The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 12/07/11

1:02And it's only going to get chillier. That's all I'm telling you, man. It's going to get cowed. Real cold. We'll tell you all about it in just a second. I'm Mikey. I'm the host of the show. I am 41. And put together a Bowflex stand all by myself. Wow. All by myself. And I'm going to get in shape. Okay? Because I'm portly. And I'm going to stop the portly. I want to. I want to stop the portliness. You're going to need to save that clip. Thank you. Thank you very much. I want to stop the portliness. I have to plug the portly. I got to put a cork in this portly woods. It's getting out of control. Okay. It was out of control a while ago. I clearly didn't put a cork as the, you know.

2:02thing was starting to fill up with water. Now I've filled up with water completely, you know, and the Titanic is sinking. I saw a picture of you and I and a friend of ours about a year ago. Don't do it. And we were standing on a beach and dude, I know it. You looked good. Yep. You were busting your butt training. I think your, your diet was better. Yeah. That was way more than a year ago. Oh. Oh, that one got in there? Yeah, the commitment to hell. Somehow, and it just got in there with me, and she, and by she I mean the cute blonde over here that might be in a bikini on the corner of Friars and Frizee on Friday. It's going to either be her or Jay. I vote her. She can get me with a shank that cuts so deeply. Serrated. It has to be pretty long. Serrated. It's... Deadly sharp. Yep. I heard you. And it is serrated. So anyway, we'll tell you about how it's going to be getting cold and all that stuff. Woods is our sports guy. He's 36. And this guy, I don't know what you got, dude. You got what we all had, I think. I feel like butt. Scared of him. Well, here's the deal. Should be. Bro, I thought that you had it and then it went away. I felt like garbage before Thanksgiving. And then I got on the plane. And by the time I landed.

3:26I felt like death warmed over. Oh, man. So I took a Z-Pak on my trip, and I started to feel better. Well, then what did I do? I got on another frigging plane to come home. That Z-Pak should have protected you from anything on that plane. I would have thought. It's like a rubber. It's like a condom. It's like a medical condom. Now I get home, and our heater is broken, so I've been sleeping at night, and it's been butt cold in my house. And you walk in here, it's butt cold in here. I can't get warm. and my throat hurts, and I'm sick. I'm stuffed up. I'm sick. I got the Tussin with me. It's going to be an interesting day, pal. We're going to get Tussin Woods today. I'm glad it's cold in here. It's better for germs. Is that right? I don't want your germs. The Tussin tornado is here. There you go. Feast on it. Lauren O'Brien, our assistant producer. She's also a comedian. She's 31 years of age. Wish you would stop saying that. I'm afraid I have to, my dear. Jay is 48. He is our producer, and that guy, if you need to know anything about him, all you need to know is that he's dirty, filthy, perverted. Yep. And mean. Not mean. Oh, he'll get you. I'm loving. Bless you, Woodsy. Thanks, buddy. If the microphone is turned on, Jay is mean. Oh, yeah. If it's off, he's the sweetest man I've ever met. Yeah. You know how sweet this guy is? This morning, we're sitting here, and he goes, Woods, some cold weather's coming.

4:52I need to come to your house and make sure your heater works. That's a quote. Now, mics turn on. You know what it's like? It's like the Roadrunner and the Coyote. Before they clock in, they're completely civilized to one another. Absolutely. How are you? Pretty good. Good, good, good. Family okay? Yeah, family's great. How's Acme stock doing? It's doing good, actually. It was up just a tick yesterday. Good news for you. Everyone knows how much you love Acme products. That is true. That is true. Hey, have a good one. Thanks. You too. I'll see you out there. And they clock in and, hey, fatso. What you doing, chub? Just spending money on donuts? Fat. That's exactly right. Microphones go off. I've got to come over there and take care of the heat. I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you. That's a true story. It happened five minutes ago. And our phone screener is 19 years of age. Her name is Nicole. She's a lovely brunette. And if you want to talk to Nicole, 570-1949, she will screen your phone call, put you through to us, and you can say hello. Today, of course, is a historic day because of... Yesterday.

6:14December 7th, 1941, a date which will live in infamy. This is the day. Seventy years ago today. Seventy years ago today, the second worst tragedy in American history took place. We say second because 9-11 now holds that awful title. 70 years ago today, 350 Japanese planes did their kamikaze bit out in Hawaii. 2,400 people were killed. 1,200 people were wounded. And it basically crippled the United States fleet in the South Pacific. And whether we wanted to or not, we were now involved in World War II. Oh, yeah. Big time. Big time.

7:17And let me tell you something. We dropped a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima. And do you know that those Japanese didn't want to give up? We dropped a nuclear bomb and they didn't want to surrender. We dropped another nuclear bomb on Nagasaki. It wasn't meant for Nagasaki, by the way. It was meant for another town that I can't remember the name of. But it was off course a little bit. And it hit Nagasaki. And after they bombed Nagasaki, the Japanese did not want to surrender. In fact, their major generals were saying, we don't do this. We don't surrender. We fight until the end. And finally, clearer heads prevailed. And they ended up surrendering to the United States. But you talk about a nation of people that were just absolutely...

8:20committed to their cause. Oh, yeah. A nuke is the same as an H? I thought it was an H-bomb or something. It was an atom bomb. Atom bomb? And that's a nuclear bomb. It's basically the same thing? Yeah. Never knew. Yeah. It was easily the biggest event of its time because of the scale of destruction. But today was the day. Today's the day that lives in infamy for me because on December 7th, 1987, I got in trouble for trying to use a fake ID because I had a flu, much like Woods. Went into the dispensary at the Naval Station in Tucson because that's where I could get free services until I was 18 years old because my dad was in the Navy. And a couple of military police walked in while I was sitting in the waiting room. And took me to the back because I was trying to use a, I had altered my military ID that my dad had had issued to me so I could get into a club with my brother that was an 18 and up place. Oh, wow. Steve. Steve-O caused the problem. My brother Steve caused the problem. I didn't want to go. He said, you're going. And I said, I don't have ID to 18. And he goes, I'll fix it.

9:45Wow. Oh, Steve. Yikes. My ID was laminated. He took a scripto knife. Exacto. Exacto knife. Yep. And I got busted because of that clown. You got busted because you were trying to appear under 18 and they're like, why is this all jacked up? They could just tell it had been altered. Yeah. You could get in trouble for that. Yeah. What did they do to you? Scared the crap out of me. I bet. Just scared me. Had their sidearms on. Yeah. And then what did your dad do? Oh, my dad wanted to rip my head off and Steve's. And Steve's, yeah, for sure. So anyway, today is December 7th and will be recognized and it's going to be about 9.45 today that they are going to, 9.45 our time, that they will do an official moment of silence and recognition. It is going to be real. Really cold tonight, and I'll tell you all about that in just a second. M1 San Diego from San Diego. What's going on? Good morning, Mikey Show. Good morning. Good morning, Ainge. Ainge. Isn't that what your boyfriend calls you? Yes, it's short for Angel. Yes, and LLB's boyfriend calls her Ainge. Good poll, dude. Hey, I think that you should leave it up to the M1s to vote on what kind of bikini.

11:13Should be worn. Nah. Hey, listen. It's not going to happen. I don't have a problem with that. Woods doesn't have a problem with that. But Lauren O'Brien and Jay have a problem with it. See, we're going to give them pop culture trivia, the two of them. They're very in shape. Either way, whoever wins this, whoever loses this battle, the listeners win no matter what. It's either sexy or funny. Or just funny. has to drop her robe because she loses in pop culture trivia, you're going to see a blonde, blue-eyed girl outside in the freezing weather wearing a bikini. Freezing. Thank you. Thank you. If Jay... Yeah, just nipped up real good. Yeah, so I'm thinking... If Jay loses and has to drop his robe... Shrinkage. Preemptive. He's preempting the fact that he has a tidy wiener. Yes. He wants everybody to know beforehand that there's not going to be much there. This is cold. And he wants you to know that it's because it's cold. Just try to think happy thoughts and you'll be all good. Go. So, yeah, Jay may have to show himself in a bikini. And M1 San Diego is calling in and saying, hey, look, why don't you let M1 Nation vote on it? No chance. No chance.

12:36By the way, M1s are Mikey Show listeners, in case you didn't know. That's what we call M1 Nation. And, yeah, Jay and LLB have said we're not going to allow listeners to decide our bikini fate. Nope. I trust LLB. I don't trust Jay. I'll give you what you want. Will? You? It'll be a one-piece. No. It's going to be a two-piece. All right. I want triangles. You know how I like you. I know how you like me. You know what kind of bikini I want you in. Sexy. L.O.B. L.O.B., are you going to go get a new bikini or are you going to use one that you have? Probably not. I'll probably use one that I have. I don't intend on it actually showing. Yep. She's confident she's going to win this thing. I've seen some of the questions already. Oh, have you? I have. And they are not clownish. They're for real. They're legit. They're legit. I wrote some last night in a Robitussin haze. They're legit. They're not clownish. I'm not trying to trick anybody. And so, bone up on your pop culture trivia. I will. I'm boning right now.

13:54I said bone up on your... That's what I'm doing. That's what I meant, too. Mike, I'm sorry. This is Jay. You said bone up. I thought boner. Immediately. First thing I thought of. Just the first thing I thought of boner. How weird is that? Here's the interesting part. You have to be naked. That is interesting. So, let's see. Oh, yeah. So, the freezing weather. Tonight, you better get your blankets out. You better get the... You better break out the space heaters. Here's what the front page of the paper is saying. Tonight, all the way from Imperial Beach to Oceanside, potentially we're looking at record lows. Wow. Yes. They say that temperatures are likely to drop, and we're talking the coast here, to the mid-30s. Woo-hoo! Lower in a lot of areas. Even lower than that in a lot of areas. It's going to get cold all across the county. The foothills, it's going to get cold. Cold air east of the mountain areas. Now, this will be kind of neat. If there's any kind of moisture or any kind of precipitation, that means that afterwards we might see some snowy mountains around San Diego. And that's rad. That always looks cool. It always looks cool. But if you live in one of those coastal areas.

15:25Make sure you bundle up. And like we were saying earlier, Woods moved to North County coastally and made sure he got a place that didn't have air conditioning or heating. Well, it has a heater. It just blows cold air right now. I cranked that thing up to 77 yesterday when I got home because it was freezing and it blows cold air. Nothing comes out warm. Jay, does it work? Things like that. Is that a pilot light issue? Pilot light. Almost for sure. You know, SCG&E will come out and do for free. They'll light it for you for free. Yeah, I've got a handyman that he, like, works for the Homeowners Association or whatever. So he'll come out. I just, I emailed her this morning. Yeah. And said, hey, I need that dude out here. For sure, because I'm going to die. I needed a part, and it took two weeks to finish. Oh, boy. Oh, my God.

16:17That's a beating. It's not that bad. Usually it's just like the thermocoupling. It's the little part that stays in the flame. It keeps it lit. It produces a little spark to keep it open. It's a safety feature. Oh, it is the thermocoupling. I thought it might be, but I wasn't. Or the sensor adjustment boost module. I didn't want to say. It could be the sensor adjustment booster module. It was going to be a guess either way for me. I don't want to just say stuff. Take a stab in the dark. But either way. It's one of them. The San Diego State Aztecs are a good basketball team. And they're also going to be growing as a school because word is out. Apparently, they're getting a record number of applicants to go to San Diego State. Yeah, and also, you know, the landscape of their college football team is changing, too. They're going to be playing in the New Orleans Bowl, but they are set to announce today San Diego State. is set to announce today that they will move their football program to the Big East Conference. There is a lot of reshuffling going on in college football right now as far as people moving conferences, mega conferences, you know, 20-team conferences, if you will. Well, as an East Coast city, I think that makes a lot of sense. Yeah, yeah. San Diego State in the Big East. Why? Cash. I mean, bottom line is cash. They're going to get a new TV deal.

17:43It's heinous. It's heinous. It's not heinous. It's not heinous. It's actually really good for the program. It's good for the program. Isn't it completely heinous? Those things don't mean anything anymore. Don't they? No. They're not geographic anymore. They're not. I love how nothing means nothing. But no, listen, they're going to have more access to big bowl games. They're going to have... More money in TV revenue, which is great. They need that. Their budget was $1.5 million annually. The lowest estimate, the lowest that they can make from this new deal is $6.5 million annually. So they can make more. They can recruit better players. I'm happy for that. I'm happy to see San Diego State rise in recognition, get some awesome players, all that stuff. I just think it's kind of filthy that we just don't even care. We'll call you Big East. We'll be the Big East because it's dough. And it's football only. So the rest of the sports will be probably placed in the Big West. So it's a little convoluted in college football these days, but it's supposed to all shake out. This is supposed to come into effect July of 2013. So, you know, congratulations are in order. They are going to be a more nationally recognized team.

19:00Does that mean they have to travel farther for their games, obviously? Yeah, they're going to play some non-conference games. They're also going to play the people that are currently in the Big East. So these students are getting paid, and now they have to travel all the way across the country. Yeah, yeah. So now you're supposed to study and keep your grades up. Well, they've always had to travel. You've always had to travel. But I mean, that's a lot of travel. But now they'll probably get airfare instead of buses and stuff. And don't play then if you don't want to get paid. You know, don't play a game that can potentially get you into the NFL to make millions and millions and millions of dollars. Edwell's making that kind of money and the kids don't make anything. And also, you guys, it's called the Big East, but there are divisions in the Big East. Okay, like the Big 12 was the Big 12 North, Big 12 South. Yeah. Well, this is, they're going to have, they're going to have, I guess you'd have to call it the Big East West because there's a Western. It's so stupid. I know, there's a Western division. It's got Boise, it's got Houston, SMU. Air Force and Louisville. Should have Hawaii in it. Should have Hawaii, too. Sure. And Alaska. So weird. Hey, this is good news, though. Check this out, man. 69,000. 69,000 kids applied. Oh, my gosh. For admission to SDSU. That is insane. Yeah. See what sports can do for a school. Yep, and it's a good place to live and a good place to go to school. 15% increase. A lot of good-looking girls over there, I'd imagine. Yeah.

20:25Of course. I'd imagine there would be. All the warm schools. Yeah. Arizona State. Arizona State. The University of Arizona. Florida State. Florida State. It's always a deal. Yeah, you should have seen some of the pigs I went to college with up in South Bend. That's it. It's butt cold up there. You should start mincing words. That's an interesting way to put it. Hey, you lower your standards a little bit up there in the bend real good. Hogging it real good. You got to go hogging. Slump busting. Sometimes you got to bust your slump. Karma, I guess. What, me being sick? Fat. Oh, fat. Yeah. Well, look, here's the deal. More money for SDSU means better players, and it also means... And bigger bowl exposure. You know, they actually would have a shot at a BCS bowl now, which is really cool. Yeah. It's really cool. That's big money. Hey, this is kind of funny. Alec Baldwin, he got in trouble, got kicked off a plane. This is big news today. That dude is a hothead. Oh, yeah. Same dude that yelled at his daughter on a voicemail that went public. Yeah. Where he's screaming at her.

21:40calling her a little pig. So what's the deal, Woods? They're sitting at the gate at LAX, and he was playing Words with Friends, which is an online Scrabble, basically. Online? Like on your phone? Yeah, on your phone. He was actually on his iPad. And he was playing with his buddy, I guess. They were playing Words with Friends, and they're like, Mr. Balvin, you need to turn your iPad off. And he's like, I don't want to. I'm playing Words with Friends. We're not moving, so I'm not gonna. They asked him to leave the plane. Apparently, he slammed a door, a bathroom door so loud that the captain came out and was like, hey, dude, you know, not the place to screw around is on the plane. Right. So, of course, what does he do immediately? After he gets asleep, he tweets immediately. Flight attendant on American reamed me out for playing words with friends while we sat at the gate. Not moving. Hashtag. No wonder America Air is bankrupt. What a. Douche. Yeah. Then all the people that were on the flight, what do they start doing? Tweeting immediately. Like, oh, my God, just saw Alec Baldwin get kicked off a plane. So his rep has said, quote, Alec was asked to leave the flight for playing Words with Friends on his iPad while parked at the gate. Alec is so in love with Words with Friends that he'd risk getting thrown off a flight to play. He's already been rebooked on another American Airlines flight. He immediately got off and got right on another flight. Oh, yeah.

23:11Weird. Just turn it off. They tell you to. Clown head. Why mess with all of our safety, jerk? Oh, boy. With the people that I got to stay on it. Yeah. I got it. Well, hey, I know there's a rule, but I have looked around, observed that the situation calls for something different. Right. Right. So alter your rule for me. Because I've observed something that I think should change it. By the way, do you know who I am? I'm going to change policy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys, you've seen 30 Rock, right? 30 Rock. He's entitled to it. You've seen Glengarry Glen Ross? I was in Glengarry Glen Ross. Yeah, it was actually the best character. What about Beetlejuice? That's right. You drove a Hyundai to get here tonight. I drove an $80,000 BMW. That's my name. That's him talking to the flight attendant. Yeah. Maybe. You think this is abuse? You can't take this. How can you take the abuse you get on a sit? It's a lot of nerve to get told by a flight attendant to put your stuff down. And you don't put your stuff down. Put that coffee down. No, it's an iPad. It's an iPad, Alec. It's not coffee. Put that coffee down. He's telling her to put the coffee down. Takes brass ball. It sure does. It sure does. Just because you're rich doesn't give you... See this watch?

24:31That watch costs more than your car. Okay, I get it. Now you're just being a jerk. Now you're just being a jerk about it. You're being a haughty jerk. You see, pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. You're nothing. You can't say that, Alex. You see, pal, that's who I am, and you're nothing. Hey, it's a hardworking lady there. Yeah. Or man. Gosh, darn. You drove a Hyundai to get here tonight. I drove an $80,000 BMW. Wow. That's my name. She's just trying to get by. Yeah. Yeah. Working for a living, man. Alec, now you're just calling out what she drives. Hyundai's a good car. Yes. Hyundai's a great car. It's a fine car. You see, pal, that's who I am and you're nothing. Wow. Pal. Wow. You don't call a girl pal. No. It's not very nice. Not nice at all. Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it because you are going out. He's talking to himself. Yeah, it had to be. I may have watched that scene every morning getting ready when I was in sales. May have. Had it on DVR. I'm not a clown. Master salesman. No, no, no, Woods. To be fair to Jay, you have floppy red shoes on. You've got a flower on your lapel that squirts water. Nope. 100%. You have a bright red nose. That's because I'm sick. Yeah, but your face is painted white with a big red lipstick smile. Why is that? And you came to work on a tiny unicycle.

25:58And yesterday you came to work pouring out of a Shriner car. Yeah, with a bunch of other friends. There was like 35 other clowns in there. 35 other clowns in the car. That's a true statement. Let's see. Jared Allen. This is kind of... Oh, wait. Sorry. No, no, no. Thank you, buddy. You all right? I'm dying, but I'm all right. I'll live. Poor Woodsy had the opportunity to fix himself up yesterday. And did not. I'll tell you, well, I'll let Woodsy tell you the story about how he wanted to rip the CBS lady's head off. She didn't do anything that she thought was wrong. She thought it was okay, but didn't realize what she did was actually quite insensitive. Oh, yeah. And we'll tell you what that is coming up.

27:19More from The Mikey Show coming up on FM 94.9. I know this may sound funny, but when my hair looks good, I feel good. And this holiday season, I'm going to buy a new outfit, get my nails done, and do something great for my hair. I'm going to buy myself the Ovation Cell Therapy holiday gift set. Ovation Cell Therapy is guaranteed to help grow your hair thicker, stronger, longer, and faster, up to twice as fast. With just an easy rinse-out application of Ovation Cell Therapy, the breakage and damage caused from harsh chemicals, heat, styling, and over-processing can be... And your hair will look and feel healthy again. Look your best this holiday season. Give yourself the gift you'd love to receive. The Ovation Cell Therapy Holiday Gift Set. An assortment of the most popular Ovation products at a very special holiday price. Give the gift you'd love to get. Give the Ovation Holiday Gift Set. A special holiday package at a special holiday price. Order now at OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout for your special introductory discount. Hurry, this is a limited offer. Ovation Hair.

