The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 12/01/11
Thursday, December 1, 2011
health and safety warningssports updates and gossipcelebrity and scandal newsholiday events and promotionspersonal grooming and waxingconsumer theft trendsbizarre personal habitsalternative holiday activitiesarsenicapple juiceformaldehydewifi sperm
Mikey and his co‑hosts discussed health hazards like arsenic in apple juice and Wi‑Fi's effect on sperm, while Jay revealed his eccentric bucket list and bizarre habits such as urinating on golf fairways. The show featured a painful waxing segment with esthetician Janae, where Woods and Jay endured the wheel of wax, and a comedic neti pot mishap involving Mikey's son. Other topics included shoplifted trends, a proposed bikini fun run, and the ongoing Herman Cain scandal with Neil Cavuto questioning alleged affairs.
What happened, in order
Neti pot mishap
Mikey describes using a sinus rinse in his underwear when his five-year-old son walks in, asks if he's okay, and triggers awkward laughter.
Arsenic & formaldehyde warning
Mikey warns about tiny traces of arsenic in apple juice and formaldehyde in decaf coffee, noting the FDA may reduce arsenic levels.
Laptop Wi‑Fi sperm study
Mikey cites Argentinian scientists who found laptop Wi‑Fi exposure leaves one in four sperm immobile after four hours and causes DNA damage in survivors.
Jay's bucket list
Jay shares his bucket list, including spearfishing daily, being in a play, and heli‑snowboarding from a helicopter.
Top shoplifted items
Mikey lists the ten most shoplifted items, ranging from Nikes and Chanel No.5 to Let's Rock Elmo, polo cologne, axe body spray and luxury meat.
Wheel of wax
Esthetician Janae warms wax and Woods and Jay endure a painful wheel‑of‑wax session on legs, chest, back and buttocks, eliciting screams and laughter.
Golf fairway urination
Jay recounts his habit of urinating on golf course fairways, stretching his penis like a balloon or udder, which he calls a personal quirk.
Bikini fun run idea
Jay proposes a December bikini fun run where participants run in Speedos or bathing suits to humiliate themselves, which the hosts find absurd.
People mentioned
MikeyJayWoodsLauren O'BrienJanaeDanielNeil CavutoHerman CainRebecca BlackMatt CommerceMichelle BachmanChester McLaughlinVince YoungNnamdi Asamoah
35,929 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Oh, yes. Yes, they are. Are they? Get it. Get it. Surely is. Surely. It's what? Ladies and gentlemen, we may experience turbulence. What's a three you? It's kind of like a thrill. Oh, it's like a thrill. Except different. Say what? Now you're just screaming. Back up off that mic. Just a tad. Or a line. It's up to you. Hot mic.
Your peas are popping. Yeah, peas are popping just a bit. Voice is cracking. From the diaphragm. You smoothed it out, didn't you, pal? When Christ was born. You're working. Shendo. Committed now, so just finish it. Very strong. Stick where you are. I would have run off the stage. No, he's not even close. It's too high. You can't get there. He's crying. Wow. Absolutely gorgeous, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the show. It's Mikey's show, and you can call us right now, 570-1949. You can also text 949mikey at gmail.com. So much going on today. We got so much going on today. First of all, I've got to tell you, high winds in San Diego, which you're going to notice the first thing. When you walk outside today, you're going to notice that the winds are high. Ladies, don't wear skirts. Nor do. Nor, you know, if you're a pervert like Jay, maybe you.
You want people to wear them. Feels real good. Let's see. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. If you ever hear us say the words M1, you know that what we're talking about here, just like James Spader, when he talks in Pretty Woman, he sang Pretty in Pink. Pretty in Pink. We're speaking from an exclusive club here, okay? You're part of an exclusive club. No membership fees, though. That's right. You don't actually have to pay for it. No, you have to sign up. That's right, because it's priceless. Just listen. Call yourself one. That's right. Do it. 570-1949. When you call in, turn your radio down, get to the point, don't cuss. That's what makes you an M1. Word of the day today is rainbow. Every day we have a word of the day. And when you hear it, call her nine. You're going to get tickets to the Holiday Hootenanny, which is happening two days from today. Yes. And it's got My Morning Jacket, Two Door Cinema Club, Matt and Kim, and Delta Spirit. And if you want to buy tickets, you can do that at FM949SD.com. And it's going to be at Jenny Craig Pavilion. So let's see. Oh, word of the day is rainbow, I said? Yes. Rainbow. This is not going to surprise a lot of people, but there's some stuff going on in sports that Woodsy has for us. What were you telling me first thing out today, Woodsy? First thing out is there's an NFL football game tonight. The old Thursday night football. Nice. It is the dream team, L.O.B.'s.
Philadelphia Eagles. Lawrence from Philly. Big Eagles fan. And they are self-proclaimed the dream team this year. They made a lot of moves. One guy. One guy set out. One guy. They made a lot of moves in the offseason. They got Vince Young. They got Nnamdi Asamoah. Listen, they're four and seven. Yeah. It's more like the nightmare. This is more just kind of like, let's just see how much more fun we can have the rest of the season. Yeah. Yeah. This is, well, the good news for them is they're playing the Seattle Seahawks. In Seattle at 520. on the NFL Network. Now, the bad news for Dream Team fans is that Mike Vick is out, as is their star wide receiver, Jeremy Macklin. So Seattle actually has a shot with those two guys out of the lineup. Well, they've actually been better with Vince Young. Yeah, that's true. Well, no, they've lost. They lost both games. Oh, they won one. One and one. Yeah, Vick threw for 400 yards last week, but they still lost to the Patriots. Wow. Wow. That seems not going to do anything. No, I mean, yeah, the season's kind of over. Battle of the birds, I guess. We'll just play it out and see how we do. Pack each other. This is not going to surprise a lot of you, but they just did a study about San Diego County and found out that, apparently, among men that are arrested here in San Diego, most of them on drugs. They just found it out. Yeah, I know. Shouldn't surprise people, but it's a true fact. Woods, they've been arrested a few times. Yeah, Woods, what's it like? Out of here.
Never been arrested in San Diego. Were you on drugs when you were arrested? No, I've never been arrested here. That's a decent question. Are you on drugs now? Well, when you were arrested here in San Diego County. I've never been arrested here. Never. Okay. It's one of the few states. One of the times that you were arrested here in San Diego. I've never been arrested once in San Diego. In San Diego. In San Diego. San Diego City Limits. No, never. Never in California. Six times you were arrested in Texas and Arizona. I think you'll be happy to know this. The use of crack here in San Diego is on the decline. Ah. Like quit. Uh-huh. Oxy is on the rise. Oxycontin. A lot of people call it Oxycontin. I'm one of those people. I am, too. You're a big fan of making sure that people know that it is pronounced Oxycontin. You're going to abuse it, do it right. I'm lazy. Every time I hear somebody say Oxycontin, I think to myself, listen, it's not. It's so fancy and proper to say content. It makes my ego so bad. It's like saying that's, oh, it's ear, ear, when people put ear before a certain word that doesn't belong there. Irregardless? Irregardless. It makes me nuts. It's just regardless. When somebody says irregardless, it makes me crazy. It's pronounced oxycontin.
So fancy, Mike. So fancy. Oxycontin. Oxycontin. May I purchase one of your Oxycontin? Do you have any Oxycontin? Pardon me. I just said it. Excuse me. Yes, sir? Have you got some Oxycontin? Absolutely. How many would you like? Let's see. There's me. There's my wife. Her brother is coming over to the parlor tonight. We're going to have some tea. Don't forget the butler. Don't be rude. Darling, we don't give the butler some content. You sneak the butler oxycontin, but the only reason you do is because he's African-American and you like African-American men. Well, that's fair enough. Don't think I haven't seen you steal a glance. Three pounds per. It's not three pounds per cotton. Three pounds per oxy. Now you've got me saying it like you. Can you please pass the jelly? Oh, dear. Hillbilly heroin.
Hillbilly heroin. That's what they call it. Really? Yeah. Let's see. They, by they, you mean you. Me and my friends. Yeah. You are not going to be surprised to find out that people that are arrested here in San Diego County are still testing very high for meth. Wow. And unemployed arrestees are testing positive for meth and pot. Wow. You know, some weed, some chicken wings, some, you know, we love orange soda. There it is. It's true. Meth is very high among the people that are arrested. They say that it's in 2010, one in three chicks and one in four dudes tested positive for meth when they were arrested. Okay. They're arrested. Wow. They're arrested. I somehow stumbled upon a YouTube video last night showing the transition of what happens to people physically. Oh, it's hideous. It's like nothing you've ever seen. It's hideous. Like, it takes a human being from being one person to being somebody else. Now, one of the ways that you know that somebody is on meth is their face will get messed up. You know why? They scratch themselves. They pick and scratch themselves. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah. And their teeth fall out, right? Yeah, their teeth. There's no hygiene. Their teeth get real messed up. It's because meth is like, it's the polar opposite of pot. Okay? Pot grows.
And meth is made. Oh, yeah. Okay? So it's the exact opposite of weed. Weed is something that grows out of the ground, and this is something that is manufactured. In a bathtub. In a bathtub out of chemicals. Right. Just absolutely gnarly. I was home over Thanksgiving. My brother wanted some Claritin, and we went to the pharmacy, and he's like, can I get 10 Claritin? And there's a limit to how much stuff you can buy. Well, there is a limit on Claritin D. And the reason is because Claritin D has some of the components they make meth with. Right. That's so weird. And they keep it back behind the counter now. Gosh. It's crazy. It kind of ticks me off because it's the same thing. It ticks me off when you go to a drugstore, you want to buy some razors, but so many people have stole them. I know. Stole. Sorry. Stole. Or stolen them. Stolen them. that they have to keep them behind lock and chain. That's freaking hard. You notice that? Those are the big items that are stolen. Yeah. The deodorant. Deodorant's a big player in the theft world. You know why razors are such a big player in the theft world? Because they cost $19 for four blades. It's unbelievable. Tell me about it. When I go for my morning after pill, I'm like... Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Pull it off the shelf like a normal. You are such a monster. Oh my God. Holy cow. Oh my God. And then she looks at me and she just, because she knows she's messing around. She gives me that look like, I got you right there. Got you again, pal. I got you. Seriously. Just a working girl. M1 Dave from Coronado. Hey, I just wanted to say, Mike, good on you for being particular with the English language. I make my money off of my ability with English too. Thank you. Me too. But he did just say stole, so don't let him say it. I do say stalled instead of stole. That's like a six-year-old said stalled. Sometimes we make mistakes. Thank you very much. Thank you. Story to tell you. Yesterday, as you know, I'm going through a cold. Got a cold that I'm trying to clear up. The neti pot, okay? That is the little teapot you stick in your nostril and tilt your head to the side. And saline water flushes everything out. Well, I used to use that. Now I use what they call the saline, or excuse me, the sinus rinse, which I believe works better.
It's by pressure. It's a little tiny plastic bottle. You put it in your nostril. You squeeze the saline, and it shoots through the other nose. Well, once you've done that, what you have to do is you have to stand straight up and put your arms out. And then you bend at the waist. And then once you're bent in a 45-degree angle, you tilt your head to one side and you breathe. You look like Richard Simmons. I know. I know. And then you bend the head to the other side and you blow. Okay? Now, yesterday I was doing that in my underpants. Okay? And no one was there. No one was there. No one was there. No one was there. No one was there. No one was there. No one was there. No one was there. I was alone in my own bathroom. I was alone. It's a safety hazard. Now, here's the thing. As I turned my head and blew and there was water coming out of my nose, my five-year-old son walked in and I'm not kidding you. He jumped. I bet he did. And he said, are you okay? And I said, and I started laughing. And blow and blow. I started laughing and I go, yeah, bub.
It's just water coming out of my nose. He won't unsee that. No. He will never unsee that. He'll remember his fat father. As he's in therapy. He will see his fat, bald father in his underwear. Poor Jake. I hate that clip. It makes me so uncomfortable. It's so gross. Oh, it's so gross. Please, please. I love it. I love it. So there's that. I just wanted to let that resonate in everyone's mind. So I told you that the winds were going to be very high today, but what I mean by that is 60 miles an hour east of Camp Pendleton. 60 mile an hour winds east of Camp Pendleton, which is... obviously going to be great for me since I'm such an outdoorsman. Secure your patio furniture. Any other lawn gnomes or whatever you've got going on, Mike? Bring them inside. I would cancel any and all jogging or bike riding activities that you may have had planned today, Mike. I don't. I don't have any planned and I generally never do. I'm a little worried. I have a giant Christmas tree on my roof.
Is that a true story? It's a true story. It's a giant pole going up in the sky and it's got tie downs coming all the way down. He's Jay Griswold. Yeah, he is. That's who he is. He's Jay freaking Griswold. He's Jay Griswold and... Junior. Junior. So I hope... You're the opposite of me in every way. You're good looking, you're in shape, you do stuff. I don't do any of that stuff. That is definitely the opposite of you, Mike. How many broken bones do you have? Hello. You can't just agree with me. All of a sudden, I realized I said that you were good looking, which is opposite of me. And then L.O.B. said, yes, that's right. He's definitely opposite of you. I've had a few, you know, arm, collarbone, rib, nose. That's ankle. That's why I don't get on my roof. Yeah. The entire family was on the roof. Jasper, my son, my eight-year-old. Kim, my wife. Calling the police. CPS. Finnegan, my older son, and his girlfriend. We were all on the roof putting lights on the house. Why? And Jasper, his eight-year-old son, was complaining of knee problems last night. Oh, my God. He's a little Isabel. Was he really? Or is that made a fact? He's complaining about the knee problems? No. He's making things up. Superdad. Superdad. That's Jay.
Every time he tells me about the things that he does, I think to myself, great. My wife's listening to this. Yeah. She's like, boy, wouldn't that be nice? Yeah. Eventually my kids are going to listen. Just tell her I'll come by. I'm like, shut up. You don't even need to tell her. She just expects it now. Right. Expects me to come by? So much about the things that you choose to be. I do. He makes us feel bad. What a good friend you are. He gives hope to the single women of San Diego such as myself. Wiener time. Yeah, and he makes every single guy listening go, shut up. Don't say that. My wife, my kid. Don't say it in the presence of them. Did you know that they put arsenic in a lot of the things that we consume? What? Did you know that? They do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In fact, a lot of the things that we eat and we drink and stuff like that, they have to use it to strip away. They use something bad. to strip away things that are bad. But they use it in such small quantities that it doesn't usually have a bad effect on us. However, Food and Drug Administration is now saying, quit putting so much arsenic in stuff. Perfect. Arsenic? Did you know that in your apple juice, come on, there are tiny traces, tiny traces of arsenic.
In your apple juice. No. Yep, there is. And the FDA apparently is considering. They haven't made their mind up. But they are considering putting a little less arsenic. Well, thank you. Well, thank you very much. Yeah. They're considering putting a little less in the apple juice that we drink. Why put any? Well, because it helps to take away some of the bad things that are in. Apple juice. It's like a pasteurization type thing. Yeah. I think that's true. I love me some apple juice. Also, your decaf coffee could have formaldehyde in it. Yeah. That's a true fact. Get the Swiss water treated. That's a true fact. Decaffeinated coffee, the way that they decaffeinate it, does use very dangerous chemicals. Oh. What a waste of time. Hey, listen. Be careful with your cocaine.
It's made with gasoline. Yeah. And back to the meth we were talking about. That's right. You don't know what's in that. Yeah. It's now getting to the point where we don't know what's in our meth. Right. Seriously. I mean, remember the good old days when it was semi-pure? When it was just meth. Back in the 60s, meth used to be something that you could get that didn't have so many chemicals in it. But nowadays, you can't even trust in the meth that you buy. It was actually crystal. That's right. Literally crystal. It was literally crystals. And now, well, now you can't afford to do anything without bothering yourself. All right. We are going to be telling you dudes what could be ruining your man seed. That's right. There is something that you could be doing, and it's something that I do regularly that could be messing up your man seed. You better be listening, dudes. I'm going to tell you what it is next. That's heroes, baby.
If I was just another dusty record on the shelf, would you blow me off and claim it? Now's our chance. Let's do it. More from the Mikey Show coming up. Be a part of the show. I don't think it's that simple. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I'm beginning to like the sound of that. FM 94.9. Only two days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus with my morning jacket. Wake it up! And the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus or FM949SD.com. The FM949 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by SpyOptin. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM949. It's the Lexus how-to guide for giving a Lexus. Step one, visit your Lexus dealer to find the perfect gift at the perfect price for the perfect person. Step two, buy a big red bow. Step three, hold your phone up to the radio and hit record now. There, you have everything. The Lexus, the bow, and the song. It's the Lexus December to Remember sales event going on now for a limited time.
Lease the 2012 RX 350 for $4.39 a month for 36 months with $34.99 due at signing. And as a gift from Lexus, we'll make your first month's payment. See your Lexus dealer in Carlsbad, El Cajon, Escondido, or San Diego. Call 1-800-USA-LEXUS for important lease offer details. Complimentary first month's payment is up to $700 through participating Lexus dealer and Lexus financial services. Not all customers will qualify. Excludes official fees, taxes, title, license, registration, and dealer charges. Offer valid in the Lexus western area only and ends January 3, 2012. Cricket presents obvious life choices. Where making a good choice is also an easy choice. Take Holiday Carolers. You can go with, is that the best you got? Or, that rocks a lot. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited lameness? Or...
Unlimited music. Starting at $55 a month, Cricket gives you nationwide talk, text, and data, plus unlimited music downloads from Move Music, all on the latest Android-powered smartphones like the ZTE Score. Now just $79.99 with no contract. The choice just makes itself, so score a great gift this season. Cricket, your call. Limited time offer requires new activation. See store for planned data usage and coverage details. Terms and conditions apply. Hurry in today and you can get the ZTE score for just $79.99 this holiday. It's a great deal and an even better gift. Now at a cricket store. Cricket, your call. I know this may sound funny, but when my hair looks good, I feel good. And this holiday season, I'm going to buy a new outfit, get my nails done, and do something great for my hair. I'm going to buy myself the Ovation Cell Therapy holiday gift set. Ovation Cell Therapy is guaranteed to help grow your hair thicker, stronger, longer, and faster, up to twice as fast. With just an easy rinse-out application of Ovation Cell Therapy, the breakage and damage caused from harsh chemicals, heat, styling, and over-processing can be repaired, and your hair will look and feel healthy again. Look your best this holiday season. Give yourself the gift you'd love to receive. The Ovation Cell Therapy holiday gift set.
gift set, an assortment of the most popular Ovation products at a very special holiday price. Give the gift you'd love to get. Give the Ovation Holiday Gift Set, a special holiday package at a special holiday price. Order now at OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout for your special introductory discount. Hurry, this is a limited offer. OvationHair.com. For the holidays, you don't put out your everyday china. You take out the wedding china and you prepare all your treasured holiday foods. Because the holidays are no time to compromise. Which is why on more and more tables across America, you'll find Boar's Head Sweet Slice Ham. Sweet Slice has become a holiday tradition. Because ordinary ham has no place at the holiday table. And there's simply no other holiday ham that offers anywhere near the quality and flavor of Sweet Slice. Sweet Slice is Boar's Head smoked bone-in ham without the bone. It's already cooked, so all you do is heat it up and carve. There's no trouble. There's no waste. Just applause. From all of us at Boar's Head to all of our friends across this wonderful country of ours, we wish you the happiest of holidays. Boar's Head. Compromise elsewhere. This fall.
Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow will bring you on a global tour of the perfect winter. Adjust your gear, take a deep breath, and shred, launch, spin, charge, like there's no tomorrow. Join Warren Miller cinematographer Tom Day as he shoots his first 800-inch California winter and captures incredible powder turns laid down in Squaw Valley by Johnny Mosley, J.T. Holmes, Michelle Parker, and more. India, Chile, New Zealand, Norway, it's all here. So get out there and buy tickets like there's no tomorrow because tickets are on sale now. Check warrenmiller.com for details. FM 94.9 welcomes Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow to the San Diego area this week with screenings in La Jolla, Carlsbad, and Encinitas. Ticket holders get buy one, get one free lift ticket offers to Heavenly and Mountain High and $25 off at Sports Chalet. Get your tickets at ticketfly.com, select Sports Chalet stores, and at theater box offices. Check warrenmiller.com for more information. Hi, I'm Annie, and I work at Guitar Center. Now's the time to get them a gift they won't forget, because at Guitar Center, it's like Black Friday never ended. Guitar shoppers are really in luck. It's our annual Guitar-a-thon, with the year's deepest discounts on top-name brands, including Gibson, Fender, Taylor, and Martin. Save up to 70% off list, but we've also got doorbuster deals in every department, like Harbinger PA Systems, just $149, and Remo Drumheads, 60% off list. The best price and advice.
at Guitar Center. 30, 60, 90-day return policies. It's just hard to keep track, especially during the holidays. Well, at Sportulet, that's not a problem. You see, you can actually return any item you've purchased at any time if you're not completely satisfied. Say it doesn't fit or doesn't perform to your expectation. Not a problem. Simply return it at any time and we'll make it right. Now that's a jolly good return policy that's hard to forget. It's a very nice ride on our area freeways right now. This report brought to you by Cox Business. Cox knows business.
Cox Business, providing solutions for all your business communications needs, supported by a local team. Cox Knows Business. Visit online at coxbusiness.com. I'm seeing some slow traffic building up, especially on the 5. Northbound, you're going to find some slowing starting right now out about Coronado Avenue. Looks like that stays with you to H Street. This report also brought to you by Best Buy. Find great prices on Garmin, Magellan, and TomTom portable GPS systems. Shop their huge selection at your local Best Buy store or online. online at BestBuy.com, and they'll ship it free every day during the holidays. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. You know, Lars Ulrich said, yeah, if we're going to do a different sound, we might just want to make it really different. That you've got to watch out for that could be messing up your man seed. Well, I'll tell you what it is. Laptopping with wireless internet. Like, holy cow. That's right. You may not have a seed left. I do that. I know. I do it a lot. I do it and I do it a lot. Here's the deal.
Scientists say. Now, I'm going to point out it was scientists in Argentina. I don't know if that means anything to anybody. Maybe you say, well, maybe their techniques are different than our techniques. Are you saying that Argentinian scientists aren't as good as American scientists? Wow. No, what I'm saying is that Argentinian scientists have different levels of protocol than we do. Of smarts. No, I'm not saying that. They got different protocol than we have. And they found that exposure to laptops with Wi-Fi could damage sperm. One out of every four swimmers weren't swimming after four hours. Four hours. It's a long session. Yeah. When you say session. He means laptop session. Yeah. When you say session, do you mean.
With Microsoft Word, you're working on Microsoft Word. That's not what I meant. I meant it's a long time to be on your computer. Oh, okay. A long internet session, whatever you may be doing. Yeah, it means that you're working. You know, you're doing work. Most people, when they're on their laptop, are doing work. Right. Aren't they? No. Sure. I'm glad you said that. Thank you for saying that. Out of the ones that did survive, the little swimmers, one in 11. showed signs of DNA damage, times as many as the unexposed group. Now, this, again, was a study in Argentina. This was not a United States study. Perhaps theirs is different than ours. She's saying Argentinian meds. Wi-Fi. Sperm. Wi-Fi. And their Wi-Fi is different.
No. I don't know that the technology is different. I think maybe you're trying to say they're not as smart as us. Yeah, and maybe their sperm are inferior to our sperm. I am certainly not saying that at all. I mean, Argentina produces some of the world's best soccer players. What's Argentina? What did I say? Argentina produces some of the world's best athletes. Yes, I think Argentina has been producing great athletes since the beginning of time. Well said. I'm glad you said that. Thank you for saying that. Jay's bit where he flubs words, rubs off on you. All right. Does it? Doesn't it? Jay, you got to admit, ever since you started flubbing your words, we do it more often. All the time. I don't hear it when I do it. Oysters. Sounds perfect. Oysters. Yep. Oysters. Ashton Kutcher.
It's like it's transmitted through the airwaves. Whatever you think you know about this man is irreverent. I say irreverent now. So do I. Everybody does. I would say you guys got to get your act together. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. I don't say it. Who is Taylor Swift? Jay has now started doing a thing where he adds the T. It's not like it's Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is easier to say than Taylor Swift. Yeah, it's true. Totally. I would rather say Taylor Swift. Argentina, really? Now give us a call if you want to play catchphrase. 570-1949. My wife got me Benihana last night. She's an angel. I mean, it is unfair though. We have to smell it. I want to eat it now. She is a little angel. Yeah. L.O.B. recorded this song in our restroom here in the building. Do you know how lucky you are, Lauren, that nobody walked in on you? Well, it was like 6.15 a.m. You weren't necessarily in a stall. You were just in the bathroom. I was in the bathroom for the acoustics. Yeah, for the acoustics. Because we heard Rebecca Black's new single. And I said, I could do that better in 30 seconds on my cell phone. Turns out you could. Yes. Turns out you could.
We have a lot to get to in terms of Herman Cain who says it may be over. He's considering it. He's considering what the future of his running for president is going to look like. He doesn't know yet. What did you do with him? Motorboat? You play the motorboat? We don't know. Don't we? Well, there's allegations that he had some impropriety. You motorboat son of a bitch. You old sailor. But we don't know. I mean, it's all right now. It is all hearsay. It's pretty bad if before you get into office, you've already got all these scandals. Well, you know, we can't necessarily say that he's guilty until he's proven to be guilty. There's scandals surrounding him. Yeah, that is true. I can't control my horny level. You don't know. You should at least use the Oval Office if you're going to do that. All right, now, here's the deal.
We're going to play catchphrase the way that we play it as teams. All right? Now, who's going to be what team this week? I don't even know. It's going to be Lauren and Jay and me and Woods. And the way that we play catchphrase is we've got this little device in front of us. And the device has different categories. And within that category, we have to describe whatever we read on the screen to our partner. Yep. And best out of seven wins? That's right. Let's see. M1 Josh from Fallbrook. What team would you like? My boys Woods and Mikey. There you go. Mistake. Hang on the line. We're playing. Go ahead. We're playing for a pair of tickets to the 2011 Holiday Bowl December 28th at Qualcomm Stadium. Packs versus the Big 12. Yep. Pack 10. Okay, whatever. Or what is it? Pack 10. Pack 12 versus the Big 12. Yep. That's pretty cool. M1 Julian from Fallbrook. You've got J and L-O-B. Let's do this. Good. What category would you guys like today? We have burn through entertainment. Well, give us the categories that we can choose. Categories to choose from are the world. I say get on that. Places. Sci-tech. Sports and games. Entertainment. Which, no. Food. Or everything. Food. Whatever you want. Just whoever's starting gets to pick it, so. All right. Whatever you want, Will. Whatever you want. Whatever I want. Yeah. Let's go.
Let's go sports and games. There you go. Are you ready? Yeah, I guess. We're mind-melding. Are you ready? Yeah. Let's go. Smell it. This is a game that you play. It's a board game, and you have to spell words. Scrabble. Yep. Okay, this is what happens when the score is the same. Tie game. You're tied. You've got to do something to... Go in overtime. No, you've got to do something for one person to win. Break the tie. Yes, but put it together. Tie breaker. Yep. Whoa. When you are playing basketball and you... Layup. Yeah. Layup. Give me that. When you do this on your CPU, it's called... Typing, downloading. No, it's fun. Computer game. Yes. Famous NASCAR driver. Dale Earnhardt. Nope. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Nope. One of the most famous. Number five, I believe. Oh, yeah. Married to a hot model.
Jeff Gordon. Yep. Team two gets a point. Gosh. L-O-B-A-J. Gosh. All right. Team two. Are we ready? Yes. Oh, this sounds French. It's a game with mallets. Oh, it's croquet. Yes. No. Oh, wow. Croquet. This is two words. Hang on a second. Hang on. This is two words, and it's also a band, the Blop Blop Murphys. Dropkick. Okay. Woods can't do these, but you get on the ground. Push-ups. If you're not a veteran, you're a... It's your first year. What do they call you? You're a novice or you're a rookie. Yep. We got this. Oh, boy. China, where the World Games were. Olympics. Yes, but the... Olympic Games. The place in China. Oh, Singapore. No. Yeah.
Hong Kong. Beijing. Oh, Beijing. I got it either. So team one gets a point. It's one to one. Mike Esparza. It's all right. Here we go. Mike Esparza starts. Three words. It's an action. There is a stick. And what are you, you, what you are. Whoa. I'm humping. You are. Yeah. Oh, I'm pole vaulting? What do they call it when you go under? A limbo. A limbo stick. You got the right word. A limbo stick. You got the right word. That's it. That's the word. Limbo. But the action of it is called. The limbo dance. Limboing. I'm limboing. Three words. That's the last word. So I'm going to. Limbo. Vomit. There's two words before that word. Okay. I want to. Do some limbo. First one's right. I want you to do the limbo. Yes. Oh my God.
It's the horses. They run. They jump over. It's called. Equestrian. No, it's they do. It's a race. It's every area. We're going to go out. The Derby. Yes. We did it. Steeplechase. Oh, gosh. Team one gets a point. Oh, my gosh. That was ridiculous. That was hard. That was hard to do. Man, you with the pelvic thrusting. I know. I'm pelvicly thrusting. Well, don't you go like this. No. That's not how you limbo. You just bend. You've been limboing wrong all these years. Don't they have a limbo stick and you've got to go down? Yeah, you do. You use the word limbo for sex, Mike. Yeah. All right. The horizontal. The horizontal limbo. All right. Here we go. All right. Here we go. Oh, gosh. This is a type of tournament. It's a type of tournament often found in basketball. And the first word is not square, but round. Yep. And then the next word is not Batman, but Robin. Round Robin shooting. Round Robin. Wow. Okay. You do this. You get pulled on the back of a boat. Water ski. No. Wakeboard. Yes. Oh, wow.
You're juggling. That's what I was doing. You're going to hand it quicker. When you don't follow these, you're... You break the rules. Yes. What? Wow, wow, wow. When you quit playing something, you drop out. You quit. You're disqualified or you... Forfeit. Yep. Forfeit the game. Forfeit the game. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes. Just in time for the bomb. That's team one or team two? Team one. It wears me out. It wears me out. It wears me out. All right, Mike, you begin again. All right, people are playing in their car. Here we go. This is two words. The second word is another word that they use for a homeless person, and they also used to do fighting. Bum fighting. No, no, no. The second word is that word. Bum. Yes. The first word is when you're going down a mountain. Oh, ski bum. Yes. Wow. I do this with a racket, and I go out. Yes, but it's the thing that goes across the middle that the ball has to go over. The serve line? The fault line? No, it's the thing that goes over. The court, the net. Yes. Tennis net. Yes, thank you. Oh, gosh. He was a president from Texas. George Bush. Okay. First word is? George or Bush? Bush. Bush. Bush league. Yes, look at you. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Okay.
Yes! There they won. What was it, L.O.B.? Stratego. It's a game. It's a game. That's a game? L.O.B., I would have never been able to do that. I would have never been able to do it. Holy cow. Holy cow. You guys with your fake stalling. I did not. A president from Texas. Fake stall. M1. Josh, congratulations. Yes. Yeah, that's right, dude. That's right. You get to go see a good football game, man. Yeah, Holiday Bowl, baby. The Holiday Bowl. Gosh, darn. I can't believe we're already close to the Holiday Bowl. Today is December 1st. It's crazy. Those Texas Longhorns are going to be here. That's right. That's right. I want to see it. Yeah. I want to go. Our friend Bark Malman is coming to town. Is he really? Yeah, he's going to come for the game. That's a good friend of ours that went to Texas. I want to go. Let's see. Okay.
Don't forget, the word of the day is rainbow, and when I weave that into a sentence, you will be caller number nine, and I'll give you a pair of tickets to go to the Holiday Hootenanny at the Jenny Craig Pavilion. The woman that does my, takes the hair out of my nose. Waxer? Yep. Esthetician. Okay. She's called esthetician. You and your fancy words again. Yeah, that's right. My esthetician is coming in today. And she's going to do something very painful to Woods and to Jay. We're going to do the wheel of pain. Is that what it's called? Wheel of wax. Wheel of wax. Wheel of wax. And we have an actual wheel. Perfect. And we will spin the wheel. And here are the things that are listed on the wheel of wax. The arm. The chest. Oh. The back. Oh. The leg. Oh. The arm.
Oh. The chest. Oh. The back and the leg. So there's four things and they're all on there twice. Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is going to suck. Bad. Okay, I didn't realize that. Leg, arm, chest, back. Leg, arm, chest, back. Okay, cool. Well, we wanted to put other stuff on there, but we didn't think it'd be appropriate. It wouldn't be appropriate. I mean, you can't have my esthetician come in here and wax that. Oh, come on. Come on, dude. We're all adults. Get their eyebrows done, you know? It's not that weird. Yeah, that's not what they want. No. Filthy creeps. The undercarriage, maybe. The undercarriage is the way to put it. Yeah, the how's your father. The who's your father? Who's your father? Twig and berries. Yeah, the twig and berries. You really need waxing on your twig? That's a little weird. You don't want to wax the twig. Just around it. If you guys could, would you do a laser treatment so you never had to do any manicuring? Yes. Yeah. Yes. Especially on my ears. I'd love the hair on my ears to go away. I would. Hell yeah. So I didn't have to... Manscape? Manscape. Oh, yeah. I'm headed that direction. Yeah. I mean, hey, listen, it probably hurts. Oh, yeah. But it's a good idea. Mm-hmm.
Smooth. I hear it feels like a series of rubber bands over and over and over again. Oh, God. No, no. Yeah. No, no. You got a tattoo. Yeah, but I was hammered and I was 18. What if you liked it? L.A.B.'s got a tattoo? Mm-hmm. I'm getting laser removal on my tattoo. Go to several sessions. Can I ask you a question, L.A.B., without, I mean, it's kind of personal, but it has to do with what you just said. Uh-huh. You said that you're considering it. Oh, yeah. I'm not, I'm definitely doing it. It's just one laser area at a time. Okay. Now, here's my question for you. Are you going to just do bikini? Bikini definitely is going to be the starting point. And if I'm obsessed with it, I might just do the whole body. For real? The whole body. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I almost stroked out. I almost stroked out. I almost lost consciousness. Oh, boy. You couldn't really tell what I was saying. Oh, yes, you could, LLB. Oh, yes, you could. It was a recording. As I use my lips. It was a recording of Lauren O'Brien that she made for her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. Oh, my God.
where she sang Santa Baby to him, and we took little clips of her singing Santa Baby, and we will play them out of context, like this. I guess in this case, it actually is. I guess in this case, it is in context. Yes, it is in context. She's talking about trimming her Christmas tree. Well, I wouldn't be trimming it. You're telling me, L.O.B., that you would just, everything gone? Yeah, maybe. Why not? Oh, my gosh. Because it would hurt? No, they said that. The one that I'm doing, my tattoo removal, is one of the, it's the most painful procedure that they do have. So it's going to seem like a walk in the park. I'm not talking about tattoo removal.
I know, but I'm saying the hair removal is going to seem like a walk in the park compared to what I've been getting done. I'm never going to have to shave or wax again. And I handle that like a pro. I mean, I don't even flinch. I just sit there and I squeeze a stress ball and I'm like, bring it. I guess so, because you just said yourself, you're never going to have to shave or wax again. So, I mean, if you're saying that. That was taken out of context. Sign me up for that. The endorsement spot that I did. For that company, LaserAway. And my answer to you is yes. Okay, Lauren. I get it. I mean, I get it. Yeah, you're excited about it. You're excited. I am. I've tried everything. I know. We know, Lauren. We know. You've tried everything. Creams, razors. Lauren. Stop screaming. You don't have to scream at us. No big deal. I think we get it. I have a burning in my loins right now. Lauren O'Brien. What's all? That laugh. Oh, it'll get you. I love that laugh. You got to be careful what you say on these airwaves because they can and will be used against you. That is a true fact. We all know that. Our good friend Jay was kind enough in his recap, and a recap is what we do to let each other know what we did the day before.
Jay was kind enough in his recap to give us the top ten things on his bucket list. What's that have to do with what you did yesterday? Don't know. Don't have a clue. Does Jay ever just make lists for stuff? Here's what you put in an emergency kit. Okay, cool. Source and survival guide 2012. Exactly. Here's some places I like to fill up the tank. Chevron, Shell, Conoco. Well, here is... Ten things on Jay's bucket list. Fellas, as I read this, tell me if these are things that you would put on your bucket list. Swing from one trapeze to another with only a net underneath me, as opposed to only a what underneath me. Where they hook the ropes to you so you can't really fall. You know, they just lower you down slow when you mess up. I want the full-on experience. I want to swing, jump. I'll be your tandem partner. Let's go. I want to do it, too. I would do it. Let's do it. I got dibs. Damn it. Number nine, become a great spear fisherman. 100% in. Wood's got to look like he wanted to laugh, but I am 100% in on that. You guys have fun out throwing spears on the beach. Hey, dude. You're not going to catch a flipping thing. Jay, I'm in. Listen, I know a guy that we used to work with, BC. He used to be a DJ here in town for years. Okay. Guy lives in Panama City, Florida.
And that guy, every single day, I mean every day, catches dinner. He says there's nothing like it. Spearfishing. Well, you just regular fish. Puts on a snorkel, bro. How great does that sound? You get to go down and you see him. You get to snorkel. You get to go down. You get to see your food. You shoot it. You take it. You grill it. He says. Mikey, there ain't nothing like it. Oh, okay, so it's like a gun. It's a gun. I thought you clowns were talking about, like, Tom Hanks and Castaway throwing spears in the water and spearing fish. Okay, I got you. No, I've done it. It's just so hard. I got you. It's a lot of work. I think it's called a Hawaiian sling where it slides up and you have this rubber band and it shoots. We don't want to hear about your sex toy. Hawaiian sling. And you know he's got a Hawaiian sling. You know he's got something he made out of pineapples at home. Yeah, it's floral print. Hey, babe, you want to do the Hawaiian sling tonight? It's disgusting. Number eight. Okay, Woods, this is going to get you.
On Jay's bucket list, be in a play. Oh, thank you, Jesus. Thank you so much. Up the down staircase real good or Godspell. I would do anything. And I mean anything to see him in a community play. Easy, Les Mis. Seriously. Let's get him signed up. Glen Gary Glen Ross. Hey, y'all know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes brass balls. It takes brass balls. You put that coffee down. Coffee's for closers, aren't we? That coffee down. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Always be closing. Always be closing. Always be closing. Cut, cut, cut, Jay. Yeah. You can't say always. I'll try it again. Always be closing. Always. Cut, cut, cut. You said always. You have to say always. Always be closing. No, no, Jay. We're not going to be able to put you in this production if you continue to use that southern accent thing, first of all, and then flub the words up. I'm saying, it sounds like I'm saying just what you're saying. Always be closing. Always be closing. That's genius.
