The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 12/02/10
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Thursday December 2, 2010
LOB’s birthday kicks off the morning a girl becomes a woman. Mikey admits he’d be a wreck if he didn’t have Sienna to mother him. Lauren is ready to get rid of her rollerskate of a car and buy a new one. The gang remembers the first computers and Mikey was lucky to get a “Rubick’s Boob” as a kid. LOB’s dad calls in to talk about her as a child. Woods and Mikey picked apples together real sweetly and then discuss beauty tips. Mike can’t stop downgrading his physical appearance and Kate Gosselin audio sparks controversy. The gang gives their gifts to LOB and Woods turns into her uncle as he gives her crisp cash, then the Wood roast begins! Other Mother calls in from Jersey and vows to never go away. Eggnog & Jog begins and jugs chug as the girls use rough tactics to knock off the boys. Jay and Woods call foul but touch tongues anyway. Holiday Fruitcake calls in for an exclusive interview of hilarity! LOB hasn’t lived until she puts some fruitcake in her mouth. Don’t Stump Sienna wonders what its own game rules are. How did Sienna look past her cleavage to spot a diamond? Mikey recaps his BFF moment when Richard Dreyfuss lived in his neighborhood. LOB’s sister, brother, friend, and BFMC all show up to the studio. Old Time Radio murders hoodlums and “chiefs” Woods. Who is the celebrity talking about Sarah Palin? M1 Site brings in more gifts for LOB and Radio Charades gets Sienna to pick her boogers. A new shoulder-fired grenade launcher is debuted by the military and Jay reminisces about the weaponry back in his day. Sienna has the scoop on snoops.
Bumper Music
1. LINKIN PARK: CRAWLING
2. LENNY KRAVITZ: THINKING OF YOU
3. LEMONHEADS: BREAK ME
4. MGMT: ELECTRIC FEEL
5. CHEAP TRICK: THE FLAME
6. CHEVELLE: VITAMIN R
7. BILLY JOEL: I GO TO EXTREMES
8. BON JOVI: I’LL BE THERE FOR YOU
9. THE POLICE: EVERY BREATH YOU TAKE
10. LED ZEPPELIN: THAT’S THE WAY
11. DUNCAN SHEIK: BARELY BREATHING
12. WARRANT: HEAVEN
13. LOVERBOY: HOT GIRLS IN LOVE
14. METALLICA: SEEK AND DESTROY
Lauren's 30th birthdayEggnog and Jogreality television and childrenbirthday giftsfound money and honestyRichard Dreyfussradio charadesfriendship and honest feedbackbirthdayeggnogrelayfruitcake
Lauren O'Brien's 30th birthday anchored the show, with calls from her father and her mother's Other Mother character, a pile of teasingly presented gifts, and a surprise visit from Carly, Cecilia, Brad, Meryl, and Matt Commerce. The biggest stunt was Eggnog and Jog, where Lauren and Sienna beat Jay and Woods in a chaotic relay and forced the men to touch tongues after arguments about blocking and spilled eggnog. The crew also debated whether Kate Gosselin's children benefited from reality television and whether kindness or honesty was the right response to a painfully off-key church singer. Elsewhere, Rebecca exposed Mikey's unanswered attempt to befriend Richard Dreyfuss, Terry described returning cash hidden in old magazines, and the show turned fruitcake and radio charades into extended comic bits.
What happened, in order
The Missing Adderall
Mikey arrived late after dropping half an Adderall tablet, panicking that one of his twins might swallow it, and then briefly losing the phone he had left in his car.
Apples and Skin Care
Woods described picking apples from Mikey's backyard tree before the two men enthusiastically compared expensive skin-care products and defended their grooming habits.
Kids on Reality TV
The hosts rejected Kate Gosselin's claim that filming her children served their best interests, although Sienna argued that television money could fund experiences and college for all eight kids.
Lauren's Birthday Gifts
Sienna, Jay, Woods, and Mikey gave Lauren O'Brien a cake, singing cat, jewelry, winter accessories, cash, and a blanket while roasting Woods for his last-minute forty-dollar gift.
Other Mother Calls
Lauren's mother called from New Jersey and performed the recurring Other Mother character so convincingly that Lauren turned red while the studio begged for more.
Eggnog and Jog
Lauren and Sienna beat Jay and Woods in an eggnog-chugging relay amid disputed blocking, spilled nog, runaway headphones, and a penalty that made the losing men touch tongues.
Interview with a Fruitcake
Jay voiced a talking holiday fruitcake stranded at Vons, where it complained that cookies had destroyed its popularity and tried to persuade Mikey to buy it.
Cash in the Magazines
Caller Terry recalled finding thousands of dollars hidden inside National Geographic magazines at an estate sale and returning it in exchange for fifty dollars that she kept as a reminder to be honest.
Richard Dreyfuss's Wallet
Rebecca returned Richard Dreyfuss's wife's wallet, met the bathrobe-clad actor, and then revealed that Mikey sent him a long handwritten dinner invitation that went unanswered.
The Family Surprise
Lauren teared up when her sister Carly, niece Cecilia, brother Brad, friend Meryl, and boyfriend Matt Commerce surprised her in the studio with a cake and birthday song.
Booger Nights
During radio charades, Woods and Lauren landed quick movie-title guesses before Sienna's gestures for Boogie Nights sent the studio spiraling into guesses such as Booger Dark and Booger Sleep.
Was It a Good Job?
After hearing a wildly off-key church singer, Mikey argued that sincere effort deserved praise while Woods insisted a real friend should stop the performer from repeating it.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsLauren O'BrienSiennaJayRebeccaKate GosselinTerryRichard DreyfussCarlyCeciliaBradMerylMatt Commerce
29,281 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Look at that. We came on just a tiny bit early today. Just to make you especially happy. It's our gift to you on Lauren's birthday. We're ready for a spanking. That's right. 30. 30 spankings. That's right. That's right. Our girl L.O.B. is celebrating her 30th today. Correction. Woman. Oh. Woman? I was like, people can't just refer to me as that girl, Lauren, that they know anymore. Really? You believe that at 30 you're officially a woman? Yeah. Oh my gosh. I told her this morning, I go, you still look like you're in your 20s. Yeah, I love it. She does. She looks like she's in her young 20s. Yes. Thanks, Sienna. It's the truth. It is. Here's what happens. You're able to keep that for a long, long time.
You're able to keep it for a long, long time. Rebecca said that it was when she had Jake that it changed. That's what my mom keeps telling me. Yeah. Because I keep, whenever I'm like, I thought it would be this, I thought it would be that. My mom had five kids and she's like, kids steal your youth. Yeah. I will agree with that. I feel like I've aged five years in five months. Yeah. Sienna just had a little baby sage. Yep. Rebecca says. She puts it really dainty, and she puts it in a very sweet way. She says, it sucks the living life right out of you. Agreed. Worth it, but agreed. Let me tell you. Quick story for you. I'll introduce everybody. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's Lauren O'Brien, our 30-year-old. Birthday girl. Our 30-year-old birthday woman. Birthday woman. Sienna is our news girl. She's sitting next to me. She is 25. She's my center. Yes. She gets me very centered. Yes, she does. She's your chi. Yeah, she's my mic whisperer. I try. Thank goodness. She whispers me. Thank God we have one.
Mike's giving Woods a look like, what does that mean? I didn't say it. I didn't say it. You'd be down in your car looking for your iPhone right now. That's what you'd be doing. It's fine. The iPhone is in the car. It might be. It's fine. He texted me from it. It might be. Chris, will you go get mine? Will you? Come here. You know what? You might have dropped it. Mike is a man of routine. Somebody might have snagged it. I bet it fell down the gutter. I bet it's in the gutter. Mike, don't listen. Don't listen to them. They're being rascals. I bet it's in the gutter. You guys. I bet there's a guy making 1-900 calls from your phone as we speak. He probably found a way to get into your whole computer system and your alarm system. Mike is a man of routine. And I was worried this morning because he sent me a text saying I'm running a little bit late. So I thought, uh-oh. You know what happened? What? I was walking down the stairs, and I had my laptop, and I was carrying the laptop, you know, flat, horizontally, so that I would not drop my half tab of Adderall, which was on the top of it, that I take from my... Kevin's tray. So you were holding it like it was a tray. Like a tray. Holding it like a tray. Got it. Weird. And because I had...
My half tab of Adderall on it. On top? Yeah. I take it for my attention deficit disorder. What were we talking about? And it's a stimulant. And it's a controlled substance. The doctor, when you get a refill for it, can't call it in. You have to physically have a prescription for it because it's speed for your brain. And so I dropped it. The Adderall or the laptop? The half top. Oh no. And instantly I thought one of the twins is going to find it and they're going to take it and die and it's going to be my fault and I'm never going to be able to live with myself and guilt will consume me and whatever. It's a good parent right there. It's a great parent. Luke would have found it and sold it on the street. Luke would have sold it. Or chopped it up. Or chopped it up.
Luke's already identified the color orange as his favorite color, and that's what color the halftab of the Adderall is. Oh, no. And so I'm thinking, it's his favorite color. He's going to find it. He's going to take it, and he's going to die, and I'm going to be in mourning forever. Maybe in prison. You had to search for it. I had to search. Found it. Found it. Good for you. Found it. Texted me that he's running late. And now this has already messed with Mike's routine, which I know because I know him. Jacks me. It spins him out. Spins me so bad. Then he walks in, you know, later than normal this morning. And he says, I can't find my cell phone. I can't find my cell phone. Where's my cell phone? And I have to remind him, well, you texted me. Where were you when you texted me? She's like a mom. She's like a mom. He's on the computer searching for a map. What is it? What is it that you did to try to find your phone? GPS. I had a GPS locator on my phone. And I said, Mike, it's okay. It's in the car. And he says, I don't know. I don't know. So we will find out and then everything will be fine. You talked me right down. Okay. I'm not kidding. Anxiety level at a 10, Sienna got me to a three. Wow. That's pretty good. If not a two. And then Woods and I try to drive it up to a 12. Yes. And they can. They do. And then I get mad at them. For sure. It's okay. They can and they do.
570. Us every morning, pretty much. 194.9. Yeah, it is. I've learned everything I know from Woods. That's right. FYI. I don't know. You're pretty good, L.O.P. Yeah, you guys are both. You're better at it. Silently. You're better at it. I like watching the little wheels in your head turn and turn and turn. It's the greatest. No. Lauren, you just have to, she just has to laugh and it will spin Mike out because her laugh means Woods is right. Woods got you again. 570-1949. That's our number if you want to call and wish Blondie a happy birthday. And today is also Britney Spears' birthday. That's right. They share a birthday. And Stone Phillips. Oh, really? Excellent. Is that going for me? Stone Phillips. My mom got me a keychain when I was like 12 of famous people that had my birthday. It was like all these historical figures. I didn't really know who they were. And then Stone Phillips. He's lumped in with John Adams and George Washington and Stone Phillips. The first to call and wish you a happy birthday, Lauren, of course, is M1.
Nubian Prince. That's right. Hello. Hello, baby. How you doing? I'm good. How are you guys doing? Doing great. My chariot awaits. Happy birthday. I'm down here that time, Mason. We're open up the freeway, 905. Yeah. Oh, you know what? It's Lauren's birthday today. That is right. Thank you. It is. It is Lauren's. Oh, here's my phone. Thank you, Chris. Look at you. It was in the car the whole. time. That's right. Hey, um, also, too, um, I can't wait to see you guys tomorrow. I'll be there tomorrow morning. Woo! Nice! That's good. Lovely. Awesome. I'll be here. Chances L.O.B. puts a little more makeup on Friday morning. I always try to put makeup on on Fridays. That's right. But a little more. A little more. I use some perfume. Hey, thank you, Nubian Prince. See you in the morning. You too.
All right, we got a lot to go over. By the way, the Heat play the Cavs tonight, which would normally be nothing. Nobody would care at all. But because LeBron James left them, of course, that's going to be a big deal tonight. And he's going back to Cleveland tonight. He's going to need protection. Yes. They do not like LeBron James in Cleveland. They just do not like him. In fact, they may. They may hate the guy. Do you mean like condoms? Like, you know, definitely if you're going back. No, like security guards. Uh-huh. You meant like magnums. He might need that too. Oh, by the way, we will be doing the eggnog and jog at 7.30. Yes, it is as fun as it sounds. It's a relay race with everyone here on the program except for me. I'll be calling the action. But everybody here on the program, except me and our phone screener, Kraus, will be taking part in it. They will take a couple of glasses of eggnog, then they will run out of our studio, into the hallway, around the building of the hallway, because it's a big circle, and then come back in, relay to their partner, and then...
Run around the building. Their partner will have to run around the building. Is there rum in the eggnog? There is not. No rum. Dang it. FYI, you guys, for the eggnog jug, you're going to go out and you're going to go left. We're going to go left to right. Imagine chugging it. Left to right. We're going to go left to right, LNB. We're going to go counterclockwise. We're going to mess you up. That messes me up big time. Left to right. It doesn't seem like the way it is. We're going to turn left. Yeah, that's what I would think. Really? That's how a track goes. That's clockwise. That's clockwise, you crazy kid. Yes, that's clockwise. Oh, yeah, that is clockwise. But I guess my track, I always do it right. That's why we're doing it opposite, because we're a professional track runner. We'll also be doing Do Not Stump Sienna at 8 a.m., which is basically pop culture trivia. Word of the day today, Goose. A pair of tickets to see Linkin Park. Don't know why. And a Mikey Show t-shirt when you hear me work the word goose into a sentence. And there are officially, between now and the time that we do the Mikey-thon, there are officially 13 days, 23 minutes, or 23 hours, 50 minutes. Until Mikey-thon. Yes. 2010. Today's going to be a fun show. Mm-hmm.
L.O.B., do you have anything special planned for your 30th birthday? No, I was going to go car shopping. Weird that I'm not. That's stressful, though. Woods and I put the over and under on you getting a car. You both said over for after the new year, which you will both lose. No way. I'm going to get it before the new year. There's no way. She was looking in June. She's been talking since we've known her. It took me a day. There's a lot that goes into it. There's really not. There is. I'm financing my current car, so I've got to think about if I went on the private market, I have to figure out how to get the title over to the new owner. We said, you know what she's going to do? Because she's a research fanatic. Yeah. And she's also got a touch of OCD. So she will think that she's got it figured out. She'll be driving down to the place to get a new car, and she'll go, wait a minute. There's one more thing I want to check right before. I bet you I can get a better, and she'll research again. Well, here's the thing. I'm going the complete other way because the reason I ended up with this stupid tin can of a car is because when I came back from Australia, I came back from traveling, I had no job, no car, no apartment. I was riding my bike to work, my bike to the belly up, and I went to the car lot, and I was like, yeah, whatever you got, just give it to me. I don't care what's the interest rate.
Sold. I'll take her. And Matt was like, are you sure you want to do this? And I was like, shut up. And I just wanted whatever was the cheapest thing, just get me out of there. I just need wheels. And? And I hate that car. You hate it. I hate it. So now I'm like, I need to be the opposite. So what are you going to get? Do you know? I want to get a Honda CR-V. Nice. Yeah. That'd be really good for you. You're going to like an SUV, I'm telling you. When shall we give her her presents? 7 o'clock. All right, 7. Lucky number 7. At seven, we'll give her some gifts. Yeah, thanks, guys. There's a person of interest. Well, there was a person of interest in the murder of the publicist. Very crazy, yeah. Really weird. The big publicist in Hollywood, her name was Ronnie Chasen. About two weeks ago, she was shot anonymously in her car after a movie premiere. The coroner, first of all, just declared yesterday that it was definitely by an expert marksman. Oh, my gosh. Holy cow. And then the cameras that they have set up at the intersection were disabled. Yeah. Yep. Which makes you think, man, somebody really planned this out and knew what would be. And hollow bullets, right? Hollow point, yeah, hollow point bullets. What would a hollow point do? Go through a door. Oh. And then expand. Yeah, when they hit you, they expand.
Um, the coroner said the injuries were consistent with a quote unquote professional hit. So just so scary. So they apparently did have a person of interest yesterday and they went to confront this man. He has not been identified. Um, he would, they went to the police, went to the Harvey apartments, which is a low income hotel yesterday afternoon, approached him not to arrest him or anything, just with some questions. The guy pulled out a handgun and killed himself. By being approached by police. So the person of interest that they had is now dead. Oh, my. Yeah, so. Insane. Why would they want this publicist dead? It's crazy. You know that. Why would they want them dead? I believe it would be a celebrity with a big, big secret. Yeah. No one knows the motive. Can you imagine? Well, and I'll tell you now, what the investigators will do is they'll look at every client that she had. And has ever had. And has ever had and want to talk to them. What if John Travolta's on that list? A lot of rumors floating around about that guy these days. Huh? Lots.
Lots. Don't start things. I'm not starting it. I didn't start it. You just did. No, I didn't start it. It's out there. I'm just reporting what's out there. You're reporting on rumors. I've never read that. Well, I'm not reporting on it. Really? Yes. I'll show you guys at the break. I've read some rumors about him and Tom Cruise. Don't look around on Prez Hilton. I'm telling you. Scientologist. I'm telling you. You watch out. He may be on that list, pal. Okay. I'm going to show you. He just had a baby. Yeah, because gay guys can't have kids. I'm serious. I hear these things. I've heard the same thing, and also because of Tom Cruise, it's the same thing as well. I hear about Star Whackers, and I'm buying that here. I hope they're not on that list, pal. Well, I just think that this person who just killed himself yesterday by being confronted by police is a little odd. That's wild. It makes you think. Someone that's not guilty wouldn't do that. I mean, he could have been guilty of other things is what you could think. Right. I mean, something was definitely off. And he was just afraid that investigators were coming. He could have had a whole laundry list of things he'd done. It's true. Yeah. So that's that story. It's a weird twist. More will be coming out, I'm sure. But, I mean, everyone's just like, what in the world? 570-1949 is our number. If you want to call us, you could also text 949mikey at gmail.com.
