The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 12/12/11
Monday, December 12, 2011
Lou Bush tributeChargers playoff hopesTim Tebow winning streakRosie O'Donnell vs Letterman audioSunset and Vine shootingName That Tune gameOccupy movement protestDoppelganger pet store bitLauren cream spill incidentKathy Post‑It mysteryTaylor interviewTrue statements segment
Mikey opened the show paying tribute to his late friend Lou Bush (P2), recalling Lou’s humor and the cucumber trick (P6). He then shifted to sports, noting the Chargers’ playoff hopes hinged on continued wins and Tim Tebow’s sixth straight victory (P12). The program also covered the Sunset‑Vine shooting by Tyler Brum (P20), played a chaotic Name That Tune game (P30), debated the Occupy protesters blocking the port (P50), featured Woods’ awkward pet‑store call with the doppelganger challenge (P78), and wrapped up with listener‑driven true statements (P165) and off‑beat stories like Lauren’s cream spill (P119) and the Kathy Post‑It mystery (P130).
What happened, in order
Lou Bush Tribute
Mikey honors his late friend Lou Bush, sharing stories about Lou’s humor, loyalty, and how Lou never made being around him unpleasant.
Lou’s Cucumber Trick
Mikey recalls how Lou got him to eat cucumbers soaked in apple cider vinegar, Lou’s habit of being late, and the book Love and Respect Lou recommended.
Chargers Playoff Talk
Mikey discusses the Chargers’ need to keep winning to make the playoffs, notes Tim Tebow’s sixth straight win, and looks ahead to the Ravens game.
Rosie O'Donnell vs Letterman
Mikey previews an audio clip where Rosie O'Donnell confronts David Letterman about jokes concerning her interns.
Sunset and Vine Shooting
Mikey describes the incident where 26‑year‑old Tyler Brum opened fire on cars at Sunset and Vine, wounding a Mercedes driver before being shot by police.
Name That Tune Game
The crew plays a Christmas‑themed Name That Tune with buzzer mishaps, misguesses, and eventual points for songs like “Give It Up” by Wilson Phillips.
Occupy Movement Debate
Mikey, Woods, and callers discuss the Occupy protesters blocking San Diego ports, weighing their message against concerns about unlawful disruption.
Doppelganger Pet Store Bit
Woods must work odd words like ‘doppelganger’ and ‘Red Sox’ into a call to A1 Pets, eventually naming a bulldog ‘F the Red Sox.’
Lauren’s Cream Spill
Lauren accidentally scalds herself with coffee, drops a carton of cream, and the crew jokes about cleaning it up with sawdust and towels.
The Kathy Post‑It Mystery
Mikey recounts how a Post‑It labeled ‘Kathy’ drove L.O.B. to distraction, revealing it was a code for a planned sexual encounter.
Taylor Interview Fallout
Mikey plays a provocative interview with a woman named Taylor who requests a kangaroo for Christmas and admits to multiple boyfriends.
True Statements Segment
The show reads listener‑submitted “true statements” on topics ranging from video games to parenting, sparking debate about their validity.
People mentioned
MikeyWoodsL.O.B.LaurenJayLou BushDeeTyler BrumChristopher JohnsRosie O'DonnellDavid LettermanTim TebowPhillip RiversMatt Prater
37,680 words, machine transcribed. Click any timestamp to jump the player there.
We'll take it. Now, the Raiders lost, but Denver did win. Magic. Yeah. Who knows what's going on there? But they're not supposed to, but they win. Tebow. Every time. That's right. Six in a row. 570-1949 is our number. And you can text us, 949mikey, at gmail.com. And the word of the day today is jacket. So when you hear me say jacket between now and 10, and you're calling nine, you're going to get a pair of Chris Cornell tickets. You're going to be able to get to go see Chris Cornell on the 17th at Balboa Theater. It's going to be awesome. So that is a huge prize, and that's what you'll get for word of the day today. If you're clever enough to hear me say it sometime between now and 10, and if you were not...
If you weren't with us on Friday, we were playing the best of the Mikey show on Friday. And the reason that we were is because I lost a good friend. We all lost good friend in Lou Bush. I found out about it on Thursday that Lou had passed. And it was really, really tough for me. I was telling L.O.B. off the air that for the first 24 hours, I didn't. I didn't really... There was nothing from me. It was just... Numb. Yeah. Just nothing. And I didn't... I won't say that I didn't believe it because I knew it was true. I just didn't feel it that he was gone. And so it wasn't until later that I actually did. Oh, man. But it was really, really sad news. Lou Bush...
played for the San Diego Chargers during their Super Bowl run. And he was also a good friend of mine. And he would fill in on the air sometimes when I was gone. And so his services are going to be on Thursday. And I've been asked to be one of the people to speak at his funeral. And I am really... honored that they asked me to do that uh and i will and so on thursday we won't be here um and to honor lou on thursday we're going to play some of the clips uh of when lou would fill in and uh when he would be here and fill in um what i can tell you about lou is that if you didn't know him i was telling my wife this the other day yesterday my wife and i were laying down on the couch and i said to her it never sucked to be around Lou. It never sucked to be around Lou. Now, when you get to know somebody over a period of time, at some point, it's going to suck to be around them. And one of the things that stood out to me about Lou is that it never sucked to be around Lou. He was always... He always made you feel comfortable and good to be around. No matter what. Funny, dude. Very funny. Fun and up.
Always. Goofing. Love to goof. Yeah. Break balls. That's what I love. Ball breaker. Yep. He loved to do that. So funny. I can always, you know, it's funny. When you visualize somebody, you will visualize them saying something or doing something. And I always remember Lou's exasperation. I would say something and he would be, he would be exasperated and he would. He would go, his eyes would get real big. He'd go, oh, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude. Let me tell you, dude. Great guy. Great guy. And he was only a year older than me. It really made me evaluate my health, my kids. It's the same thing that motivated me to lose weight last time was that.
I want to see my kids. I want to be alive and see my kids. And so this thing with Lou, you know, him being a year older than me, I thought, you know, I got to be there for my kids. I got to get in better shape. I got to eat better. I got to treat myself better. And I got to get in better shape. That guy was in shape. Lou is in such good shape, too. That's the crazy part. Well, he was and he wasn't. He was and he wasn't. Uh, there were, there were, you know, here's the deal. Um, I had the opportunity to talk to his wife, Dee, who's just so sweet. And, um, I, we have, you know, psychologically in the way that we think we had so much in common and, and, um, you know, Dee was telling me about some of the things that Lou had said. She said, he loved you, Mikey. He loved you. And I was just thinking back on some stories of him and his character and what kind of guy he was character-wise. Phone calls that he would make to me that were great character. What was that? That was weird. What the hell just happened in here? Where did that come from? It was sitting up on the, there's an exercise ball and it was sitting on top of our beanbag. All of a sudden.
It just decided to roll off and bounce onto the floor for no reason. Ultimate prankster. Oh, my gosh. Lou's a crazy guy. Oh, my gosh. Something else, huh? That was the weirdest. I look over and this ball, this big red ball is just bouncing through our studio. Holy crap. Maybe he brings us some more barbecue. Fair enough. Fair enough. Best barbecue I've ever had in my life. There is no question. I ate ribs. I don't eat ribs. The barbecue was amazing, but the sauce that he makes for it was a, I don't know how he did it. That sausage, he'd make that homemade sausage, and he'd slather it with that sauce. Forget it. Yeah. Forget about it. Only guy I've ever known that's got me eat cucumbers. Oh, yeah. Two things I hate are... Well, I don't like cilantro. I don't like, so it's three. I don't like cilantro. I don't like cantaloupe. Yeah. It's the three C's. Yes, the three C's. Cilantro, cantaloupe, and cucumbers. I don't like them. But Lou used to make them in this apple cider vinegar. Oh, yeah. Yep. And they were just delicious. And it wasn't just the fact that they were these cucumbers that were in the apple cider vinegar.
There was something about these white containers, these plastic containers that he put them in. They weren't white. They were kind of see-through. They were these clear plastic containers. And so you could see them in there soaking. And I liked the whole thing. I liked the container. Something about that container and popping the top off of that container. Reaching in and grabbing those things. And they were nice and crisp and tart. And just delicious. That dude. He said it was all just from his mom's recipes, his grandma's recipes. And he just got them from his family. And sweet Lou's. This is one of the things. I don't want to give too much away of what I'm going to say on Thursday. But I will remember Lou for a couple things. One, him getting me to eat cucumbers. Two. Always being late. Always. Always. Listen, you want Lou there at noon, tell him nine. Yeah. It's true. And when he gets there at noon, he'll go, dude, dude. You are not going to believe the traffic. Totally. And then I'll also remember him turning me on the book Love and Respect, which is a great book.
So, oh, man. Miss you, Lou. Love you, Lou. And on Thursday, we will be doing a tribute to Lou by playing some of the clips back of when he would fill in for me. He was great. Yeah. Great guy. Let's see. Oh, so because now Friday we were not on the air. A, I, you know, got a little bit of that bronchitis that Woodsy had. And also I was. Really torn up about Lou and knew that it wasn't going to be that I was going to be toast on the air. There was no way I was going on the air on Friday and any of it was going to make any sense or that I would even mentally be there. And so Friday we had a day off. Now, Friday we were going to do the bikini bet payoff. So now we just don't have to do it. Yeah, we just scrap it. No, no, no. Well, that is a big time negatory. That's not going to happen. I threw all my bathing suits out. Well. I figured I wouldn't need them. Well, I'll chip in and we'll go get some more. Oh, yeah, sure, sure, sure. It's a great idea. It's on us. It's a great idea. It's on us. Borrow one of the Kohl's. So what we're going to do is, what we're going to do is, LOB is going to be wearing a bikini. Oh.
And Jay is going to be wearing a bikini. Oh. And they're going to put robes on. I have mine now. Looks really good. Now, check this out. Like a furry got caught in a band. All right, just for a moment. Oh, boy. Caught in a balloon. That's right. L.O.B. is a foxy blonde, and Jay is a 48-year-old man. And when he's not, you know, when he doesn't have his clothes on, what's he put at best? Looks like a... Old Serbian. Yes. Thatch. Thatched up. Thatched. He's thatched up real good. Real nice salt and pepper thatch. And so they will be getting some pop culture trivia on the corner of Friars and Frisee. And the person that loses this contest of pop culture trivia will have to drop their robe. And they'll be there in a bikini. If you want to call, you can. 570-1949 is the number. And you can also reach us by text, 949mikey at gmail.com. An M1 is a Mikey Show listener. If you call in, turn your radio down, get to the point and don't cuss. That's an M1. You belong to M1 Nation. And you're always making new M1s. That's a big part of the equation. You listen to us.
For long periods of time. You don't just give us a couple of minutes of your listening. You listen to us the whole time because we're working here, folks. So give us a long period of your time. And you are creating new M1s. You are going out there and systematically making new M1s. You're making this thing bigger and bigger day by day. You're making M1 Nation bigger. M1AK from Point Loma. Yes, sir. Are you there? I am, yeah. Hey, go ahead. That whole ball incident gave me the chills. I really believe that he actually is there looking over you, so I thought maybe as M1 Nation we'd give him a moment of silence together. I will do that for you, and I think it's a good idea, so we can do that now. I'll have you know they did that yesterday as well at the Charger game. Yes. Woodsy told me about it this morning. Yeah, somebody had written me and said that it was an awesome, awesome moment before the game. And, you know, please honor former linebacker Lou Bush, number 58 for the San Diego Chargers. Man, it's pretty cool. It's so hard for me to believe. You know, I think about it and I go, it's so weird that Lou was a football player. I never really think of him like that. I think of him as just, you know.
Our friend. Sir Perot. Well, you know, he gave me, when you were gone, he gave me his workout. The Lou Bush workout that he does. Yeah. This guy said, I'll go get it. I go, really? You don't have to. He goes, I'm going to go get it in my car. Dude, shut up. I'll get it. Yeah. Runs down to his car, makes photocopies of it, brings it up, folds it and gives it to me, tells me what to do. I'm like, all right, I'm going to do this today. I go to the gym. I got through half of it. Half. And I was like, that's it. I'm done. I'm going to die. I'm going to die doing this thing. It was just too much. Oh, it's way too much. Yeah. That's when I realized, oh, yeah, that guy's like a supreme athlete. I saw pictures from the 94, the AFC championship game where they won in Pittsburgh. And there was a picture of Lou. And that was what? Almost. That was 18 years ago, almost? Yeah, yeah. He looked exactly the same. I know. Yeah, he did. That's great. He was just like a little kid at heart. Yeah. We had each other's phone numbers, and we would text each other sometimes, and he loved, like I hit him up for Mikey-thon. And I said, hey, I wrote him an email. I go, hey, if you guys have anything, we want to get some good auction stuff. And I think he wrote back something dirty to me. And I just started laughing. I go, anyway.
But he asked me at some point, he's like, you know what, man? I'm putting something together and I got a great idea. And I need a white boy like you to be like my little white kid. And I'll be on TV and I'll send you out and do crazy stuff. I was like, I'm all the way in. You just say when and I will be there. And, you know, that's something I was really looking forward to doing if we ever had gotten a chance. How about that big red medicine ball bouncing off of that giant bean bag while we were on the air? And just bouncing through here. He was a prankster. He brought in all that hot sauce for me. We were going to do the challenge, and he had the crackers over there. He's like, hey, I'll eat it with you. I'll eat it with you. So we put a dollop of the really hot stuff on, and he goes to put his mouth. He puts his mouth and holds it there for a second, and then I throw it in my mouth, and he immediately just spits the whole cracker out. Nothing. Yeah, you touched it. Dying. But he also sweat for an hour after it happened. Awesome. That's so awesome. 5-7-0, 1-94-9. Speaking of sports, the Chargers did, in fact, win yesterday. Yeah, it was a big win. 37-10 over Buffalo. Phillip Rivers looked great. 24-33 for 240 and three touchdowns. It's no interceptions in his last three games. Nice.
You hate to say too little too late because I'll tell you what. They've got Baltimore coming to town. Baltimore is 10-3. Baltimore will be here next Sunday. It's a huge game. Yeah. Huge, huge game. Now, basically for the Chargers to make the playoffs, they need to keep winning. And that's all they have to do. They have to win and probably have to win out, right? They need to win. And they're also going to need some help. The Raiders helped us out by getting smoked. By Green Bay yesterday. Smoked. Yes. Just killed. Yes. And freaking Tebow did it again. He won. And the Bears were in position to win that game. Marion Barber fumbles the football. And Denver recovers. The guy kicks a 59-yarder, Matt Prater, to win it. In overtime. 51 in overtime. And by the way, yes, I was watching the game. And moments, I mean, it's like moments before the game is over. Tim Tebow, who had a horrible game, he can't throw the football. No. Can't. Till he has to. Till he has to. Gosh. So then in the fourth quarter, as the game is winding down, all of a sudden, Tim Tebow, and he throws a touchdown, and now it's 7-10. Yep. And then, in the last three seconds, Matt Prater tied it. Yep. And they go into overtime, and I'm like, you've got to be kidding me with this guy. Six in a row.
Six in a row. And listen, Aaron Rodgers is your MVP, but Tim Tebow is a close second. I mean, he rescued that team from just a third season. Yeah, I mean, they're 7-1 with him starting. Yeah, he's won six in a row. Weird. And he can't throw a football. He doesn't know how to throw a football. Yeah. I love that. I know you do. It's okay. That's not me. That's a clip. It's not me. I know you do. I know you do. So, well, we'll see what happens. Heisman Trophy was given out over the weekend. Sure was, man. Robert Griffin III, the Baylor University quarterback, won the first Heisman for that university ever. Very, very good kid. He grabbed 405 first-place votes. He threw. for 3,998 yards and 36 touchdowns. He also ran for 644 yards and nine touchdowns. His passing efficiency rating was 192-31, highest in the nation. They say he has the size of Tim Tebow and the athleticism of Michael Vick. And he throws a phenomenal deep ball. He is a good kid. I've got him after winning. This is him. He's very humble and knows that it goes to the university as well as him.
It's not just myself. It's Baylor University. So we'll have a picture up there in that hall that wasn't and was never there. So I hope I can mentor guys in the future to be great players like myself and a lot of my teammates to where they can win awards and forever be submitted in history. Wow. He's a good kid. Yeah, nice to hear him give him props to the university. Now, when we come back, we're going to talk about the incident that happened in... Hollywood on the corner of Sunset and Vine. Psycho kid, 26 years old, just starts firing into cars. If you haven't heard about it, we'll fill you in on all the details. It's a crazy story. Also, I can't stand Rosie O'Donnell, but she was talking to David Letterman, right? Letterman makes a lot of jokes about her. So we have audio of her saying, and make fun of you when you had sex with all your interns. Uh-oh. Now that has got to be some interesting audio. No? We'll see next. Pop it in. And turn it on. Be a part of the Mikey Show now. Call 570-1949. Or text 949mikey at gmail.com. This is the Mikey Show. More coming up on FM 94.9. This holiday season.
Show that special someone how much you really care. About powerful, efficient, turbocharged engines, just like the one found in the C250 sports sedan. Along with aggressive new body styling and a completely redesigned interior, the new C-Class commands the road with over 2,000 new refinements. Come into the Mercedes-Benz Winter Event now and get the Mercedes-Benz you've always dreamed of for a price you never dreamed possible. Lease the 2012 C250 sports sedan for only $349 a month for 30 months with $4,009 due at signing, or get one for just 1.9% APR for 37 to 66 months with a special credit on your first two months payment up to a total of $1,300. But hurry, offers end January 3rd. The Mercedes-Benz Winter Event. May all your holiday wishes come true. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services at participating dealers through January 3, 2012. Some equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Ed Scandido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego.
Good effort there, Tembo, but I think the kids are sounding just fine on their own. Okay, thanks for trying, though. Okay, and one, and two, and here we go. Jingle bells, jingle bells. Hot. All righty, Tembo, you win. Let's take it from the top again, everybody, but this time let's do it the elephant's way. And one, and two, and a jungle. Jungle Bells is back at the San Diego Zoo. Celebrate the season with the animals as the zoo becomes a winter wonderland with strolling carolers and special holiday attractions for all. Only at the San Diego Zoo's Jungle Bells. Open most evenings through January 1st. Visit sandiegozoo.org for details. And check out our Facebook page for a chance to win tickets to experience our new 4D theater. My favorite instrument is the triangle. My favorite flavor is caramel. My favorite animal is the seahorse. My favorite word is undulating. My favorite parent is my mom. Sorry, Dad. My favorite McCafe drink? I can't pick just one. Come take a fresh look at McCafe's luscious beverages made just for you with real whipped cream, rich chocolate, and drizzled indulgently with caramel. Whether it's the new caramel hot chocolate or an iced or hot caramel mocha, stop in today to find your new favorite, the simple joy of caramel at participating McDonald's. Into this. What? You know what? You better sit down. But we're in an elevator. Trust me. Sit down. Fine. Ow. Oh, sorry. It's okay. It's back. What's back? It. You mean? Yep.
Awesome. Excuse me, what's back? McRib. Tender pork. Slathered and tangy barbecue sauce. Pickles. Onions. Toasted bun. I love McRib. Can I get your number? The McRib sandwich is back for a limited time. Just $2.79. Only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. Tis the season to win. Cox and Hornblower cruises and events are teaming up and giving away free seafarer passes while supplies last. All you have to do is log on to this station's website and enter for your chance to win. Also, you'll be automatically entered into the drawing for a free Sony Blu-ray disc player. Tis the season to win with Cox and Hornblower Cruises and Events. Sony Blu-ray given away at end of promotion on January 16, 2012. My robotic assistant Al and I have tested out the new Scion IQ. Scion IQ is the world's smallest four-seater. Scion IQ has 11 airbags. Scion IQ is better than Al. Get to your local Scion dealer and check out the new IQ starting at $15,995. Scion, what moves you? Size claim certified by AMCI Testing. Call 1-866-240-6684 for claim details. MSRP includes delivery, processing, and handling fee. Excludes taxes, title, license, and optional equipment. Dealer price will vary. M1 Bandit, are you there? There. Bandit, you called AIS. I sure did. I got fed up with my insurance carrier. They sent me a notice in the mail saying they were going to...
canceled me if I didn't renew membership. So I got on the phone, stepped up, called AIS. I saved $850 a year. That's the renter's insurance that I got for $94 a year with a $500 premium and a $25,000 coverage on that as well. How long had you heard me talking about AIS? Oh, God, over the past two years now? That's it, man. I mean, most people are just like you. They hear me talk about AIS, but it just takes a while before you go, you know what, I got to do it. Yeah, and I got to tell you, it was the best move I could have made. $850 a year is a huge savings to us, and I think like everybody else, we're tightening up our belts and trying to save money, and this is a great way to do it. They definitely saved me. 1-800-777-4247. Thank you, M1 Bandit. I appreciate it. Absolutely, Mikey. You guys have a great day. You too. This report, it's brought to you by Allstate. Call Allstate now. Get a free lifetime membership and good hands roadside assistance. Plus, you get a quote and your first toe is free. That's right, free. Shop less, get more, make one call to an Allstate agent. Well, it looks like we've got some backup here. Whoa.
On the 125 northbound, the 52 west connector, 12 miles an hour. Also, as you come down on the 125 southbound, the ramp from the 52 east and westbound, very slow this morning. An accident here, no injuries, though, on the 94 westbound past Home Avenue. And then you're going to find some delay on the 94 eastbound, 47th Street, down to about Federal Boulevard in the teens. This report brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers, Toyota owners. When it's time to service your Toyota, your best choice is your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Great price. This is service while you wait. Wi-Fi shuttle service. A whole lot more. I'm Stacy Cohen, FM 94.9. Anytime you're ready. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. I like watching guns and blowing stuff up. Woods. All I want is a crisp, sweet apple. That's it. And you can't find it. I can't find it. Every time I buy it, it goes, Lauren. I write bad reviews about them online. And Jay. She'll go on a girls trip and I'll go on like a surf trip or something. But. If I have a choice, I would rather be together. Whoa, what am I hearing? Now. On FM 94.9. Word of the day, jacket. Okay, so when I say jacket, when I weave that into a sentence between now and 10 o'clock, caller 9, I'll give you tickets to go see Chris Cornell. He's going to be at the Bobboa Theater on December 17. Welcome to existence. So we'll get to the Rosie O'Donnell thing. Hey, listen.