He wants to go hella snowboarding. Do you know what that is? Of course. They drop you from a helicopter. Yes. Into uncharted lands. Wow. Want to go? Put me in, coach. You would do that? Oh, I've almost gone a couple times. It was just too expensive. I thought you wanted to be around for your family. No kidding. Yeah. People, it's perfectly safe. Yeah. And, well, dudes, see if you want to do any of this stuff. Because we got more. But also. We have the audio of the chick that had the 13-year affair with Herman Cain. Was there cash for sex? We got the audio. I didn't play that. Jay did.
Delta Spirit. And my heart is weak. And the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at Tickets.com, Annie Craig Pavilion Box Office on the USD campus or FM949SD.com. The FM949 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by SpyOptics. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM949. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl, They've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones. And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking. Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now, I'm all. Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades, and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com.
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Prices and participation may vary. If you like Jimmy and you like Willie, you're going to love Lucas Nelson and Promise of the Real appearing live on behalf of Jobs for Autism Saturday, December 10th, 8.30 p.m. at the North Park Theater, 2891 University Avenue. Come see this next legend of rock and roll. That's Saturday, December 10th. You'll be blown away. Tickets available online at jobsforautism.com. That's jobsforautism.com. Starting to load up on a lot of freeways. This report brought to you by Wii. Wii, now bundled with the new Super Mario Brothers Wii game for the new amazingly low suggested retail price of $149.99. Game rate at everyone. Manufacturer's suggested retail price, actual price, may vary. If you're trying to take the 5, I'm seeing some heavy traffic now northbound between Mission Avenue and Highway 76. And it looks like the 805 northbound loading up between Highway 54 and Division Street, about a 24-minute drive.
now from Chula Vista to The Merge. This report also brought to you by Cox Business. Cox Knows Business. Cox Business, providing solutions for all your business communications needs, sponsored by a local team. Cox Knows Business. Visit online at coxbusiness.com. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't know the difference between odd and even. Lauren. If there's a movie with Meg Ryan in it, I'm like, I'm out. I'm out. Woods, I got one word for you, dude. Yeah. And J. I stole from the Rolling Stones dressing room. I got this little coffin thing. I stole it from that on FM 94.9. I just want to let you know that Michelle Bachman was in Iowa. Woods, I think it will thrill you to know that she was in a town called Waverly, which is also, coincidentally enough, the name of... Our former news girl, Sienna's younger sister. Oh, that's interesting. Who you thought was very pretty. Well, who you also thought was very pretty. You guys are using the past tense as if you don't still think it. Well, wait a minute. The only thing is, is that one of us has friended her on Facebook and the other has not. I'm not friends with her. He de-friended her. He de-friended her? Because we gave him such a rash. Such a hard time. I don't want to disrespect my wife, Jamie. One of my favorite names. Okay, hey, what's your name?
Taylor. Is that right? Taylor. One of my favorite names. What do you want for Christmas this year? Over a year ago. You're listening to a clip of our 36-year-old friend Woods, who is, in fact, happily married. Very much so. And in love. There's no doubt about it. There is no doubt about it. However, as men, we all have this thing. It's called pride. What happens is we always want to be the lion. We still want to stalk. It doesn't mean that we have to pounce, but we do like to stalk. You guys call that pride. I call that creep. Woods, I don't give you such a hard time about this. You know, listen, I mean, when you interview guys, you talk like this. Hey. Hey, how you doing? When you interview women? Hey, how you doing? Like, do you have a boyfriend? I have a few. You have a few boyfriends? A boyfriend? What are you going to ask? You have a few boyfriends? A few boyfriends? No, tell me more. A boyfriend?
He is silly. There's a lot I can say right now that I'm not going to say. All right. Which one in your stocking? Oh, my God. Michelle Bachman told the crowd in Waverly, Iowa. That's my favorite city. One of your favorite cities. Yeah. That's one of my favorite cities. That she would close the U.S. Embassy in Iran. And she was serious. That is right. She would close it. The only problem is... It's already closed and has been since 1980. Excuse me, Ms. Presidential Candidate. It's already closed. Does GOP have any chance at all? They're literally picking guys off the street. Excuse me, sir? Are you busy the next four years? You ran a pizza joint, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. Come on, come on.
Come on in. Why not? Let's just do this. Unbelievable. What's going on in sports? Well, I'm going to give you a Chargers injury update here in a second, but wanted to tell you that sports is brought to us today by our friends at Dave and Buster's Eat, Drink, Play Football. Chargers have been injured all year. I think that's been a big problem with what's gone wrong for them. They are sitting at four and seven, and they have placed Marcus McNeil on injured reserve. He is done for the year. Good thing he's one of our best. He protects Phillip Rivers' blind side. Hey, Woodsy, can we all give a collective little bit, just a tiny bit, of a collective break to Phillip Rivers? Dude, I give the guy a break all year. He's been on his ass all year. Because, yeah, he doesn't have his main dude. A bunch of his main dudes. He's been getting killed. Chris Dielman's been out. It's been a bad year. And I really think the lack of training camp had something to do with it. Also, they did pick up a gentleman named Jared Gaither. He was a fifth-round pick by the Baltimore Ravens in 2007. So Jared Gaither is going to be the latest.
Chargers offensive lineman. Also, sad news. Out of Stanford, four-time Pro Bowl defensive lineman and assistant coach for Stanford, Chester McLaughlin died. He was a four-time Pro Bowler, played with the Raiders, the Chiefs. He was 42 years old, and he died of a heart attack. That's sad. Yeah. Okay. Man, we won the catchphrase, but I can't believe I couldn't think of the Rainbow Royer. What? What did you say, Mike? What? The Rainbow Warrior. Jeff Gordon. Jeff Gordon. Not to mention the fact that one of the guys on his team is from San Diego. Jimmy Johnson. You've got to be better than that. How did I do that? I guess I do. All right. 13-year affair with Mr. Kane. Pizza boy. Yeah, the guy's in a lot of trouble. Hello, Miss Lady. The guy's in a lot of hot water right now. Clown. Now, unlike Woods and Jay, I don't want to put him up in the court of public opinion quite yet. I don't know what this guy has done. How do I know what he's done? It's your boy, Herman Cain. A lot of smoke out there. Herman Cain's not my boy. It's your boy. He's one of your bunch. He's one of yours. Well, he's a Republican. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Republican, conservative, he smokes, which...
I don't. Everyone knows, Mike, you appreciate smoking. I love pizza. I do not appreciate smoking. He was CEO of Godfather's Pizza, which, I mean, let's face it. I mean, you could have been CEO with all the stock options you had. How dare you? How dare you? All right, so this is from Good Morning America. Note. Uh-oh. It usually means something scandalous is in there. Spicy. Was there cash for sex? Sex for cash. He also says he has helped you financially over the past few years. Has he given you money? Yes, he has. On what occasions? I've received gifts and money for the last two and a half years consistently. Did he ask for anything in return for that money? No. This was nothing, this was not sex for cash. Wow. Well, she's saying it was not sex for cash, but he has been giving her money, she says. False. But you guys have given me birthday money. Not continually and consistently. Wow. Well, we didn't make love either. We didn't make sex to you. But it wasn't for sex. It was for an occasion. True. Yeah, but not for two and a half years. Did you say for an occasion or for an occasion? Tricky.
You figure out what I said. On line one, M1 John from Mira Mesa, what was the word of the day? Rainbow. That's correct. Maybe I could have thought of a more sly way to work it into a sentence. Instead of rainbow. This is a rainbow. Rainbow in the dark. Hang on. Mushmouth. Mushmouth. Real good. Told you. Our friend Jay is contagious. Yeah, he is. He's flubbing. He messes up those words. I mess up those words. Yep. Have you guys ever heard of The Daily? It's a news publication. Oh, yeah. It's in Britain, right? No. No. All right. Oh, no, no, no. Wait. Yeah. The Daily Code. Thank you. There is a newspaper called The Daily in...
in the uk but apple is uh uh got uh on their itunes store and if you have an ipad they have a newspaper that's delivered electronically called the daily and they're actually getting some pretty big news stories one of the news stories that they broke was miley cyrus very recently saying that she smokes weed now was she joking was she not joking i don't know but she she made a joke about smoking too much weed now maybe this was because of the salvia incident. I didn't even know what salvia was. Me neither. Until Miley Cyrus smoked it out of a bong. Well, here's the thing. I like, like I took a hip, but I didn't like it in hell and stuff. Miley, you can't just be. I didn't. Look, people like to take pictures of me and stuff because like I'm famous. Don't you realize kids are watching that? I don't think any kids would be interested in me. I'm not on Disney anymore. Are you kidding? Kids love you. Kids love you. I worship you. Was it like I was some sort of character that they liked? No. Yes. Well, they love everything about you. Yes, actually, you were a character named Hannah Montana. That was like so one year ago. So I get this thing daily. It's good, man. It comes on the iPad.
This is what Miley said. You know you smoke way too much effing weed. She's a lady. Like, we get it. You're so hard, aren't you? You're so grown up. That was a misquote. Was it? It wasn't a misquote. I was talking about, like, funning, funning weed. That's the F word I was looking for. Funning weed. You smoke salvia? I didn't inhale the salvia. The weed I did. Do you smoke in salvia? The weed I did. The weed you did. I'm not a weirdo. Weedo? Weedo. I'm a freaking weedo. Gosh. That was a complete misquote. She'll be in Malibu Promises in about three years. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. I like Malibu Barbie and stuff. I hope she isn't. She will be. Come on. How will she not be? All right. I'm going to do something called Are You Out There? I want to know if this person's out there. Are you a dude and you have ever been sexually harassed by a hot girl? Is that possible? Is it possible for a guy to file a sexual harassment lawsuit against a hot girl? Why do I phrase it that way? Because what is sexual harassment? Unwanted sexual what? Advances. Advances.
Touching. Unwanted sexual advances and or touching. Now, oh wow, Woods just reached over and very romantically, Jamie, Woods' wife, took off a bra strap to Lauren O'Brien and peered down her blouse. That was inappropriate. That was inappropriate. I might have touched her shoulder. You did. That's it. You caressed it. It was more than a touchwoods, let's be honest. It was a caress. At least I have witnesses when I go to HR. It was not a caress. Yeah. It was not a caress. Now, is it possible that there is a man in our audience that's ever been sexually harassed by a hot girl? And that means that you, oh boy. Had a boss. The balls on this guy. I had a boss that would come on to me. And she just found you so hot. She had to have it. She had to have you. I was a married man. Jay, she had to have you. Is that it? I'm just...
Telling you the way it happened. I didn't file any charges. I could never be around her. I could not be alone with her. Have you ever seen the movie Horrible Bosses? Yeah. That was my situation. She was hotter than Jennifer Aniston. Way hotter. Bottom line is she couldn't keep her hands off old Jay. She was not hot. She was not hot. That's what we said. To me. To me. To me. Other people found her attractive. I did not. Like her family thought she was attractive. No, no. There's other guys who were like, yeah, you're pretty. I just said I only have eyes for my wife. Oh, boy. Nice try. Other people found her attractive? Yeah, she had big bazoombas. I mean, they were giant. Will you write the name and show it to me on a piece of paper? You won't know. You won't know her. Mike, you want to know her? I made her up. That's the reason you're going to know her. From Houston. From Houston. Georgia Glass. What's Houston? Houston? That's how you say it when you live there. What's Houston? Houston. Houston, Texas. Houston makes things up, too. I don't know. It's true. How hot? Scale of one to ten. She was probably a seven. I thought you didn't find her hot. No. To average. To average. To the average eye. To the average eye, she would have been a seven. Yeah.
What did she do, Jay? Was she like Michael Douglas and Demi Moore in Disclosure? She would always do like, oh, gosh, my car. Can you come take a look at my car? Oh, she wanted to bone you. And then we get down to her car. She goes, maybe you should follow me home. And I'm like, I can't. I got to go. Or she would change in the car. That's code word. She would take her top off. Let's have intercourse. I'm driving. I'm driving. And she'd say, I got to change my shirt. So don't look. She's in the front seat. I'm just like. How do you drive a car with a girl changing in the front seat? Like, if you're going to change, which there's no reason to, get in the back seat. Lutz, do you believe that this is sexual harassment? Oh, it was total. She was inappropriate. She was probably a little hooah. She just had to have Jay. Had to have Jay. She was devoted to her work, and so she never had time to meet anybody else. Ah, there we go. M1 Daniel from San Diego. Yes, sir. You were sexually harassed. By a hot woman? Of course. Scale of 1 to 10? 9. Really? Yeah. Describe. C, blonde hair. About B size, maybe C cup. Nice backside. False. And about 5'9". False. Okay. That's a model. He's describing a model. Yeah. Okay. And what did she do?
Well, she worked for me at the golf course up there in Utah. And let's see. Yeah, but in Utah, asking you for a cup of coffee is considered sexual harassment. No, no, no, no, no, no. Trust me. This was not asking me for a cup of coffee. No. She, we actually, we were having like an employee golf tournament. And she paired up with me, paired up with me. And we're driving down the golf course and stuff. She's asking me, I guess. She's telling my employees that she has dreams about me. And she's telling you? She's telling my employees. I walked in on this one day, and she started blushing. I'm like, what's going on? The young guys are all just telling me they're just cracking up laughing how she's having sexual dreams about me and all this and that. But did she? Did she tell you that she? Oh, she did. Yes. Like I said, we were driving down the golf course. We were going to the next hole or whatever. I bet you were. She looks at me and she goes, what would your wife do if she found out that you banged your boss's daughter? Oh? It was your boss's daughter? Yeah, my boss was his... Her? Yeah.
Was her dad. Naughty, naughty, naughty. No sex alive. Oh, wow. You naughty minx. How you doing, baby? How old were you at the time? I'm 37 now, so three years ago, 34. How old was she? She was 22. Yeah! This man was married and had a 22-year-old blonde girl with C-cups. Short blonde hair. Say to him, what would your wife say if you were banging the boss's daughter? Yeah. What did you say? No, he didn't say that. The good news is you're fired. I was flattered. I mean, I was, wow. Are you kidding me? What did you say?
I didn't know what to say. I was caught off guard. I mean, I never thought, you know what I mean? I didn't know how to respond to that. I was just like, wow. And my wife didn't like it from the get-go anyways from the day she found out that she worked there. Did you go home and tell your wife that? Eventually. Oh, God, really? Well, I'm speechless now. What? He did the right thing. Yeah. I wonder if that's the right thing. I don't think so. No, you just hurt your wife's feelings. Yeah, you just don't tell her anything. Why does it hurt her feelings? Because you still have to work with this person, right? So your wife's going to want you to be psycho every day. I didn't tell my wife. I think the right thing to do is to never be around that person again. Alone, yeah. You know, it's just one opinion. Don't share a golf cart. For sure. No, don't share a golf cart. Driving around a golf course? No. I kind of did. The reason I did tell her, though, was my wife was because we were actually arguing about, she was arguing with me about her. and I guess it just spilled out. Well, yeah, and you told her. We always know. Well, yeah, they know, but you're like, hey, look, I had the shot to give this one a crack if I wanted to, and I didn't, so feast. So you're telling me a big fat lot. Exactly. Yep. Did you get in trouble? Did your wife go crazy and call her? Yeah, actually. Turkey? That's bad news. Man, that's bad news. What did she say?
To leave me alone. Oh, wow. Yeah. Did your boss interfere? He never found out. Oh, wow. Thank God. I would have called up her dad and told on her. Oh, yeah. That always is. Oh, my God. The thing was that up there, her parents lived catty corner for me in the backyard. Oh, my God. It was our yard for catty corner. Oh, boy. Oh, man. Bad situation. Yeah. What do you look like? Mexican. White girls always attract us brownies, man. Those white girls are always attract us brownies. My wife is white, so. Okay, Lauren is giving me a look right now that says, Mike, I'll be honest with you. I don't think that that's a known stereotype. Let me tell you something, Mike. Why don't you keep dreaming, pal? Listen. Lauren's eyes just said to me. I wouldn't touch you with a stolen vagina. Oh, it smells like carrots and throw-ups. Not on Rohypnol, Mike, would I make love to you, okay? Drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. I just don't know that that's a known stereotype. I mean, black guys make it. Are you listening? You're looking kind of fat. Look at these arms. Fat, fat, fat. But, yeah, that's my story. That's mine, too.
All those white girls and just can't keep their hands off those Mexican dudes, can they? Everybody knows that. Maybe I should have said it this way. The good-looking Mexican dudes. Oh. And like Nita. Like John Cicada. Yeah. Right? It's like my... Listen. Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin. Oh, I think he's Puerto Rican. It's like my Hungarian... Our Hungarian nanny, Nita. Oh, yeah. You know, she said, you know, he was Mexican, you know? And I said, well... And she goes, no, not like you. Not like you. Not a light-skinned Mexican. Not like you. A real Mexican. He's refined. Civilized. It made me laugh so hard. I bet. It made me laugh so hard. I mean, come on. We got to have a sense of humor about stuff already. 570-1949. M1 job from Claremont. What's up? M1 Jose. What's up, Jose? You know, I'm really, really honest. And had it been me, I'd have never told my wife, and I would have hit it so hard and so quick. Oh, wow. Holy cow! Well, you are very honest with us as well. Holy cow! You are very, very honest with us as well. That was very brazen. Yeah, it was. Guess he wanted to put it out there. I hope you changed your name.
I can't control my horny level. No way, Jose. No way, Jose. When I tell you the stuff that is the most ship, excuse me, shoplifted ship. I said ship. Yeah, okay. Shiplifted. When I tell you the most shiplifted. Forget it. Oh, my God. It's better than I thought. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949 or shoot him a text. 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. Only two days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus with My Morning Jacket. Featuring Two Door Cinema Club. Matt and Kim.
Delta Spirit, and the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or FM949SD.com. The FM949 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by SpyOptics. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM949. Are you looking for the absolute best place to buy a pair of high quality brand name sheepskin boots or slippers and at the best price? Boot World is San Diego's home of sheepskin and I'm here to tell you why. This is Ed Stone, president of Boot World. Boot World has the largest selection of the most popular, quality, brand-name sheepskin. Ugg Australia, Aussie Dogs, Stahicum, and Old Friend. You'll find a huge selection of all the classics and lots of unique styles to help you make your own personal statement without driving all over town. Plus, Boot World has carefully selected and priced our sheepskin boots and slippers to have the absolute finest product in each price range.
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An accident's causing some problems right now. This report brought to you by Allstate. Call Allstate now. You'll get a lifetime membership in good hands, roadside assistance, absolutely free. Shop less, get more, make one call to an Allstate agent. Well, if you're taking the 805, watch out for a crash northbound past Mesa College. It involved a car on fire. So fire crews have the right lane partially blocked, and that's jamming things now starting at University Avenue. This report also brought to you by SeaWorld San Diego. Celebrate the holidays at SeaWorld. featuring the all-new Snow World, where you can play in real snow. Pay for a day, get SeaWorld's Christmas celebration, Snow World, and all of 2012 free. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. I'm Surfshed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Thursday morning brought to you by Bird Surfshed. And it's a great place to stop by for your Christmas shopping needs, especially if you need custom surfboards used or new. And good advice as always. Surfwise today, my advice is go do something else at the moment because it's really blown out. Swell's picked up west, northwest for the wind swell out there along with some secondary northwest and some southwest. But the winds are up and it's really blown out. Shopee just about everywhere.