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30:35From all of us at Boarshead to all of our friends across this wonderful country of ours, we wish you the happiest of holidays. Boarshead, compromise elsewhere. Scratch Perry, coming to 4th & B December 9th. This is the upset-up. With San Diego's own Shoreline Roots, Ian Young, and DJ Carlos Coulter. Tickets on sale now. You can purchase tickets at 4th & B or on their website, www.4thandbievents.com, or any Ticketmaster location. Cost is $25. Ages 21 and up. Here I present Mr. Lee Scratch Perry. What do you have on your gift-giving list this year? A climber, snowboarder, or skier? Someone that loves the great outdoors? Not a problem. Maybe a runner, golfer, or scuba diver? We got you covered. You see, at Sports Chalet, we have something for every athlete or weekend warrior on your list. You can stop by and talk to one of our gift-giving experts or go to sportschalet.com and check out our holiday gift center. Either way, you're going to find what you're looking for at Sports Chalet. Sports Chalet is a drag and a trial when I bought my cheap insurance.

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34:32College Way, they're in the mid-20s there. College Avenue Broadway is about 34 miles an hour. And the drive on the way up there to Chula Vista through Imperial Beach, looks like Main Street to Coronado Avenue, 10 miles an hour. This report brought to you by Cox Business. Cox Knows Business. Cox Business, providing solutions for all your business communication needs. Supported by a local team, Cox Knows Business. Visit online at coxbusiness.com. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Anytime you're ready. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. Woods. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I bite into it, it goes. Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls trip and I'll go on like a surf trip or something. But if I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9.

35:39That guy doesn't sound like a pervert, right? Oh, God, totally. Billy, this is your producer. Why are you saying that like a pervert? Can't you just say it normal? You don't like the way I'm saying it. No, you, but when you and I talk, we just talk like this. Yeah, whatever, say it like, go on and record it like this. But, I don't, if that's how you want it, yours is easy to talk. That's fine. It's your record, but... Have you been hanging out with Jay Isbell again? Gosh darn. You sound like a pervert. He did hang out at the bar I hung out at. Did he? I peeped inside a window. I'll give you something to talk about. You sound like a creep. Sounds pretty normal to me. You speak pervert, yeah. You do too.

36:52Word of the day is conductor. When I say conductor between now and ten, caller number nine. Give you a pair of tickets to the Holiday Bowl. You get to see Cal take on the Texas Longhorns. It's the 28th. It's happening at Qualcomm, and they play that every year here in San Diego. The Holiday Bowl is played in San Diego, and it's pretty cool to get to go see it. If you've never done it, you need to. This is a good lesson for those of you that are not pet owners, but work in the public, because this will teach you something. Woods has 427 dogs. Yes, true statement. Woods, how many dogs do you have? I have seven. Now, I'll even tell you this. Woods originally did not have this many dogs. Correct. But what happened was he took care of a couple of dogs for somebody and they turned into your dogs. Yeah, we've never heard back from the gentleman. He had some problems. I mean, in fairness to the man, he went into rehabilitation. Trying to better him. Trying to better his life. Right.

38:16But I guess his stipulation was, I need somebody that loves dogs to take care of mine. So we said, yeah, yeah, we'll watch them for 30 days. Well, that was about six months ago, which is fine. We love them. What would you do if you wanted them back? I'd give them back to them. You would? Yeah. It would be hard. It would be really hard, but I would do it. I love you. It makes me sick to think about, but I would do it. He likes him more because he calls him the whites. The whites. Yeah, we call him the white dogs. We all know what some sort of, yeah, supremacist. Yeah, exactly. Yes, exactly. Well, of course. Well, actually, I'm the only person on our show that actually wore a Malcolm X hat. That is true. To get people off your trail. Yeah. I've also seen you in a sheet. That's true. When Woods was 14, he wore a Malcolm X hat. Yeah, I love black people. Me too. For different reasons, though, LLB. Yours are a little bit different. Sexual. Just one reason to blow the waist. That's true. I'm black. Oh, wow. Wow. I think I understood what she was saying there. Great knees. The other five dogs.

39:29Or Yorkies. No, four Yorkies and a lab. Oh, yeah, that's right. They've forgotten a child. See, I always forget the lab because Woods doesn't like the lab. I love the lab. He's awesome. Pretends to like the lab. He's my boy. Barely talks about him. Doesn't talk about him ever. He's such a good boy. He doesn't really do anything. It's kind of the black lab of the family. Well, he is black. He's very sweet. So anyway. He's very sweet. One of Woods' favorite dogs is Lucky. Yeah, he's my best friend. And he's a little Yorkie. Yeah, he's my best friend in the whole world. Woods is a guy that chews Copenhagen tobacco. He is a guy that has spent time in jail. That is true. He is a guy that has gotten in his fair share of fist fights. He wears a Yankees cap. He is a guy's guy. I'm a fair share of ladies, too. Don't forget. Yes, he has. Yes, he has had his fair share. Back in the day. Back in the day, before he was married. Yes. Married a beautiful blonde woman. That is right. Yeah, he did. But he's got those four little Yorkies, and that little Lucky, I mean, you've got to see him with this guy. Wood's six feet tall, and he just gets that. French kisses him. French kisses him. He sleeps right in the crook of my arm every night, with his head right here on my left shoulder.

40:54And when I go home and nap, where's Lucky? He's right by my side all the time. He's my best friend. Lucky's sick right now. He has epilepsy, so he's sick. And so Woods had to go get some medication. Now, I did not know this. I thought that when you got medication for an animal, that the vet gave it to you. No. I didn't know that you take the prescription to, like, a pharmacy. I didn't either. I thought that the veterinarians had that. Sometimes. I always thought it was special meds that were for dogs only or cats only. There are oral medications that they take that are in a bottle, like a spray bottle. And a lot of times you'll get those from the vet. But if it's a pain pill, or in Lucky's case, his epilepsy medicine is phenobarbital. And so you've got to pick that up at the pharmacy. So it's the same thing they give humans, just different dosage? Different dosage, probably. And insurance does not pay. What's insurance? It's like insurance, but pronounced differently. I don't think so. I think it was pronounced exactly like that. Now. Insurance? Insurance. Now, Woods goes to CBS. He gets the seizure medication. The woman at the CBS is a very nice lady. She says to Woods very cheerily, she says, sounds like, oh, first she asked you. Oh, because she saw the medication. Does your dog have seizures?

42:24Yeah. She said, is this for your dog? I said, yeah, because the name on it's Lucky Woods, right? No, is this for your dog? I said, yeah. And she said, oh, does he have seizures? And I said, yes. And she goes, oh, sounds like Lucky's not so lucky. Oh, my gosh. Sweat pouring down my face at that point. Why would she say that? Well. You know bees and dogs can smell fear? You know. I guess this is what you got to remember is that pet owners feel like that pet is a member of the family because it is. It's a member of the family. You can't mess with it. You can't screw with it. This is what you got to remember as well. She would not have said that if it had said Jamie Woods. Right. She wouldn't have been like, hey.

43:22Does Jamie have seizures? Does your wife have seizures? Yeah. Or let's say that your wife's name was Lucky, and she said, oh, is this for a dog? And you said, no, actually, it's for my wife. She wouldn't have then gone, oh, sounds like Lucky's not so lucky. Right. She wouldn't have made the joke, right? I wanted to hit her in the throat. I mean. What did you do? Just stare at her? I stared at her, and I go, ha, ha, ha, like that. And I was like, what's the damage? How much did I owe? And paid it and left. I wanted. Very unprofessional. Oh, yeah. Just zip your lip, pharmacy lady. Give you a slap. I was mad. Oh, I was mad. Yeah. It wouldn't have bothered me. Well. Because you hate animals. I love animals. Well, you see animals as utilitarian and for meat. What is utilitarian? Oh, just for kind of just getting around, you know. They serve a purpose. They serve a purpose. I take my dog on walks. We go on runs together. We're buddies. We're buddies. He loves his dogs. Yeah. Listen to this. Dog people are 15% more likely to be extroverts. 15? 15% more likely to be extroverts. Believe it. Cat people are 11% more likely to be introverts. Makes sense. Makes sense. Dog people. They're 36% more likely to use a pop song as their ringtone. Huh. That's interesting.

44:49Cat people are 14% more likely to cling to friends at a party. Wow. This all came from Hunch.com. Listen to this one. Dog people are 67% more likely to call animal control if they happen upon stray kittens. Cat people are 21% more likely to try to rescue stray kittens. Oh, yeah. Dog people, 11% more likely to say they support cloning, but only for animals or pets. 100%. Cat people, 17% more likely to have completed a graduate degree. Oh, eggheads. Yes. I'm getting a sense here that cat people are smart and us dogs, because I consider myself a dog person.

45:50You don't have either. I think it's like happy-go-lucky versus like an intellect. Yes. What if you like them both? If you like them both, you're a sex pervert. Yeah, you're a sex pervert. You're a sex pervert. Yeah, you're a deviant. I love them both. You're sexually deviant, then. My wife won't let me have a cat. Well, I've got listeners in the audience that like cats, so I thought that I would appeal to them. I've got to cover my face. I've got to cover all my face. Fish. I like fish. And pigeonholed. Fish, too. Hamsters. I like pigeonholed. In fairness, Jay's also a raccoon person. Yeah. I love raccoons. God. They'll turn on you, though. Dog people are 18% more likely to consider Paul McCartney their favorite beetle. That is a true story. 0% in my case. Wow. He's my least favorite. Who's your favorite? George Harrison. How about you, L.O.B.? Gosh, I don't know. Probably either John Lennon or Paul McCartney. And what do you consider yourself, a cat or dog person? Dog person. Oh, really? You don't have to own one, Jay, to be one. To love them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if I were to, it'd be a dog. You know, I love dogs.

46:53I do. A little chihuahua or something. Woods, I don't necessarily have to have a chihuahua. Yeah, pretty much you do. Well, yeah. I can have a German shepherd. You're Mexican hairless. You're not German. You're Latino. I know I am. You need a chihuahua. There you go. But just because I'm Latino, it doesn't mean I gotta have a chihuahua. You do. You can get a Mexican short hair also. Yeah. It's not the only... I said Mexican hairless. Mexican hairless. Oh. I could have any kind of dog. Well, they say that dogs and owners look alike. I don't look like a Chihuahua, though. A big Chihuahua. You're Mexican. Somebody's been overfeeding their Chihuahua. Looks like the food spilled over and Chihuahua found it, huh? What a weekend. Or a year. Cat people, George Harrison.

47:57Woods. Yeah. I like George, too. Dog people are 9% more likely to think of zoos as a happy place. Love the zoo. Zoo's badass. Cat people are 10% more likely to send messages on Twitter. Dog people are 30% more likely to enjoy slapstick humor and impressions. That's me. That is definitely you. Oh, yeah. Love slapstick. And cat people. are 21% more likely to enjoy ironic humor and puns. Wes Anderson movies. The cat people are like more highbrow. Yeah. Yes. More uppity, much like the cats. My wife is a cat person, and when you say something that is a pun to my wife, she genuinely, I don't mean that she sort of feigns. That she thinks it's funny. She genuinely thinks it's hysterical. Pun humor to me, it doesn't do anything for me. Nothing. Nothing for me. Those are little known facts about dogs and cats. 570-1949 is the number. This is M1 Nubian Prince from Otai Mesa. Hello, Bree. What's up? Good morning, Mikey. Good morning.

49:26Hey, I want to tell you guys a quick story. I realized my fiance, she's got this little greyhound chihuahua mix. Dog is, like, super small, like, really, really small dog. Well, this one night, about two and a half weeks ago, got attacked by a coyote, barely got this dog out of this coyote's, like, jaws, man. Crazy. Yeah, it was pretty gnarly, you know, but I've never seen her like that before, and I knew at that moment, I mean, I knew before a little bit, but not to that extent, how much she loved that puppy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And same thing, man. I mean, I know some good friends of ours, Lori and Kelly. They've got a dog. He looks like a miniature. He's like a miniature greyhound, if you can picture that. Got it. And same thing, man. A coyote got a hold of that dog. He's okay. But when that coyote got a hold of that dog. Lori ran something like four miles with that dog in her arms. Right. At full speed. At full speed to save his life. Yep. And did. And did. And did. There's nothing I wouldn't do for my dogs. Nothing. Thank you, Nubian Prince. Don't worry. What are black people? There you go. Thank you. That's our friend Nubian Prince. Yeah. Woodsy, you would do anything for that dog. For any of them. And little Lucky. Now, Lucky is different from Sonny.

50:55Yeah, Sonny is Senior Beans. Senior Beans. Lucky is the second dog that we ever got. It was Penny Bell's the first. Lucky was the second. Beans is the third. That is my puppy. There's my little pup. Oh, Beansy. That's Senior Beans, everybody. I'm not feeling so good. I know you're not. I have an issue with my belly. Yep. Make me go poop. Oh, yes. All over this morning. Wow, that's great. You don't have to. Tell everybody what I do, though. Well, you like to call me out for stuff from time to time. I did go poo-poo. Why didn't you go outside when you got walked? Because it's more fun to go in the house, L.O.B. Oh, okay. Is that a L.O.B.? This is L.O.B., yes. I hope that on Friday that you are the one that has to show your bikini. I won't be, but... Yes, Senior Beast. He's on the team. Because I don't think that anybody wants to see a 45-year-old Serbian man. Seven. He's not 45, he's 48. Oh, that's right. I was talking dog years. Oh. Seven. I'm with you, Beans. In fact...

52:15I heard Edward Garland just called and said that he is old. Oh, good one. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. What can I do for you? What can I bring you? I'll bring you something, but I need something for your belly. I need you to bring me the Pepto Bismol. Oh, Pepto Bismol. Yes. I need the emodium. Yeah, you do need the emodium. Make sure it says A-D. Okay. Emodium A-D. All dogs. All dogs. All dogs. Emodium all dogs. Okay, done. I needed a thong. The what? Thong? I needed a thong. A thong. A thong. Thong? No, no, no. I'm speaking English. Open up your freaking English. You're kind of speaking English. Yeah, kind of. I needed a tongs. Oh, tongs. Yeah, I've got those for you. I needed a tongs because if I don't get it, it make me go poop. Yeah, you were awful this morning. I think you need a better diet. Yeah. Well, he has a great diet, but he got into the trash. Oh. This weekend. Well, you know, Papi.

53:34They say that a lot of times dogs act out if they don't get to burn up the energy. You have plenty of time to burn up energy in our huge backyard. You know what would be really, really awesome, puppy? What's that? If once every 50 freaking years. Yeah. You took me on a walk. That's right. You walk plenty. When was the last time you walked, B&C? I can't remember. How about yesterday? I can't remember. In the backyard when we were running and throwing the ball around. When was the last time you saw a leash? I don't even know. You don't need a leash. The L-O-B, I don't even know. You probably don't even know what a leash is. No. Yes, what is this you're talking about? You know what a leash is. It goes around your neck and then when your owner walks you, he holds the other end. Oh. Oh, yes. You bring back a memory that is so old. Yeah. I remember one time out of guilt. Yeah, that's true. One time out of guilt. Really? I was taken on a wall. You get plenty of exercise. Plenty. No, you don't. Stay out of the garbage.

54:48I always leave the door open for you. You're free to come and go as you please. I'm going to bring you some Pepto-Bismol. Hopefully there'll be nice coyotes out there too for you. No, there's no coyotes down there. Yeah. Pepto-Bismol. Bacon. You shouldn't get bacon, you're sick. I know. I love you so much. I love you so much. It's the same effect on Mikey. Yeah. How did I get drawn into this? What are you doing? I can tell you why the bedbugs are spreading. I can tell you why. I know why. I'm telling you, I know why. Don't go anywhere.

56:00That stuff's hooey. You gotta have a screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world by the tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Yeah, boy! On FM 94.9. Are you looking for the absolute best place to buy a pair of high-quality, brand-name sheepskin boots or slippers, and at the best price? Boot World is San Diego's home of sheepskin, and I'm here to tell you why. This is Ed Stone, president of Boot World. Boot World has the largest selection of the most popular, quality, brand-name sheepskin. Ugg Australia, Aussie Dogs, Stahikam, and Old Friend. You'll find a huge selection of all the classics and lots of unique styles to help you make your own personal statement without driving all over town. Plus, Boot World has carefully selected and priced our sheepskin boots and slippers to have the absolute finest product in each price range. This is quality that will be enjoyed for years to come. Boot World wants to help you get the sheepskin footwear you want, so don't wait. Come in now to Boot World while the selection of boots and slippers for men, women, and children are at their best. You'll find the sheepskin you want at San Diego's home of sheepskin. Boot World on Convoy in Kearney Mesa, Plaza Camino Real in Carlsbad, San Marcos, El Cajon, Chula Vista, Midway Drive, and bootworld.com. Oh, honey, that turkey was cooked to perfection.

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58:46So get out there and buy tickets like there's no tomorrow because tickets are on sale now. Check warrenmiller.com for details. FM 94.9 welcomes Warren Miller's like there's no tomorrow to Encinitas this week. Check it out at the La Paloma Theater on 10. Ticket holders get buy one, get one free lift ticket offers to Heavenly and Mountain High and $25 off at Sports Chalet. Get your tickets at ticketfly.com, select Sports Chalet stores and at theater box offices. Check warrenmiller.com for more information. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl they've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones. And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking. Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now. I'm old. Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. You can get in line or charge ahead.

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1:02:40FM949SD.com. And tell us about a teacher that helped motivate you. Teachers are heroes. Made possible by Azusa Pacific University, Legoland, California, and FM949. This report is brought to you by USS Midway Museum. Looking for a unique holiday gift by a USS Midway family membership? Be entered to win an overnight stay on Midway. More info at www.midway.com. Well, it looks like we got a lot of slowing in different parts of the city. An accident here on the 15 southbound at 9th Avenue. It is over on the right shoulder. Also, a problem here on the 805 northbound. Very slow from the 54 to University Avenue. And in Vista on the 78 eastbound, Sycamore Avenue. Watch out, there's a ladder. It's in the fast lane. This report brought to you by Mimi's Cafe. Looking for Finn's Cafe today. Try a new Cafe Express Lunch. Starts at just $6.99. If it's not served in 15 minutes or less, your lunch is free. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I don't have any, you know, athletic ability. Lauren. I worked at Comic-Con. Woods. I, to my credit, Steve Woods have a hole in one. And Jay. I love that sappy movie. On FM 94.9.

1:04:12Some would be telling you why bedbugs are spreading so crazy in just a minute. And if you haven't become a part of M1 Nation yet, become a part of M1 Nation. How do you do that? You spread the word like bedbugs. You recreate. You get the word out there. And M1 is a Mikey Show listener. When you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point, and don't cuss. Know the rules. Mikey Show is myself, Woodsy, L-O-B. And Jay, our phone screener is Nicole. Woodsy, what's the latest in sports? I'm going to tell you who the finalists for this weekend's Heisman Trophy presentation are in a second. But first, I wanted to tell you that sports is brought to us today by our friends at Dave and Buster's Eat, Drink, Play Football. Look, so the Heisman Trophy is this weekend. They're going to be doling it out. And here are the finalists. Stanford quarterback, Andrew Luck. Baylor quarterback.