Takes brass balls. Which she certainly has. She has them. Literally. She holds them up. She literally has them. And she called David Letterman to task. And we got some audio of it coming up in just a second. But first, I don't know if you heard about that. I was disconnected this weekend, so I didn't hear about this crazy thing that had happened on Friday. But Los Angeles, Sunset and Vine, this nut job, 26 years old. Now, I'm caught between trying to figure out if I should say dude's name. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, why not? Tyler Brum. It's out there. Yeah, I know. I just was like, gosh, do I give this? I don't know. Tyler Brum. Dude's 26. Woodsy says that apparently it was all over a chick. Yeah, a four-year relationship with this girl, and it came to an end a couple weeks ago. And he had called her that day and said, I love you. I'm doing this. What a...
Weird, weird thing. Guy lost his mind. Yeah. So he took a handgun and he went and just started firing into vehicles. One of the vehicles was this gray Mercedes. And the guy that was in the Mercedes, nobody's died, by the way. Right. Except him. Except for him. The shooter. He turned it on himself? No, no, no. I'll get there. So multiple shots. To this guy in this Mercedes in the face and upper torso. So then the police come. They tell him to put down the weapon. He points it at him. They shoot him. But there was a, well, it says an officer involved shooting. So I guess that just means the cop took him out. Now, there's a dude named Christopher Johns. This dude lives in an apartment building.
Right by there, fourth floor. He's watching it all go down. In fact, he's filming it. And he's actually talking back and forth to this creep. And he's trying to distract him. And here's what the guy says he did. Listen to this. down there at point-blank range to the shooter were going to get shot, you know, they were kind of helpless to avoid being killed. You know, me, I'm four stories up. If I could take any of his attention and divert it towards me, you know, any gunshots that he would shoot at me, I would have an opportunity to get out of the way. Yeah, he was holding the gun kind of methodically and mechanically, kind of grazing around, looking for kind of... It looked like anything that was moving. And I'm screaming out anything I can. I told him that he was an angel sent from God to kill me. I said that was what his mission was. So I would stop at nothing to kind of get his attention. And luckily nobody died. I don't know if I could have done anything more. But I wasn't at any moment afraid of somehow being shot or killed or wounded. I was worried about the people on the street. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah, good for him, huh? Good job. That's thinking on your feet, pal. Yeah, it is.
I mean, that's a high-pressure situation, and the guy did a great job. He says at one point the shooter was asking him for ammunition and to call an ambulance. Oh, my gosh. Just a nut. Just a complete nut. I don't understand the psychology of turning on strangers when you've got a personal vendetta. What is that? I don't understand that. I think it's one of those guys that you read about those guys that do the suicide by cop. And they want to take people out with them to feel their pain that they're feeling. And instead of just turning the gun on himself in his apartment, he wanted to make a big spectacle of it and have the cops take him out. And they did. Yeah, they did. By the way, today is, is it today, the property tax deadline? Monday. Monday. Okay, so next Monday, let's see, Monday's the last day to make the first installment. I think this means today, though. No. Is it today's paper? I don't know. I don't know. It says Monday. I don't know. It's just a piece of paper. Monday is the last day to make the first installment of this fiscal year's property tax payments. Now, the reason that I sound so unsure of it is because my wife does everything like this. I don't know about this. This is grown up. That's grown up stuff right there. That's a big time. Well, yeah, this sounds like grown up stuff. I'm like property taxes. Oh, my dad. You know, it's today.
The 12th. Today. Better get on it. The deadline's usually December 10th, but since that fell on a Saturday, they gave you an extra couple days. Nice. Checks in the mail, as far as you know. I won't have to worry about it. Yeah, me neither. All the offices are going to be open today from 7 to 7. So they're going to open up in 20 minutes. They'll stay open until 7 tonight. So if you plan on paying online. Or on the phone, do it way before midnight to make sure your payment's on time. Yeah, grown-up stuff. I don't, you know, my wife takes care of it. Your wife's the grown-up? She's the grown-up. So she takes care of all the grown-up stuff. She wears the pants. No. She takes care of things. So pretty much she's in charge. No, she takes care of things. She's the head of the household. Right. They used to call her the head honcho. Yeah. No. The boss. The decision maker. The boss. She takes care of things. She's the boss. The mister. Yeah, she's the boss. She's the boss. Listen, Rosie O'Donnell had David Letterman on her show. Now, David Letterman's made fun of her for all kinds of different things. So she decided to do this. I was never making fun of you when you had sex with all your interns, Dave.
Oh, my God. I didn't do that. I didn't make fun of your rampant, throbbing heterosexuality, did I, Dave? No. But your workers call all the time and ask me to be a guest. Well, I think you should know, Dave. Here are the top five reasons why I will not do your program. Drum roll, please. Number five, Dave. When you had that heart surgery, you shouldn't have told the doctors to take out the whole thing. I remember when you had one, Dave. You were nicer then. Number four. Not only do you appear to be anti-gay, you're anti-tow truck driver, and that just pisses me off. Now, is he sitting there? Yeah, I don't hear a peep. There's no way. There can't be. Because he would say something, right? See...
I read it, and it sounded like he was there. There's no way. She's just saying it? Like, if he's sitting there, he's just got his hand over his face or, like, a bag over his head? Yeah. It must be, like you're saying, she's just saying it. She's just doing, yeah, on her show. There's no way. Oh, man. I bet he fires back, though. Of course. Guaranteed. Of course. It's pretty hardcore, though. Hey, it looks like there's some rain coming our way, man. I'm talking some rain, heavy rain coming our way. 570-1949 is our phone number. You want to text us, go ahead. The text is 949mikey at gmail.com. Let's play Name That Tune. What can we do as a prize here, Jay? That is a fantastic question. I believe we could do a Madden NFL 12 for the Nintendo.
We, the perfect gift for kids and adults of all ages. There you go. So if you want to win the we and the, if you want to win the we game Madden 12, call us now, 570-1949. We're going to play Name That Tune. What is the theme that we're playing here? Well, with it being Christmas and all, I have give and take. Songs that have give and take in them. Okay. I get it. Yeah, like Christmas gifts. You give them, you take them. Yeah. You know, so these are songs that have to do with give and take. Turn your buzzer on. Oh, yeah. I forgot. That's right. We have buzzers. We have to buzz in. Woods, in general, feels that he's cheated during this game. We have $500 buzzers. That's right. So we have $300 buzzers to make sure that Woods knows that we're not cheating. All right. We are ready to go, Jay. Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait. First, we have to pick our horses. People have to pick their horse. You've got to pick me, Woods, or L-O-B. M1 Ryan from Wildemar. Who do you want? You got it. Hang on. M1 Bruce from San Diego. Who do you want? I will take L-O-B. Yeah. It's a wise choice to take me last. I'll tell you why. I don't win often. But when I do, I win big. But I don't win often. I thought you win the same as, like, when I win. No.
No, I usually kill it, and I annihilate the competition when I win, but it only happens like once every year or two. Yeah, because it's something I know about. M1, hot for teacher from La Jolla, you got me, okay? All right, let's do it, Mike. All right, you got it. Hang on the line. I like the enthusiasm. Let's do this. All right, give and take. Here we go. Woods, the name of that band is freaking... Three. Super Tramp. Dang it. Yes. Dang it. Dang it. Yes. Yes. Dang it. Nicely done. Steely Dan was in my head. I was going to say Steppenwolf. It was making me insane. That's why I didn't buzz in. Steely Dan. Steely Dan. Here we go. Dang it. Woods. That's Red Hot Chili Peppers. Dang it. Dang it. Dang it. Give it away. I think my buzzer's broken. Dang it. See what I mean? Dang it. Dang it. Here we go. All right. I got it. Miguel. ZZ Top. Darn it.
Give it up. I'm sure you didn't know. Here we go. Weird. Mikey knows this. And it is. Madonna. Yeah. Dang it. We're going to continue. Just had to erase. Anybody? Does anybody know what that is? I want to guess the title, but I can't. Yeah. Give it up. Might it be give it up? It is not give it up, but I think I know what it is. Jay, can I take a guess at what it was? Yes. I think it was Wilson Phillips. Correct. And it is. Dang it! It is give it up. Dang it! Dang it! Should have put myself in the game. Should have put it. You got to take chances. Get in the game. Just open your heart. L.O.B. singing Wilson Phillips. I should have done it. Yes. This way inside. Hey, talker. Hey, talker. Hey, somebody's going to make you want to turn around and say goodbye. L.O.B. had had a couple of drinks. Seven. Seven. Ten.
Can we get some now? Oh, wow. Uh-huh. Yes. All right. Perry Tucker. Oh, my gosh. Let's interview them. Hey, Tucker. Forgot about the house. Perry Tucker. It's fantastic. I didn't even know the words to that one. What's the score, L.O.B.? The score is Mike zero, L.O.B. zero, Woods two. Doesn't Mike have negative one? No, he had one, and then he erased it. And away we go. Go ahead. I have no idea, but I think it's Big Head Todd. Big Hat Todd? Yeah. No? Hold on, L.O.B. S. There you go. It's Tracy Chapman! Dang it! Oh. Gosh! Yes! I was like, one note. Hey, we're getting a game going here. We got a game. Now, I have a point. Woods has a point. Mike has none. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Two upon two feet. Gosh darn it. L.O.B.? That is Ryan Adams. Woods! No! Woods! Go ahead. That's the Beatles.
It's John Lennon. It's John Lennon. Okay. I was going to say John Lennon. You don't know. Give peace a chance. Give peace a chance. Everybody talking about it. You know what I thought? Dang it. You think he'd really put a Ryan Adams song on that? Yeah. I panicked. You panicked. I saw the panic in your face. All right. And away we go. Is that Mikey? Yes. Yes. Go ahead, Mikey. Tell us what song. Who? Van Halen. Here we go. We'll continue. Go ahead. Blink 182. I am so mad at my stuff. Score LLB. It is Mike negative one. Me zero. Woods three. Here we go. I hit that thing. Go ahead, Lauren. The offspring. Twisted sister.
The new bit of just hitting your buzzer after you know the answer. We have to. We got to do it. We got to just keep smashing that thing. I just keep hitting when I hear notes, and I think when I get it, it doesn't work. All right. Here we go. I can't see the buzzer. It's Kesha. Nice. That's good. Okay, there's two remaining. Now I have zero points. Mikey has zero. I have negative one. Woods has four. So here's... Here is a four-pointer right here. Dang it. Woods, it takes two. Dang it! Dang it! Okay, so he's got eight points now, so this is a nine-pointer. We have to name the dance that Woods does. I call it the penguin. It's kind of like he's doing the centipede, but it's weirder. It's like a wave. It's like a wave. I don't know. Here's a nine-pointer. Oh, good. Nine-pointer. Nine-pointer. Here we go. Who got it?
Mike. Mike. Go ahead, Mike. Take on me. Effort. Well, so Mike, I guess. Oh, I won. You won. I won because I got the most points. That's right. That's BS. A four-pointer, then a nine-pointer. Hey, we should have a limit. There should be a limit. There should be a limit. It's getting ridiculous. There should be a limit. There should be a limit. Yeah, nine points is a limit. Why do you hate me? It's not that I hate you. Just trying to win for my guy, dude. Well. M1 Hop for Teacher from La Jolla. Mike Esparza. Hey, we should talk to my guy. Talk to my guy now. Thank you. Yeah, let's get Woods' guy on the line, too, because he's probably got something to say about this. M1 Ryan, I'm sorry. That is so weak. It's the weakest. It's the weakest. Hey, listen, I got more points. Yeah. The way it works. I don't know. You know what I mean? It's a category. It was a category. It was a category.
Sorry, Ryan. Sorry, Ryan. Sorry about that. But congratulations. M1 hot for teacher. That's clutch, Mike. That's clutch. It was very clutch. It's so tainted. I was able to pull that victory out. It came through in a clutch. There you go. So tainted. It kind of was, but... You take steroids. Yes, basically. Hey, by the way, Woods, is that guy that got tested positive, is he a big deal? Dude, he is a... Huge deal. What's his name? Ryan Braun. He's the MVP of the National League this year, and he has tested positive for a performance-enhancing drug. He is facing a 50-game suspension to start the season. I was heartbroken. I love the dude. I love him. And not only that, but, I mean, I heard that the guy was one of the good guys during all the testing. Like, he always came up clean and all that stuff. Yeah, he was part of that generation that has... that came up when they started testing in spring training and testing when they're in the minor leagues. He's in that generation. For him to test positive during the playoffs last year, then to know that he was positive, accept the MVP award. Oh, gosh. He was very vocal about Alex Rodriguez. When Alex Rodriguez tested positive, Ryan Braun said, listen, what this guy needs to do is just come out and be 100% honest, and then it'll die.
Well, now Ryan Braun's tested positive and they said it's from synthetic testosterone and his levels are, you know, through the roof. And I was floored, floored, floored, floored when I read this and very upset because I love that game so much. Do you know if he has made any kind of statement yet saying, well, here's what it is and you'll all find out? He said, quote, this is BS. And that was his quote. He goes, this is BS. And he said, there's extenuating circumstances that people don't know about. I'm looking forward to. Well, then that means, okay, well, if he says there's extenuating circumstance, that means he's acknowledging, oh, yeah, it was there, but you just have to understand the full story. Exactly. Oh, wow. Exactly. Yeah, he has not come out and said. there's no way this could be possible. It could be a pain shot. I know some of those pain shots, because I've gotten those before. It's a cocktail of things, and some of it has testosterone. See, these cats need to know what they're putting in their body, and there's a list of banned substances. He used to ban substances. And that's the thing they say, at least what I heard on ESPN, is that they said that it doesn't matter if it came from GNC.
Right. If it's on the list. Doesn't matter. You can't. You don't get a break. Right. I got a shot from my back, a sacroiliac joint injection. Doesn't matter. They told me, they're like, you don't want to be doing this a lot because it has steroids in it. Now, because they did that with you, L.O.B., that's why these guys are held to such a high accountability because doctors do that. Now, you're telling me that a professional baseball player goes to a doctor and the doctor. isn't going to say to a professional baseball player, hey, by the way, you know, this is, you know. This is the thing that I really started thinking about it. Beginning of the season, he signs a 10-year deal, you know, the bit, $200 million. 20 a year this guy's making in Milwaukee, small market. And he's the face of the franchise. He's really him. I'd say he and Aaron Rodgers are the faces of that city. And he's just a good all-around cat and plays hard. And I said it on the air last week when we had Heath Bell on. I said, look, every team needs somebody that you tell your kid, hey, we're going to the ballpark today to watch Heath Bell play or Adrian Gonzalez or Derek Cheater. And I said, or Ryan Braun in Milwaukee. He's that kind of dude. And when this thing came down Friday night, I mean, I almost fell out of my chair. My dad was calling me. I was calling my dad. I was talking to my friend in Texas. Well, dude, I mean.
Here's my question, Woodsy, because Woodsy is a baseball fanatic. Love her. My question is, how in any rational world, let's say worst case scenario, a needle in the butt with steroids in it, how in any rational world is this dude doing that in any rational world? I mean, they... Pressure? It's not like, I know, but wait a minute. Why? You're asking why he would do it? Is he thinking to himself... Maybe they won't find it. There's a lot of things, too. And listen, they don't test in a lot of things for growth hormone. And that could be it. It could also be, hey, Ryan, I got this thing. It's great. If you take it and then you take this, it'll mask it. Manny Ramirez, when he was suspended, he was suspended for taking something that women use, I believe.
I want to say during menopause to, like, tamper down hormones. But what that does is it masks steroids. Okay, so that's how Maniac caught. They saw it. They caught him for using a masking agent. Now, with Ryan, it's elevated levels of testosterone. So it's some sort of steroid or banned substance. The bottom line is he's banned, and he's probably going to have to sit out the first 50 games of next year, which is unbelievable. Yeah, that is a third of the baseball season. And unpaid, I'm guessing, right? Yeah, unpaid. Unpaid. Oh, my gosh. But, I mean, the guy has a $200 million guaranteed contract over the next 10 years, so can't feel too bad for him. But his name is forever etched in history with Alex Rodriguez, with Roger Clemens, all these Manny Ramirez, all these guys that did it. And you don't want to be on that list, man. You don't want to be on that list. Oh, my gosh. Literally, I was upset. Because I hate when that happens to my great game. Mikey Morning Quarterback is when we pit L.O.B. up against Jay. We're going to play Mikey Morning Quarterback when we come back. You can call us and pick Team L.O.B. or Team Jay. And also, I'm going to tell you, what is the world's fastest rising fear? Think about it. I'll tell you the answer next.
Text them at 949mikey at gmail.com. More from The Mikey Show coming up. On FM 94.9. The season of sharing is here, and we're giving back by inviting you to Kearney Mesa Subaru's Share the Love event. We'll give you discounts on your favorite Subarus, which means you're sure to love the prices. Lease a new 2012 Subaru Forester 2.5X automatic for $149 per month plus tax. Get alloy wheels, roof rails, Bluetooth kit, and auto-dim mirror with Homelink, all for just $149 per month. Combine that with high MPGs and low APRs, and you can stay big at Kearney Mesa. We have a great selection. Plus, we're San Diego's number one volume certified pre-owned Subaru dealer. And we're centrally located on Convoy Street in Kearney Mesa. Don't miss the Kearney Mesa Subaru. Share the love event going on now. It just makes sense. Just minutes from anywhere in San Diego. Or visit sandiegosubarudealer.com. A Sunrow dealership. 2012 Forrester. This model CFD is for 42 months with 10,000 miles per year. With 15 cents per mile. They're entering 6,000 to 50. Do at least signing. No security deposit. Unapproved above average credit. One of his payment. Big 40. 32.
That's the sound of a fuse burning. As long as it's burning, there's still time to get to the BMW Mission to Drive sales event on now at your local BMW center. While you can, take advantage of an up to $2,500 credit toward a new BMW. Hmm, those are real sparks. Test drive any model from the legendary lineup, including the all-new 6 series, featured in the new movie Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol. in theaters this December. Technologically advanced and fuel efficient, every BMW earns the title The Ultimate Driving Machine. That fuse is burning down remarkably fast. Take advantage of this immediately as the $2,500 credit will soon self-destruct. There. I made it with two inches of fuse to spare. Don't cut it that close. Come in today. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to attend the BMW Mission to Drive sales event this weekend.
See your San Diego County BMW Center for details. Gonna go to Postal Annex. Gonna wrap my holidays up. Color printing. Brochures, flyers. Documents copied. Documents bound. I take a passport photo. Fax a message. Check my mail. Notarize it. Laminate it. Find it. Mail it. Dun, dun, dun. Why drive all over town this holiday season? Or get locked into one choice for shipping. Wrap it up with one stop at your neighborhood Postal Annex. Save gas. Save time. Save money. Mail the cards. Pack the presents. Ship the gifts. I'm all done. Postal Annex. The sound of business. Compare FedEx, UPS, and postal rates for your best option. Postal Annex. End one. End two. End a jingle.
Good effort there, Tembo, but I think the kids are sounding just fine on their own. Okay, thanks for trying, though. Okay, and one, and two, and here we go. All righty, Tembo, you win. Let's take it from the top again, everybody, but this time let's do it the elephant's way. And one, and two. Jungle Bells is back at the San Diego Zoo. Celebrate the season with the animals as the zoo becomes a winter wonderland with strolling carolers and special holiday attractions for all. Only at the San Diego Zoo's Jungle Bells. Open most evenings through January 1st. Visit sandiegozoo.org for details. Coca-Cola is proud to be the official beverage sponsor of the San Diego Zoo. Hey, this is L.O.B., and it's December, and that means what, Woodsy? It's time to get your holiday shopping done now. You've got to give the gift of great hair like ours. Oh, yeah, I've got. if I do say so myself, fabulous hair. Yeah, I've been using the Men's Max Pack, and I started using Ovation because I saw how amazing my wife Jamie's hair looked. It looked incredible. Well, not to mention my hair, which I come in here every morning just flaunting it about. Yes. Smells delicious. Smells amazing. And L.O.B., it's longer than it's ever been. It is actually longer than it's ever been. Right now is the best time for you to try Ovation because not only is it a really good price that they have going on for their holiday gift set,
But if you enter FM 949 at checkout, you're going to get a special introductory discount. We got a message that they are almost out of this holiday gift pack. They're almost sold out. You need to get in there now. So go to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. You're going to get that special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout for your special introductory discount. Vons knows this is the time for celebration. And you can make every occasion even more of a celebration with Safeway Select Gourmet Appetizers. Your guests will agree. These are amazing. Serve caramelized onion and gorgonzola pastry pops. golden flaky chicken pesto treasures, and crispy crab rangoons that rival your favorite Thai restaurants. There are over 20 delectable Safeway Select appetizers. And now when you buy any three with Vons Club, you'll save $3 instantly. With Safeway Select appetizers, it's so easy. They're ready to enjoy in minutes, giving you time to have a good time. And don't miss other fantastic Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Top Round London Royal is only $2.27 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack.
Hothouse English cucumbers are 10 for only $10. And save $2 when you mix and match snack crackers. Just buy any four or more boxes in a single transaction with Vons Club. Choose from Wheat Thins, Ritz, and many more. At Vons, we'll help you make the holidays just as merry as can be. Vons, ingredients for life. This report, it's brought to you by Napa. This December, hurry into any participating Napa Auto Parts store. Get 57% off the Crescent brand 128-piece tool gift set. It's on sale for just $49.99. See your store for details. A little bit of slowing here on the 8 eastbound of the 15 north connector because somebody's walking around in the middle of the freeway. Also, the 8 westbound before the 805 northbound, we've got something in the middle of the road and a car that's stalled here on the 805 northbound. right before La Jolla Village Drive. This report also brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. Toyota owners, when it's time to service your Toyota, your best choice is your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Great prices, service while you wait, Wi-Fi shuttle service, and more. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. Hey, I'm Stacey. This is The Mikey Show with Mikey. When I was in high school, I never made love with a girl.
