you? Are you telling me, honestly, that you would have to meet her mom? No. Because she's going to be 21. And I'm going to outlive her. You're going to outlive the downslide decline. I mean, I'll be dead by the time she's 40-something, so it won't matter. So one of your daughter's friends then. Yes. Somebody that's actually younger than your daughter. How does his daughter feel about these jokes that he makes on the radio? I mean, this is a... That's a radio station. You know, people listen. People hear it. They can hear it. He doesn't realize it. Hey, your dad's a freaking creep. Is your dad really that creepy in real life? Yes, he is. Is he just saying that stuff or is he really like that?
Because when I enlist him, it makes me think he's going to kill people. It makes me very uncomfortable to come to your house. I want to wear turtlenecks every time I go. Oh, for sure. And long skirts. Yeah, I want to dress like an Amish girl. See, even that turns out. He loves Amish. He's into Amish porn. He thought of butter churning. And it got his wheels spinning. Why would you say that? You didn't have to do the motion. Gosh, Tiffany. You got it? Tiffany. We got it. I get it. I got it. Gosh, we all got it before you did that. You guys ever made love in a covered wagon? Oh. Because I bet that's what he thinks about. Well, he actually did because he's old. Well, he was part of the Donner Party. Yes. Right. That's why. And it was his first that's joke. Someone said, are we going to eat her? And he goes, that's. But it was because they were hungry. They were hungry. They needed to eat. He feasted. Yeah, he feasted. Oh. I love that dude. That dude. So maybe take him back to when he was like in his 20s. Yes, absolutely. I always said that. Meet the mom. And you really mean it. Oh, I really mean it. So you're telling me that if the girl was smoking hot but the mom was not. Yep. Make your decision early on those.
What a creep. Creep. But you got to see a picture of the mom like back in the day and see if they had the same figure because sometimes people let themselves go. But wait a minute, guys. Guys, as we age, I mean, I would say that nine out of ten, nine out of ten people are going to, you know, fall apart a little bit. We're all going to fall apart a little bit. I love the imperfections. But are you going to be huge at 45? Or are you going to be on par with the rest of us and start to fall apart later? Well, here's what I can undeniably tell every guy that's listening. L.O.B.'s mom is still pretty foxy. Yeah, she is. Hubba hubba. So L.O.B.'s going to maintain... What? She's a grandmother. Well, I'm not saying. Grandmothers like to do it, too. I wasn't talking about what you said. It felt like Jay. What did he say? What's across the line? Hubba hubba. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's the filthiest, grossest man I've ever met. It doesn't matter. Grandmothers. Grandmothers. That's what I call a gilf. Yeah, gilf. Great-great-grandmothers. That's a gilf. Mike. Great-great-great-grandmothers. It don't matter to me. My demented mind doesn't have boundary points. Why would I ever do that? Sometimes, Mike, you'll look in here and look at me like, God, you're crazy. And I'm like.
Well, I pretend that I get it and that I won't cross the line, but I don't get it. Yeah. Because I don't think there's nothing wrong with it. And here's another thing, Mike. Now, sometimes you look through the window there and it looks like I'm looking at a screen and I'm working. It's actually the creepiest German pornography you ever did see. All kinds of stuff. Now, when you come in, I say something like this. Oh, hey, bird. How you doing? You ready to do the surf report? Sure. If you'd like to make a call. That's right. You don't know what I'm really looking at in here, Mike, but I'll tell you what. Oh, sorry, Mike. You're not here. Uh-oh, Mike. Sorry, Mike. Oh, gosh, I can't get... Minimize, minimize, minimize, minimize, minimize. Slam here. Oh, great. Uh-oh. Minimize. Oh, no. This is not good. Oh, no. Get out. Uh-oh. Oh, no, Mike. I'm so sorry. Oh, Mike, Mike, don't come on. Mike, whatever you do, whatever you do, do not come near my computer right now. Please don't look over my shoulder. Please don't. Mike? I think I got a virus. You got a virus for sure. I am trying to minimize my computer right now, and it will not minimize. Okay, Mike.
This guy. 570-1949 is our phone number. We got a list of the top five breakup songs for guys. Now, these are actual songs. It's the real thing. That guys listen to when they're going through heartbreak. Do you agree or do you not agree? Now, this is the brilliance of this list. The honesty. Because these guys don't have to be named. So as a dude, ask yourself, would I?
This is the FM 94.9. How to come here. It's supported by our good friends at Sports Chalet. What's up there, sunshine? It's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out, like Wednesday night. Go see Low Volts with the Blasters and the Super Suckers. That's at the Cavs Spa. Friday night, the Blackheart Procession play there. And Saturday night, it's the Holiday Who Nanny at USD's Jenny Craig Pavilion this year. My Morning Jacket will headline with a full set, along with Tudor Cinema Club, Matt and Kim, Delta Spirit, and Blackout Party. On the 6th, Peter Murphy plays the belly up with She Wants Revenge. Brunch with Bob presents Lee Scratch Perry at 4th and B on the 9th. The 10th, it's Adolescence with Youth Brigade at Brick by Brick. And on the 12th, a rescheduled Boxer Rebellion show at the Casbah.
Still to come, that Dinosaur Jr. show with Henry Rollins, Pinback, Two Nights of No Effects, Wilco, Young the Giant, and Craig Finn of The Hold Steady doing a solo show at the Casbah. So there you have it. Get out there and, well, we'll see you at the Hoot. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. 33 years ago, we had a simple idea. Make the best vehicles in America. And once a year, offer them with special savings. Today, it's a phenomenon. Toyotathon is back. Now's the time to get an incredible deal on the Toyota you've been waiting for. Toyotathon's the one place you'll see the reinvented 2012 Camry. With higher rated MPG, 10 standard airbags, and an average MSRP lower than last year's model. No wonder it received a 2012 Kelley Blue Books KBB.com Award for Best Resale Value. And while you're there, see the newest member of the Prius family. The Prius V, with more cargo volume than 80% of small SUVs. Others have tried to copy it, but in the end, there's only one. Toyotathon, the biggest and best sales event of the year, is going on now. Hurry to your Toyota dealer today. Vehicle's projected resale value is specific to 2012 model year. For more information, visit kellybluebookskbb.com. Kelly Blue Book is a registered trademark with Kelly Blue Book Company, Incorporated. Cargo volume claim based on manufacturer's data for cargo volume behind second row seats. NY 2011 Small SUV Second.
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Saturday, December 10th at the North Park Theater on University Avenue. Tickets available online at jobsforautism.com. That's jobsforautism.com. Mama Dietz here, chairman of Dietz & Watson. It's the holidays. Things can get stressful, especially when you're a host. Well, guess what? You can relax. That's right. Relax. It's the holidays. Because Dietz & Watson has been preparing your holiday party since 1939. Four generations, 72 years, working on your 2011 holiday party. Our party trays and holiday hams don't have artificial flavor. They don't have additives. Those things weren't around in 1939. And at Dietz & Watson, they still aren't. So relax. Unless your holiday ham or party tray isn't from Dietz & Watson. In that case, start freaking out, hon. Insist on Dietz & Watson at your favorite market and deli. And happy hosting days to you and yours. This report brought to you by Jared the Gallery of Jewelry. Shop Jared the Gallery of Jewelry with five times the selection of ordinary jewelry stores. Find a Jared store or shop anytime at jared.com.
