The Mikey Show - FM 94.9 - 12/13/10

1:24Fly your flag through the nation because we're ready for war. It's the San Diego Chargers taking over. We won that great balance last week. We had a very similar plan to last week. We just executed better this week. And I'll tell you what, when we're moving the ball and getting first downs, I looked up, you know, one time, and I think I wanted to say I saw 14 first downs, and that was like in the first. I mean, it was early. It was early in the game. We already had 14 first downs. San Diego Chargers looked real, real good yesterday. Who were they? Guys, guys. I know it. Big win. Big win. Real good. 570-1949 is our number if you want to give us a call. And you can text us to 949mikey at gmail.com if you want to get a hold of us by text. And the full crew is back in effect. Yes. The whole squad. L.O.B. is back with us. And she's back from the land of the living. The land of the living dead. The land of the living dead. How are you feeling?

3:20I feel just a little bit sniffly now, but the worst of it is over. Knock on wood. It's done. Yeah. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. 5701949. Let's see. So we got to talk about the Chargers. We got so much to talk about. So call us, get on the phone with us and tell us what you're up to. Just want to remind everybody that there are two days. 23 hours. Two days, 23 hours. This is going to be awesome. Two days, 23 hours, 55 minutes until the Mikey-thon. How did this happen? Yeah. Have you guys ever, other than Mikey, because he's done this before, but have you ever stayed awake for 28 straight hours? Oh, I have. I did it with Mikey a few times. Yeah, I think not without some substances. Ditto. Yeah. In a long, long life. That is a long time ago. Long time ago. Long time ago. Yeah. Well, it's very taxing and it's a lot of fun. Do you know what I'm tripping out about the most? The one thing. I have one thing that's skeeving me out. That I'm going to be so loopy that I curse. You know how petrified I am about cursing on the radio? That at some point I'm going to be like, you know what? And just start cursing. I have nightmares that I'm going to curse.

4:44Don't. I know. I don't want to. Yeah, you won't. Won't I? No, you won't. Won't I? Well, I've done it. I've done it. You've done it. You don't curse, though. Yeah, I know, but I did it back in the day when I did it. And you did curse. Sure. And, you know, you're on the radio, so you know not to. But the thing about it is that you go through a bunch of different physical feelings as you go through the 28. Oh, yeah. Anybody ever cry? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I can guarantee I will cry. I probably will cry. Well, here's the thing. You know, the crying. I can tell you this. Because the crying happens at a very particular time. When? The crying always happens in the final four hours. Because you're so tired and you're so loopy that anything remotely emotional. elicits crime. You're like, the Chargers got a huge win last night. They just played their asses off, man. Well, here's what happens. You'll talk about the Chargers, right? And somebody will go, you know, sometimes we really forget how much they mean to this community. Philip Rivers, man. I don't know. And that starts it, you know? It's just, it's great. So, yeah, the Mikey-thon 2010, if you don't know,

6:08is a marathon broadcast for Rady Children's Hospital, raising money for their Autism Discovery Institute, where we broadcast for 28 straight hours with no music and no commercials and no, I mean, it's just 28 hours of The Mikey Show. And we do basically exactly what we do here in the morning for four hours. for 28 straight hours. Yeah, we're going to lose it. But we're doing a lot more, like outside performances and, you know, stuff like that where you can see us. Oh, yeah. And I have a question. My grandma asked me last night because she wants to donate money and she doesn't know computers or anything like that. So how can she donate? I have a email. It's so crazy. You mentioned that because I have an email into Jared Blakely from Rady Children's Hospital. and he's going to get me information on how you can write out a personal check and make sure that it goes to Mikeython and the ADI. Okay. I guess we're going to have a log box on site as well. I'd like to send a Pony Express. Well, she doesn't know anything about computers, and she's like, I want to write a big check, and it's a big check. Tell her to just give it to you, and you can bring it up.

7:23Yeah, I guess. There's going to be a lockbox here. Yeah, but for others that may want to and they don't know. And for Waverly's charity, I've donated an old wrapped up turd that I found in the garage. Yes, that's right. For you, I'm going to write a check, an endowment in the amount of $1.4 million. Now, your sister, Waverly, who I love just as much as I love you. Do you, girl? I do, I do. She's doing a charity fundraiser as well. For that, I've donated an old pair of shoes that I feel that she can give out and sell. Waverly loves when we talk about this because she's like, finally people understand. This is BS. I've been living with this my whole life. Waverly, dear, I will not buy a whole box of cookies. I'll take one sleeve out of the Finman's cookies. All the hard candy you can carry. Just in case you haven't heard the story, my grandma once gave me $100 and then gave Waverly $1. Poor girl.