Woods. That is what heaven is. In my mind. I get up to heaven and I'm like, oh my God, it's a Krispy Kreme. Lauren. My butt doesn't go straight down. Sticks out. You know, junk in the trunk. In the trunk. And Jay. I tell you, Kim got me on the organic ketchup and then I went back to the Heinz. This is The Mikey Show on FM 94.9. Hey, listen, it is going to pour rain. I'm not talking like a little bit of rain. I mean, it is going to pour rain. Cats and dogs. Cats and dogs. They were showing the satellite image just a minute ago, and the satellite image was just red, just all red over the entire county. I mean, and I know we make a big deal out of rain, but when it gets real rainy. You just got to drive safe and be careful. Red is severe, right? It's heavy rain. Heavy, heavy rain. Heavy, heavy rain. Now, this is also making headlines right now. The Occupy movement, first of all, LOE was saying they're trying to make their big last big push. Yep, last hurrah. And so listen to what's going on. Listen to this.
Happening right now in San Diego, you're looking at live pictures of protesters with the Occupy Wall Street movement. Here in San Diego, it's part of a larger movement at ports up and down the west coast on the island of Maui, as well as up in Anchorage as well. But here in San Diego, we're hearing reports of about 200 people in this group right here. Blocking the entrance to the port to try and send a message as part of their ongoing message of Wall Street greed. It's a story that we're keeping on top of and we'll keep you informed on throughout the morning. That is so stupid to me. They're blocking the port. Can somebody call and explain that, by the way? It's a metaphor for blocking big business. It's just the port. It's the port that delivers goods from big businesses. Yes. Is that the point? I don't know. And cruise ships. Cruise ships. But you guys use a lot of those goods that are delivered. I don't use a single one. All the things I use are local. But why then, because of some of your demonstrations, have local businesses had to shut down? And by the way, you're holding an umbrella because it's raining, and that was probably made in China. China, San Diego. China, San Diego. Yes, it's by El Cajon. Yes. There's China, El Cajon.
Lemon Grove. Actually, it's Lemon Grove China. And then El Cajon. Yeah, please. I'd like to hear this one myself. 570-1949. If you get it, there's a bunch of dopes out there blocking the port. They could be very nice people. Well, they're dopes. They could be nice people. They could also be dopes at the same time. I think that is the dopiest thing in the world. This whole concept of I should be at the same thing that you are. Yes. That slays me. Did you notice what a lot of the girls that were there were wearing those UGG boots? They're about $400 a pop. Seriously. Yeah. I just saw it. They're like $400. They're bugs. They're fake. I really believe that part of it is that years later they want to be able to go, you know what I did when I was 23? Right. I'm sure.
I was a part of the Occupy movement. I probably would have done it when I was in college. I probably would have joined the Occupy movement because, I mean, I loved to do drugs when I was in college. That's where I would have been. Just baked out of my tree. Maybe you would have, except that... I know you. You had a job. I did. I was bartending. So you wouldn't be able to go to the Occupy movement because you had to do your shift. Yeah. Kid had to close business, too. It was very important back then. I wouldn't blow off my job, but I would have blown off class. Yes. See what was going on. I think part of it is there's so much unemployment out there. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, really? So it's that they're unemployed. A lot of them are. And they're out there. Well, maybe some of them are. But the thing that I don't get about it is like, well, you know. We should have, we deserve, you don't deserve anything. You don't deserve anything unless you've earned it. If you earn it, you deserve it. But why would you, why should something be given to you? We, there shouldn't be 1%. We should be equal. Well, okay, then do this. The next time you're able to catch a 40-yard touchdown pass, then you've earned it.
Aren't they talking about, though, the fact that our economy is so messed up because of what happened with the banks? I mean, that's a bigger part of this whole issue. Yeah, it's a big part of it. A lot of those people were able to buy homes. Well, a lot of those people were not. when they were giving away mortgages to anybody, a lot of those people were able to buy homes. I believe it's the fact that we bailed out the banks and then the banks didn't change any of their policies. And the banks are still foreclosing on people. Oh, I don't disagree that the banks are a bunch of clowns. So that's what they're doing. They didn't change any of their rules or regulations. Blocking ports, though, and disrupting small business because they are. And subways. They were blocking subways in New York. Yeah, I mean, come on. I think the port is saying there's no way it could be disrupting a small business. business because it's if you're getting stuff that's important and it worked it got the attention of the news cameras all came out you know they got their point across m1 sciences from carlsbad is going to tell us uh a lot about the occupy movement in just a second but uh what's what's going on with monday night football well tonight uh i don't know too many people that have a vested interest in this game but it's the seattle seahawks against the st louis rams oh wow um i'll be watching intently as i'm uh
locked in a fantasy football battle right now. But other than that? Other than that, that's pretty much, unless you live in St. Louis, Seattle, or have guys going in your fantasy team, the only reason to watch this game. That's right. So Sam Bradford is hurt. Backup A.J. Feeley is also hurt for the Rams. Tom Brandstatter. We'll be getting his first NFL. Tom Branstetter will be starting tonight. Yeah, the Seahawks beat the Rams earlier in the year, 24-7 in St. Louis. And the Seahawks are actually playing a little bit better. So we'll see how that goes. Also, I saw this weekend my Twitter was blowing up about this gentleman, John Jones, in the MMA. He beat Lyoto Machida. Lyoto Machida. And actually choked him unconscious. Lyoto, I know this. Lyoto in that first round. It looked like Leota was going to take care of business, but not so much. This guy, John Jones, I was looking at pictures of him. He is a specimen. So he is now 15-1. He choked him unconscious with 34 seconds left in the second round to win in Canada. By the way, before I went to break, I said, what is the fastest growing fear? What's the world's fastest growing fear? Unemployment. Sure. Unemployment is the world's fastest growing fear.
There's no doubt. There is no doubt. And no one's safe from it. Everyone has got, you know, this thing that says our economy's bad. Who knows what can happen? Plus, there's a crisis in Europe. Now, there's people calling in. They're going to tell me about it. And before we take any calls, I'll even say I want to make clear. I want to make sure that I say this. I agree that banks are messed up. I mean, who doesn't? The banks are messed up. making money hand over fist and with a bunch of stupid stuff, man. They need to be called to task for it. And so demonstrations, hey man, I got no problem with it. It's our God-given right to be able to protest and stuff like that. Here's what I have a problem with. Dudes that are out there baked. Dudes that are out there and they're getting in the way and Woodsy was telling me about the story where this small business was affected because of these clowns. getting in front of ports where who knows what's on those ships? What if there's medicine on those ships? You never know. What if there's medicine on those ships? They don't know. M1, cave dweller from Wisconsin, I know you're going to know something about this. Howdy, guys. How's it going? Good. The protesters down at the port, their whole bit is that American business and capitalism itself,
is kind of part of the problem. And to a certain degree, I kind of agree with them. I happen to be an advocate of capitalism, although well-regulated capitalism. As far as medicine and stuff being on the ships, we don't get medicine from China. Yeah, we get medicine. Here's the deal, though, bro. It's not like every single medication that is made in America, or every single medication is made in America, is it? Everything? The ones, generally the ones we use, I mean, people can't even get medications from Canada. What about Lipitor? I'm just kidding. They have to be approved by the FDA, so. Well, being approved by the FDA doesn't mean it can't be made somewhere else. I mean, it could be made somewhere else and we approve it. But these companies generally hold patents.
Dude, you know what it is. Go ahead. It feels like like I read an article last week about them now going into foreclosed homes. OK, and they are moving people that have been foreclosed on. They're moving them back into their homes and they're saying to the banks, you know, F you, man, you can't foreclose on me. I know I didn't pay my mortgage, but you can't. Well, they're also putting people that are homeless in. Yeah, and they're putting homeless people. It just seems, as I've said from day one. a bit muddled as far as their intention. And unlawful. And unlawful, yeah, very unlawful. Yeah, and one thing you've got to understand about this whole movement is it's so incredibly inclusive that you're going to wind up with some wackos. Oh, sure. But I think it just seems like overall it's wackos, dude. It seems like overall they don't have kind of a, you know, listen, in the 60s it was, hey, Get our boys out of Vietnam. Yes. Get Nixon out of the White House and get our boys back from Vietnam, period. End the war. And there was like a clear, there was a clear cut. There were nut jobs back then, too. And there was a very clear cut agenda. Oh, yeah, absolutely. The agenda was bring our boys, bring our boys home. No more war. Get him out of the White House. That's a clear cut agenda. What we have now.
Isn't anything like that? I stopped paying attention to it. It's still huge, though. I know, but because the message was too convoluted for me, it was like I couldn't even... I didn't have time to read pages and pages of why I should get behind it. I was like, I'll wait until you guys do something big again. Not only that, L.O.B. has to come to work. She's like, I got a job. Get up at 3.30. I got to drag my ass into work every day. Anyway, Cave Dweller, I appreciate that. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Okay, real quick. I was able to dig this up after like 10 minutes. The major idea behind Occupy is that the money that corporations are making, they're using to influence politicians. And we all know it. It's just that now that people are finally getting sick of it, because think of how many trillions of dollars we used to bail out corporate America. It's ridiculous. But now there's like rampant unemployment. Right. And no one's really helping out with that. You know, Congress has been deadlocked for months on everything. Dude, I agree. I agree. And I think that if people are out there and they got a clear-cut message and that's what the message is, hey, man, all for it.
I just, you know, blocking ports and stuff like that. And subways. And subways. I just, dude, come on, man. Listen, LOB made a good point last week. We were talking about when they were occupying these foreclosed houses in LOB. And I was, you know, I lean more to the side of, hey, man, guy didn't pay his freaking bills. He's out on the street. I mean, that's how it works. But LOB goes, look. They bailed out the banks that made all these mistakes. They're not bailing out the American, you know, Joe American. And I get that. And that makes my heart hurt because I'm a human being, man, and I care about the human being. That's the only part of this movement. The people, I know it's sort of like a subdivision that I can get behind, even though it's unlawful. It's a sort of vigilante, sort of like Robin Hood type thing to be like, hey. Why does the bank get to own this house? Why don't you guys have to pay back that money if the people that can't make their mortgage payments can't pay back their money? I don't believe that it was right that we had to bail out those banks, and we did have to, to the tune of $700 million. More than that. Was it 700 bill? Something crazy. Anyway, it was wrong. It was wrong that we had to do that. But I also think that it's wrong.
To move people back into a foreclosed house, I don't think that's right either. They're giving people what they believe is a basic human right, which is a roof over your head, which should be a basic human right. There shouldn't be people on the street. They could also at least refinance the home at a decent rate. I mean, that's the problem is they'll leave them hanging at this super high rate where they could refinance at the rate that everything's at right now. And I think that it's awesome if people get together and say to the banks, listen, what you're doing is... is greedy and disgusting i'm totally for that but what i don't think is is it a basic now is it a basic human right for everyone to have a roof over their head yeah um food shelter and clothing i believe should be basic human rights okay now that means that we go to a socialistic government we got to become socialist if that's the deal completely you can have private entities that step up and do that stuff it doesn't have to be government regulated it can be Charities, churches, you know, different organizations. They do. I mean, they do. But I guess my point is, is that nobody's, this is the basic difference between a conservative and a liberal point of view. There's no conservative that says, I'm for people not having a roof over their head. Right. No one does. Nobody. No one is for that. Right. You don't want somebody to not have a roof over their head.
I guess the deal is, is that you look at the nuts and bolts and you say, how do we do this? How do we do this? What I don't think is right is like Wood said, you can't just go, I'm going to stick somebody in this foreclosed on house. That's just. It's illegal. It's wrong. Yeah, it is. It's just wrong. It's illegal and it's wrong, but at least there's no malice behind it. What the banks are doing, there's malice behind it. There's no feeling. I agree with you. There's no feeling. I agree. I think LOB is 100% right in that fact. And I was asking myself, what's the fundamental issue that I have? Here's the fundamental issue. There is so much of the Occupy movement where this one thing is a component that drives me a little bit batty. And that component is... Give me mine. I want mine. I want mine. You got yours, so I want mine. And the thing that kills me about it is that it screams of that trophy generation. No matter what you do, you get a trophy. Whereas when I was growing up, the deal was, no, you don't just get it because you get it. You pay your dues. You pay your dues, then you get it. Look, we got an M1 that runs an IHOP here.
Yeah. And he wrote on our page and he asked me, can I put that on your page? I said, hell yeah, dude. You guys are hiring. They're hiring in droves. He's like, yeah, we're hiring a bunch of different locations. Nobody responded. Really? Yeah. Nobody responded. I said, dude, you post it and post it until, you know, hopefully you get something out of it because people need gigs right now. And I'll tell you what, if I didn't have a gig and I needed to pay the bills, my ass would be working at IHOP, period. And you know what, man? I heard. Yeah, it would. And I heard this. I heard. From some business owners in La Jolla. They love to hire foreign exchange students. Do you know why? Jay, take a guess as to why they like to hire foreign exchange students. Because they work harder. You got it. Well, and they work. Like, they actually work. Woods told me this story. Now, this isn't everybody, honestly. We know that it isn't everybody. In fact, we know some... Damn hardworking Americans. In fact, most of you listening right now are hardworking Americans. And I know that. I believe it. It's coming from my guts and my soul, and I believe it. However, there is another element. And the element is like what Woods was telling me before we went on the air today. So Woods had a heating problem, right? This will get you. This will get you. This will get you. And when Woods tells you the story, you're going to go, I can relate because I...
Bet you've experienced it yourself. Go ahead, Woods. So our heater in our house doesn't work. Now, we have a rental house, so I don't have to handle any of this stuff on my own. I call the property management company. They send somebody out. So I have bronchitis. I got a sinus infection, and I'm dying, and I'm freezing cold. I got a tiny space heater in my room blowing hot air on me. And I'm like, I got to get my heater fixed. I'm shivering. So we make the call. She says, okay, I'm going to send somebody out tomorrow. This is Friday. The guy calls me. He's supposed to be there at noon. He calls me at 12.15. He goes, this is verbatim. Hey, man, what kind of furnace do you have? And I go, I don't know. I don't know. It's in a crawl space in my bedroom. And it needs to work. I need heat. I don't think I know how to do that. I'm like, but you haven't seen it yet. He goes, well, I think. It's like if it's an old one, it's probably the thermocoupler. And, like, I don't do that. Like, I don't know how to do it. And I go, well, what do you want me to do about it? I need heat. You work for the freaking heating company. And I'm getting a little upset. And he goes, dude, like, I want to work. But, like, I don't want to waste my time. And, like, if I come out there and, like, I can't do it, then I, like, waste my time. And I'm like, but you work.
You do heaters. Like, you're a heating guy. And he goes, I don't know, man. Like, I've got a friend, and he might know about some thermocoppler. Oh, my gosh. And I, like, had the phone away from my ear, and I cursed, and I just hung up the phone. And I called the property management company back. I go, look, we pay an ass load of money for rent here. I said, I got to have heat on in this place. She sent another dude out. Guy crawled up in there. He was up there for four hours. Fix what needed to be fixed. And we have heat. And there are people that are hardworking people. It's 730 on a Friday. His old lady's calling him. And he's like, babe, I'm in a crawl space. I cannot talk right now. Yesterday, I went into a grocery store, which will remain unnamed. And there was 950,000 people in there. I mean, it was packed. Lines like you could not. I was blown away. I couldn't believe the lines. And I went to the grocery store to get some apple cider because my bit at Christmas is I like to put the apple cider on the stove with some cinnamon on there. And I like it to smell up the house and the kids to know it. So I took Jake with me. My son's autistic. One of his deals is lines. Okay. He can't do the lines because of the autism.
And so we're standing in one of these ginormous lines, and they're not opening up another cash register. And it's like, you're sitting there, you're going, no, come on, come on, come on, come on. Turn that light on. And so guess what? In line with me is a girl that works at the grocery store eating some potato chips out of a potato chip bag. She's on her break. And she's in line with us because she's waiting to pay for her potato chips. And Isaac walked by. How do I know? Because she said, hey, Isaac, you should tell so-and-so to open one of these. Just like that. And Isaac goes like this. I'm going to make you wait. Like, to her. I'm going to make you wait. And this lady goes, this lady that's standing there, she goes, what about us? Oh, boy.
And so he keeps saying, be different, be different, be different, right? Be different, be different. So he kept walking and I go, Isaac? Isaac? And they're laughing. They're dying laughing. And I'm doing it to be funny. I'm not being a jerk. I'm a comedian, everybody. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. I'm a professional comic. Isaac! Can you? Get somebody to open up a lane. Did he? No. No. Isaac, come on. I know. I know. Come on, Isaac. It was just, you know. Go the extra mile, pal. Go the extra mile. And they probably can't afford to pay all the checkers because they've got all the self-checkouts now. No, they don't. Either that, either that, Jay, or sometimes people are just lazy and not into it. How many times do you just get that situation where you're like,
Can you help me? Please help me. Please help me. Now, Jay's the opposite, man. Jay is a do-it guy. I'll do it. Jay's a do-it guy. Let's do it. Let's do it. Now, what do you think about it? I understand. I totally understand. Our phone lines are blowing up about it. 570-1949. I promise we will play Mikey Morning Quarterback. We got a couple of people on the line that want to play that. People are calling about the Occupy movement because they are down there right now in the rain trying to block the ports of San Diego. And the Incorporator is coming up next as well. Screw loose to go in for that sort of thing. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. I got the world on a tail. More of the Mikey Show coming up in minutes. Yeah, boy! On FM 94.9. Good day, drivers.
As we speak, a world-renowned group of performance specialists are preparing to launch an event of epic proportions. Your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to take full advantage of the situation. Codename the BMW Mission to Drive sales event. Once there, test drive any new BMW from the legendary lineup, including the all-new 6 Series, featured in the new movie Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, in theaters this December. For a short period of time, you'll have access to an up to $2,500 credit toward a new 2012 BMW. Gather all intel about the cutting-edge, fuel-efficient vehicles that BMW engineers. Then drop into the BMW Mission to Drive sales event at your local BMW center today. Use of a zipline is optional. But move on this immediately, as the $2,500 credit will soon self-destruct. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to attend the BMW Mission to Drive sales event this weekend. See your San Diego County BMW center for details. a two, and a jingle bell. Good effort there, Tembo, but I think the kids are sounding just fine on their own. Okay, thanks for trying, though. Okay, and a one, and a two, and a here we go. Jingle bell. Hot. Alrighty, Tembo, you win. Let's take it from the top again, everybody, but this time, let's do it the elephant's way. And a one, and a two, and a jingle.
Jungle Bells is back at the San Diego Zoo. Celebrate the season with the animals as the zoo becomes a winter wonderland with strolling carolers and special holiday attractions for all. Only at the San Diego Zoo's Jungle Bells. Open most evenings through January 1st. Visit sandiegozoo.org for details. And check out our Facebook page for a chance to win tickets to experience our new 4D theater. My favorite instrument is the triangle. My favorite flavor is caramel. My favorite animal is the seahorse. My favorite word is undulating. My favorite parent is my mom. Sorry, Dad. My favorite McCafe drink? I can't pick just one. Come take a fresh look at McCafe's luscious beverages made just for you with real whipped cream, rich chocolate, and drizzled indulgently with caramel. Whether it's the new caramel hot chocolate or an iced or hot caramel mocha, stop in today to find your new favorite, the simple joy of caramel at participating McDonald's. Listen to this. What? You know what? You better sit down. But we're in an elevator. Trust me. Sit down. Fine. Ow. Oh, sorry. It's okay. It's back. What's back? It.
You mean? Yep. Awesome. Excuse me, what's back? McRib. Tender pork. Slathered and tangy barbecue sauce. Pickles. Onions. Toasted bun. I love McRib. Can I get your number? The McRib sandwich is back for a limited time. Just $2.79. Only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. It's the holidays. 1939. Life is slower. Times are simpler. Stores don't put up their Christmas displays in September. People have conversations instead of cell phones. You only have to juggle if you're in the circus. It's the holidays, 1939. And a new family business named Dietz & Watson is about to spend 72 years preparing your holiday party. The one you're planning right now in 2011, they've been perfecting over four generations. Dietz & Watson's premium meats and artisan cheeses, like London broil roast beef, are full of juicy, natural flavor. Their party trays and holiday hams make holiday hosting easy. The recipes are from a simpler time. That's why they're simply delicious.
Dietz and Watson, since 1939. Insist on us for your premium party trades and holiday hams. And happy hosting days to you and yours. An AT&T phone or tablet is the perfect gift. And the AT&T holiday sale is the best time to get one. I mean, who doesn't like sending photos or downloading HD videos on the go? When you give someone a phone or tablet, they think, wow, this person really gets me. Suddenly, the two of you are bonded in a special warm way that will really come in handy when, say, you need someone to watch your cat, mojo, or move a couch up a spiral staircase. Come to the AT&T Holiday Sale, and remember, you're not just getting a great deal on a phone or tablet, you're getting someone who will help repave your driveway. AT&T. Rethink possible. Come in and save on the perfect gift from AT&T, like the Samsung Galaxy S2 4G smartphone, for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 for $479.99. Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 requires a two-year agreement with minimum $35 monthly data plan. Samsung Galaxy S2 is free with a two-year voice agreement and minimum $15 monthly data plan. Other charges and restrictions apply. Visit att.com or store for details. You can get in line or charge ahead. Blend in or break through. Settle or unleash. If you believe in challenging the status quo instead of accepting it,
then your car is waiting. Infiniti. With more daring designs, more powerful engines, and world's firsts, like a round view monitor and blind spot intervention system, Infiniti challenges everything a luxury car can be. Consider this your cry of defiance. Infiniti. Inspired performance. Infiniti is also challenging what a lease offer can be. At the Limited Engagement Winter Event, take the 2012 G25 sedan. Just $2.99 a month for 39 months with $32.98 initial payment due at signing. Tax, title, license, and options extra. For lease details, call 800-545-8849 or visit infinityusa.com. Offer ends January 3rd. See retailer for details. Shop now and save 30% on men's, women's, and kids' clearance clothing and footwear at REI. It's like we're starting to see a little bit effect of this rain that's coming down in certain parts of the area. An accident here on the 163 northbound at Washington Street. We do have tow trucks on the way. Another one on the 163 northbound of the 8 connector.