A few nooks and cranny areas that are protected from that strong northwesterly wind are kind of rideable. There's people out trying to do it, at least. Size is up there, though. Chest, shoulder high, overhead weights are the standout spots. But generally, you've got to look hard and deep to find something that's going to be clean enough to make it worth going surfing right now, at least. Let's see what happens this afternoon. More winds are expected, though. For up-to-the-minute surf reports and forecasts, go to surfline.com. And for all your surfboard repair and restoration needs, go see my pal Joe Roper right down at Marina Boulevard. Tell them birds sent you. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 authentic surf report. Good morning. And now back to the Mikey show with Mikey. Don't really like to swim. Unlike most Latinos. Woods. I can put down a 20 pack of chicken nuggets. No problem. Lauren. I got a little pepper up my nose. She did. Had to sneeze. And Jake. No, I didn't cry. I'm a man. On FM 94.9. I was running back into the studio. Had a couple of minutes to go. Oui, oui. So I got the top ten most shoplifted items. And it's going to surprise you. There's some funky stuff on here. How about...
Nikes. Does that surprise anybody? Not really. I think most people would think, yeah, shoes, they're valuable. Yeah. Nikes. How about Chanel No. 5? Whoa. Why that? It's a very, very popular designer fragrance. Yeah, for like 60-year-old women, though. Dude. 4% of losses in stores are Chanel No. 5. It's old broads in their shop. Yeah. I have not, I don't know that I've ever smelled, and the reason I haven't is because I'm 41. Right. I don't know a lot of people that are wearing Chanel No. 5. Nope. Jay, back in the 1800s when it first came out, did you? It was good. It was good. It was a nice one. I've got a thought. Maybe it's when you find that stuff that falls off the back of the truck. That kind of deal. It's the guys that are stealing it and then selling it to you for half of what it would be. Well, no, this is shoplifted. But I'm saying they steal it from the stores, resell it. Oh, I see what you're saying. To those old ladies that are like on. There's a whole old lady, underground syndicate. Canal Street, Chinatown. It's an old lady syndicate. They're called the Graffia. Grandma Mafia. The Graffia. They're called the Graffia.
Here's another shoplifted thing. Let's Rock Elmo. How do you get out with this stuff? I know. How do you? He's got a whole drum kit and everything. I know how you get out with it. You shop there at the Toys R Us and you leave. And then you take a bag back in the store. You throw it in there, you walk out. I'm not trying to teach people how to steal. I'm just saying maybe the way that they do it. Create confusion. That's right. We'll get back to the list. I have more. But I want to talk real quickly to M1 Annie from Oceanside. Are you there? I'm here. Annie, you are a good-looking woman, right? Yeah, sure. Because the whole point of the question that we asked before we went to break was are there any men that are listening that have actually been sexually harassed by a good-looking woman? Right.
A not very attractive looking woman. See, maybe a guy wouldn't, because the definition of sexual harassment is any unwanted sexual come-ons or touching. And, you know, men would probably feel that from an unattractive woman. So, 19, I was in college. I'm 5'8". At the time, I was a size 2. Yeah, I guess I was pretty good looking, but I was working in an architectural firm. It was a part-time job as a receptionist. And there was this accountant. And I wasn't attracted to him. It's just he was one of those guys that looked like one of those models on those novels. Like, what's that guy's name? Fabio. Fabio. Yeah. He seriously looked like a Fabio type of guy. Right. He was an accountant. And I just thought it was so funny that this accountant was just this really, like, supexy-looking guy. I thought it was funny.
Now, how would you, yeah, how would you harass him? What would you say? I would tell him he was just covering up as an accountant because his real job was as a stripper at Chippendales in the evening. That's kind of cute. That's funny. That's cute. That's just fun. I thought it was really funny. Now, did you ever go, did you ever say anything saucier than that? No, that's really as far as it ever really went, except for that, so I was a journalism student, so. I decided it'd be really funny to write a news article about this accountant slash stripper. And I mean, I thought it was hilarious. Of course, I'm 19, so I'm like totally not realizing, you know, what the limits are or anything like that. I'm just joking around with this guy. And so one day I get pulled into HR and I'm told that he feels really, really uncomfortable because I keep making these sexual comments to him. And I'm completely shocked.
I'm just joking around. I cannot see how this guy feels like I'm harassing him. I don't know if he thought it was a practice to him. He likes men. Legitimate question. Legitimate. Legitimate question. Did he like fellas? Yeah, yeah, I like fellas. No, no, no. Did he like fellas? Him. Yeah, I have no clue. I never even thought of that. Well, she wrote an article. in the paper saying that he was a stripper. She sent him an email of an article that she wrote saying he was a stripper. Wait, this was a... Did you say a law firm? An accountant or an attorney? I'm very uncomfortable with this email. Why are you from Hungary, though? I'm not from Hungary. I'm from Italy. You're from Italy. Italy. Italy. Italy. Why must you always call into question my accent? Well, because it sounds Hungarian. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Woods. It sounded Hungarian. This is back in Salt Lake. I guess we just will slam...
They slammed the brakes on this one, huh? They slammed the brakes on this one. Did you call him Lobby-o? Lobby-o. Just pull the ripcord. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Well, thank you for the call. We appreciate it. Yeah, no problem. Look, you guys, you guys really make me laugh every morning. On Monday, I was crying when you guys were talking about Woods love letters. Oh, yeah. We'll get back to those. I barely see the road. That was awesome. We'll get back to them. Don't worry. Plagiarize. Yep. Oh, boy. Thanks, Kathy. Like, do you have a boyfriend? We got a text here. That was Nicole laughing, by the way. She loves woods. Gosh darn, she loves those woods poems, man. That was great. Wow. She loves them, man. She loves them. I love it because I get to see the laughs, man. Yes, our phone screener behind me. That's right. See, I need to have a cold shower. Jay, you are a creep, my friend. Okay, so we got a text from M1D. And M1D says, true or false? If you went out to the gas lamp on any given Saturday night, it would be hard to tell the difference between a patron and a prostitute. True.
Whoa. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. True. Oh, my gosh, true. Now, well, Lauren, let me say this. Let me say this. Okay. You can speak to it, and the reason that you can speak to it is because you've actually gone out. Oh, yeah. I, on the other hand, was always too fat to go out. What? What, what? There's no weight code down there. Isn't there? Yes, there is. Isn't there? Yes, there is. I, you know, I never felt comfortable. uh a bar guy when i was here in san diego i was when i was in dallas oh yeah but uh and i certainly haven't been to any of the clubs lately so what is d talking about oh my gosh by the way i don't know if d is a guy or a girl now i used to get like when i would go with my girlfriends downtown was another level
And I, you thought you, it was kind of like Halloween. You could like pull out some of the stops and be like, it's downtown. I can get away with this. But even back in my day, which was like five years ago when I used to do that stuff. Now I go down there for like gigs. I'll have, you know, standup gigs down there and I see the girls walking around and I legitimately, I'll be like, they like, if they were walking on any other street besides in the gas lamp, they would be picked up. Now. They would be thought to be a prostitute. Oh, for sure. Wow. Now, what are we talking here? What are they wearing? Clothes? It's clothes. There's stuff, okay, it ranges from anything to, okay, like, short? That doesn't do it justice. Like, it's just... It's just coverage of the stuff that needs to be covered. You can see their ass. You can see they have that little bit of bubble hanging out the bottom. Yeah, the second butt is hanging out. You can see that? Oh, you can see the second butt. And if you use your imagination or just go bend down to pick something up, you could see everything. For real. Oh, it's just... Make sure to tip a little bit. Yes. You just lay on the concrete. I often pretend... Yeah, I'll be like, oh, I dropped my pen. And then, you know.
Why are you out looking? I'm just doing research. But even the shirts, like the boob tape that girls wear to keep things in place. What's boob tape? Oh, it's like an invisible double-sided tape. that girls will wear. Yeah, they wear that real low cut, and then they're supposed to, the tape's supposed to hold it, but it doesn't. They get all sweaty. How do you know all this stuff? Let's go downtown. Downtown, I can see. I go to Stingray damn near every night. Yeah, Mike, it's called scotch. I think it's called Boob Guard. That's where I buy it, anyway. It just doesn't leave much to the imagination. Oh, boy. M1 Monica from San Diego. Are you there? Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. So I guess I'm wondering if you're calling all the girls that go to the gas lamp prostitutes. Not all of them, just the ones that dress like it. No, we're not calling everybody that goes to the gas lamp prostitutes. It's just, Elleby said, and this person asked a true or false question. If you went to the gas lamp on any given Saturday night, it would be hard to tell the difference between a patron and a prostitute. Lauren says, yes. Wow.
But that's classifying all patrons being... No, it is a generalization. Not all the women that are out there are dressed like that. But wouldn't you only be upset, Monica, if you were wearing something skimpy and maybe we touched a nerve? No, because I don't look like a prostitute and I go to the gas plant. But what do you wear? I look nice. I mean, I don't wear things where if you bend over, you can see my throat. Like, I don't do that kind of stuff. But I certainly don't dress like a whore. Well, how short? Tell us what you wear. Yeah. Because there may not even be a reason for you to even be. Yeah. If you're wearing slacks and a blouse. If you're wearing slacks, it's a moot point. I go to the gas lamp. I was there last Friday. I had on skinny jeans and a little top that tied at the bottom. Okay. And if that's what you're wearing. M1 Monica, then the call is a moot point. It is. But if you're defending wearing something skimpy, okay, but you've got to be open to criticism. Well, not criticism. Observation. And it looks... Give us an example. When's the last time you partied in the gas lamp? Last weekend. Okay, what'd you wear? I wore shorts, but they were not...
Short shorts. They were the ones that come just above your knee a little bit, about six inches. So you were bloomers is what you're saying. Oh, they're just, they're nice shorts. A spree pants. I guess. I don't think we're talking about you. We're not talking about you. We're talking about the girl that wears the dress where you need two haircuts to wear that dress. You know what I'm saying? Like it's very short. It could double as like an ace bandit. Like if she's not a prostitute, at least she's wearing the outfit. I'm a patron and I am not a prostitute. Well, I understand that. But the conversation is about people that wear more of the skimpier garment dresses. Something that could be used either as a tube top or an entire dress. Right. Depending on how you stretch it. Have you ever worn anything provocative? Yeah. Okay. Describe something that you've worn that's provocative. I've worn a skirt down there with some really high heels. Okay, now again, again, what kind of skirt? And I'm just asking. I don't care. Either way, I don't care. I'm just asking. It wasn't a long skirt. It wasn't a moo-moo. I mean, it was, it came, it wasn't where if I bent over, you could see all it is. L-O-B, you ask, because I don't know. I don't even know how to ask. Okay, so, Monica, true or false, you wouldn't wear that to, say, downtown Carlsbad.
Not appropriate for downtown Carlsbad. I don't know. I mean, I've worn it to La Jolla. I mean, I wouldn't necessarily wear it to Balboa Park to look at museums, but I certainly wouldn't. I didn't think that I looked like a whore by any means. How short was it? Miniskirt? It was a miniskirt, yeah. Yeah. Hey, I got no beef with it. Could you see the crease between your leg and your butt? Second butt. You could see that I had it at my butt, but you couldn't see it, like physically see it, like it wasn't falling out. You could see the outline of it. You should send me a picture. Second butt is... Second butt. What is second butt? You don't know a second butt? No. It's the under part of the butt. It's the under part of the butt. Why do they say second butt? Because it's your second butt. It hangs. It hangs a little bit. Yeah, but a butt is a crack. So how do you say? No, a butt is your butt. A butt is more than a crack, Mike, and you know it. Yeah, and a butt are the cheeks. Yeah, like you've got four butts. And you know it. Lauren said that to me right now like she was about to slap me across the face. Don't act like you don't know. Don't act like you don't know butts, pal. Jay just said you had fourth butt. Yeah, you had fourth butt.
Who does? Mike? No, he doesn't. He's now going home and coming up with clever ways to call me fat. That's all he's got. Sex or fat? That's it. Monica. Okay, so Monica, you're saying that you could see your butt in the skirt. Okay, I got a question. Could somebody describe your butt to a police sketch artist? bubble, but you couldn't see the under bubble, if that's what you're referring to. Yeah, the second butt. Yeah. That's the under bubble. As it's close over, you're not a prostitute. If you wouldn't... Oh my gosh. Well, and as long as you don't have sex in exchange for money, you're not a prostitute. That's another good decision. Something that would make me... Something that would make me blush in front of my father, I realize I'm dressing whores. Okay, Monica, would you wear the skirt you're talking about in front of your dad? Okay. Well, then we're not. Well, your dad is a sex pervert, so it's fine. There's stuff that I admittedly wear that is whore-ish. I do. We need to save that clip. Save that piece of audio. Where do you wear that? It comes out very infrequently, like Vegas or maybe Halloween. Let's do a show from Vegas.
Thank you, Monica. We appreciate the phone call. I would love L.O.B. to wear one of her whore outfits. Oh, please. L.O.B. L.O.B. As the years go on, it's almost non-existent. What's the whoriest thing that you've worn in Vegas? Oh, there's this little black dress that I have. Barely? It barely covers second butt. I can't picture L.O.B. even going there, Matt. Let's have Whore Fridays here. We're going to have Whore Fridays on the Mikey Show. I bet she's got to do four shots before she even puts the thing in. Absolutely. Her and just all of her girlfriends. And the red heels come out with it. Red heels. Hey, everybody, we're all going to get laid. If Matt had his way, that's only what I'd wear. Of course. Oh, I... I couldn't be any more opposite than that. I don't want to go out with my chick when she's... Because I know every dude is like... He likes that. He doesn't have a jealous bone in his body. I love that other men look at my wife and think she's pretty. I do it all the time. Well, I don't mind if everybody looks at your wife. It's okay if people look at your wife and think that she's pretty. It's okay if they look at my wife and think she's pretty. I don't want them looking at her going...
Look at the fun bags on that horse helmet. But you've got to own it, ladies. Like, if I wore that just during the daytime in Del Mar, people would think I was a prostitute. Yeah. They would. Fair enough. That is true, right? Yeah. Like, I wonder what she charges. But there's stuff that makes me blush that some of the girls wear downtown. I'm like, holy crap. I was just in L.A. a couple weeks ago, and Jamie and I went to the top of our hotel and had a drink, and I was looking at these girls going, Oh, my God. I mean, the shortest skirts you've ever seen. You see less on the beach. Yeah, for sure. That's not true. Dude, on the beach, they wear bikinis. Well, not all of them. But some of these broads. Where are you going? Blacks? No, no. I mean, they wear, like, bigger, like, bikini. It covers more than. I mean, you see the entire leg. You're telling me that in Los Angeles, California. You're telling me that LA at a nightclub. Yeah. They're wearing less than a bikini? You can make out. Well, you probably see the same amount of skin, but different. Low cut and real short. And some of them have no freaking business putting, it looks like, some of these broads look like me in one of those. Do girls wear panties when they wear that? Some of them. Some don't. They freaking go without panties with that on? Don't say panties. I've seen plenty of throat. How you doing, baby? They wear underwear? They don't wear underwear?
Drink up. Be married. I don't know. I wasn't looking. I was focused on my wife and the conversation that we were having, but I didn't look. We've got Bush. He was actually, to Woods' defense, he had told me this like a week or two ago. And I was like, of course you were looking and trying to pull that bit. And he goes, no, actually, I found it repulsive. It's repulsive. Because it leaves nothing to the imagination. That's why in the strip clubs, I always hit on the waitresses when I went to strip clubs. I like the imagination. You mean last week? Yes, last week. I am still living with your ghost. Lonely and dreaming of the West Coast. Neil Cavuto is a political analyst and he also interviews big political figures. He apparently also has brass balls because he asked Herman Cain, are there going to be more women that we find out about? And you get to hear, you get to hear what he said, how he answered. We come back.
The Mikey Show now. You've got to go. Call 570-1949. Here comes the best part. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. You guys care about the rules? More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Celebrate. On FM 94.9. Only two days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus with My Morning Jacket. Wake it up! Featuring Two Door Cinema Club. Matt and Kim. Delta Spirit, and the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or fm949sd.com. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by Spy Optic. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM 94.9.
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So, guys, you should get one for yourself and maybe a buddy of yours. Absolutely. Brother. Dad, brother. There you go. Coworker. Yeah, so log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout, and you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com, and remember to enter FM949 at checkout for a special introductory discount. Some things should just be free, like your bags when you're traveling, airplane meals, and the debit card that comes with your checking account. Luckily, you can still get a free visa check card and fantastic checking with no hidden fees from Navy Federal Credit Union. And we think you should get other free stuff, like free checks, mobile banking, free web bill pay, free ATMs, and you should be free of monthly debit card fees. Don't pay for what's free. Open your select checking account at NavyFederal.org. It's as easy as a walk in the park, and just as free. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's take a call. Jack, I'm kind of seeing this guy, but he only calls me at like 2 a.m. and says, hey, come over, let's do something. Does he like seasoned curly fries? Yeah. That's a foodie call. Huh? A foodie call. You know, it's really late, you're craving something, so you and your friends hit up my drive-thru for tacos or real ice cream shakes. Ah, that's a relief. I thought it was like his booty call. His what? Booty call. Who needs boots at 2 a.m.?
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Well, they put out a car fire on the 805. This report brought to you by San Diego Chargers. Chargers fans, bolt up. The Chargers take on the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, December 11th. For tickets, log on to chargers.com or call 1-800-745-3000. 805 northbound for Kearney Villa Road is where that car fire has been extinguished. Everything's off to the right, but you're on and off the brakes starting before Highway 54. And the 5 southbound, pretty tough from Tamarack to Manchester, about 25 minutes now from Oceanside to the 805 split. This report also brought to you by Jiffy Lube. Hurry in before year end and save $25 on any oil change tire rotation and wiper blades. Plus, save up to $20 on your second oil change with mail-in offer when you upgrade to Pennzoil Synthetic Motor Oil. Jiffy Lube. Keep my ride alive. Participating Jiffy Lube stores only. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't like it when it's cheap. Lauren. I was a bit of a pyro when I was a kid. Woods. I haven't moisturized in days. Dying. And Jay. I'm an awesome beer drinker on the course. On FM 94.9. You're not allowed to talk in this thing when I say this, Jerry. You're not allowed to say a word, all right? When I read this, you can't say a word. Okay. No, you can't say anything. You got it. Medicare is going to start covering obesity counseling. What's that?
Apparently, more than 30% of both men and women in the Medicare population are estimated to be obese. And so... Get that fatty some mud flaps, big old jiggly fatty boy. I told you, you can't say anything. I didn't say a word. You played those clips. You didn't say that. You got to be clear. Woods, what's going on in sports? Captain Dumbface, quarterback of the Chicago Bears, that's Jay Cutler to the layman, is engaged again to Kristen Cavallari. They had called off their wedding. And she tweeted, it's official. Jay and I are engaged again. This time, I didn't tweet her back because I don't like that guy. Last time she tweeted, I felt bad for her. And I told her on Twitter, hugs. Why did you do that? Because I felt bad for her. She's very foxy. And maybe I wanted to retweet. Nothing wrong with a retweet. Still waiting for my first. I'm a celebrity. Still waiting. I wonder why L.O.B. gets celebrities to talk back to her all the time. I get women celebrities to talk to me, too. I'm just clever. Maybe they're lesbians. Yeah. Yeah. She does, though. I'm clever. I'm not clever. How's hugs clever? How is it not for a 36-year-old guy? How's that not? Richard Pryor once wrote that. He once tweeted hugs. Yeah. Actually, I think he tweeted asterisk, hugs, asterisk. That's what I tweeted. You?