8:28Here you go, dear. I found an old wooden nickel. Oh, I'm sorry. It's just a piece of wood. Actually, it's a piece of my old wooden tooth. Well... Question, real quick. What? Is it the same at Christmas? Do you get, like, a new car? She gets, like, an old sock? Or does she try to make it equal at Christmas? Well... She gives her things that, like, she can't... She's like... Oh, thanks, Grandma. It's golf clubs. No, it's because I'm the oldest. My grandma's a big fan of giving some jewelry. And so I get the better jewelry. And Waverly gets... Still jewelry. Waverly, I made you a bracelet out of paper clips. I hope you enjoy it. And an old rubber band. She's very, very generous to all of us. Seniority. Seniority. That's the reason I give you gold. And it's the reason I give her gold that I panned at Knott's Berry Farm 18 years ago. But I call in and check on my grandma and see how she's doing. Just conversation.

9:41You know, I earned some extra points. You play the game. Yeah, exactly. I played the game real good last week. I'm Mikey Woodsy sitting right across from me. Lauren O'Brien, otherwise known as L-O-B, is to my right. Sienna's to my left. Our producer is Jay. And on phones today. It's Will. It's Will. The word of the day is peppermint. So when you hear me work the word peppermint. Into a sentence between now and 10 a.m., you'll win a few things, actually. You get a four-pack of tickets to SeaWorld, which is worth $276. You'll get a UFC 124 pay-per-view, which is coming up this weekend. And you will also get a Mikey Show t-shirt. Hopefully it wasn't UFC 124. Yeah, 124 was this past weekend. All right. What we're going to do is we're also going to give you a DeLorean to transport you back in time so that that will work. Okay, and then a couple of Mikey-thon things that I need to let you know about. One of them is that we are going to be doing a contest where you sort of dress up your car. And you dress up your car in Mikey Show stuff, okay? So you're going to promote the Mikey Show.

11:07By decorating your car. And then we're going to judge these cars. So we'll do like a thing where you drive by and we judge the cars. Whichever one is the most creative and the most cool is going to win a big prize. We said last week that it's a barbecue, isn't it? Yeah, you get a barbecue from Barbecues Galore. Wow. That is so awesome. That's amazing. Yeah, you get a barbecue from Barbecues Galore. And then the other thing that I need to let people know about is that on Thursday night at 6 o'clock, we're going to be setting a Guinness Book of World Records. And what we're doing is jingle bells and flashing lights with your car. Anybody can participate with that. I mean, that could be any car. All you have to do if you want to be a part of this thing and setting a world record is be down here by 6, right, Jay? By 6 o'clock, and we're going to do it in the east parking lot over here on the other side of the building. Right on. And we'll have people out there from our promotion department leading you to it. Just honk your horn to the tune of Jingle Bells. And flash your lights. And flash your lights. It's going to be awesome. Okay, so San Diego Chargers yesterday turned out to be the very tough, rough and tumble, awesome version of the San Diego Chargers. So awesome. They look like Super Bowl champions. They took it to them, man. I mean, listen, it didn't hurt that Matt Castle didn't play. It definitely didn't hurt. They got nothing.

12:25From Brody Crow. Yeah. And I mean nothing. I think he threw for 40 yards. Wow. But you know what? There's an old story. I think what Norv did to these guys, I think he scared the crap out of them so bad. during the week that, hey, listen, Castle's not going to play. You guys don't want to lose to Brody Crow. I call it Lou Holtz-ing somebody to death. He used to get his team so fired up to play the worst team in the country that they'd come out and beat the crap out of him because they were scared to be embarrassed. And I think that's exactly what happened. I think they got Lou Holtz. That's great. And they put it to him. And they shut them out at home, which was just awesome. Five firsts, or actually Chiefs did not convert one of their third downs all day. Oh, wow. 67 yards allowed all day. 67 yards. Holy cow. Yeah, they played lights out. And you know what? They can't lose. They cannot lose for the rest of the year. Yeah, they have to win the rest of the games. Chiefs need to lose again. And you know, as weird as it is, the San Francisco 49ers looked pretty good yesterday with Alex Smith coming back. Yeah, three touchdowns. And that's the next opponent. Yep.

13:32Thursday night. That's Thursday night. Yeah, so that'll be going on while we're doing our Mikey-thon. So, yeah, they've got to win. And this 49er team is not a gimme. Nope. By any means. They look pretty good. But, man, did the Chargers look good yesterday. So pretty. They just looked so good. Even Ryan Matthews. You know the one thing I can say about Ryan Matthews? In addition to the power and the speed, One thing that you saw on display yesterday with that dude is the balance. It's weird. It's a freakish kind of balance. He got hit yesterday. I'm not even talking about his touchdown. I saw him get hit right below the knees, and anybody else would have been a tackle. And he managed to keep his feet on the ground without his knees touching and kept running. And then he did it again during his touchdown. He got hit by someone. He didn't fall down, didn't let his knees touch, and he ran into the end zone for a touchdown. It's pretty. That's balance and strength right there. Balance and strength. It's pretty, man. You know who else is like that? Mike Vick is like that. That guy gets drilled, and he can bounce off. They have this ability. They bounce off of people, or people bounce off of them. It's very cool to watch. Barry Sanders was like that. Oh, yeah. Couldn't bring him down. Barry Sanders, in my lifetime, he's the best.