Let's see. So Elizabeth Smart was the girl that was kidnapped when she was 14. In Utah. In Utah. And they finally found her. And she was in fine condition. But she had been kidnapped by these whack jobs. Yes, these nuts, nuts people. And yesterday was a trial. Brian Mitchell is the guy's name who's been charged with kidnapping her. He and his wife was also involved as well. She stormed out of the courtroom yesterday. Elizabeth Smart. Yes, Elizabeth Smart did. Visibly upset, crying. Her mom left with her. And it was while they were talking about Mitchell, the kidnapper's desire to have kids with her. Yeah. I mean, just awful. So while they were talking about it, I mean, that's the first time she stormed out. She could not take it. I mean, just so sad. I mean, it was to the point where she had picked out a name for the kid in case it did happen because he wanted to have kids with her. I mean, it was just, oh, poor thing. So crazy. Yeah. And then the WikiLeaks dude. Julian Assange. I don't know what's up with this guy, man.
The fact that he had molested someone to sexual assault, all kinds of stuff, right? Yeah, it came out earlier this week. He's wanted in Sweden for alleged sex crimes. And he's wanted, obviously, by officials around the world for this website, WikiLeaks. And just some more information came out about him. They've interviewed his mother and stuff. And she said that she bought him his first computer when he was 13. It was a Commodore 64 computer. That's when there was no websites or anything like that. But she said, you know, he's someone that can can find a way to work anything. He attached a modem to his computer, began his journey, she said, through. the growing world of computers. I mean, everyone that knows him says he can hack into the most sophisticated computer system, you know, but he's the type of guy that would forget to show up to an interview. For sure. Have any of us here on the show, did any of us own a Commodore 64 when they came out? When they came out? My friend did. Your friend did. Did anybody here on the show? The radio station that I worked at had one computer and a floppy disk, and it was just, they said it, it was like, here you go. What did you do with a computer back then?
Type. And games. Yeah, it was a word processor. It was a word processor, and that was it? Yeah. Yeah, that's all it did. It's a fast typewriter. But here was the incredible thing about it as a typewriter, is that you could save. And make corrections. Do you guys remember? I actually remember going to my mom's office when I was a little kid and typing and, you know, practicing typing and like, you know, killing time. But if you made a mistake, you had to. The nice typewriters, you could hit backspace and it would kind of fix it, but having to get the wide out and stuff and move the thing and type over it is what they used to have to do. Can you imagine? Yeah, that's what I had to do. I wrote liners like that, and you know how I write. Oh, boy. Yeah, in radio. I wrote liners. Oh, my gosh. And it was a lot harder to hit the buttons. I'll just say this. When I was a kid and those first computers came out, there was no way in the world.
that I would ever be a part of having something like that. Like, my parents never got the cool stuff when it came out. It just wasn't a part of our lives or our existence. And so I think of those now, and I hear about Commodore 64 or whatever. I'm like, that dude having a Commodore 64? Yeah. I'm like, his parents must have been royalty. Yeah. In order for him to be able to have such a thing. Especially he was 13 and it was his computer. I gotta say though, the typewriter was a vast improvement from the stone tablets we used. It is true. The chisel. Yeah, the chisel. You made a mistake, chisel. Chisel, you try to fix that. You and Moses. At the time, they didn't even know what carpal tunnel was. But that's how he, that was the original carpal tunnel. Well, you fought through it. Moses had it. He had it. You fought through it. You fought through it with a spear and a piece of armor on your chest. But yeah, you fought through it. So you didn't have, when you were growing up, you didn't even have like Atari? Hell no. You are kidding. Oh, really? Hell no. Was it like your dad was like, I don't, was it?
We don't have no cash. We got four kids. Or was it... Woods. I don't want your brain melting playing Atari and in television all day. It was to the point where it wasn't even worth the ask. Not for Christmas. For the whole family. There's no use in asking for an Atari. Really? No. You never had one? No. Wow. We had one. Wow. No. That was way out of the spectrum. What you'd ask for is... and you'd kind of keep, fingers crossed, it wasn't a generic, a Rubik's Cube. You could ask for a Rubik's Cube, and you kind of keep your fingers crossed that that Rubik's Cube wasn't going to be the Boobix Cube. Right. The Rubik's Boob. The Rubik's Boob. And it was a breast with bright colors on it that was a puzzle that you had to keep doing it until the nipple aligned with the areola on the breast. I played that. You would have wanted that, Mike. Come on. Your parents got you the Rubik's Cube that had, you know, pink, yellow, all the terrible colors chartreuse. Your friends would look at it and go, what is that? Did you guys get that in San Francisco? It's a Rubik's Cube rectangle. More of a Rubik's Cube. Oh, man. We had all that stuff, but my dad would do the bit of...
Well, here's a Nintendo, but it's for everybody. You know, that was that bit, which is fine. And you play and whatever. I used to beat the crap out of my brother so I could play by myself. Oh, yeah. I'll never forget my dad came in. He had the Pong. Oh, yeah. Amazing. Incredible. Yeah, and he just showed up with it. I didn't even ask for it. I didn't know it existed. That's awesome. It's awesome. 5701949 is the number. You know, Rubik's Cube has a new product out now, and it's an electronic Rubik's Cube. Rad. Just so I don't really know how it works, but saw the commercial for it the other day. That's cool. What do you think, not to go back, but what do you think a Commodore 64 cost back then? What do you think that would go for when he got his first... It was in 87. 87. Because I bet you have an audience member that bought one in 87. I want to know about what it cost. I'm going to take a guess and say that a brand new one was probably... $300. I was thinking in my head $300. I was thinking like $2,500. But see, it didn't do... Because that would have been outpriced. Because nobody... It would have been so far outpriced. I mean, a computer today doesn't cost $2,500. And a good one. A good one. No, a good computer today costs $2,000. $1,500 to $2,000. A good one. You know, so...
And plus people didn't know what it was, so people would be like, why am I going to pay that much for something I don't know? For an electric diaper under the street. Yeah. I'm trying to find it right now. I want to know. Commodore 64, date announced 1982, date canceled 1993. It said price $600. Okay. Wow. Double. Yep. Yeah, dude. My dad didn't pay $600 for a car. Right. Truly. There was not going to be. And then his deal would be, my dad's deal would be, well, what is a computer? Tell me what that is. And you would say, well, you can type on it. And if you wanted to, dad, you could make like a big long, you could like write a book on it. His answer would be, why can't you do that with a typewriter? Yeah, but dad, it's got this thing called a floppy disk that you plug in and you can actually. save whatever it is that you're making, and then you can make corrections on it. And he would say, I save everything I write now. Look at this stack. Yeah. And if I want to make corrections with it, I just use Whiteout. And so why wouldn't you do that? Why would we spend $600 on something we already have that we can save? Everything you've told me so far, son, I can save it. I can make corrections on the typewriter right now. And I'd be like, what about the game bit?
Could have thrown the game bit at him. He's out. He doesn't even get it. He'd be like, this is what he would think in his head. I'm not going to play a game. I know you won't. I'm not going to. What's in it for me? What's in it for me? That's hysterical. 5701949 is the number. And we're getting people that are calling us about the Commodore 64. It says current value, zero to $50. Holy cow. Zero. People would pay you. I'll give you two bucks. People pay you to take over here. Absolutely. You know there was some guy that saved five or six, and he's like, one day these things are going to be worth a freaking fortune, man. That's like the Atari. Yep. I think the first one ever sold is worth a lot of money because we talked about it the other day. M1 Bear from San Diego. You there? Yeah, you there, guy? Yeah, go ahead. Hey, like 20-something years ago, playing. Yes. You have dysentery. Bear, what was Oregon Trail? Yeah. You don't know? No.
Just going on little green stick figures on a black computer. Even I played Oregon Trail. Oh, I played the more sophisticated version than that. You did? Yeah. Yeah, it was absolutely amazing. And then I always loved playing them. Yeah. I didn't become this WikiLeaks guy, though. Hey, thanks for the call. All right, guys. Have a good day. I'm one of these guys that is not satisfied with technology even now. No kidding. I'm not. You know, because I look at video games now and people are like, dude, it looks so real. And I'm like, No, it doesn't. It looks like a cartoon. Compared to what it used to look, absolutely. You should play Call of Duty. I mean, it scares me. Some people run around the corner with a gun. I'm like, ah! Jay, until it looks like there are people living in my television, I will not think it looks real. But why does it need to look real if you know it's a game? I was fine with the graphics on Super Mario Bros. And Pitfall.
If that's what we're doing, then fine. If we're just pretending that it's... But everyone's like, it needs to be real. Yeah. Because that's the fun of it. It does. I think back to Nintendo. When I had a Nintendo, we used to play Tech Mobile for days at a time. And it was awful. You throw Madden on now, you're like, it's good, but boy, it could be a little better. Yeah. Gave Woods a PS3 yesterday. Yeah! They're coming up with these things you can put on your ears now that will kind of mess with the equilibrium and make you feel like you're going. Oh, my gosh. I have a question. Yes. Are we really not going to talk about what you and Woods did yesterday? Oh, boy. Are we really not going to talk about what you and Woods did? Some things are left unsaid. Well, it's not anymore. We have to talk about it. We're talking about it. Sienna is speaking out of school. Just pulling the curtain back real good. Woods and Mike did a little something odd yesterday. It's not odd. It's extremely odd. Yeah. Can we talk about it? Yeah, when we come back. During the commercial break, I'll try to talk about it. Nope, not happening. Okay, well, the other thing we have when we come back is Grammy nominations. They made the Grammy nominations.
And so we'll tell you all about it. And there's a San Diego connection in these nominations that we'll be rooting for. A few. I could not convince Sienna to spare us pulling the curtain back. Yeah, right, you guys. You know that. We're talking about it. Yeah, so we're going to tell you what Woods and I did yesterday, which is... Something that probably every dude listening probably does with his friends. Of course. One point or another. Of course. We're going to be doing the eggnog and jog at 7.30. And so stick around for that. It's going to be a relay race with everyone here on the Mikey Show drinking eggnog and running.
Woods thinks he might yak. I am not a fan of the nog of egg. And then running afterwards? Yes. Ew, it's so thick. Don't say it. Let's see. We're going to be giving L.O.B. her gifts here in just a little bit. Today's her birthday. Speaking of today being Lauren's birthday, Mr. O'Brien, her father, is on the line right now. Hello, Mr. O'Brien. Hey, Mike. How are you doing? I'm good. How are you? Hey, Dad. There he is. It's your dad, so watch what you say. That's right. How are you? Good. You guys haven't had the eggnog yet, have you? No, we have not. That's for the run. My father used to make eggnog. He could take wallpaper off the wall. Oh, wow. That's great. Ours is rum-free. Yeah, no rum in this one. No rum in this one, Dad. So how about that? He had his own recipe, but I think he got heavy-handed with it. There you go. So how about that, Mr. O'Brien? 30 years ago today, where was Lauren? My little girl. That's right. Where was she born? Tennessee. She's a southern belle. Oh, how about that? Good story. How about that? Memphis, Tennessee. Home of the king. 30 years ago today. Home of the king, yeah. There you were. And were you, was this in the days, Mr. O'Brien, where dad was allowed into the delivery room?
Yes, I was, but actually she interrupted Monday Night Football. Oh, no. I'll never forget it. I remember it was Oakland Raiders against Denver Broncos. Oh, wow. Wow. And she interrupted it. Well, the doctor and I were watching the game, and then Mrs. O'Brien says, you know, it's time to have the baby, guys. Wow. That's the year that Mo Lauren appeared. What was she like as an infant? Was she a very quiet baby, or was she... She wasn't very quiet. No. A pretty little baby. All of our babies were pretty. Yeah. Thanks to Mrs. O'Brien. If they looked like me, they'd have to wear a mask. Right? That's great. That's the same thing with my kids. Yeah, they take after their mom, so I'm fortunate in that. So you marry well, you do all right. There you go. There you go. Well, we love your daughter, and she is the best, and we're very happy to have her here on the Mikey Show. Yes. Oh, yeah. Hey, Lauren. Yeah. Happy birthday, honey. Thanks, Dad. Thanks for calling in. That's really nice. That's very nice of you. First time caller, long time listener. That's right. He listens on the internet.
At least I know to avoid the Route 5 north while I was on hold. That's right. They don't call them roots out here. They don't call them roots. I love it. Old State Highway 5, huh? Highway 5. There you go. Well, thank you, Mr. O'Brien. It was nice to talk to you. You guys have a good one. Take care. Bye, Dad. Love you. There's Lauren's dad. He didn't give it back. Love you guys. Does he say I love you back? Yeah. He does. I love you. I love you. me. That's the other mother. That's the phone call I'd like to get. Lauren's mom does that. Other mother. Other mother. Let's see. We got a text that says, hey Mikey show, want to wish L.O.B. a happy birthday? P.S. I want to be a part of the 30 spankings also. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's Chris G. Chris G. Frankster. I don't think he's kidding. I'm pretty sure he's not. M1 Light said, good morning, everyone. Just wanted to say happy birthday to LOB, so happy birthday. Oh, nice. This text says, are you guys going to have the webcam up for Mikey-thon? Thanks, M1 Juicy. Yeah, we will have the webcam up for certain parts of the Mikey-thon. The reason we don't have the webcam up right now is because it sucks up a bunch of, what do they call it? Bandwidth. Bandwidth. And I'm going to be nude for most of the Mikey-thon, so you don't want to see that. So there you go.
Yeah, Woods has decided that it's clothing optional. Yes. And so, you know, you never know. Yeah, so Woods and I, yesterday, had a normal day. Did you? You know what it was? It was a Wednesday. Yeah, typical Wednesday. A typical Wednesday. Maybe. For you guys. Well, I was giving Woods my PS3. He doesn't have one. Neither do I. I don't think I do. I knew this was coming. I knew it. I knew it. You shouldn't even said it. I know it. Just another kickback. I know it. I have a nine-year-old at home that really likes PS3, too. I'll give her my PS2. How about that? Yes! There you go. Sold. Seriously, I will. Thanks. You can have it. I'll seriously take it. So, Woods came over, and we did what most dudes do on a Wednesday. Yeah. Most dudes? I think so. Sure. We went out in the backyard and picked apples in the orchard. Lauren, you didn't know this, did you? And then we... What? And then we... In the orchard? Wait, go back. Say it again. Say it. Oh my gosh. Why are you saying it? Because I'm so... Because I have a hard time with it. Say the whole sentence so I can write it down and isolate it for a reason. One more time. Yes. Yesterday, Woods and I...
Went out in the backyard and picked apples in the orchard. Did you have a basket? And then Lassie came, see? What the heck? Even worse than a basket, do you know what we did? Do you know what we did? You had a picnic? No! He did this bit. With the shirt holding the apples. The apples were in your shirt? Like you hold your shirt out and put it in there like it's a little bowl. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And I... Now, Mikey... You needed the apples that badly? Now, listen. Mikey is... I'm leaving my body. Mikey is... Hold on. This one has a bruise. Mikey is a diminutive fellow. I am not a diminutive fellow. I have a long reach. Look, I can touch the ceiling. Mikey couldn't touch the ceiling standing on the board. Mikey, stop covering your face. So here's the deal. He wanted some apples. They're really good. They're Fuji apples, which I learned are the best. Mikey takes me and goes, well, did you know I have an apple tree? I go, no. I go, wow, this is a whole little, you have a whole little scene going back here. He goes, look up there.
Grab that bunch of apples. So I'm tall. So I reached up, grabbed them, tried one. Delicious. Took one home. Do you need to wash them? We wash them in the pool. In the what? In the pool. There's chlorine in the pool. Salt water. Salt water. What are the chances that Mikey was like, now you see this, Woods? This is not ready yet. Because... Thousand percent. Thousand percent. Thousand percent. Look around the edges. Woods, get this one. Yeah, it's not budding yet. It begins to bud. It's like a National Geographic special. It was. You see this little hole? This means a worm crawled in. Mr. Cleaver, is this apple season? Oh my, Mike? And then we went inside and I got a new box of product. From Amazon? Came in the mail? Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And so, you know, we talked about nice, fresh. You got schooled young grasshopper? Well, you know, Mikey, and I give it to him because.