On the 15 northbound right now at the 52, there's an accident. It's blocking that center lane. They've got a bunch of metal debris all across lanes too. The 94 westbound Federal Boulevard, an accident sitting on that right shoulder. And as you travel on the 805 northbound Balboa Avenue, you're going to be delayed because there's an accident blocking the number two lane. This report brought to you by Sharp. For health care the way it should be, make sure your health insurance plan lets you choose Sharp. Call 1-800-82-SHARP or you can visit sharp.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Come on, man, wake up. Good morning. Wake up. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. For those of you that have never seen me, I'm a short, chunky guy. Woods. I just try not to be the dirty, creepy pig in my head. Lauren. Do you have coconut water? And Jay. I'm wearing cargo shorts right now. On FM 94.9. If you go to signonsandiego.com, they got this thing there. It's the Union Tribune. And they got this thing that is pretty funny. It's called the Scared of Santa. And it's just funny to look at the scared kids on the Santa, but I put ours in there because our twins and Jake, it's phenomenal. It's called Triple Threat. I called it Triple Threat. And so if you go to signonsandiego.com, you could vote for Triple Threat. It's pretty crazy. I just voted for myself.
They're so hysterical, man. And you know, why did our parents allow it? You know, I mean, if we were that scared. They insisted. They insisted. You waited in line that long. You gotta get the picture. Gotta get the picture. We would wait in line for like two hours. Yeah, it's ridiculous. My papa just used to dress up as Santa Claus. You didn't do the... Was he one of Santa's helpers? Yes, he was one of Santa's helpers. Yeah, that's why he would do it. Because we didn't like to go to the mall to see his other helper. I was always scared. Yeah. Always. My kids were never scared. I didn't like the Easter Bunny. It ain't in the Isbell Jane to be scared by. Well, yeah, fear doesn't exist in our life. It doesn't exist in our blood. All right, so these are the breakup songs. Are they up here for me, Jay? Up. Oh, perfect. Okay. Well, maybe not. Nope. Breakup songs. Where are they? Where are they? Oh, they should be on the schedule there. Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, where are the songs? They're not listed on there? Mm-mm. Oh, I thought I put them on there, no? No, no, no. You did. You did. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Numero 5. The Landslide by Fleetwood Mac. Yeah. These are songs that guys listen to during a breakup. Really? I've done it. You've listened to Landslide? Which version? Smashing Pumpkins or Fleetwood Mac? At the time, it was Pumpkins.
But that's the only reason, because I didn't know that the original existed. I remember sitting in a buddy's Corvette crying, listening to Landslide. And I'm not kidding. Really? And I'm not kidding. This is for you, Daddy. Yeah. I mean, I had 7,000 Captain and Coats that night. Oh, wow. But I was very upset. I feel my life around you. On repeat. And he sat there with me. Are you serious? Yeah, and he's like, dude, are you okay? Does it look like I'm okay? Does it look okay? Oh my gosh. Nice beaver. Getting older. The number four song. I've been afraid of losing. The number four song that guys will listen to when they're going through a breakup. Cinderella. Don't know what you got until it's gone. Wendy Gibbons. Very dramatic. For me, eighth grade. Valerie Thompson never even held her hand, never kissed her, never had anything to do with her. She had a crush. One French kiss. That's all I got. You got that? Oh, yeah, and that was it. That was the best note at the time. Got a school dance. That song's so good, dude. These last three. These last three. Now, this was a list compiled of songs that men, men actually listened to.
When they're going through a breakup. And I say it like that. Because I think you'd be surprised to know. That number three. Was Brian Adams. Brian's brother. Everything I do. I do it for you. Men. This is not a list of what women listen to. When they break up. This is my brother's song with his girlfriend. When he was in high school. And he listened to it when they broke up. I have this single. The cassette single. If I had had a girlfriend, I would definitely have listened to this. This was their song. That part at the end when he says he'd fight for her, he'd walk the wire for her, it kills me. Still, see where he sings at. You know, it's like in a long version. Get the 22-minute line. And number two. Amy Benson. Real good. Hard Habit to Break. Oh, my gosh. Where are these guys from?
What guys? Oh, really? They're from Dallas, Texas. He's above it. He's above it. He's above it. Jay is above it. Even though this morning he knew the words to Go West and the song King of Wishful Thinking. He was singing along. Oh, he's whistling. I know the songs. I'm just not going to go listen to these. Chicago is great. Why are they called Chicago if they're from Dallas? No, no. He said, where are these guys from that are crying over it? I said Dallas, Texas. Let that roll. Gosh. That's good. Personally, I like the... Look away. That's Chicago's greatest hits. It's all you need. Chicago will get you through some tough times. Are you ready for the number one song that men listen to when they are going through a breakup? Definitely. I listen to this. I'm a woman. So do I. That's...
Fantastic. Wow. Nice beat, bro. See, I can't listen to sad music if I'm going through a breakup. I can't listen to it. You do, Woods? Oh, yeah. Like you wouldn't believe. Yes. I want to wallow in it. Cry it out. I want to be in it, dude. Dude. Cathartic. It's like getting a sunburn going in a sauna. I know. That's exactly right. Why would you ever do that? Go in the freezer. Nuh-uh. I don't want to be in the freezer. It's going to give you relief. Yeah. I don't want relief. You don't. No. You want it to hurt more. Yeah. Because if I can get it out of the way, then instead of like getting hit like a ton of bricks six months later. It's going to hit you at some point. Right. You might as well just get it over with. Yeah, man. And then just, you know, pick yourself up and move on. I want to hear from somebody right now, 570-1949, that is just falling for somebody, and you're in that stage of complete giddiness. Bliss. The bliss-y, giddy. You know, when you first meet somebody, like, you can think about your relationship now, whether you're married, whether you're not married, whether you have a boyfriend, whether you have a girlfriend, and you can say to yourself, well, we've been together for a really long time.
that feeling you had that feeling where you were just like every your mind would go back to them every five minutes yeah you'd get a text from from her and you'd be like oh my god holy cow my god oh yeah yeah i'll meet you yeah i'll meet you after work abso-freaking-lutely and now and i'm not even now i'm not even talking uh the sexual side no It's like, I just want to see you. You're into a person, you know what I mean? Like, you're really into them. So who's there right now? You're in that area. And it doesn't, how long does that last? It can last up to a year. A year? I'd say that's probably about right. Of the giddy? Of the giddy, yeah. Dude, I was going to say that the giddy, I was going to, I think that has a shelf life of a month or two. Oh, no way. No way. A year? You get sucked completely away from all your friends for a good, solid year. Yeah. Mine was, yeah. My relationship with Matt, the first year, it was just like. Maybe you're right. Bam. Maybe it is a year. Oh. Can last up to it. Now, other people, you know, sometimes it's only a month. M1 Alec is on the line from San Diego, and apparently Alec is going through this right now. Are you there, Alec? Yeah, how's it going? Good. So you're in that place right now.