1:05:14RG3, Robert Griffin III, Trent Richardson from Alabama, Monty Ball. Who is he? He's running back. Running back. Monty Ball, also a running back from Wisconsin, and LSU cornerback Tyron Matthew, who is an absolutely phenomenal player. Andrew Luck would be my guess as the winner. And this is a story I had to tell you guys about, man. By the way, I have a conspiracy theory. Do you? On the Heisman? No, but about Andrew Luck. About Andrew Luck. I have a conspiracy theory. What is it? I believe Ron Wolfe, the GM of the Indianapolis Colts, is purposefully making his team lose every single game so that he could have the first pick and take Andrew Luck, who will be the successor for Peyton Manning. I'm a psycho. You're not. It's called the Suck for Luck campaign. And a lot of the Miami Dolphins were being accused of sucking for luck about four games ago before they went on a little winning streak. For real? Yeah. Because I thought when I thought of that, I thought I may be a psychopath. No, you're not. Once you realize the season's a wash. Right. It's a tactical move. But I didn't think anybody really did it. And I don't think players would ever do it. I don't think professional players would ever go out and tank a game. But what if, what if, what if though? What if they did? No, but what if this? What if, what if Ron Wolfe, the general manager for the Indianapolis Colts, had a...

1:06:43big catered dinner at his house. And he invited the players over. And they're all like, what are we coming over for dinner for? They get there, the fireplace is on, it's all nicely warmed. He treats them all to a beautiful catered dinner. Maybe he even gives them all some sort of gift. A Rolex or something. Rolex, just because, you know, they've been through a tough season. And then he explains his master plan and he says, do I have pine? There's no way. They're professionals. I don't think so either. No, they would have tweeted it by now. Oh, yeah. They would have tweeted it. But this, you know, it's... Do you want Andrew Luck?

1:07:27Probably. I mean, is he going to be a good NFL quarterback? There's no guarantee. I mean, there's no guarantee. But this is an absolutely crazy story about Indomitian Sioux. If you don't know who he is, he is the defensive lineman for the Detroit Lions. And this guy, he's the dirtiest player in the NFL. I mean, it's widely known. On Thanksgiving Day, he stomped on the guy's arms. And it's only his second year, too, right? Yeah, it's his second year. And he's already kind of earned the title of dirtiest player in the NFL. Now he's kind of earning the title of psychopath. Why? And he's a beast, by the way. He is a great player. Phenomenal. Phenomenal talent on the field. So after he stomped on the guy on Thanksgiving, he was suspended two games. And he said, look, I didn't stomp on the guy, man. I was off balance and I stepped on him on accident. He stomped on him. And everybody saw it. And he said, well, look. It's the man upstairs, and I know what I did. Really? Well, so he's been suspended two games. He was back in his home state of Oregon, and he was driving last weekend, and he got in a wreck, swerved and hit a tree in his muscle car. So he said, well, I was avoiding a taxi that was in the way. Well, he had two girls with him. Wow. And these two girls are like, no, dude.

1:08:41Floored the car. Oh, gosh. We went out of control. We slammed into a tree and into a fountain and into a light pole. And this guy, basically, he doesn't have that thing. What do you call it, Woods? A 10-cent head? Yeah, he's got a 10-cent head, dude. He's got a million-dollar potential. A million-dollar potential. And a 10-cent head, man. And he just doesn't understand. He's got, like, an issue with telling the truth. Yeah. And so these girls are like, one of them's hurt. Like, she's got cuts on her lips. She's kind of banged up. Do they even say how he knows them? No, probably, you know, who knows? I don't want to speculate how he knows these guys. It doesn't say, though, right? But the girls said, no, we weren't avoiding anything. He was hauling ass and went out of control. Now, it did say that he wasn't impaired, you know, by drugs or alcohol. But the cops have now... He was impaired by Indomitian Sioux. Indomitian Sioux, yeah. The only thing in that guy's way is him. Now, I will say this. In terms of play. Forget it. You want him. Oh, you want him. He's gnarly. If he's on your team, you're like, what? He's your boy. But, boy, if you don't like somebody, if you don't like that team, if you're an anti-Lions guy, you hate that guy. Talent-wise, it's through the roof. On parallel. This guy is unbelievable, but it sounds like Wood said. Guy's got a 10-cent head. He's got a 10-cent head, man.

1:10:06He's not the engineer. He's the conductor. And that's just the way it's going to be. Absolutely. By the way, on Friday, you're going to want to get a nice viewing place. Yeah. When we do a bet between Jay and LOB. We're going to send them down to Friars and Frisee in Mission Valley, the intersection. They're going to be wearing robes. And underneath the robes, they're going to be wearing a bikini. Jay's a man. Yes. Jay's not short for Jane. He's a hairy man. We've got Bush. Lauren O'Brien is a foxy blonde. How you doing, baby? The two of them will be down there holding up cell phones to their ears while I give them pop culture questions. Dang it.

1:11:06There's room down there if people wanted to bring, like, chairs and a thermos of, like, hot apple cider to watch. Why not? Actually, go ahead, because then maybe the cops will break it up. No. Cops are going to be the first ones out there, will they? Oh, yeah. Cameras. Camera phone. No cameras. With their beach chairs. It's going to be a scene. It's going to be a scene. No cameras allowed. Friars and Frisee. L-O-B-N-J. Yep. Pop culture trivia. Loser's got to drop the robe. And we'll see the bikini. Now, it's a win-win for M1 Nation. Oh, yeah. If L.O.B. has to drop the robe, you're going to see a very foxy blonde girl in a bikini. And if Jay has to drop his robe, you're going to see a 48-year-old man. Father of four. Say again, I was recording. Salt and pepper hair. Oh, yeah. Everywhere. Everywhere.

1:12:08In a bikini. Well, I'm going to trim it all back. Get the hedge clippers, I guess. Yeah. You got to hire a gardener. Yeah. Mikey. Oh, wow. Seems right up your alley. I am not a gardener. Aren't you? Mm-mm. You like to garden. You do like to garden. And? That one gets me, see, because I actually do. Yeah. And so I play right into the stereotype. Mm-hmm. I'm Hispanic and I like to garden. You like to garden. What's up with that? Do you love burritos? Yeah, but most people do. Yeah. Not like you do. Nobody likes to garden like this guy. That's true. Little hands. Little green thumb over there. Little green thumb. Dainty. Delicate. Little dainty green thumb. How dare you. You want to know why bed bugs are exploding in this country? Not really. Because it skeeves me out. It's so disgusting. Why? It's so disgusting. Why? Because they're inbreeding. You see, a single mated female will give birth to thousands. And then they mate with her. With the mom? With the mom. Bed bug.

1:13:31Those filthy, those hillbilly. Those hillbilly freaking bedbugs. Backcountry bedbugs. Ass backwards. Bedbugs. Bedbugs. Just doing it with their mom. That's idiot. It's gross. Oh, man. And so, basically, the city of New York is spending $40 million a year trying to control. inbreeding bed bugs. Can I just give a little side note tip in regards to this? If anyone is going somewhere and they're going to get a hotel, check out the reviews online before you go because everybody gives reviews, bad reviews especially, because...

1:14:24They're in places you wouldn't expect. It's not just the seedy little rundown motels. Oh, gosh. So before you book your next hotel somewhere, I know the holidays are coming up, check review online first. There's got to be an app that says, here's the best places to not get bed bugs in New York. It makes people not want to go to New York. Not even New York, everywhere. I was getting a hotel in L.A. last weekend. I thought about going to the Gaslamp District a few weeks ago. There's places you wouldn't expect. Just because the name is on there. How do you know if you have bedbugs now? And by the way, when I say the word bedbugs, do you itch? Yes. Yes. Absolutely. There needs to be an app on your phone that you can swipe over your bed. Yes. You won't want to know what's on there. Well, and they're hard to get rid of, too. You would probably have the bites. Most people react to the bites. Oh, I have a couple little bites on my hip. I wonder if that's bed bugs. Could be. Bedsores. M1 Rooster from Oceanside, are you there? Yes, good morning. Good morning. What was the word of the day? Conductor. Oh. You are correct. You are going to the Holiday Bowl to see Cal take on the Texas Longhorns, my friend. I am pumped.

1:15:44Good job, bro. Good job. Hang in the line. We'll get all your information. So, yeah, bed bugs are disgusting. It's hideous. Yeah, now I'm itchy. Oh, God. Lice are going around my kid's school, so everybody has them. Oh, perfect. Every day you try to check your kid, you're like, huh, okay. Really? Lice bit. Lice bit's bad as well. Everything has to be taken outside or washed and super hot. I had it when I was a girl. I was lice kid. You were lice kid. It went through my whole school day. The whole school had lice. Well, not everybody got it. You know, bro. I didn't have it. No. Because you're, you know why you didn't have it. No, I'm just saying. Because you're so clean. None of my kids have had it, but their friends, like their really close friends have had it. I was lucky. You were lice kid. I was lice kid, but so was. 94% of my school. There was like a few kids that... You're such a meanie. You're mean now. I feel like I'm nine. That's repulsive. I feel nine. Stay away. It's lice, kid. I tried to give it to my popular friend so that I wouldn't feel so bad being... On purpose? Yes. What'd you do? I tried to touch my hair and touch his. You're a lice... Yeah, lice rapist. I'm admitting it. Mikey? I know. That's one of the worst things I've ever heard. I don't know. You've got a couple.

1:16:55I never tried to pass it off, but I did have it. My whole school, my whole sibling little... My parents didn't get it, just the kids. It's the worst. My mom had to separate it all out with the little rid and the tiny comb. Oh, really? Yeah, red. Really? You're so perfect. You're so perfect. I'm far from perfect, but I never had lice. You had crabs. Yes, I had crabs. You probably had crabs. And you didn't order them on a menu. I had a buddy in college that got crabs. Oh, boy. And he made me go to Walgreens and buy the kit because he wouldn't do it. So I had to do it. Are you serious? Yeah, and I was about to vomit because the girls are like, this guy's got crabs. Yeah, he had a friend. A friend. That's true. A friend. I'll give you his name. You know what I'd like to get? A lie detector test to ask you some questions about what you've been up to. Fire away, lice boy. Give me a lice. Fire away, lice boy. Give me lice. Get a friend with a tiny head, if you know what I mean. That's disgusting. Yeah, well. Now, he showed up to my door in a panic, and he showed me them, and I go, dude, get out of my house. He showed you them? He showed me them. You could have gotten them. I know. And I said, yeah, I'll go. What kind of creep?

1:18:12This kid. This kid. Okay. First, two questions here. What kind of creep comes over to your house and says, hey, I have crabs? Then, what kind of creep goes, hey, let me show you. What kind of creep will look? Well, I've never seen it. I didn't know what it was. So I looked. Was it a science project? No. You have a long history of gazing at wieners. This is a true story. He showed it to me. But why didn't you go like this, clowns? I know, I know. But why didn't you go like this? It's all good, dude. Because I kind of wanted to see what they look like. Really? Just in case. You never know. Oh, sick. Prepare yourself. Were they everything you thought they'd be? Information is knowledge, my friend. Black's boy. Information is knowledge. Yes, it is.

1:19:12It's also a guy that wants to look at another guy's piece when he says... It's not on his piece. It's on the surrounding areas. Oh, I think there's a pattern here. I'm starting to see a pattern. Yeah, finally you guys are on board. Jay was on the golf course. Yep. Peeing on the fairway, which is an issue in and of itself. In and of itself. Exactly. It's normal. And his co-worker, our friend Woodsy... Looked at it like a pork chop. Not like a pork chop. Like a savory pork chop. Like Haley's Comet. Luxury meat. Like a savory pork chop. You gazed at it. You're a gazer. Yes, I like men. You're a wiener gazer. Wait a second. You just like to look. Wait. Yeah, I like to look. I don't like to touch. Now, hang on a minute. It is not true. And I want to make sure that I state for the record. It is not true. that Woods is a gay man. However, Woods. Yes. Do you remember that time that you worked at the gay club? Are you guys just deflecting the fact that you had lice? No. Yeah. You're disgusting and you're deflecting it onto me. I'm going after. It's hideous. I was made fun of at nine. For having lice. For having lice. Which is hideous. And you took the liberty.

1:20:32I said no liberty. Oh, yes, you did. All I said was I never had it. I have a serious question, Woods. Okay, I'm sure. When your friend came over with crabs, which you happily delighted in seeing. Yeah, I was interested. Was he a friend that you knew from when you worked at that gay bar called the Mashed Gato Club? No. That's a fair and honest question. That is a legitimate question. Was he a co-worker? No, this was at a different school. All together. Woods, I have a legitimate question. Okay. This is not messing around. This is a legitimate question. When your friend came over and pulled his pants down so that you could look at his crabs, was that friend a patron of the gay club that you worked at called the Mashed Potato Club? No. He wasn't? It's a different town. Woods. What? I'm serious. Is this a legitimate question, though? This is a serious one. All right. When you worked at that gay bar called the Mashed Potato Club in Chicago, did it make you weirded out after you saw your friend's crabs when you later had to serve crabs that night? That's legitimate. Let me ask you guys a legitimate question. Because that club also served seafood. It also served seafood. It also served seafood. The crab-covered potatoes. That's disgusting. Crab bisque. Crab bisque. When you two had lice.

1:22:01Not everyone. In my school. Jay never had it. In my school. That's a legitimate question you have. I have a legitimate question. Thank goodness. When you go to seafood restaurants or pass Joe's Crab Shack, do you reminisce on the time that you begged your friend to pull his pants down so that you could look at his crabs? And help him comb it out. Was part of the problem that you didn't French kiss anybody in high school, the fact that you had lice? What's any gutty? Anybody. What's any gutty? Anybody. What's any gutty? You remember when you had lice? What is any gutty? You remember when you tried to spread your lice to more popular kids? Hey, what? You monster. I have a serious question. A legitimate question. A legitimate question. I just want to know because I want to know more about you. Fire away, L-O-B. When you worked at that gay bar called the Master Tato Club. Yeah, gay friendly. Do you remember that, by the way? Of course.

1:23:04Was it hard for you to salt your potato because you thought about your friend with crab? I don't get it. I don't understand. I don't understand. All right, wait. Wait. I have a legitimate question. Okay, sure. Here we go. That time that you had your buddy come over to your apartment at 2 o'clock in the morning for a booty crab check? Yep. You know when you're drunk and you call your friends and you're like, and you go, hey, do you have crabs? And they go, no. And you go, okay, bye. And then you call someone else. You call another guy friend and you're like, hey, what are you doing? And they go, nothing, man. What's up? And you go, do you have crabs? And they go, actually, yeah. And you go, get out of here. I want to see them. I want to see them. I want to see them. I have a legitimate question. Is the reason that you carry that? comb in your back pocket for fear that you may get lice again. Yes. Yes. When your friend came over, removed his trousers, my friend Chad. Your friend Chad. Oh, makes a lot of sense now. Chad the crab. Chad the crab. Do you think that we will make any kind of deal out of the name Chad from this point on? Crab guy. Your boyfriend Chad? Crab guy. We didn't get it from me.

1:24:29He got it from this townie who. I have a question. Your BFC, your boyfriend, Chad. Not my boyfriend. When your boyfriend, Chad, pulled his pants down to show you his crabs. Right. Yes. Was that the only time you saw his crabs? It was. You didn't see them again? No. Okay. Okay. But did you ever see them while he was shaking his thing on New Year's Eve? He was shaking his thing. At the gay club that you worked at called the Mashed Potato Club. You're a clown. True story. You already played this. See, I thought I did it. You did. And so I didn't want to miss it. Honestly, I don't think I played it. You had crabs on the mind. Yeah. Sorry about it. Is lice in your beard real good? Oh, I'm so itchy right now. Bed bugs, crabs, and lice. Perfect. There are three cereals that you're eating.

1:25:33And they pack more sugar than Twinkies. Perfect. I'm going to tell you what they are when we come back. People are going to like this. The Mikey Show. It's a good time. You know what I mean? Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. For the holidays, you don't put out your everyday china. You take out the wedding china. And you prepare all your treasured holiday foods. Because the holidays are no time to compromise. Which is why on more and more tables across America, you'll find Boar's Head Sweet Slice Ham. Sweet Slice has become a holiday tradition. Because ordinary ham has no place at the holiday table. And there's simply no other holiday ham that offers anywhere near the quality and flavor of Sweet Slice. Sweet Slice is Boar's Head smoked bone-in ham without the bone. It's already cooked, so all you do is heat it up.

1:26:36and con. There's no trouble. There's no waste. Just applause. From all of us at Boarshead to all of our friends across this wonderful country of ours, we wish you the happiest of holidays. Boarshead. Compromise elsewhere. It's BMW's Mission to Drive sales event. Rethink the impossible. And now at BMW Encinitas, we make it possible to get behind the wheel of a brand new BMW. Like a new 2011 BMW 328i for only $199 a month. That's right. A 328i for only $199 a month. Fully equipped with leather, alloy wheels, and much more. So if a brand new 328i isn't in your driveway now, BMW Encinitas will make it happen. Only at BMW Encinitas on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. 2011 328is for $199 a month. It's possible. Visit us online at bmwencinitas.com.

1:27:4424 monthlies, $59.95 to at least inception, $0 security deposit, 10K miles per year. 20 cents per excess mile with approved above average credit. Limit one dinner per household. Must finance with BMW Financial Services. Offer expires end of month. Hey, this is LOB, and it's December, and that means what, Woodsy? It's time to get your holiday shopping done now. You've got to give the gift of great hair like ours. Oh, yeah. I've got... if I do say so myself, fabulous hair. Yeah, I've been using the Men's Max Pack, and I started using Ovation because I saw how amazing my wife Jamie's hair looked. It looked incredible. Well, not to mention my hair, which I come in here every morning just flaunting it about. Yes. Smells delicious. Smells amazing. And L.O.B., it's longer than it's ever been. It is actually longer than it's ever been. Right now is the best time for you to try Ovation because not only is it a really good price that they have going on for their holiday gift set, But if you enter FM949 at checkout, you're going to get a special introductory discount. We got a message that they are almost out of this holiday gift pack. They're almost sold out. You need to get in there now. So go to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. You're going to get that special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout for your special introductory discount. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's take a call.

1:28:58Jack, I'm kind of seeing this guy, but he only calls me at like 2 a.m. and says, hey, come over, let's do something. Does he like seasoned curly fries? Yeah. That's a foodie call. Huh? A foodie call. You know, it's really late, you're craving something, so you and your friends hit up my drive-thru for tacos or real ice cream shakes. Ah, that's a relief. I thought it was like his booty call. His what? Booty call. Who needs boots at 2 a.m.? Target's dedicating Thursday through Saturday's almost last minute sale to everyone who's ever wrapped a present between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m. on Christmas Day. This sale's for everyone who's ever purchased reindeer socks out of sheer panic, left Santa and IOU attached to a Triscuit, or skipped out on caroling to hunt down the latest incarnation of Elmo. This sale's going to have so much good gifting to give that you'll want a gift as early as possible this year. Target's almost last minute sale Thursday through Saturday. Get your gift on. See our three-day ad in tomorrow's paper or visit target.com slash weekly ad for details. Target. Expect. more, pay less. Hurry into the BMW Mission to Drive sales event today for an up to $2,500 credit towards a new 2012 BMW. Visit sdcountybmw.com slash finance today for details on this limited time offer. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, when it's time to service your Toyota, your best choice is your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Great prices. Service while you wait.