I'm surprised it didn't work. Or something else. I just wanted her to say, aw. A-W-W-W-W-W. You're winning. Thanks. You got to differentiate yourself from the pack. That's right. You probably got a thousand hugs. Yeah. Not from dudes. Not from hot dudes. Not from, yeah. Well. I tweeted Cameron Crowe this last weekend. He didn't write me that. Are you? God darn it. Are you? I wish I knew how to quit you. Are you? Kidding me. I just told him how much I loved the new Pearl Jam documentary entitled 20 and said it was absolutely the best documentary I'd ever seen. How dare you? Get nothing back. And here's the thing. You know why I did it? Why? He'd been tweeting a bunch of people back. And I'm like, oh, I'm going to get in on this. Damn it. I try to time mine when I'm like, if they're active and they're tweeting people back, I slip in there. Real good. Like a thief in the night.
That's what I tried to do. Like a tweet in the night. I have gotten nothing back. Nothing. Nada from anyone. Hey, man. If we keep our fingers crossed for you, one of these days, you'll hug someone. I don't hug everybody. Just Kristen Cavallari. All right. Let's see. Oh, yeah. Neil Cavuto. So Neil Cavuto's got a set on him. This dude, he asked Herman Cain, will there be other women? Can you say unequivocally tonight that there were any others that might be coming forward? Neil, I was in business for over 40 years. There may or may not be some more women that say that I made love to them. I don't think that you're answering the question. Just be direct. Be direct. Ask me the question again. Are there any other women that we need to worry about?
Listen, when you are the CEO of Godfather Pizza like I was... Delicious, by the way. Delicious. Appreciated. Not the right venue for that, but appreciated. Damn fine pizza. You're avoiding the question, so I figured I'd sidestep it as well. Let me answer the question one more time. Fire away. I was in business for over 20 years. When you're in business for over 20 years, you forget who you make love to. That's fair enough. And so... Is it me? Yes, me, it is. Is it fair enough, me? It is fair enough, me. Listen, both of yous. Neals. It is possible that I made love. I don't remember. Do you remember everybody that you've made love to while married? I remember every man I've made love to, and it's been great. Did you put the pepperoni in the dough or not? Get your hands in there and knead it. Just throw it over your head. Did you ask for sausage on top or not? Is it possible that you have taken that too far? I mean, I mean... I'm talking about pizza. No, I'm... Well, it's a double entendre, though, and you know it. Answer the pizza question. I have worked with and helped a lot of people, male and female. Oh, so you're bisexual? Is that what you're saying? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You just said you've made love to men and women. No, I didn't.
I said under my employee, I've had. You've been under men and women? No. They've been under you? No. Look, did you get peach or did you get sausage? Now, that was definitely a comment that was made in some sort of sexual. On your pizza. Okay. For a minute, you had me thinking. You like peach and sausage. Peaches don't have anything to do with sausage. You're making a dirty joke. I don't know what you're talking about. There's no way for me to say unequivocally. There's no way. Listen to me. How can I say unequivocally? There might be a woman named Nancy, theoretically, that could come forward and say that one time... Like Nancy Grace. TV's Nancy Grace. Once Nancy. Excuse me. It wasn't what you thought it was. Once, once a night was more like it. It wasn't once, no. One time. Is it not true? Yes. That you. Go ahead. Put your sausage on my peach pizza. No, I did not. Answer the question. No. The answer is no, Nancy. Are you saying no to answering my question or no to the question? Nancy Grace, I have told you once, I'll tell you again.
I had a cocktail with you. Oh. It was definitely a cocktail. Holy cow. This is Neil Cavuto, and you've just crossed the line. You've crossed. I don't cross lines. I have to set lines. You've crossed the mother. Excuse me, Nancy. Why are you using finger quotes, Herman? Because somebody. else I'm talking to that I just want to make a point that sometimes she gets a little perverted here. I've lost track of who's who and what's what in this place. Nancy, have you ever heard of the FCC? Yeah. Yeah, Nancy. Have you ever heard? Maybe you should talk to Herman here who threw out the cocktail reference in the first place. That's fair enough. If you put it on a tee, you're going to knock it out of the heart. Yeah, I'm going to knock it out of the mother of Athens heart. That's exactly right. Male to female. There is no way for me to say unequivocally. That's shocking. That somebody else may not come up. Oh, my gosh. Did you hear that? Oh, my gosh. Well, that's the end of him. That's, I mean, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. We got to get that chick lolly on the line that's in his thing. Yeah, in his thing.
She is now doing gift wrapping for Holiday Storm. Yeah, Mikey's ex-girlfriend. She can't work for Herman Cain anymore. Mikey's ex-girlfriend is a Herman Cain campaign manager. She stands by him. Really? Oh, yeah. Still? Dude, I mean, and is pissed at people. Let's get her on. Yeah. She's a fiery one, too. Let's see. Oh, yeah. She gets real fiery. This is Mike's ex-girlfriend we talked to a while ago, and she works for Herman Cain's campaign. And was on the conference call just a few days ago where he had to call all of the people that are on his campaign and working for his campaign and say, you're going to hear some stuff that you might not like. But it ain't true. None of it's true. Until then, he says, well, I can't say unequivocally that more skeletons aren't going to fall out of the top of my closet. Well, what I'm trying to say when I say that is that I can't have control over lies. Man. This preemptive bit. Hang on. Hang on a minute. You guys got to talk amongst yourselves. So this is your ex-girlfriend, right? Yes. So we already know she's crazy. What is that supposed to mean? Well, she dated Mike. Now she's working with Herman Cain. So I'm just putting the pieces of this puzzle together. Columbo in there. As opposed to a current girlfriend who would, of course, be sane. Well, he's come a long way since then, baby. He's saying that.
Naturally. What he's saying is that it goes without saying that if a girl dated me, she would have to have a screw loose. Fair enough. Lauren, you're not supposed to. It's a true statement. I just needed it explained to me. 570-1949. GOP doesn't have a chance. Who would have thought? Who's the best? Mitt Romney? That's got to be the number one, right? It's like saying, what fart smells the best? There's three rooms and in each room you're going to walk in and smell a fart. And what I want you to do is after walking into each of the three rooms, come out and tell me one, two, or three, which was the best smelling one. And you go...
That's a good analogy. I can't, though, because they're farts. Yes. Within their nature, they are not good. They're foul. They're foul. You know, they're not good. Pick the least of the three evils. I think his name's Barack Obama, man. Just don't want to upset the apple cart right now. Dude. Well, you know, what are you going to do? 570-1949 is our phone number. M1 Dave. is on the line from San Diego. Are you there, Dave? I'm here. What's going on, guys? Not too much. Go ahead. Listen, I'm not... I'm going to preface this by saying I'm not a huge Herman Cain fan. Aren't you? Okay? Okay. But I will say, I think you're taking this a little out of context. Now, wait a minute. Taken out of context means that at some point I say I would shoot him At some point I say I would shoot him a call and somebody takes a clip of me saying I would shoot him and they play it out of context. Right. And it makes it sound like I'm saying that I would shoot someone. But what I actually said was that I would shoot him a call. Right. But they took a little part of it and they took it out of context and it doesn't make sense. So how is that taken out of context? So he's saying unequivocally.
I can't tell you that someone else is going to come out and say whatever they're going to say. But he's being too bureaucratic. He's like trying to cover his butt and being like, I can't predict the actions of others. When he should just say, hey, I don't know of any, all these accusations so far are false. So I shouldn't expect any more. Yeah, and I think that I would be much more apt to go with your theory, Dave, if he had said that. And said, listen. I've never been unfaithful to my wife. OK, I don't know where these come from. They're baseless. I can unequivocally tell you I've never cheated on Rebecca. I have never cheated on her. But he's getting caught up in the semantics that he doesn't get quoted as saying something. Well, that's the thing. If somebody said to me, well, Mike. Can you say unequivocally that there are going to be no women that come forward that say that you've had an affair? I would say, well, if they're crazy, they might, but I've never had an affair. Right. And he's trying to be like, well, I'm already in hot water. Let me make sure I say the right thing. And the problem was he overthought it. And I think that he sounds like he should have just been natural instead of trying to sound like this. I agree. Like a presidential candidate. Yeah. Well, in fairness to Herman Cain, let's listen again and see if it's taken out of context.
Can you say unequivocally tonight that there were any others that might be coming forward? L.O.B. almost spit coffee out of her nose. Cavuto's voice, you know. How do you make it where he's made it? It's nothing outrageous. It's just normal. Miss Piggy. It's normal. Can you say unequivocally tonight? No, I can't. All right. And I won't. Damn it. Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And I believe the phrase is, why aren't there so many songs, isn't it? No, it's why are. Why are there? Are you sure? Well, let me check. Hold on a second. Google songs about rainbows. Why aren't there so many songs about rainbows? Hi, this is Mark Zuckerberg. Hey, Mark. If you guys keep this up, I'm going to sue all of you. We weren't doing it to sort of make fun of you. What are you doing then? We're doing Neil Cavuto. Yeah, we're doing Kermit. Well, we're doing three voices, really. We're doing Neil Cavuto. Yep. Check. We're doing Kermit the Frog. Check.
And we're doing Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook. Creator of Facebook. Yeah, creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg. You guys really want to tow that water? Is that even a phrase? Just because you make up the biggest social network in the world, you can't just start making your phrases. Tow that water, TM. Hi! All right, so Cavuto has a voice that sounds a little, you know, like Kermit. Can you say unequivocally tonight that there were any others? It's identical. Herman Cain looks at him and goes, what the hell is the matter with your voice? You crazy. Why are you talking like that? And I mean, really, why are you? Neil, you need to look at me and tell me why. Neil, I was in business for over 40 years. I have worked with and helped a lot of people, male and female. There is no way for me to say unequivocally.
That somebody else may not come up. Man, dude. I forget. I don't know. Wrong voice. Look, I took a lot of Quaaludes. That's OJ. Let's see. M1, Michelle is on the line from Del Mar. Hello. Hi. I'm calling because I'm completely disgusted by the whole thing. This Republican Party, this moral majority, they're right, super right. We're right, you're wrong. We have God on our side that tried to crucify Bill Clinton for his inappropriate relationship with Monica Lewinsky. No pun intended. I'm sure we all remember that. Well, hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on, Michelle. Mm-hmm. Because I'm a Republican, and I'm with you. I'm with you on that. Uh-huh. I mean, I think what it shows us is that nobody's squeaky clean. Yeah, I think his scandal kind of set the bar for people to go sniffing around for that kind of stuff. Yeah. Well, what bothers me about it is that... You can't really complain, though, about a Republican doing something if your guy was getting a Beej in the White House, can you? Real good. Well, I'm not complaining about that part. What I'm complaining about is that they claim to be the moral majority and that they're above it because they're the moral majority. Well, wait, wait, wait. Because both sides, I mean, we all have morals.
I mean, we all got morals. Hey, listen, it'd be one thing if the dude was standing up there and he was pounding the pulpit about how he wanted... This guy is anything but the moral majority. He had his campaign manager smoking a cigarette. He's not the moral majority. And that's what she's saying. But he's standing for the party. The party needs to get off their high horse. It's a bizarre... He's a bizarre Republican. Well, partisan politics are freaking bizarre. His numbers are going up, and he was the one that was pounding Clinton and talking about morality. Oh, he's a turd. They're all bad. They're all bad. They're all bad, man. Listen, I'm with you, and I am a conservative Republican, and I'm with you. There is nobody in this party right now that I have. But yet you'll probably still vote Republican. No, no. The only person that I would consider voting for is Mitt Romney. So you're going to vote for Obama, Mike? No, the only person I would consider is Romney, and I think Romney will probably get the nomination. So I can't believe that you're going to finally vote Democrat. That's good. Man, you've come a long way. That is great. We've really changed. Unless you write in Ron Paul. I'm not. I am not. I really love those Ron Paul.
On the freeway? Billboards. Yeah, on the freeway? Yes. The loved ones? The billboards. Hanging over the overpass? Michelle, what do you think of the Ron Paul billboards? You know, to be honest, I haven't really seen them. Well, let me tell you about it. The reason I'm talking about Ron Paul is that he sounds so much like RuPaul is that all I can think of is a transvestite. To me, I'm fine with a transvestite in the White House right now. By the way, I was being... facetious because they're not really billboards. It's people's cardboard signs that say Ron Paul spray painted on with a stencil stuck up against the chain link fence of overpass. It's called grassroots. Bed sheets real good. It's not working. You guys have seen it. It's not working. A Republican who doesn't like grassroots. Figure that out. He doesn't even like grass, actually. Ron Paul does. No, but Mikey does. I know. Thank you. Thank you for the call, Michelle. Thanks. Little angel. Yeah. Well, she sounded fiery, didn't she? Yeah. My esthetician is here. And she is going to Wax, Woods, and Jay. Why not you since it's your esthetician? Because he's hairless now. Gosh, Jay. Except for your beard. Is she blind? Because, I mean. Mike, I'll get you, all right? I will get you. I will make fun of you in any way I can. Janae.
is my esthetician. Woodsy, will you help her and show her how to use the deal here? You bet. Okay. It's going to take 10 minutes, right, Janae, for this thing to warm up. Go ahead and pull the mic up and show her, Woodsy. You got to be that close. You got to be this close. Right up on it. But it'll take 10 minutes for the wax to warm up, right? Yeah, about that. Okay. Now we got this wheel of pain. Leg, arm, chest, and back. Come on. I have no back hair. So she's going to be pulling skin off my back. Oh, come on. There's going to be a little hair right along the tail. Let me see. Actually, you got a little bit. What do you got? If you don't have any hair, you're better off. It won't hurt us because we're not pulling as much hair off. Yeah, it won't pull anything off. Are you pulling skin off then? No, it doesn't pull your skin off. They'll be crazy. You're going to love it. Am I? Only if I really don't like you. Please like me. Do you have any stuff that we could trim up the nose, or is that not with you? You do? Yep, I thought of that. You are so great. That is so great. All right, well, let's do this. Let's do this. Take a little time out. When we come back, we're going to wax Woods and Jay by spinning the wheel of wax. We'll be right back.
Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Text up 949mikey at gmail.com. Or call Mikey now, 570-1949. More coming up on FM 94.9. This is the FM 94.9. It's supported by our good friends at Sports Chalet. Hello there, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Friday night, you can see the Blackheart Procession at the Cows Bar. And Saturday night, it's the FM 94.9 Holiday Hoot Nanny. That's at USD's Jenny Craig Pavilion with Blackout Party, Delta Spirit, Matt and Kim, Two Door Cinema Club, and a full set from My Morning Jacket. Tickets for that at FM949SD.com. On the 6th, Peter Murphy and She Wants Revenge or... The Belly Up. Brunch with Bob presents Lee Scratch Perry at 4th and B on the 9th. The Adolescents and Youth Brigade play Brick by Brick on the 10th. And on December 12th, it is a rescheduled Boxer Rebellion show at the Cavs Spa. And still to come, Dinosaur Jr. with Henry Rollins. Pinback. No effects.
Wilco, Not a Surf, Young the Giant at Soma, and Craig Finn of the Hold Steady at the Casbah. So there you have it. We'll see you Saturday night at the Holiday Hoot Nanny. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at fm949sd.com. My favorite instrument is the triangle. My favorite flavor is caramel. My favorite animal is the seahorse. My favorite word is undulating. My favorite parent is my mom. Sorry, Dad. My favorite McCafe drink? I can't pick just one. Come take a fresh look at McCafe's luscious beverages made just for you with real whipped cream, rich chocolate, and drizzled indulgently with caramel. Whether it's the new caramel hot chocolate or an iced or hot caramel mocha, stop in today to find your new favorite, the simple joy of caramel at participating McDonald's. Listen to this. What? You know what? You better sit down. But we're in an elevator. Trust me. Sit down. Fine. Ow. Oh, sorry. It's okay. It's back. What's back? It. You mean? Yep. Awesome. Excuse me, what's back? McRib. Tender pork. Slathered and tangy barbecue sauce. Pickles. Onions. Toasted bun. I love McRib. Can I get your number? The McRib sandwich is back for a limited time. Just $2.79. Only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. Routines may be a little boring, but when it comes to your vehicle, wouldn't you rather avoid surprises? Routine maintenance will help you keep your car or truck running right.
To extend the life of your vehicle, change the oil and filter every 3,000 miles, flush and fill your antifreeze every two years, change your shocks every 50,000 miles, and check your battery and fluid levels every month. Your nearby O'Reilly Auto Parts store has the name brands, low prices, and helpful people to provide just what you need. If it's time to top off or flush and refill your cooling system, stop by your local O'Reilly Auto Parts store for Peak Long Life pre-mix antifreeze, $8.99 a gallon. It's pre-diluted for convenience, so there's no need to add water. Protect your engine with Peak Long Life. An AT&T phone or tablet is the perfect gift. And the AT&T holiday sale is the best time to get one. I mean, who doesn't like sending photos or downloading HD videos on the go? When you give someone a phone or tablet, they think, wow, this person really gets me. Suddenly, the two of you are bonded in a special warm way that will really come in handy when, say, you need someone to watch your cat, Mojo, or move a couch up a spiral staircase. Come to the AT&T Holiday Sale, and remember, you're not just getting a great deal on a phone or tablet, you're getting someone who will help repave your driveway. AT&T. Rethink Possible. Come in and save on the perfect gift from AT&T, like the Samsung Galaxy S2 4G smartphone, for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 for $479.99.
Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 requires a two-year agreement with minimum $35 monthly data plan. Samsung Galaxy S2 is free with a two-year voice agreement and minimum $15 monthly data plan. Other charges and restrictions apply. Visit att.com or store for details. That's the sound of the fuse burning. As long as it's burning, there's still time to get to the BMW Mission to Drive sales event on now at your local BMW center. While you can, take advantage of an up to $2,500 credit toward a new BMW. Hmm, those are real sparks. Test drive any model from the legendary lineup, including the all-new 6 series, featured in the new movie Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, in theaters this December. Technologically advanced and fuel-efficient, every BMW earns the title The Ultimate Driving Machine. That fuse is burning down remarkably fast. Take advantage of this immediately, as the $2,500 credit will soon self-destruct. There, I made it with two inches of fuse to spare.
Don't cut it that close. Come in today. Hurry into the BMW Mission to Drive sales event today for an up to $2,500 credit towards a new 2012 BMW. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance for details. For the holidays, you don't put out your everyday china. You take out the wedding china. And you prepare all your treasured holiday foods. Because the holidays are no time to compromise. Which is why on more and more tables across America, you'll find Boar's Head Sweet Slice Ham. Sweet Slice has become a holiday tradition. Because ordinary ham has no place at the holiday table. And there's simply no other holiday ham that offers anywhere near the quality and flavor of Sweet Slice. Sweet Slice is Boar's Head smoked bone-in ham without the bone. It's already cooked, so all you do is heat it up and carve. There's no trouble. There's no waste. Just applause. From all of us at Boar's Head to all of our friends across this wonderful country of ours, we wish you the happiest of holidays. Boar's Head. Compromise elsewhere.
Hurry in today and you can get the ZTE score for just $79.99 this holiday. It's a great deal and an even better gift. Now at a cricket store. Cricket, your call. Hey, Woodsy. Hi, Ella B. How you doing? I am well. You know, the holidays are almost here and I've treated myself to something and I kind of want to let everybody else in on it. It's the Ovation Cell Therapy Holiday Gift Set. This is a good idea for... Friends, family members. Absolutely. And you know what is a great stocking stuffer this year is the Men's Max Pack. I got to tell you, I've been using it. It's almost back to where I need it to be. And Ovation is only going to help it. It smells and feels so good on your hair. How great does my hair look? Oh, your hair looks great. It's perfect. I've been using it like crazy. You know, at first you were telling me about it. Then I saw my wife using it and I saw what was happening with her hair. And I said, man, I got to get in on this. So, guys, you should get one for yourself and maybe a buddy of yours. Absolutely. Brother. Dad, brother. There you go. Coworker. Yeah. So log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. And you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com. And remember to enter FM949 at checkout for a special introductory discount.