What is her name? What is her name? USO. Oh, you got to listen to the Rolling Stones song. Yeah. Oh, yeah. How long have you known her? So, I met her Chargers Raiders team two Thursdays ago. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I know that. Oh, you lucky bastard. Two weeks ago. Two weeks ago. You're magnificent. Oh, dude. Hey, bro. When is the last time you texted her? This morning. What time? Eight o'clock. What did it say? What is it? It's eight. Yeah, what did it say? Good morning, my love. Have a great day. Did she write back? Yeah, she said, I love you, boo-boo. Holy crap. Holy crap. You're lovers. You're lovers. You're lovers. Nice booboo. Shut up. Shut up. Freaking creep. Go smoke a cigarette. Yes.
Go in there and look at some of your weird, foreign pornography. I hope none of your friends recognize your voice because your name will be Boo Boo from now on. Easy, Boo Boo. M1 Boo Boo. M1 Boo Boo. M1 Boo Boo. Wait, wait, wait. What time did you wake up? At 7.45. 7.45. He took a shower. He got out of the shower. 7.45, 8 o'clock, he texted her. And said what again? Good morning, my love. Have a great day. Good morning, my love. Have a great day. If that was a drug, I'd be slamming it in my vein. How much would you pay for a pill and you take it and you feel like boo-boo? I think it's called ecstasy. Yeah, it is. Shut up, L-O-B. Stop that. Oh, my God. So far, it's pretty good. Good for you. What? What color hair? Black hair. She's got black hair? Like a raven. What color eyes? Dark brown eyes. Okay. And is it straight hair? Straight hair. Straight black. Is she busty? Yeah, naturally straight hair. Pretty busty. Pretty nice booty. How tall? Yeah, booty. How tall? About 5'4", 5'3". Pretty short. Probably about 110 pounds. That's average. That's average. 110, 115.
Yeah, she's a teacher. Every dude loves the teacher. That's our thing, dude. She's a sweetheart. She likes kids, man. But she's a tomcat also. Are you kidding? With talons, with claws that'll rip you to pieces. Tell me, Jay, I can't turn his mic off. Sorry about that. Boo-boo. Tell me how you guys actually met at that game. We're feeding off you like vampires. We're like vultures on a deer carcass right now. We're all going to break up with our significant others. So after the game, we went to a bar dance. Can I say the name? You went to a bar dance? A bar downtown. Oh, yeah, yeah. You can say. We went to McFadden. Okay, so everybody... Oh, yeah, that's over there. Oh, no, I'm thinking I'm... McGregor's. McGregor's. McFadden's downtown, been there? Yeah. Yeah, so we go to McFadden's, and the Charters just lost, so we're pissed. Yeah. So these girls are at the bar, and I'm like, I'm giving away my season tickets just because. I'm like, anybody want my season tickets? I'm done with the Charters. So this girl's like, I'll take them. And I'm like, oh, really? So she's like, yeah. I'm like, all right, here you go. And I have, like, a paper ticket. So I'm like, here you go. And then...
That was it. You're a genius. That was how it happened? Funny. She gave me her number later, and then the next night we went out to dinner. Where'd you go? We went to Harney Sushi. That's great. Good music, good sushi. Yes. How old is she? She's 31. It's a good age. How old are you? 27. Oh, yeah. Dirt manure. You little perverted pervert. Wow. And, okay, question. Did you kiss that day at the Sunday? The Sunday? No, no, no. That was Thursday night game. And then we went out Friday night. So you met her Thursday and went out Friday night. Nice. Move. I mean, you liked her, dude. I wouldn't wait until Sunday to call, but that's just me. No, don't. He played it right. It was the weekend. Yeah, it was the weekend. Freaking weekend. You know what it says? She had a whole week off because it was Thanksgiving week. Oh, man. You're brilliant. So you're waiting to marriage, right? Listen, listen, listen. Jay, shh.
Shut up. I beg you to just... I'm begging you. I am begging you... We're keeping it PG. ...everything in my... PG-13. Okay, PG-13. I am just... Shut up! Shut up! What? Which one in your stocking? I bet she smells delightful. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's pretty nice. Did you kiss her Friday? No, not a kiss Friday. We went out the next... I saw her, let's see. I saw her on Saturday night, the next Saturday night. We went out downtown to a club, and that's when it all happened. Oh, my gosh. I'm so done. Do you feel like you love her? I don't know. It's kind of weird right now. You're in it, man. You're in it. Yeah, it's like, I don't even know. I'm just like. You listen to his voice. Can you hear it in his voice? Yeah, I know he does. You can hear it in his voice. Like, this girl is all he thinks about. Angie. It makes your stomach turn. Oh, yeah. It makes you physically ill. Yeah. It makes you smile. But it makes you ill. But that illness is like an illness that is, it's like a weird illness that.
It tickles your bones. It's like when you go down on a roller coaster. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it is. Now, do you believe that she feels the same? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. Boo-boo, come on. Boo-boo. I love you. Oh, goodness. That is the greatest. That is the greatest. I'm very jealous, but happy for you. Happy for you. Thank you. Thank you. Send us a picture. You want a picture? Yeah. Don't do it. Jay wants a picture of just you. No. There you guys come in on a Friday. Real good. Now, this is an interesting, this next question is actually an interesting question. Okay. Do you have on your possession in a phone, in a computer, a picture of her? Yeah, on my cell phone, yeah. Oh, because you took a picture of her with your cell phone. Yeah, my friend took a picture of me at the Charter game Sunday with her. Oh, that's sweet. Wait. Okay, so wait. Another Charger game. Another Charger game. He's got season tickets. She's got his season tickets. She took him. She took him. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Because I was like, you want to go to the game center? She's like, well, I thought I was already going.
I'm like, well, I guess. Can I go with you? You little minx. Flirty little. Flirty little man. Flirty little teacher. You sexy little teacher. Flitty flighters. He's definitely sassy and everything. Send us a picture of the two of you. If he texts it to our FM 94.9, Mikey show at FM 94.9. Text the photo. Are you able to text pictures? Yeah, I can do that. Text the picture to 949 Mikey. at gmail.com. Yeah. Okay. All right? And, Boo-Boo, we want to make sure that we get updates from you and all that stuff. Okay. Yeah, definitely. Snort it up, dude. Real good. It feels so good. Breathe it in. Take her sweater and breathe in. Thank you very much. Thank you, Boo-Boo. Say, Boo-Boo. M1 Simon from PB is at this moment smitten. Did you mean Simone? I was going to say, look at all these guys. It's Simone. It's Simone. Do you guys remember me? Of course we do. Yes. I was wondering if it was real Simone or fake Simone. Well, it's fake Simone. Now, wait a minute. Now, let me fill listeners in. Okay, go. First of all, we became interested in Simone because she called us and told us a story about how she got drunk.
And the topic was, at the time, the topic was, have you ever been wasted and you embarrassed yourself? No, it was, have you ever been dumped and you acted so... Yes. Have you ever been dumped and you behaved... She was sober. Yes, and you behaved in a way that really... I was drunk with his story, I remember that. That's right. And you said, the question was... Have you ever been dumped and you've reacted in a way that's kind of funny or insane? Which is why I'm calling because it's full circle now. But do you remember what happened is I ended up calling his mother. Yes. You called his mom. Didn't you? Yeah. Okay. So whatever. That's embarrassing. But Lauren, I don't know if you remember, but I was emailing you about my past breakup. I think about her a lot because her name will come up. We're Facebook friends. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's real foxy, right? She's gorgeous. She's beautiful. Thank you. And Lauren, you were just like, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If not, there's other people out there. And you know what? There are other people out there. And I found one. And it's like, and Woodsy, you had a bed on. If you could make a pillow for this, I would. Oh, yeah. You feel so good. I know. Wow. She's so excited right now. I can't control my hair.