Another one here on the 15 southbound Balboa Avenue. Doesn't look like any major injuries in any of these just yet, thankfully. And the 8 westbound to the 805 northbound connector. We do have a car stuck in the middle of the road. This report brought to you by Jiffy Lube. Hurry in before the year end. You can save $25 on any oil change, tire rotation, and wiper blades. Plus save up to $20 on your second oil change with a mail-in offer when you upgrade to Pennzoil Synthetic Motor Oil. Jiffy Lube. Keep my ride alive. Participating Jiffy Lube stores only. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9. It's time for the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report. Good morning to you. This is Bert, Bert Sershed with the FM 94.9 Authentic Surf Report for a Monday morning being brought to you by Grom Bomb. Fresh new energy drink out there. It's kind of good for you, so check it out. Nice stuff, tasty too. Surf-wise, overall today, looking at a decrease in that southwest-west-burf-west swell combination, slowly tapering off and being affected by that mega-high tide that we're heading towards later in the morning. Also, we've got a low-pressure system moving down upon us now, giving us cloudy skies, some scattered rain pockets, and some south-south easterly winds. So conditions are kind of side-offshore for the moment. Broken up and a little bit shifty at the beach breaks, but more rideable than the reefs that are being affected by that higher tide right now.
Have to keep an eye on which way this wind's going to blow. But it looks like there'll be some kind of rideable surf. Just have to pick your right spot and your right tide and go out and do it. For up to the mid surf reports forecast, go to surfline.com. And for all your surfboard repair and restoration needs, especially before holiday time, go see Joe Roper down on Marina Boulevard. Tell him Bird sent you. The authentic surf report can be heard three times daily right here on FM 94.9. This has been the FM 94.9 authentic surf report. Now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. When I used to be on the radio and my name was Michael Shannon. And I wore suspenders. Woods. Don't lie to me, dude. You lie to girl, okay? You don't lie to me. Lauren. Yellow means speed up. Yep. Yellow means hurry up and go. And Jay. So what if I like to surf every day? On FM 94.9. Word of the day is jacket. I'll weave it into a sentence between now and 10. And when I do, caller 9, I'll give you tickets to go see Chris Cornell.
Jared at createyourdesignonline.com is unbelievable. If you need graphic design done, you've got to get a hold of Jared. There's nobody else that should even be doing it. He just whipped up a Christmas card for me. Of course. In about an hour. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, unbelievable. And I bet it's awesome. Oh, it's so cool. Dude, he made boat decals for my dad. It's fantastic. Okay, he's phenomenal. It's fantastic. And he's having them printed for me by tomorrow. Guy's awesome. It's beastly. Create your design online. Did you guys see the freak out with Tom Brady? Yeah, it was awesome. So Tom Brady throws a pass into the end zone, gets picked off. They go to the sideline. Tom Brady's chewing out the receiver and telling him, go get it. Yeah, go get it. Well, one of the coaches, the offensive coach, I don't know if he's like the receiver's coach or who he is. He's the quarterback's coach. Quarterback's coach? I think he's one of his quarterback coaches.
starts jawing back at Brady like, hey, own it. You threw a pick. Yeah, it ain't on him. It's on you. You threw that crap pass. And so they get into a expletive-laden tirade with one another. This is awesome. Brady screaming. ESPN had to digitize out Brady's lips because it was that bad. And the assistant coach. whips off his headset, and they are screaming at each other. And finally, players have to come between them. And it's fight or flight. It's one of those deals where this assistant coach, the spring has broke. Yeah, he's lost. It's gone. It's not. Yeah. His marbles. They're rolling. They're rolling everywhere. And you lost them, and you can't get them back. Once you lose your marbles, they're gone. Yeah, I've been there. I wonder how far into the game that was. How did you recover? I think it was the fourth quarter. But after the game, Brady goes, look, that's on me. He said, that's on me. He goes, that's on me. It ain't his fault. It's my fault. Which is rad. Which is rad. You could do that because you're Tom Brady. I didn't think Tom Brady was capable of saying a curse word. I didn't think it would leave his angelic lips. I know it. I'm sure. I am sure.
That it's been years since somebody has gotten in his grill. And I mean years. Do you think that Cherubim flew down from the heavens and dabbed away his tears? Yeah. Yes. They just came down and they dab, dab, dab. Chubby cheeks. And then he does the press conferences afterwards. He looks like he's a GQ model. Just giving a debrief. It looks like. Dolce & Gabbana just released a new fragrance. He's like, yeah, on the runway today, I just don't know what I had. Yeah, then he gets in his Maserati, and he drives home, and he walks in, and there's a 36 waiting for him when he gets home. Giselle. Giselle. Yeah. Giselle. He's married to Giselle. Giselle. Mm-hmm. What's that like? It's like being married to Giselle. Yeah. Yeah. Just coming home, just fresh off a wind, another wind. Hey, it's like this. If Tom Brady ever were to say something negative about a friend's wife, the friend can't say, hey, dude, it's not like you're married to just... Oh. Well... Well, he does have to listen to her. That is a true statement. The only downside to Tom Brady's entire life. If she was mute, she'd be perfect. Or just a better voice. I've never heard her. I'll go with mute. Never heard her. Oh, it's a beating. It's a beating. Yeah. Yeah.
5701949 if you would like to give us some words for the incorporator. What is the incorporator, you ask? Only the greatest thing in the world. It's Woodsy having to incorporate words into a conversation that he's going to have when we call. Now, remember this. The person on the phone cannot hear me feeding Woods words. The person on the phone can only hear Woods. For instance, I'll say to Woods, gorilla. And Woods will have to work the word gorilla into his conversation. Perhaps I say to Woods, printer. He's got to work the word printer into the conversation. So call us right now with words. 570-1949. And when you call with these words, don't give us shamalama blah blah. Don't say that, you know, because.
That's not something that he's going to weave in. You know, just try to think of creative nouns. Is it? You know, that'll do. 570-1949. It's a unique talent that Woods cultivated while he was working as a salesperson. You know, all the guys were in the cubicle. Picture office space. All these guys are here in the cubicle. And to entertain themselves, this is what they would do. They would walk up to each other while the other was on the phone. And they would just say it with a bucket. You know, and the guy would have to do that. Teletubby. Teletubby. Teletubby. And the guy would have to weave Teletubby into a sentence without the person going, excuse me? Pardon me? Yeah, straight faced and just do it. Yes. We're going to be calling A1 Pets, Woods. Yes, pet store. We're going to be calling A1 Pets. Nicole is taking the calls right now and getting words. And once she has the words gathered. We'll have Woods leave the room so he doesn't know what they are. I always give him the first. Yep. And then he's got to take it from there. Do eight words. Yep. We'll do eight words. It is going to rain? Yes. It's raining men, I heard. Hallelujah. That's what I heard is happening. My wife says it's pouring in Encinitas right now. Oh, man. It's a good day for a movie. Oh, my gosh. Everything's a good day for a movie. Oh, Jay, you would be so...
So proud of me. Uh-oh. What'd you do? You would be so proud of me. We have a fireplace that's one of those gas fireplaces. Right. And it had this janky ghetto remote control. Right? Okay. Well, we lost it. It didn't even have a back on it, so the 9-volt battery used to hang out of the back of it. And we lost it. Now, we got the thing at Barbecues Galore. Yep, I know exactly which one you're talking about. They sell good fireplaces. Oh, yeah, they do. And so I go into Barbecues Galore and I say, we lost our remote. Do you just sell the remotes? And they said, yeah, we do. But what we do is we package it with the motor. And I said, what motor? And he goes, well, that's how you turn them up and down. The remote control controls a motor. Right. And I go, oh, no. Really? And he said, yeah. How much? 140 bucks. Yikes. I don't have a choice. So I get it, right? Right. I don't know what I'm going to do. Call Jay. Call Jay. Immediately. I would have just put some electrical tape on the back of the remote. Well, he lost it. We lost it. We lost the remote completely. Oh, it's all gone completely? It's gone. It's gone. So we can't turn the thing on. You'll find it today.
Today we'll find it. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. I went home. I changed the motor out myself. Look at you, big dog. I know. Jay, you would have been so proud of me because Jay's a handyman. Dude, you know what I did this weekend? What? I put in an air filter. Look at you. What's up, dude? Not the same thing. He actually has cause for celebration. Hey, I got to get a chair out. I had to undo the thing, put it in there, make sure it was in there. Woods doesn't usually do that kind of thing. I did it. You put a motor in. You put an engine in to turn your gas on and off. And it was funny, too, because I put the motor in, and I hit the button to turn it on, and it turned off. And I hit the button to turn it off, and it turned on. So I switched the wires. Was your wife just standing over you laughing? No, dude. I ran upstairs, opened the door of the bedroom. And came in with the remote control in my hands. I go, I did it! I did it! That's the best. Just like Rocky. It's a good feeling, isn't it? Oh, it was the best. All right, Woods, gotta leave the room. Get out. Get out of here. Get out of here. All right. Get to the door closed. All right, here's the words. He can't hear me, right, Jay? No? Okay. The words are...
Doppelganger. Now, here's the weird thing. Sometimes you give Woods a word and he gets pissed and you don't know why. You're like, sorry. The first word is doppelganger, which I'll give him. The next word is melodramatic. Then stain. Then pyrotechnics. Then red socks. Oh, boy. Then moonlight. Then munchkin. Then toilet paper. Okay, so those are the words that he's going to have to weave into his conversation with A1 Pets. It's going to feel like vinegar in his mouth when he says Red Sox. I know. Because he's a big Yankees fan. Oh, that's the greatest thing. What spin he puts on it. He hates the Red Sox. Yeah, hates them. Hates them. All right, tell him to come in. Watch him go, what is that? What's your first word? Yes. Is doppelganger. I knew it. I knew it, too. What did I say? I knew you'd be irritated. Stupid. It's a real thing. It's a thing. Is it stupid? Do you know what a doppelganger is? You know. My doppelganger would be Chaz Bono. Yes, it's somebody that you are identical to. Exactly. Oh, gosh. All right, so we're going to call A1 Pets, and the person on the phone will not be able to hear me. They'll only be able to hear Woods. What is that noise?
Heating up an English muffin or something. What? You're heating up something. Okay, hang on. Hang on. Quiet, quiet, quiet. Here we go. Gosh, I'm nervous. A1 pet? Hello? Weird. I must have dialed wrong. I'm a jerk. I was so scared. You ever dial the wrong number? I get nervous. I do. I need a dialing wand. Here we go. If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. Jay, can you dial it for him? I don't want to do it where he's dialing it. Hang on. Let me try again. Oh, boy. Hang on. Here we go. Here we go. Look, look. Quiet, quiet. If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. You're a crazy person. If you need help... You want me to write it in big print for you? No, I want you to... I'm going to hide the words from you. Okay. Hide the words. You want thanks? How can I help you? Weird. Hi, my name's Steve. I was wondering if you could help me.
I am a pet owner, and I am looking for, it's going to sound really strange, but I'm looking for a pet that looks like me, kind of my doppelganger. Now, I look a little bit like Chaz Bono. Do you have any breeds in mind? Melodramatic. Well, were you looking for a cat or a dog? A dog, a dog. I like dogs. I'm not melodramatic. I don't like cats. Okay. You said you look like Chaz Bono? Yeah, I'm a little chubby. I'm not a transgender, but I'm a little chubby. I, in fact, have a stain on my shirt right now. I'm eating an English muffin for breakfast. Have you thought about a bulldog? Yeah, I think that would be a good fit. Now, listen, I work in pyrotechnics, so I'm not at home a lot. Are they pretty self-sufficient, or do they need a lot of care? Red Sox. They could use... I mean, they definitely need a lot of interaction with other people. Sure. But they're pretty good by themselves as well, yes. Now, listen, I already have the name picked out. I'm going to name him F the Red Sox because I'm a huge New York Yankee fan. That's definitely what I'm going to name him, and I think a bulldog would be a good fit. Yeah, I think so too. Okay.
Listen, are they the type of dogs? I don't know. I have a few little dogs. Will they get along with the little dogs? Is he going to be howling at the moonlight all night? No, no. He'll get along with the little dogs very well. Do you guys have a bulldog in there? Because if you do, I'm going to come get that little munchkin for sure. Yeah, yeah, we do. We have toilet paper. Okay, cool. Well, let me do a little cleanup around here. I'm going to blow my nose into some toilet paper, get the stain off my shirt, get myself presentable, get my wallet, and I'll be down there to pick up my new little bulldog F the Red Sox. That is fantastic. It sounds like he's going to go to a good home. Oh, he definitely. He definitely will. Okay, feast. Thanks. F the Red Sox is the name of your dog. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. How do you not name one of your dogs? I know. Fair enough. Oh, wow, wow, wow. Oh, wow. That was too easy. Weird that I dialed it on the first try. Yeah. What am I doing? I don't know. I'm doing it from now on. Did you see? Did you see me dial? You go too slow. You go too slow. You go too slow. I do? Yes. Okay. I'm doing it from now on. Since when is too slow bad? You can't do it too slow. Next time I'll do it faster. That's... He answers the first ring. Weird. I get so nervous. I hit the wrong number.
I guess so. Gosh darn. Gosh dang it. That was good. You did great Woods. Thanks man. You did great. Love that game. Anybody see Saturday Night Live? Yes. Did you see the Alec Baldwin thing? Oh my gosh. I could not believe it. He came on and if you don't know Alec Baldwin got kicked off a flight last week from American Airlines because he was on The tarmac. The plane wasn't moving. He was on his iPad. And he was playing what game, L.O.B.? Words with friends. Words with friends. And they said, get off your iPad. He refused. He got kicked off. And so he did a deal where he went on Saturday Night Live to kind of make fun of himself. He was dressed as a pilot. He was dressed as a pilot from a plane. He wasn't playing himself.
He's playing a pilot. On Wednesday this week, actor Alec Baldwin was kicked off an American Airlines flight after he refused to turn off his phone and stopped playing words with friends. Now, here to comment, the pilot of that flight, Captain Steve Rogers. So, what's your take on the events of last Wednesday? Well, it was awful, Seth, which is why it was very important for me to come here tonight and on behalf of everyone at American Airlines, issue an apology to Mr. Alec Baldwin. Alec, are you sure this is the right way to handle this? Yeah, keep going, keep going. So let me get this straight. You, Captain Rogers, want to apologize to Alec Baldwin. Yes. Mr. Baldwin is an American treasure. I am ashamed of the way he was treated. I mean, what harm would it do to let him keep playing his game? Not any game, mind you, but a word game for smart people. Captain Rogers.
Don't phones interfere with the plane's communication system? Oh, you don't believe that, do you, Seth? Would you really get on an airplane that flew 30,000 feet in the air if you thought one Kindle switch could take it down? Come on! It's just a cruel joke perpetrated by the airline industry. And we would have gotten away with it, but Alec Baldwin was just too smart for us. He really is something, Seth. Seriously, Alec, I just don't think this... But didn't Alec Baldwin getting kicked off the plane delay takeoff? It did. And it was the first time in the history of American Airlines that one of our flights was delayed. Here we speak ill of the great Alec Baldwin, and we can't even take off on time. It was also reported that Alec Baldwin slammed the bathroom door so loudly that you could hear it in the cockpit. Now, Seth, words with friends can be frustrating. I just started playing the game myself. But when you think you're about to play jailers off of someone's quiche, and then you realize you don't have the eye, let me tell you, that'll make you slam the bathroom door, too. Besides, when I go to the bathroom on a plane, I always want that door slammed nice and tight. Doesn't everyone gee willikers? Okay, Alec, this is too much. I don't want to be a part about this anymore. Seth, I'm not Alec. Do you hear me?
But I wish there was. That man's a hero. A smart hero. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, what gigantic company had to pull their ads from TV because it was about Muslims? Is the cilantro that you have in your refrigerator tainted with salmonella? Because California is one of the states that this stuff is at. We'll tell you the brands. Coming up next. I think that people are going to like this. The Mikey Show. It's a good time, you know what I mean? Call 570-1949 or text 949mikey at gmail.com. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. The Ford year-end celebration is on now at your San Diego County Ford dealers.
You'll find huge rebates, low financing, and incredible lease payments on F-Series trucks. America's best-selling line of pickups, 34 straight years. Right now, you can lease a new 2011 F-150 SuperCrew for just $159 a month for 27 months with $35.38 due at signing. Just $159 a month for the highest-ranked large pickup in initial quality by J.D. Power & Associates. Don't miss the year-end celebration. On now at your San Diego County Ford dealer. Ford, built for San Diego. For J.D. Power & Associates information, visit JDPower.com. Not all buyers will qualify for low-mileage Ford credit red carpet lease, security deposit waive, tax, title, and license fees extra. Payments may vary. Cash due at signing is after 1,700 bonus cash, plus 1,000 trade-in assistance cash. Available on 1996 or newer vehicle trade-in or lease terminated from 12-1-11 to 1-2-12. Lessee responsible for access, wear, and mileage over 23,625 miles at 20 cents per mile. Take new retail delivery from dealer stock by 1-2-12. See dealer for qualifications and details. Hey, gang, it's your old pal, Woodsy. And your old pal, L.O.B. We are here to tell you about Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center because it is a place that has changed both of our lives. We both have perfect vision now, just being perfect. Well, better than perfect. I think 2015, I would say, is better than 2020.
Look at her. Look at her. Those baby blues now. That's right. She never comes in with bloodshot eyes anymore from her sleeping at her boyfriend's house and licking her contacts to put them back in. Yeah. My glasses aren't smudged up after a long weekend. Look. It's nice after a night of drinking, too, to not have to worry about taking my contacts out. Exactly. Right, Mike? Yes. Why, when I don't drink, I love to have my eyes cleaned. I got an email this weekend from an M1 that went in and got her surgery done, and she is like, oh, my God, thanks for telling me about Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. Are you sure that she was like... I'm going to kill you. Oh, like. She was like, oh, my gosh. I can't believe it. Clareview is like the best. Clareview is like the best. And Dr. Sandy T. Feldman rules. Hey, give them a call today. 858-452-3937. Get a free consultation and, like, get your eyes done. Like, do you have a boyfriend? My robotic assistant, Al, and I have tested out the new Scion IQ. Scion IQ is the world's smallest four-seater. Scion IQ has 11 airbags.
Scion IQ is better than Al. Get to your local Scion dealer and check out the new IQ starting at $15,995. Scion, what moves you? Size claim certified by AMCI Testing. Call 1-866-240-6684 for claim details. MSRP includes delivery, processing, and handling fee. Excludes taxes, title, license, and optional equipment. Dealer price will vary. Vons knows this is the time for celebration. And you can make every occasion even more of a celebration with Safeway Select Gourmet Appetizers. Your guests will agree. These are amazing. Serve caramelized onion and gorgonzola pastry puffs, golden flaky chicken pesto treasures, and crispy crab rangoons that rival your favorite Thai restaurants. There are over 20 delectable Safeway Select appetizers. And now when you buy any three with Vons Club, you'll save $3 instantly. With Safeway Select appetizers, it's so easy. They're ready to enjoy in minutes, giving you time to have a good time. And don't miss other fantastic Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Top Round London Royal is only $2. a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. Hothouse English cucumbers are 10 for only $10. And save $2 when you mix and match snack crackers. Just buy any four or more boxes in a single transaction with Vons Club. Choose from Wheat Thins, Ritz, and many more. At Vons, we'll help you make the holidays just as merry as can be. Vons, ingredients for life. Hey, this is L.O.B., and it's December, and that means what, Woodsy? It's time to get your holiday shopping done now. You've got to give the gift of great hair like ours. Oh, yeah. I've got.
if I do say so myself, fabulous hair. Yeah, I've been using the Men's Max Pack, and I started using Ovation because I saw how amazing my wife Jamie's hair looked. It looked incredible. Well, not to mention my hair, which I come in here every morning just flaunting it about. Yes. Smells delicious. Smells amazing. And L.O.B., it's longer than it's ever been. It is actually longer than it's ever been. Right now is the best time for you to try Ovation because not only is it a really good price that they have going on for their holiday gift set, But if you enter FM949 at checkout, you're going to get a special introductory discount. We got a message that they are almost out of this holiday gift pack. They're almost sold out. You need to get in there now. So go to OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout. You're going to get that special introductory discount. That's OvationHair.com and enter FM949 at checkout for your special introductory discount. This holiday season, show that special someone how much you really care about powerful, efficient, turbocharged engines. Just like the one found in the C250 sports sedan. Along with aggressive new body styling and a completely redesigned interior, the new C-Class commands the road with over 2,000 new refinements.
Come into the Mercedes-Benz Winter Event now and get the Mercedes-Benz you've always dreamed of for a price you never dreamed possible. Lease the 2012 C250 sports sedan for only $349 a month for 30 months with $4,009 due at signing, or get one for just 1.9% APR for 37 to 66 months with a special credit on your first two months payment up to a total of $1,300. But hurry, offers end January 3rd. The Mercedes-Benz Winter Event. May all your holiday wishes come true. Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through January 3, 2012. Some equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. This report is brought to you by Legoland. Holiday snow days are at Legoland, California. Real snow in the world's tallest Lego Christmas tree. It's a winter wonderland of holiday fun. Visit Legoland.com for all the details.
Well, we've got a lot of stuff going on. We'll start you right off here on the 805 southbound, right past the 163 southbound. We've got tow trucks on the way. Pretty bad accident here at the 163 northbound at Washington Street. An ambulance on the scene. Same story here on the 94 westbound past College Avenue. Lots of slowing. The 805 drive is just... It's not a good story. We'll put it that way. You'll be using four-letter words as you're driving. The 805 northbound from Home Avenue all the way down to Plaza Boulevard, 14 miles an hour. And you know what? That drive over here on the 5 northbound, not much better from B Street to Division. 20 miles an hour. This report brought to you by Navy Federal Credit Union. There's never been a better time to join Navy Federal Credit Union. Visit any of their 20 branches in the San Diego area or at any of their 45,000 free ATMs worldwide. Join them today. I'm Stacey Cohen, FM 94.9.
Nobody want to go with me. Lauren. I'm a control freak. If I watch other people do things that I'd rather do, I'm like... Woods. I smoke a pack a day. You're going to live longer, pal. And Jay. I'm wearing Dockers right now. On FM 94.9. Let's do this. We got a couple of people that would have been holding for Mikey Morning Quarterback. We're going to play that in just a second. Who knows more about NFL football? L-O-B or Jay? So we're going to find out here in... Just a second. If you have cilantro from a company called Pacific, check it out. Because it has contaminated. It's been contaminated with salmonella. Over 6,000 cartons have been recalled all over the United States. But here in California, they had it too. So, again, the brand is Pacific. And they give these little barcodes and stuff.