He likes to try to school me on products. I'm just as bad with products as he is. You guys school me. You're like, oh yeah, you don't know about kills? What did Rebecca say? She goes, he officially spends more money on products than I do. Like beauty products? Yes. And this is a guy that has no hair. Good point. And doesn't shave, really. Yeah, no, this stuff was, you know, vitamin C serum. That's good stuff for you to have. With a mattifier in it. What? It's got a mattifier in it? It takes the shine away from your face? Here's the deal. Here's the deal with me. And I don't know what Woods' deal is. I can only tell you mine. My deal is I'm not very good looking. And so what I do is I try to take care of the little that I have. Okay? So I go, okay, I'm not tall. I don't look like a professional baseball player. You know, I don't look like that. And so what I'll do is I'll take this five foot six chubby Mexican body that I have. And I'll moisturize it. And I'll, you know, and I'll keep it. I'll try to keep it as wrinkle free as I can. That way, as I age, you know, other guys, my peers.
who are good-looking will look old and at least all look chubby and young. He looks, I mean, you look at Mikey's face. He's 40 years old. He's five years old. Great skin. You look at my face, I look like the Marlboro Man. So whatever I'm doing, it's not working. But you're blessed with good looks, right? He's blessed with good looks. You both are good-looking. You both are. Yeah, I'm not a good looking man. You both look great. And I know that. You use something like an old family secret, what, like vegetable oil or something? Crisco, Crisco. Cayenne pepper. It's an old Mexican. They say when you're pregnant, if you put like... Cocoa butter? Yeah, but you can even use like vegetable oil and stuff. I use pig fat. Pig fat. Bacon lard is really what it is. But you don't go like the cheap CVS route. No. You don't go like... No. High end. So we opened this box, and I'm like, it was like Christmas for me, too. And I'm looking at him in really just green with envy. I was looking, I was like, I want it. I wonder if I could kick him in the shin, grab it, and get away with it, if he would be mad at me. Mike, did you teach Woods about all this stuff? No, he knows the same stuff. I know my stuff. We have the same stuff. Yeah, and he's like, Woods, this one's got a mattifier. And I'm like, ooh, and it's got SPF in there? Vitamin C keeps your skin young.
Is this normal? No. No, it's not. Jay, do you do this? No. No. Jay washes with lava. My husband has a bar of ivory soap. I know. That's it. Hang on. Same bit. Your husband, Todd, really good-looking guy. Okay? Jay, good-looking guy. Yes. Jay looks like a surfer. He's got a body. He's 47 years old. He looks like he's 34. Put your shirt down. Jay's a good looking guy. Your husband Todd's a good looking guy. BFMC. Boyfriend Matt Commer's a good looking guy. I honestly look like I should be asking you if you want cilantro in your street taco. Mike Escarza. If you put me in a sombrero, I could just as easily be doing mornings here at FM 94.9 or I could be on any given street corner at Avenue Revolucion. Miguel en la mañana. Miguel en la mañana. Miguel en la mañana. Do you know what that means, Mike? No. Don't have a clue. Bienvenidos. Yeah.
And so that's why I try to keep what I have. You know what it is? Here's what it is. I have a pinto, so I wash it every day. And have rims on it? Yeah, and I wax and wash this pinto every day, so I'm like, hey, yeah, it's a pinto, but look how shiny it is. Listen to the system I got in this thing. It's amazing. You have great skin. It's working. To a salon. I feel like a gay man walking in there. Are you just going to keep digging this hole? Yeah, I will. What else did you guys do together? Ooh, with the lady. I went to a salon. Yeah? And got my eyebrows and ears or nose waxed. You're addicted now. All I said, no, it isn't an addiction. It's now upkeep.
Now I got to keep it right. Maintenance. And so the girl was waxing my eyebrows. And I said, I don't want it. I said, I just want it to look clean. Can I tell you something, Mike? Well, wait, here's what she said. I said, I want it to look clean. And she goes, oh, yeah, I'm not going to put an arch on it. She goes, I rarely put arches on. She goes, I rarely put arches on straight men. And I wanted to die. Because she was having to differentiate the fact that, well, I was. that I was here and I was straight and that she has straight clients and then she has what is probably the majority gay clients that come in to do what I was doing as a straight man. Okay. Your apples, I'm sure, taste delicious. They're good. Your skin, it does look great. Your eyebrows don't look any different than they did yesterday. That's true. I would have never noticed. You don't need to do that, Mike. I do because if I don't, they start to look like, they're like, hey. Okay, but you can't go wax your eyebrows unless there's hair that needs to be waxed. You have to grow it out. The only reason you can't tell is because Cookie Monster went in there and got it done so that you couldn't tell. You're not Cookie Monster, first of all. Mike, you don't need to do that.
It's unnecessary money that you're spending. It's not. It's not. I have to do the pinto. I have to get the pinto cleaned. I can't tell. I know. I've never even waxed my eyebrows. I use tweezers. Never? Never. Wow. It's very subtle. I just use a comb and get clippers and just clip them. Yeah, that's because you're good looking. No. My girl just clips them with the clippers. I put a picture of me and Sunny from POD on my Facebook. It's a good picture. And I looked at it, and it's a nice photograph, because Dan, the guy that took the picture, is really good. But I looked at myself, and I said, I'm a very flawed person. Stop! You are not. No, no, no. I recognize. I go, wow. There are not very many women. that are going to look at that and go, wow, that's a handsome man. Mike, everyone is their own worst critic. Everyone says that when they look at themselves, but you need to stop. There's guys out there that are dying to look like you. Oh, no, there's not. Yes, there are. There's not. There's not. There isn't. See, that I know. I can think cogently about where I am in terms of appearance. I am very similar in appearance to Danny DeVito. What?
You are not. The guy that was in the taxi. Okay, if you have Facebook, go look at this picture because the listener posted a picture of a guy who she said looks just like you, right? You saw that picture, right, Mike? Yeah, it was an ape man. It was half man, half ape Batman. He lives in a cave and they say he's a sharp guy. No, this guy was a sharp guy. He was a good looking guy and he absolutely looks like you. Where is that? I'll find it. It's on Facebook. Dude, I'm telling you, Mike. Oh, I know the deal. No, here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm sober about it. That day that we went to the Del Mar races, I would have made out with you if I was a chick. If I was a chick, I would have gone, look at that. That is a sharp MF right there. Oh, my God. There's nothing really you have to say about that. You can put lipstick on the pig. You're going to make out with him? If I was a girl, I would have been like, who's that dude? You said I look like... You said, oh, you go, yeah. Clooney. He looks like Clooney. You did? Yeah. As much as this sounds like We Will Rock You. Buddy, your boy make a big noise playing in the street. I like this song. I like it better than We Will Rock You. It's not quite Freddie Mercury. We will, we will rock you.
I do enjoy that better than I enjoy the original version. It brings me more joy. It brings me much more joy. There's an exec right now at Advertising Co. that is in a boardroom with a picture of Mike Esparza, and they're like, Exhibit A. Congratulations, team. Yeah. What does that mean? Because all these products and stuff that you think you need. They've sold you. Sharp dude right there. You don't need. I found the picture of the guy that Mike looks like. He looks exactly like you. Sharp guy. He's a very good-looking guy. But that doesn't look like me. Yes, it does. Okay, we're going to post this picture on MikeyShow.com and you judge and see if it looks like Mike. It looks just like you. This is what people would say. They would go, oh, Mikey is unfortunate. They would say, listen, I can be confident in the fact that I have a great sense of humor. I've got a gift for gab. Timing, you know.
And, you know, I recognize the gifts that I do have. One of the gifts that I was not given, and maybe it was to keep me in check, was that I was not given, you know, the appearance thing. You know, that's okay. I make up for it with ha-has. You know, I'm a funny guy. You know what's worse than not having it? I'm a good writer, too. Is having it and losing it. Oh, yeah. It's the worst. Sure. Looking at the decline of what was once great. And I'll say great because it was legendary in the day. Woodsy sucks. Well, first of all, Woodsy is a great looking guy even now. Soft, chubby, pale white. Stop! Maybe, but you still are good looking through it. But back in the day when I first met him, unstoppable. Sharp cat. There was no deal that could not be closed. Aging is not fun. It sucks. I don't like looking at my butt in the mirror. Sucks. Really? You're the only one. Because you have a nice bottom, L.O.B. Just keeps not having what it once was. I know what you're saying. It sucks, dude. You look in the mirror and I look and I go, I see you in there. And I know you're in there. I can see you, killer, from 10 years ago. You're in there. But the problem is, I don't want to work hard enough to get it back. As we all order bagels for breakfast. Yeah, exactly. Woods came over yesterday and said, he was laying on the carpet.
Rebecca was sitting there looking at him, too, in the living room. Bearskin rug. He was laying on the carpet. They don't have a couch. Yeah, he didn't have a couch he could sit on because we don't have one. In your thriller pose. He was laying on his stomach, and he was doing this. He goes. Head down on his hands. Head down on his hands. He goes, do you know what I ate today? Oh, no. I had Burger King for breakfast. Oh, no. And I just got McDonald's. I go, what'd you get? He goes, cheeseburgers. How many cheeseburgers? I go, you had a cheeseburger? He goes, two cheeseburgers. Fries. Coke. Yes. What size? Large. It's funny because he's fat. Wiz, if it makes you feel any better, I ate a whole frozen pizza yesterday. It doesn't make me feel better, L-O-B.
M1 B-Dog. Are you there, B-Dog? Oh, yes. Hi. Hi. I wanted to wish my aunt a wonderful belated birthday. Oh, cool. Yeah, and you as well, L-O-B. Oh, thank you. That's nice. That's nice. Thank you. Thank you, B-Dog. You guys have a great day. You too. You have a good day. You ever just give up real good? Sent you home with a lot of colognes, didn't I? 15 bottles. I love those friends. We just get all their leftovers. I love it. I love leftovers. Why don't you pass some of that down, Woods? Come on. Sienna, tell me who got nominated for a Grammy from San Diego. Well, a few people. James Moody, Switchfoot, your boys. Jeffrey Kieser, Megadeths, Dave Mustaine, and Tijuana's Nordic Collective. They all got some nominations. There you go.
That's cool. These are all San Diego bands. Yeah, the leaders of the Grammy nominations were Eminem, who has 10 nominations, and Bruno Mars with seven. Wow. Yep. It'll be on February 13th, just so you know. Who thinks that their kids, their little kids, being on TV is in their best interest? Do you? Do you feel that? We're going to play you audio of a woman who does, and she's well known, and we'll play it next. Ever forget to cue up a song? I just thought you liked it so much you wanted to hear a little more. Who thinks being on TV is in their child's best interest? Do you think that? No. I don't. I'm Mikey. That's Woodsy. He's got on his Yankees baseball cap. Represent. Birthday girl sitting to my right. Yeah. She's the blondie. Hi. And her name is Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B. And... Dirty 30.
Yeah, Dirty 30. Dirty 30. And Sienna is our news girl. Jay is our executive producer and is wearing a sweater that looks so comfortable. It is. And badass. I love that sweater. It's striped black and gray. It looks sharp. I hate you. I can't wear a sweater. I hate you. Why not? Because I look like a fat mall cop if I do. Oh my gosh. Sorry, going back to the gym today. Going back to the gym. Are you? Yep. Me too. Yeah. You're not? I am. You are? Yes. Who's this gym guy you guys are talking about? Nah. It's just our friend. We pick apples and oranges together. It's cool. Our phone screener is cross. Let's cross. Let's cross. And we will be doing eggnog and jog at 730. Oh, boy. Making me nauseous thinking about it. Nauseous. Word of the day is goose for Linkin Park tickets and a Mikey Show t-shirt. Sweet. Okay. So, this is the chick from John and Kate Plus 8. What's her name? Kate Gosselin. Kate.
Yeah, Kate Gosselin just went on the Today Show. Yeah, her name's Kate. She's from John and Kate. She's from the Today Show. She said this. That they're still on television. He went to a judge to try to stop it, and the judge ruled against him. He said children rely on the guidance of the adults in their life to ensure their best interest. Absolutely. He doesn't feel their best interest is being had right now with them being on this special series. Well, you know, their best interest is what is good for the kids, what they enjoy, what I see on their faces. No, no, no, no, no. The best interest for your kid is not always what they enjoy. Because if that were the case, then we would be letting Jake eat. Hershey's Kisses all day long. Because he loves Hershey's Kisses. And by the way, when he was eating those Hershey's Kisses, he would have this look on his face of complete and utter joy. And there has been nothing but positive that has come out of it. You know, I... I think that his parents' divorce came out of it. Yes. Now, this is just me. I would put that in the negative box.
If it was me, I'd put it in the negative box. I wouldn't put it in the positive box. And there was a whole lot of mudslinging with that divorce. Oh, yeah. And then paparazzi following them around, taking their pictures. Well, guys, to be fair, her hairdo did take off. It did. It has gotten better since the show. Let's be fair about the whole thing. It's a true fact. It's a true story. I am working while they're by my side enjoying life and traveling. And that is not only providing us trips of a lifetime, but it's providing for their future. And I am still sitting here honestly telling you, Meredith, and I believe it wholeheartedly, as does the evidence that you see on TV, that it is in their best interest and that it is something that is wonderful for them. And we would not be doing it if it wasn't. Yeah, I... Beg to differ? There's truth, I think, in that statement. That it's in their best interest for them to be on TV? No, no, not fully. But I think when you have twins and then you have sextuplets, you have eight kids, I don't think they could have provided for them the way they do now, that's for sure. I mean, you can see the fun stuff that they do now that they would never get to do with that many kids. Yeah, but at what cost? Well, no, I totally, I understand. And I think she's nuts, Kate Gosselin. But, I mean, I do think she has a point that she's, they have money to go to college now, those kids. Stuff like that.
Yeah. I don't know. I just feel sorry for those kids. Yeah, it's going to mess them up. Yeah. It's going to mess them up. It's hard. Lindsay Lohan. Mm-hmm. The Osan twins. Mm-hmm. Mikey Thawne is the 16th and 17th of December. Yeah. Yeah. So soon. Crazy. I can't believe that. You guys, it's really soon. Yeah. We're going to be on the air broadcasting 28 straight hours. People come down here, camp out. And we do it all for Rady Children's Hospital and their Autism Discovery Institute. One of the things that we are going to be auctioning off will be a dinner at my home with the Mikey Show. Sweet. At my home. That's so cool. And bidding will start at $1,500. Yeah! Now, I have not decided whether or not I am going to cook or cater. I want you to cook. Well, I could cook, but that means that I don't get to visit much. Right. And it would be better to be able to visit, so I don't know.
Or you could cook all day and keep it warm in the oven. That's what I'm wanting. Sounds awesome. You're always talking about this pesto pasta. I almost had it. I almost had the catering. She just figured out a way to get me to have to cook. Yeah, but that's no fun for you. You gotta cook all day. I gotta cook all day, L.O.B. That's no fun. She gave me that look. She gave me the look. Are you saying you could? She gave me the look that said a real trooper would do it. A real morning radio host. That really wanted to do something for her. How to cook would probably cook. That's awesome for an M1 to be like, oh, Mikey cooked me a meal. Yeah. Think about it. Mikey, great. Done. I'm on board with catering. I'm on board with eating. Because I mean, you know, Mexican food. It's a tired bit. It's a tired bit. No, it's never tired. Can I make pesto? Yeah, if you want me not to eat. I'll bring a sack lunch. But I'll be there. I'll bring the wife. We'll bring sack lunches and make your pesto. There'll be like some dip. for appetizers and stuff. Sounds great. How did I grow up, Peter Pan? Chicken. All right, it's time to give L.O.B. her gifts because she is turning 30 years old today. Hold on, let me get my pants off. Oh, wow. So subtle. So subtle. I'm going to expose myself to L.O.B. now. I'm not. That's what you call a single entendre. Single entendre.
Where it has one single meaning. That's our boy. That's right. It's our boy. Why don't you start, Sienna? Okay. That's a very sweet. That is so cute. Isn't it cute? A little fairy bag. Gift bag. Oh my God! Big cake. Big chocolate cake, of course. Chocolate. I'm going to cry. What do you know? No, the cake inside is white cake because... Jay knows that Woods does not like chocolate cake, so it has chocolate frosting. Oh, wow. Best of both worlds. Happy birthday, pal. You don't like chocolate cake, Woods? I don't like the cake, but oh, that looks good. I like the frosting. Do you like white cake? I know you like dark better than white. I usually prefer everything dark, but... That makes my mouth weird. No, I'm just kidding. I like it. I love it. You guys are gonna like this thing that I have. We need to light the candles, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel weird inside. Woods, you smoke. Do you have a lighter? I smoke two cigarettes a day. I leave them in my car. Oh, okay. Can we light this inside? Yeah, it's just a candle. We'll do it after. We'll do it after. All right. I really am excited. No, you can't do it without lighting the candles. We've got to light it. I feel like the sprinklers are going to go off. Why don't we do the cake right now? You guys, we can't have our cake and eat it, too. Yeah. Let's just look at it. All right, come on. I've got to tear through because we're in the air. You guys are going to laugh. What is it? No, it's so good. It's a little...
It's a little cute stuffed cat. It's a little stuffed cat. It's got a Santa outfit on. And it's singing Santa Baby. Fantastic. By the way, for those of you that don't know, some may be wondering, well, why that? Why Santa Baby? Why Santa Baby? Because Lauren once did a very, very sexy rendition of Santa Baby. That is hilarious. The thing goes like... She's got attitude. I don't know, it reminded me of Eskimo or something. Oh my gosh! It looks like a gold feather or something. It's gorgeous. Thank you so much. You're welcome.