Well, Simone. Yes. How long have you known him? Six months. Wow. And you are in the complete flipping out like, oh, yeah. Yeah, but the thing is, and maybe I'm being naive and blind, but like it feels like it might last. You know, you have a feeling like, oh, nothing's ever going to go wrong. But it's still in that phase. So you were asking, how long does it last? And in my mind right now, it's like, uh. This is it. That lucky SOB. When is the last time you texted him? Well, I just came back from his place this morning. Can you do me a favor? Are you on your cell phone? Yeah. You are? Yeah. Is there a way for you to read text? What kind of phone do you have? One of those fancy ones. It's an iPhone. Okay. Then you can. Then you can. Mike, I'll tell you how. Will you put us on speaker and read us some texts? Oh, okay. Hold on. I'm not as good at you, Mikey, as this stuff. I can teach you how to do it. Okay. Real good. What you want to do is you want to hit the home button. Always. Jay. There is no metaphor for the home button. No. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
I feel like I might end the call if I do this. No, just listen to me carefully. I'm going to land this plane for you, okay? He's a part-time Apple employee. Yes. Genius bar. All right, I'm going to tell you what to do here, all right? I want you to take your iPhone right now, and I want you to look at it, and I want you to hit the button that says speaker. John, I already did that. All right, so we're on speaker now. Correct. Okay. Now, do you know what the home button is? No. The home button is that circle button, the circle button on the bottom of the phone, the black circle. I knew that. Sorry. Okay. So hit that circle button. And then I can go to my messages. And then you can go to your messages. And this is what we want to do. What? Because we're going to take a quick time out. Sure. But when we come back, can you hold with us? Sure. Okay. Because we're all like vampires. Yeah. Feeding off of you people? Yeah. And what we're talking about is, is anybody in that stage where they're giddy, giddy? Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally. And their cheesy little messages back and forth. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. I want it now. And when we come back, we're going to give it to you. Oh, my God. Hang on the line. Hang on. When we come back.
And she is a foxy lady, Simone. She is a foxy lady. I always have to look my sexiest. That's why I'm wearing these tight size 42 pants. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm sorry, our time is up. I'm thirsty. How thirsty? Really thirsty. When's the last time you looked in the fridge? I don't know. When was the last time I went shopping? Uh, like today. You should really check it out. and grab yourself a bottle of Arrowhead brand 100% mountain spring water while you're in there. Why is it snoring in our refrigerator? That was Grinchmas, and that's why we're drinking Arrowhead water. Why? Because every specially marked bottle of Arrowhead water lets you save $15 on general admission to Universal Studios Hollywood, where the whole family can play in real snow, see the celebrity tree lighting, and meet the Grinch and his dog Max, too.
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The official auto parts store of NASCAR. Better parts, better prices every day. Limit supplies, see store for details. Hurry into the BMW Mission to Drive sales event today for an up to $2,500 credit towards a new 2012 BMW. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance today for details on this limited time offer. This report is brought to you by Jiffy Lube. Hurry in before the year end. You can save $25 on any oil change, tire rotation, and wiper blades. Plus, you'll save up to $20 on your second oil change with a mail-in offer when you upgrade to Pennzoil Synthetic Motor Oil. Jiffy Lube. Keep my ride alive. Participating Jiffy Lube stores only. On the 805 northbound Balboa Avenue, there's an accident. It's got the number two lane blocked. Also on the 5 northbound at the 274, an accident with a car and a motorcycle. The 805 northbound is backed up. at Home Avenue due to an incident there. This report also brought to you by Applebee's. Come see what's sizzling at your neighborhood Applebee's. Try new sizzling entrees like new double barrel whiskey sirloin, sizzling Cajun steak and shrimp, and sizzling queso chicken today, all at your neighborhood Applebee's. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. I told Rebecca I loved her for the first time through text message. Are you kidding? It was very heady. I don't like that.
I like gritty drama. Lauren. Just give me your opinion and I'll be on my way. And Jay. Keep it together. Why you? On FM 94.9. Talk, I don't know how we got out of it. We were talking about the time, that period of time, that window of time when you meet someone and you are just giddy. You are giddy over them. You can't stop thinking about them. We talked to a guy. We just talked to M1 Alec. We called him Boo Boo because that's what the girl that he's seeing calls him Boo Boo. You could hear it, man. You can hear it in just the resonance of his voice. You can hear how crazy he is about that girl just by listening to his voice. Yep. And we have Simone on the line. And Simone, are you there? Yep, I'm right here. Can you hear me? I can hear you. So I want you to read. Now, Simone is.
Right in that period right now where she is giddy in love, freaking out of like you think about them all the time, right? Yeah. And we want to hear your inner, like the most private of private things about you guys. You're going to read us your text messages. Sure. Yeah, I looked at some of them. Most of them are boring, so I picked out the good ones. Okay. What exactly did you want to say? I just want you to read. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to say, me, him, me, him. I can do that. But let me give you a little preface to this. So we hung out Sunday night, did not hang out Monday night, or Tuesday morning, which was yesterday. This is a text I got. Wait a minute. Before you read it, Woods, tell everybody what Simone looks like. She's blonde. She is, I would say, between the ages of, I would say, like 25 to 27. Oh, my God, I love you. I'm 32. Oh, Woods just looked shocked. He made it look like you just said Thanksgiving is in March. I was like, wait, what? She looks young. She does. Why don't you describe nice figure? Yes, nice figure. Tan skin. Tan skin. Yeah, Woods is like.
Why don't you have a conversation with your wife instead of me having the conversation with my wife? Listen, we met her. She came in the studio. She's a beautiful girl. She is absolutely gorgeous. Funny and sweet. Oh, thank you guys. I really appreciate it. And the thing that I love the most, she's a little crazy. She's a little crazy. Well, no. Everyone likes a little bit of crazy. She's a woman. She had a crazy moment. She did something. I'm crazy. Shit of crazy. We all get a little crazy. We love it. We love it. We love it. We want you, girls. Fire away. Batty. Oh, man. How I want to try to fix you. I must be in high demand then. Oh, my gosh. I want you to freak out on me a couple of times. It makes us know that you want us. Yeah, you can't stand. You can't stand to be without me so much that you flipped out. Check. Go ahead, Simone. Okay, do you want me to start with the tax? Yes. Okay. So we're basically just one night apart. And I got a text yesterday morning saying from him, I overslept for my work day. And I wrote back, uh-oh. And he said, well, because there wasn't my babe there to get me excited about waking up early. Oh, man, we know that. We know. I know. Thank you. Oh, we know that. I know. So I write the A-W-W-W-W. Uh-oh. Aww. And so I said, now I feel bad. And here's where.