But if you have Pacific cilantro, just play it safe. You don't want to... Toss it. Yeah. I mean, I would just play it safe. Give it to Jay. Yeah, Jay will eat it. He'll eat it. Jay will eat it. He's impervious to all kinds of diseases. Right. Except for herpes. Oh, by the way, did you hear him? I heard him say... Doing it all morning long. Yeah, I heard his bit. Woods was sick on Thursday, and Jay was saying he had every venereal disease. That's great. Which I said the only one you actually had was herpes. Oh, well. You can't get rid of that one. Poor guy. Poor guy. Laying at home, dying. Dying. Spitting up mucus. Unbelievable. Dying. Dying. Building your fantasy league. Oh, I've built some dynasties on that PS3. I took the Chargers to the Super Bowl real good. You did? Yeah. Nice. Speaking of sports, Phillip Rivers threw three touchdown passes, including two to Antonio Gates, who was looking good and healthy. And the Chargers triumphed yesterday at home, 37-10 over the Buffalo Bills. Who are sucking like crazy. They are on it.
They're in a tailspin. Dude, they started so strong and then just went. Yep. And big news out of Los Angeles as the Los Angeles Lakers have traded Mr. Khloe Kardashian, Lamar Odom to the Dallas Mavericks for their 2012 first round pick. So that circus is going to be going to my hometown. Because I saw that the Lakers were about to get some guy that was a big deal. Did it happen or no? It didn't happen. No. No, that was going to be a big deal. Yeah, Kobe is very upset about his buddy Lamar being traded. Did you hear about Peyton Manning's dad, Archie? I heard something about it. Last night I was doing some sports stuff, and I meant to look it up. What did he say? He said that he didn't think that it would be a good idea if Andrew Luck and Peyton were on the same team. Happy birthday. Yeah, that is a franchise. I mean, Peyton's the face of it, but... Archie, maybe you... Dad. Dad. Maybe zip your lip. Stay out of it. Dad, stay out of it. Andrew Luck is probably going to be the first player taken, and the Indianapolis Colts are probably going to have that first pick because they haven't won a game yet. No, they're terrible. So they'll probably pick first, and they'll take Andrew Luck. Yeah, more than likely. More than likely. More than likely. And here's Peyton's dad saying, yeah, it probably wouldn't be good for them to be on the same team.
I think it'd be a great idea. Look at Aaron Rodgers sitting behind Brett Favre for a couple years. Nobody's better than Aaron Rodgers now. Holding that clipboard can teach you a lot. And learning from a guy like Peyton Manning, that's going to be good for the Colts down the road. They have to think life past Peyton, who is very injured, and who knows how he's going to play when he comes back. I'll tell you. Got to have an insurance policy. Sports dads are as bad as... Tiaras. Pageant moms. Stage moms. Yes, because I remember up in the Bay Area when I was at KSJO up in the Bay Area, Jeff Garcia was playing for the 49ers. And after the games, KNBR was the station that carried the Niner games. After the games, people would be calling in. They'd be saying, Garcia this, Garcia that. His dad would call. Oh, boy. And his dad would start railing. on people, and I used to just go, oh, I bet Jeff is just going, Dad, shut up. Dad, shut up. Don't call. Leave it alone. Just let it go. Dad, you're embarrassing me. I got to tell our M1s, man, and anybody out there listening, that if you want to see something about that, I watched this weekend. It's the ESPN 30 for 30 on Todd Marinovich.
who was the USC quarterback. I want to see that. Oh, my God. Is it good? My wife sat in bed with me for an hour and watched this. She was riveted. Oh, I want to know what it's called. I want to know what it's called. It's called the Marinovich Project. Oh, write it down. And it's ESPN 30 for 30, and they'll be replaying it. This guy, I won't give too much away. Don't tell me juicy stuff. No, but I want to tell you. Give me a morsel. When he was a baby, when Todd was a baby, Marv played for the Raiders and for USC. Marv. His dad. Yeah. Marv Marinovich. He was a strength and conditioning guy. When Todd was a baby, a child. Wait, wait, wait. First of all, before you even go any further, we just have to let people know because there's a bunch of people going, who's Todd Marinovich? Redhead, right? Yeah. Flaming redhead. Flaming. I mean. Red as red. Fire engine red. I mean fire engine red. Yes. And was touted to be the greatest thing to ever come out of USC. Yeah. And went to the Raiders, right? First round pick. 24th pick overall. I'll tell you this. When you see it, you'll understand why. Yes. But give us the morsel. The morsel is when he was a baby. He was in his crib. And Marv, his dad.
would go into his crib and he would stretch him and he would stretch his hamstrings and he would take his legs and stretch his hamstrings out and he would get him. They never, they wouldn't let him do. My jaw is dropped open. You know what they used to give him to teeth with? Chicken livers. Frozen chicken livers. I guess for protein, he wouldn't let him have like the normal teething stuff. The dad was a psychopath. A psychopath. When it came to all that stuff. When it came to this. And I had heard that. I mean, I knew that the deal, I didn't know it was like that. They called him Robo QB. In fifth grade, he went to. Dude, you know what? When I was a kid, I saw, my mom used to get a subscription to People Magazine. Yep. I saw a little thing in People Magazine. He was just a kid. He was a kid. And I can remember the photograph. It was taken from the ground. The photographer got on the ground. Yep. And took the picture. And it was this. kid, Todd Marinovich. Probably 15, 16. I mean, he was young. And he was like holding the ball like this, like he's going to throw it at the camera. And I remember reading in People Magazine, this guy's going to be the greatest thing ever. And then he went to USC. He won a Rose Bowl his freshman year. He started as a freshman. The guy, when you watch this documentary, you will be blown away. And, you know, ladies, I'm telling you, my wife sat there and watched it and was like, oh.
I have to see it. It is so good. I have to see it. It's so good. I have to see it because if for no other reason you knew his dad was a head case. He went on a major bender and he ruined his career. It was drugs and so on. Heroin. Holy cow. Heroin. He does art now. His art is fan freaking. Fantastic. You can see it at ToddMarinovich.com. Well, you know what's crazy about that is that that's probably what he was meant to do in life. He said something that was so poignant in there. It stuck with me. And he said, just because you're great at something, that doesn't mean you have to do it. Yeah. And I was like, I was always a good writer. And my dad would always be like, you need to write books. And I'm like, I don't want to. You know, like it wasn't for me. It's not what I wanted to do. Yeah. It blew my mind. The way you see it, there's so many layers. And then we could talk about it. So people go watch it and we can all talk about it. It's so good. I can't wait. Even Jay would like it. Wow. Let's see. Okay. Let's play Mikey Morning Quarterback. M1 Frex from La Jolla. Who do you want? Jay. You. You're a brave woman. You're a brave woman. You know something we don't? M1. Is it Julia? Yeah.
Julian. Julian. Sorry. Julian from Fallbrook. You've got LOB. Okay. Hang on the line. It's a good thing, man. LOB. Yeah. She does very well. She does. We're playing for a $50 gift certificate to the Ally Action Sports Warehouse sale going on this weekend. I think it's Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Great deals on tons of gear. Up to 60% off. You can go to FM949SD.com for all the details. All right. Who started last time? I did. All right. Jay, you ready? Maybe. Here we go. Jay, who did the San Diego Chargers play yesterday? Dadgum you. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I just heard it. Three, two, one. It was the Raiders. No, it wasn't. Gosh darn. Jay, Jay, Jay. They weren't supposed to beat them. Yeah, they were. Yeah, they were. They shut out. It was the Buffalo Bills. That's right, man. It's a team that I once rushed for 2,000 yards. I was playing for them, man.
Dang it. Ella B? Yes. What state do the Buffalo Bills play in? New York. Wow. Look at you. Look at you. Look at you. Look at you. No, seriously, look at you. Might be looking at you in a bikini on Friday. Oh, yeah. Hubba hubba. When Jay doesn't have his sound effects near him, he'll just go bling bling. Bling bling. He goes with the visual effects. Erection, erection. Boner. Boner, boner. Waiter time, waiter time. I have one. All right, you ready? Yes. Jay, what team does my boyfriend Tim Tebow play for? Your boyfriend Tebow plays for the Pats. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Like Tebow.
It's not only a sports story, it's a national story. He's everywhere. Listen, there is an Egyptian cab driver in Cairo. No, there's an Egyptian flock herder. Yes. A shepherd. Yeah, a shepherd. He doesn't even have a TV. Hey, Samir, who does Tebow play for? The Broncos. What are you, crazy? You're asking this? Like for real? Is it a real question? Like the Broncos, hello? Jay! Are you ready, LLB? I am. This is so easy. Where is the next Super Bowl going to be played? The next Super Bowl? Where is the next Super Bowl? Not this coming one. No, this coming one. Oh, this coming one? Yeah. That's the next one. Giant Stadium? No. It is, in fact, Indianapolis. It's being played in Indianapolis. Woods, are you keeping the score? Yeah. Okay. That's a 1-0, Lauren. Jay? It's not very hard. Jay, name any, by any. Oh, this bit. Name any, any. Oh, boy. Of all time. Of all time. Now, actually, I'm going to narrow it. Name any current. Oh. Uh-oh. Name any current, and let me finish the question, NFL head coach besides Norv Turner. Jay scrunched down.
He looked at me with peering eyes. You're giving him too much time. Maybe Marty is still coaching. Marty Schottenheimer. He's not coaching. What's he doing these days? He's sitting on a couch. We should get him back. You know, I can't. Listen, there is no correct answer I can give you. There's a myriad of coaches. There's 31 others. You can name, you know, Bill Belichick. Andy Reid. Andy Reid. All right, L.O.B. Jason Garrett. What team does Peyton Manning... I wanted Jay to get that question so bad. Because his go-to guy is Peyton Manning. Yeah, Peyton Manning. What team does Peyton Manning play for? The Colts. Gosh, don't look at this chick over here. Look at her. Technically, he's not playing. Look at her. Whoa. Wow. She's paying attention. Just rubbing it right in there. Just taking her cleat and just rubbing it right in there. Just putting a cigarette out with that cleat. Mean. Okay. Jay, name any team. And by any, we mean like any. You mean any. Any encompassing. Oh, God. Jay almost fell back in his chair. I would have loved to see him. If you had fallen, it would have been the greatest sound in the history of sound. His eyes were the size of softball. Woods broke this chair. Jay, name any team.
Kurt Warner has played for? Any team. Name any team Kurt Warner has played for. The Pats. Two times he answered with the Pats. I love when he says the Pats. Ella B, you are victorious. The confidence. The confidence. The Pats. I love it so much. I love the game. I love the game. M1 Julian from Fallbrook, L.O.B. brought it home for you. Yeah, thank you, L.O.B. Yeah, you got it. There's TV on right now with football on. Yeah, it's fantastic. Could have looked back. He's blissfully unaware. Well, here's the deal. There are sometimes elements of something, and the reason that it's good is kind of...
You can't quantify it. Right. You can't quite put your finger on it. We know this. We know M1s love that freaking game. Yeah, they do. They love Mikey Morning Quarterback. Part of the reason that I love it is because every single Monday, Jay will say, it's time for Monday Morning Quarterback. And L.O.B. will go, it's Mikey Morning Quarterback. This is off the air. Off the air. And Jay will say something like, whatever. Whatever. Same thing. Expect check. I mean, gosh darn it. We're just going to get down to the nitty gritty of our earnings. Trying to brand things. Gosh, man. Sorry. Mackie Mornin' Carter back. You know how hard it is for me to say the name. Just the thought of that Mexican fat guy. Can we just call it Key Morning Corp? I have, ladies and gentlemen, in front of me right now something that may or may not interest you. It is, in fact, a list of songs that are the most hated in terms of Christmas songs. Now, this is a real list, and I did not make the list up. You have to answer.
for yourself, are these the most hated Christmas songs? By the way, I asked Woods before we started, you like Christmas songs? He said, hate them. What? I go, why? Grinch. He said, they make me want to blow my head off. They're sad. Yeah. I think they're the opposite of sad. They're not. I think they're fun. I think they make you happy. Have you ever been single on Christmas and listened to Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas? I'm amazed that I'm sitting here. We all have, but it brings back good memories of open up presents when I was a kid. I avoid those ones if I can. You do? Yeah. If I'm not in a good mood, I don't want to hear that. I started crying in the store when I heard it. L.O.B., but don't you think about when you're a little girl and stuff? Yeah, but then I think about my grandparents that aren't around anymore. It's sad. Yeah. And I get that because, you know, my grandparents didn't speak English, so I didn't really care. Feliz Navidad, does that bother you? Yeah, when you hear that. Feliz Navidad, no. Espero año felicidad. Yeah, no, even though I'm Mexican, it still doesn't get to me. My grandmother used to laugh at the scrubbing bubbles commercials. That's all I remember of her. You don't have to. All right, so tell me if you agree.
Is this one of the worst Christmas songs? I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. It's the stupidest. It's pretty stupid. It's stupid. It's not funny. It never was funny. When it came out, it wasn't funny. Mommy's a little hooah. Yeah, she's a hooah, right? The idea, of course, being, wow, I'm so confused. Yes. Why is Mommy kissing Santa Claus? Yeah. Well, because in this particular instance, it's not the real Santa Claus. What if it's the drunk neighbor that came over? Yeah. It could be. What if Mom's having an affair with the guy next door? I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, and it's weird because Daddy's asleep in his bed. Yeah, and knowing Mom, she probably is having an affair. And what's the trip is, as Mommy's kissing Santa Claus, there is the distinct smell. of beer in the air. And scotch. And scotch. Smells like brandy. Smells like brandy. Why is Santa Claus putting his hand down the back of mom's pants? Why is he doing that? Because... That's weird to me. It's weird to me. I'm four years old. I'm four. I can't make heads or tails of it. I know that Santa's not coming until Christmas. Right. Maybe he is.
Mikey is now in his coffin. Why is mommy on all fours dressed as a reindeer? Hey, hey, hey, hey, L-O-B. Hey, L-O-B. Hey, L-O-B. Hey, L-O-B. Why is Santa Claus just wearing a stocking on his wiener? Shut up, shut up, shut up. Everyone. Does his nose always light up? All right, and number eight. Someone looked a carrot out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, L-O-B. Okay, okay, it's the last one. Then they say. That The 12 Days of Christmas. Get up with that song. Stupid. Yeah, I wouldn't care if I didn't hear it anymore, ever again. Who wants a freaking bunch of birds? Nobody wants to hear it in the first place. Well, who wants a bunch of birds? It's a dumb song. In the end, you do have a lot of birds. A lot of birds. Goose, partridge. No one ever was into it. You were into it when you were a kid the very first time. The very...
First time you heard it. But after that, the novelty of saying it over and over again wore off. As if you could remember all of them once you got up to 12. Right. You got down to one. You were like, ah! You were proud of yourself, but then that's it. But you were sick. What's a bird in a pear tree? Who eats pears anyway? I eat pears. It's hideous. Yeah. Hideous. Do without the partridge. Milk. Made some milk. Milk. I take those ladies dancing. You know what kind of ladies they are. Giddy up. Hookers, Mike. Milk me, hookers. Milk me, hookers, Michael, Mike, Mikey, Mike. Five golden rings, you know where I'm going to put them. I love you. Okay. She is the filthiest girl I have ever, I mean ever. When I say ever, I mean ever in the history of girls. And then they say this one. I've never heard this song in my life. Is Dominic the donkey? It's, no. Lauren O. Brian. I want a hippopotamus for Christmas. I've never heard of it. Me neither. I've heard this. You have? You're too precocious. You're so cute, aren't you? Is it a child singing?
Yeah. I say it's an adult affecting their voice. It's a little person. It sounds like a kid. That's my nightmare. I think it's an adult doing an affectation. My nightmare is waking up in the middle of the night kind of groggy and looking over and that person is there singing. Dressed as a leprechaun holding a knife. This is a giant clown. Cap shoes. That's the creepiest thing I've ever heard. All right. The number two most annoying song. I think this is right on the money. Jingle Bells by Dogs. Oh, boy. The jingle dogs. No problem with that. Weird. Stupid. No way. It's badass. By the time you get to the first chorus. Hang on. It's badass. It's dogs. Woods. What?
It by definition. Okay, hang on. No, you don't just get away with that. No. You don't just call Jingle Dogs. Jingle Dogs. Badass. Let me hear it. Let me hear it. All right. Jingle Dogs. They're dogs. They're dogs, L-O-B. Come on. That's Pavarotti. Which is why they shouldn't be singing. Yeah. It's cute. It's cute. It's kitschy. Put them in a kennel. It's cute. It's kitschy. Put them in a kennel. Oh, stop. It's kitschy. I said that just to get under whiskey, but it won't get him. After three barks, you get it. How about the all-time worst? I know what it is. The strokes? Nope. Dominic the donkey? I'll tell you what the number one worst is when we come back.
Supported by our good friends at Sports Chalet. What's up there, tickle taters? It's Hillary with some shows we go check out like tonight. The Boxer Rebellion had to cancel their last show at the Casbah. Tonight, they are finally coming back for their rescheduled... Casbah show. Boxer Rebellion tonight. Tomorrow night, Dinosaur Jr. are playing at the Belly Up, and Henry Rollins will be there to interview Dinosaur Jr. on stage. He can see Pinback at the Belly Up on the 19th, and English Beat there on New Year's Eve. Also on New Year's Eve, if you head to the Lafayette Hotel, Transfer, Low Volt, Silent Comedy, Creepy Creeps, a bunch of bands are going to play there for a New Year's Eve party. And in 2012, we've got shows lined up from No Effects, Wilco, Dr. Dog, Young the giant not-a-surf-robber riot, and Craig Finn of the Hold Steady doing a solo show at the Casbah. So there you have it. Get out there and see some shows. For more concert info, check out the FM 94.9 concert calendar online at fm949sd.com. 33 years ago, we had a simple idea. Make the best vehicles in America, and once a year, offer them with special savings. Today, it's a phenomenon. Toyota-thon is back.
Now get 0% financing and save thousands on many of Toyota's best-selling models. Get zero APR on a new 2011 Prius or Corolla. Zero APR on a new 2011 Avalon, Venza, or RAV4. There's even zero APR on a new 2012 Tundra. Others have tried to copy it, but in the end, there's only one. Toyotathon. Save thousands with 0% financing on many of Toyota's best-selling models. The biggest and best sales event of the year is going on now. Hurry to your Toyota dealer today. Offer excludes Prius V. Limited term financing through Toyota Financial Services to qualify Tier 1 plus through Tier 3 credit customers only. Vehicles must be purchased from new car dealer stock by midnight 1-3-12. Offers may vary by region. I'm thirsty. How thirsty? Really thirsty. When's the last time you looked in the fridge? I don't know. When was the last time I went shopping? Uh, like today. You should really check it out. And grab yourself a bottle of Arrowhead brand 100% Mountain Spring water while you're in there. Why is it snoring in our refrigerator? That was Grinchmas, and that's why we're drinking Arrowhead water. Why?
Because every specially marked bottle of Arrowhead water lets you save $15 on general admission to Universal Studios Hollywood, where the whole family can play in real snow, see the celebrity tree lighting, and meet the Grinch and his dog, Max, too. Then I'm putting Arrowhead on my Grinchmas list. Save $15 on general admission to Universal Studios Hollywood when you bring a specially marked Arrowhead label to the front gate ticket booth. Offer ends 4-30-12. Restrictions apply. Visit UniversalStudiosHollywood.com slash Arrowhead for full terms and conditions. Okay, what do you say we break for lunch? That sounds good. What do you want? I'll go pick it up. Uh, I don't care. I got like three bucks. Hey, how about a W? The new double cheeseburger from Wendy's. Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. What? If that's your attitude, you're not getting a W. Wait, what's your problem? No problem. But if you're happy just throwing anything down your throat, the W is too good for you. If you say so. Look, can you appreciate that Wendy's makes your W so it's hot and juicy? Well, I... Oh, so you don't like signature sauce, awesome toppings, and a butter-toasted bun. Oh, yeah, maybe. See there? Maybe. Maybe? I don't even know you anymore. The new W Double Cheeseburger from Wendy's. Double beef, double cheese, and what's doubly amazing? Right now, it's just $2.99. Try one today at Participating Wendy's.
Buy a Wendy's W Combo, register online, and double your chances to win Southwest Airlines tickets for two and much more. Two's the reason to be jolly. No purchase necessary. Ends January 6, 2012. Open to U.S. Citizens 18 and over. Void for prohibited. Visit twosthereason.com for full rules and free method of entry. Vons knows this is the time for celebration, and you can make every occasion even more of a celebration with Safeway Select Gourmet Appetizers. Your guests will agree. These are amazing. Serve caramelized onion and gorgonzola pastry puffs. golden flaky chicken pesto treasures, and crispy crab rangoons that rival your favorite Thai restaurants. There are over 20 delectable Safeway Select appetizers. And now when you buy any three with Vons Club, you'll save $3 instantly. With Safeway Select appetizers, it's so easy. They're ready to enjoy in minutes, giving you time to have a good time. And don't miss other fantastic Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Top Round London Broil is only $2.27 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack. Hothouse English cucumbers are 10 for only $10. And save $2 when you mix and match snack crackers. Just buy any four or more boxes in a single transaction with Vons Club. Choose from Wheat Thins, Ritz, and many more. At Vons, we'll help you make the holidays just as merry as can be. Vons, ingredients for life. Mama Dietz here, chairman of Dietz & Watson. It's the holidays. Things can get stressful, especially when you're a host. Well, guess what?