Traffic still quite busy on our local freeways. This report brought to you by USS Midway Museum. It's a party for lots and toys for tots aboard the USS Midway Museum. Join them for Family Day, December 3rd, 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. For info, go to www.midway.org. If you're taking the five, you're going to find quite a crowd right now on the northbound side between Highway 54 and Hawthorne Street. And it looks like you're going to be part of a crowd also on the 15 southbound from Highway 78. to Auto Parkway. 25 minutes now from Escondido to Mission Valley. This report also brought to you by Jiffy Lube. Hurry in before year end and save $25 on any oil change, tire rotation, and wiper blades. Plus save up to $20 on your second oil change with mail-in offer when you upgrade to Pennzoil Synthetic Motor Oil. Jiffy Lube. Keep my ride alive. Participating Jiffy Lube stores only. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. I've never been so happy. Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. It bothers me that I don't know how to be. Woods. That's why I don't eat that funk cheese that you eat. I eat Kraft American singles. Lauren. My obsession with black men came from Bill Cosby. Isn't it? Yeah. And Jay. Man, if I could just be a home dad. On FM 94.9.
Time for the real wax. Oh, yeah. My esthetician. Man, you know, you know, fellas, how most of us have estheticians. No. I, listen, I got, I got no, I got hair on my nose. And so, uh, you get this. You're a human. Yeah. Yeah. All guys do. Common trait. Okay. But this hair grows long and it will, I don't like, I don't like being gross. I would like to be clean and nice and fresh and all that. Wow. Gay. No, bro. I just like to go in there and clean out all the... Ella B's waving her head. Yes. No, it's neither one. I just like to have... You're very feminine. But I'm old woman. Listen, it's no big deal. Isn't it? Yes. You get hair growing in your ears when you get older. Yeah. I got these eyebrows like Oscar. Not anymore. I have old men that come in to see me too.
For their ears. Yeah. Wax out. Oh, I didn't know you did the ears. I can do your ears. We can do it today. Can we? Oh, man. My ears need to be done. Janae's the greatest. Janae. Where do you work, Janae? Arezzo Salon and Spa in Encinitas area. Encinitas Carlsbad area. It's like the corner of La Costa. Yeah. And Rancho Santa Fe Road. Yeah. There's like a CVS and behind that CVS is where you guys are. Yep. Now. She's going to do a thing for M1s. Any M1 that calls and makes an appointment with Janae will get 50% off. Wow. Now, Janae, what's the phone number? It's 760-634-2700. What? 760-634, right? Yes. What was the rest? 2700. 2700. All right, so any M1 that calls and makes an appointment with Janae, I want to squeeze them. 50% off. Jay, I get it. Lots on waxing and facials. I do facials, too. You do facials? All right. Cool. Gosh, Jay is a creep. He is such a creep. A good-looking girl can't come in here. I wasn't going to laugh, and then I heard.
Gosh. I heard Beavis behind me. I know. It's like working with Beavis. Her husband is listening. He's big and strong. He knows it. He is. He knows. He knows what? That you're a creep? She's a lovely lady. Yeah, he knows that's why I married her. That's why I married her. And her personality. Okay, Janae. What we're going to do is we're going to spin the wheel of wax and wherever it lands. Now, do we need more time? If we do, it's okay. We can let the wax melt. Let's see. What is that? How come one's blue and one looks like honey? One's caramel. Yeah, one looks like caramel. You've experienced both. I don't know what the difference is. This is the one that I use. The blue one. The hard one that gets hard. Jay! Hey, what do you expect him to do? It's a reflex. It's like when they hit your knee with a hammer. You can't not kick. Is it? That's all he's got is sex and fat. There's 14-year-old boys that are like, dude, you need to calm down. I mean, seriously, like get your hormones under control.
Okay, so the blue wax is real hard wax, and the other one, what is... So the blue one's for really sensitive skin. Okay. So places like up your nose. Okay. And then the other one, what color is the other one? The other one's gold. Okay, and that's... And it's called strip wax, and it's for big areas like your chest, arm, leg. My belly. Yes. My belly. And we are going to... We are going to wax leg, arm, chest, and back. Yeah. Two spins. They each do two spins. And by the way, Woods was like, gosh, man, I feel bad. I got to take my shirt off. And he goes, and they're going to be taping it. And I go, so Jay walks in. Jay walks in and I go, hey, Jay, you guys don't have to tape this. And it's not even out of my mouth. And Jay's like, oh, I'll tape. Hey. Hey. Do it. Tape it. I want it. Tape it. Come on. Do it. Do it. Come on. I want tape. Roll it. Roll film. It saves me the trouble of setting up a hidden one. He's so willing to take his clothes. Mike, listen, I don't have a problem, Mike. I thought this was like a hot yoga class. All right. So, Jay, you want to go first? Oh, Woods is going to go first. Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this over here. Go ahead. Woods. I'll do it again. Hold on.
Big money, big money. Big money, big money. And no whammies. Don't, Jay. Oh, God. Oh, leg. Leg. Leg. There's the most hair. He's going to wax his leg. All right. Ouch. Now, she's got the wax that does that. Now, if it needs to melt more, we can burn time. It's ready to go. Yeah, I mean, you know. It could get warmer, but we can do it like this. It's fine. Okay. And one more time. This is Janae. She waxes my nose. She waxes my eyebrows. You know, because if I don't, I look like Oscar the Grouch. I look like Oscar the Grouch. Yeah, come over here. Just so I don't still wax on this nice clean floor. All right. And Wood's going to sit down in a chair. Oh, yeah, that would be bad. It's going to sit down in a chair. And anybody that calls, it's what, I always forget, Aviso? Is that? Arizo. It's Arezzo, yeah. Arezzo. See, I never get it right. Arezzo, Arezzo, yeah. And the phone number there is 760-634-2700. And if you call and you get an esthetician appointment or a facial appointment with Janae and dudes, I tell you, dudes do it.
She'll clean you up, make you look good. My wife actually likes that I look, you know, clean. Yeah, she does. As one of my female clients says, she needs to get rid of her husband's catfish whiskers. See? That's what it looks like, man. If I don't do it, L-O-B-A. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That looks like honey. It does look like honey. Don't eat it. Oh, wow. Here she goes. She is putting... It looks like an icing cake. It looks like an icing cake. And she... I don't want to do this. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, too late. Let me tell you something. Can't wash. That ain't going to feel good. Oh, that's going to feel good. She's putting the swatch... Wait a minute. We got to get... Yeah, we got to get the microphone in. That was great. That was great. No. It's stinging. Give him a wide one. Here comes the big one. Here comes the big one. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, my gosh. He jumped out of the chair and jumped. His face is beet red. It is beet. Oh, it is beet red. Beet red. Woods asked her. My buttholes clenched. Woods asked her during the break, and he was not kidding. He goes, how'd you get into the sign of work, you sadist? And she goes. Kind of. All right, Jay. It is your turn to spin the wheel of wax. Here we go. Please be chest. Please be chest. He's got to do the same thing. Sit down, Jay. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Before we do anything. Before we do anything. Before we do anything. Janae, I have never been more serious in my life. I want you to pick the hairiest. part of that leg. I want you to search that leg. Payback. Oh, payback. Make that son of a gun bleed. Make him bleed. Find yourself the hairiest part of that leg tonight. She wants to find the hairiest part. She needs to keep going up that leg. I've seen it. Jay has a hairy leg. He's got a thatch.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. It's tingly. Oh, I bet. That's going to be great. Will this muscle mess with the wax in any way? Oh, really? Oh, really? With a flexing? It's a chicken muscle? I'm not flexing, Mikey. That's just natural. It's a chicken leg. It's three inches around, much like something else. Hey, I'll take three inches around. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Oh, gosh. That is going to hurt. That's the most hair I've ever seen waxed. Here we go. This is just like 40-year-old virgin when she gets a chest hair. Quiet, quiet. Oh, my gosh. You gotta see this, Harry. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's real good, though. Look at that. Holy mackerel. Oh, my gosh. Look how much it's on the screen. Let me see. Oh, wow. Let me see. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Dude.
All right, Woodsy, you get one more spin, buddy. One more spin. Man. You're listening to the Wheel of Wax. Jay and Woods are spinning the wheel. And whatever it lands on, they have to get waxed. Leg again. You shouldn't be able to do it again. You can't do the same one. Spin again. Different. Man. Oh, no. Back. Back. Back. Back. Back. Anywhere there's hair. Oh, wow. Oh, sure. Jay. Jay, come on. He tried to. Jay just pulled his pants down. He tried to. Come on, Jay. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Isn't he being humiliated enough? Now, this is a great part. Janae goes, can you please straddle this chair? That's the first time he heard that. Can you scooch up?
Tell him to leave me alone or not do it. Stop it, Jay. Leave him alone, Jay. God. Leave him alone. I'm going to clean his cloth. All right. So, Janae is looking for the hairiest part of his back. He doesn't really have a hairy back. That boy is hairless. You have a little bit of a tail. A blackhead thing. Ooh. She can take care of that, you know. Maybe you don't tell the whole radio population. She's like. I feel like I'm nude on the stage. You should. You should. Oh, she is caking it on, dude. Oh, yeah. She is beating you up. Okay, wait a minute. Here we go. Wait. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't cuss, Woods. Please don't. Get him good. Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing on that thing. I heard some tearing. He's a hairless wonder. Oh, God. It's like, oh, my gosh, that's funny. Oh, my gosh. All right, Jay. My face hurts from laughing.
Please be a hairy part of your body. Chest. Chest. Chest. Stop with the leg. I can't. It's weighted. Take your hand off. Take your hand away. Back. Back. All right, let's do it. Let's do it. This is going to be bad. I've got a tail. Wheel of wax. What's a tail? Wheel of Wax, you want to show your butt. He really wants to show his butt. I don't want to get on my pants. Dude, he just pulled his... Wow. What's ball-jectable? Ball squoze him. He squoze me. You squoze? I squoze him. He squoze. I've been trying to get rid of this tail for a while. What's a tail? Jay sat down and straddled. He purposefully pulled his pants down so she could see his butt. You've got to get that thing gone. Woo-hoo. Wow. Ain't that bad? I'm not that bad back there, am I tonight? That's good. Thank you. Oh, God. He has a hairy back. Oh, yeah, dude. I gotta hairy everything. Oh, wow. Oh, here we go. Next swath. Here it comes.
Oh, my God. Oh, stay there, she says. We'll do the other side. Oh, yeah. She's going to do the other side. Listen to his scream. Don't worry, Jerry. She's going to take care of you. Oh, it's hot, too. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm afraid. I don't know what she's doing. He has a lot of hair on that back. That tickles, whatever that is. He has a lot of hair on that back. Here she goes. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Here it comes. Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow. I think I'm getting used to it. Ow! No, I'm not. No, I thought it was. It's like an episode of Jackass. It's so funny. Oh my gosh, it's so funny. It's so funny. How long will that last, Janae? How long will that last? About three weeks. Y'all have to come back? Oh, my gosh. Wow. Oh, that was great. Oh, that's funny. That was so funny. My head hurts. Woods. Yes. How was that? It hurts. I have a new respect for ladies that do that all the time. We have much more sensitive areas. Yeah. Get used to it. I don't know how you do it. I don't know how you do it. And a good esthetician like Janae makes it quick and painless as possible. Yeah.
Janae, for me, my dad gave me the off-skirt, the grouch eyebrows. And I try trimming them, but I make it worse. So Janae does it. She should go to the salon. The other deal is she does, I just found out, she does ears too. So if you're a guy that looks like you have weeds growing in your ears. Take care of you. I actually enjoy the eyebrows. You do? It's relaxing to me. I don't know why. Yeah. And she's good at it. Man. She knows what she's doing. Okay, so. And if you make an appointment with Janae today. Gosh, that was so funny. And you say that you listen to the Mikey Show and that you're an M1. You'll get 50% off with Janae only today. Can't beat that. Phone number is 760-634-2700. And say. Hey, I want to make an appointment with Janae. Heard it on the Mikey Show. You're good to go. Bam. Was that fun? That was awesome. Are men bigger babies than women or what? 110%. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Yeah, and often I will be waxing someone's back and be like, are you okay? They're like, oh, yeah, I'm fine. And I look around and there's like.
Tears silently holding down. Oh, my gosh. That's great. Guys, we're wusses. They are. We're giant babies. Puts a nice smile on my face. Sure. Oh, that's the best. It was so funny during that break, Woods. So how'd you get in this line of work? You say it is? Yeah. Let's see. Oh, my goodness. We have so many areas that we can go. Let's do that. We'll do. Let's pull a that's a true statement. Wearing underwear is a waste of time. Jay, come on. It is such a waste of time. Great. Being hot is a hard job. Jay. It has nothing to do with being hot. Having a washboard of abs is something I was born with. It's unnecessary. That's a true statement. No, it's not unnecessary. I find it necessary. It's hygienic. It's hygienic. And it protects. From what? Chafing. Syphilis? Chafing. No. Chlamydia. You're doing it wrong. If you're wearing your jeans more than once and you're not wearing underwear, that's filthy. That's a hotbed of activity down in your crotchal region. I clean myself up real nice. I use lye soap, Mike. Yeah, Mike. Homemade. Homemade. We make it with bacon. Lye. Lye. And lime. An essence of jasmine. Who's jasmine? One more. That's a true statement. Oh, God. You ruined it, Jay.
First class passengers should always get on the plane last. That's a true statement. Why, L.O.B.? Because then you always have to walk past them. It's always in the front of the plane. We're all going the same place, right? Yeah. Why don't they get on? That area is reserved for them. We're not going to take up. Well, I say them. You're one of them, Mike. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. We're not going to take the overhead. And then we have to walk past you. I'm always afraid I'm going to hit you with my bag. Why do you need to be on first? All right. I'll tell you. As a person that has flown first class, and by the way, there was a time in my life I couldn't fly first class. Even if they bought me a ticket, I still couldn't have flown first class, all right? But as a first class guy, I don't pay any attention and never did. I'm going to my chair. I don't care. Everyone has to walk past you and they just look like, yeah, I know. You could take that a step farther. How? They need to have you in order.
If you're seating. So that if you're the very last person in the plane, you should be the very first person. I agree. And some airlines do that. It'd be perfectly timed because you'd walk in. Nobody would be stopping halfway down the rows. I'd be fine with it because, hey, listen, it gives me more time to hang out. Just chill out. Why do you want to get on that plane? That's why I don't know why everyone's in such a rush to get on the plane. The problem is now because of the... the baggage fees. Right. So everyone wants to carry on and they're afraid that they're not going to be able to get their bag on. Just don't kick my ass for being in first class. I mean, gosh darn, man. It's like the whole Occupy deal. It's like you're a bad guy if you've, you know, done well. If you like nice stuff. You're not a bad guy, but why do they get on first? That doesn't make any sense. Because they pay, well, they pay a lot of dough to get on there. Yeah, but why do you get on first? You paid for the privilege. You paid for the privilege. To get on first? Yeah, I like, I'm notorious for getting on the plane as early as I can because I like to set up my shop. I got to get my spit cup, my snuff, my laptop. I got to get everything ready. We got to walk past you. Question, L.O.B. Yes. Hey, you people at the concert, how come you get front row? I know. Because I'll tell you why. They paid extra dough to get up there. But I don't have to walk past you back to my...
That's true. You do come in from the back. That is true. I would be fine with that. I don't like walking past people and feeling like, sorry. Judge. She's right. I would be totally down. We should have a separate entrance for us lower class people. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I would be fine with a separate entrance for the first class. They do, actually. In some planes, they have the walk-in and split. I like those. I think that that is fine. I just think... They're always going to get on first, which means you're always going to, sorry, sorry, sorry, knocking into people. I do not feel bothered by anybody. God, I love first class. Anything that I got, I'm thankful for it, and I'm like, oh, man, I'm thankful, thankful, thankful. Is there anything greater than when you do get it? I've been upgraded a couple times. It's the greatest. I've never been in first class. Have you not? It's the greatest. You have to do it. 20, this is another, that's a true statement. Whoever is the author. Of this one, I believe, was just trying to get under my skin. Probably, which is a big part of this game and the fun of it. 21 is too old to be a virgin. That's a true statement. Of course. Of course Jay said that. Once you get to that point, now all of a sudden you've hung your hat on it and you've got to maintain it. What's hung? You know what hung is. Well, maybe you don't. Once you get to what point you've hung your hat on what?
Your wiener. Yeah. On the fact that you put all this emphasis on it, and now it's like there's too much pressure on being a virgin, and all of a sudden you're like, what do I do with it? How is there too much pressure? Trust me. How would you know? Then you're wearing it like a badge. I've talked to a lot of 21-year-old girls. When I was a young man. All I order is virgins. That's all I pay for. That is a weird, weird Tuesday. He's a weirdo. Let's see. I'm doing a study on virgin stuff in my spare time. One in five people have used a random liquid to clean something that a lot of us use. And it's weird. And wait till you hear the liquids that they've used. You're going to go, that can't be true. That can't be true. That can't be true. That can't be. But it's true. Back without the law. Pop it in. The Mikey Show. And turn it on. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. This is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. Only two days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus. With My Morning Jacket. Wake it up! Featuring Two Door Cinema Club.
Matt and Kim, Delta Spirit, and the Blackout Party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or fm949sd.com. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by SpyOpt. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM 94.9. This fall, Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow will bring you on a global tour of the perfect winter. Adjust your gear, take a deep breath, and shred, launch, spin, charge, like there's no tomorrow. Join Warren Miller cinematographer Tom Day as he shoots his first 800-inch California winter and captures incredible powder turns laid down in Squaw Valley by Johnny Mosley, J.T. Holmes, Michelle Parker, and more. India, Chile, New Zealand. Norway, it's all here. So get out there and buy tickets like there's no tomorrow. Because tickets are on sale now.
Check WarrenMiller.com for details. FM 94.9 welcomes Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow to the San Diego area this week with screenings in La Jolla, Carlsbad, and Encinitas. Ticket holders get buy one, get one free lift ticket offers to Heavenly and Mountain High and $25 off at Sports Chalet. Get your tickets at Ticketfly.com, select Sports Chalet stores, and at theater box offices. Check WarrenMiller.com for information. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's take a call. Jack. I'm kind of seeing this guy, but he only calls me at like 2 a.m. and says, hey, come over, let's do something. Does he like seasoned curly fries? Yeah. That's a foodie call. Huh? A foodie call. You know, it's really late, you're craving something, so you and your friends hit up my drive-thru for tacos or real ice cream shakes. Ah, that's a relief. I thought it was like his booty call. His what? Booty call. Who needs boots at 2 a.m.? Now you could wait. And wait. And wait a little longer. But why? It's time to grab your Christmas gift-giving list and head to Sports Chalet. Our gift-giving experts are standing by to help you find something for everyone on that list. In fact, you can go to SportsChalet.com and check out our Holiday Gift Center. It's a great way to find awesome gift ideas. So why wait? Tis the season to get to Sports Chalet. It's the holidays, 1939. Life is slower. Times are simpler. Stores don't put up their Christmas displays in September.