Okay, so I said, I can make sure you get to work on time tomorrow, if you know what I mean. Oh, you. I'm on my way to your place right now. She's just making me want it. Woods just laid back, and he just passed away. He's in his coffin, and it's a good coffin. It's a good coffin. Wow. Wait a minute. I want you to read the last one one more time, and then read it slow. The last one was from me, and then it said, because I was like, aw, and then there was a little gap in time, and then I said, no, well, now I feel bad, but of course I was joking. Like, whatever, trying to be coy. Well, I can make sure you get to work on time tomorrow, if you know what I mean. I'm on my way. I'm on my way to your place in a little bit. Oh, yeah. So that was last night. I wonder what that guy. I wonder how he feels. I want to squeeze him. How did he feel when he got that text? I'm uncomfortable with the men in the room right now, Simone. I got a smiley face, but who knows what that means anymore. He smiley faced you? I think you should break up with him. That's the best he can do. He was probably doing what the three of you were doing in here. What? You don't want to know. Oh, come on. You don't want to know.
We were doing algebra. Hey, Simone, do you like the smiley face? Well, I don't understand because everyone uses it so flippantly. Yeah, I know, but it's a guy using it. Oh, yeah. Well, because it means he's giddy too, right? So you're okay with a guy giving you a smiley face on text? I would have come back with something so dirty it would have blown your mind. I would have. What else can you read us? Well, I don't really have anything interesting. It's kind of boring. I'm pretty simple, but. Simple Simone. Simple Simone. Let's hear. We just want to, you know. There's the woman I'm sexually attracted to. You want to hear something. Well, I want to. I told you the story from last year. Yeah. But, yeah, I mean, I learned from my lessons, and I try not to. Well, I'm just not crazy anymore. Like, you don't do. You don't call. Aren't you? I know. You grew up and you learned. She's a woman now. Do you have anything else to read us, Simone? What? Do you have anything else to read us? No. Okay. All right. All right. Hey, that's fair enough. You gave us enough. One of my favorite names. It was good to talk to you guys. Thank you, Simone. We love you. We love you. I love you!
Yeah, yeah. You can come in eight times. Email. I love you. You can email me. I'll just take care of that. Just warn us because they'll all want to get dressed to look nice and smell good. Suits and ties. Yeah, you know, I'll try to wear something that makes me look 450 pounds. Yeah, Simone, come on in here. We'd love to have you. We'd love to have you. Anytime, you name it. Friday. Have a Merry Christmas. Bye, guys. Bye. One of my favorite names. Oh, God. Like, do you have a boyfriend? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Please, no. That's badass. Have a Merry Christmas. By the way, I just got the wow text from my wife, so it should be an awesome day at the Woods house. Awesome day. Should be incredible. I just got another text from Harold. Same thing. Just the radio jokes, babe. I love you so much. Oh, I got the letter K. K? Shut up. Was that in response to a question or just a statement? Probably just being a creep in here. Harold text during the show ever? Sorry, I'm going to use a multi-million dollar radio station to speak directly to Harold. Harold, I'm on the radio. He's going to kill you. You can replace Harold with...
All friends of ours. And acquaintances. Friends of ours. During business hours. Listen, Harold. I don't come to the Chippendales place that you dance. Don't you? Yeah, you do. Just don't get butt hurt. On Sundays. Have you seen my wiener? Oh, no. Rebecca was replying. Oh, good. You're lucky. I'm dead. No, I told her she has to read the email about you, Woods. It's a... No, don't get a scared look. It's the one that you said you're going to get me a gift that you don't want her to get. Oh, Lord. Man. Chances I'd make dinner and have wine for my wife when she gets home tonight are 1,000%. It's 1,000%. Let's see. Can't text back when we're on the air. Sorry. Yeah, we can't. I said to put that up. Reid, are you there? Yes, I am. You giddy about a girl? Yeah, you sound funny on the radio on the phone, Mikey. Say what? You sound funny on the phone. I hope I sound funny on the phone. Funny how? Funny how? Yeah, like a clown? Like I amuse you? No, just the way you tell the story. Yeah, no, but you said it. You're a big boy. Why don't you tell me? How am I funny? I didn't read nothing about it. The way you tell the story. Yeah, I know Reed from Cosby, but you said when you came on the phone, no, no, no, it's all right. You let him talk for himself. You said, how am I funny? How am I funny? You said I'm funny. You got it all wrong. You got it all wrong.
Funny how? The way you tell the story is... Funny ha-ha? No. How do you tell the story? You're funny. So I'm here to... I'm here to freaking amuse you? Tommy, what? I don't get it. I'm here to freaking amuse you? The way you tell the story, that's it. I'm a freaking clown to you? No. I'm just busting your eyes. You had me. Reed, tell us about this woman. Okay, well... She's a high school sweetheart. I'm 42 years old, so I'm an older guy. Yeah. But we were dating in high school, and we never really split up. She moved away, so it kind of just drifted apart. But we were a thing. It was just me and her always. Wherever we went, it was just me and her, and everybody in high school knew it. But, wow, this is tough. I just reconnected with her on Facebook about four weeks ago.
We instantly picked up right where we left off. How long had it been? 25 years. Whoa. Holy cow, dude. Nice. Wait, she's not married, is she? That's a good question, actually. Is she married? She was. Okay. Is she married right now? She is not. Drop that zero and give it to him. You're not, are you? Are you? Yes. Oh, no, Reed. Reed, you're married. What do you think? I'm thinking I'm really happy. No, Reed. Oh, my God. No, Reed. Wait a minute. Reed. Are you separated? Before we get into any of this, our relationship's been pretty much over for at least half a year. Let it... Hey, Reed. Yeah? I would get divorced before you get a girlfriend. No, we're...
We're in the process of that already. That's in the works. Now, by in the works, you mean at some point you'll file? No, we are. We're doing that right now. So technically, yes, I'm still married. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. That's okay? I just didn't want any funny business. Okay. I didn't want to be applauding any funny business. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's not, you're not like, say what? I'm not cheating. You're not cheating. Technically, you are. Wow. Technically, yes, I am. Now, you don't live in the same house with your... I'm sorry? You don't live in the same house with your wife. No, no, no, no. Okay. Okay. Reed, you gave me a little scare. Yeah, you gave us all a scare. So go ahead. Tell us about this new girl. Old girl, new girl. It was intentional, by the way. I wanted to kind of lead you up to that. All right, go ahead. We're going to feed off of your love like we're vampires. Okay, you do that. So you reconnected with her and have you seen her in person yet? She lives in Texas. So you have not seen her in person yet? I have seen her in person. Oh, you flew out there. What did you do? Did you fly out there? No. You flew her here? No, she came here. She flew herself out here? Uh-huh.
How long did she visit? And it's kind of funny because you guys were talking about this yesterday on the radio about people flying each other out. Yeah, she must not have wanted to give it up, and that's probably why she flew herself out. That's a good question, L.O.B., and a good point. Wait a minute. I want to think about that. What if the girl flies herself out? Oh, yeah. You don't have nothing expected. Nothing expected. Different arrangement. Yeah, it is a different arrangement. Quite expected if you sleep in the same bed, but anyway. She got a hotel room. She did get a hotel room. Did you do it? Do I do what? You know. It. We're all adults. Just tell me. Just tell me. Your name's Reed. It's in name. Ed. Do Ed. Tell me, Reed. Reed, listen to me. I'm going to take my belt off. Reed, I don't care if I lose my job, my wife, my family. I don't care what is at stake, Reed. I need to know what you did, when you did it, and how you did it. How many times? Hold on one second. My girl's texting me real quick. Just a quick second. I've got to text her back. Tell us what it says. Okay, hold on. That's not funny, Reed. She says she's listening. She's listening from Texas? Yeah, I told her to listen live online just in case.