1:30:18Wi-Fi shuttle service, and a whole lot more. Well, it looks like we got some slowing here. Valley Center's backed up Woods Valley Road at Valley Vista Drive. It's an injury accident. This car landed on its roof. On the 8 westbound College Avenue, a car stuck. It's blocking the left lane. In Escondido, you've got some delays on the 15 southbound at 9th Avenue due to an accident over on the right shoulder. This report brought to you by Navy Federal Credit Union. Member Mall is Navy Federal's exclusive online shopping mall where your rewards get met. Go to NavyFederal.org and get started. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Yeah, this is the light. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear, like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9. So listen to this. Honey Smacks. Honey Smacks are good. Golden Crisp cereal. And Wheaties Fuel. That's one that surprised me. Of course, because everybody thinks Wheaties and goes, of course it's good for you. It's Wheaties. No, Wheaties Fuel. They top the list of the most sugary cereals out there. Man. They just did a new study on it, and they say that...

1:32:27Just one serving of these has more sugar in it than a Hostess Twinkie. But I cut up Twinkies to put my cereals. Like bananas. Like bananas. So just slice them. Just slice them in there. That's right. Four dozen other cereals have more sugar than three Chips Ahoy cookies. And the biggest offenders are Apple Jacks, Cap'n Crunch. And Honey Nut Cheerios. All three I love. Absolutely adore. Lucky Charms are my favorite. Peanut Butter Cabin Crunch. Oh, yeah. I never liked the peanut butter flavor. When you were growing up, was Tupperware a big player? When I was growing up, Tupperware was a big thing. And my mom would do this thing where she would do the mix. Did your parents ever do the mix? Wow. She didn't mix cereal. Oh, yeah. In Tupperware. No, she didn't. Yeah, she had Tupperware containers for cereal, and she would take dried cereals, and she would mix, like, Cheerios with Apple Jacks. Wow. Because she worked at Guantanamo Bay. Oh, dude. Because they wouldn't eat that. I love it. No way. I used to do it sometimes, but not on purpose. It's because if you were at the bottom of the barrel. Oh, yeah, she did it because it tasted good. Made me nuts. Really? Oh, yeah. I like it. I had to do that, and I also got used to...

1:33:52Putting orange juice on cereal. Really? And liking it. What? What are you talking about? How come? Because we would run out of milk. My parents would have, like, tons of orange juice, probably because they bought it on sale. And milk doesn't really go on sale, really. But sometimes, you know, five kids in your family, if you're the last to wake up, out of milk. So you put orange juice on it. You have a piece of toast. Yeah. No. Just eat it dry. And how many are you listening? How many are you listening? Did your parents do this? You had the Tupperware pitcher, right? Everybody remembers the Tupperware pitcher with the white top. Yeah. That on one side had the slits in it. Right. And on the other side, it was open so that when you poured it, you either had the, you know, I don't know what the hell that drain was there for. Pulp. Pulp. Okay. Hold the pulp back. How many of us remember this when we were growing up? wooden spoon, and you take the white plastic and rip it off of the orange juice. Oh, yeah. And take that thing off and go. We still do that. And it would plop down into the bottom of the thing. Still do that. And then you filled it with water. Three cups. Three to four cups.

1:35:15You take the container, dump it in there, mix it up real good. What are you guys talking about? Making orange juice. Orange juice from concentrate. Concentrated orange juice from what looks like the same thing that you would get Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. Biscuits, yeah. Biscuits. It's still the cheaper way to do it. Apple juice, too. It's the cheap. It's hideous. It's delicious, though. It's Minute Maid. It is hideous. And it burns. You've never heard of orange juice from concentrate? You go in the freezer section. And at the end there, there's lemonade, orange juice, all the different mixing types. So what you do is you buy those, you put them in the freezer so you always have them. Yes. So then when you're ready for some more orange juice, you don't have to take up all the big containers. And they're frozen. It surprises me about Jay. Are you kidding? They're two cents for 19 of them. But they're not very healthy. Oh. Well, when he was growing up, they ate bacon right out of the cow. There's really nothing wrong with them. There's the same mixture of orange juice you're getting at the store. It tastes like butter, though. Yeah, it tastes delicious. It tastes like butter. And you have to take the wooden spoon, like Mike said, and you've got to mash it up. You've got to mash it up. Oh, if you leave it sitting out, it defrosts. Are you kidding me? And then you mix it real easy. L.O.B. Not only do you have to mash it up, you had to scrape it against the... You had to work to get all those little globules. Yes. Did you ever pop the top and eat a bite? Heck no, dude. Oh, yeah. I used to eat it. Like a popsicle. Yeah, it was like a popsicle. It was a very sugary, concentrated orange popsicle.

1:36:41I just remember making the frozen popsicles. Oh, yeah. And you would make it with orange juice. We did that, too. Oh, yeah, delicious. Popsicles are a dollar. Orange juice ice cube. But the kids like to make them, and if you don't mix the concentrate all the way up, it makes it sweet all the way through. That's so gross. That dude is something else. That is so gross. Kind of grossed out. Let's see. Hey, this was just released. 2012. 2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees. G&R. Body of work a little too short. Are you kidding? No. One, two, three. Three albums. I'm sorry. Bro. You're not a Hall of Famer, pal. You do one good record and two mediocre records, plus the spaghetti incident, plus an EP. That ain't Hall of Fame material. But if you're responsible for Welcome to the Jungle, Sweet Child of Mine, and November Rain, don't you? So... Rush isn't in the Hall of Fame, but GNR should be? I don't think so. I am shocked. Great band, dude. Not a Hall of Fame band. Rush isn't in? Rush isn't in. Oh, that's unbelievable. Rush is terrible. Rush is fake. Women just don't understand it. Dude, great song. Well, not only great song. They were like innovators of the sound. Two years. No, they weren't. Aerosmith innovated that sound. And the Stones.

1:38:14Fair enough on that. They were a great band. They were a great band. But they're not a rock and roll hall of fame band. Their body of work, they did. They did Appetite. They did Use Your Illusion 1 and 2. They did a crap covers record called The Spaghetti Incident. And they did an EP called Lies. And that's it. You've got to have a bigger body of work. I cannot believe that my buddy Woods, out of all people. I love GNR. And see, I'm not even that big into them, and I'm shocked. Also, making the cut is the Beastie Boys. I don't consider that rock and roll, though. One record, Check Your Head, was kind of rock and roll. Yeah, and I thought that, what was Girls and Brass Monkey and License to Ill. I think you follow that under Turd. License to Ill. You follow those songs under Turd. No. Brass Monkey. And Girls. Those are great. It's under turds. It's one of my number one most loathed bands of all time. Sorry, it's not Katy Perry. Yeah. It's fair enough. Katy Perry has nice boobs. I freaking... Don't try to act like that. That's why you listen to it. Well, that's why I started listening to it. Okay. She's hot. If Ad Rock had nice boobs, I'd probably be more ahead on him. Hey, you're one of the most honest people I know.

1:39:35If you're going to give me the Katy Perry, you listen to Katy Perry. I don't listen to Katy Perry. I like two Katy Perry songs. You always put it on Bumper Music. Yeah, it's on there today. It's okay to say that you like it. She doesn't bother me. She doesn't bother me. Woods. The Beastie Boys suck. It's worse that it... Listen. Better that you like Katy Perry than you said to your friend. Take your trousers off. I'd like to take a look at your crabs. Have you seen my wiener? Now, also making the cut. The Red Hot Chili Peppers, my personal kryptonite. Laura Nairo. Oh. Laura Nairo did make the cut. Thank goodness. Who the hell is Laura Nairo? I don't know. I'm going to get killed for asking that, I'm sure, but how could you not know? The brilliance of... Cleveland, Ohio's Laura Nairo. You're telling me? Are you telling me? Are you telling me that you're not aware of the demo? No. That Laura Nairo put out that is only available now on 7-Inch Final? Who is Laura Nairo? She's a commercial songwriter, singer, and pianist. Yes. She's had success with Barbra Streisand. Yes, this is actually her playing the piano. Piano. Abian. Butthole.

1:41:12Rod Stewart. Oh, boy. What do you guys think about Rod Stewart? Hot legs. I mean, I get it. I'm not that into Guns N' Roses, but I get it. It makes sense to me. That Rod Stewart should be in there? You think he should be? Yeah, man. Dude, I don't like Rod Stewart music, but I get it. Just for having his stomach pumped, he should be in there. And Ronnie Wood from The Stones. They do individuals? I think for his solo work, because he did a lot of solo stuff. He wasn't always in the Stones. Yeah. I get all of those except for Laura Nairo. She was a part of a lot of other people's success, it looks like. She was the pianist on a lot of their... She's a great pianist. Now, I hope that the four people that are really into the Laura Nairo stuff don't... Don't light me up. Don't light me up on that one. Too late. Here they come. I apologize. M1, Richie from Carlsbad. Are you there, Richie?

1:42:11Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. What's going on? Well, I just wanted to call in because I grew up on orange juice concentrate. Me too, man. Me too. When I was like eight or nine years old, every day of my life, either me or one of my brothers plopped that in there. Yeah, and you always remember that ploppy sound and the suction and the sound of taking the white band off the top. Yeah. If you did it right, it came out with that plot. Sometimes you'd just have to reach in there with a knife and put it out. Or a spoon and you'd have to scrape it. Pain in the butt. Yeah. L.O.B., this is something that we're going to have to have you experience. Even if you don't taste it, you've got to see this stuff in action. It's gross. I think I know what you're talking about now. My family never used it. You're lucky, man. You got the good stuff in the carton. It is the good stuff. It is not the good stuff. It's concentrate. They take the essentials and leave the water out. Tom Hanks and Cassway would be like, I don't want it. I don't want it. If I made it for you, you'd love it. I've had it. You can't make it better than I make it. Everybody makes it the same. It's water.

1:43:20I use special water. Oh, my God. Now, this got me. Check this out. These are the things that we call Cadillac problems. And I want to hear from M1 Nation. Oh, yeah. And consider it Weiner Wednesday. Perfect. All right? Because Cadillac problems are those things that we complain about that when you actually think about them, you go. Oh, wow. I can't believe I'm actually complaining about this. Kind of a little spoiled baby, aren't I? Yeah. What I'm talking about is things like you're going to make a sandwich and there's only the freaking heel. There's a normal piece of bread in the heel. What am I going to freaking do? What am I going to do? Will you pitch a fit? Because I will pitch a fit if that happens. To who? Myself. If there's nobody there, I will do it. Flip out. The cabinet slam and the MF and then the whole bit. Great. Great. A freaking heel sandwich. Who do I think I am? Who do I think I am? That's in a fit about that. That is ridiculous. Ella B, do you like the heel? No, I hate the heel. It's hideous. But if it's in there, then, you know, that's what's there. I throw it away. Here's another one. The freaking escalator is not working and I got to walk up the escalator? You're at the airport. You're at the airport and you got to go up to ticketing.

1:44:43And you got your bag, and the escalator's broken. You want to die? Call us if you got them. 570. You want to die. You want to die. 194.9. They knew I didn't want pickles. I always say I don't want pickles, and they put pickles on it. How about that one? Flip out. That's me with mayonnaise. Mayonnaise? If you tell them no mayo. There's mayonnaise on it, I'm like, whole thing's ruined. Oh, yeah. You'll picture fit that in a little bit. How about the empty box of... ice cream sandwiches in the refrigerator. You're like, ice cream sandwich? And you go to the box and it's empty. And empty. You snap. And it could be any box of anything. Popsicle. When was the last time you had an ice cream sandwich? Two weeks ago. I love them. They're always in the refrigerator. Fat children. No, they're soy. If you're going to do it, just do it. They're mini and they're soy. Soy is arguably worse for you. No, it depends if you have it in bulk. The guy has soy ice cream sandwiches. Those aren't ice cream sandwiches. No. We said ice cream. Yeah. Those are turd sandwiches called ice cream sandwiches. Look in the mirror. How about... He's got a point there. Fair enough. It hurts when they're right. It hurts when they're right. It hurts when they're right. How about this one? My lap... My laptop is...

1:46:12Dying, and my charger's upstairs. Oh, yeah. Freak out. Freak out. My charger's upstairs. I get mad my charger's on Jamie's side of the bed. I gotta lean over there. I'm like, babe! Can you ring me a charger? Oh, that is awesome. Oh, I get so mad. How about you want to change the channel? You're... perfectly positioned. You got the pillow. One pillow is nestled here. One pillow is nestled here. You got the blankets exactly where you want them. You feel like all is right in the world. And the remote is across the room. It's going to disturb everything. Just try to like... Stretch your leg out and reach it with your foot. Yeah. Yeah. But you can't. No. You know you can't because it's so far. So far. You're going to have to get up. You can see it. And in your head, in your head, you're like, I can't get around it. There's no one at home. You have to do it. There's no one at home. I can't get around it. I have to freaking get up and go get it and then get back. And I'm not going to find it. There's no way. I'm not going to find it. There is no way I will find that.

1:47:27position that I was just in that will be perfectly like the position I was just in. Something would be like getting my back. Something's poking into my back. Pillows are cold. You'll get back. You'll put the pillows exactly. It won't feel the same. The blanket will be shorter. It won't come back. 570-1949. Call us with your Cadillac problems. M1 Heather from Escondido. Yes. What do you hate? When I need to go to the bank and there is no drive up ATM. And you actually have to get out. Get out of my car. Walk up to the ATM. How about the guy at the said ATM that you had to walk up to that's doing three or four transactions and you're standing outside, outside of your car. Your car's running. And you're like, oh, my God. Cadillac problems. Cadillac problems. These are Cadillac problems. That's me. I love it. M1 Super D from Santee. Are you there? Yes. Go ahead. Oh, my gosh. I hate it. It's so ridiculous. When I go to the gas station and someone has not pulled up to the front pump and I have to actually go around their car. You actually have to back up. I will kill you. You actually have to back up. I hate when I didn't perfectly position it and now the hose won't reach. Yes. You got to pull up a little. I had to do that yesterday. I had to get out. I blamed it on the guy in front of me. Yeah. I was like. And in your mind, it's like the worst thing that can happen in life. Yes.

1:48:54How about, do you guys have near you any gas stations that are a bit antiquated? I, in fact, have one. They don't take credit cards at this one, and it is the most, well, outside at the pump. You have to go inside. You have to go inside. That's a Cadillac problem. That's a Cadillac problem. So when I pull up, and it's surrounded by other gas stations, but it's the only one where I don't have to wait at a light. So inevitably, I pull in. Son of a bitch, why do I keep coming here? And I walk in, and I'm like. Give me 20 on four. You know what I mean? Same thing when it says C attendance. Oh, my God. C attendance. C attendance. Pop my eyeballs out. I get so mad. C cashier. And do you ever do this? Do you think to yourself, I've been to this pump before and it said C attendance. Oh, yeah. I try to remember that. And you're like, how have you not figured? How has someone not lost their job? I also go to the one that won't. That's the one everywhere I go now. I go to the one that won't latch, so I have to stand there. I had the worst experience at the gas station last night. I had to pull up for the second time because the hose wouldn't reach, and I had to stand there and hold it. I was like, this is ridiculous. If you're just tuning in, we're talking about what we call Cadillac problems. It's those little things in life that happen that make you nuts, but they're really not that big a deal, but they make us crazy. They make us whine. Yeah, they make us whine.

1:50:23Let's see. M1, Mr. Dodgeball from Scripps Ranch. You there? Yeah, I'm here. Go ahead. I hate waking up 30 minutes before my alarm goes off because I have to go to the bathroom. Oh, my God. Oh, no. And you didn't get that 30. And now you know if you pee, you're done. You're awake. You're awake. You're up. You're up. You're awake. Well, you got to make the decision. Yeah. Do I get back in knowing full well that alarm's going off in 25 minutes? Yep. Or do I hold it? Do I just hold it? Which I'm not going to be able to get a good 30 minutes. My sleep is going to be broken by the pee need. Oh, stupid liar. By the pressure. And hopefully I won't dream about swimming. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to pee myself. And drowning. Right. This is great. M1 Rick from Escondido. Yeah, I'm going with what these happened about five minutes ago. Actually, I'm sick. going to the gas station, says, put the credit card in. It says, see, attend it. And I'm just like, are you serious? I've got to freaking walk all the way in there now. Well, this is what I thought you were talking about. I thought what you were talking about was when you go to the ATM and it's out of order. Oh. You lose your mind. You lose your mind. You lose your mind if you have parked and you have gotten out of your car and you've walked up to said ATM.

1:51:47And it says out of order. You ever seen gas stations with no gas? Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, you're a gas station. Well, actually, today, you're just a station. Yeah. You don't have gas for me. Oh, I'd lose my mind. When you think you're in a traffic jam and you're just like, gosh, what is going on? And then you realize you've been in a lane where someone's just stalled out. Yeah. And you're like, how long have I been sitting? And you've been there. Where could I have been? Yeah. Where could I have been now? And you didn't know. Oh, my gosh, that scenario? Because you've been there 10 minutes, and you're like, gosh, what is going on, man? You're two cars behind, and you're just a little shorter than the guy that can see what's happening. That's fantastic. M1 Mira from Escondido. That moment where you wake up in the morning, and you go to the pantry, and you really feel like cereal, and you get everything ready, and then go to the refrigerator, and there's no milk. Yeah, I cry. You've poured it into the bowl. Put some water on it. You've already poured it into the bowl. You cry. It's mad tears. You might see some mad tears. You've gone to the pantry, and you didn't even know what you wanted when you went to the pantry. You were kind of like, man, I'm hungry. And then you see a box of, I don't know, Apple Jacks, whatever, and you go, that's the one. You're the answer to my dreams. You're what I've wanted.

1:53:12All these minutes. I'm going to eat you. I'm going to eat you like you are no tomorrow. And you get a bowl and you pour it in and you hear the clinking of the cereal falling in there. And you know that in just moments, it will be met with the milky delight that is cereal with milk. And you open up the refrigerator and nothing. What's worse, nothing or sour milk? Oh, sour milk's way worse. Sour milk's way worse. You're like wafting it and you're like, is it bad? Because then you know my bit immediately. What? Honey. Honey. What's with the freaking milk? She thought she reads you. It's sour. Why didn't you go to the store? Yeah, that's right. You can't read now? And I like L.O.B. I like your deal where you're like. Is it? Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if this is just milk. Maybe it's me. Yeah. But it says it was the sell by date was yesterday. And you're like, it's ripe. It's ripe. But it's ripe. I smell it. It's a little ripe. And you're like, but then you go. Is it worth it? But maybe it isn't. Maybe I'm just imagining that. Do you ever have somebody else smell it? You're like, babe, smell that. My wife always wants me to taste it. Taste it. Taste it. Then you start tricking yourself. You're like.

1:54:31I don't know. It tastes like milk. I bet Jay would eat milk that was three weeks past the sell-by day. As long as it smelled okay, I would. Yeah, if it smells okay. M1 John's got a great Cadillac problem. John, you there? Yes, sir. Go ahead. My biggest Cadillac problem, and I just hate to admit this, but it's when you go to the restroom, number two, and you spend a good while there reading your magazine, when you're finished up, You're ready to take care of business and get out, and you realize there's just no toilet paper. That is the worst moment of your life. Just pants around your ankles, walking around the house looking for some. Yeah, like a dirty, filthy person. Dirty sex pervert. Yeah, like a sex pervert. You're walking around your place like a sex pervert looking for toilet paper. Pants at your ankles. Yeah, dancing around, walking like you're in stirrups. Thank you, bro. It's worse when you're at somebody else's house. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. It's worse when you're in the house you just broke into.