You can relax. That's right. Relax. It's the holidays. Because Dietze Watson has been preparing your holiday party since 1939. Four generations, 72 years, working on your 2011 holiday party. Our party trays and holiday hams don't have artificial flavor. They don't have additives. Those things weren't around in 1939. And at Dietz & Watson, they still aren't. So relax. Unless your holiday ham or party tray isn't from Dietz & Watson. In that case, start freaking out, hon. Insist on Dietz & Watson at your favorite market and deli. And happy hosting days to you and yours. Happy holidays. Welcome to REI. Can I help you? My dad is impossible to shop for. GoPro HD2 outdoor camera. He'd like that. And my mom already has everything. Prana twisty pullover sweater. Except that. And my sister always borrows mine. Kids REI down jacket. Here comes my mom. Hook me up, okay? We know what you need and have all the outdoor gifts they'll love. With expert help in-store and online, we offer 100% guaranteed satisfaction with every gift you buy. REI. Find out. Shop now and save 30% on men's, women's, and kids' clearance clothing and footwear. My robotic assistant Al and I have tested out the new Scion IQ.
Scion IQ is the world's smallest four-seater. Scion IQ has 11 airbags. Scion IQ is better than Al. Get to your local Scion dealer and check out the new IQ starting at $15,995. Scion, what moves you? Size claim certified by AMCI Testing. Call 1-866-240-6684 for claim details. MSRP includes delivery, processing, and handling fee. Excludes taxes, title, license, and optional equipment. Dealer price will vary. I'm going to wrap my holidays up. Color printing, brochures, flyers, documents copied, documents found. I take a passport photo, fax a message, check my mail, notarize it, laminate it, find it, mail it, dun, dun, dun. Why drive all over town this holiday season or get locked into one choice for shipping? Wrap it up with one stop at your neighborhood postal annex.
Save gas. Save time. Save money. Mail the cards. Pack the presents. Ship the gifts. I'm all done. Postal Annex. The sound of business. Compare FedEx, UPS, and postal rates for your best option. This report is brought to you by your San Diego County Toyota dealers. When it's time to service your Toyota, your best choice is your San Diego County Toyota dealer. Great prices. Service while you wait. Wi-Fi shuttle service. Whole lot more. Wow, lots of red. It's a map full of Christmas stuff. It's red and that's about it. 32nd Street from the 805 northbound all the way down to Market Street, 10 miles an hour. Problem here in Lemon Grove on the 94 westbound right past College Avenue, an injury accident. Also another one here on the 163 northbound at Washington Street. Some delay on the 54 eastbound at the 805 northbound connector. Looks like an accident there. And as you travel right here over on the 5 northbound past L Street, another accident. You know what?
The freeways are full of them. Slow down. Take your time as you get wherever you're going this morning. This report brought to you by Napa. This December, hurry and danny participating Napa Auto Parts store. You can get 57% off the Crescent brand 128-piece tool gift set. It's on sale, just $49.99. See your store for details. I'm Stacey Cohen on FM 94.9. Yeah, this is the light. Mikey. Oh. All right. And now back to the Mikey Show with Mikey. I love watching human beings in their natural habitat. Woods. I have a fear of dentists. A fear, like when I go to the dentist, it's palpable. Lauren. I'm more apt to listen to a specialist than a general practitioner. And Jay. You guys don't make homemade ice cream? Say what? On FM 94.9. Did you hear how it happened? I saw the whole thing go down. Oh, you did? The whole ice was right there. Did you notice the chain of events? It was outstanding. Did you notice the chain of events? Oh, yeah. Burn, drop, and glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Lauren O'Brien. Our friend. Our friend. Your friend. Your friend. Your friend Lauren. It's Jay's friend. Jay's friend Lauren went out to get a cup of coffee. And. Trying to drop knowledge on our promotions director. Oh, my God. Is that what you were doing? You were joking around. Of course.
Yeah, she's joking around. Screw it around. Playing grab ass out. Yeah, keep laughing, guys. You're freaking funny, ain't it? So she picks up the big... We have the milk carton. Gallons of cream. Half and half. Fresh. Fresh. Real fresh. So she's got that in one hand. She's got a hot cup of coffee in the other. Yeah. She's got... Jokes just flying at him. It's called instant karma. It'll get you. She burns her hand with coffee, which causes her to scream and drop the cream. Open. Open, and it goes... First of all, all over the carpet. Oh, it's a mess. Second of all, all over my leather shoes. That's what it looked like. White cream pouring out of this thing. It looked like paint. Yeah, it looked like white paint. It's so thick. I was gagging trying to get it up. That's what she said. That's it. That's enough. I'm sick of it.
Needless to say, my hand is scalded. She scalded her hand. I spilled so much coffee on my hand. Let me tell you. We have the greatest picture. But let me tell you my reaction. Okay, I'll give you the reactions. You were not in the room, Mike. You ready? Yes. Here's Jay. Yeah, just dead face. Dead pan. Didn't move. Get out of his chair. Same with Adam. Here's me. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. And I just wanted to freak her out. Jay, what are your thoughts on your chivalrous behavior? My thoughts were typical L.O.B. Fix it. And then she just kept going, are we back? Are we back? So she could come back in the room. I'm like, no, no. You got all the time in the world to fix this. That's exactly what he said. He goes, hey. We ain't back yet. You got time to clean up the mess. And you know what I did, too? That's my selfish train of thought. I put the cream in the coffee before I picked it up. She got her cream. She's already in my hand. LLB, I'm nervous that you might get fired, though. What? Oh, yeah.
I mean, that is the type of deal. It's carpet. You've been at radio a long time, Mike. That's the kind of deal they fire you for. I mean, there's no question. It was out in the common area, away from the equipment. Well, it's destruction of company property. So, I mean, I'd be... I'm going to go... I'd be scared of you. I'd pack my stuff and get out of here. I'm going to go get some sawdust. She said she wants to bring you some sawdust. It's not vomit. That's a cafeteria. Sawdust that they put down when the kids used to throw up and up. Yeah, but what's sawdust? Sawdust. But originally... Saul dust? Saul. Saul dust. That's like an Italian guy. Saul, yeah. Everybody knows Saul. Saul dust. You looking for some PCP? I'm looking for Saul. You gotta see Paul. Get yourself some Paul dust. Paul dust. What can I put down? Kitty litter, sawdust? No, we need a towel. A wet towel. You need to go to the store. You need to get some Resolve and a little scrub brush. I have Resolve at my house. Just go to the store. We need towels. It'll be stanky. It'll stink. Oh, rotten cream. We got to take care of it right now. We got to take care of it. We got to take care of it. We take care of it.
Let's get something together. Sorry, everyone. You may be fired. I just thought it was a blast working with you. We had a great time. Good chemistry. That's right. You get fired over cream. Hey, what brings you here to the interview today? I dropped cream on my last job. You dropped cream on your last job? Yeah, I dropped it all over the carpet. Wait a minute. I scalded myself. It was a worker's comp. A worker's comp. What kind of business? A radio. Oh, well, that makes sense. That actually makes sense. You dropped it. Did you drop it like on the premises? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Then for sure. Not near the equipment, though. You're not the first and you probably won't be the last. To drop the cream. Yeah. If you're just leaving your house, put on a warm jacket, preferably the kind that has a hood on it. A slicker. Grab an umbrella. Yeah, it is. It is. pouring in North County. Yep. It's fugly outside. You can see some slowing on the freeways. Mm-hmm. Great. It gets like that, man. Get there alive. Don't have to get there first. That's right. Drive safe. Slow down. All right, so before we went, I said I was going to give you the number one most hated Christmas song. No, you don't. That can't be possible. You're better than that. You know that. You are better than that. This reminds me of being in the back of my parents' car.
And driving from one grandparent's house to the next and being like, yeah, grandma. Grandma's a druggie. Why? She's been drinking too much egg. She forgot her medication. That is true. So she wanders off in the snow. My grandmother didn't like it when I used to come over and sing this song. Really? Yeah. Because it was like, hey, don't wish for my death. I think she's a cokehead. She wandered out in the snow. It was like a hidden code word. Maybe the reindeer is society. Yeah, dump it on Rebecca. If they were to update this, it would be like Grandma got run over by a crackhead. Right. By Guido. That song sucks. You can say there's no such thing as Santa. But as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
Grandpa's all excited. He's single again. Yeah, he got to slay 22-year-olds. Yeah, Grandpa was definitely excited. Can you believe that freaking Elmo and Patsy... Elmo and Patsy, that's right. ...were in a recording studio at one time. Hey, should I do another take? Do another one. Do another one. A grandma got run over by a reindeer. Elmo, you don't sound Southern enough. Count me in. One and a two and a three. A grandma got run over to buy a reindeer. That's all. It's off. It's off. Something's missing. Let me try again. One more time. And a one and a two and a three. And a grandmother got run over. Yeah. Came in a little early. Just a hair.
Try it again. All right. And a one. And a two. Grandma got runned over again by the reindeers. I'm trying something to be different. Let me get to three and then start. And don't say runned over. Okay. Run. All right. Okay, ready? And a one. And a two. And a three. Grandma got runned over by a reindeer. That's the stupidest song. Oh, it's terrible. I think I made good money off that. Oh, dude. For sure. M1, Roberta from Del Mar, what was the word of the day? Jacket. That is correct. Look at you. You're going to see Chris Cornell because of that. Booyah. You were listening intently and you got it. Nice. Thanks, guys. You're very welcome. Hang on a line, please. Do not want to drive in that stuff. Last night, you know, I have to take medicine to go to sleep. Took my medicine. And my wife goes, you're definitely on your medicine because of what you just called your dad and requested. I go, what? Beans. I called my dad last night and asked him if he could make some beans. Oh. And he said, I just did. You can come over tomorrow and have some. Nice. I'm just playing right into that stereotype. Yeah. Just right into it. I just have mom whip you up some.
Fresh tortillas. Hey, listen. Don't get mad at stereotypes because the truth of the matter is I'm 100% Mexican and I get cravings for beans. I'm not and I do too, though. Save that clip. Oh, wow. We all do. Beans are delicious. Save that out loud. Good for your heart. More you eat. More you fart. More you fart, the better you feel. Beans, beans for every meal. I said, let's have beans for every meal. That... is a great topic you've hit upon. And I know you guys think that I'm silly every time I bring this up, but someone is the author of that song. Yeah. Yeah. Someone authored it. Someone penned, beans, beans, good for your heart. Right. The more you eat them, the more you fart. The more you fart, the better you feel. So eat beans with every meal.
I'd never heard that second verse before. Really? No. Oh, yeah. I've always heard it as the musical fruit. Yeah, that's another one. The more you eat, the more you toot. Yes, beans, beans, the musical fruit. Ew. The more you eat them. The more you eat them, the more you toot. They're not a fruit. Don't get it. Who was the jackass that came up with that? You say jackass. I say genius. Genius. Poet. And how did it catch on before the internet? Dude, like that is viral. Like wildfire. Viral. I wonder when it was started. Like I wonder what year. What if it was started in like France? Yeah. They like translated it and then it came over on, you know, some ship. I bet it's the same guy that did the Jingle Bells Batman Smells. Robin laid an egg. Robin laid an egg. Batmobile lost a wheel. And Joker ran away. And Joker ran away. What about when you're sliding into first and you feel something burst? Diarrhea. Cha-cha-cha. Diarrhea. Cha-cha-cha. Sliding into home and your pants are full of foam. Full of foam. Diarrhea. I wonder if... That song's hideous. I wonder if kids still sing these. Probably not. Or if they were our generation. They're playing on iPads now. No. Jasper keeps coming home with new ones and he thinks he's the first one who's ever heard. Limerick. They're not limericks. He said to me... They're like parodies. My son, my eight-year-old says...
Dad spelled I-cup. Put I in front of C-U-P. And I said, okay, I-C-U-P. And it kills him. It kills him. To an eight-year-old, that is like Richard Pryor. That's Eddie Murphy wrong. That's Eddie Murphy wrong. You should ask him if he wants to be in the Pen15 Club. Does anyone know that? You guys don't know what that is? The what? Write it out. Pen15. Oh, I see what you did there. Oh, you dirty guy. She's always got dirt. She always has pen 15 on the brain. Always. She does. Always. Pen 15. She's all about it. I was in the pen 15 club. Several times from what I hear. Well. The president. Okay. Well, I guess we just. I'm not only a member. Well, okay. I got it. There's a new term that we're going to coin here. The term is called passive glossing. Okay, it's like passive aggression, but it's a way to gloss yourself and do it passively. For instance, Jay writes in his recap, Went surfing yesterday and it was wicked cold. So cold. Wicked? Wicked. When I went to put on my wetsuit, I discovered that I had brought my son Finn's suit. He's 19.
19 and like a buck 50 soaking wet. Maybe. I mean, maybe. More like 130. I mean, I just need you to know the boy is young, handsome, and in shape. Okay? That's all anybody needs to know. I worked my butt off to get in that suit. I mean, I really did. It was tight. I think I may have thrown my back out getting it on, but surf was all right. Damn, I look good in that tight suit. I'm not kidding. No. Shut up. It's not. He didn't really write that. I just underlined it in red. Oh, my God. He sure did. He wrote it. How can you not look good in a suit that's like two times too small? It's like Mikey wearing a girdle. Oh, that looks more like a sausage. Guys look gross in wetsuits. Listen, I can't help it that I wear a 19-year-old's wetsuit. And I'm 48. I can't help it. Oh. One of my buddies said, hey, you got bragging rights. Sorry.
What does that mean? You fit a small, like, wood. Hello? I put on a 19-year-old's witsuit. What do you mean bragging rights if you don't get it? Oh, man. I'll tell you what it means. It means I am in such good shape. It might have well been Jasper since eight. He's eight years old. The only parts that are too tight were the legs and the arms. Yeah. That's just because muscles. Well, there's another part that wasn't tight at all, but that's because I'm like a Ken doll down there. Yeah, plenty of room in the wiener department. Yeah. It looked like a pouch. Because it runs with the family, that's why. He's cursed, too? No. Oh, boy. Like a fire engine. Hello. Hello, this is Jay Isbell for Small Wieners Anonymous. If you're a male between the age of zero and 95, and you have a small wiener, we know what you're going through. Never had any complaints. off my chair. What was that you warmed up earlier? Those were like little sausages. I call them Little Mikey's. Little Mikey's. I walked out there and I go, and Woods was out there and I pointed at it and I go, Woods, does that what it looks like? You sing sausage. Woods goes, identical J. Identical J. Ribble up turkey sausage.
Oh, boy. L.O.B. thinks that she beat her boyfriend in wrestling. I did. You didn't, though, L.O.B. You didn't. I've seen his body. And you didn't. Guys will let their girlfriends. No, he thought I gave up, and I came with a sneak attack, and I flipped him over the bed. We do that, though, L.O.B. As guys, we do that to make our chick think that they got us. He fell a three-foot drop off the bed. He fell to the ground. That's awesome. He goes, okay, and it happened. Yeah, because he's about to give up and give me the back hair. No, because he thought that I had given up. And so I came, and I pushed his neck with my hand, and I flipped him with my leg. Oh, my God. Oh, my Lord. You can't do that. What kind of creepy sex games do they play over in L.O.B.'s house? She says, the two of them, she says, they're always wrestling and stuff. Romping. She calls it romping. You won't understand why. It's because he wouldn't tell me why this name Kathy was written on a Post-it. You are. You are. Hole. Hole.
Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow. Is that what you think? Crazy. Is that what you think? Oh, my God. Is that what you think? He says I ask too many questions. Let me believe what I think because it's so great. He says I ask too many questions. You do. And I don't always have to have all the answers. And he had the name Kathy written on a post. And I was like, what's that say Kathy for? And he was like, it's killing you, isn't it? And that is the brilliance of Matt is that he knew exactly. That you would ask. And dude. If I would do it all the time. And listen. Waterboarding is not as bad as L.O.B. not knowing who the hell Kathy is. Oh yeah. It wasn't. Kathy. It drove her insane. She's still like that. Literally like in a. Straight jacket. Straight jacket. In a room like. Who's Kathy? We had these tiny little post-its. The post-it was the smallest post-it I'd ever seen. And all there was on there was a Sharpie and it said Kathy. And I was like, what does that mean? If I was Matt, I would do stuff like that. All the time. Suzanne. He kept it over my head for like 12 hours so I wouldn't talk to him.
I was like, I'm not talking to you until you tell me who Kathy is. So he was trying to, like, wrestle me and come. He was like, come on. Who's Kathy? Who's Kathy? Who's Kathy? It turns out it was the mother of the private party that he was playing. And the woman said, if I'm not here, ask for Kathy. And she thought, that's a prostitute. No, I didn't. Oh, Kathy is the sexual intercourse that you plan on having. Tina, I probably would have thought that. But I knew it was like Tina. Sorry to any Tinas out there. We're sorry, Tiffany. We're sorry. Kathy, I knew it was like an older woman's name. Sorry to any Kathys out there that are young. She's like, who's this whore? Who is this whore? If it said Jacob, I would have had the same. I just wanted to know. Would you? If it said Jacob? Give me a polygraph. I promise you, I just wanted to know. I was just like, oh, what's that? She's lying. I was feeling her pulse. Listen, it would drive her nuts not knowing who Jacob is, but not the same. No. Who the hell is Kathy? Who's Kathy? I thought maybe it was the name of a private jeweler, and that's why I didn't want to tell her. Shut up!
She's hiding her face in a scar. Yeah, good. She's hiding her face in a scar. L.O.B. is unmarried. She's my favorite. She's my favorite. I know. She's insane. Gosh, I love you. You're so crazy. It's crazy. Like a bat poop. You abused your boyfriend. Because he wouldn't tell you. No, he eventually did tell me, but then... You're like, is Kathy a private jeweler? Yeah. Is Kathy... He didn't want to tell me and he can't lie because he's the worst liar. So I thought he just wasn't like being quick enough to come up with who it was. So he was like trying to keep it. No, he just knew that it would make you nuts. I love that. How long in real time did he keep it from you? 12 hours. 12? Oh, that's for real. Like, you got to understand though. In L.O.B. time, that's four days. Yeah. That's four days. He kept it from her for four days. I let it go like once or twice, and then I finally was like, who's Kathy? Who's Kathy? Tell me who's Kathy is. That's great, too, because she thought to herself, fine, I'm going to ignore it. I don't need to know. But she couldn't. I was pretending to read a magazine article, and he was like, what's she reading? What have you gotten from that article? And I was like, and he goes.
Who shakes their head yes while they're reading? In her brain, all in her brain was Kathy, Kathy, Kathy, Kathy, Kathy. And Kathy, like, whore. Yeah, this is her deal. She's like, Kathy wears angel perfume. Oh, yeah. Kathy. She could be a stripper. Yeah, Kathy. Kathy the stripper. Yeah, in her mind, she's like, Kathy is. The whoriest whore. Oh, slut. No, I wanted Kathy to be involved in jewelry somehow. Put the words in your mouth. Let your voice be heard on The Mikey Show now. Why don't you tell him the whole story? Time to wake up, sir. Call 570-1949. Or shoot him a text at 949mikey at gmail.com. Shut up. More of The Mikey Show coming up in minutes on FM 94.9. That's the sound of a fuse burning. As long as it's burning, there's still time to get to the BMW Mission to Drive sales event on now at your local BMW center. While you can, take advantage of an up to $2,500 credit toward a new BMW. Hmm, those are real sparks. Test drive any model from the legendary lineup, including the all-new 6 Series, featured in the new movie Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol, in theaters this December. Technologically advanced and fuel efficient, every BMW earns the title...
The ultimate driving machine. That fuse is burning down remarkably fast. Take advantage of this immediately as the $2,500 credit will soon self-destruct. There. I made it with two inches of fuse to spare. Don't cut it that close. Come in today. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to attend the BMW Mission to Drive sales event this weekend. See your San Diego County BMW Center for details. I'm going to wrap my holidays up. Colored princesses. Everything. Brochures, flyers. Documents copied. Documents bound. Gotta take a passport photo. Fax a message. Check my mail. Notarize it. Laminate it. Find it. Mail it. Dun, dun, dun. Why drive all over town this holiday season or get locked into one choice for shipping? Wrap it up with one stop at your neighborhood postal annex. Save gas. Save time. Save money.
Mail the cards, pack the presents, ship the gifts. I'm all done. Postal Annex. The sound of business. Compare FedEx, UPS, and postal rates for your best option. An AT&T phone or tablet is the perfect gift. And the AT&T holiday sale is the best time to get one. I mean, who doesn't like sending photos or downloading HD videos on the go? When you give someone a phone or tablet, they think, wow, this person really gets me. Suddenly, the two of you are bonded in a special warm way that will really come in handy when, say, you need someone to watch your cat, Mojo, or move a couch up a spiral staircase. Come to the AT&T Holiday Sale, and remember, you're not just getting a great deal on a phone or tablet, you're getting someone who will help repave your driveway. AT&T. Rethink possible. Come in and save on the perfect gift from AT&T, like the Samsung Galaxy S2 4G smartphone, for free when you purchase the Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 for $479.99.
Limited 4G LTE availability in select markets. Samsung Galaxy Tab 8.9 requires a two-year agreement with minimum $35 monthly data plan. Samsung Galaxy S2 is free with a two-year voice agreement and minimum $15 monthly data plan. Other charges and restrictions apply. Visit att.com or store for details. My favorite instrument is the triangle. My favorite flavor is caramel. My favorite animal is the seahorse. My favorite word is undulating. My favorite parent is my mom. Sorry, Dad. My favorite McCafe drink? I can't pick just one. Come take a fresh look at McCafe's luscious beverages made just for you with real whipped cream, rich chocolate, and drizzled indulgently with caramel. Whether it's the new caramel hot chocolate or an iced or hot caramel mocha, stop in today to find your new favorite, the simple joy of caramel at participating McDonald's. Listen to this. What? You know what? You better sit down. But we're in an elevator. Trust me. Sit down. Fine. Ow. Oh, sorry. It's okay. It's back. What's back? It. You mean? Yep. Awesome. Excuse me, what's back? McRib. Tender pork. Slathered and tangy barbecue sauce. Pickles. Onions. Toasted bun. I love McRib. Can I get your number? The McRib sandwich is back for a limited time. Just $2.79. Only at McDonald's. Price and participation may vary. My robotic assistant Al and I have tested out the new Scion IQ. Scion IQ is the world's smallest four-seater. Scion IQ has 11 airbags.