A gold feather? It's beautiful. It looks like a feather or a leaf or something. It's a necklace. It's very cool. It's a necklace. Thank you so much, Sienna. You're welcome. Hurry, L.O.V. I'm trying. We have to rush through it. I have a story to tell you. A story? Yeah, I do. Jay gave her panties. No. It's like a pashmina. It's called an infinity scarf. Did you pick this out? Duh. Wow. And a hat. Cute. All ready for the winter. Maddie did it, didn't she? Maddie helped me. Maddie helped me. It's really cute. That's cool stuff. It's a scarf. This is really in. Thank you so much. Woods, you go. It's right there. It's a card. That's from you. Yeah hard. That's from me hard. Yeah, there's something in there What's up? Yes, you didn't you? Is it a gift? No, just say she's opening just a corner. Yes, you're doing it Cut loose. Oh, is it? What's this? That's what cash? Oh
$40. Thank you. You're welcome. That's $40. That is so thoughtful. $29.20 in a car. Yep. What? That is so informal. That will gas up your car, L.O.B. So what does that say? I said, L.O.B., I couldn't find a black guy for you. So I thought maybe you treat yourself to some kombucha on me. Love you. I can get lots of kombucha with this. You are a clown. Percentage of chance. What's up? Percentage of chance that Woods went to the ATM this morning. The money is pretty crisp. Here's the deal. I don't have a Y. Is there an infinity percent? I don't have. I don't have a wife or a daughter to buy my gifts for me. I don't have a wife or a daughter to buy my gifts for me. She works full time. My wife, no, I was busy. I run the home now. You were laying on the floor picking apples. There is nothing wrong with cash. Cash is dynamite. It's a dynamite gift.
It's a bit impersonal. A bit. L.O.B. knows the way I feel about her. Yeah. She does. I gave my mom cash. L.O.B., is that more personal coming from me than, I don't know, sending my wife out to buy your gift or my daughter out to buy your gift? I didn't send anybody. Oh, my gosh. It doesn't matter. Even if you did, the gift was purchased thinking of her. Listen, I picked L.O.B.'s gift and my wife got it. You picked it where? I picked it... Well, she hasn't opened it yet. It's very beautifully wrapped, I will say that. And I didn't wrap it. I know you didn't. You didn't even... You might not even paid for it. No, that's not true. He did so. Here's the truth. The truth is that I picked and Rebecca got. And wrapped. I don't know if that's a true statement. That is a true statement. It doesn't matter. You've got L.O.B. cash. Are you a grandfather or a grandmother? Go out and have a good time there, little girl. Here's the deal. She can do whatever she wants with it. That's $40. She can go spend it any way her little sweetheart desires. When she rides little go-karts. Yes. $40. Why don't you go out and get yourself something pretty? I like what he did because...
I've given cash before. And you have to put with the intention of the money, like just saying, go ahead and get whatever you want is a little bit of like the, I had no idea what you might like and I didn't put any thought into it. So here you go. But he put, go ahead and get yourself some kombucha. I didn't wait till last minute. I got the card last night. And you made the 20s yourself. I got the 20s this morning, yes. But here's the deal. I didn't have time. I don't have little indentured servants running around for me. Is that the deal? Her birthday isn't a surprise. We knew it was coming. You had the weekend last weekend. Indentured servants? Yeah, I don't have indentured servants. And I do, in fairness to Woods. I do have indentured servants. My daughter doesn't work at a boutique to bring stuff home that I can reimburse her for. You know what I mean? I'm a busy guy. You had forever. I've had that Santa baby cat for weeks in my house. Yeah, and she'll enjoy that for five minutes. No way. I'm going to have that out every Christmas. That's going to look really good on the show. Hey, don't attack. Don't attack. I'm getting attacked. Don't attack. I'm getting attacked. Because you. I'm getting attacked. Because you're so insensitive. It's five against one. And because you.
I'm gonna ask Rebecca if she'll pick up your gift for me as well. Yeah, that would be a good idea Here's the deal. You know the difference in you and I the only difference is we both paid for the gift I just gave her the cash value you had nothing to do with that. That's not true. That's not true Woods It isn't true. You can get Rebecca on the line and she'll tell you I told her what to get. You told her the idea of what to get. She picked it. No, I didn't. She picked it. Woods, she got it. I told her what I wanted. You guys are all good gift givers. That's really nice. I wish that I could have had one of my servants get you something. Chris, can you take a picture of this? This is so nice. It's so pretty. We're going to put these pictures up later. I didn't. Can I open the card now, too? Yes. I didn't wrap it. Being attacked. Woods was hitting a plastic bottle against the camera. He was so mad. I'm being attacked. Are you ganged up on? Whoa, a recycled card. Wow. Perfect. Thank you. Perfect. Good job, Rebecca. Really? Great work. Really? R-E. Oh, it's got the earth on it. That's right. Good job, Rebecca. You're so thoughtful. That's right.
Wait, should I read this now? You don't have to. I'm not going to read it now because it's long. Was it written by Mike or by Rebecca? Oh, but the one thing I see underlined, I'm going to read the highlights. Made from 100% recycled junk mail. Thank you very much, he says. And then he would say, he'd like to say that his wife wrapped it, but I picked it. It's underlined four times. I did. And then there's something, oh, I'm not going to read that. All right, and now, hello. Let's see what Rebecca got you. What? I'm so excited to see what she got you. Better than 220. Is it? I'd love 40 bucks for my birthday. His wife wrapped it, but he picked it out. That's right. Don't take away from that. I did. Now, if I open the gift and you think it's stupid, then you can make fun of it. No, I'm not going to make fun of his gift. It's nice. It's just the thought that counts. It is the thought that counts. We can do. I'm actually worried about this one. You are? I don't know.
We'll see. You ever just have a hard time? You want to get started on that? Yeah, Rebecca wraps things in a way, and they're beautiful. They're beautiful, but it's like Port Knox. Yeah, she's very good. She's like a professional. She is. This looks like a recycled box as well. Little blue cherry blossom wrapping. Woods, would you like scissors? Thanks, buddy. This is like a Laverne necklace. Wow. Oh, it says it has an L on it. I bet you don't have any problems thinking I picked it out now. Oh, my gosh. I love it. I know. It's like the Laverne. It is. It is. Don't you think? It is. It's pretty. It's like a little silver necklace that has an L on it. I love it. It's got a little cursive L on it. Oh, my gosh. Rebecca has such good taste in jewelry. What? Incredible. Stop it. Rebecca wouldn't have picked that. No, I used to have a sweater when I was a little girl that had my sister had C for Carly and I had L for Lauren and it looked exactly like that. I used to call it my Laverne sweater. There you go. Thank you. Now there's another gift that she's getting to. Woods always thinks that he knows what I'm up to. Oh, Rebecca. What is it? What is it? Now let me explain. It's a throw. It's a throw.
I wanted L.O.B. to have a nice blanket. I wanted her to have a nice blanket. And so I had my wife go pick it up. Wow. Wow, I was going to say, and you know it's from Mike because it says Z Gallery on it. That's right. Or the Esparza, as you could say. But you went online, picked one out, and said, hey, hun, can you go pick that up? Close. Very close. Babe, can you run down to Z Gallery and get a blanket for LOB? That's how that went. I got it. They both were on the computer looking around together, and he said, I want that, and Rebecca ordered it online. I'll tell you how it went. I had one in mind, and my wife thought that this one would be better. And she made an executive. That's what wives are for. She chose it. She made an executive decision. And chose Ella B's gift. No, she would not have gotten a blanket if it wasn't for mine. No, no, no, no, no. I said Z Gallery gave her the blanket. She went to Z Gallery, got a different blanket. I didn't have anybody run my errands for me, so I had to do the best I could. I didn't have anybody run my errands for me. Maybe one of those 20s can be from Jamie.
Yes, 20 from me, 20 from Jamie. Enjoy, L.O.B. You enjoy every bit of it. I will. Because I know you will. You know, here's the funny thing. She's going to be riding around with that blanket and her cat in the back of the car, and she's going to go, I'm freaking... The cat sings Santa, baby. I got 40 bucks that Woods gave me. Holy crap. You know what I want you to do? I want you to tuck it back in that wallet, and I want you to forget about it until you really need it, L.O.B. I will. Bless the day that you met me. Thank you all so much. You're welcome. Happy birthday. Thank you. Eggnog and Jog and Woods on Sports are next. You don't like this song? I don't want to know it. I'm sorry. Fair enough. Flat out. Flat out. Don't talk to me anymore. Come on. I feel nauseous. Everyone in the room is full and everyone in the room is about to do a eggnog and jog. Meaning chug eggnog and run. Yeah, engineers are in here getting everything mic'd up. We're going to be running through, they're going to be running through the building. I'm going to be calling the action. And we're going to be doing all of that in just a second. First, got to let you know today is Lauren's 30th birthday. Happy birthday. And Lauren's mother is on the line. Hello.
Hi, Lauren. Hi. Hi, honey. How are you? Good. How are you doing? I almost got fired. I was on hold for almost 10 minutes. Almost got fired. How are you? I'm good. I'm standing out here. It's pretty chilly out here. Yeah, I bet. I bet. You're in New Jersey. Yeah. I've been calling from New Jersey from my job. I'm standing outside like an idiot. Is it snowing? I'm not saying, no, but all the patients are looking at me because I'm standing here practicing my other mother. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. That is other mother. Is other mother here? She's with me. She's in the parking lot. She's talking now underneath the tires. Underneath the tires? That sounds dangerous. Oh, my gosh. Can we talk to other mother? Yeah, can we talk to her? Do you want to talk? Well, can I wish my lovely southern belle daughter a happy birthday?
Of course. Yeah, sure. Yeah, absolutely. This is Lauren's mom during her bed. Hi. Hi. I'm good. You sound a little choked up over there. Are you sad? Your mother is beating me up. This is Lauren's mom. You wonder where she gets it? You wonder where she gets it? You wonder where she gets it? Oh, gosh. It's not funny. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Hey, other mother. That's so good. Tell your daughter, Lauren, how much you love her. So much. I love you, too, Other Mother. That's so great. That's so great. You going to go away now that I'm 30? I'm thinking about it. Never. Never. Never. No way. No way. Oh, my gosh. Other Mother, I love you. Hey, Other Mother, what does Lauren's mom do when you have the phone? Does she try to get it back, or what does she do? No. She's biting her tongue.
Lauren is mortified. She's beet red, beet red, face in hands, beet red, smiling, beet red. Other Mother, we love you. We love you, Other Mother. You can call anytime. Please. I love Lauren. Oh, wow. I can't compete. I can't compete. Wow. Well, thank you, Other Mother. It was a pleasure to talk to you. It was great. Thank you very much, and I'll call on your birthday, too, my dear. I would love it. That's a gift. I would love it. I would love it. Oh, my God. Thank you, other mothers. Oh, man. Bye. Bye. Oh, my God. Isolate. Isolate. Isolate. That's so great. That's so great. So good. Bye. Bye. Still hanging out? Are we going to talk to your mom now? I don't know. Her mom already said happy birthday. Oh, she already said happy birthday. She's probably got to go back to work. Should I hang up? Yeah, I think so. Other mother, are you there? Yeah. She's gone. There she goes. Just like that. Wow. Bravo. That might be the last time we ever hear from her. I'll pay her. I'll put her on a stipend. She's so great. Yeah, there's no way that's the last time we're going to ever hear from her. There are certain things that will just never go away.
See what I mean. Woods, Woods, Woods. Woods, Woods, Woods. Woods on Sports. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. The Chargers are gearing up for a big, big division game on Sunday. It's against the Oakland Raiders. It's at home. It will not be blacked out. Nice. Applause. Applause, please. Yes. 105 start on Sunday. Phillip Rivers is stoked. He knows they get a second chance, cut one. Anytime you play teams twice, you feel like you know them better. And, of course, in the division, they probably feel like they know us well also. So, you know, anytime division teams go against each other, you have a great feel for one another. And it really comes down to out-executing because we obviously know what each other is. You know, what they like to do. They know what we like to do. It's just a matter of who can put together the best football. Love him. Love him. My man. He's my boyfriend. Wide receiver Vincent Jackson almost certainly will not play on Sunday. We waited all year for VJ to come back. Played two plays on Monday night, and now he's heard he's got a bum calf or something. So he's not going to be joining the team on the field, which is not good. No, it's not. Also, tonight.
is the return of LeBron James to the Cleveland Cavaliers. This is an interesting story. A little side note. The Cavaliers owner, Dan Gilbert, says, hey, man, I've moved on from this. I was over it in 24 hours. Okay, Dan, why did you hire a law firm to investigate the circumstances surrounding the LeBron leaving for Miami? Why did you hire a law firm to go after the Miami Heat and look for something that they did illegally? If you were over it. If you were over it. It's going to be... I don't watch basketball all that much. I'm going to try to find that game on tonight. I want to see that reaction. But here's LeBron talking about coming back to Cleveland, cut two. I got a lot of great memories in that city. So many times from ups and downs and, you know, a lot of things that I've done in my life. I give a lot of thanks to that city, a lot of thanks to those fans for giving me the opportunity to not only showcase my talent but grow from a young boy to a man. He's gonna get booed off the floor. It's gonna be vicious. No hold back. Yeah, and no holds barred. That's what I meant. No holding back. Yeah, no holding back. And finally... No hold black. Yeah. Except for love. And finally...
The NCAA has ruled Cam Newton eligible to play. He can now focus on playing for the SEC championship instead of worrying about getting paid for playing like, you know, the big scandal. And they have said that he will not be punished for the payment scheme concocted by his father, Cecil. Now, Cecil has been told, hey man, stay away from... Everything. Everything. Keep a low profile. But that's good news for Cam Newton. He can get this monkey off his back and go out and play and compete for national championship. You guys ready to do the eggnog and jog? No. It is time for the eggnog and jog, which we will post pictures of this. Boys versus girls. On the internet. Yeah, it is guys versus girls. It's Jay and Woods versus Ella B, who's our birthday girl, and Sienna. In front of them right now, in clear. Disgusting. You know what that looks like? It looks like baby formula, but it's eggnog. One thing it looks like. It's so thick, as thick as a milkshake. L-O-V! It does look like a milkshake. Oh, you creep. I don't take milk. Uh-huh. And so I would say there's probably 10 ounces in those. 10 ounces in each little cup. And each person will have to chug.
Two of those, which is about 16 ounces. Two? No. No one. One per person. Oh, yeah, yeah. One per person. And we're doing it relay style. So it's, you know, who's starting? They are. Lauren and Jay are going to chug. Then they're going to run around the building. Right, Mike? Inside, in the hallway. And then they're going to come back, tag Woods and I when they get back, and then we do the same thing. Yeah. So you chug when we get back. Wait, wait, wait. What's the punishment? What's the punishment? For the loser. This is punishment. No. BB gun. No, you guys like the BB gun. Yeah, exactly. You girls have to do the BB gun because they do the BB gun all the time. They don't like the BB gun. I'll do the BB gun. I hate the BB gun. You'll do the BB gun on your birthday? Absolutely. Look what she's wearing though. She's like in a thin skirt. Oh, it's fine. It's going to hurt. I know. It's going to hurt. What's ours? I'll do the BB gun, yeah. What's ours? Maybe you guys. Touch tongues. That's filthy. That is so filthy. That's filthy. Well, here's the deal.
There's no chance that we lose to these broads. Because Jay and I can chug. You know that. And we're faster. We can run, though. You're faster. LLB's pretty fast. But I think I can take jugs over there. So I think we'll be all right. I forgot we support. Yeah. All right. We'll touch. I'm finger quoting. We're going to touch tongue. Jay, are you on board with this? Because you guys may have to do it. Have you seen his tongue? Dude. Your tongue is old and decrepit. We're on the same team here. Why are we arguing? Let's go. Because we're talking about to my mouth. Let's get together. Hey, hey, hey. You're athletic. Yes. You are spry. And now I'm kissing a dude. No, you're not kissing. We'd have to lose for that to happen. Hey, even if you lost, you're not kissing. We're not kissing. We're touching. Not touching tongs, you weirdos. Win, win, win, girls. They're not going to touch tongs. Guys, win. Guys, win. Guys, win. So you got to make sure they finish their glass. So we're going out and all the way around. Jay and Lauren are going first. They're chugging. Our engineer Bill just looked like he was spiking you guys. I hope he did. He's got a little flask. I'm nervous. On your mark.
Get set. Go. All right, Jay definitely got a jump on it. He's almost done. He is done. Jay is done and running. Lauren's running. Lauren's running. Lauren was a track star. They're out of the, they're out the door. I know, they're out the door. They're running down the building. Let's listen in because we put microphones out there. Let's listen in. It's in our holes. I can hear it. I can hear it. I can hear it. I'm so nervous. Here's Lauren. Lauren's running. Peter. Lauren beat her. Okay, they're drinking. Woods is drinking and Sienna is finished. They're running out the door. What? What? What? She's running out. She's running out. There was already... Woods spit some of it out of his mouth onto the carpet. That was Sienna. That was Sienna? Let's listen to them running the hallway. I called foul. She checked me in the wall. I called foul. She checked me like a hockey player. Are you for real?
I ran with my headphones. I forgot they were plugged in. Oh my gosh. Lauren blocked my way. Lauren blocked. Lauren blocked my way. I can't stop laughing. Oh my gosh. And it came up right with your headphones. You've got to get a picture of her face. Holy cow. Holy cow. That's BS. Please take a picture. It's not hockey. Chris, take a picture of what came out of Sietta's mouth. It's not hockey. I just went down like a little girl. She checked me into the wall like, no, bam! I had the hugest, I had this long lead. It was not that big. And I ran the wrong way down, the hallway goes straight. And I followed him. And she fell, and then she pushed me. I did not push! And then she encouraged me. She blocked me on my way out. And she blocked him on the way out. I was like, move, move!