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2:03:23Well, we've got a lot of activity right now in Encinitas, the 5 southbound Encinitas Boulevard, an accident. It's blocking the number one lane. 67 southbound Bradley Avenue, another accident blocking the number three lane. And as you travel through National City here, we'll take you there, the 5 northbound Milo Cars Way, there is an accident on the right shoulder. Big rig got into it here on the 78 westbound at the 5. It is sitting on the right shoulder. This report brought to you by Del Taco. Get to Del Taco for the Taco Deluxe Seasoned Beef, freshly grated cheddar cheese crisps. Lettuce Sour Cream. I'll get it out there. Fresh Pico de Gallo Salsa. Five layers of fresh flavor for just 89 cents. Only at Del Taco. I'm Stacey Cohen on FM 94.9. Back to the Mikey Show. Welcome. I told Rebecca I loved her for the first time through text message. Woods. Woods. Are you kidding? Woods. It was very heady. I don't like that. I like gritty drama. Lauren. Just give me your opinion and I'll be on my way. And Jay. Keep it together. Why you? On FM 94.9. The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Now, I say that because a lot of people don't even know yet. I still talk to people. You're at FM 94.9? Yes. And an M1 will spread the word about it. You're right. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. You listen to the Mikey Show. When you call in, you turn down your radio. You get to the point you don't cuss, know the rules. That's what they are.

2:05:37You also go to Facebook.com slash Mikey Show and you like our page and become a member of M1 Nation. And the Mikey Show is myself, Woods, L-O-B, Jay, and our phone screener, Nicole. Now, in just a few minutes, I'm going to be getting to some TV shows that Republicans are really into. and some TV shows that Democrats are really into and why we're into the various and different things. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? There's a really cool story yesterday about the Green Bay Packers and what they've done for their fans. They have actually given their fans a chance to be owners, partial owners of the Green Bay Packers. And one of our listeners, M1 Cave Dweller, bought himself. a share of the Green Bay Packers for $250. Really? So he is a partial owner. Now, what they get out of the deal is they're not going to get any dividends back on it. They get basically a plaque and a piece of paper, but they do have a share in the Green Bay Packers. They actually get to go to a... But is it a publicly traded thing where they can sell their stock? Yeah, they sold... Obviously, it's not traded on the stock exchanges, but they sold...

2:06:59pieces of their, it's basically going to help do some remodeling on Lambeau, and so people get a share in the company. They get to go to a special meeting at Lambeau Field at the beginning of next season, and they'll get some discounts on merchandise and stuff like that. But on the wall, it'll say, you know, your name, Mike Esparza, is a partial owner of the Green Bay Packers, which is pretty cool. I thought people that lived in Lambeau already owned, don't they own the stadium? I don't know. I thought that was already a deal. I don't know, but they're doing some remodeling there. So this will help pay for it. And it went yesterday like hotcakes. Really? Oh, yeah, like hotcakes. Limited number kind of deal? Yeah. That's an interesting thing. It's pretty cool. I mean, if the Chargers did it, I think we'd buy one up, throw it on the wall in the office, and be like, yeah, I own a piece. Yeah? Yeah, partial owner. Pretty cool. Let's see. Friday, don't forget, L.O.B. and J. Lauren is... The girl on the show. She's the blonde on the show. She's the blue-eyed on the show. And on Friday, she's going to be the girl in the robe. Out on the corner of Friars and Frizee. Along with Jay, who is our 48-year-old producer. Sex pervert. Yeah. He's got salt and pepper hair. Everywhere. And he'll be down there in a robe as well.

2:08:28And we're going to ask the two of them pop culture trivia. Loser has to drop the robe. What does that mean? Well, sexy or funny. Either way, it's a win-win. Yep. Or if you're an attractive female and you like older dudes, way older dudes, you might find Jay sexy. Why do you have to be an attractive female to find him? Or just a female. Yeah, just a female. I just like the picture. You might have to be older. Attractive. No, you're older. That's right. That's true. That is a true film. Good point. So tell me what you think about this. And is it right? Ask yourself, which way do you lean? Do you lean more left? Do you lean more right? Are you more Democrat, more Republican? Libs, like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report. Duh. Those are a couple of big time libs. They also like 30 Rock and the TV show Parks and Recreation. Check, check. Yep, yep. Never seen, never seen. Libs like The View. Duh. Stab me. Who likes The View? Hit. Libs like The View. Of course they like The View, because The View is all libs. Yeah, no. Except for one. Except for one. Hasselback. Except for one very annoying conservative. Very. Who they purposefully picked to be the annoying conservative. Libs like Glee. I like it. Never seen it. Jay loves Glee. Yeah, Jay's a Gleek. He's a lib.

2:09:59Libs like Modern Family. I love Modern Family. Yes. Yes. My fave. Yeah, it's mine too. It's a very popular TV show. It's a brilliant show and the Libs probably like it because there is a gay couple on it. There you go. Maybe they just like it because it's funny. Yeah, but all these are because of probably the makeup of the cast and what the show's about. L.O.B. You're reading into the study. L.O.B. wants to carve your face off with her claws today. And I don't know why. We're talking about comedy. Well, it's Wednesday. Here's the Republicans. Republicans are into Swamp Loggers and Top Shot. Top Shot? Check. I've seen it. What is that? It's a show that's hosted by Colby, the guy that won Survivor years ago. And it's... A documentary show like Survivor Elimination where it's people that are really good shots with a gun. And they got to shoot stuff. And they whittle them out. Conservatives love The Bachelor. Check. Used to like it until I jumped the shark. Conservatives love Mythbusters. You love Mythbusters. Check. I like that. Love Mythbusters. Conservatives love...

2:11:25Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy, American Pickers, Pawn Stars, and Swamp People. Check, check, check, check, check, check. Yep. I love them all. Conservatives love The Biggest Loser. Never seen it. Probably because conservatives like fat people. Wow. Was that a shot at me? Conservatives actually are fat people. Right. Yes. I am lean more conservative these days, so yes. Uh-oh. There's your game show, Mikey. Also, Dancing with the Stars, Man vs. Wild, check. Yeah, that's a good one. Wheel of Fortune. That's brilliant. And Top Gear, check. Love Top Gear. I don't even know what that is. It's a show about cars. Let's see. Conservative Republicans' least favorite shows. Weeds.

2:12:30Freaking Git. Come on. Git. Git. Git. It's a good show. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the Colbert Report. Git. Git. Well, of course. They don't share your views. Right. South Park. Oh, come on. It's just fun. TMZ. I don't like TMZ either. Family Guy. These are shows that conservatives can't stand. Right. I agree with every one of these. Dexter. Git. Oh, my gosh. Dexter's great. Great show. Let's see. Jersey Shore. Freaking Git. Stupid. Stupid. The Walking Dead. Oh. Little conundrum there, Mike. Conundrum. I like that one. I really like that one. Here's another one that conservative Republicans don't like. Divorce Court.

2:13:29Yeah. It's your favorite show. Yeah. You're wearing the shirt. Bridezilla. Oh, gosh. Nobody needs to like that. And My Fair Wedding with David Tatura. I don't know what it is. Jay? No. But I agree with this. I mean, this is, sure, it's generalizing, but yeah. I mean, I'm a conservative Republican, and I'm down with all those. Here's what. Libs do not like. They do not like these shows. Swamp Loggers, Dog the Bounty Hunter, and Cops. I do like Cops. The Ultimate Fighter. Ultimate Fighter is a reality show where they take a bunch of guys and put them in a house and they compete to be put into the UFC.

2:14:33Pass. Badass. CSI Miami. Liberal Democrats do not like CSI Miami. I don't know. Cops. Liberal Democrats don't like ghost hunters and ghost adventurers or the haunted. I don't get it. Yeah. Liberal Democrats do not like swamp people. I love swamp people. Jay's real liberal. And he's liberal. I love swamp people. He loves it. Well, he's a hillbilly. He's a hillbilly. Yeah, I can relate. Most liberal Democrats do not like the show River Monsters, which I love. Yeah, good show. They don't like Deadliest Catch. Good show. Doesn't seem like they like any reality shows. Yeah, they're out on reality. Because it takes people that don't necessarily have talent. That's great. They're out on reality. TV.

2:15:34Reality TV. Hey, I lean more your way than Lib's way now. No, no, no. Since I moved here. I think you said something there. Well, I mean, they don't like reality TVs. They don't like reality. What they like is the idea. They love the idea. Oh, I'm sorry. I want to be entertained by entertainers and not clowns. The reality. Storm chasers. Deal or no deal. These are all reality shows. Get or no get. Dirty jobs. Like it. You know, all reality shows are documentaries. No, not all of them. Yeah, that's true. But do you get what I'm saying? Dirty Jobs, documentary. Yeah. Deadliest Catch, documentary. Deadliest Catch, documentary. Swamp people, river monsters. Documentary. River monsters. Those are documentaries. I wonder why. I wonder why they wouldn't like documentaries. And why do us conservatives love them?

2:16:32Why? I'm kind of in the middle because I listen to Jon Stewart. I think he's a smart, smart dude. Oh, he is. He is. And funny. And I love smart and funny regardless of parties. You know what I mean? Yeah, and he is. And I have no disagreement with you on that. Colbert, too, is funny as hell. I believe that Colbert and Jon Stewart are very bright dudes. You've got to take some of that stuff with. you know, tongue in cheek. You have to. I just don't agree with their politics. Sure. And I do think they're funny. We were on the Colbert Report last night. That's right. Yeah. 570-1949. Plus some of the documentary things, they were like down south. Yeah. A lot of down south documentaries. And there's definitely a lot of those red states. I find it fascinating. I find any documentary fascinating. I love, you know, I'm from Texas, so I grew up seeing some weird, weird, I have some of that. There's parts of my family that you'd be like, oh, my God, like hills of Tennessee type people that are just like that. So for me, I'm like, I've seen it. I know that dude. Swamp people. I know that dude. People that hunt alligators to me, I can't get enough of it, man. Yeah. I can't get enough of it. So far removed from anything you'd ever imagined. So far that I cannot get enough of it.

2:17:54570-1949. What is, in your opinion, the funniest Seinfeld moment ever? Woods. Saw it last night, actually. Manhance. Manhance. Manhance gets me so good. What is it? Jerry, Elaine sets Jerry up with a date, and Jerry goes to meet her, and she is beautiful. She's a 20. She has giant... Man hands. So they're at dinner, and she has a lobster, and it just pans to the hands, and it's tearing this lobster apart. She goes, well, hey, Jerry, open your beer. And she grabs it and twists the top off with these giant hands. You have something on your face. And it's these meaty paws. And, dude, it makes me laugh so hard every time it's on. It was on last night. That's fantastic. Man hands. L-O-B. Gosh.

2:19:01Your favorite all-time episode of Friends. She probably should have asked me about Seinfeld and Woods about Friends. I know them both. I like the back of my hand. I love them both. Friends is probably the iconic We Were On a Break. It's genius. We Were On a Break is something that even I know, and I don't watch Friends. Because they are fighting, Rachel and Ross are fighting back and forth about the letter that she wrote. Yeah. And he was like, I would have. But it was seven pages. Front and back. Front and back. I also, even though I was never a watcher of Friends, I also know the quartet. Barbershop quartet. Barbershop quartet. It's nice to have a boyfriend. It's the greatest. Even though I've never seen it. And I've heard these from people. And I go, that's... Fantastic. Well, there's one that I saw over Thanksgiving break. I watched it on the plane because it's the Thanksgiving episode. It's a flashback. And Ross and Chandler come back from college. Ross has the fro and the stache. And Chandler has Flock of Seagull's hair. Yeah. And Monica's three bills. It's the funniest. That's my favorite one, bar none. 570-1949. Remind us, what are the greats?

2:20:24What are the greats? Oh, God, there's so many of these. So many. My favorite, absolute favorite office is Booze Cruise. Booze Cruise is genius. Genius. Where everybody's getting on the boat and Michael is assigning them characters from Gilligan's Island. And he gets to Kelly. Who is Indian. It was either Kelly or it was, was it Kelly or Stanley? I think it was Stanley. Stanley. Stanley, who's the black dude in The Office. And so he's going, Gilligan, the professor, blah, blah, blah, Marianne, one of the natives. The greatest episode of The Office. That same episode. Ever. That same episode, that party boat captain. Yes. When he's up and he's got his microphone. And you know Michael's got to be, he's got to be the center of attention. Right. And so when the party boat captain goes, I am your party boat captain. And Michael goes, and I, too, am your party boat captain. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It makes my skin crawl.

2:21:38That first season of The Office was maybe the funniest thing television has ever seen, ever. They had the diversity training, I think, in the first one where he made the people put the things on their heads and Kelly slaps them. Scared straight when they had the convict. The black guy, Martin, from the other branch, he was a convict. Oh, yeah. Prison Mike? Prison Mike. Oh, my God. He dresses up in a bandana, and he goes in. He's like, what's up? I'm Prison Mike. You guys think that this place is better than prison? And he starts yelling and screaming at them, scaring them straight as Prison Mike. That's fantastic, Mike. Prison Mike's amazing. Let's see. People are calling in with him. We got M1 Bird from San Diego. Your favorite and most funny episode of Friends. Okay. Holiday Armadillo. Oh, yes. What was Holiday Armadillo? Ross wanted to rent a Santa costume to Superman. That's right. And then Joe shows up as Superman. I can't even.

2:22:50Tell you how funny it is. They were all out. You guys remember it? Yeah. Yeah, he didn't have one. I'm the holiday armadillo. And I'm here to tell you about. He's teaching about Hanukkah. Hanukkah. Yeah. The Hanukkah armadillo. Every single time I hear these, I go. Why did I not watch this? I don't know. You probably thought it was girly. No, no, no. I just, you know what? There was a period of time I think I was just checked out on TV. And I just was checked out or for whatever reason. But I hear these. I'm like, that's hysterical. That's hysterical. M1 Taylor from North Park. Are you there? Hi. Yeah, I'm here. You're calling with your favorite episode of what? The Office. I never call in, but I just had to because The Office is one of my favorite shows ever. And the Booze Cruise one was good, but the Ben Franklin one episode. Oh, my gosh. Yes. It's Phyllis' bachelorette party in the office. Michael wants to hire a stripper, so he gives Jim the job to hire a stripper. He's like, absolutely not. And he hired Ben Franklin instead. Scholastic.

2:23:59Scholastic performers of America or something. He shows up as Ben Franklin. And the whole episode, Dwight's trying to figure out if it's the real Ben Franklin or not. It's genius. He's asking him facts about him. And he's quizzing him. He's all like, what did you invent? And he was like, the bifocal or something. It's so funny. It's genius. He's trying to catch him. That's awesome. Thank you for the call. Do you guys remember when Jim slapped Dwight? Yes. Do you remember that episode? Oh, yeah. Woods? I'm trying to think. After you, sir. Thank you. I'm not going to let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear. Okay, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I'll attack you from the front. Yeah, but it'll be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it. Oh, my gosh. Like right before a sales meeting. That's fantastic. Gina just walks away. Another great friends is when Ross decides to spray tan. And whiten his teeth? The spray tan is different. And if he gets hit, he's supposed to turn? Yeah. He doesn't turn in time. So he gets hit four times. He's black. He's pitch black. That's so funny. That's fantastic. 570-1949. Rod Begojevich. Wait till you hear what Rod Begojevich is now saying. If you need a refresher, he was the guy that was selling...

2:25:32allegedly selling Senate seats in Illinois. In fact, he was selling, allegedly, the Senate seat that was going to be vacated by Barack Obama. Yep. Wait till you hear what King Clown is saying now. Let your voice be heard on the Mikey Show now. Why don't you tell him the whole story? Time to wake up, sir. 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Shut up. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. This is the FM 9.

2:26:20supported by our good friends at Sports Chalet. Hey, it's Hillary with some shows for you to go check out. Like Brunch with Bob presents Lee Scratch Perry, the legendary. That's a fourth and beat this Friday night. Saturday night, you can see the Adolescence and Youth Brigade at Brick by Brick. The Boxer Rebellion are at the Cow's Paw on the 12th. On the 13th, Dinosaur Jr. with an interview during the show by Henry Rollins. That's at the Belly Up. And Pinback plays there on the 19th. For New Year's Eve, English Beat will play at the Belly Up. If you head to the... Lafayette Hotel. It's going to be a huge party and transfer and the silent comedy and low volts and creepy creeps. A bunch of bands are playing that and you can get rooms at the Lafayette too. And for 2012, Two nights of no effects at House of Blues. We'll see Wilco, Not a Surf, Dr. Dog, Young the Giant, Craig Finn of The Hold Steady, and Rob Rob Riot. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at FM949SD.com. It's the holidays, 1939. Life is slower. Times are simpler. Stores don't put up their Christmas displays in September. People have conversations instead of cell phones.

2:27:30You only have to juggle if you're in the circus. It's the holidays, 1939. And a new family business named Dietz & Watson is about to spend 72 years preparing your holiday party. The one you're planning right now in 2011, they've been perfecting over four generations. Dietz & Watson's premium meats and artisan cheeses, like London broiler roast beef, are full of juicy, natural flavor. Their party trays and holiday hams make holiday hosting easy. The recipes are from a simpler time. That's why they're simply delicious. Dietz and Watson, since 1939. Insist on us for your premium party trades and holiday hams. And happy hosting days to you and yours. M1, Brock is on the line. Are you there, Brock? I'm here, Mikey. How's it going, man? Good, dude. You switched to AIS? I did. I switched. A few years ago when I listened to the other station, and I saved over $1,000. And just in the past few months, I called them back, and they saved me another almost $500. That's a great point. And the reason that's a great point is because I am constantly beating the drum to listeners and saying, I know you've heard me say this, and you haven't done it yet, and yet...

2:28:49I haven't called AIS back to see if they could save me even more money, which they probably can. And people can do that. You know, you can call them again and say, hey, can you do better for me now? And you have done that and have saved even more money by calling AIS back. But you are a very good example, Brock, of people that can save money by switching. Yeah, it just helps out a bunch. Perfect. Give them a call right now. 1-800-777-4-A-I-S. 1-800-777-4247. Thank you, Brock. I appreciate it, bro. Cricket presents obvious life choices. We're making a good choice. It's also an easy choice. Take holiday carolers. You can go with, is that the best you got? Or that rocks a lot. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited lameness or...

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2:33:37for all the details. 15 northbound after Poway Road, an accident. Two cars, they're in the center divider. On the 67 southbound Bradley Avenue, there's an accident. It's blocking the number two lane. Tow trucks are on the way there, though. They should be picking them up rather quickly. Five southbound, very slow from Carlsbad Village Drive to Manchester. And you've got a backup here in La Mesa, too, on the 8 westbound from Jackson Drive to 70th Lake Murray Boulevard. This report brought to you by Jiffy Lube. Hurry in before the year end. You could save $25 on any oil change. Tire rotation, wiper blades, plus save up to $20 on your second oil change with a mail-in offer. You just have to upgrade to Pennzoil Synthetic Motor Oil. Jiffy Lube, keep my ride alive. Participating Jiffy Lube stores only. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you. Oh, my God. Back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. He sees the word wonderful. Again. I'm 40. It's okay. Woods. Your boy gets in the shower and I have very little hair and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like... And Jay. Please grow up on FM 94.9. Rod Begojevich. Rod Begojevich is now saying he's guilty. He says, yeah, I did it.

2:35:23And he's asking for mercy. My guess is his attorneys took a look at all the evidence that was going to be coming against him. And they said to themselves, well, dude, you're looking pretty guilty here. It's your best bet. Your best bet. I mean, when they got you on the phone, I mean, they got him on the phone. Yeah. It's pretty tough. And so he's already been guilty of public corruption. I mean, it's just a lesser charge. But what could happen to him could get pretty bad. He could do some time in prison. And, I mean, dude, it's as bad as it gets what he did trying to sell a Senate seat. I think we're, as a people, more apt to forgive somebody if they admit it up front. You know, I really think that. Absolutely. I think that.