Boom, boom. Can we put you on hold, get her number, and call her, too? Sure. Hang on. Go ahead, Nicole. Get the girl's number. The lady. The lady. The lovely lady. The Texas lady. The lover. I hope she has an accent. Oh, that's so cool. I love the accent. Me, too. Except if it's, you know. was his wife because she's taken, you know, obviously. It doesn't matter. You can appreciate it. You can appreciate and admire my wife. You can appreciate art without stealing it off the wall. That's right, Mike. It's okay to look. Just don't touch. Well, y'all know what my role is, man. Well, what I say on the radio. I put my hands all over it and then I just put it back. Here's the deal. On the radio, I go like this. I say, I like to look. I just don't like to touch. But y'all, here's the real truth. I like to look. And as long as little old Kim don't know nothing's going on. Not true. I like to smear. I like...
touch. I like to rub. I like to wrestle. I like to wrestle. As long as I know she's got an appointment with the company that I sold her and she ain't listening, I'll talk about touching. I went to a museum one time, LLB, and I took a piece of art off the wall. I put it in my truck and I drove off. I brought it back. I defaced it. I defaced it. Defiled it. That's right. Boy, I brought it back. That's right. Nobody was none the wiser. It had a dong on it. Yeah. By the time it came back. I put a dong on the Moner Leaser. I was the first guy to put a dong on the Moner Leaser. You called it the Boner Leaser. Boner Leaser. After I was done, they called it the Boner Leaser. Put a smile on her face. Okay. Got out of control quickly. Well, let's see. Nicole, was he willing? Nicole's working on it. Was he willing to do it? Oh, wow. Get this girl on the line, maybe. Look at this juicy little nugget. So she obviously knows that he's in the process of... Oh, yeah. Yeah, she would. She was listening online. Yeah, she was listening online. I don't want to be like Jerry Springer here. Makes me nervous. I do. Yeah. Makes me nervous. Breaks a chair over his head. Makes me nervous, too. Let me ask you. If you could go back in time and meet your wife all over again.
Would you change the way that you did anything? Yeah. What would you change, Woods? I was a lunatic. That was so honest. Yeah, I was a lunatic and wasn't, you know, wasn't the greatest boyfriend all the time. You should propose to her again, considering the circumstances. Yeah, Woods would propose, but he would propose this time romantically. Yeah. And sober. And sober. And sober. And they'd be together. Instead of broken up and drunk. It's true. Hey, when you know, you know. It's so perfect for them, though. It is. It's our dynamic. Listen, all that stuff that we're talking about, the pill that you would take, that giddy, it goes away for everybody. But the good part is... Oh, God. No, it's not her. The good part is... It was Harold. No, it was Harold. He's still giddy. When she walks in the room when I'm at home and she comes home from work, I'm still very excited to see that girl every single day. Every day. Yeah. Every day. That's my best friend in the whole wide world. Jay likes her, too. Oh, yeah. It's so weird when he answers that one. It's your wife. It's my pal, dude. It doesn't matter to me, though. It's fine. I'm just looking. She likes the young buck. She's a little older than the kid.
She wouldn't want the old bull. She wants the young calf, all right? In situations like these, you guys should just be glad you don't have daughters. Yes. With me and Mike. Yeah, because you work with Jay. Right. That is a true story. Oh, my God. Can you imagine if we had daughters? Oh, gosh, Jay. It's reason enough to get that. Oh, my gosh. Oh, Rebecca said she's ready for me. She'll allow me to get a vasectomy now. I thought you guys were going to have another kid. We're not. You should. No, she said, it's all right. You can get one. I'm thankful. I'll go with you. Okay, cool. Yeah, maybe two for one. No, I don't want to get one. I just want to get audio. Do the BOGO, the buy one, get one. I don't want one. I asked every dude that I know that's ever had a vasectomy, and I kept asking until I found a dude that said it was the greatest and most painless experience. I talked to one guy that had such bad experience, he sued the guy because it went wrong. That's not a good thing when it goes wrong. 570-1949. We're trying to get the girl from Texas on. She's like, what? Excuse me?
When we come back, we'll tell you all about one of Jay's new ideas. Only three days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus. With My Morning Jacket. A feature in Tudor Cinema Club. Matt and Kim. Delta Spirit. And the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com. The Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus. Or FM 949SD.com. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by Spy Opta. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM 94.9. That's the sound of the fuse burning. As long as it's burning, there's still time to get to the BMW Mission to Drive sales event on now at your local BMW center. While you can, take advantage of an up to $2,500 credit toward a new BMW. Hmm.
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That's a foodie call. Huh? A foodie call. You know, it's really late, you're craving something, so you and your friends hit up my drive-thru for tacos or real ice cream shakes. Ah, that's a relief. I thought it was like his booty call. His what? Booty call. Who needs boots at 2 a.m.? Are you looking for the absolute best place to buy a pair of high-quality, brand-name sheepskin boots or slippers, and at the best price? Boot World is San Diego's home of sheepskin, and I'm here to tell you why. This is Ed Stone, president of Boot World. Boot World has the largest selection of the most popular, quality, brand-name sheepskin. Ugg Australia, Aussie Dogs, Stahikam, and Old Friend. You'll find a huge selection of all the classics and lots of unique styles to help you make your own personal statement without driving all over town. Plus, Boot World has carefully selected and priced our sheepskin boots and slippers to have the absolute finest product in each price range. This is quality that will be enjoyed for years to come. Boot World wants to help you get the sheepskin footwear you want, so don't wait. Come in now to Boot World while the selection of boots and slippers for men, women, and children are at their best. You'll find the sheepskin you want at San Diego's Home of Sheepskin. Boot World on Convoy in Kearney Mesa, Plaza Comino Real in Carlsbad, San Marcos, El Cajon, Chula Vista, Midway Drive, and bootworld.com. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl they've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones.
And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking... Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now, I'm all... Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. Hey, it's Mikey, and I just wanted to personally say thanks to a couple of my sponsors that I just... really, really love. AIS Insurance and BMW Encinitas. I just really appreciate what you do and what you offer to our listeners. And I just wanted to say thank you to you guys. It really means a lot to all of them. I'm a pretty honest guy and I've been a pretty honest guy for many years. I'll never forget it as long as I live. It was some village in Africa. She had...
Like 60 of those rings are on her neck and just boobs hanging out. Lauren. You know what I think the scariest thing is about clowns? They don't say anything. Yeah, that's right. Even though they can talk. And Jay. Just a man trying to do the right thing. On FM 94.9. All the way from Texas, we got Julie on the line right now. Hi, Julie. How are you? Hello, I'm good. So, Julie, you're in Texas and Reed is here in San Diego. Yes, way too far away. Reed-o! Now let's get Reed on the line. Are you there, Reed? Yeah, I'm here. Okay, now, why Texas? Were you originally from Texas, Reed, or was she originally from California? Well, no. Well, I'm from San Diego originally, but she came to school out here for a short period of time. 20-some years ago. 20-some years ago, yeah. Wow. High school.