People have conversations instead of cell phones. You only have to juggle if you're in the circus. It's the holidays, 1939. And a new family business named Dietz & Watson is about to spend 72 years preparing your holiday party. The one you're planning right now in 2011, they've been perfecting over four generations. Dietz & Watson's premium meats and artisan cheeses, like London broiled roast beef, are full of juicy, natural flavor. Their party trays and holiday hams make holiday hosting easy. The recipes are from a simpler time. That's why they're simply delicious. Dietz and Watson, since 1939. Insist on us for your premium party trays and holiday hams. And happy hosting days to you and yours. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl they've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones. And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking. Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now, I'm all.
Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades, and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. Tis the season for large seedless holiday grapes, but you can't find them just anywhere. unless you stop by Albertsons, where right now they're picked at peak freshness and piled high. Make your holiday fresh at Albertsons. Traffic's been heavy all morning on The Five. This report brought to you by IHOP. Try IHOP's holiday hotcakes starting at just $4.99. Get in the spirit with white chocolate chip mint, pumpkin, praline, or sweet eggnog and make it an IHOP day for a limited time at participating restaurants. If you're taking the five southbound, it's jamming up between Palomar Airport Road and Manchester. Still a 35-minute drive from Oceanside to the Split. And I'm seeing a lot of heavy traffic right now still on the 15 southbound from Carmel Mountain Road to Highway 56.
This report also brought to you by Navy Federal Credit Union. Member Mall is Navy Federal's exclusive online shopping mall where your rewards get mega multiplied. Go to NavyFederal.org to get started. I'm Barbara Brooks, FM 94.9. San Diego. This, The Mikey Show. With Mikey. I wear like a 44 small. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm very clumsy. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. Oh my God. On FM 94.9. and his nostrils waxed as we speak. My nostrils are nice and clean. Oh, yeah. Good to go. Filthy. What? What's not filthy about your guys' nose hair? Oh, yeah. That's why I like to get rid of it. Maybe I'll make that right after Jay's gone. Dude, I'm telling you, man. I've done it before. I don't like having hair in my nose. I like it being nice and smooth and clean. Save that clip.
Just save that. Isolate it and save it. Workplace is fine. It doesn't bother me. Glad you asked. It's not like we're doing our grundles. You know what I mean? We're just getting our nose cleaned up. Not like I'm sitting here in the stirrups. Janae, make this right. Now that would be an experience. Alright, I told you I'd get back to this. The most shoplifted items. Polo cologne. Oh, wait. I want to hear him. Are you going to pull? I pulled it too soon. Oh, you did? Oh, boy. That's what she said. Don't worry. We'll get it out of there. I won't leave you hanging. One of America's most shoplifted items is polo cologne. Oh, this list is from 1982. It is from 1982. I wonder why polo. Gosh, remember the green polo? The green bottle. It's still out there, man. Oh, yeah, it is.
Axe body spray. It is the most stolen brand of deodorant, body wash, and body spray. It's Ask body spray. Gillette Mach 4 razor blades. Of course. They account for two. Did she just get them? See, to me, it's nothing now. You don't even make a peep. No, man. I've been doing. Get used to it. Did you get them? Oh, I bet. Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Oh, is it still setting? Tell us when you're ready. Here we go. I'm just going to pull his nose hair. Oh, wow, wow, wow. She throws, she doesn't look at it. She throws it right in the garbage. Gets right in the garbage. I kind of want to see it. Oh, gosh, Jay. Oh, no, Jay, that's mine. Oh, you son of a bitch. I will go to HR. Oh, boy. I will go to HR.
The HR bit. I will. Thank you. How are those eyebrows, L.O.B.? You're the only one not tortured today. I'm okay. Oh, wow. Felt real good. You are a clown, Jay. Don't worry, Woods. We don't need you at the end. What is wrong with you guys? Woods is getting his nose hairs waxed. Oh, my gosh. All right, L.O.B., you can help me out here. Come on. All right. The other thing that is stolen, these are the top ten things that are stolen, just to run them down. Nikes, Chanel No. 5, Let's Rock Elmo, Polo, Axe Body Spray, Gillette Mach 4 Razor Blades, No. 4, iPhones. What? How do you steal an iPhone? I don't know. They keep them in the back. I don't know how you steal them. It must be the fall off the truck bit. What would? Go to your house. Get it because you have a lot of iPhones and Apple products. Yeah. Number three, small electric tools. Now that makes sense. Yeah. That makes sense. It's actually stole more than a... It's stole more by... Stolen. Why can't I say that word? Stolen. Stolen. It's always stole or stolen. It's never stole. Stole sounds right to me. Never right. Never.
Number two, expensive liquors. Mikey. Mikey's recovering alcohol. I'm recovering, so I don't still drink. It's been years. The number one most stolen item. There you go. Jay, when I say this, you need to please be quiet and not say anything. Don't make a sex joke. Don't make a sexual joke. Don't make any kind of, you don't have to say anything. A lot of pressure on one guy. The number one most stolen item is luxury meat. Really? Laughing is just as bad. It's the same thing. God. Luxury meat? What is that? Like an expensive log of salami. For instance. For instance. Yes, Lauren. Luxury meat. Like an expensive log of salami.
It's probably the most stolen because guys just stick it in their pants and then people think they're perverts and they want them to leave. No, Lauren. Nobody's ever done that before. Like, look at that guy. Pitching a tent. Get him out of here. Yeah, get him out of here. Meanwhile, luxury meat in the pants. What is luxury meat? I just told you. A sloppy look. Is that luxury? Luxury meat. Like a luxury item. Luxury meat. Sounds like a band's name. Yep. Filet mignon. Filet mignon. Filet mignon. That's a luxury meat. It's a luxury meat. I gotcha. Sirloin. Just meat. Sirloin. No, sirloin is actually good. Tri-tip. My nickname. Good stuff. Ground chuck. Was it? Was it really your nickname in high school? What? Thin Dong? Luxury meat. I think you were right the first time, Wood. Thin Dong. Yes. I'll show it to you. Popsicle stick. Husky pencil. You guys are just jealous. Stick. Don't be jealous. Pipe cleaner. Lip gloss, even though it wasn't invented yet. Orange pipe. It's a pipe for a miniature city in a miniature town.
In a miniature planet, in a miniature solar system. The thing that twists at the top of the bread bag. It was twisty tie. Yeah, that was his nickname. Oh, they also would call him shoelace. Oh, my gosh. Or spaghetti. Spaghetti. Angel hair. No, just angel hair. Easy angel hair. Easy angel hair. Nobody posts to our Facebook page a picture of Angel Hair Spaghetti saying identical J. Don't do that. Why would you do that? Now, the reason for all of this. Jay likes to pee on fairways. That's a true story. That is a true story. Woods likes to look at it longingly. He has a very thin wiener, and he stretches it out. Which is weird. No one does that. No one does that. All these things are not true. No guy does that. He pinched either side of it and pulled it away from his body. That's so strange. I think it was a telephone cord. Yeah, like you stretch it. Or like you're milking an udder. No, no, no. Yeah, like that.
You think you can see better with those good eyes you have. See perfectly. Or also another way that you could look at it is pretend that you had just put a balloon into a vice and you were stretching the balloon out. Say you were a clown and you were trying to make a balloon animal. Yeah, a balloon animal. You got to stretch out the balloon first. That's what he was doing. Yeah. And I saw it with my own eyes. And by the way, I do have 20-15 vision. That's right. Thanks to Dr. Sandy T. Felton. At Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. That's right. Affordability, technology, and experience. That's right. Well, there they were out on the golf course, or as Jay likes to call it, the golf course. And he decided he was going to relieve himself on the golf course. As many people do. No. Yes. Mikey, you wouldn't know. In woods? I don't know about you. Hey, bro, I've been playing golf since I was 10, and I've never seen somebody urinate in the middle of the fairway or the green. Call it, fellas. Now, I've seen them in the side of the woods, and I've done it in the side of the woods. Yeah, bears. Bears do it. Bears, deer, elk. No. These are the various. Men will go wherever they need to go. That's just the way it is. The people that go are registered. Yeah. Exactly.
You get licensed to do it when you're on a golf course. You get registered on a site. Yes. Findaperv.com. M1 San Diego from San Diego. What's going on? Hey, what you guys are describing is called a batwing. Yes. Wait, wait, wait. It's like batwing, but instead of the berries, it's the twig. What's a batwing? A batwing is when you take the berries and you make a batwing. It looks like a bat's wings. Yes, but he's doing the twig. Yeah. He's doing it to the frank, not the bean. He's holding the khaki back. A buddy of mine used to pull that trick out all the time. You know, like in that movie restaurant or something where they used to pull the goat. Yeah, the goat. Woods did it to me. Yeah, I did the gum on my shorts a bit. I didn't like it. I thought it was hideous. I've seen a lot of those tricks. That's not what we're talking about. No. We're talking about him just going to the restaurant. So it's okay to do... At a party. At a party. Yes, or to your wife. But out on a golf course where you're standing beside a golf cart where nobody can see you, it's not appropriate. Yes. Oh! Go in the woods! It's a parlor trick. Oh! You'll do it out in public. Go in the woods. You'll do it in the comfort of your own home for your friends. What about when you pull over to the side of the road? That's also illegal. Right by your vehicle? Oh, it happens all the time.
Happens all the time. Not the way you stretch it. Illegal. You've never seen it, so. I've heard it. Yeah, you heard from one clown who doesn't know what he's talking about. Doesn't he? Yeah, he doesn't. Take a listen. Christmas in Rockefeller Center. Oh, beautiful. Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Bieber. Wait a minute. You're supposed to be playing the Justin Bieber clip. It is. It is the Justin. That's a girl. No, that's a guy. Justin. Brian Perry. No, it's Justin Bieber. He's a guy. I think you got your wires crossed. No, no, no. I'm playing Justin Bieber. Is that Alicia Keys? No, no, no. It's Justin Bieber. Woods is wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt, right? Yeah. It's your boy. It's your boy, Justin Bieber, Woods. I'll belt with that kid if I ever meet him. I'm telling you. As soon as he goes through puberty, he's not going to be able to sing anymore.
He better enjoy it. Nice beaver. Woods, if you ever met him, he'd be starstruck. You're out of your mind. He'd be starstruck. He's such a big star. Big deal. You'd probably hit on him thinking he was a girl. You'd get an autograph. You'd want your picture taken with him. I guarantee you I wouldn't. Here's another one. Christmas in Rockefeller Center. Michael Bubble. Booble. For Christmas. Gosh darn it. I love the way this dude sings. Can count on me. What else? All right, all right, all right. Christmas is by the tree. Yep, yep, yep, spit it out. Yeah, just drag that song out a little longer. Christmas is coming. It's going to find me. Yeah, it is. It's taking too long. Stab me in the eye.
Dragging it out. That means the ears. Yeah, the ears, preferably. Does anyone know who Javier Colon is? Oh, he's a pitcher. Javier Colon? Colon? I never heard of him. Maybe Colon. No, that's C-O-L-O-G-N-E. And this is spelled C-O-L-O-N. So, Javier Colon. Colon? Colon. Javier Colon. Performing the song. Have you had your colon checked, Mike? Yeah. Have your colon checked. Have your colon checked. Have your colon checked at least once a year. Javier. Javier. Javier. Javier colon checked. Javier colon checked. Singing it's the most wonderful time of the year. Is it? Son of a bee. It's the most wonderful time. Thank you, Javier. Thanks, Javier Colon. Thank you so much. They're laughing. Background. Inappropriate. Nobody just told them a joke. This is the X Factor guy, isn't it? I believe it is. Yeah, look up Javier Colon. Don't look up just Colon, though. Javier Colon. Checked. Regularly. Here is Catherine McPhee. I like her voice. Why are you such a downer? Why are you hating on Christine McPhee? I mean, what does she do to you?
What's that have to do with Christmas? I don't know. Hey guys, Merry Christmas. I'm about to do Ace of Spades by Motorhead. Everybody settle in. You just singing random songs or maybe you sing a Christmas carol. Maybe Christmas is a beautiful time of year. Has anyone ever knocked on your door? I am beautiful. The whole chorus of little kids singing Christina Aguilera. That's a good point. I'll just knock on doors and cheer and go. Hey, I'm about to do some Everlong. Are you ready? Hey, what? It's just a good song. I like it. I've waited here for you. Merry Christmas. They turn her microphone off, and they're like, what are you doing? What are you doing? It's in karaoke. Yeah, you don't just get to sing what you want. Hey, Margaritaville, get off the stage. And our old favorite, old Uncle Neil. No way! He sang a little Joy to the Lord. Shut up. Don't sing with me. In every soap. Let everyone. Let everyone. Come hear the sound. Joy. I said joy to the world. Create. Just sing. Reborn. Let everyone.
And heaven and nature sing. Don't sing with me. I need more trouble. Gosh, darn it. How roadies do we have? Don't sing along with me. It throws me off. Don't do that. I said don't do that. You've got to turn his bass way down. Don't sing with me, kids. Kids. Turn his mic off while the kids sing. Kids. Shut down world and fields and food. And food is what we like. And food is what we eat. And food is what we eat and stuff. Mikey or Neil? Who's Neil? Neil Diamond's brother, Neil. I hate you. I hate you too. You tried to pull my pants down earlier. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in the woods when Jay came up behind you and pulled your pants down. He tried. They were tied on. Thank God. Or everybody would have gotten a flash. Again. Again. Let's see. These are some of the things that you should not be eating. And it's this time of year kind of stuff. Gingerbread. Don't eat it.
Who eats gingerbread? Oh, dude, I love it. When it's soft, soft gingerbread, not hard gingerbread cookies. Right. I hate that. Oh, yeah. Soft gingerbread. Oh, dude, that taste is so delicious. Tons of flour, though, sugar, buttermilk, one piece of it, 260 calories, 12 grams of fat. Holy cow. Yeah. Peanut brittle. It's not good. It's so good. No problem keeping me away. Corn syrup, sugar, butter. You don't like peanut brittle? No. Communist? Communist. It's weird. 150 calories, five grams of fat. If you have three pieces of peanut brittle, it's like eating a double cheeseburger at McDonald's, but with a little less fat. So basically, I know I'm killing people right now. You have three pieces of peanut brittle this holiday season? You're eating a double cheeseburger at McDonald's. You could do both. Just for five minutes if you just gave the guy a break. Just for five minutes if you just gave your friend Woods. Four hours of torture. Number three, the peppermint white chocolate mocha at Starbucks. It only has 540 calories in it. Only? 540 calories. Stick with the basics. It's a good solid.
45 minutes on the treadmill at full speed. Oh, yeah. How about the gingerbread latte at Dunkin' Donuts? That's got 330 calories. How many grams of sugar are in it? Take a guess. 100. Oh. 400. No, that's crazy. Oh, okay. 30. See, I know sugar. I don't know sugar. I do because if I have anything over 15 grams of sugar, I get sick. Well, I know narcotics, so I was thinking gram-wise of narcotics. That's what I was thinking. It's got 51 grams of sugar, which is more than a can of Coke. Cocaine. A whole can of cocaine. This one kills me because every holiday party you go to has it. Swedish meatballs with little toothpicks. They're small. Can't hurt you, right? Right. Well, if you eat one of them, you can easily be ingesting 400 calories. L.O.B. looked like her day was just lost. Like I ruined her day. No, I don't eat those things. You don't? Not even when they're turkey? Nobody really makes those, but it's the holidays. Come on, you're going to eat bad stuff. L.O.B., the way that I've lived my life, and probably Mike too, is that we treat 365 days a year.
Hey, it's just the holidays. I can have a Big Mac. It's no big deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw in a milkshake, too. Why not? Well, see, you've got to think about what they're throwing in there. Bread, butter, heavy cream, usually some kind of a beef broth that has a lot of salt in it. Is there anything better than heavy cream in anything? It's so good. If heavy cream's in something, it's great. Heavy cream and white wine and garlic and butter. What other things would you find heavy cream in? Any kind of sauce. Almost every sauce that tastes good. Hollandaise sauce. Hollandaise. Delicious. L.O.B. likes sugar cookies. Nope. Nope. I love them. Me too. They're not as bad as some cookies, but average sugar cookie has 200 calories and 14 grams of sugar. One cookie? But check it out, L.O.B. One cookie still has less sugar in it than that freaking gingerbread latte at Dunkin' Donuts. Who eats one cookie, though? Nobody. Nobody has multiple lattes. Woods, I'm sorry. Pecan pie is killing. I've killed it. Yeah. Killed it over Thanksgiving. Four pieces, I think. Did you? Yeah. 2,000 calories in those four pieces. 2,000 calories in those four pieces. There are 500 calories in a piece. My boyfriend, Matt Commerce, brought three pies to Thanksgiving. I'm not quite sure why. Why?
I don't know. He was in charge of getting a dessert and he brought three pies, which one slice of three pies was eaten by anyone at the party. He brought the pecan pie home. Yeah. Ate the whole thing. Oh, wow. Good boy. Look at him. The whole thing. The whole thing. 500 calories a slice, 37 grams of fat, 26 grams of sugar. Holy crap. Better off eating apple pie. It only has 25% the fat that a pecan pie has in it. Candy canes. Candy canes are basically sugar. Yeah, straight sugar. Straight sugar. Real bad for you. One candy cane, even the small one, 60 calories. Wow. At least they last a long time. Not with me. Not with me. Shoot right through them. Like peppermints. I make them all sharp and stab the back of my throat by accident. What the hell's nog? You know, egg nog. Egg. But what's nog? What's nog?
That's so gross sounding. Short for noggins. Can you just make a fake sense? Like Kenny Noggins. That's Kenny Loggins. A cup of eggnog has 350 calories. It's old English, Mike. It was eggnoggins back then. It shortened it. Have you ever tried eggnog without alcohol? Yeah. Still tastes like it has booze in it. Yeah, it does. Doesn't matter. It's a nutmeg, I think. Still tastes like it has booze. Nothing. Sorry to ruin your day with that. I mean, I already ruined it with Javier Colon, and then I had to... Come on strong with the other one. We're going to tell you one of Jay's bad ideas. Really? Every week he's got one. We'll tell you what yesterday's was.
More from the Mikey Show coming up on FM 94.9. Only two days to go. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny. Presented by Coors Light. This Saturday night on the University of San Diego campus. With my morning jacket. Featuring Door Cinema Club. Matt and Kim. Delta Spirit. and the blackout party. Tickets are on sale now. Get yours at tickets.com, the Jenny Craig Pavilion box office on the USD campus, or fm949sd.com. The FM 94.9 Holiday Hootenanny 2011 is presented by Coors Light and supported by Spy Optics. Join us this Saturday night for an epic evening of music with FM 94.9. State of denial is a drag and a trial. When I bought my cheap insurance, should have known this day would come. Now I've had an accident and I'm feeling quite alone. Called them at least 20 times, but they won't pick up the phone. Without personal service, my policy's kind of worthless. Guess I should have stayed at State Farm. That's right. I didn't think, cause they're probably all the same. Told myself, who needs top shelf? Now I'm questioning my...