2:36:23The more that we find out about them trying to hide and cover it up and et cetera, et cetera, the less likely we are to forget. And that was his deal is how, like, staunch he was about how innocent he was. I mean, he said, you know, I didn't do any of this stuff and I'm going to fight this deal. And, you know, that's the hard part. Like, well, yeah, everybody has mercy. Now, is what he did worse than, you know, what freaking Jerry Sandusky did? Hell no. But that, you know, I can have mercy for Blagojevich. I really can't for Jerry Sandusky. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Blagojevich, what he did, I think, is still disgusting, though. Well, for me, it reeks of just corrupt. Well, yeah, but that kind of... See, for me, I hold politicians to a different standard. Sure. Because they're elected in. Yeah, they're elected. Not only are they elected, but, like, see... I believe that our presidents, we're not supposed to be thinking about them getting a Beej in the Oval Office. I agree. They're not supposed to because they're supposed to be the role models. The higher standard. When you say role model, I can understand if Charles Barkley says I'm not a role model. All right, fine. But President Bush, he can't say that.

2:37:55He is a role model. Yes. He's a president. Yeah. I mean, no? I mean, I don't know. I would take the guy getting the beach again if our economy was as it was then, if it was as robust as it was then. And that's the kind of sacrifice that I would make as an American and say, you know what? I was pissed about it then. I really was. I was in college, and I was very idealistic in college. Very idealistic. Well, then I realized. I got bills that I got to pay and a life that I have to lead. I would be bummed about it. But boy, that was a robust economy back then, wasn't it? Yeah. I mean, it was high times for everybody. I think it's always been going on with presidents. They never really publicized it. But I don't know. Do you think that Barack Obama is screwing around? I don't. I'm not saying every president does it. Not every president, but I bet a bunch of presidents have. Do you think George Bush was screwing around? I think Lincoln. That guy was crazy. Well, you knew him. You tell us. Okay, he was his name. We used to party.

2:38:56I don't know. I mean, I don't think of them all as screwing around. I don't think Obama's screwing around. Me neither. I don't. But I also don't want Barack smoking. Yeah, he smokes, he pokes. What? You don't want him smoking? I don't want him smoking cigarettes. Why? Because I don't want kids to see it and go, the president does it. He's not doing it in public. That's the phrase. Hey, it's not like the president's doing it. Well, the president's doing it. Yeah, but he's not doing, you know. I mean, listen, George Bush in his younger days had very similar, you know, habits that you and I had in our younger days. And he was the president. Now, I think the guy still enjoyed a cocktail from time to time, no? He says he did, yeah. I think it's just as much as saying you don't want your president to eat Big Macs. It's the same thing. I don't. I don't want my president to be obese. Well, yeah. I don't want my president to be obese. But it's lifestyle choices. Smoking seems so... I don't see the correlation. It's a choice. Yeah. And it's bad for you. Well, the president does it, mommy. What? The president does it, mommy. Yeah, but we don't see it. Well, yeah, we never see it. We don't see it. We just know it. No, we do see it. Well, the president only has a 40% approval rating, son. So maybe we don't always do what the president does. Right. Yeah. And we do see it because there was...

2:40:11A lot of pictures of him smoking cigarettes. And, you know, it made news. And there's a guy right now that has his Facebook profile picture. It's a picture of Barack Obama. Blasting a cig. Blasting a cig. Now, Barack has said he quit. He has said that he's quit smoking. Good. Now, the reason that he says that is because he knows that people don't really. You think he still sneaks one? Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't bother me. I don't care. Yeah. Get my economy where it needs to be. Yeah. And see, to me, I'm big on the culture. I'm big on the culture. He's a good man and a good face, I think. Just because he smokes cigarettes, that would mean you think I'm a bad guy. You're not the president. You're not supposed to be a role model. You're not supposed to be a role model. I know. And you're not. I'm not. Right. You know what I mean? I will say this. I want to be. Yeah, I do too. I would like to be a role model. Now, what does that mean? It means I got, if that's the deal and I'm a role model, it means I got to get into shape, I guess. Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, I coach Little League and I try not to dip snuff. You try not to or you don't? I don't. Oh, wow. During games. During games at least. But.

2:41:32That's why I munch seeds. Listen, if I'm hitting balls and they're 50 yards away, I might have a tiny little pinch in. It won't hurt anybody. You're on a school campus. You're not supposed to have any tobacco whatsoever. Hey, tobacco police. You don't worry about it. I'm just telling you, if you're coaching my kid, I don't want that. You won't see it. Nah, I bet I won't. Can't see it. It's all in your teeth. So yeah, I shouldn't do that. But I know that. Yeah. So I won't. Eh. It's different than doing it in the privacy of your own home. It is. Let's see. M1RudeDude is calling in from Carlsbad. What's up? Yeah, I don't know. My thoughts were that I don't know that a lot of kids nowadays, you know, either they're too young to really know what the president's habits are and use them as a role model, or, you know, they get a little older. We've got the media, you know, giving our teenagers so many much more screwed up and much more readily available role models to follow. You know, it's not like the 50s where, you know, John F. Kennedy was kind of the, you know, he's the main eye of the public. And everybody kind of watched what he did. And now it's Pauly D. Well, yeah, exactly. The situation. They're pooping their hair and doing whatever they do. Yep. So, I mean, I don't know. I don't know, you know, kids, you know, under the age of, you know, maybe 15 would even really be aware that whether he smokes or not. I'd never even seen a picture of that.

2:42:58I have. I've never seen one. I've seen various. I haven't just seen one. I've seen a few. In fact, the most famous one is a black and white one from behind him. He's sitting at a big conference table, and you see the smoke billowing up from his hand that's hovering over the ashtray. It worked for Herman Cain, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. After all, it did work out good for him. 5701949 is the number. Listen to this. Public sex is as American as apple pie, a survey says. Listen to this. Even if you have yet to do it in a public place, you've probably thought about it. Well, how is it possible that you haven't thought? How's it possible you haven't done it? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Well, that's very possible. I'm too scared. Really? I'd be way too scared. Never once? Well, what are we talking? Public place. Not in your home or in somebody's home or in a hotel. Wait, wait, wait. The beach, the woods. Wait a minute. A train, a public bathroom. A tree house, a restaurant. Oh, my gosh. A bar. Airplane. Airplane. The chair of your boss. Your boss's chair in the studio. Your boss's office. Oh, gosh.

2:44:20Oh, that's the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Your boss's tiny office that's right behind your studio. Oh, wow. You never. As far as you know. Oh, gross. What are you asking? I'm the last one in here every day, and I'll leave it at that. Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Well, here's the thing. I want to know what we're talking about here. Okay. Are we talking about necessity? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Oh, yeah. No, no, no. Both. Are we talking about necessity or are we talking about thrill? Both. Sometimes you're just in that place and like sometimes you're on a road trip and you have to pull over behind some skeevy little rundown like drive-thru or something and you're like, hey, this will do. Maybe just under an overpass. Were you just a homeless guy at one point and you just had the overpass going and you were like, hey. Long road trip. I'm here. You're here. In the overpass and a storm.

2:45:19Sometimes you're at a concert and you're like, let's go to the bathroom. Sometimes you're at a bar, a restaurant, you know, just poking in the bathroom there. Sometimes you leave a place, you make it to the parking garage and not quite to your house. That's right. Oh, wow. Sometimes you're on a hike, mood strikes you. Sometimes you're driving down the freeway. Yeah. That's dangerous. It is dangerous. But fun. But I don't recommend it. Now, see, I thought we were talking about teenage when I was a teenager. When I was a teenager or when I was first getting out of high school and stuff, it may have been necessity because I lived at home. Right. You have to do the car bit. Yeah. Car bit's weak. Yeah. It's never comfortable. It's never good. No. Like you have a Gran Torino. But you guys are... Or an El Camino. Yeah. Mm-hmm.

2:46:11My first boyfriend drove an El Camino. Sex pervert. And I'll leave it at that. Sex pervert. There you go. Sex pervert. Sex pervert. Yes. My parents had a big van with a bed in the back of it. Oh. Apple doesn't fall far. Wow. It's our camping van. Oh. Shagging wagon. Shagging wagon. Never in your parents' bed. That makes you Ted Bundy. Beyond. No. You're a person that would eat Ted Bundy. Hi, Ted Bundy. Nice to meet you. How are you? Yeah. Jeffrey Dahmer and Ted Bundy's kid thinks you're filthy. Oh, yeah. You did? Of course. You? Of course. Your parents, Ben. They're probably listening. Great. Dude, why? Why not? That's disgusting. No, why? Why not? That's like having sex with your parents. No, no, no. No, it is not. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. You smell their sheets. You're like, oh, that's my mom's perfume. Yes. It's not. Yeah. Why? I had a party and all the other beds were taken. Oedipus. You do it on the ground. Oedipus. You do it on the ground. Do it on the ground. I would do it on a bed of nails. Yep, me too. Before my parents' bed. It's filthy. We've all done it. No, we have not. In the room. Listen. Curves. There is no doubt in my mind that you got two.

2:47:32types of homo sapiens. The parent's bed guy and the not parent's bed guy. That is where the babysitter took advantage of me. This is my parent's bed. I didn't mind. Hope the statute of limitations is passed. Me too. While Jay is talking about his molestation on the air, I just hope that the statute of... I agreed. I was all in. Well, she was killed by a musket. So I believe we're safe. Safe harbor. Safe harbor, for sure. Safe harbor, exactly. He was actually in a harbor. Yeah. Yeah, they were in the bottom of the Santa Maria. Jay. Yes. It was in your parents' bed? Yes. You're sick! Hey, I was just as surprised as you are. But why there? Why there? And just so we're clear, the reason that I say why is because unless you have Woods' excuse, there's an option. That's not really an excuse. Well, there's an option. The option is...

2:48:48Like every other room in the home. Remember when you were a kid and your bed was a twin bed and your parents had a king? Hello. There was only bed downstairs and there were other kids being watched in the other part of the house. Why couldn't I have had a babysitter like that? Gosh darn. Was she good looking? Red in the head. Crazy in bed. Red in the head? Red in the head. She's redhead. Crazy in bed. There are a lot of uncomfortable redheads right now. Well, what was your basis for comparison? What were you, seven? How old were you? I'm trying to remember. I was probably like 13. I was older. And she was older? Yeah. You had a babysitter at 13? Well, there was other kids there. So she was technically, because I was known to set fires and do crazy things as well. Ella B. and I have a lot in common. So you... You were 13. She was how old? You know, she was like 18. Oh, wow. SLB. You lucky SLB. I love you. Wow. Dirt. Mugger. Yeah, the public place thing. I'm all the way in. Yeah. It's cool. I would think that most of the time it's a necessity. No, sometimes it's voyeuristic. Thrill seeking. You don't let people watch. No. Really, you don't care if they do. They might.

2:50:18Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. If it happens, it... Jay is standing, ovating. Standing. For L.O.B. Standing, ovating. I can barely stand. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. L.O.B. What? What you're telling me. It's incidental. Is that... Honest count. Honest count. It wouldn't be the worst thing I ever saw. Put on the honest count. Put on the honest count. All right. Did you want them to... Maybe C. No. Liar. Liar. Why do you lie? Liar. Why do you lie? Liar. Sex pervert. Why do you lie? Liar. She's a sex pervert. No. Now, that one I never thought about. That one I never considered. That is a level of... The exhibitionist? Yes. That's a level of rocks. Like it...

2:51:29It takes... It takes brass balls. It takes rocks. I would imagine it would be thrilling if I were... You would imagine. I would imagine. Well, let me tell you something. Your boyfriend, Matt Converse, better be the guy because if it isn't, he's listening right now going, really? Is that a fact? Is that a fact? Something on your mind? Something on your mind? Yeah, I mean, he wasn't my first at bat, but yeah. Matt. Oh, Matt. Oh, dear. College, that was a big player in college, LLB, the voyeuristic exhibitionist bit. At least for me. I wasn't a big hooah in college. I was. It was much after? After, before, no.

2:52:15You did the voyeuristic? Yeah, we've had a couple dudes in the same room with their girls that bit. It's been very creepy. Wow. I've had some creepy scenes. Oh, yeah. You've done that? Yeah, I've had some creepy scenes. In college? That's like a middle school thing. Middle school? Yeah, hooking up in the same room. Orgies are in middle school? Yeah, yeah, you bring the grapes real good. Yeah, college, like you'd go out of town and you'd have a room. And everybody would stay in the same room? I feel like everyone had that time. I'm very uncomfortable. That is a meth lab to me. That's a meth den. There's a little bit of a meth feel to it. But at the time, it feels right. Everyone has that shot out of a cannon period. Whether it be when you're in high school or college or now. Where, you know, you're like, hey, look.

2:53:15There's four or five people napping. Yep. All aboard. That's... Oh, man. That is creepy. I just went down a road that I haven't been down in a long time. You're like, oh, this neighborhood, huh? Look who's... It hasn't changed much. The list looks just like I remember it. Oh, wow. Oh, I remember that park. Let's just say I could never run for office. Yeah, ditto. No one can ever... run for office. No one. Okay? People that haven't been born yet can't run for office. I could never become famous because there'd be pictures that would probably surface. Oh, let's hope. You know what? What L.O.B. just said, I'm 58% sure is not a joke. Yes. It's a true statement. Not a joke. In fact, I'm terrified. If you're listening, send them in. Oh, wow. She said, in fact, I'm terrified. Because the stories, you can always refute stories, but there's certain pictures out there where you're just like, yeah. Yeah, okay. You know what? It was my junior year. Junior year is wild, pal. Polaroids a whole bit. Polaroids. You're a stranger.

2:54:42You're a strange stranger. It's true. You're a foreigner in a different land. No, just a dude. No. Like to close bills. No, no, Woods. No. Oh, yeah. Make no mistake about it. You're not just a dude. Yeah. No, Woods. Yeah, just a guy. No, no, no. Yes. I'm not the only guy that's ever taken Polaroids of himself with a girl. Oh, man. Hang on, Woods. That was the only reason to. Hang on. Yeah. Yeah. Hang on. Wanted it for Christmas. There are a few dudes that are listening right now that do not share. Yeah, because they couldn't do it. They didn't have the skills to pull it off. I did. Mike, you had lice, okay? Yeah, you had lice when you were a kid. I remember having to go back to my parents' house after I was well out of the house, and there was a secret hiding spot where I had... kept a bunch of pictures, and I went and cut them up. Oh, yeah. Because at that point, it was child pornography. My buddies found mine and put one of them on his mantle.

2:55:46You and another or you and just you? Me and a girl. Well, I didn't take pictures by myself. No. That's disgusting. I have a legitimate question. Oh, great. What? Was it an orgy of men? No, it was not an orgy of men. It was me and my girlfriend. Was it that time you pulled on your pants to show everyone your crabs? Yeah. I never had crabs. Remember when you showed your crabs to your friend? Oh, my God. You said earlier. I never said I had crabs. Well, you said your friend in quotes. Right. I didn't finger quote it. And you kept using finger quotes. No, I didn't. You called your friend. Give yourself a crab seeker. Yep. That doesn't make any sense. A crab hunter. I just have the crab. Crabber. Jay actually said he's had crabs. I've never had the crabs. He told me that at a break. I know about crabs. He's a crabber. Wouldn't you like to be a crabber too? Oh, gross. Imagine if we all, right at this exact moment, like I go, I say like a magic, give me a magic word. Pumpkin. The magic word's pumpkin. And I say pumpkin. And every single one of us is wearing a T-shirt that says the filthiest things that we've ever done. What would your T-shirt look like? Mine would be X-rated. Yeah. Oh, well, I mean, I think they all. I mean, the dirtiest thing you've ever done. Mine would be wet.

2:57:44More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. If you like Jimmy, and if you like Willie, you're going to love Lucas Nelson and Promise of the Real, appearing live on behalf of Jobs for Autism, Saturday, December 10th, 8.30 p.m. at the North Park Theater, 2891 University Avenue. See this next legend of rock and roll? You'll be blown away. Tickets available online at JobsForAutism.com Be there. Target's dedicating Thursday through Saturday's almost last minute sale to everyone who's ever wrapped a present between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m. on Christmas Day. This sale's for everyone who's ever purchased reindeer socks out of sheer panic, left Santa and IOU attached to a Triscuit, or skipped out on caroling to hunt down the latest incarnation of Elmo. This sale's going to have so much good gifting to give that you'll want a gift as early as possible this year. Target's almost last minute sale Thursday through Saturday. Get your gift on. See our three-day ad in tomorrow's paper or visit target.com slash weekly ad for details. Target.

2:58:47Expect more. Pay less. Hey, this is LOB, and it's December, and that means what, Woodsy? It's time to get your holiday shopping done now. You've got to give the gift of great hair like ours. Oh, yeah. I've got... if I do say so, fabulous hair. Yeah, I've been using the Men's Max Pack, and I started using Ovation because I saw how amazing my wife Jamie's hair looked. It looked incredible. Well, not to mention my hair, which I come in here every morning just flaunting it about. Yes. Smells delicious. Smells amazing. And L.O.B., it's longer than it's ever been. It is actually longer than it's ever been. Right now is the best time for you to try Ovation because not only is it a really good price that they have going on for their holiday gift set, But if you enter FM 949 at checkout, you're going to get a special introductory discount. We got a message that they are almost out of this holiday gift pack. They're almost sold out. You need to get in there now. So go to OvationHair.com and enter FM 949 at checkout. You're going to get that special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM 949 at checkout for your special introductory discount.

2:59:59Brochures, flyers, documents copied, documents found. I take a passport photo, fax a message, check my mail, notarize it, laminate it, find it, mail it, dun, dun, dun. Why drive all over town this holiday season or get locked into one choice for shipping? Wrap it up with one stop at your neighborhood postal annex. Save gas, save time, save money. Nail the cards, pack the presents, ship the gifts. I'm all done. Postal Annex. The sound of business. Compare FedEx, UPS, and postal rates for your best option. Here's a holiday conundrum for you. Spend your vacation day off with the family or spend it poking around at your Honda dealership. Normally, I'd say family. But there are some pretty awesome deals to be had right now during happy Honda days.

3:01:01Deals like 0.9% APR financing for well-qualified buyers. Deals that won't monopolize the remote control or delete that game that I just recorded. Look, I'm not saying great deals on great cars are better than time with your family, but the CR-V is the best-selling crossover in America. The Odyssey Touring and Pilot, well, they can roll with eight people. So bring the whole gang down to your Honda dealer today and make some cherished holiday family car buying memories. Okay, maybe that's a stretch, but hey, you can get a really good deal. See your Honda dealers of San Diego County today. Best-selling claim based on Polk U.S. retail registrations, IHS Global Insight Entry, CUB segment, January 2008 to August 2011. See dealer for financing details. This report brought to you by Wawenisa Insurance. With Wawenisa's recent change in car rates, many San Diego good drivers could save even more by switching. Call 877-WA-WA-NESA or go to WawenisaUS.com. The 94 westbound Kelton Road in accident. Three cars there in the center divider. Problem here in Escondido on the 15 northbound at the 78. We've got an accident. It's at that westbound connector. Traveling through the 67 southbound Bradley Avenue, there's an accident here. It's got the number three lane block. They do have tow trucks, though, on the scene. This report also brought to you by Constant Contact. Looking to increase sales during the holiday season? Use email marketing from Constant Contact to boost your small business. Get started at ConstantContact.com.

3:02:33I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Why didn't you say that on the air? I said, because I didn't want for that. Didn't you? No. I asked for a Polaroid for Christmas. You're a sex pervert. Yeah, can I tell you about it? A Polaroid camera? Polaroid camera. Polaroid camera. I'll tell you why. Because I saw it on a website for new gadgets. It's a Polaroid camera.

3:03:39That takes 14 megapixel photographs. But they stopped making Polaroid. No, Polaroid is apparently still a company. They had, but now they've re-released this new thing he's talking about. So it's got an LCD screen. It looks like a Polaroid camera. The old-fashioned Polaroid camera. It's got an LCD screen. Takes 14 megapixel photographs. And they come out. And they look like a Polaroid picture. The only thing I don't like about it. Is that when it comes out, it's already a picture. And so what you have to do is if you want it to look like the old Polaroid, you select that in the menu. That's all right. And it'll leave part of the paper white to make it have that look. I love that. That's cool. I don't like that. What I want is.