The girls cheat. That was BS. No way. I was like, L-O-B, move. There's no winner in this. It was just run. It just happened. We didn't mean it. You got muscled by two girls. Oh my gosh, that was the most fun I ever had. I was like starting to kind of goof around. Woods and Jay are having a hard time looking at each other right now. Both have their hands on their hips. They're both looking really masculine right now. Oh, what? Stop it. What is he doing? He's acting like Al Bundy. Stop. I'm out of breath still. I quit. My shoulder hurts. She put me in the wall. She was like...
It was like Eric Lindros driving me to the wall. I was like, no, you can't check people. Oh, I wish I could have seen that. I wish I could have seen that. I wish I could have seen that. That's why I was laughing so hard. I can hear this. Let me tell you the image that will never leave my mind is Sienna coming in first. Yeah. Sienna running in before. That's an image that I'll never forget. And laughing hysterically with eggnog dripping down her chin. I will never erase that. I love the fact she ran away with her headphones on. Headphones on. She started running with her headphones and they snagged like a St. Bernard attached to the doghouse. Luckily for her, L.O.B. was blocking my path. She had no problem. I didn't mean to. Chris is trying to take pictures. I run him down.
There was too much going on in here. I didn't know where to go. Do your thing. I don't want to see it. Do your thing. Do your thing. Really? Woods' tongue is out. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. One, two, three. Chris is shaking. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. They did. Jay is chugging eggnog. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. What? Woods has a wooden stirring coffee stir. I can't even talk. Stop it, Woods. That sucks. Woods has one of those wooden coffee stirs and he's like brushing his tongue with it. Oh, that made me want to throw up watching that. Oh, my gosh. That was. Oh, my gosh. You know what you can imagine? Imagine in the movie A Christmas Story when the little boy put his tongue to the frozen street light. Oh, my gosh. To the frozen post.
That's what they both looked like. And they were so afraid. And it was like a little magnet in both. And it went, for just a second, it went, dink! And then they went, dink! My gosh. You guys had such tongues. No! I don't want to ever be. Creepy. You guys just Frenched. Oh, shut up. Frenching takes movement. There was no movement. We have our first Mikey Show hookup. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, lovely. I want to play it again. It was so fun. That was so fun. Lovely. I'll never, ever get that. There's two visuals that are never going to leave my head. Picture is up. Tastes like wintergreen. Yeah! Tastes like Copenhagen Long. I got some gum if you guys want it. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Oh, I may throw up. You what, Lauren? Yeah! You cheat. You cheat. We didn't cheat. Girls are off. Faster.
He didn't swallow it all. Hey, when we come back, I have never heard of this happening before, but someone actually quit one of the biggest reality shows that there is on TV. They quit in the middle of it, and they show them quitting, and it's pretty crazy. We'll do it for you next. I have not said the word of the day yet, which is goose. When I say goose, you've got to be caller 9-570-1949. And you will win a pair of Linkin Park tickets and a Mikey Show t-shirt. Also, Mikey-thon. If you go to MikeyShow.com, you will see that we have a timer up counting down until the Mikey-thon. 13 days, 21 hours, 55 minutes. How about that? It's coming up. You had a breath?
No, I'm fine. I'm dying a little bit. I am so wound up. Me too. I have a lead balloon in my stomach, but I'm fine. I know. I feel a little queasy. Foul. Let's see. From the Mikey Show Facebook page, which is facebook.com slash Mikey Show, M1 Jock says, Hey, Woods and Jay, you know how I know you're gay? Because you touch tongues with men? Oh, boy. Best bit ever, guys. I laughed so hard I had to pull over. Love that. Good thing you pulled over. M1 Christine says, I'm dying listening to your show right now. Other mother and eggnog relay with Woods and Jay. OMG. In case you missed it, Woods and Jay touched tongues. Because Lord and I beat him at the relay. Let's never talk about that again. Number one, we beat them. Eggnog and Jay. She did. Number two, they touched tongues. This is the best day of my life. It's like a win-win for you guys. It was. Great. It was not a win-win for me. Or me. And Lauren and I both pushed the guys against the wall while running. And spit out your eggnog. And blocked some of our... I didn't mean to block. Really?
I think you might have meant to block a little. No, he drank so fast and I was catching my breath. She was like Mike Alstott blocking as a fullback when I tried to get out. I got thrown into the office. I was a D lineman coming off the line and LB just chip blocks me into the wall and then Sienna checks me into the wall. Chest check. Yeah, chest check. Oh my gosh. We have a celebrity interview in just a couple of minutes from Holiday Fruitcake. And I've got some other stuff for you right now. Today is Britney Spears' birthday. Yeah. And it was reported that there was a conversation between her and her ex-husband. Nope. Her other ex-husband. Boyfriend. That was her husband. Jason Alexander. That's the first one that they married in Vegas. They married in Vegas and had to get it annulled. They were on ecstasy when they got married. How do you not? Because they said. Because he was there. They said that they were on ecstasy? Yeah, they were jacked up and slept in like two days. Did they say they were on ecstasy? Yeah, I'm telling you. They did. Yes. Here? Really? Yeah. I never saw that. Oh, yeah. Was it a documentary? Yes. And it was called Jason and I Do X. Yeah. It was called The Hangover. He came out and did a big interview and said that, yeah, they were on X when they did it. Really? Yeah.
Hitched on X. Good move, Jason. Well, so you know, Britney Spears' reps have said that this is a fake thing and that it's not really Britney on this tape. What it is, is Jason Alexander, her ex-husband, taping a phone conversation with her while she says that her current husband, is it her husband or boyfriend? Her current boyfriend beat her. But her people have said, isn't really her. How's your problems with your fiance? I thought he proposed to you or something at the beach. Oh, come on. That's not Britney Spears. That doesn't sound like Britney Spears. No. Before or after he beat on me. I didn't even know he proposed and I was talking to my mom and she was telling me, oh, Britney's engaged or something. And this was, I think, after you told me about him. black in your eye or whatever, but I don't know. That's not Britney Spears. No. Like, how did he think he'd get away with that? I don't know, but that ain't Britney Spears. So what's happening with you and your problems? He's like reading a script. Yeah. Talk to me about K-Fed. Tell me how he hurt you. What did he... Doe? What did he doe to you?
Why do you think that he did... That. That. That. TH makes that sound. Why did he T-hat to you? He didn't T-hat me. He T-hood me. I told you. I done told you that. What? What? What? Oh, my God. Yeah, there's no way that's her. Uh-uh. So her rep said that it's not now? Mm-hmm. Breaking news. Jay has arranged for us, because it's a holiday season, to have a pretty exclusive interview. It's tough to get. Let me see. Hang on just a minute. We're just making sure we got this. Did you get the bio, the one sheet I put together? Yeah. It's a big interview. How'd you get this interview? It's all in who you know, dude. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Just hear those sleigh bells jingling. I think we got them.
Is this holiday fruitcake? Yes. Hi, how are you? Is this Mikey? Yes, it is. Hello. How are you? Happy holidays. Thank you very much. Where's Sienna? I'm right here. Hi, Sienna. Hi. Happy birthday, Lauren. Thank you. Where's Jay? Jay's here as well. Hi, Jay. Where's Woods? Hey. Woods is here too. Woods is so handsome. Oh, yeah. Thanks. So what's going on, fellas and ladies? Not too much. Is this... Jay, is this the right interview? Yeah. This is a holiday fruitcake. What's his name? What's your name? Fruitcake. I know, but you're clearly... Talking. Talking. Yes, and? Well, then what is your name? Fruitcake. Like the kind that you... Mr. Cake? Yeah. Did I stutter? No, but... Where are you right now? I'm at Vaughn. What are you doing at Vaughn? I'm in a freaking tin can. Waiting for somebody to buy me and take me home and eat me. People will buy you, but I don't know if they'll eat you. I have become more decorative. Yes. I've really become, and it's unfortunate, kind of like a gag gift. People give me away and they're like, ha ha, I got you a fruitcake.
But I'll tell you what, in the 50s, I was a freaking player. You were. I was a player. What happened? Well, you know, Pepperidge Farm and all these delicious cookies and Keyblers. All these companies came out with this delicious stuff. And, you know, the old fruitcake gets pushed to the back. Yeah. So let me ask you, fruitcake. What? And if you're just tuning in, we're talking to Fruitcake, who has clearly... Don't call... I am a fruitcake. Don't call me fruitcake. I'm a fruitcake. We're talking to a fruitcake. And it's just really important that we ask a lot of questions that we probably would have always wanted to ask. Yeah. Fire away. How much do you cost? $4.99. Used to retail for $12. But demand isn't there anymore. Yeah. I'm the only food afflicted by deflation. What kind of fruit is on you? There's cranberries. There's nuts, of course.
There's cherries. It's really just kind of a... Excuse me. What? Gosh, there's cherries. Why are there, of course, nuts? I don't get that. There's nuts. It's delicious. Who doesn't like fruitcake besides everybody? Are you firm or are you spongy or what's the deal? I'm firm. L-O-B? Yeah. I know it's your birthday, but you just be real careful talking to fruitcake, all right? Be careful. Because I think that the fruitcake is spicy enough on its own. Yeah. It's really sweet, Mike. I'm not that spicy. Are you salty? Jay, as you're talking to the fruitcake, be careful as you talk to the fruitcake, because I think that this fruitcake is plenty fruity enough on its own. Thank you. Thank you, Mike. I appreciate that. You're very welcome, fruitcake. Thank you. I was just curious. I've never had fruitcake before. Well, then you're missing out, sweetie. You haven't lived until you put fruitcake in your mouth. Okay? You haven't lived. Ask Mikey. I bet he eats a lot of fruitcake. Why don't you shut your mouth, fruitcake? I think Jay and Woods eat a lot of fruitcake.
I think they just did all year round. What's the deal? Do you have questions prepared? Yes, I do. Fire away, Mike. I can't just sit here on the shelf at Vons all day. Are you lonely at Vons? No, I'm not lonely. There's cookies and candies around me, and it's fine, you know. What's the average age of the person that buys you? 140. Average. That's the average. You'll get some spry 89-year-old. Wouldn't you be a moldy fruitcake by then? No, I'm not moldy. I have preservatives. How long do you usually sit on the shelf for? Seven to 12 years. I've been at this one. I used to be up at the Bonds and Hillcrest. I've gotten shipped down here in Mission Valley. That was about six years ago. I'm looking for a good home. Six years ago. Hopefully somebody will come along and buy you later. I'm not a big fan of fruitcake. Aren't you? I don't know anybody that really enjoys fruitcake. Mike, I've seen you in the cookie and candy aisle from time to time. You in the woods and sniffing around, you know, treating yourself to big handfuls of cookies and candies and creams and stuff. Yes. Why don't you come down here and pick me up today? Okay, I'll do that. Fruitcake, thank you so much for taking time. Is that it?
Good luck. I would love to talk to you. It's just that I've run out of questions, really. Are you kidding? How many times have you interviewed a fruitcake in your career? Okay, here's a question. One too many, I think. Here's a question for you. Do famous people ever buy you? Oh, gosh. Famous people love me. Like? Dustin Bieber. Elton John. Okay. Ellen DeGeneres, huge fan. Gosh, I'm trying to... All of those people are gay. They are? Justin Bieber. Oh, that's true. I thought he was like, I thought fruitcake was making a joke. Trust me. I think he was trying to. He's a homosexual. Oh, no, he's not. Here's the deal. Yeah, Mike, just a lot of people really through history have been, you know, big eaters of fruitcake. Anyone that we wouldn't suspect. Freddie Mercury. Liberace. Yeah, predictable. She said anybody we wouldn't suspect. Mike Esparza. Oh. Eats fruitcake. By the dozen. Juicy. Why don't you hang up the phone now, fruitcake? Fine. Good luck over there. Good luck. Jeff and Jer are up, too, or some other morning show will have me. Good luck. Good luck. Are you on a tour this morning? Are you doing a radio tour? Yes, I have several calls lined up. Do you? Yes. Jagger and Christy coming up next? Yes, absolutely. You going to do the show this morning? 100%. Why wouldn't I?
All right. Well, sounds great. We'll talk to you, I guess. We'll see you. Toodaloo. All right. Toodaloo. Toodaloo. Toodles. I like the fruitcake. Oh, that fruitcake. Very friendly. He's really something else, isn't he? Live and let live. That's right. Oh, Woods must have been in the bathroom. He's just come back into the room. Yeah, I'm going to get sick from the eggnog. Yeah. Sorry. Oh, my gosh. She's a big black bear. There's a big black bear statue that was left. Someone gave Lauren for her birthday a statue of a black bear. Who's Aloe Black? And a record album that has a black guy in a white tuxedo. It's signed. Signed by him. By Aloe Black. Nice. That is killer. It's an album of a black guy in a white tuxedo with a red bow tie. Chris said when AK dropped it off. Is that right, Chris? He can't hear me. Yeah, Chris, can you hear me? Chris, M1AK? M1AK? He dropped it off. Thank you, man. Wow. That is great. Wow. What a cool gift. Now, somebody has to buy me a record player. That's right. Maybe I'll take that $40 from Woods and get myself a record player. Yes, L.O.B. That's a great idea. Did the bear come from the same person? Yeah. It's just a big black bear. That's fantastic. That's what every white girl in America wants. Don't, don't stop Sienna.
Let's play Don't Stump Sienna. 570-1949 is our number. Call us right now. And this is the key to Don't Stump Sienna. You win as long as she gets the question right. It's unusual when I do. See. Yes. I just got it again. You do not want to stump her. See, the deal is that she is 25. 25, born in 85, graduated high school in 2003. This is correct. Wow. Yeah. Some perspective. Much like my wife, there are a lot of things that she just doesn't care about. And a lot of those things have to do with 80s pop culture and before. 90s pop culture. Some 90s. A lot of 90s.
The 90s. Mostly the 90s. That's right. Mostly all of it. Mostly 99% of it. Right. If she answers one of these questions, you win. If she answers one of these questions, you win. Is that right? Each of us, people pick us, and then we read a question for Sienna, and they figure out if they're going to get it right or wrong. They don't have to pick us. We just go around and ask her. But if they get it, if Sienna gets it correct, they win. Is that right? Yeah. See how terrible I am? I'm with you. There's a feeling it's like if she gets it wrong, you win. Is that right? No, no, no. It's do not stump Sienna. So if you stump me, then I'm getting it wrong. I came up with this game and I can't remember my own rules. I think the first way you said it. You don't stump her and you win. That's it. Let's see. M1, George from Delcero. Hey, Mikey Show. How you doing? I'm doing all right. Happy birthday, Lauren. Thank you. You're welcome. You ready to do this? I am. All right, I'm going to ask Sienna the first question. If she gets it right, you win. Okay. Sienna, what position did Mikhail Gorbachev hold, and what was his most distinguishing physical feature? What position? Yes. Rodeo cowboy. Mm-hmm. And he had a unibrow.
That is incorrect, Sienna. On both accounts. He did not. He was, in fact, the leader of the Soviet Union, and he had a big, giant, large birthmark on his head. Not a unibrow? No, not a unibrow. He might have had a unibrow. He may have. But it wasn't his distinguishing feature. I'm sorry, George. You did not stump Sienna. You did stump him. You did stump him. I'm sorry, you did. M1 Steve from the OC. Are you there? Yeah. What's up, guys? Happy birthday, LLB. Thank you. All right. Jay is going to ask you a question. Sienna. Bring it. Here we go. Who sang the famous song, I Can't Drive, 55? Weird Al. Good guess. That is incorrect. It's a good guess. It's a good guess. But it is incorrect, Sienna. Oh, boy. I'm sorry about that. You stumped her, Steve. Sorry, Steve. You stumped her. M1 Mile? Is that how you pronounce it? M-E-I-L. Meal. Meal. Okay. From Mission Beach. Yummy. Ocean Beach. All right. From Ocean Beach. All right. Woods is going to ask you a question. On Happy Days, what animal did Fonzie jump his motorcycle over? A shark. Wow! Yes, Sienna!
Did I win? You win, Val. You won. Pick a winner-vention. There you go, dude. I love me some Fonz. Oh, yeah. I did not know that. You didn't stump Sienna, so you win. Hang on the line. Awesome. Nice. He's a big wiener. Sienna. Yeah. Sienna. So you remember that. Fonzie, the shark, the whole deal. Ron Howard. That's right. Ron Howard. M1, Katie from San Diego. Yes. Happy birthday, L.O.B. Thank you. Thank you. All right, this is the final one. Are you ready? Yep. L.O.B. We're both ready. L.O.B., go ahead. Okay. Where did a Chinese student stand in front of a tank? A fish tank at Benihana. Yes, maybe. Technically, that could have happened. It happens all the time. Do they have a fish tanker? Yeah, but it's Japanese there. This is a Chinese student standing in front of a tank, and it happened at Tiananmen Square. Who knows that? It happened at Tiananmen Square. Sorry about that, Katie. Thank you, guys.