Mental health. Maybe they can take me back. I hope it's not too late to get to a better state. State Farm. Don't put yourself in a state you'll regret. Call 1-877-249-7993 today. Channel 4's San Diego. Your home for Aztecs football. Catch super sophomore Ronnie Hillman and record-setting quarterback Ryan Lindley as they set their sights on the Mountain West Championship. Don't miss a minute of live gridiron action as the Aztecs battle Fresno State, 5 p.m. Saturday on Channel 4 San Diego. Everything Aztecs, everything Chargers. The Saquon Casino postgame show, weeknights at 10 on Channel 4 San Diego. For the holidays, you don't put out your everyday china. You take out the wedding china. And you prepare all your treasured holiday foods. Because the holidays are no time to compromise. Which is why on more and more tables across America, you'll find Boar's Head Sweet Slice Ham. Sweet Slice has become a holiday tradition. Because ordinary ham has no place at the holiday table. And there's simply no other holiday ham that offers anywhere near the quality and flavor of Sweet Slice.
Sweet Slice is Boar's Head smoked bone-in ham without the bone. It's already cooked, so all you do is heat it up and carve. There's no trouble, there's no waste, just applause. From all of us at Boar's Head to all of our friends across this wonderful country of ours, we wish you the happiest of holidays. Boar's Head, compromise elsewhere. Founder of Jack in the Box, let's take a call. Jack, I'm kind of seeing this guy, but he only calls me at like 2 a.m. and says, hey, come over, let's do something. Does he like seasoned curly fries? Yeah. That's a foodie call. Huh? A foodie call. You know, it's really late, you're craving something, so you and your friends hit up my drive-thru for tacos or real ice cream shakes. Ah, that's a relief. I thought it was like his booty call. His what? Booty call. Who needs boots at 2 a.m.?
I bought a Tempur-Pedic Cloud to compare it to my new Jerome Signature-Pedic Royale. The Tempur-Pedic has three inches of memory foam. My Signature-Pedic has three inches of memory foam. Both have cool airflow technology and stretch covers that remove for washing. The big difference in these queen sets? The Tempur-Pedic Cloud costs a whopping $19.99. My Jerome Signature-Pedic Royale is just $8.99. $1,100 less. Hard to believe, but true. And you'll sleep a lot better knowing you saved $1,100. The new Jerome Signature-Pedic. I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl they've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones. And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G. Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking. Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now. I'm old. Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com.
Every Mini has always offered iconic style, go-kart handling, and exhilarating performance. Now there's the Mini Countryman. It has all the things that makes a Mini a Mini, and a little bit more. It's bigger, so there's more than enough space for your next big adventure, and it's also the first Mini with four doors. There's even available all-wheel drive. You even get three-year, 36,000-mile, no-cost maintenance included. The Mini Countryman. It's just a little bit more Mini to love. Learn more and arrange for a test drive at miniofsdcounty.com. They say it's better to give than to receive. Well, at Navy Federal, we found a way to do both. With our new Navy Federal Visa Cash Rewards credit card, you can buy something nice for someone else and get cash back to spend smartly however you choose. And with low rates, no caps on the amount of rewards received, and no expiration on rewards, you get the most out of every dollar you spend. So now you can give a little and receive a lot with rewards that really add up. To find out more, visit NavyFederal.org. Tell me, what'd the world look like to you when you first opened your eyes? Mikey Show. Mikey. The reason I've never been comfortable around kids, I'm always petrified they're going to go, you're short and fat. You don't skimp on hair products. You don't skimp on haircuts. You don't skimp on DJs, designer jeans. And you don't skimp on your teeth. Lauren. Yep, I admit when I'm wrong. And Jay. They will eat my edamame if I leave it out too long. On FM 94.9. So, one in five people.
Have used a random liquid. Including beer. Coke. Butter. Butter? Probably because it's slimy. I've used my own spit before. Yeah, everybody whose context has. Yeah. If it falls out. Man, you spit on it in your mouth. Rub it in your hand. It's the same thing as your tears. Get all the barnacles off of it. Yep. Yeah. I've put it in a glass of water overnight before. If you get stuck at someone's house, I've put it in a glass of water and put salt in it. Oh my God, to make saline. Yeah, you know, sleep at some girl's house in college and you're like, we gotta take these out. You do that or you sleep with them in and then the next morning you're like...
They're crusted to your eye. I've slept with them in and then gone to the sink and taken like a handful of water and been like throwing it in there. That's why I'm glad I got laser. Me too. It's the best. Hey, if you want to, you should. With Dr. Sandy T. Feldman at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Affordability, technology, and experience. And you know, here's the thing too. Jay had a really, really bad idea yesterday. Weird. What you say is bad. I think it's excellent. Maybe I'll do it myself. What's egg-cellent? It's like excellent. Even better. But it's a holiday version, like eggnog. It's like when you're making a pun about eggs. Yes, that's egg-cellent. Which wouldn't fit in this case. Right. Now, yesterday, Jay said that we should have a Christmas bikini fun run. And I looked at him like he was a Martian. L-O-B laughed. Wood stared at him. Yep. Be fun. Everybody out there in their Speedos.
Yeah. Bikinis? I mean, it'd be hot. It would be hot in December. Do like a little 5K? You don't know what that is. How about a no K? He just wants to see people in bikinis. Doesn't everybody? In any way he can. All shapes and sizes. Nobody would run in a bikini. Everything bounces. Yeah, they would. He wants to see us in like a bathing suit running shirtless. Humiliate us. Yeah, he wants to humiliate us. You could run into one piece. That'll be. It's not a bikini. Yeah, it's called a bikini fun run. That was your idea, Jay. Yeah, but I mean, it's, you know, you could take a swimsuit then. The swimsuit fun run. Yeah, guys. Hey, join us. December 14th. They do the lingerie run. People running lingerie. Where?
They do it over at the SDSU. They do it every year. You know a lot about this. Gosh, he knows a lot about it. In San Francisco, they do the red dress. I think they even do a bikini one up there. It's not unheard of. Maybe I'll do my own. Fundraiser for myself. It should be cool. It would be awesome. Just watching you out there running. Me by myself. Say it. What? There would be a lot of people doing it. What would you say before? I say it wouldn't just be me doing it by myself. Jay. Do we really sound like the bikini fun run? Absolutely. We're fun. We're fun. We're hip. We're young. We're a bikini. Or a bathing suit. He's so weird. Yeah, he is. He's a sex pervert. He's a sex pervert. Now, if I said, hey, let's have a spaghetti eating contest, you'd be like, what's spaghetti? Spaghetti? I just did a bike. Save the clip where he just said, it's just a spaghetti. Save that. That'll be a good clip to one day play back, just like playing this one back. We've got a brand new one of Jay that we haven't premiered yet. Where for out thou? It's perfect. It's Shakespeare in the Park. Where for out thou? Where for out thou? Where for out thou? Yeah, that's what I said. Where for out thou? Here's the interesting part. You have to be naked.
I think that makes perfect sense. It sounds like a five-year-old with a speech impact. Well, for out thou. Well, for out thou. Hi, Wallen. Hi, Wallen. You're weird. I believe it sounds like a child that's just lost a tooth. Well, for out thou. I think it sounds perfect. You guys are highly critical. Oysters. Oysters. There you go. There it is. She gets put in the general populace, whatever it's called. General populace. Sorry, I installed it. I missed my favorite part, Jay. When he corrects himself. When he corrects himself and then figures out. There we go. Hopefully she gets put in the general populace, whatever it's called. General. Populous. There, I gotta know. General Populous? Oh, I think I just pulled a muscle. Oh, God. I love it so much. It's the General Populous. There we go. General Populous. I think it's General Population, Jay. Yes. Gen Pop. Gen Pop. Gen Pop. Let's keep it simple. It's that time of year, ladies and gentlemen.
Sweatered up, real good. Yeah, Cosby sweater, real good. Cosby sweater, real good. What's well? What's a sew belt? What's a sew belt? What's a sew belt? Have you ever practiced this one time? Never. Not one time. First run through. This is a guy that was in a coma for 42 years, and this is the first thing that left his vocal cords.
So sharp. Open. The song. Take it down. It's almost like flying on a magic carpet. Divine. It's just cool. What are you dreading? Holiday season? What are you dreading? 570-1949. What is it about this time of year that you're like? Through my clothes and found my cleanest, dirtiest shirt. A screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world by the tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Yeah, boy!
On FM 94.9. Saturday, December 10th, Jobs for Autism. We'll be presenting a benefit concert to give voice to autism in the workplace. If you like Jimmy and you like Willie, you're going to love Lucas Nelson and Promise of the Real. Come see the next Legend of Rock and Roll. Saturday, December 10th at the North Park Theater on University Avenue. Tickets available online at jobsforautism.com. That's jobsforautism.com. My favorite instrument is the triangle. My favorite flavor is caramel. My favorite animal is the seahorse. My favorite word is undulating. My favorite parent is my mom. Sorry, Dad. My favorite McCafe drink? I can't pick just one. Come take a fresh look at McCafe's luscious beverages made just for you with real whipped cream, rich chocolate, and drizzled indulgently with caramel. Whether it's the new caramel hot chocolate or an iced or hot caramel mocha, stop in today to find your new favorite, the simple joy of caramel at participating McDonald's. Listen to this. What? You know what? You better sit down. But we're in an elevator. Trust me. Sit down. Fine. Ow. Oh, sorry. It's okay. It's back. What's back? It. You mean? Yep.
Awesome. Excuse me, what's back? McRib. Tender pork. Slathered in tangy barbecue sauce. Pickles. Onions. Toasted bun. I love McRib. Can I get your number? The McRib sandwich is back for a limited time. Just $2.79. Only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. Cricket presents Obvious Life Choices, where making a good choice is also an easy choice. Take Holiday Carolers. You can go with, is that the best you got? Or, that rocks a lot. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited lameness? Or unlimited music. Starting at $55 a month, Cricket gives you nationwide talk, text, and data, plus unlimited music downloads from Move Music, all on the latest Android-powered smartphones like the ZTE Score. Now just $79.99 with no contract. The choice just makes itself, so score a great gift this season. Cricket, your call. Limited time offer requires new activation. See store for planned data usage and coverage details. Terms and conditions apply.
Hurry in today and you can get the ZTE score for just $79.99 this holiday. It's a great deal and an even better gift. Now at a cricket store. Cricket, your call. Routines may be a little boring, but when it comes to your vehicle, wouldn't you rather avoid surprises? Routine maintenance will help you keep your car or truck running right. To extend the life of your vehicle, change the oil and filter every 3,000 miles. Flush and fill your antifreeze every two years. change your shocks every 50,000 miles, and check your battery and fluid levels every month. Your nearby O'Reilly Auto Parts store has the name brands, low prices, and helpful people to provide just what you need. If it's time to top off or flush and refill your cooling system, stop by your local O'Reilly Auto Parts store for Peak Long Life Pre-Mix Antifreeze $8.99 a gallon. It's pre-diluted for convenience, so there's no need to add water. Protect your engine with Peak Long Life Pre-Mix Antifreeze for $8.99 a gallon at O'Reilly Auto Parts, the official auto parts store of NASCAR. Parts. Better prices every day. Limit supply. See store for details. Hey, Woodsy. Hi, Ella B. How you doing? I am well. You know, the holidays are almost here, and I've treated myself to something, and I kind of want to let everybody else in on it. It's the Ovation Cell Therapy Holiday Gift Set. This is a good idea for friends, family members. Absolutely. And you know what is a great stocking stuffer this year is the Men's Max Pack. I got to tell you, I've been using it. It's almost back to where I need it to be, and Ovation is only going to help it.
It smells and feels so good on your hair. How great does my hair look? Oh, your hair looks great. It's perfect. I've been using it like crazy. You know, at first you were telling me about it. Then I saw my wife using it and I saw what was happening with her hair. And I said, man, I got to get in on this. So, guys, you should get one for yourself and maybe a buddy of yours. Absolutely. Brother. Dad, brother. There you go. Coworker. Yeah, so log on to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout, and you're going to get a special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com, and remember to enter FM949 at checkout for a special introductory discount. Hi, I'm Annie, and I work at Guitar Center. Now's the time to get them a gift they won't forget, because at Guitar Center, it's like Black Friday never ended. Guitar shoppers are really in luck. It's our annual guitar-a-thon, with the year's deepest discounts on top-name brands, including Gibson, Fender, Taylor, and Martin. Save up to 70% off list, but we've also got doorbuster deals in every department, like Harbinger PA Systems, just $149, and Remo Drumheads, 60% off list. The best price and advice at Guitar Center. Sports Chalet!
Ride Style. It's about true friends and family coming together 19 years ago to create an iconic snow brand. Sure, the ride team has ridiculous fun, but along the way, they create some of the best gear on the mountain. At Sportchalet, we appreciate that dedication to fun and innovation. And that's why you'll find rides, snowboards, bindings, boots, and outerwear at Sportchalet. Stop by and let our experts show you what Ride Style is all about. Anytime you're ready. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. Woods. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I bite into it, it goes, Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls trip and I'll go on like a surf trip or something. But if I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9.
Got to make a stop by Ulta, the cosmetics store today. Get myself some mattifiers so my face isn't shiny. Get that clip, L-O-B. Wow. Save it. Yeah, I mean, it is something that I do. Yeah. I feel like sometimes, Mike, you should not always think out loud. Yeah. We're amongst friends. But you're also on the radio. Yeah. Which means... Yeah, friends, you know? Yeah, yeah. There's guys that are, you know, doing construction right now that are listening and they're like, wow. They might be doing construction on Qualcomm and it's being broadcast over speakers and echoing. Yeah, but maybe, hey, if anything, I help them to feel more manly. That's fair enough. That's not fair enough. That's fair enough. It's not. It's the opposite of fair enough. It's unfair. It's an unfair statement. Nice beaver. M1 Mike from San Diego. What do you dread about this time of year?
Hey, good morning, Mike. Good morning. Hey, I don't really dread this. You know what really gets me is during the holidays, I hate getting mass or group text messages saying, Happy Thanksgiving. Yes. I used to do it, and now I'm like, I see through you. I don't do it. I don't do it. And when I get it, I know what it is. You texted all of us on the show, but that's it. It wasn't a big mass. It was you guys. Yeah, that's it. And I said to you guys, I was like, hey, you guys. That's not mass. That's not. No. Mass is when you do everybody in your phone. Oh, it's a beating. Yeah, exactly. You know what? If you really care about me and you really love me, send me a personal one or better yet, it's a phone call. Call me. Say, hey, bro. Happy Thanksgiving, man. Hope you and yours are well. LLB Woods has me tripping out that, you know, like, did I do something wrong? Not at all. Not at all, because it's your show. And on an iPhone, you can see who's, like, in the group message when you send a group MMS like that, or SMS or whatever. Yeah. It's more like with other phones when it's like, hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving. I got one from Trey, bass player for POD, and I thought it was to me. Ah.
And I texted him. I was like, hey, dude, thanks. No text back. Yeah. Of course not. And I realized, oh. Oops. He wasn't saying it to me. You know what I dread about the holidays? What? My mother-in-law. She's such. You don't have a mother-in-law. L-O-B. You got married. Right. I was trying to say something that people could relate to. I'm now hurt for you. I was trying to say something that people could relate to. But I guess I missed the heart. You're going to have a mother-in-law. Yeah. I'm not. Really hoping for it. Well, you don't have to. I'm just saying you are gonna. You're gonna have one. You're unmarried. I'm not getting married until gays have the rights to get married anyway. You can't pull the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt thing. Yes, I am. You can't pull that. It's already taken. I'm boycotting marriage until gays have the rights. That's awesome. It is awesome.
You can't steal bits. That's my new stance. You know, if Matt asked her to get married, that would be a different story. Well, now Matt should ask. He's like, hey, let's get married. He's got coverage. Now he's covered. You said no. Hey, let me tell you something. The day that gays have the rights to get married, I want Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. And I want Brad Pitt and I want to be like, dude. You said it, pal. Let's do it. Right here. Right now. He'll be like, now wait. Brad Pitt's not the problem. Angelina's the one that doesn't want it. Cuckoo. Doesn't. Doesn't she? She. So you're not dealing with a rational woman. No. Someone that makes out with her brother and wears blood on their neck. All the way in. Not exactly the general woman. You are a weirdo, Woods. Am I? Yes. She's only one of the most singularly beautiful women in the world. She's gorgeous. And she's got a little crazy in her. A little? Which I'm all the way in on. She got a lot of crazy. Weirds me out. Gosh, I bet she would. She'd kill you in your sleep. She'd put it on you, dude. I'm telling you. There is no doubt in my mind that she has open hand slapped Brad Pitt. Oh, yeah. During lovemaking. Guaranteed. Which he's in on. Yeah. Do you believe that she has not?
Open hand slapped Brad Pitt in the face. Guaranteed. I believe she carved something into his skin. Like carved her name into her skin. She clamps his nipples. I guarantee you. To a car battle. Yeah. She's carved her initials with her teeth into his face. So in on that. Definitely. Foxy. I bet he would be like, open hand slap. Like, that's her. That's baby stuff. That's missionary. That's missionary. That's so missionary. That's normal. That's normal. Normal bit. Yeah. Her usual thing is she takes a hammer to the back of my head. Claw hammer. Just one toe at a time. Yeah, I'm not an Angelina guy. She's a little creepy. She's creepy. Just helping out foreign countries real good. You know that movie, have you seen Girl Interrupted? Oh gosh, yeah. I think I read the book. I didn't see the movie. Winona. Winona Ryder. It's so creepy. I've seen it like a thousand times. My wife said, because I've never seen it, but my wife said that when she saw that movie, she saw it with her mom, and she said they left the movie theater, and she goes, I'm telling you, babe, she goes, I was convinced that there's no way that she's not actually crazy. She's a good actress. She goes, because you can't do that if you're not kind of crazy. Now, this is kind of interesting.
Is she working now? Is she doing stuff, Winona Ryder? Winona? I don't think so. I saw the dilemma. She's in that with Vince Vaughn and Kevin James. She's in that, and that was like last year. A little bit, though. She's terrible. Not very much. She was in Mr. Deeds. That was a long time ago. That's the thing, yeah, probably before that. There was a time, though, where that chick was like, it girl. She was it girl. I wanted to be her. She wasn't just making movies, she was making good movies. Johnny Depp was in on her, which meant I wanted to be her. Yep. Betty was in on her. Yeah, he got a tattoo of her name. That's all she meant, Jay. Yeah. This is Winona forever. Didn't he get, had it laser removed to wino forever? No, it just says wino forever. That's genius. Really? Yeah. He got that part taken off. Listen, I don't care if you're 89 years old.
and your notebook style in the hospital bed, don't tattoo your spouse's or any person's name on your body. Don't. Seriously. Don't do it. Something could happen. They could pass away, and then you meet somebody else, and you're like, look, I love Jamie. Now I'm going to put Jamie's Crying. It's a Van Halen song. It's my favorite. I've got to. It's the absolute worst idea in the world. I had a talk with my daughter last night about the fact that tattoos don't come off. And I was describing how people can get them lasered off. Because she was checking some of mine out. And she was totally freaked out by that. Laser? Laser, mom! I was like, trust me. You wait until you're... 30. You know what I get? Before you even think about it. You tell me, Hillary, because you have tattoos like I have tattoos. Do you get people asking you, would you let your kid get a tattoo? Every once in a while. Are you offended by that? Well, no, but of course I would. Why would I not? Before they're 18? No. You can. You can give permission. I got one before I was 18, but it was illegal. I did not.
It's on the side of the road, a guy's van. No, it was in shady, shady corner, little Venice Beach tattoo parlor. Some biker said, yeah, hop on up. Wow. I said, sweet. Wow. Sunset Strip Tattoo Parlor turned me down because I didn't have, I wasn't 18, and we drove to Venice. Found somebody who didn't car. They didn't. I'll do anything in Venice. Oh, boy. Well, yeah, my. My deal for my kids will be, yeah, get tattoos. But my recommendation would be just wait till.