Scion IQ is better than Al. Get to your local Scion dealer and check out the new IQ starting at $15,995. Scion, what moves you? Size claim certified by AMCI Testing. Call 1-866-240-6684 for claim details. MSRP includes delivery, processing, and handling fee. Excludes taxes, title, license, and optional equipment. Dealer price will vary. There's nothing like knowing someone's got your back, especially if that someone is Navy Federal Credit Union. Serving the military and their families at over 200 branches worldwide with 24-7 accessibility by phone and online. It's superior service and convenience. We're not a bank and more than just a credit union. See why it's better to belong at Navy Federal than to bank anywhere else. If you or your family are in the military or DOD, join today at NavyFederal.org. Federally insured by NCUA. Good effort there, Tembo, but I think the kids are sounding just fine on their own. Okay, thanks for trying, though. Okay, and one, and two, and here we go. Hot. All righty, Tembo, you win. Let's take it from the top again, everybody, but this time let's do it the elephant's way. And one, and two, and a jungle.
Jungle Bells is back at the San Diego Zoo. Celebrate the season with the animals as the zoo becomes a winter wonderland with strolling carolers and special holiday attractions for all. Only at the San Diego Zoo's Jungle Bells. Open most evenings through January 1st. Visit sandiegozoo.org for details. Coca-Cola is proud to be the official beverage sponsor of the San Diego Zoo. This holiday season, show that special someone how much you really care about powerful, efficient, turbocharged engines. Just like the one found in the C250 sports sedan, along with aggressive new body styling and a completely redesigned interior, the new C-Class commands the road with over 2,000 new refinements. Come into the Mercedes-Benz Winter Event now and get the Mercedes-Benz you've always dreamed of for a price you never dreamed possible. Lease the 2012 C250 sports sedan for only $349 a month for 30 months with $4,009 due at signing, or get one for just 1.9% APR for 37 to 66 months with a special credit on your first two months payment up to a total of $1,300. But hurry, offers end January 3rd. The Mercedes-Benz Winter Event. May all your holiday wishes come true.
Available only to qualified customers exclusively through Mercedes-Benz Financial Services and participating dealers through January 3, 2012. Some equipment described as optional. Call 1-800-FOR-MERCEDES for offer details. See your Mercedes-Benz dealer of San Diego County. Visit Hohen Motors in Carlsbad, Mercedes-Benz of Escondido, and Mercedes-Benz of San Diego. This report, it's brought to you by Navy Federal Credit Union. Member Mall is Navy Federal's exclusive online shopping mall, where your rewards get mega multiplied. Go to NavyFederal.org to get started. Lots of slowing everywhere. We'll start you off here on the 805 northbound, Murray Ridge Road, down to about Home Avenue, 13 miles an hour. Also, as you're traveling through the Lemon Grove, there's an accident here on the 94 westbound. It's right past College Avenue. Looks like minor injuries. The 163 northbound at Washington Street, there was an ambulance on the scene earlier. Still some delays, though, all the way down from the 5 northbound on the 94 east all the way down to 7th Street. Solid. 10 miles an hour chula vista an accident on the five northbound right past l street this report also brought to you by cox business cox business providing solutions for all your business communication needs supported by a local team cox knows business visit online at coxbusiness.com i'm stacy cohen on fm 94.9
Lincoln Financial Media Station. And now back to The Mikey Show with Mikey. I got a box of, you know, stuff in the mail because I like to shop on the Internet. Lauren. I'm not a crier. Woods. I used to drink a lot. And Jay. How about you let me raise my own kid? On FM 94.9. If you were not listening earlier, we talked a lot about my friend Lou Bush who passed away last week. And Lou's services are going to be on Thursday. And to honor him on Thursday, what we're going to do is play back some of the cool moments with Lou when he would fill in. He filled in for me. And when I would go on vacation. Why? Because Lou was a lot of stuff. He was funny. And a lot like Woods, he only knew how to be Lou. He only knew how to be Lou. So you were going to get the genuine McCoy.
When you talk to Lou and, you know, this happened last week. Really, really sad. And somebody that I care really deeply about. So it was a real sad news. And so I would ask that people keep his family and your thoughts and prayers. They're going through a tough time. And, you know, we're going to take Thursday off because I'm going to be speaking. At his memorial. And like I said. We'll play back a couple of those clips. A couple of those cool clips. And moments with Lou. And I'm looking forward to that. And I hope that you are too. Let's see. An M1 is a Mikey show listener. When you call in, you turn your radio down, get to the point. You do not cuss. That's what makes you an M1. You listen for long periods of time. You're constantly turning people on to FM 94.9 and the Mikey show. You're always at work doing that. You are constant. If you know people that listen to something different, you say, why are you listening to that? You should be listening to the Mikey show. And when they go.
I don't like that crap because of blah, blah, blah. You go, well, you haven't listened to it. Because people are going to complain. Everybody likes to complain. You just get them to listen. Yeah, just tell them to zip your lip and tune in. And tune in. I'll check it out. Just give you a smack in the mouth if you don't. Exactly. That'll teach them. I'm sure. That'll show them. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, if you didn't hear earlier that the Chargers were able to get a victory yesterday over the Bills 37-10. Now, we needed a little bit of help from the Broncos. We needed the Broncos to lose. We needed help from the Bears. We needed the Broncos to lose. They did not lose. The Raiders did, though. They got smoked by the Green Bay Packers yesterday. The Green Bay Packers, by the way, remain undefeated. They are 13-0. They beat the Raiders 46-16 yesterday. No team except for the Miami Dolphins has ever won all the games, including the Super Bowl. For me, I want to see Green Bay do it. Just so I never have to hear Mercury Morris and the rest of those clowns from the Dolphins. Nick Bonacani. Mercury Morris is a world-class douche nozzle. Why do you say that? Because he's a jerk. He's a jerk and he's very flippant. You don't know the man, do you? Yeah.
I do. Yeah, Mike, I actually, he was my roommate in college. I know Mercury very well. We called him Merc. You called him Merc. Hey, Merc. He's just a pud, so I hope that, I'd like to see the Green Bay Packers do it for that reason alone. The Patriots went undefeated, but then they lost the Super Bowl. To the Giants. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Let's see. 570-194-9 is the number if you want to give us a call. We would love to hear from you. Let's see. There's a new study that says that they have the perfect diet for you for the holidays. The perfect diet for you for the holidays. University Hospital in South Manchester, England. Oh, Manchester. That's correct. They've found a new diet that sounds very perfect, actually, for managing the holiday parties and meals and gravy. What are you doing, Jay? Did you fart?
No, Woods was coughing around me. Oh. They had one group in the study eat a 1,500 calorie a day diet. And then the other group ate normal. Except twice a week they didn't eat any carb heavy stuff like breads and pastas and potatoes and rice and stuff like that. And they found that the people who cut carbs twice a week lost almost twice as much weight. Whoa. In four months as people that just tried. cutting back a little bit. Wow, and the calorie intake. And the carbs. The carbs, I guess, kill us. The carbs get us. Like those cakes and pies. Burritos. Everything that tastes good. Cookies. Jay just trying to get me over there with the burritos and the enchiladas. I think he was talking about the tortilla. Trying to make you health conscious. Trying to make me health. Fruitcake is on the line. Hi, Fruitcake. Hello, Michael. How are you? I'm fabulous.
Fabulous weekend here. You're going to let me introduce you? Absolutely. Fruitcake is a fruitcake that you could find on any of the shelves around here. But this particular fruitcake comes to us from the Vons in Mission Valleys on aisle seven. Aisle seven. And you're just over there. You're hanging out. Oh, yeah, I'm here. It's the holiday season, and everybody loves fruitcake at the holidays, right? Am I right? I don't know, though, because we don't want to beef up. Yeah, you don't want to get too heavy. Yeah. But besides that fruitcake, nobody really likes fruitcake. Lauren, from what I've heard, you like to beef up. Yeah, but not with fatty carbs. All right, so fruitcake. Yes. That's my favorite. Oh, my God, I love Jack Frost. Okay. Fruitcake, you realize that... It's Mikey. Yes, Mikey. You realize that fruitcake is one of the most least popular items. It's outdated. Yeah, the holidays. Honey, I wouldn't talk to anyone about being outdated. Okay. I understand the reference.
I don't either. I don't know what you're getting at. I'm not going to sit here and be insulted. I am a delicious treat for the holidays, especially Christmas. Yeah. And I can tell you, if you cut a slice of me, put me in your mouth, I will melt in your mouth. Aren't you, like, soaked in rum or something? Yes, I am, Lauren. Puerto Rican rum. Right up your alley. Is it? Is it? Isn't it? Hey, fruitcake. Fruitcake. Yes, Michael. You claim to be delicious. I am so delicious. But you've been there since the 70s on the same aisle. Yeah. Well, listen, I'm a classic. Okay, and a classic never dies. Classic. Some people will call you like a player. Some people might call you a player. Now listen, you're getting under my skin.
If you're just tuning in, we're talking to Fruitcake on Aisle 7 at Vaughn. Holiday Fruitcake. Holiday Fruitcake. I am here. I'm $7.99. Price hasn't changed in 40 years. Yes, that's right. If you ask me, I am full of nuts and cherries and all sorts of delicious things. A Puerto Rican rum glaze. LLB's favorite type of glaze. Who are we kidding? Oh, wow. Thank you, fruitcake. Thank you. That is, uh, that is holiday. That is holiday fruitcake calling. He calls, uh, each year. He is feisty. Yes, he is. He really gets feisty. I don't know why. He gets angry. I don't know why he gets so mad. I mean, we're just trying to have a conversation with a guy. I think you might have insulted him. I guess. Maybe. He was a little salty. M1 Ninja is on the line from Encinitas. Hi. Hey, guys. How are you? Good. Well, happy holidays. Happy holidays. Happy Christmas or happy Christmaca. Happy Kwanzaa. Let's not forget.
I was just calling, Mikey, you were saying earlier about introducing new people. And I know I've told you, Mikey, through other venues, that I've been at M1 for about a year and a half now. And I introduced my boyfriend to your show. And he thought he doesn't like... What? That's right. Your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. My boyfriend. Yeah. And he thought before he heard your show that all morning shows were like the wacky, like, woo, woo. Right. Pull a prank and make a... Right. Honking the horns, the whole thing. Exactly. And I told him, no. If you want to be on my team... Teen Ninja. There you go. And then you have to be cool with this because this is a part of my life. Yeah. There you go. If you want to be my lover. Got to get with my friends. And that's the deal. I think that the thing that is so different about M1s and M1 Nation is that we're on your mind even when we're not on the radio. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no, no. Seriously, I throw out a...
Really? Or is it? Are you? And he's like, where did you get that from? I'm like, if you were listening, you would know. I'm going to give you a word of advice because I did it with my wife during an argument. And I'm going to give you a word of advice. Don't do this. If you're arguing with your SIG other and they mess a word up, don't say, what's frosting? No, I've done that. I've done that. I've done it. Her face, when I did the what's flossing. Do you remember the word? Was it flossing? Flossing. No, it wasn't. I don't remember what it was. Frosting. It was frosting. And she goes, and the flossing, and I go, what's flossing? Oh, God, you're a dead man. You're a dead man. I said it so smug. Smug. And the frosting on the cake, Mike, is that you're just... Yeah, yeah. It was like that. It was like that. She goes, you want to know what the frosting on the cake... And I go, what's frosting? Oh, God. Oh, God. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. And she shot the daggers. Oh, yeah. And she said... Legitimately, she used Mikey Show lexicon was the next thing out of her mouth. She goes, really? Oh, wow.
No, no. My thing this weekend was my boyfriend said, you know, I'm really okay with it. And I said, are you? Are you? Are you? I mean, I'm telling you, it happens. I'll do it. Sometimes I'll be talking to somebody and I don't want to be rude and say it. But in my head, I'm like, are you? Are you? My boyfriend, Matt Commerce, will try to use Mikey's show words against me. Well, oh my gosh. He'll do stuff like that. And I go, this isn't the Mikey show. You're not on the show. That's fantastic. We'll do the is it. Is it? This isn't the Mikey show. Mine at my house is very evolved. Like my wife can say something and I'll go, and she knows that that means is it. That's me in my very vehement way of doing it. Right. It's so, you're so against it. Yeah, you need to do, you need to make dinner. Right.
Yes. It's an upper echelon. Yes. It takes a while to get it. It's to the next level. It's the next level. To the next level. You're serious when that happens. All right. Thank you, Ninja. We love you. Thanks, Ninja. Ninja. We love you. Do. Do you. You. Do you. Thank you. One of my favorite names. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Really? Good luck with your boyfriend. Oh, God. Do you have a boyfriend? Woods. Oh, God. Really? Do you remember that time that you interviewed that young girl and your voice changed? No, I don't. I'm only haunted by it every day of my life. I think it was just last year. You were just a 35-year-old man interviewing 15-year-old girls. She was 21. You were and are currently married. That's badass. She does not. She has several boyfriends. What was her name? I think it was Taylor. One of my favorite names. When he talked to guys interviewing him.
Woods would talk, hey, can I ask you, hey, man, let me ask a couple questions. Hey, think about the holiday season. But when he talked to a young woman. Which one in your stocking? Oh, God. She could have said her name was Gertrude. Say it. Who's Gertrude? One of my favorite names. I don't know. Who's Taylor? Do you have a boyfriend? Please don't. Like. Please don't. Oh, this one hurts. Like, do you have a boyfriend? Like. I turned into a 16-year-old serial killer. You wanted to communicate through gesture and voice. You wanted to communicate, hey, I'm young. I'm hip. I'm hip. He was chewing on an erasable pen. Can we be friends? What happened to me? Why did I do that? It's instinctual. I believe. It's instinctual. You are like a lion. You're a lion. A lot of sex predators do that. No, it's not a sex predator. You're constantly a lion. You can take the lion out of the jungle. You can't take the jungle out of the lion. Yeah, it's true. You were thinking with little woods. Big woods. Do you have a boyfriend? Why? I believe he was doing that thing that he does when he talks to his black friends, too. When he'll start to talk like he's black, too. Yeah, yeah, what's up?
Yo, what's up? What up, son? Why do I do it? You're a lady. I'm trying to relate. You're adapting. So he was trying to be like a 16-year-old cool kid. Okay. Hey, what's your name? Taylor. Taylor. One of my favorite names. Why would I say that? Why would I say that? Because you're trying to pick her up. I'm married. Yeah, well. You could take. Take the lion out of the jungle. I wasn't going to make sex or anything. You can't take the jungle out of the lion. You got a big jungle in your lion. Yeah. What do you want for Christmas this year? What do you want? Oh, be honest. Oh, my God. Be honest or I will spank you. I'll know it. I'll know. If you're naughty and you lie to me, I will give you a panking like you have. Be honest. I love you. Hey, what's your name? Taylor. Taylor. One of my favorite names. Rapist. What do you want to do with this issue? Be honest. Be honest. I sound like I'm in a trench coat. Yeah. And a sock on my dong. That's all I'm wearing. And by the way, when Woods presented this to me, it wasn't presented like that's the joke. No. It was presented like, hey, I did my job. He didn't even hear the difference. And I played this back the first time and I go, oh.
My God. It's extracting oil. I was like... If you had just, like, glazed over it, I probably wouldn't have, you know, said anything. But when you pointed that out, I was like, pervert. Oh. Giant pervert. I want to wrestle you so freaking bad. What? I have a few. You have a few boyfriends. Oh, God. A few boyfriends. I will love you finally. A few boyfriends. Well, which one in your stocking? I'm so stupid. Are you wearing a stocking? I sound like I'm wearing a stocking over my head. Yeah. Yeah, over my face. That's what I sound like. Would you want your stock? If you hit the... I'm going to ask your few boyfriends for Christmas. Oh, God. Please stop. Yeah, I want a kangaroo. She wants it. It couldn't have been better. I mean, it couldn't have been a better answer to just absolutely put out there the youth, the immaturity, the absolute... Naivete. The naivete. I want a kangaroo. I mean, and at that point, the lion says, I'm about to pounce. Single Woods, I could have gotten right there. But you really want a kangaroo. A kangaroo? What's a kangaroo? What's a kangaroo?
A kangaroo. A kangaroo. I hate you all. We have to break, I think. No, we do not. You really want a kangaroo. We do. You want a kangaroo? Okay. What about from your American boyfriend? Boyfriend? Americans. American buffers. And also, you got to realize, like, now he's kind of, like, being sarcastic. Yeah, now I'm kind of pissy that she has boyfriends. Yeah, and so you're being sarcastic. Like, you want her to know. I'm kind of jealous. Yeah, I'm a little jealous. I'm a little bit jealous. And I'm a little hurt. I'm a little hurt. I'm a little jealous. And I'm American. Why didn't you think about me as a boyfriend? What about me? I know I'm fat and white. Yeah, sorry. I could be a boyfriend. Yeah. If you like a guy that's so in love with you that he's upset about your other boyfriend. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. I want a shopping spree. Oh, God. A whole spree. A whole spree. Not a half one. You naughty shopper. You naughty shopper, you. Give me those shopping bags. He had naughty shopper horse. Give me, you naughty shopper. I'm an idiot. Yes. A whole spree. Let me see your shopping list. Let me see that.
whole spree. You know what? You're a glutton for sprees. I'm going to give you a half spree. You guys, you have an insatiable hunger for sprees. You spree whore. If you knew, if you had to be at my house tonight when I catch the beating for this that I catch from my wife, Jamie, she looks at me and she goes, You're so smarmy. You are just so smarmy. And I looked at her. I was like, thanks. Worked on you, didn't it? One of my favorite names. Oh, God. It is. Thing is, is he lives in New York, and I kind of want him to buy me. I'm seething. Oh, furious. I'm furious. New York, and then take me shopping. Pretty small wish. Oh, God. What would you want in your stocking? Oh, God. You know I like the Yankees. And you know that that's a metaphor, right? When I say, what do you want in your stocking? I got something to fit in your stocking. Yeah, that's right. I'd like to stuff that stocking up in your stocking. You want a Trojan stocking? Here's my question. Have you been naughty or nice? What list are you going to be on, Tay-Tay? Do you want all in your stocking? Send them those. What would you want in your stocking?
Oh, God. He's wearing a Santa suit. Yeah. No, he is. I'm wearing a trench coat. I'm wearing a trench coat with a pantyhose over my head. A nude Santa robe. These are things I need, like deodorant and toothpaste. Picture Santa Claus only with a nylon over his hair. And a robe on instead of a suit. Deodorant. What if he gave you a strong amount of deodorant? I'd be okay with that. Okay. As long as it came with the shopping spree. I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Dude. Like a whore in church right now. I'm sweating. How is it that we've heard this thing 50 times? It kills me. How is it? And every single time, it's like it's brand new. I love it. It's brand new. I hate it so much. It's brand new. In my mind, I make up how creepy he is, and then we play it, and I'm like, oh, no. Creepier than I thought. Yeah, yeah. Oh, gosh. I hate buying that stuff. Me too. Okay. Okay. Okay. And toilet paper. Oh, God. And toilet paper. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. And toilet paper. Toilet paper. And toilet paper. Why was I being ducky? Because I'm pretty and me. Why? And paper towels. Why am I ducky? Paper towels. Yeah, you get paper towels. Paper towels. Paper towels. Why? Why? Why am I ducky? And soap.
Why am I ducky? I'm ducky. I'm ducky. It's one of my all-time favorite things. That interview, that interview. Oh, it's the greatest. That's badass. Have a Merry Christmas. Sex pervert. Sex pervert. We have to find her. We have to find Taylor. I just want to... 20 years from now, I want to check in with Taylor. I mean... Hey, how you doing? This is Taylor. Yeah, this is Taylor. I remember the day that he interviewed me. He smoked too many kangaroos. I'm still schemed out by that guy. Oh, I love it. Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a wanted picture of me in that grocery store. That's a True Statement is coming up next. You can get in line or charge ahead. Blend in or break through. Settle or unleash. If you believe in challenging the status quo instead of accepting it, then your car is waiting. Infinity with more daring designs.
more powerful engines, and world's firsts, like a round view monitor and blind spot intervention system, Infiniti challenges everything a luxury car can be. Consider this your cry of defiance. Infiniti. Inspired performance. Infiniti is also challenging what a lease offer can be. At the Limited Engagement Winter Event, take the 2012 G25 sedan. Just $2.99 a month for 39 months with $32.98 initial payment due at signing. Tax, title, license, and options extra. For lease details, call 800-545-8849 or visit infinityusa.com. Offer ends January 3rd. See retailer for details. Are you looking for the absolute best place to buy a pair of high-quality, brand-name sheepskin boots or slippers, and at the best price? Boot World is San Diego's home of sheepskin, and I'm here to tell you why. This is Ed Stone, president of Boot World. Boot World has the largest selection of the most popular, quality, brand-name sheepskin. Ugg Australia, Aussie Dogs, Stahikam, and Old Friend. You'll find a huge selection of all the classics and lots of unique styles to help you make your own personal statement without driving all over town. Plus, Boot World has carefully selected and priced our sheepskin boots and slippers to have the absolute finest product in each price range.
This is quality that will be enjoyed for years to come. Boot World wants to help you get the sheepskin footwear you want, so don't wait. Come in now to Boot World while the selection of boots and slippers for men, women, and children are at their best. You'll find the sheepskin you want at San Diego's Home of Sheepskin. Boot World on Convoy in Kearney Mesa, Plaza Comino Real in Carlsbad, San Marcos, El Cajon, Chula Vista, Midway Drive, and bootworld.com. They say it's better to give than to receive. Well, at Navy Federal, we've found a way to do both. With our new Navy Federal Visa Cash Rewards credit card, you can buy something nice for someone else and get cash back to spend smartly however you choose. And with low rates, no caps on the amount of rewards received, and no expiration on rewards, you get the most out of every dollar you spend. So this season, you can give a little and receive a lot with rewards that really add up. To find out more, visit NavyFederal.org. My robotic assistant Al and I have tested out the new Scion IQ. Scion IQ is the world's smallest four-seater. Scion IQ has 11 airbags. Scion IQ is better than Al. Get to your local Scion dealer and check out the new IQ starting at $15,995. Scion, what moves you? Size claim certified by AMCI Testing. Call 1-866-240-6684 for claim details. MSRP includes delivery, processing, and handling fee. Excludes taxes, title, license, and optional equipment. Dealer price will vary. I'm thirsty.