We love you. Thank you. We love you, too. We love you. I got the shark. You did get the shark. You did get the shark, and you did one. All right. Pathetic. Oh, I did not tell you about the person quitting on the TV show. They quit on the reality show. Yeah, it's ridiculous. And you saw it, right, Jay? Oh, yeah. All right, so we'll tell you all about it next. So last night, something happened that doesn't happen very often. Somebody quit a reality show. Now, I don't know that this has ever happened before. So I'm going to ask Jay because he actually saw it. We'll ask him in a second. What's going on in the news, Sienna? Well, yesterday the Obama administration said they will not allow the exploration of potential offshore drilling.
in the eastern Gulf of Mexico or anywhere else along the eastern coast of the U.S. So they're reversing their decision that they made earlier this year. Also, last night, Governor Schwarzenegger declared a state of emergency for San Diego County. Now, this is at the site of the Escondido home, which they're calling the bomb factory. They're going to burn down the house. As I said yesterday, it's going to be happening as early as next week, and all the neighbors surrounding this house will be evacuated. Part of the 15 freeway will be closed. It's going to be crazy. People are freaking out about this. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Derek Anderson came out yesterday and apologized. Let's hear his apology, Mike. Cut three. I'd like to first just apologize for my actions after the game. There's a more professional manner that I could handle that. I wasn't raised that way. My mom and my dad didn't raise me to act like that in times of adversity. Or adversity. Obviously, I was very frustrated by what had happened during the game, and I let the emotions get the best of me. He wanted to, or they said, we think you should do an apology. Yeah, who knows? I mean, it's one of those things where you're not going to, what's it going to hurt by apologizing? And I listened to the apology. I was like, all right, cool. Stop making fun of you. You know, it's just one of those deals. And the Padres have cut ties with Tony Gwynn Jr. and Scott Harrison. Gwynn batted.
Not very well. Oh, my gosh. That's so sad. I know. 2-0-4 last year, and that just doesn't cut it, man. As a leadoff hitter, he had a 3-0-4 on-base percentage. And they got Cameron Maben now, who is a little bit more solid of a hitter. And Gwen's got a great glove. He'll fit in somewhere. Wow. Bummer. That is a bummer. Word of the day is goose. When you hear me say that between now and 10, all you have to do is be calling number nine. You'll win a pair of tickets to see Linkin Park and also Mikey's show. T-shirt. Yeah. Which would be great. The 10 o'clock album, or 8 o'clock album tonight is Foo Fighters. One by one. So be listening for it. Tonight. 8 o'clock. Okay, so, again, never heard of this happening. This doesn't really happen very often. Where somebody will, on a reality show, quit during the show. Purple Kelly. You now have a 1 in 8 shot. at winning this game. Your odds just improved with Nayanka quitting. You gonna stay and fight or you gonna quit? I'm gonna quit. Why? Does that happen very often, Jay? It happened, I think, on episode when they were in Palau and then one time when it was in Fiji. They quit. They had two people quit. Why did she quit? She quit because it's been raining. It rains, you know, four or five hours straight and it's freezing. She's just a little tiny girl. I mean, she's super thin. Right. And she's just...
No clothes, which is fantastic. But, yeah, she quit. Two of them quit last night. Could you do it? Oh, I'd love to do it. I actually set my tape in one time. I could never do that. In a million years. I don't know why they don't build better places to sleep. They build, like, one roof going across. You just build, like, more of a teepee to keep the wind off of you. Oh, wow. It's not supposed to be easy, though, is it? No. But you build what you want. Oh, you can. Yeah, you build. You have nothing when you get there. They give you a machete, and eventually they give you fire. Jay would have a five-room mansion with an in-ground swimming pool. Don't the people that are really good and resourceful, though, sometimes become a target because people see them as a threat? Well, also, if you're pushy, if you come out there and you just start pushing around. But if you perform and just do stuff and kind of do it quietly, it seems like you can survive. Could you do it, L.O.B.? I think so. You could? Mm-hmm. Oh, man. One day without wireless and air conditioning, I'd be done. I'd be thankful. I would love it. Mosquito bites? Yeah, a lot of them get torn up, but mosquitoes don't really like to bite me. Really? Mm-mm. They love me. I'm not allergic to poison ivy or any of that stuff either. It's weird. Mosquitoes love Mexican food in my area. And I get bitten a lot. When we go to Haiti, we have to...
slather the stuff on? Because they got dengue fever there. And those mosquitoes. Woodsy, could you do it? No. Not for anything. No way. No Copenhagen, no Marlboros on there. No, I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't like that. I don't like that. I'm not a survival guy. You could do it. I don't like to be in the wilderness. Like, if I had to survive, if I had to, like, if it was a literal, hey, man, I'm on an island, yeah. go down swinging for sure. I wouldn't just give up. Yeah. You know, but I would, I wouldn't sign up for that bid. I wouldn't want to go doo-doo outside. Right. That's not that big of a deal. So easy. That's disgusting. What do you want? Do they really? No, they never say what they're, they don't show that part of it. No, but they don't talk about it either. They probably provide an area for them to go so it's not, you know, it doesn't pollute the area. Really? Yeah, they never show them, you know. Doesn't that seem like cheating? Well, they got, like, crew members. You don't want crew members to just be, like, stumbling across the studio. But here's what I know, LLB. Jeff Probst, dude, has accommodations. Say what? He's got accommodations. Yeah, he's a host. They all, I mean, there's places around. It's funny because they're, okay, now we're going to take you to this amazing spot. And they take them, and there's, like, a four-star hotel with, you know, food. And just, like, just on the other side of where they are. Don't they eat and then throw up?
Because they haven't eaten for so long. It depends, you know. It seems like they've been feeding them a lot better this time. Yeah. Or if there's fish available, they've been eating a lot better so they don't get sick when they eat. I'd like to see a real survivor, like a real one, where, you know what, you install a billion cameras on trees. Yeah. And then drop them off and be like, see you guys in three months. Yeah. That's what I would. I would watch that. It would be like the Truman Show. I would not turn it off. Absolutely. Because that's real. When you watch these shows, for me, it seems like. They're given a script a lot of times, and all the games and stuff like that I'm out on. I want to see them survive. I want to see them survive. If I want to watch games, I'll watch Wipeout. You know what I mean? They used to do two games, right? A game in the beginning, it was a reward, and then a game at the end. A lot of times now they're just doing the one game. It's just, come on. Make it fun. Let's see. 570-1949. M1 Michael is calling from Claremont. What's going on, Michael? Hey, Mikey. I just want to let you know the best mosquito... repellent is Avon Skin So Soft. He has it. He's already got it, so you're good. I'm not kidding. I don't know if you know this, but I'm not even sure what marine accidentally discovered this, but that's what they use in the military. Do they really? Yeah, and supposedly it just keeps mosquitoes off you, and I use it on surf trips all through the South Pacific, and it definitely works. Wow. Avon Skin So Soft. I even used the Deet when I was in...
Fiji and parts of Thailand, and that didn't work sometimes. Really? What's the DEET? DEET is like... It's like the known bug spray. It's really bad. It's bad for you. It's really bad to put on your skin, yeah. But it's supposed to keep the... It's a chemical. It didn't work all the time. Really? Wow. So if the military uses skin so soft, I would use skin so soft. Lotion's got two uses. Wow. Keep your skin smooth. Keep your skin smooth and keep mosquitoes off of you. Gosh, Mikey, what are you thinking? Oh, boy. Wow. He actually got me there. He's right. It moisturizes. Yes, and protects. And protects against mosquitoes. You should do advertising for them. Yeah. Sienna found a diamond yesterday. Weird. I don't know if it's real.
But I did. Where? I had to go to the doctor when I was leaving to go to my car. I was just, you know, minding my own business, walking back to the car in the parking lot. Saw a little glisten coming from down below. Your cleavage? I looked past my cleavage. Oh, okay. How did you do that? I don't know. I must have been looking down. I just saw a tiny little sparkle. And I'm not kidding. I was like, what's that? It could have been like a little piece of tinfoil or something. I didn't know. And so I bent down and it was a little single. Of course. They're drawing to me. I can't help it. You think that rich guys just walk around looking for girls like Sienna and they're like, they throw a diamond. It's like Hansel and Gretel. You leave little crumbs. No, like in the parking lot, it was like gravelly kind of too. So it wasn't.
very noticeable like there was little rocks everywhere and I had to like push aside a little rock and it was just like now one of the things about Sienna is she always has one of those little jewels it's called a loop she has a loop with her at all times on my eye so she was checking it out to make sure that it was of good quality turns out it was VS4 well I don't I don't know what to do with it now we've had such a like a paying it back week with people finding money and stuff I'm like Do I try and find the owner? No. Do I get it appraised? How long is it? How big? It's pretty big. I'll bring it in. Yeah, I want to see it. It's smaller than my engagement ring. What is it? No. I don't think it's real. I don't know. Would it be appropriate for an engagement ring? Yes. No way. Look at Lauren thinking. Yes. Matt. No, I'm just thinking. I'm just thinking Matt Commerce, my boyfriend. He needs one. Matt's texting him. What kind of deal will you cut me on the parking lot diamond that you found? I'm telling you, I don't know. I don't know. And this actually isn't the first time it's happened. What? Yeah, years ago, I was on a softball field and I found it on a diamond, a single diamond on a softball field. Diamonds just rained out. Well, they fall out. That's what I'm saying. I don't know. That one was obviously fake. It wasn't a real diamond. But still. Obviously. Yeah. Because nobody with diamonds plays softball. I don't know, you guys.
5701949. Call us and tell us about like crazy stuff that you found. My friend had a period where he found like three. Your friend had a period? Gross, Lauren. That's disgusting. Come on, Lauren. That's disgusting. I don't want to know. A particular time in his life. Oh, that's just gross. When he found like three gold watches. What? What? Yeah. I can't remember the exact circumstances, but it was like three working gold watches like outside of his door. That's incredible. Like cops getting their gold watches, throwing them out the window. Yeah. If my friend that happened to is listening, please. Call or text. He and I should get together. We'd be worth a lot. 5701949, I found a gold chain in the alley. Oh, when you were little. When I was little, gave it to my brother, and he had it appraised, and it was solid gold. No way. You gave it to him as a gift? Yeah, like I was a little kid, and I was like, hey, look what I got you. I found it in the alley. And what did he do? Did he wear it? Yeah, it was really nice, you know, and he wore it, and it was cool. Gold chains were...
the bomb back then. Real player back in the 70s. I actually found a pair of Gucci sunglasses one time too. You did? I was just on a walk and they were on the floor. She's like, I found them in Nordstrom in a sunglasses. They were all scratched up, but they were just sitting on the sidewalk. I found cash before at a gas station. It was like 80 bucks or 100 bucks. It was in a wool lady's purse, but I found it. She had gone inside to get a Coke. She got inside to get a Coke and I found it. It was in her purse. Monster. Finders keepers, right? I found a $100 bill at a store, and I told the manager of the store, and he was super honest. He said, okay, what we're going to do is we're going to leave it here until the end of the day, and if no one says anything, it's yours. That's rad. And he really did. I mean, he could have just said, nope, nope, somebody came again. But at the end of the day, I came back in, and he's like, nope, nobody said anything. Wow. Yeah. That wouldn't happen these days. That's really cool. I remember one time we were at a water park and it was like the wave pool and it was back in the 80s and my brother found a $50 bill and we were like losing our minds. What a score. That's a score. Snow cone. On me. M1. This is M1. Liz on the line from Mission Valley. Are you there, Liz? Yes, I am. Hi, guys. Hi. Thank you.
Sienna, I have a friend who is a jeweler, and she's awesome, and I would recommend you take it to her. That way, if it's not a real diamond, you don't feel like a total douche. There you go. I wouldn't. Thank you very much. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I would try it. I would see. Take it to somebody that knows what they're doing. I know. I should. I will. You should make a pendant out of it. Yeah. Or you can make a hat. Or you can make a bow. Or you can make a bow. Or you can make a bow. Or you can make a necklace. Yeah. M1 Terry from La Mesa. Hey. What did you find? I was at an estate sale, just going in with my friend, looking around, checking things out, and I went to look at this big stack of National Geographic books. So we're flipping through it with my friend, and I open one page, and there's a $20 bill, and I turn the page, and there's another $20 bill. Turn the page, another $20 bill. Pull out this whole stack of 20s. Oh, my God. And then I go to the next book. It's another thing. Each one of the National Geographic, these people who, you know, wanted to save their money and somewhere safe had literally hundreds and hundreds of $20 bills. Oh my God. Oh my God. We're speechless. What did you do? You bought them all. I sat there with my friend and we're like, don't let anybody look at the books. Don't let anyone look at the books.
And we decided to go and tell the people who were running the estate sale. Oh, man. We couldn't do it. We couldn't do it, but it was literally thousands and thousands of dollars. Oh, my gosh. And they gave us 50 bucks. They said, oh, this guy would have warned you to have $50 each. And I still actually saved that $50 bill to remind myself to always be good. Good girl. Good person you are. I would not have done that. Oh, my gosh. I mean, it's for sale. It's for sale. It was probably like the person who's estate sale's grandparent or something like that. They just inherited the books. Because an estate sale means that people have passed and they're getting rid of staff. Mikey's speechless. You know I have a fantasy about that. I have a fantasy of going to a sale like that and buying an old cool picture and then taking the back off and it's either filled with cash or the freaking Declaration of Independence or something. I'm like, oh my god! Like a Rembrandt? I have that. And every time I pass a garage sale, I'm like, do it, dude. Just pull over and go sniff around. But the three times I have, I've been like, oh, great. Old Campbell's soup can. I'm out. There's nothing there. One of these days you're going to find the Mona Lisa. Oh, my gosh. You found it and you gave it back. Look at you.
You're a trooper. Mother Teresa. I told the story you guys told about the ATM yesterday to everyone at work, and they were like, oh, my God, that's amazing. Really cool story. A lady found $300 at the ATM. She needed it, just sold her iPod because she needed money, got $50, went to deposit it at the ATM, and there was $300 just sitting there. She waited for the person to come and reclaim it, gave it to them. They didn't even thank her. And a listener heard it. And called in and said, I'd like to give you that $300. And he did. And then another listener, both of them anonymous, another listener bought her an iPod. Yeah. Amazing. To replace the one that she had to sell. Really a cool story. Thank you very much for the call. Yeah. My wife is on one. And by the way, I just want to say, I'm an almost 40-year-old woman. And I know your demographic is young boys, but I love your show. It is not necessarily young boys. Kind of creepy. We're like six to seven-year-old boys. Yes, you sound perfect to me. Thank you for the call. My wife is on the line. Hi, honey. Hi. Happy birthday, Lauren. Oh, thank you. Happy almost birthday to you. Oh, thank you. Yes, happy birthday. Tomorrow is my wife's birthday. Great gifts for Lauren, by the way, Rebecca. Great work. Whatever. Hi, darling. Anyway, so I found...
Richard Dreyfuss' wife's wallet in the street. What? That's true. What? It's true. Richard Dreyfuss? Yeah. Yeah, Richard Dreyfuss' wife. How? Her wallet, and it was just laying on the street, and I was taking a walk. I was pushing Jake in the stroller, and I saw a wallet in the middle of the street, and it was obviously like somebody's usable wallet. It wasn't old or discarded. Yeah. And so I picked it up and I opened it to see the name. And I had heard that they lived there, but I didn't really believe it because it didn't make sense that they would live in such a normal neighborhood. Yeah, we don't live in like Rancho Santa Fe in a bunch of rich. I mean, we live in like a regular suburban neighborhood.
So I had heard that they lived there, but I really didn't. I didn't completely believe it. Some people said they saw him, but I was just like, I don't know, whatever. So I picked up the wallet and I opened it. And sure enough, it was her driver's license. You know, her last name, Dreyfus. And then, like, the very first card on the front was an Academy Award winner's black card. Wow. Hello, babe. Hello, babe. Your favorite card. I don't even know what that is or what it does or whatever, but I know not everybody has one of those. Right. You guys don't know those? No, I don't. So you kept it, right? Yeah. Or kept it. I returned it. I returned it. And I met Richard Dreyfuss when I returned it. So rad. Yeah, what was the deal, babe, when you took it back? It was a little odd. He was a very nice person, but he was in his bathrobe. He said something kind of odd. He said, it's as if two pirates were fighting a duel to the death. And then an angel appeared and rescued them, saved them from destruction. And I said, no.
Here's your wallet. I get it. I get it. Didn't he do it where he put his hand up to his chest or whatever? Yeah, he put one hand on my shoulder and one hand on his chest. It was very dramatic. Weird. It was as if. Two pirates were dueling to the death. And suddenly an angel appeared. I'm sure he wanted to kill his wife for being careless and losing the wallet with a black card in it. And then who returns it? An angel. They were out front basically ripping through their car trying to find it. There was probably, if you had dug more, there was probably like... important people's phone numbers. Brad Pitt in there. All this stuff where he was like, great. Hey, babe. Pictures of them. Why don't you tell everybody how I humiliated our family after that? Oh, yeah. Uh-oh. What did you know? Oh, my gosh. So embarrassing. So obviously Mike knows the story, you know, and he's like, whoa, cool. You met Richard Dreyfuss, and wow, he really does live in our neighborhood and, you know, all this stuff. So he must have been thinking that,
Since Richard Dreyfuss called me an angel, you know, that he would like to come over to our house for dinner. Oh, my God. Doesn't mean that, Mike. You know, Academy Award winner Richard Dreyfuss would like to come over for spaghetti. For fajitas, come on. Call it what it is. Yeah, it was pesto. It was fajitas. Pesto. So Mike wrote a handwritten letter on yellow legal paper. Oh, no. And it was a very serious letter, very long, very complimentary. Everybody has their face in their hands. And he, before he mailed it, he read it to me to make sure that, you know, it was appropriate. And what did you say, Rebecca? Well, I said, what are you doing? Like, no, you're not going to invite Richard. Whatever, you know. He wanted to be friends with him. what he's going to do. He wanted to be friends with them. He wanted to interview him on the show. So he mailed it and never heard back. Did he say, hey, I'm the husband of an angel? Yeah. Just so you know, Mikey's holding up a piece of paper so that he can't see Lauren. Lauren's face is going to humiliate him. I can't look at her. Thank you for that wonderful birthday present. That is a nugget. It's a gold nugget.