3:04:37I want a 14 megapixel photograph on that old type of... The thick. The thick film. Yes. The thick Polaroid picture. I like that. You're a strange dude. Do you still have to shake it so that it develops? No. And that's the other deal. Come on, Polaroid. That's what I want. What in the world? But I want the 14 megapixel. Why? Could take creepy sex pictures. I mean, even at 8 megapixels, it is beyond the need. That's Jay's bit. Yeah. No, bro. Dude, I got an eight megapixel picture right now that looks really good. And then I got a five megapixel photograph that looks like a turd. If you're doing a billboard, then yes. But anything else, it's just storage and everything else is a pain. Now, Jay knows this fact, but I'm telling you, it's a true story. You can tell the difference, dude. Oh, absolutely. You could tell the difference. Looking at it just with the naked eye, you can go. Oh, that's kind of blurry. Not blurry, but it's not very well defined. It's not sharp. It's not sharp. It should be plenty sharp. But when the megapixels are real high, it's way sharper. At some point, that has to do with lens and everything else as well. My SLR is perfect. It's eight megapixels, and I turned it down, and most people can't tell the difference in between the two. I bet you I could. Bet you I could. Now, SLR.

3:06:03For those of you that don't know, that's a 35 millimeter camera, you know, like a big camera, big bulky camera. Yeah, that's not good for sex pictures. No. It's too bulky. Well, it's digital. It's got a timer. If you're going to do sex pictures, you need a Polaroid. It's actually better than I want my Polaroid for that. That's exactly what you want it for. You want to instantly give them to people. Yeah. Give them to us here. The new cameras will actually. Check out Rebecca. It takes a picture every like three seconds so you can get all kinds of moves going. All kinds of moves. What does it mean? So you just sit in the corner, and then you go to business. And then the camera just automatically. You quote, go to business. What is go to business? You set it up in the corner, and then you quote, go to business. Yeah, you get your business on. And business is good. You get your business on? Yep. And business. I'm dressed for business. Stop using business. And business is good. Please. And business. Business is good. And I do business, and maybe she does some business.

3:07:09Jay needs to see a physician about his sexual addiction. Yeah. They do rehabs now for sex perverts. Yeah, you and Anthony Weiner. He doesn't even have a sex addiction. He just has a sex problem. And it's like that he, it consumes too much of his thoughts. It's like Tiger Woods. Yeah. He needs to tamp it down a little. You need to reconnect with your Buddhist belief. Business camp. I'm going to go to business camp. You need to go to business camp. Business seminar. The doctor. The shrink would be like, I can't do a thing for you. There's nothing I can do for you. I'd actually turn him into a business champion. You'd make love with him? No, I'd just teach him. I would change him around. He'd be ready for business when he got home. Yeah, I'd flip him. Yeah, I'd flip him. I'd make love with him. I'd flip him. I'd take pictures. He'd be like delivering. He'd be like delivering. I'm making a squeal. Before I left the office, I would have my shrink. And he'd be like a bowling ball. Yeah. And I'd have my fingers up his nose. Oh, wow. I'd have belts around his neck. Wow. Just spanking my doctor. Yep. That's another name for it, by the way. Spanking my doctor. You're like that guy from NXS. You know what I mean. Michael Hutchins.

3:08:34Sometimes Ella B can hear. That was Jay. You can't just say it in Jay's voice and get away with sexual. That ain't even in the end. Woodsy. Yes, sir. What's happening in the sports world? You know, my dad, all the way from Texas, just sent me a text message that said that the San Diego Padres have just traded for Houston Street, who is a closer. Now, listen, he's not. even close to Heath Bell and his caliber. Houston Street's a good pitcher, though, and I'm going to have to double-check that rumor, but my pops just sent that to me, and he's pretty much in the know. Guy looks at a lot of sports websites. Also, this is a developing story right now that Albert Pujols has been offered a 10-year, $220 million deal by the St. Louis Cardinals, for which he has played for 11 years. I can't imagine he's won two titles there. I can't imagine he would not take that move. $210 million. $20 million. For 10 years. $22 a year. Better teach your kids to play baseball, people. Yeah, but come on now. When you think about it after taxes, it's only $11 million. Right, exactly. Just be prepared to sit through all those games. Oh, gosh. Kill me. Hey, I will say that about professional baseball. The season is a long season. It's a grind.

3:09:59It's a grind. If I was commissioner, I would have it at about 140 games. I'd knock 22 games off. That's still too many. 140. How many months would that be? Because I think baseball should be three solid months of it. Four. That's not enough. Four solid months of baseball. No way. You need about six months. That's a half a year. I know. It's the beauty of it. It's the beauty of that game. Isn't that what it is now? April, May, June, July, August. September, October. That's what it is now. It goes into November now. So it is six, right? Seven. Oh, my gosh. They play each team three times. Is that it? Something like that. Oh, wow. Three or four. That's pretty gnarly. On Friday morning at 730, L.O.B. and J are going to be standing on the street corner in a robe. And we're going to give them pop culture trivia. And the loser has to take the robe off. And they'll be wearing a bikini underneath. One of them will have to show themselves in a bikini. For one minute. Two minutes. One. Now, my wife said to me yesterday, she goes, you're not going to rig it, are you? And I go, no. I'm not going to rig it. Mike doesn't rig stuff. No. She should know you better than that. Well, she said it because she thought, are the guys just wanting to see L.O.B. in a bikini? Yes. And I said, no. And she goes, that's a good idea.

3:11:26She thought it was a great idea. What, seeing L.O.B. in a bikini? The whole bit. Might not be the best idea, you think. The greatest idea. Either way, it's a win. If it's L.O.B., it's sexy. If it's Jay, it's hysterical. My wife said it was sexy. She did not. She did too, I swear to you. What happened? She said that... Either way, it was sexy. Oh, your wife, yeah. Sounds good. Trying to make you feel better. Is it? I don't know. She finds me attractive. Yeah, but in a bikini? Yeah, you know. Oh, we do it at home. Yeah, all the time. We do it all the time. Cross-dress. Yeah, we call it bikini night. I cross-dress, she cross-dress. She dresses like a man, which I love. She'll be Gilligan, I'll be Marianne. Sometimes I'll make her wear a mustache and leave it on. Yeah. I kind of think it's sexy, and she likes me in a skirt.

3:12:29Yeah. Now, last time I had to go to Lane Bryant to get the skirt, which I really kind of, that's when I cut back. That's when I started cutting back. You see me eating yogurt in here. That's why. Yeah, because I ain't going. I told Kim. Well, I stay fit for my woman. I said to Kim, I go, listen. I said, babe, I ain't going to Lane Bryant no more for our nights. And if I do, I better get a mustache ride. Oh. That means, Kim, you're putting on that fake mustache. And you're putting it on the neck. Oh, my God. That's right. Who wants a mustache? Hey, hey. Hey, Jay. Hey. Hey, Jay. Yes, sir? If L-O-B. Oh, my God. I just had a stroke. Decides to put rocket fuel in the car. You don't have to come and pour gasoline on top of the rocket fuel. I just had a stroke. Rocks in your face. How you doing, baby? What, you gonna smack me back? Wow. Hey, Mike, how come you told JR and them to put a thing so you can shut my room off? Well, Jay, I just, you know, it was just, I want to have control over every mic. You don't need control over my mic. What do you need control over it? Sometimes you are crazy. No, that is not true. Oh, my God.

3:14:12I ain't never been crazy. Never been crazy. You're just a little conservative. Michael Bubble was on last night. Perfect. You don't like the music, do you, would you? Baby, it's cold outside. Come on. Blue Christmas, Woods. You like that. Elvis, right? Come on, don't you? Yeah, when Elvis does it. Come on, give it a chance. All right, I'll give it a shot. Let's see. Burlesque show. Yeah. Now granted, he came out there completely nude. He has a blue boa around his waist. Blue boa. Spinning. I don't like it either. I don't like it either. Oh, that song. My parents, they did some filthy things for that song. How do you know?

3:15:16Well, they dirty danced in front of us. Dirty dancing in front? No. A little bit too much eggnog. We did that thing where we would plug the cam corner right into the TV so you could see what was recording right away. You'd see it on the TV, which we thought was like, we're on TV! Right. Yeah, so me and my sister, we're, like, plugging in. We're making faces. And in the background, my parents are, like, grinding to blue Christmas. And my dad's, like, mouthing the words. It's the filthiest thing. It's the filthiest thing. If I saw that. My dad got my mom a red leather jacket that year. Whoa. So she has a red leather jacket on. You know, and you know what happened later. Yeah, that's all. You know what happened later. He laid in bed with his hands behind his head like this. Okay. And her mother. No way. Her mother came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but that red leather jacket. And he was like, oh, yeah.

3:16:25I can't. Oh, man. Woods. Oh, my God. It's so gross. My dad was using his fist as a microphone singing. I want all parents to stop making love. In front of your kids. No, just period. In front of your kids. Just period. Just stop it. At the time, it was funny. We're like, oh, look at them. Now you know what happened. Every time I hear that song, I'm like, blech. It's so sexy. Why is that Christmas song so sexy? It's so sexy. Everybody remembers their parents having a couple cocktails and the kiss lasted just a little too long. Yep. It lasted just a little... So gross. So gross. The kiss is just a little too... Where you go, hey.

3:17:26God. Oh, God. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. How many times do you think? And why is that? How come we get crossed out by it? Because it's your parents. I know. I know. I know. But, yeah, I just figured out why. I just figured out why. How many times has Jay's kids said that to him? Oh, they see it all the time. Yeah. Say it all the time. Or they hear about it. Guaranteed. It's not that big a house. Oh, my God. Liberty is changing the channel right now. My daughter. That's probably a good move. Oh, wow. I'd run away. My parents were always the... I'd rather live with wolves. They were the grossest after my dad came back from a business trip. Oh, gosh. My mom would be like, my boyfriend's back.

3:18:18Would she say that? Oh, yeah. She used to sing the song from the 60s. My boyfriend's back and you're gonna be in trouble. She would be like making meatloaf and singing that song and she'd be all dolled up. It's the I'm gonna get laid tonight song. And it's your parents. And it's the I'm gonna get laid tonight song. And it's your parents. We'd be like, ew. I just figured it out. The reason that it grosses us out is because that lady took care of us. Yes, that's your mom. She brings you OJ when you're sick and chicken noodle soup. Yeah, she doesn't do that. You don't picture her in the red leather jacket and nothing else. Oh, yeah, girl. No, when I had the flu, she was the one that put the thermometer in my mouth. Right. Not the one that's making meatloaf singing, let's get it on. How do you think you got here? That's what makes you think of where you emerged from. Hey, that's a great question, Jay. I don't think about how I got here. Thank God they were into doing it. Have your kids ever said anything to you, Jay? About? That? About? Being loud? Oh, yeah. They have? They have? They've said something to you? Absolutely. Jay, that is?

3:19:43Hey, it's my house. That's your answer? It's my house. It's my house. They wanted to know what that swing was in the living room. We shut the door. It's called my Hawaiian sling. You know what I say to my 7, 8-year-old? I said, grow up. He didn't say anything. He didn't get it. Are you mommy wrestling again? He sleeps really hard. The other ones are up all hours. I mean, you can't time it around their schedule. Hey, you come in at 2 a.m.? Y'all shut up. It's my business. Y'all shut up. Hang on a second. Kim, you shut up too. No, I'm going to yell at them if I want to yell at them. It's my house. I'm trying to make love to you. You be quiet, girl. Y'all shut up. Hey, I ain't kidding. This is my house. I want to make love to your mother. I'm kidding. There's speaking what we were talking about earlier.

3:20:48There's an episode of Seinfeld. George's parents are old and they are nasty. And he says to George, in front of George, excuse me, I'm going to go make love to your mother. Mikey's in his coffin. Mikey is in his coffin. They're like 75 years old. One time, and I still to this day want to believe, I thought, I wasn't sure. You heard. All I know is I turned the television on and I turned it up as loud as it would go. And I'm telling you, it was so far off. Faint. Faint. But to this day, I'll convince myself, no, wasn't that. Yeah. Wasn't that.

3:21:42Was not that. They were probably rearranging furniture. They were rearranging furniture. Folding clothes on the bed. No, they were fast asleep. Yeah. They were fast asleep. Each of them four feet from each other. Fast asleep in a dream about not doing it. Yeah. There's nothing grosser. Your parents. No. Anybody's parents. No. Why don't they make walls more soundproof? Why don't they make them out of concrete? Yes. The master bedroom of homes should be made of concrete. A vault. A steel vault. It should be a safe. With a time lock on it. Yes. A master bedroom should be a safe. Birds and the bees do it. So let me ask you this without getting too graphic. No. Yes. No. Write it down. Write it down. It's not going to be graphic. Write it down. You let her say whatever she wants. Listen. I don't. She just says stuff. Okay. What about you won't solo by yourself, right? What do you mean? Well, never mind. Are you out? No, I'm just saying. Woods. He says it's my house. I'll do whatever I want. I know what you mean. Are you out of your mind? What? What? No one would ever know. I can't look at you, Woods. Me? What? What do I do? Are you out? He's got four kids.

3:23:07Yeah, scheduling is hard. Okay, that's what I want to... He's having to die. So he's not so brazen as he claims to be. Well, no, I mean, that's just different. How did you ask that question? What? Why? Why? It's so filthy. That's really wrong. It's like shaving. Oh, it hurts. Woods said something to me off the air. During the last commercial break. Knocked you off your feet. That was so disturbing. I mean, it was like, it disturbed me that I coffined into the beanbag in the studio. You left your feet. I left my feet and coffined into the beanbag. And I thought in my head, I thought, I'm so glad.

3:24:08that I'm not allowed to go inside of his head and look around the boxes. Yeah. A lot of boxes in there. I don't want... Those boxes need to stay taped with duct tape with duct tape. Those boxes are like... Staple them. Black. And you're like, where do you even get black cardboard boxes? Where do you even get these? Hey, you're one to talk. Just make a love on a balcony in front of... Sunset Strip watching, you know, like. Guaranteed. Yeah, you shouldn't be talking. She's been on a balcony before. Because you're the person that's on Big Ben in London. On the top. On the top. On the small hand. Going to town. No. Empire State Building. Oh, yeah, I've done it in there. I've never been to London. I've done it in there. Whether you're that far up, people can't tell who's who. Oh, my God. Balcony bit. Probably last weekend in L.A., guaranteed. No. You're such a creep, L.O.B. If you're that far up, come on. Lauren's such a creep. Who's going to report it? Freaking, somebody, some star is sitting. You're such a deviant. They're sitting in their house in the Hollywood Hills. They're like, what? Is that a girl making love on the balcony of the Grafton Hotel? No, it wasn't. They're like.

3:25:29Does she have on some kind of antelope beers or something? No, you have to have at least like six stories to pull it off. You got to blend in. Unscathed. I can't control it. I'm Rick James. One of your guys' drops walked on the other one. I'm dying. I'm working in here. M1 Harold from San Marcos. Hi. This one is rough. I walked into my parents' room one morning and found that they had left their toys out. Oh. Oh, my God. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. It's by far the worst. That's the worst thing. I've been in. No. It's the worst thing I've ever. No. It's worse than a Taiwanese prison. It's worse than a Taiwanese prison. You need to disinfect your eyes. You can't. It's never leaving. Oh, my God. Get a lobotomy. Yeah. Get a lobotomy. I am.

3:26:47There is no difference in that and walking in and there's a cadaver in the room. Okay. In fact, question. Which would you rather? That or a cadaver in the room? You can explain away the cadaver. You can explain. Blame the cadaver. Did you ever? I would have had to kill my parents. I would have never had to look at them again. It's funny you say that. I would have my parents arrested. Well, the judge would say, son, what are we going to do? Why did you do this? I'm like, I walked in and they're sex toys. He'd go. All right. You're pretty good. You're all right. Yeah, we can't. I mean, we can't charge you. We can't prosecute. We can't charge you. We didn't know what you saw. And now that we do, you're good to go. You're pretty good. What are we going to do? It's justifiable homicide is what it was. Harold. Yes. You and I are close friends. I didn't know that story. That is, that is as rough. Do they know that you know? No.

3:27:57It explains a lot about you. Harold, I can't change the light bulb either. Oh, my God. Thank you. Or text them 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming up on FM 94.9. Hi, this is Jack, founder of Jack in the Box. Let's take a call. Jack, I'm kind of seeing this guy, but he only calls me at like 2 a.m. and says, hey, come over. Let's do something. Does he like seasoned curly fries? Yeah. That's a foodie call. Huh? A foodie call. You know, it's really late, you're craving something, so you and your friends hit up my drive-thru for tacos or real ice cream shakes. Ah, that's a relief. I thought it was like his booty call. His what? Booty call. Who needs boots at 2 a.m.? Let me tell you something. For less than what you're probably paying for your car right now, you can get into a brand new BMW. You can experience the performance that...

3:29:02a BMW has, the craftsmanship that a BMW has, the luxury that a BMW has. I was telling my brother about it the other day. I was talking to my brother, Mark. I said, let me tell you something. Germans know how to make cars. They really know how to make cars. The BMW is, it is the quintessential automobile. I mean, from top to bottom, if you're a car person, From top to bottom, it's the best that there is. But if you're not a car person, you know the name, you know the emblem, the little white and blue emblem, and you may ask yourself, you may wonder to yourself, well, what is it? Why has it made such a name for itself? Go down there right now and find out. $199 a month, the 2011 328i, you can get into it. A brand new 2011.

3:30:06328i, $199 a month. BMW Encinitas. Go down there and check them out. This fall, Warren Miller's Like There's No Tomorrow will bring you on a global tour of the perfect winter. Adjust your gear, take a deep breath, and shred, launch, spin, charge, like there's no tomorrow. Join Warren Miller cinematographer Tom Day as he shoots his first 800-inch California winter and captures incredible powder turns laid down in Squaw Valley by Johnny Mosley, J.T. Holmes, Michelle Parker, and more. India, Chile, New Zealand, Norway, it's all here. So get out there and buy tickets like there's no tomorrow because tickets are on sale now. Check WarrenMiller.com for details. FM 94.9 welcomes Warren Miller's like there's no tomorrow to Encinitas this week. Check it out at the La Paloma Theater on December 10th. Ticket holders get buy one, get one free lift ticket offers to Heavenly and Mountain High and $25 off at Sports Chalet. Get your tickets at Ticketfly.com, select Sports Chalet stores, and at theater box offices. Check WarrenMiller.com for more information.

3:31:12Cricket presents obvious life choices where making a good choice is also an easy choice. Take holiday carolers. You can go with, is that the best you got? Or that rocks a lot. And when it comes to wireless plans, will it be unlimited lameness? Or. Unlimited music. Starting at $55 a month, Cricket gives you nationwide talk, text, and data, plus unlimited music downloads from Move Music, all on the latest Android-powered smartphones like the ZTE Score. Now just $79.99 with no contract. The choice just makes itself, so score a great gift this season. Cricket, your call. Limited time offer requires new activation. See store for planned data usage and coverage details. Terms and conditions apply. Hurry in today and you can get the ZTE score for just $79.99 this holiday. It's a great deal and an even better gift. Now at a cricket store. Cricket, your call. That's the sound of a fuse burning. As long as it's burning, there's still time to get to the BMW Mission to Drive sales event on now at your local BMW center. While you can, take advantage of an up to $2,500 credit toward a new BMW. Hmm, those are real sparks.