You're thirsty. Really thirsty. When's the last time you looked in the fridge? I don't know. When was the last time Mom went shopping? Uh, like today. You should really check it out. And grab yourself a bottle of Arrowhead brand 100% Mountain Spring water while you're in there. Why is it snoring in our refrigerator? That was Grinchmas, and that's why we're drinking Arrowhead water. Why? Because every specially marked bottle of Arrowhead water lets you save $15 on general admission to Universal Studios Hollywood, where the whole family can play in real snow, see the celebrity tree lighting, and meet the Grinch and his dog, Max, too. Then I'm putting Arrowhead on my Grinchmas list. Save $15 on general admission to Universal Studios Hollywood when you bring a specially marked Arrowhead label to the front gate ticket booth. Offer ends 430-12. Restrictions apply. Visit UniversalStudiosHollywood.com slash Arrowhead for full terms and conditions. Good day, drivers. As we speak, a world-renowned group of performance specialists are preparing to launch an event of epic proportions. Your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to take full advantage of the situation. Codename the BMW Mission to Drive sales event. Once there, test drive any new BMW from the legendary lineup, including the all-new 6 Series, featured in the new movie Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol.
in theaters this December. For a short period of time, you'll have access to an up to $2,500 credit toward a new 2012 BMW. Gather all intel about the cutting-edge, fuel-efficient vehicles that BMW engineers. Then drop into the BMW Mission to Drive sales event at your local BMW center today. Use of a zipline is optional. But move on this immediately, as the $2,500 credit will soon self-destruct. Your mission, should you choose to accept it. is to attend the BMW Mission to Drive sales event this weekend. See your San Diego County BMW Center for details. Sorry to be the one to have to tell you. Oh my God. And now back to the Mikey Show. With Mikey. Mikey. He sees the word wonderful. Again. I'm 40. It's okay. Woods. Your boy gets in the shower and I have very little hair and I have to condition, of course, because it smells so good and it feels so good when you condition. Lauren. When I have to say smart things on the spot, I'm like... And Jay. Please grow up. On FM 94.9. to the candlelight room tonight. My name is Mike. I'll be your pianist, and I'm also taking requests. He said pianist, huh? Yeah. As you can see, I am playing to a boombox, so I will play the piano to the boombox of the band. And don't be shy with that tip. Ready to do this? That's a true statement. It scares me.
I know. Well, it scares all of us every single time. Swirl them up in there. Swirl them up. Swirl them up real good. Okay. Swirl it. You're not swirling. Come on, Mike. You're not swirling. Swirl it. I'm swirling. Swirl up those statements. I'm swirling the statements. Oh, boy. Oh, God. Oh, boy. One of us wrote these. We believe it to be a true statement. After we read it, you'll hear the voice of the person that wrote it. First one is, you should have to stand up. In order for video games to work. That's a true statement. Wow. Shit. Get off your fat butt. What if your butt's not fat? Still, it's not going to hurt you. Isn't it the right to be fat? No, it's not. It's a drain on our economy. She's right. Video games don't make you fat. Sitting.
Makes you fat. You're sitting right now. Sedentary. Yeah, I know. But I have to for work. And I get up and walk around. People sit for like 14 hours and play these games. Now, LLB, when I was sick, I was at home and I was playing PlayStation 3. And I got to the Super Bowl. That's okay if you're sick. Well, I was sick, but I got to the Super Bowl and I threw a costly interception. You mean you pushed A instead of B? Yeah, it was costly. I got out of my bed and I played the last two minutes standing in front of the TV, hacking up phlegm like this, trying to get the ball back for my offense. That's how sick you were? And by the way, I did get the ball back and I won the Super Bowl on a Hail Mary to Calvin Johnson. There is no way that Woods was going to be capable of not letting you know. that he did, in fact, go on to win this particular game of Madden. Yeah, I was playing. I was the Detroit Lions. There's no way. It's got to be hours and hours. There's no way. 80-yard pass play to Calvin Johnson with three seconds left. He couldn't. There is not a chance. Zero percent chance. Video game, not a real game. Super Bowl. Zero percent chance. I avoided the blitz from the left, and I slung it. Virtual Super Bowl. That he won the virtual Super Bowl. Yeah, it was awesome. I would be more down if it was just a timer that only let you play for so long. Yes.
The timer, and then you get up off your butt. It's up to your parents. Go to the arcade. Here we go. Every man should be able to drive an eight-penny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. Do we really have to wonder who wrote that? That's great, Jay. That's a very specific, Jay. It's very specific. Every man should be able to ride a longboard first, but only for a week, then be able to get on... Get your big fat toes on the nose. What kind of man can't... hammer and nail except a guy with no hands. I don't know. I would like to see you do it. In a heartbeat. Oh, maybe I bring a nail and some hammers in and see you guys go head to head. Yeah, I can hammer and nail. I'm not an idiot. I can hammer and nail. Every man should be able. And I think every man can. I don't think so. You'd be surprised.
It treated two by fours a little harder wood. Dude, I grew up hammering nails, okay? That's what I did for fun when I was a little kid. That's a true statement. Easy Chevy like a rock. That's a true statement, though. I grew up hammering nails. Yeah, I grew up hammering nails. I grew up in cold Rocky Mountain spring water. I walked to school four miles. That's right. Listen, when I was a little kid, it was my favorite bit. I grew up eating potted beef. I drive a Chevy. That's right. I smoke marbles. Those are all true statements. Silverado. It's a Chevy Silverado. It's a suburban. Like a rock. Oh, like a rock. Mary, you ready? Yeah. There is no need for a pen to be any color but black or red. That's a true statement. That is directed at me. No. To hurt me. To hurt you. She wanted to stab me. To directly. She knows I love my pens. Yes. Why? And you have a multitude of different colors over there. Why do you need so many pens? Nicole, our phone screener, just laughed because she's noticed it and thinks it's weird. Yeah. It is weird. I get it. I get it. It is weird. You don't even use them. You just have them there as a safety blanket. Nicole is 19 years old and she was out at the club this weekend telling her friends about what a weirdo you are. That's fine. Your pens. That's fine. Pens.
need to be different colors to represent different things when you're writing with them. Like your feelings? Why do you need a purple pen? Dude, purple pen is my favorite pen. That would explain why mine went missing. It probably does explain that. What are you writing in purple? It was 100% that was me. It is the best note taker. A purple pen. Is it purple like the universal gay color? Yes. It means that I enjoy men. I knew it. Save that clip. Oh, gosh. Save that. I enjoy men. Why can't you use a marker or a colored pencil? Just use a blue pen. You don't even need blue. Black and red. Oh, I'm sorry. Use a black pen. Who needs a blue pen? Jay was more bothered by my pen style than anybody. Well, that's because you needed them laid out in front of you like some crazy person. Yeah. I liked my pens in a certain way. And I could not put them right for you no matter what I did. You still don't. You still don't do it. It's because you move them and hide them. Yeah, you steal mine. You probably eat them, Mike. Yeah, you gobble everything. It's time for that gut filled with ink. Gosh, if that hand wasn't attached to your wrist, you'd eat it right off. Right. Careful, Wood. He's after you next. That's a week worth of eating. All right, are you ready?
Here's another one. Hey, Jay, thanks for the 12-second heads up. You got more than that, you crazy. It's Jay's deal. It's Jay's deal, yeah. Hey, Mike. He holds up the sign. Time to break. Yeah, you got 12 seconds, buddy. You got a minute. You got a minute. What are you going to do? You know what, Mike? Explore the space, man. Like, just take your time. Work with it. Not like you listen to me anyway. This true statement says, Parents that drive their kids too hard in sports should be arrested for child abuse. That's a true statement. That's a true statement. How can you measure that? I watched that documentary the other day on Todd Marinovich. We talked about it earlier. His dad one time made him run home in full gear from practice. That guy should go to jail. He should go to jail. How far was home? Like three miles. That's not bad. Oh, my God. He's in fifth grade. That's child abuse. Hey, and listen, I've seen some parents. I've seen some parents with their kids. That's borderline abusive. Borderline abusive. Oh, yeah. These guys should at least get a stern talking to. Yeah. From the cops. From the cops. Yeah, dude. Social service. Social service. CPS. Man. Don't be that jerkwad dad that you're a has-been and you couldn't make it, so you got to make sure your kid makes it. That's weak. It's not me because I never.
That's fair enough. I never even started to make it. That's fair enough. You know? It's funny because he's fat. Thank you. Shake me down. Not a lot of people left around. Who knows now? We have more true statements. Plus, I have a few different directions that I can go, and I will decide. Just come back. 570-1949. Or text them, 949mikey at gmail.com. More coming at them, 94.9. The Ford year-end celebration is on now at your San Diego County Ford dealers. You'll find huge savings, low financing, and incredible lease payments on our entire lineup of fuel-efficient cars, like the 41 MPG Fusion Hybrid, the 40 MPG Fiesta, even the new 40 MPG 2012 Ford Focus. Now available for just $169 a month for 27 months with $23.98 due at signing. That's right, just $169 a month for a 40 MPG Focus.
Don't miss the year-end celebration. On now at your San Diego County Ford dealer. Ford, built for San Diego. EPA estimated. Focus or Fiesta SE with SFE package. Not all buyers will qualify for low-mileage Ford credit red carpet lease. Payments may vary. Dealer determines prices. Cash due at signing is after 500 trading assistance cash. Available on 1996 or newer vehicle trading or lease terminated from 12-1-11 to 1-2-12. Lessee responsible for access wear and mileage over 23,625 miles at 20 cents per mile. Take retail delivery from dealer stock by 1-2-12. See dealer for qualifications and details. Are you looking for the absolute best place to buy a pair of high quality brand name sheepskin boots or slippers and at the best price? Boot World is San Diego's home of sheepskin and I'm here to tell you why. This is Ed Stone, president of Boot World. Boot World has the largest selection of the most popular, quality, brand-name sheepskin. Ugg Australia, Aussie Dogs, Stahikam, and Old Friend. You'll find a huge selection of all the classics and lots of unique styles to help you make your own personal statement without driving all over town. Plus, Boot World has carefully selected and priced our sheepskin boots and slippers to have the absolute finest product in each price range.
This is quality that will be enjoyed for years to come. Boot World wants to help you get the sheepskin footwear you want, so don't wait. Come in now to Boot World while the selection of boots and slippers for men, women, and children are at their best. You'll find the sheepskin you want at San Diego's home of sheepskin. Boot World on Convoy in Kearney Mesa, Plaza Comino Real in Carlsbad, San Marcos, El Cajon, Chula Vista, Midway Drive, and bootworld.com. Vons knows this is the time for celebration, and you can make every occasion even more of a celebration with Safeway Select Gourmet Appetizers. Your guests will agree. These are amazing. Serve caramelized onion and gorgonzola pastry puffs. golden flaky chicken pesto treasures, and crispy crab rangoons that rival your favorite Thai restaurants. There are over 20 delectable Safeway Select appetizers. And now when you buy any three with Vons Club, you'll save $3 instantly. With Safeway Select appetizers, it's so easy. They're ready to enjoy in minutes, giving you time to have a good time. And don't miss other fantastic Vons Club specials. Rancher's Reserve Top Round London Royal is only $2.27 a pound in the Extreme Value Pack.
Hothouse English cucumbers are 10 for only $10. And save $2 when you mix and match snack crackers. Just buy any four or more boxes in a single transaction with Vons Club. Choose from Wheat Thins, Ritz, and many more. At Vons, we'll help you make the holidays just as merry as can be. Vons, ingredients for life. State of is a drag and a trial. When I bought my cheap insurance, should have known this day would come. Now I've had an accident and I'm feeling quite alone. Called them at least 20 times, but they won't pick up the phone. Without personal service, my policy's kind of worthless. Guess I should've stayed at State Farm. That's right. I didn't think, cause they're probably all the same. Told myself, who needs top shelf? Now I'm questioning my mental health. Maybe they can take me back. I hope it's not too late to get to a better state. State Farm. Don't put yourself in a state you'll regret. Call 1-877-249-7993 today. Oh, honey, that turkey was cooked to perfection. Sometimes people need to tell teensy tiny little fibs for the sake of preserving holiday harmony. Me, I don't know you or your turkey. I'm just a spokesman for fine Honda automobiles.
So when I say you can get a Honda for one of the best deals all year right now during Happy Honda Days, it's no holiday hyperbole. Well-qualified buyers can get an incredible 0.9% APR financing on cars like the Accord, the most durable, longest-lasting car in its class. Or the Civic, the best-selling small car in America. I'm just a spokesman spoken it like it is. So see your Honda dealer today. To my sister-in-law, Jane, if you're listening, that aromatherapy candle that you sent me smells heavenly. Truly. See your Honda dealers of San Diego County today. Durability based on longevity. Longevity based on Polk U.S. vehicles and operation. Registration statistics 1998 to 2010 for cord and competing models. Best-selling claim based on Polk U.S. retail registration. Small car segment January 2008, August 2011. See dealer for financing details. Oh, I hate to get up in the morning. And now back to the Mikey Show. Oh, yeah. Mikey. Mikey. I'm in love with Woods. Woods. I'm so lonely. Lauren. I'm a lyricist. And Jay. Hey, I like to skateboard. On FM 94.9. Where'd you get this song, Mike? I had to get it on a CD because it wasn't available on iTunes. So where'd you get it? It's a special order. Amazon. Amazon had it. So now you're stuck with the whole CD.
Yeah, it's not bad. What is it, Billy Squire's Christmas? No, it's Christmas, VH1 Christmas. It's not bad. It's got Hall & Oates Jingle Bell Rock, which is a good version. It's got The Waitress's Christmas Wrapping, Pat Benatar, Please Come Home for Christmas, Queen, thank God it's Christmas, The Pretenders, David Bowie, Kate Bush, Squeeze the Smithereens, George Thurgood, The Ramones. Your boy, George Thurgood. Woods' boy, Los Lobos. The Alarm and Bob and Doug McKenzie. Oh, Bob and Doug McKenzie are on there. That's right. Overrated. Strange brew. It was great. It was funny when I was a kid. I was six. I was a kid when it was funny. I was little. That one does not hold up. Let's see. Chubby 19-year-old in Wisconsin. Mikey, how'd you get to Wisconsin? I've been holding on to it. I've been waiting for you to get to that story. Chubby, chubby, chubby. Say chubby. Say fat. Say portly. Anything. Chubby fat. Fad. That's all he's got, dude. Large. That's all he's got. He's got fat. Fat or sex. Or sex. Preferably fat sex. Two things he talks about. Hubba hubba. A chubby 19-year-old Wisconsin kid was convicted for going on a planking spree. Good. Oh, shit. Throw him away. Yeah. Lock him and throw away the key. Set an example. Yeah, no more planking. We're done. Cut the planking. He's a felon. If you don't know what planking is.
It's when you lay on your belly and you make yourself flat. Sometimes you can even arch. Yeah. Stiff as a board. Like a plank. Stiff as a board like a plank. And then somebody takes a picture of you. And it's funniest if you're planking on, you know, odd places. Yeah. It's so three months ago. Yeah, it really is. This kid got what he deserved. Yeah, he did. Get with the times, chubby. He was planking on top of an ATM. Just fun. At a Walmart. Yes, I'm in. Lowe's. Okay. Why are you in jail? Why not? What is good about it? It's such a crime. It's stupid. Oh, really? Because it's stupid. John Wayne just rolled over in his grave. John Wayne. Then he planked on a police car. Oh. Oops. And what? Did John Wayne not have a sense of humor? No. John Wayne was not into planking. It's not funny. Are you sure? He's planking right now. I think. It's true. It's true. What's the matter with it? It's funny to me. It's not funny. It was funny for like five minutes. You know what? Guess what? It's like cool to say it's not funny. No, it's not. You know what it is? It's just now reaching Wisconsin. That's why. Try to explain it to your dad. Yeah, he'll look at you and look like you're a Martian. Well, that's because I'm not my dad. Aren't you? No. He'll look at you like you're a Martian and he'll say, why do people do this? Yes, my father.
Speaks with a, not a Mexican, a Colombian accent. Why the people do? I don't always drink beer. But when I do. Oh, gosh. Alexander Hart, 19 years old, planking. That's what you get, Alex. If he was skinny, he probably wouldn't have gotten arrested. Woods, do you like to take your Mac computer into an independent coffee shop when you hate planking? No. Are you sure? Yeah. Yes. What's an independent coffee shop? It means that it isn't Starbucks. It's owned by mother and father. Much better. Oh, that's not me, dude. Planking is just lame. Yes, it is. It's lame. It was only funny for five minutes. Let the kids have their fun. It's like the freaking flash mob. Come on, you're dorks. Flash mob, funny. Dorky. Dorky. Makes me laugh. Fun. Fun. Everything makes fun. You won't watch Fletch. You won't watch Coming to America. You won't watch all these brilliant films. They're old, though, bro. It doesn't matter. They hold up. Hang on. Planking. God, you drive me crazy. This one time Eddie wanted me to watch Little Trouble in Big China. That movie sucks. Dude, it was so bad.
Yeah, but that's not a unanimous. No. Unanimously, people will tell you. Fletch. Unanimous. Fletch. In America. Do you know what I started? Oh, by the way, do you know what I started watching this weekend, L.O.B.? What? The Big Lebowski. Oh, git. The Big Legit. Yeah, overrated. It's over your head. I get it. Yeah, yeah. You don't understand it. You and Weds, you just. It can't. He's oblivion with movies. It was old. Like, I'm watching it. It looked old. It did. It looked dumb. It's dumb. It was like. Oh, boy. It was so trendy to love that movie. It is not. It is. It's hilarious. It's not trendy. Yes, it is. It's from the 90s. Yeah, but it's very cool and highbrow. Oh, it's so highbrow. Yes. Oh, you don't like The Big Lebowski? You moron. You moron. What did you watch? Ernest Goes to Jail. I bet you loved that. Yes. Did you follow it up with Young Einstein? Nice pull. Nice pull. Thank you. Nice pull, pal. Who was that guy, Yahoo Serious? Yahoo Serious. Where's that clown? Whatever happened to Yahoo? He's working at Chevron. Yahoo Serious. Remember that dude? Yeah, he was famous. He had 15 minutes, literally. No, literally 15 minutes. It was when, like, Brendan Fraser was cool. Oh, Brendan Fraser was the new It guy in Hollywood. If I see a Brendan Fraser movie, I'm like, I'm out. Except for School Ties. That was a good one. That was a good one. But that was when he was the It guy. You know what?
The first 10 minutes of The Big Lebowski made me go, see, this is why I don't watch that stuff everybody tells me to watch. But you can't put that in the same category as Fletch. You didn't like The Big Lebowski? I didn't either. It was stupid. I mean, it wasn't that I didn't get it. I just started watching the first 10 minutes of it. It was over their heads. Oh, boy. It is nice. It really ties the room together. The dude abides. Give me a white Russian. Yeah, let's go bowling. Oh, my God. It's so funny. It's stupid. It's so funny. I'm high. I'm so high. You guys are crazy. It's not about being high. Isn't it? Do they show them something? I love Friday. No, I love Friday. Yes, he smokes joints like the whole movie. Woodsy, tell me what Fletch, what's the plot? Okay, so there's this, he's a writer. He writes a column in the LA Times. Oh, that's an old movie. And it's great. And he basically goes undercover to expose this police corruption and all this stuff. But he dresses up into these different characters. It's Chevy Chase at his absolute peak. And there's no better sarcastic smart ass than Chevy Chase. Now, the only thing that will make me dislike it is if I find the humor, like, formulaic. No, it's clever. Will it surprise me? It'll take me off guard? Yes! That's what I want. Oh, God, it'll get you so... Yes, it will! Babar? Arnold Babar? It's genius! Hillary, you know what they made me watch, the two of them? What? Because I had never seen it. Dumb and Dumber.
Now, wait, wait, wait. Now, hang on. Now, hang on. Now, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You were sick. Hang on. Hang on. I bought it for you, by the way. Did you see Dumb and Dumber when it came out? Yes. Okay. If you watched Dumb and Dumber when it came out, I think it was a different experience. No. No. I saw it on video. Mikey, every time I see that movie, it's like seeing it for the first time again. And I watch it, and I'm like, my wife will walk in and go, oh, my God, again. And I'm like, yeah, the best part's coming up, the dream sequence. I'll watch it again. It's an absolute, our kids, my kids, if I ever get any, will love it. They'll love it. Just like I love Fletch, and that was 30 years ago. Maybe, how old were you when you saw Dumb and Dumber? 20, 21. No, were you? 21, 22, somewhere around there. Maybe a little older, a hair. I don't remember exactly. I didn't see it when it came out. I didn't see it when it came out. Six times in the movie theater. It is pretty funny. It's stupid funny. Six times. It is stupid funny. Maybe it's the mood you're in. It's like you have to be in the right mood. Because sometimes laughs and humor, I don't laugh at either. A lot of TV shows that people rave about are so funny.
How I Met Your Mother. Oh, I hate that show. I just watch it and I'm like... The comedies that I like are shocking and unpredictable. I don't see it coming and it's shocking. You'll like Fletch. You'll like Fletch because of the witty banter and the dialogue. He will like it. You're making me want to watch it again. You'll love it. I'll try it. Open mind. Open mind. Not Mikey. You won't be able to get past the cinematography. Yeah, don't freak out. It looks a little old. It's a little grainy. Just watch it. I'm going to try. I'm going to try it today. Full report. Fletch. I'm sure it's on Netflix. I'll try it today. Hopefully. If it's not, get it on iTunes. You're going to be so mad if I don't like it. I have to pretend I like it. No, pay attention to the dialogue. It's really clever. Chevy Chase said it is prime. I know people that like it don't just like it. They love it. Yeah. Hillary, what do you got coming up? How are you, by the way? Better. I heard you. I was gone last week. I heard you guys got the sickness. I heard you on the air on Friday. Adam kept telling me I sounded like a man on Friday. You sounded very sick. I had to come in. There was no one left to do any shows. Everybody was out sick.
But I'm better. Thank you. It was going around. It is going around. Everybody had it. So, anyhow. What did I grab? I grabbed Jane's Addiction. I grabbed The Clash, of course. The Cure, Florence and the Machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some Pinback, who are playing his belly up really soon. Nice. I'll tell you about that. Love those. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next. We will come back tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock and do this all over again. The Mikey Show's out. Get it.