He said something like, you know, you don't know me, but you recently met my wife who found and returned Svetlana's wallet like we know her. Svetlana. Listen, in my head, in my head. I pictured we would be chatting over dinner at my house. You'd be like, tell me about Jaws. I want to know everything. No, it was in my imagination. It was much classier than that. Richard Dreyfuss is over for dinner in an ascot. And I am in my ascot. You're in entertainment. I'm in showbiz. You're a celebrity. I'm a celebrity. Let's be celebrities. Together. Yes, you're famous, I'm famous. Mike's playing the guitar, Mr. Holland's playing the piano. Mr. Holland. Mike, you have very exquisite taste in the Bibles. Yes, exactly. Here's how Mike actually pictured it. Rebecca and Svetlana would be in the kitchen and they'd be getting things together.
Mike and Richard Dreyfuss would be in your office. We'd retire to the office. And he would look around and he'd go, this is a fabulous office. This is wonderful. How did you do this? Where did you get that fish? And by the way, what is this pinot? This is fabulous. This is great pinot. Burt Reynolds serves this pinot. How old is this scotch? It's fantastic. I had this with Streisand one time. And Spielberg at his house. Do you know Barbara? I'll get her over here. I can call Barbara right now. How do you keep your fish tank so clear, Mike? Can I call you, Mike? I pictured that, you know, at some point, my cell phone would go off. It would just say Richard. Yeah. Dreyfus. R. R. Dreyfus. R. D. It would say Richard D. Yeah. Richie. Maybe Dick. Right. Dick Dreyfus. And I would answer the phone, and I would go, and I'd hang up the phone, and I would go, Yeah, babe, it's Richard again. He just needs advice. I told him I was out with you and I'd have to call him later. You know what? He got a new script and he wanted to run it by me. He wanted to run it by me. I want to see what I thought of it. In my mind, I had this whole imaginary friendship that would take place. It's called Delusions of Grandeur. Delusions of Grandeur. And I would tell friends later, I'd be like, so, you know, Richard. How long did you spend writing that letter? I wrote it twice.
Do you think he moved after he got that letter? He did. He did. And you know what he concluded? He was like... I'll never slum it again. I'll never slum it again because I wanted to live among regular people. I'll never do that again because when I did, people wrote me. Mexicans wrote me letters and stuff. On the yellow legal pad, Mexicans were inviting me to their house. I'm moving to Malibu right now. What are the chances that as we sit around and laugh about this, they sit around and he's like, remember that time you lost your wallet? dinner with Spielberg and Tom Hanks some night and he'll go did I ever tell you about the time that fat Mexican that lived down the street from me and Hanks is like show him the letter show him the letter show him the letter he's got it in his wallet look at this idiot get everybody in here get this freaking maid get the maid in here to see this
This fat Mexican, let me read it to you. Dear Mr. Dreyfus. You don't know me. This idiot thought we'd be friends. Me, me. Me, Richard Dreyfus. Thank you, honey. Oh, my God. Thank you. I love you, hon. We all do. Weird, weird, weird. Oh, that was so great. Tom, show him the letter. Show him the letter. Thumbs up. He's holding the letter. It's his Facebook profile. The letter. Or they have like a whole album on Facebook called The Letter. The Letter. Here's when we took the letter to Thailand. Here's us with the letter in the Grand Canyon. In Fiji, surfing. Welcome back. It's the Mikey Show.
I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. Woodsy's sitting across from me. He is 35 years of age. I'm the second to the oldest at 40. Today, L.O.B. turns 30. Holy cow. Sienna is 25, and Jay, our producer, is 47 years of age. Is he? That's right. Today is a big day for Lauren O'Brien. It's a milestone turning 30 years old. A milestone I'd rather not embark upon. You know, it's a big one. You know what, though? If you're not getting older, you're not living. That's right. Hey, I got a guest out here for Lauren. Hold on a second. Why don't you let him in? Oh my goodness. It's Lauren's little baby. Introduce everybody, Lauren. Oh my gosh. Introduce everybody. This is Cecilia. Hi, Cece. And that's my sister, Carly. Carly is here. Lauren's sister Carly. Oh, look at it. Look at it. Lauren's all teared up because Susie's here. My friend Meryl from the belly up, my brother Brad, my sister Carly. How awesome is that? They all came to wish her a happy birthday on her 30th. Look at that pumpkin pie in her hands right now. She's so cute. She's so cute. We got a little bit. How great is that? I didn't.
No? Surprise. She loves her Auntie Lauren so much. Oh, yeah. She's so happy. Oh, that's cute. That is so cute. The FMC is here with a cake. Her boyfriend, Matt Commerce. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday, dear Orin. Happy birthday to you. That is so nice. Oh, wow. I hope that does not set off any smoke alarms. Oh, wow. Open the door. Open the door. Open the door. Open the door. They're trick candles, I think. They are. Yeah, they are trick candles. I hope they don't start a fire alarm from going off. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. All right, we're good. Yeah, we're good. We're good. We're good. Oh, wow. I love it. Oh, that is so cute. So sweet. So sweet. I wish I had family here. It's so sweet. Thank you, you guys. Thank you.
Yeah. And hang out. Hang out. There's the love side, but you guys, there's the couch, the whole thing. Yeah. Trick candles. Yeah. This is an awesome studio. It is. It is. This is our new studio. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Let's see. M1 Aaron from Miramar. Hi, I'm Mike. You sure? How's it going? Good. How you doing? Hey, not to be bad, man. Happy birthday, LB, by the way. Thank you. I just got a quick AIS story for you, Mike. What is it? I just got a hold of their website, and they're quoting me that I'll save about $700 a year. That is rad. And you did it on the website? Yeah, I did it on the website. It took about five minutes. Wow. That guy, this is M1 Aaron from Miramar. You saved $700 in five minutes. You just went online, AISinsurance.com. Yep, and the best part is the...
coverage is even better than what I was getting with my old guys. That is rad. And I tell people this all the time, and this is a real dude. This is a real guy. Hey, how would you like to come in on a Friday and hang out with us on a Friday and be a part of our backstage pass? I'd love it. Okay, cool. Hang on a line. That is awesome. And if anybody calls and tells us their AIS story and has a great AIS story like that, you can come in. And you can be a part of our Friday deal. Really cool. That was M1 Aaron who called and got an incredible deal just by calling. Really cool. Thank you, man. Thank you for calling. L.O.B. gets to have her little niecey, Cece, sitting on her lap. How great is that? It's a pretty decent birthday for you. I know. Did you guys know they were coming in? I didn't. I didn't. Jay said he did. Yeah, Jay did. You old scoundrel, Jay. I know it. BFMC is in the house, by the way. BFMC is here. What is up? That was a big bro hug. They're wearing the same outfit. Good to see you. How great is that? BFMC is in the house. Does anybody ever tell your sister that she vaguely resembles a celebrity? Gwyneth Paltrow. I see that. She does. I can see that. You see that?
Okay. What's happening, hot stuff? That's right. You know what I get all the time? Goose from Top Gun. All the time. Just like looking in a mirror. Yeah, it's true. 570-1949 is our phone number. Let's see. We'll be doing a little radio charades in just a second. Nice. And right now, what we have for you is... Hello, hello, yes? Hello, hello, yes? We're being transported back in time to a time of radio where things were quite different. It's called old time radio. And this is where we listen to what radio used to be like in the early 20s or 30s. Let's take a listen. Full orchestra hired in the studio. Means they didn't work for Lincoln Financial Media. They want the gold. They do want the gold.
What turned out to be the first break in the bleeding gold case came on April 6, 1950 at 3 a.m. Eastern Standard Time. This is what it sounds like when a radio announcer is drunk on scotch. Radio show. Dark street in Los Angeles, California. Not to be confused with Los Angeles, Nebraska. Let's get out of here. Where's Klink? Come on, he got sidetracked back there. Where's Klink? I know you got him. It's a great line. You know, it's easy to take candy from a baby because the baby can't really do much about it. Do babies really like candy? Right. That's the other thing. How many babies do you see with a big Snickers bar in their hand? Taking milk from a baby, that would be hard. That is a little tougher. Taking a binky. Taking a binky from a baby, for instance. Huh? Let's get going. I said let's see what you've got in your pockets. Well, I'm just happy to see you. Yes. You know what? Don't worry. That's the thing. Don't worry about what's in my pocket, okay? And stop looking at my crotch. Turn out your pockets, quick. Oh, boy. Okay, okay. Yes, I thought so. It's a pretty gag ball, isn't it? You're a pervert. Kind of a sick pervert, are you?
You just interrupted me. Talk faster, talk faster, talk faster, talk faster, talk faster, talk faster, talk faster. I said I went to gold. Mike, where's the gold? Those aren't stones. Put that necklace back where you found it. Back? In the store. Now. Okay, okay, I'm taking it back. How come... No one ever says okay, okay, okay like that anymore. Okay, okay, okay. That's something a kid says as they kick the dirt on an old baseball field. Wearing the same hat that Woods wears every once in a while. With black Converse sneakers. Shut the door, brownie. Gonna leave Clink here? Yes. But he's taking the stuff. Code word for panda heroin. Bava, I think it is. And that doorway makes a nice frame. Oh. Uh-oh. It's the first Tupac movie. I murdered a hoodlum in a robbed jewelry store in Los Angeles. Hoodlum? Hoodlum? Woods. That's what they called Mexicans back in 1932. That's the way Jay still pronounces hoodlum. That's right. Hoodlum. Hoodlum. I kept a hoodlum. Boys in California thought different.
They sent the local police report through on the teletype, and the first thing in the morning, the chief had me in his office. What do you make of it, Dan? I'm sorry, I don't know what you just said, sir. Is there something I can find on Facebook? Yes. Johnny Dollar Gold piece. I haven't seen one in a long time. Not bad, either. You get two of those, you can give them to L.O.B. for a birthday. All right? All right. And what about the engraving? It's a little fuzzy in the background, but it's a darn good counterfeit. Here's the weird thing about it. Speaking of counterfeit, what's up with your hair? There's more gold in that coin than a... Than Sienna's got in the couch. This is counterverse. Did you just chief me? I hope. Did you just call me chief? Did you just chief me? You just chief me, didn't you? Maybe don't call me chief. Pal. Pal.
Because I'm about to lay it right in your lap. He's flirting with him. Now listen. You're not laying anything in my lap. Not again. Then we're going to touch tongues after that. Don't be writing checks with your mouth. Butt can't count. Literally. We're working on it, of course. And I hate to say this to your face. But you're a dirty pervert. Thanks for the orchid, chief. Oh, can I use your teletide? Yeah, I'll go with you. Teletide? Can I use your teletide? That was Jay's first job. Yeah. It was filmed as his first job. Yeah, Jay calls it a blackberry now, but it used to be called. Any more of these gold pieces, Turner? No, this is the first. Hey, when you're talking to the mic, you don't want to have your nose pressed up against it, okay? When did we ever have much to go on? Uh-oh. Good morning. There's L.O.B. Mr. O'Brien. Mr. O'Brien. Tell him to hold on. Yes, sir. They haven't yet called me L.O.B. There's just Miss O'Brien. He's a local man on the case. Know him? Not yet. They're waiting, Chief. Go ahead, Dan. Okay. Greg from O'Brien. Gold jewelry, thieves, and or counterfeiters. Thank you. End of week. Meet unsavory character. That'll be me, O'Brien.
Pershing Square. We know another O'Brien that's a bit unsavory sometimes. Yes, we do. Ladies and gentlemen, that was Old Time Radio. Smashing. Oh, by the way, M1 Chris from San Diego, what was the word of the day? Word of the day was goose. That's right. That's right. And I said I was a spitting image of goose. You are. Yes, you are, my goose. Thank you. Hang on the line. You don't have to say that, Chris. You still win the prize. You still win, bro. Just won tickets to see Linkin Park in a Mikey Shet t-shirt. Hang on the line. Heather Locklear got hospitalized for something very unusual, and we'll tell you all about it next. I saw these guys not in their heyday. Right. After? Yeah. In Dallas, in a club that sat four people. Was I with you? I think so. I feel like I was. Where was it? I feel like it was me, you, Barkmowman, Eddie. Yeah. Blowing it out. It was all of us. All of us. Where was that?
Gypsy Tea Room? No. You guys are probably sober, right? Mikey, that might have been the night that I decided I would try to top my Ford Escape out at 130 down the tollway after several cocktails. Which I don't recommend doing. Don't be like me. I know for sure you were there. And you know how I know? You wanted to leave. Yes. And I didn't want to leave. And I took a cab home. I probably had a girl waiting for me. Probably. And that's why you wanted to leave. And you stayed and took a cab? I was trying to talk him into staying. He wanted to see Warrant really badly. Who wouldn't? Woods? I got my taste. I got my fill, and I had to go get my other taste. What? Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, somebody's wife isn't listening anymore. Somebody's wife is at work now, so I can do whatever I want. She doesn't podcast either. She might start. I'm gold. Say whatever I want. Maybe we can tip her off. Yeah, maybe. Maybe I forged with links. Jamie, listen to this.
I should just make a mashup of all the things. All the creepy things I've been saying last week. 570-1949 is our number. Mitt Romney was on the Jay Leno show. Tonight's show with Jay Leno. I would prefer Mitt Romney try again rather than Sarah Palin try again. Oh, don't you say that. Don't you dare. did you did you meet sarah palin when you went to alaska i did not meet sarah palin when i went to alaska i was fishing in alaska that was my uh have you met her personally i have yeah during uh during the campaign when she was the vice presidential nominee with john mccain uh we campaigned at a couple of rallies together we're on the bus together and she was with trig and the whole family and she's a remarkable energetic powerful figure in the in my party well that's true that's and attractive too and attractive wonderfully big breast oh thank you she's let's say you decide to run remember she said uh no other if there are no other good candidates she will enter the race now if you enter the race and then she enters is that an insult
Well, maybe it means that she thinks I'm a great candidate. Come on, I want to see you. How do you handle that? Well, she would have to decide what she thought, and I'll have to make that decision down the road. But she's a qualified, capable person. He sounds just like someone, and I can't place it. I was just thinking that. Mitt Romney's voice is someone. Abe Vigoda. It is not Abe Vigoda. I can hear it, too. James Gandolfini. I was thinking that as we were listening. I'm going to figure it out. Play it one more time. I'll tell you who it is. I'll play another one. Have you flown commercially since the whole pat-down? There are naked pictures of Mitt Romney floating around out there. I hope not. I've had the pat-down. I've had the x-ray machine. Russell Crowe? I have an idea. Did you say Russell Crowe? A little bit. It is a little, for sure. It's not what I'm thinking, though. Because when I said, I'm going to go, yeah! Which is, I think that the TSA and the IRS ought to be merged.
Because the IRS has had their hands in our pants pockets for years. Hey, that's it. I feel like it's a good-looking man. Is it? Clooney? George Clooney. George Clooney. It is George Clooney-ish. I see some Russell Crowe in there, too. I do, too. Here's him talking about how he's not going to say anything bad about Sarah Clooney. Now, you were governor of my home state of Massachusetts. And this is the one thing that I think will stop. or not stop, but I think really impedes Sarah Pound, the fact that she quit as governor. Now, you were a governor of a state. Could you ever seen yourself quitting for any other reason? No, it's hard to imagine the circumstance where I'd acquit. I love the job. Truth was, being governor is probably the best job you can think of because you have a real impact on the lives of people you care about. It's driving me crazy. I'm not even listening to what he's saying. Obviously it is since we've played three Mitt Romney clips in the last five minutes. I don't even know one thing he said. All I hear is the voice. All I heard was governor, and I was like, who says governor like that? Governor? It's driving me nuts. It's going to hit me. Are people calling and saying who it is? Yeah, people are calling. Okay.
Let's see. Please know the answer. Mel Gibson? M1 Matt from San Diego. Mel Gibson. It isn't Mel Gibson. I'm on you right now. It's Clooney. It's definitely Clooney. It's got some Clooney. Let me hear it again. I didn't hear who it was. Mel Gibson. It's Mel Gibson to me. Wait. It's a great job. I loved it. But she had her reasons. And by the way, if someone's looking for me to say something negative about Sarah Palin, why? That's not going to come from me. I mean, did you see what she did to the halibut the other night on the show? Yeah. I mean, I'm not in for that. I understand how it works. M1 Victoria from San Diego. Who does it sound like? He sounds like Jeff Daniels. I'm not getting that. No? I think he sounds just like him. M1 Hammer from San Diego? What? Hammer, are you there? I'm here. Go ahead. At the beginning of the interview, it sounded like Jon Stewart. Ooh, I can see that. M1, Maniac from Encinitas. Mel Gibson for sure. It's Mel Gibson with a little country twang or something. Maybe it is Mel Gibson. Maybe it is. Okay, one more. Go back to the first clip. Don't ask, don't tell. I have no intention of either asking or telling as regards to my plans for 2012. Mel. It's like an older country Mel. Maybe it's Luke Besson. I don't.