And Julie, you just reconnected with Reed on Facebook. Yes. And when you reconnected, who friended who? Who sent the friend invitation? Reed did. Reed sent the friend invitation. Yeah, I had no idea. I gave up on him a while back. But then you got... I always loved him. I always loved him, but I gave up on him because I tried a couple times and he kind of was shy. He was married. Well, he was married. No, not back when I went back to visit him. When was that? Oh, I don't know. Late 80s, early 90s. And he was not, at that point, mature enough. Yeah. Yep. That's it. Okay. So now you reconnected. Was it instant? Instant. Like, no time has passed. Wow. Soulmates. Wow. Yep. You flew yourself out to California. Oh, yes, because I couldn't stand it. I had to see him. What was the flight like? It was like the longest flight I've ever had in my life. Oh, yeah. He picked you up at the airport. Uh-huh. Shaking. Because of security, where did he meet you? Right outside the doors where you come out of the terminal. Did you put lip gloss on in the plane? Oh, yeah. You put lip gloss on.
I see this is something new to guys. Maybe a little spritzer, a little perfume. A little perfume, yeah. You did that on the plane, or where do you do that? Right when you land. She had to, because he was going to be right there. That's right. So you did it on the plane. Yep. And you get off the plane. Do you have Ella B's doing the whole... She's acting out what girls do. We do it. And did you... Have carry-on or check-in? Oh, carry-on. So you come rolling out. Yes, indeed. You're rolling your suitcase. No, I'm carrying on my shoulder. A little bag. Just a bag. It was a bag. Just an overnight bag. Just full of lingerie. That's it. That's all you need. That's pretty much. I actually packed way more than I needed, and I only had one bag. Wow. So be read. Just a sex romper. Read it. I really squeeze him. And Lindbergh, right? Yep. No, LAX. LAX? LAX. He came and drove up. He drove to Los Angeles. I did. Okay. And...
So I'm trying to get the visual, and I want listeners to be able to get the visual on this as well. So you came out of, when you say that you, I'm trying to find out where you guys saw one another for the first time. I can't get the visual on it. You mean just recently? No, when she flew out here. Yeah, when she flew out here recently. Well, she was just coming down the ramp from the airline. And her flight was late, by the way. So I was going absolutely freaking nuts. I bet. How late was it? I think it was about an hour. Oh, that hour ate you alive. So did you have to get like a gate pass just to get in there? No, no, no, no. They come down this ramp. LAX, basically, you got to wait right at the baggage claim. And they have some security doors right there. So everybody has to walk down. It's that big sign. This is welcome to Los Angeles, and you're coming down the escalator. Do you remember what she was wearing? She was wearing a little dress. It was kind of gray. That's sexy. That is sexy. Did you say Chinese? It was kind of shiny. Shiny. It was a gray kimono. Yeah, so you're saying that it was a...
A big dragon on the back. Yeah, a big dragon. Smoking opium. Yeah. She came off of the plane with a long opium cigarette. I was like, what? Hot stuff. And they made eye contact. Funny. Well, I don't have very good eyes either. I can't really see that well. But as soon as she came through the doors, I knew it was her. And I was like, I wanted to jump out of my shoes. What was that hug like? I didn't want to let go. I didn't either. Like the notebook. We let go the whole way to the car. And then we got in the car. It was really hard. What happened in the car? Easy. No, I don't mean sexually. I mean, did you kiss? I don't mean make out. I mean, was there any kind of a... Absolutely. Wow. Wow, Julie. Wow, Julie. Did you keep your hand on her leg while you drove? Yes, you did. Wow. He didn't even remember. Are we going to do it? Are we about to make out right now? I'm talking about making life. Are you on birth control or are you sticking with condoms? I want to wrestle you so freaking bad. We're going to get our drinks. Oh, chicken, chicken, yeah.
I can't control my horny level. I just hope this isn't all too good to be true. It's like a little kid at Christmas. You're calling me a big fat lie. You stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey. So it sounds like it was a very, very wonderful reunion. Yeah, you could say that. So you guys drive. Did she land in the morning, afternoon, or evening? Morning. I got the earliest flight I could possibly get. Look at you guys. You guys. Have you guys watched The Notebook together yet? Oh, boy. No. You should. No, of course not. Julie. Julie. Actually, that's funny because we have movie night. Almost every night we have movie dates. Over the phone. I did that with Rebecca. Cute. So we might watch that tonight. Woods. That is pretty cool.
What? It's cute. Do what you can when it's long distance. Sometimes relationships are about more than just sex. I know it, dude. Jamie and I would Skype, but I'm not going to be like, hey, let's watch a movie. Why not? We do it all the time. It's fantastic. You've got to synchronize. Ready? One, two, three, go. Are you looking at the moon right now? Me too. Yep, exactly. All right, fine. Gosh, Woods, why don't you just try to have a little romance? Easy. Stop being so cold. Yeah, you're cold. Take that cold heart of yours, Woods. You're like a vampire. Gosh, Woods, just pretend that it was that girl Taylor. What's your name? Taylor. Taylor. One of my favorite names. What do you want for Christmas this year? Be honest. Like, do you have a boyfriend? I have a few. You have a few boyfriends. What are you going to ask a few boyfriends for Christmas? Well, the one in Australia, I want a kangaroo, but he thinks I'm joking. But you really want a kangaroo. I do. Okay. What about from your American boyfriend? I want a shopping spree. A whole spree. But the thing is, is he lives in... You naughty lover. You naughty. A whole spree. You guys are going to get me divorced. You're going to make me divorced. I would maybe get you, like...
Sunsprings? This hurts Jamie's feelings so bad. Did you slap her slightly on the shoulder and say, get out of here? Stop it. This makes Jamie so uncomfortable. And I kind of want him to fly me to New York and then take me shopping. I can't. Pretty small wish. What would you want in your stocking? Just like things I need, like deodorant and toothpaste. Deodorant. I'm reading your mind right now. Deodorant. Deodorant. Deodorant. You don't even need it. That's badass. You don't even need it. What if he gave you a stocking full of deodorant? What if? What if? I love you. Hold on. I have something crazy. What? What? OMG. What would you do? OMG. Like, do you have a boyfriend? Would you be like WTF? I'm okay with that. Okay. As long as it came with the shopping spree. I hate buying that stuff. Me too. Okay. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. And toilet paper. By fan kangaroo. Kangaroo. Kangaroo. Kangaroo. Buffet.
Yeah, we should break. We got a break. It's time to go. Jay, right? It's time to go. Oh, my God. Reid and Julie, thank you for joining us. Thank you very much. Keep in touch. I love you guys. We love you. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, thank you. All right. Bye. I played the wrong thing. Really? You know, really? Give me a break. Okay. Gosh, it's my favorite thing on the Mikey Show. That interview. We should do, every once in a while, we should do, we should call it like M1 Giddy or something. Giddy up. Yeah, giddy up. It makes my heart sing. I just like hearing, well, I like hearing the dudes. I'll be honest with you. I like hearing the dudes more when they're like. Because you can hear it. As a guy, I can... I like the vulnerability when the guys... Yeah, it turns us into giant pee words. Which we love. For a little bit, and then you better be a jerk. Yeah. You better be a loop. Do something wrong. You better be a loop. It's great. On FM 94.9.