3:32:32Test drive any model from the legendary lineup, including the all-new 6 series featured in the new movie Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol in theaters this December. Technologically advanced and fuel efficient, every BMW earns the title The Ultimate Driving Machine. That fuse is burning down remarkably fast. Take advantage of this immediately, as the $2,500 credit will soon self-destruct. There. I made it with two inches of fuse to spare. Don't cut it that close. Come in today. Hurry into the BMW Mission to Drive sales event today for an up to $2,500 credit towards a new 2012 BMW. Visit stcountybmw.com slash finance for details. Kohl's biggest sale of the season this Thursday through Saturday. Shop over 200 power hour specials Friday 3 to 11 p.m. and Saturday 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. The more you know, the more you Kohl's. Kohl's, expect great things. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bird. Bird Surf Shed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for you. Wednesday morning brought to you by Grom Bomb. New flavors available. Good, tasty stuff. Stop by the shed, pick some up, try it out. Surf-wise today, really weak, and that's a bummer because it's super clean conditions. Just a remnant old Southwest swell out there getting buried by a mega high tide this morning.

3:33:52And surf is just almost not rideable. Longboardable at the beach breaks maybe for a few insiders. Right on the shoreline, reef breaks are completely shut down. So enjoy the day and the morning, but there won't be much ways to enjoy it with. For up-to-the-minute surf reports, forecasts, go to surfline.com. And for all your surfboard repair restoration needs, go see my pal Joe Roper down at Marina Boulevard and tell him I sent you. The authentic surf report can only be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Wow, I hate to get up in the morning. And now back to Mikey Show. Oh, yeah. Mike. Mikey. I'm in love with Woods. Yeah, that's it. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like the skateboard. On FM 94.9. It's empty in the valley of your heart. The sonnet rises slowly as you walk. Away from all the fears and all the faults you've left behind. The harvest left no food for you to eat. You cannibal, you meat eater, you see. But I've seen the same. I know the shame in your defeat. December 29th to January 1st. The 2012 San Diego International Auto Show. Nice.

3:35:32I cannot wait. Mikey porn. Yeah. Yeah. Pretty much. You're a car guy. Pretty much. You're either a car guy or not a car guy. I'm not a car guy. You don't really fall in between. But I'm going. For me, it's like going to see celebrities and I get as, you know, like excited like a celebrity. Like I'm getting to see this celeb in person. I've only read about them and seen them in magazines. Now I'm seeing them up close and in person. Do you get nervous? I like to look. You just don't like to touch. You know what my whole big beef with cars is? What? I'll probably never be able to afford the ones that are really legit. So I'm like, I'm not going to get myself all worked up about a car and then freak out because I don't have it. It's the same concept as Scarlett Johansson. You're never going to have her either, but you're telling me that you don't think that she's hot? Yeah, I mean, I can make sex to her in my mind, though, if I want to. It's like lusting. You lust after the car. Yeah. Well... But, like, a car is an attainable goal, right? Here's the difference. But, dude... I can go buy a Hyundai today. You know, I can go sign off and buy a Hyundai. It's a car. Yeah. If I wanted to. Yeah. But...

3:36:51You drove a Hyundai to get here tonight. Exactly. I drove an $80,000 BMW. And I can't see myself paying $80,000 for a car. You know? Even if somebody handed it to me, I'd be like, I'm all the way in. Well, here's the deal. I love them. See, I loved them before I had a nice car. I loved them. But you aspired to get one. No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't why I loved them. It wasn't like I went, oh, the reason that I like this is because one day I'm going to have one. Right. Because I didn't know. radio was going to pan out. I had no idea it was going to pan out or it was going to make me any money. I had no idea. And I didn't make any money for a long, long time. For me, the car thing, it's the way they smell. There is nothing like the way a car smells. There is nothing like the feel of those seats, the feel of that steering wheel. There is nothing like Driving with music cranked. Nothing. The outside of the car. I know this is going to sound weird. The outside of the car. The way that the car is shaped can be sexy as all get up. Wow. That's why they call car she's. They're all women. They call ships she's too. Yeah, they do. Save that.

3:38:20Go ahead and save that clip there. Save that clip, L.O.B. That was a good one. It makes me, I get kind of upset. I get jealous that I don't get to have it. It's the same reason why I never watched the TV show Entourage, because it made me mad. I wanted a boy that went to L.A. and made it, and I was in his little group. I wanted that. It would piss me off. Really? It's a true statement. That's a little peek inside of this crazy mind. I couldn't watch it. I'm like, why couldn't that have been me and my boys? See, now I was evaluating the whole, you know, because I know that there's got to be a part of me that my deal was, and I had a conversation with a friend of mine named Kyle about this one time. And he was like, are you telling me that you don't get pissed off and get jealous about blah, blah, blah? And I said, I don't. And he didn't believe me. He thought I was lying. And I said, the reason that I don't is because growing up, I was always like, you're not going to have that. You don't have that. So in my mind, you were told that or you felt that I felt that. Yeah. That I wasn't going to have it. And but more than that, I also felt this is weird that I didn't deserve it. That is weird. That is weird. I was the other way. I always was like, yeah, I could do that.

3:39:48Like, when I was young, when I was 19 or 20, I thought, I could be an actor. I could be an actor. I've got a good personality. You know, back then I was skinny. I was like, I could be a freaking actor. Yeah. And I wanted to be. Yeah. And, like, I just never pursued it, you know. And I saw that show Entourage, and I watched these four best friends. I've always been a big fan of the group of real tight buddies. Yeah. That would do anything for you, loyalty. And I would watch this show. And I'd be like, gosh darn it, dude. That could have been me and Kevin and all my boys from back home. It's like a therapy session for you guys. Yeah, this is. Let it out. Go ahead and cry. I want you guys to hug, too. You're a monster. I love it. You. Just trying to be honest. Monster. Just trying to be honest. I appreciate it. You guys are going to be okay? I'm very upset. Funny. Isn't that funny? Monster. Not so good now. Quit poker. Oh, what do you want? You want the tears to come out of my eyes? Really? Really? Just trying to share some stuff with our audience. Just let the man side. Forget it. You're both doing okay for yourselves. Oh, no! We suck again! Well, I guess we'll just be cold and callous. Yeah. You know. And then we'll just... I just won't let the listeners in anymore. No, no. Drop that zero and get with me. I'm not saying anything wrong. Leave me alone! Nice beaver.

3:41:24about when Wood said, you know, I just never pursued it. And Mikey shaking his head like a shrink. Yeah, you could have. You had what it takes, kid. You could have been a contender. Trying to be friends here, man. Trying to be pals. I want to hang myself. Don't say that. Why? You were talking about Michael Hutchins earlier. Your boy, Michael Hutchins. It's your boy. He is my boy. I got really choked. That's not even a phrase. It's not a phrase. It's not a phrase. It is. Choked up. Choked up. You can choke. No, you can say something. I got really choked up. That team choked last week. Right, but he just goes, I got really choked. He got really choked. That's not a saying. It's not a saying. It's a saying. I got strangled over it. Don't try to cover. It's a saying. It is a saying. I love this guy. Since the Duke sex scandal. More from the Mikey Show coming up in a respectful one.

3:42:37Sober Manor. Be a part of the show. 570-1949. Uh, that, that, that. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Oh, go, go. This is the Mikey Show. You're welcome. On FM 94.9. The Ford year-end celebration is on now at your San Diego County Ford dealers. You'll find huge savings, low financing, and incredible lease payments on our entire lineup of fuel-efficient cars. Like the 41 MPG Fusion Hybrid, the 40 MPG Fiesta, even the new 40 MPG 2012 Ford Focus. Now available for just $169 a month for 27 months with $23.98 due at signing. That's right, just $169 a month for a 40 MPG Focus. Don't miss the year-end celebration. On now at your San Diego County Ford dealer. Ford, built for San Diego. EPA estimated Focus or Fiesta SE with SFE package. Not all buyers will qualify for low mileage Ford credit red carpet lease. Payments may vary. Dealer determines prices. Cash due at signing is after 500 trade-in assistance cash. Available on 1996 or newer vehicle trade-in or lease terminated from 12-1-11 to 1-2-12. Lessee responsible for access wear and mileage over 23,625 miles at 20 cents per mile. Take retail delivery from dealer stock by 1-2-12. See dealer for qualifications and details. So I'm holiday shopping at Verizon and tell the sales girl.

3:43:52They've made their list. I've checked it twice. I need three smartphones. And she says, try the 4G LTE Samsung Stratosphere. It's only $99.99 after $50 mail-in rebate debit card. So I say, 4G? Huh. But in my head, I'm thinking... Then I say, my kids go through lots of data. And she goes, right now, you can double their data for the same price when you get them a 4G LTE smartphone. And now, I'm all... Give the technology they love on the network they deserve. And for a limited time, double your data without paying a penny more when you buy a new 4G LTE smartphone. Visit any Verizon store, verizonwireless.com slash holiday, or call 1-800-256-4646. Verizon. Requires new two-year activation and data pack. Early termination and other fees apply. Double your data applies to new activations or upgrades, and data packs two gigabytes or higher. Coverage details at verizonwireless.com. Hey, this is LOB, and it's December, and that means what, Woodsy? It's time to get your holiday show.

3:44:53Shopping done now. You got to give the gift of great hair like ours. Oh, yeah. I've got. if I do say so myself, fabulous hair. Yeah, I've been using the Men's Max Pack, and I started using Ovation because I saw how amazing my wife Jamie's hair looked. It looked incredible. Well, not to mention my hair, which I come in here every morning just flaunting it about. Yes. Smells delicious. Smells amazing. And L.O.B., it's longer than it's ever been. It is actually longer than it's ever been. Right now is the best time for you to try Ovation because not only is it a really good price that they have going on for their holiday gift set, But if you enter FM 949 at checkout, you're going to get a special introductory discount. We got a message that they are almost out of this holiday gift pack. They're almost sold out. You need to get in there now. So go to OvationHair.com and enter FM 949 at checkout. You're going to get that special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM 949 at checkout for your special introductory discount.

3:45:50Who do you have on your gift-giving list this year? A climber, snowboarder, or skier? Someone that loves the great outdoors. Not a problem. Maybe a runner, golfer, or scuba diver. We got you covered. You see, at Sportschelay, we have something for every athlete or weekend warrior on your list. You can stop by and talk to one of our gift-giving experts or go to sportschelay.com and check out our holiday gift center. Either way, you're going to find what you're looking for at Sportschelay. Robotic assistant Al and I have tested out the new Scion IQ. Scion IQ is the world's smallest four-seater. Scion IQ has 11 airbags. Scion IQ is better than Al. Get to your local Scion dealer and check out the new IQ starting at $15,995. Scion, what moves you?

3:46:37Size claim certified by AMCI Testing. Call 1-866-240-6684 for claim details. MSRP includes delivery, processing, and handling fee. Excludes taxes, title, license, and optional equipment. Dealer price will vary. Target's dedicating Thursday through Saturday's almost last-minute sale to everyone who's ever wrapped a present between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m. on Christmas Day. This sale's for everyone who's ever purchased reindeer socks out of sheer panic, left Santa and IOU attached to a Triscuit, or skipped out on Caroling to hunt down the latest incarnation of Elmo. This sale's going to have so much good gifting to give that you'll want to gift as early as possible this year. Target's almost last minute sale Thursday through Saturday. Get your gift on. See our three-day ad in tomorrow's paper or visit target.com slash weekly ad for details. Target. Expect more. Pay less. It's BMW's mission to drive sales event. Rethink the impossible. And now at BMW Encinitas, we make it possible to get behind the wheel of a brand new BMW. Like a new 2012 BMW 528i for only $4.99 a month. That's right. A 528i for only $4.99 a month. Fully equipped with navigation.

3:47:37heated seats, 32 MPGs, and much more. So if a brand new 528i isn't in your driveway now, BMW Encinitas will make it happen. Only at BMW Encinitas on Encinitas Boulevard between the 5 and El Camino Real. 2012 528i's for $4.99 a month. It's possible. Visit us online at bmwencinitas.com. 36 month lease, $4,950 plus tax and license to it. Signing $0 security deposit, 10K miles per year, 20 cents per excess mile with approved above average credit based on 2011 EPA mileage estimates used for comparison purposes only. Do not compare to models before 2008. Your actual mileage will vary depending on how you drive and maintain your vehicle. Five at this offer. Must finance with BMW Financial Services. Offer expires end of the month. And now back to the Mikey Show. Rise and shine. It's a new day. With Mikey. When you're fat, you're always feeling a cold breeze. Woods. The best movie ever made. Footloose. Lauren. I'm all hot and bothered. I am. And Jake. Look, I like to climb and I like to eat edamame, okay? On FM 94.9. Here I said, imagine if, and I asked Elleby, I said, Elleby, give me a magic word. She said pumpkin. I said, imagine if I said the word pumpkin and we all had to wear a t-shirt that said the filthiest things we've ever done. Imagine John Mayer's t-shirt. Oh, my God. His would be yellow.

3:49:29Yeah, but imagine the dimes that would be on his T-shirt. There wouldn't be. Well, the only problem is, is that you would have to write in miniature writing. Yes, right. It'd be like the guy that does, you know, he does pictures on a grain of rice. I wonder how many columns there would be before it got to somebody like Jennifer Love Hewitt. I don't know. That guy is, he's a Hall of Famer. Well, we were saying off the air, we were talking about why it skeeves us out so much. The thought. Of our parents making love. And Wood said, well, dude. He goes, we are our parents. They're just older. Our parents were once just like us in their mid-30s. And I think about that. I'm like, oh, my goodness. Yeah. At one time, your dad was a virile.

3:50:26horny, young, Latino dude. The only difference between me and my mom was she had been married for about 10 years and had three kids by then. Holy cow. By the time she was your age? Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Pregnant with her fourth at this time. Huh. So, almost like me. Just getting a little bit of a late start. Yeah. A little bit. Yeah. Or maybe no start at all. I am thinking about freezing my eggs, so that's good. I'll just go. I think it costs a lot of money. It's my only thing. I also don't make a lot of money, and I don't have a husband to support that. I'm going to look into it, though, because time is running out. I just turned 31 on Friday. Anyway. Oh, yeah. Well, there's that. There's always that. Almost the same as my mom. Almost identical Mrs. O'Brien. You should just get knocked up. Popsicle bit? No, Lauren. What I'm suggesting is that you entrap your man. Wedlock. You don't have to be married. You know what's good, Lauren? Wedlock. I'll tell you what you do. You pretend you're taking a birth control pill. There you go. But you actually toss it. Throw it over your shoulder. Throw it over your shoulder. Say, come on, baby.

3:51:55Let's make love. Yeah, make him buy the cow. After all, it's all safe. I ain't going to get pregnant. I took a birth control pill. That's right. Nothing a man loves more, Jay, than a woman trapping him into doing something he didn't want to or wasn't planning on doing. But he's been offering this. It's been on the table. Huh? You know he wants to buy the cow. He just needs an incentive. Oh, the kid will push him over the edge? Yeah, the kid will push him right on over. That's right. That's what every woman wants is to trap. Well, not that, for the man to be, to have to marry her. Because he feels it's the right thing to do. Love's not enough. Yeah, love. Hey, Don Henley said it best when he said, sometimes love just ain't enough, L-O-B. Yeah, that's true. Well, I think the Eagles said it best when they said, you know, don't go off the pill on purpose. Yeah. You know, remember that song? Make sure to trap your man. Yeah. Remember that song?

3:52:54I think Queen had a song called, if you're on the pill, you should take it. Yeah. Yeah, but Led Zeppelin had that song that said, throw that pill over your shoulder and don't swallow it. But Boston, on their hit record, Boston. Yeah, Boston. Or maybe it was Don't Look Back. They had that one that said, you better take that pill. I remember Chicago said, whatever you do, just do something because time is running out. Yeah, Pink Floyd had that song. Your clock is ticking. Better lock it up. Yeah, that was it. That's right. And then my favorite was the bread song. Baby, I'm going to watch you. I found your IUD underneath the tree. No, Jay, actually. Oh, my God. That was it? No, actually, Jay, no. Started dreaming about me. The pill you took and take me by surprise.

3:53:57I pretended not to see your birth control you left behind for someone else, not me. Wouldn't you know it? Get me out. Get me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What just happened? I felt like I was in a French museum. What was that? Who's talking? Red song. I thought... That I was in a museum of horrors. I woke up in a box in the Congo. Yes. I couldn't have even been horrified because I didn't understand it. It was French. Yeah. Oui, oui. It's like looking at a piece of art, but the art's an aquarium.

3:54:53You're like, wait, is this part of the exhibit or is this just for people's enjoyment? This is part of the art. Is this an aquarium here at the museum or is this actually an exhibit? And they look at you and they say, exactly. They go, yes. Think about it. I did. That's why I asked you. That's why I was asking. Exactly. None of it made sense. That hurt. I don't know what happened. How did everybody enjoy the program today? Good? Good? All right. Good? Everybody good? Oh, giggle. M1 Nation. Everybody good? Good. Okay, good. All right. Well, then we'll just readjourn. We'll come back. We'll do it again. I know what you're doing, Mike. You're stalling. I blanked out on stage a couple days ago, and I stopped in the middle and said, how's everybody doing? Good? Oh, God. No, you didn't. You did. Oh, no. Oh, God, really? Oh, yeah. That's tough. That's the first time that's ever happened. Oh, that's tough. I've blown words before, like forgotten words playing a song, and been like... That's the problem with stand-up comedy. You don't usually have props or instruments or anything. Unless you're Gallagher and you've got a watermelon and a sledgehammer, and then you can just start beating the hell out of a watermelon. You should have a standby like that. Don't forget, tonight it's going to get.

3:56:14Real chilly. Perfect. Tonight, they say the temperatures in San Diego County are going to plummet. It's cold this morning. Even on the coastal areas, they're expecting lows in the mid to low 30s. That's cold. That's cold. That's real. So, yeah. Cover your plants. Cover your plants. Zero percent. Yeah. I'm not covering much. I am. If they're meant to live, then they'll battle through tonight's coldness. Bring your pets inside. You know, they say if you love a plant, let it go. Let it go. If it comes back, then it was meant to be. It was meant to be. It's yours forever. I think that about plants a lot. Mine will all die. That is one of the goofiest SG&Ts I've ever heard. It may be the number one SG&T.

3:57:10Sounds good. Sounds great. It basically sounds great. Give him space. If you love someone, let him go. And if they come back, it was meant to be. Maybe they came back because they were horny. Yeah, well, maybe he just went on a whoring road and he feels guilty. Maybe he's a dirtbag and he came back. Or maybe she's a dirtbag and she came back. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, maybe it was horny. I think that's what you say to somebody that was getting broken up with. No. No, you say that to yourself. I've said that to myself in relationships. I've been like, well, you know, they say that I should let her go. And if she comes back, yeah, maybe she came back because she wanted some more emotional vampire time. Yeah, she needed more blood. It 100% worked for me because Kim and I were living together. She had to go back to Florida to go back to school. And I was like, I didn't want her to go, but I knew it was the best thing for her. So she went. And as soon as she got there, she's like.

3:58:08No, no way. Hey, listen. Let her go. Because you cheated death doesn't mean that you should cheat death. Right. You know what I mean? My parents did it too. If somebody jumped off of a building and survived, that doesn't make jumping off a building a good idea. Yeah, I think one guy went over Niagara Falls in a barrel. Doesn't mean I'm rolling my barrel up there, dude. You know what I mean? One guy made it. It's true. It's like, hey, listen. I made it, dude. Yeah, exactly. Dude. Shooting up 19 grams of heroin. I did it once and Nicky Vicks did it. Yeah, Nicky did it. Fine. They don't make it okay. It's still dangerous. Listen, a lot of times when you let them go, there's a reason I let them go. Yeah. I'm glad I let them go. I won't say who, but there was a...