I think it's Luke Besson. Luke Besson is a director that I... Oh, the La Femme Nikita guy? Yes, of course. Lauren, yes. I think you got it. Mel Gibson. I think it is. Mike's still not satisfied. He's not. He's not. He's pretending that he is. He's going to call us at like 2 a.m. Yeah, I'm going to call earlier. I got it! Lauren, I'm sorry to wake you. I think that it's Harvey Keitel. Yeah. You're like, great. Is it a young Paul Newman? The phones are blowing up. It's driving everyone nuts, I think. Lauren's like, who is this? I don't have your number programmed to my phone. M1 Summer from Vista. Hi. Hi. Dick Van Dyke a little bit. Dick Van Dyke. Yes, dear. It does sound like Dick Van Dyke. There's no question. Maybe it's Dick Van Dyke. M1 Mark from Sam Clemente. Yeah. Who does it sound like? Sounds like Dick Clark. Oh, is that what she meant instead of Dick Van Dyke? Maybe. Maybe. It does sound like Dick Clark. Thank you for the call. M1 Angel from Mission Beach. That sounds like Regis.
Regis. Let me hear Regis. See, but Regis is more like, yeah, this is Regis. Yeah. Get on. You're right. Shouty. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, get it. We love you. M1site.com came in and brought L.O.B. a gift on her birthday. What did you guys bring, Brock? Some gifts. What did you bring? We brought her. A card from all of us and a lot of dark chocolate. Teddy Graham. Ooh, Teddy Graham. I love them. This coconut candle that smells delicious. Sorry to BFMC, but we brought a Justin Bieber poster. Bieber. It's awesome. It's going up in here. There seems to be a theme. Yeah, there is. Can we please put Justin Bieber up in here? Yeah. Absolutely. The card. I've got another Obama. I've got this Obama on the wall. It's mine. It's great. It's terrifying. One of Vijay Singh's cleats. You guys didn't bring any grains or natural fruits or oils or anything? No corn husks? 570-1949. People are calling in to say...
Who they think Mitt Romney sounds like. I don't get why. I mean, if a gay person wants to lay down this life for me, God bless him. I mean, I don't see why this is even a problem. I mean, the old days. He didn't get any applause on that, by the way. Which is weird, because he should have. You'd think that people would start to applaud unless they didn't feel that way. Maybe they didn't get the applause button. Yeah, they didn't get the sign that said applause. But is it one guy's like, yeah, damn right. And then everybody's like, oh boy, we better follow along with him. Like nobody just did with me. Shut up, boys. Now people are openly gay. It's not a problem. And gay soldiers, men and women seem to have served with distinction. Why is this so hard? You know, I think Senator McCain, who has... A lot of military experience, and I have none. Senator McCain looked at the setting and said, look, the current policy is working. And in a time of war and conflict, this is not the time to make a change of that nature. Yeah, but they say that about everything. I happen to concur with that view. But I spent my whole life people going, you know, this is not the... I remember during the Civil Rights Movement.
I agree, but this is not the time. I mean, it's never really. It's like your parents. When is the time to have fun? It's never the time. Sit still. That was my mother. There was never a time for fun. It does sound like Dick Clark and Mel Gibson. That's my final say. All right, fine. I'll go with it. Garrett. It sounds like Garrett. Hey, you know, don't ask, don't tell. I don't want to talk about the military policies. You know what I want to talk about? The temper trap. That's what I want to talk about. Detroit. And Philly. All right. Let's do a little radio charade. Let's do some radio charades. 570-1949. Okay, we've got to clear the lines, Chris. We've got to clear the lines. We've got to clear the lines. Do we need to clear the lines? Hey, should we clear the lines? Clear the lines. Let's have Chris clear the lines, Jay. Don't clear the lines yet, Chris. Chris is like, ah! 570-194-9 is the number. Radio charades, the way that it works is we're going to go and have Woods and L.O.B. and Sienna are going to have 60 seconds to try to impart
Some movie title to me. It's always movie titles. It's all we use is movie titles. And hopefully I know what the movie is. Yep. Because I'm going to be your eyes. No guessing from anyone in the studio audience. No guessing. Go studio audience. M1OB from LA. Are you there? Yes, sir. All right. Are you ready to do it? You ready to try your little radio charades? Sure. Why not? All right. Woods is going to be the first person. And if you know what it is, dude, you've got to just yell it out. Shout it out. Okay? All right. Sounds good. All right. And I will be your eyes and explain what I'm seeing. All right? Here we go. Okay. Four words. The first word. Woods is smelling. Woods is smelling. He's smelling. Oh, this is a beautiful scent. A beautiful scent. Scent of a woman. Yes! Wow! Are you kidding me? Bam! I'm going to send them to Warren Millen's Wintervention. There you go. Hang on the line, will you? All right. Hang on a second. Next up is M1George from Del Cero. Hello. Are you ready to play? Yes, sir. All right, dude. This one is going to L.O.B. So she's going to be describing a movie and doing it charade style. I'll be your eyes. Here we go. Three words. The third word. Oh, I'm lost. I'm looking around. I'm trying to make a decision. I'm scratching my head.
Huh. I'm really... I don't know what... I don't know. I don't know. I'm confused. I'm confused. Confused. Now, the first word. Jay's Dan confused. Yeah! Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Wow. That was a hard one. That's... Good job. Get out of your way here. L-O-B. Good job. Oh, my God. All right. Now, Sienna is going to be up next. And let's see who the contestant is going to be. It's M1 Harold from San Marcos. Harold, are you there? I'm here. Okay, dude. Sienna's got her word, and you're going to have 60 seconds. Yell it out if you know it. Two words. The first word. I'm picking, picking. Oh, booger. Booger. Booger, no. Snot. Booger. Ew, gross. Gross. Booger. Second word. Second word. Clean. I'm cleaning. I'm wiping. I'm black. Black. Black is the second word? No? No? It's close to black. Oh, boy. It's close to the word black. Dark. Ooh. Booger. Booger. Booger dark. Booger dark. Oh, my God. Wow. I just got... You guys know what I'm talking about, right? No. No. No idea. Keep going. Pick. Pick. Slime. Booger. Gunk. Booger snot.
Sleep. Sleeping. Boogers don't sleep. Boogers don't sleep. Sleeping. Black Beauty. I don't know. Resting. This is not my fault. I know it. Oh, no. Boogie nuts. Boogie nuts. Oh, my God. How about? Yeah, how about you boogie? If you started to boogie. I thought booger. I got what you would say. I would think he would say disco. Booger Nights. Booger Nights. It's Booger Nights. Booger Black Chair. Booger Sleep. Booger Black Chair. That was a hard one. That was a hard one. Thank you, Harold. Thank you. Wow. Mike, this is an example of a song that Jay would have written back in the early 80s. Very overt.
Hot girls in love. Really hard to figure out. That's what I'm talking about. Hey, Sienna, why was Heather Locklear hospitalized? She had a bacterial infection. Really? Yeah, she's doing fine. She's on medication. Why do you wear condoms? Oh, woods. She's been in the hospital being treated for the bacterial infection. How do you strap up? Oh, wow. Gross, gross. The U.S. has a new weapon that they're going to be unveiling in Afghanistan that they say could be a game. And all I know is when it comes to military and weapons, I'm all in. I'll tell you what it is next. Welcome back. Tonight's 8 o'clock album. Foo Fighters. One by one. One by one. It's time. Welcome to the holidays. You know, it is the night. As I listen to this, I remember the words of a very famous singer that came on American Idol one time to mentor the American Idol kids. And what he said to them was, he said, listen, if you want to be a good singer, when you sing lyrics, you've really got to feel the lyrics. You can't just sing them like they're words.
Feel those words. And that's what this guy does. He doesn't throw one word away. He feels every one of them and expresses. I feel like he was channeling William Hump. Here it comes. Here it comes. Here it is. See, that is an expression. I feel his pain when he says that. Yeah, exactly. It's not a guy that's just. Reading off words. He's living the words. See, at that point, I can't defend that note. I can't defend that note. No, he's a little pitchy. That one was pitchy. That one was. Just that one. Just that one. Yeah, exactly. Dig deep, dig deep. Uh-huh. Uh-oh. What kind of night was it?
Oh, a little early too. Early and sharp. Quite sharp. Oh, wow. He cracked. He cracked it just a little bit. And this is a high note. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. No. Yodeling. Nailed it. Oh, here we go. Oh. Oh. calmed it right down. If I can't hit the nail, I'll just go lower. I would pay... I'd write a $500 check to get the audience shot of people in the audience. I really would. I want to see a guy's face just going... There had to have been people, too, that just didn't know what to do. There must have been a lot of like...
Dumbfounded. Yeah, dumb face. Total dumb face. There would be the, me and you would be the clowns. Oh, Mikey, I wouldn't make it through, I wouldn't make it through the second stanza. The music would stop and you would hear the echoes of woods in the hallway. Howling with laughter. What do you say to him after, like when he's. I know exactly what the move is. Okay, alright. It's a pat on the back and you go, good job, man. So he finishes up, he goes back to the back of the church. washes down, and then after the service is over, he's out front, and he's kind of shaking hands and greeting and mingling, and it's Christmas time, and people are walking by. What do you say? Say, good job, man. Really? And that's kind of a smart thing to say. It's not. But it wasn't a good job. The truth is, I believe that it was a good job. It was good intentions. See, I would put good job in the category in my brain of good effort. And even if a kid loses a soccer game or something, you don't say, hey, you suck. You say, good job. You know, I'd venture to say that I would tell him it was a great job. Yeah. Oh, boy. So you lied to him. No. It was a great job. It's not a great job. I believe maybe it was a great job. It wasn't. It was one of the worst jobs that's ever been done. He tried to hit. Oh, yeah. Every note. Not only that, I would think to myself, in terms of memorable performances,
He hit the nail right on the head. But you are a man of comedy. You are a man of comedy. No, but I'm not necessarily saying that it was comedic, although it was. I would say that it was memorable. I have a question. And that I would never forget it. I would never forget it. No. I would never. I have a question. Were there people in that audience that were like, I can't believe this SOB is up here making a mockery of this like this? No. Were there people that were offended? No, not at all. Really? No, because he was doing... He was trying. His best. Yeah. Wow. He was doing his best. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. Well, I guarantee there were some people that maybe tone deaf themselves that just were like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Oh, feel it, yes. Feel it. Yes, happy holidays. When you saw the passion in his eyes, you don't second guess. Mm-hmm. And certainly his friends did not. Yeah. His friends stood by him proudly and said, that was a really good job. Did they say maybe you next year don't? No, I do not believe they did because I think that a lot of times people do a performance like that and are encouraged by the words that they hear and they make many songs. So me as your friend, you'd let me do that every year. Yes. Then you're not my friend. I would let you. You're not my friend then.
I understand, but I would let you do. But you wouldn't be my friend. I would let you every year. And I would videotape it each year. And I would label it 2010, 2011, 2012. I love you. What if someone had told this man? No. What if someone had told this man? Not a good job. You're not going to hold this guy back. This makes people smile. Both songs. But you know what's funny? And I've always loved ironic humor. These guys, when they hear it, are like, that's pretty good. I love that. I love the pause. The break. I love the pause.
I love it. I want that as my ringtone. It's the best. It's Jamie, my wife's. favorite thing we've ever done on this show. I played it over and over in bed. She was loving it. Indian, we will rock you. Sienna, what is the weapon that the United States is planning on unveiling to Afghanistan? Well, they're saying it's a game changer, Mike. What is it? It is a shoulder-fired programmable grenade launcher. Oh, man. Now, this thing is officially called the XM25 Counter... It keeps going on. We'll just call it the XM-25. It can target and kill even when the enemy is hidden behind walls or over other cover. It's the size of a regular rifle. It fires microchip-embedded shells up to 2,300 feet and programs them to explode at a precise distance, allowing enemies to be targeted who are hiding behind cover.
Wow. Sounds fancy. Incredible. Incredible. So it goes like up and over the wall? It has sensors and lasers that read the distance of a target, assesses elements like air pressure, temperature, and ballistics, and then send the data to the embedded microchip. This thing is like crazy. Have you guys seen the weapon that they have that's on a, looks like a Humvee, but it's a special. Kind of made Humvee. And it's got what looks like a satellite dish on it. And there's a guy inside of the Humvee, and he points this satellite dish at whatever target he wants, presses a button, and it makes the target feel like they're on fire. They're not. What? They're not on fire. And it doesn't do any damage to them at all. Just psychological warfare? No, it sends out a radio wave. But the radio wave is so intense that it makes them feel like they're on fire and they scatter. Oh, my God. Yeah, they get out of it. I think Sean Bauer had one of those. Let's go back to the days where we just fist fight. Can it be just that kind of fight? And if you win, you win the war, not everybody has to die. We're bayonets like Jay used in the Civil War. It's like Jay fought. We used clubs and rocks. Remember, Jay has a musket wound. Jay was the cannon loader. Yes.
That's right. He was the guy that pushed the gunpowder in there. Of course he was. Yeah, he's also the guy that had to clean the guillotines. That was a heck of a job. It wasn't bad. Just for a summer. Once you get used to it. One summer in high school. That guy's literally had every job you could do. He was wearing a hair shirt. Yes. That is correct. He's had every job you can think of. Every job. Yeah, window washing did that. Did it in New York City. Grave digger. Grave digger. Mortician, 100%. Yeah. Done it all. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. Let's see. Did I miss any of the big stories? There may be three times as many stars in the sky as scientists thought. Yeah. Which is goofy to me because as brilliant as scientists are. As soon as they start telling me how many stars are in the sky, I'm like, really? You ever just guess at stuff? Yeah. You ever just come up with stuff? Billions upon billions. Yeah. You ever just guess? Yeah, there's 14 trillion 924. Sure there are, pal. Way more than that. Now they're estimating there are a whopping 300 sextillion stars. Now that is 3 trillion times 100 billion. Wait a minute. It's okay.
It's a three followed by 23 zeros. Holy cow. I know. It's like Sienna's bank account. I know. Wow. What if you... Dollar a star. It's just so goofy because you count them all up and you're like, no, you guys were wrong. You got two off. Dummies. You guys are so dumb. How do you know how many there are? The perils of digital snooping, Sienna. Yeah. What is that all about? Let me find that story. All right. It is a British survey that basically found that 14% of wives spy on their hubby's emails. And more. So what it's saying is, you know, if you're a woman and you feel the need to snoop. Have you ever done it? Me? Yes. Yes. One time. One time. One time. My wife has. Never. Good for you. Good for you. Yeah, because I expected the same in return. Never. Not a monster. Doesn't make you a creep, does it? No, but I mean. It doesn't make you a creep. To what? To expect the same in return, even when you're married, right? Doesn't make you a creep. To expect, still want privacy, right? Yes. But what about hovering over your password and putting like traps if somebody tries to get to you? I have a bear trap in front of my Mac. There's a moat in front of his password. I don't have a password. My wife can look at my email at all times. I haven't ever snooped on my husband. Boyfriend. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, I don't need to do that anymore.
I leave mine open. I leave mine open now, by the way. There you go. Woods gave his girlfriends a different one. Yeah, straight into account. It's actually Wood at Gmail. Wood at Gmail. That's my undercover email, if you know what I mean. It's just a little guide, basically, this thing. It says, look. If you're a woman, just don't click on anything. That's a rule that you need to have in your mind. Don't click on anything. No matter how much you want to, if it's flashing red lights, don't click on it. You know you're not supposed to. They say if there's no reason to tell your friend you've been snooping, then get over it. Like if you don't find anything, you know. I don't know. I don't know. Figure out why you want to snoop and then ask him about it. Don't do it. There's a whole thing that that's like an addiction for people. Yeah. I've seen that listed as an addiction. It is. Snooping and. I did it one time and I'll never do it again. Yeah. You get addicted to it? Some people do, I'm sure. But it's, you know, you don't find anything good. And if you don't find anything, then you're going to keep going. Well, that's a good thing if you don't find anything good. Because if it's good, it's bad. Does that make sense? Yeah. M1 Virgin Nikki from Escondido. What's up? Hey, guys. Hi. I just wanted to wish Lauren a happy birthday. Aw, thank you. Very nice. When I turned 30, it was hard. So I know what you're going through. Yeah. Go.
Thank you. It's been a good birthday, though. Thank you. Yeah, so I had a good 30th birthday, too, so it kind of makes up for it. Thank you, Virgin Nikki. Thank you. Love you guys. We appreciate it. And finally, I'm one Chris from Ocean Time. Hey, thanks for taking it. No, it's gross. Yeah, dude, it's gross. L-O-B. Hi. Happy birthday, girl. Thank you. I love the fact that your sense of humor is just so amazing, like I said before, but I just want to wish you the best, and BFMC, take that girl. He's here in studio. He's here in studio. Oh, I think Woodsy. How did that morning roast taste this morning? Oh, it's always delicious. Every day it gets a little bit better than the day before.
slate between breaks. Yeah, it's fine. It's cool. We served it with carrots and potatoes. Yeah, carrots, mashed potatoes. That's right. It's good. Did you hear when he and Jay tongue kissed? No, they didn't tongue kiss. We just touched tongue. We just touched tongue. Where's that picture? I haven't seen that yet. He got roasted and he got screwed. At least he deserved to be kissed. Exactly. Exactly. Just trying to take care of the kid. There you go. There you go. Thank you, Chris. Did he get his phone number? Love you guys. Love you, man. I have it. Hillary, what do you got coming up? What did I grab? The Specials, Interpol. We're going to start with some David Bowie. And also a new recommended album this month is this band called The Black Angels. They are awesome. Awesome. I'm going to play them in about 15 minutes. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next, and we'll see you tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. My show's out late.