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Look, can you appreciate that Wendy's makes your W so it's hot and juicy? Well, I... Oh, so you don't like signature sauce, awesome toppings, and a butter-toasted bun. Oh, yeah, maybe. See there? Maybe. Maybe? I don't even know you anymore. The new W Double Cheeseburger from Wendy's. Double beef, double cheese, and what's doubly amazing? Right now, it's just $2.99. Try one today at Participating Wendy's. Buy a Wendy's W Combo, register online, and double your chances to win Southwest Airlines tickets for two and much more. Two's the reason to be jolly. No purchase necessary. Ends January 6, 2012. Open to U.S. citizens 18 and over. Void for prohibited. Visit twosthereason.com for full rules and free method of entry. Cricket presents obvious life choices. Where making a good choice is also an easy choice. Take Holiday Carolers. You can go with, is that the best you got? Or, that rocks a lot. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited lameness?
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Introductory discount. Hurry, this is a limited offer. OvationHair.com. Jerome's Price Protection. Like layaway, choose your furniture, choose your monthly payments, and we'll lock in the price for one year. Everyone can do it. Buy your furniture with absolutely no interest, no fees, and no credit application. Price Protection, only at Jerome's. Let's get to the point. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the program. I'm your diminutive friend. Woods. I am real talented, but I'm not stupid. Lauren. I accidentally had a piece of beef yesterday. Yes! And Jay. I like my coffee black. On Anthem 94.9. We were on the radio a couple of weeks ago. A fire alarm happened. You remember? Yeah, of course. Not hard to forget. While we were on the air. Fire alarm happened. Well, guess what? We're not the only ones. It also happened to Brian Williams. Brian Williams of NBC. It doesn't happen very often when you're on the air on a network television station and that happens. But take a listen. As we continue to deal with a fire alarm that is stuck, we press on nonetheless with tonight's broadcast. And that means we're back with the latest installment in our series of reports, The War Next Door.
about the escalating fight against Mexican drug traffickers who have crossed deeply. What a pro. Is that worse than the... Just the steady drone? The steady drone get you? I think the steady drone is worse. I think the steady drone is worse, too. ...this country along the southern border. It's like a guy standing in your ear. See, I like the steady drone better. Oh, it makes me nuts. At least I can get used to it and start to tune it out. That would be hard to talk over, like something like that. Very extremely. Hard to concentrate. Very hard to concentrate. Right. Broken up like that. Repetitive. That has seen record drug seizures this year with some of the Americans who fly day and night along the route, spotting smugglers and protecting U.S. Someone's taking an axe to it. He's a beast. On the ground. Our report tonight. You have no other choice. Yeah.
There is not. The only other option is to sit there and stare at the camera and the red light. Maybe go to a video option that you have prepared for later in the show. That's a great idea. Margaret, we take a look at this clip from Libya. Yes. Perfect. We didn't plan on showing you what's happening at Walmart right now in terms of shopping, but let's do that anyway. He didn't even stutter. Guy's a beast. Yeah. Oh, it came back. With this fire alarm problem in New York, we're going to go back down to Andrea Mitchell in our Washington Bureau to continue things here. And, Andrea, the question to you is about what happened today in Toronto. Well said. I wonder if he pitched a fit when they cut to Andrea in D.C. If he slammed his microphone down and was like, look, let's clean this up. I hate it. I bet he didn't blame anyone, but... Sure. We are in the middle of trying to report on the events that just took place over the skies of New York City. The game of Frogger broke out. It happened in the middle of New York City today, and... Excuse me, there's a game of Frogger being played while I'm trying to talk to you, but...
We will go to Jim Mikliszewski live now at the White House. No, Jim is not available. Jim Mikliszewski is not available. Bernie, get it right. You've either got to tell me if we can go to him. All right. What about the other package? Do we have the other package? Can we go to that? Can't go to that either. Two frogs down. I have no idea, ladies and gentlemen, why a game of Frogger would be being played in the middle of a national broadcast, but it is. It's all right, I won't pay any attention to it. Instead, we will go to Andrea Mitchell, who is standing by... All right, I'm being told in my ear that Andrea Mitchell is not ready. Can somebody figure out why we have...
Freaking Frogger going on right now. Tom, you're going to need to fight through it, buddy. All right. We will tell you instead about the holiday gift shopping. It's getting louder. It's getting louder. We fight through it. You're professional. Your tongue broke off. Fight through it. There is some holiday gift shopping. What is shopping? There is holiday gift shopping going on right now that is absolutely changing the face. Tom, I think you spilled your raspberry tea on the board, and now it's stuck. It's freaking bubble tea again. It's raspberry bubble tea. It's that raspberry tea, yeah. I want to let people know that there is... It's stuff on the world fee panel. Finally, something for us to be... You can blame yourself, Mr. Brokaw. Peter Jennings would never do this. Can someone please let that person know that they are playing Frogger? Don't drink in the studio. Don't drink in the studio. What about live radio? We do have a Frogger tournament scheduled. I am trying to do a live broadcast right now while someone is playing Frogger. Freaking. You know who can do it? Hello, this is Brian Cumberbatch. Earlier today, we showed you footage of behind-the-scenes action at Purdue University. Some may wonder why S.O.B. S.O. freaking B.
570-1949 is the number. The neti pot works wonders, man. I wouldn't even be here today. I would have taken a day off sick. Oh, yeah. Had it not been for that nasal rinse, that thing you stick in your nose, you squeeze it, all the bad stuff comes out. I just got on the neti pot kick. Yeah. Finally got one. Do you use the neti pot or do you use the saline rinse, the squeeze bottle? I use the saline rinse in the neti pot. Yeah. And I tip it down and I go. Yeah. And I hack everything up. It's great. You should try the saline rinse. Just to squeeze stuff up your nose? Dude, it works so much better. I think I have that too. It works so much better. It really does. You don't have to deal with turning your head in a teapot. Over the sink. Over the sink. Have you ever tried the neti pot? I think we talked about this a couple weeks ago because it backfires on me every time it's made my cold the next day, like 4,000 times worse. That's what I'm afraid of. And I finally gave up. You got to clean the tip. I was committed, but... You got to clean the tip of it. Did you use the neti pot or did you use the saline rinse squeeze bottle? No, neti pot. Full neti pot, a little bit of saline, you know, a little bit of salt there. Yeah, a little stuff in there. Yeah, it works wonders, man.
Gets me all unstuffed. And I'm doing good. 570-1949 is our phone number. And Hillary is in the studio. What are you going to be doing with us here on the radio? What are you going to be playing? Well... All week I'm doing Holiday Hoot and Annie Miz because I'm so excited. I was thinking about it this morning. We've got interviews. We're going to be broadcasting live. It's going to be a big day, so I've got to get ready. But a local band that's going to play the Hoot, Blackout Party. Their new record is great. It's one of our recommended albums for November. Today's the last day of that, so I'll play something off that. I'll also grab Midnight Oil and the Postal Service and New Everlast and Group Love. I get so many calls for that New Everlast. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is coming up next. And the Mikey Show will be back tomorrow morning at 6. We will talk to you then. The Mikey Show is out.