14:59In my life. I mean, Emmitt Smith is the leader, but you know what? That's only because he retired. In my opinion, it's only because Barry Sanders retired. Barry Sanders was second to none. Yeah. He retired in his prime. Yeah. It wasn't like, oh, I'm old, I'm retiring. He retired when he was at the top of his game. Had he kept playing, he'd be, in my opinion, he'd be the rushing champion. Yeah. He'd hold the record for the most rushing yards. And had he been on a decent team once in his career? Who knows what his career would have looked like. He never had a line, never had a quarterback, never had receivers. When my boys asked me, who's the best running back you ever saw? Barry Sanders. No question. Just watch highlights of that guy. It's ridiculous. It was weird. 570-1949. Holiday hootenanny happened over the weekend. That was cool. This place was sold out. I mean, just jam-packed, people. Guy Fieri is going to be on. At 7.10 this morning on the show, Guy Fieri is a really good dude who last time was on the Mikey Show, sent the Mikey Show a pizza. Oh. Because, you know, we asked him, you know, like, what's one of the best things that you've had? And he said, believe it or not, doing this show, one of the best things I had was a pizza right there in San Diego. He said, no doubt about it.

16:25West of the Mississippi, it's the best pizza I've ever had. Really? Yeah, and it was right here in San Diego, and he asked us about the place. I'd never heard of it before. He goes, I'm calling the guy. I'm hanging up with you. I'm calling the owner, and I'm going to have him bring you guys a pizza. And it happened the next day. I can't, but he'll remember when we talk to him. And this guy, Guy Fieri, he's on at the time of the interview. He was waiting to go on the Today Show, and he just used his cell phone before going on the Today Show to make this phone call to this guy and have the guy bring the pizza. That is really nice. Really nice guy. He can feel free to repeat that. Yes, for sure. Maybe donuts, too. That's right. But he does a show. Guy does a show called Dive-Ins, Drive-Ins, and Dives, where he just goes to all these little dive places and towns or little... Little places that are famous within the town. When he was in San Diego, he went to Hodad's. Ocean Beach, California is home to great surf. A lot of really cool laid back people at a little place called Hodad's. In my opinion, what a local burger joint ought to be. No shoes, no shirt, no problem. Right here, buddy. Right here, Jamie. It's delicious. Now this is a fancy restaurant, ladies. So let's go first in a fancy restaurant.

17:50They're very friendly. What does Hodad mean, anyways? Hodad? Okay, it's a surfing term from the early 60s. It's someone that hangs out on the beach, got a nice board. You always see them, you know, at the beach, but they don't know how to surf. When Mike Harden wasn't surfing, he grew up at Hodad. Come on, there you go, there you go. His parents started running it in 73. He took over in 84 and gave the place his own sense of style. Would you believe I took no lessons in interior decoration? You know what, it wouldn't show at all. Pepsi? In laid-back surfer attitude aside, Like I can remember all that. This guy's cranking out some righteous beachside burgers. Best burger in this area? Best burger for sure. Hands down? Hands down. Good. Real good. No fancy frills. Okay. Just old-fashioned sloppy run-down your arm. Do it right. Yeah, it is. Delicious. Now I want hoed down. Oh, yeah. Some good stuff. Man. Okay, so it was a very hot weekend. Weather is weird right now. Really, really weird. I woke up Saturday morning and I was like, make myself a nice little peppermint cocoa. Have a nice little weekend just warming up by the fire. Maybe not. The temperature rose 20 degrees above normal for this time of year yesterday. So, I mean, it was hot out. I was wearing a tank top, you know. Oh.

19:10You guys are so creepy sometimes. But the most noteworthy record was in El Cajon. It was 90 degrees in El Cajon yesterday. I played ball at Mesa College yesterday, and it was 85 when I pulled up to the field. And we wear black uniforms. I was like, wow. But you can't beat that in December. It was rad, though. I had sunscreen on. So hot in San Diego and Southern California. L.A. was really hot, too. And freezing cold everywhere else. They're saying these crazy winter storms shutting down airports. I'm sure you guys heard about what happened in Minnesota. Or Minneapolis, sorry. And so airports are closed right now really hard, hitting Michigan, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Iowa. About 17 inches of snow buried in Minneapolis. I got a friend named Jackson. Who lives in Minneapolis. And he texted me yesterday and said, you know, our game got canceled. He said, you know, because of the Metrodome. And so they had to show a game. And it bumped everything up and, like, it changed their TV schedule. So they got to see the Chargers play. Nice. And he used to live here. And he said, that aerial view of Qualcomm.

20:26was making him want to cry. I'm sure. Gorgeous, not a cloud in the sky. Yeah, and they were saying what the temperature was, and he said he snowed in. It's like 15 degrees, and they're showing that aerial view of San Diego that was gorgeous. They had 17 inches that fell on the Metrodome and collapsed the roof. They collapsed the roof. They had video. The cool thing was is that Fox had come in, they had set up cameras, and then they split. And so it was recording. I'm sure everybody's seen it, but if you haven't, check it out. It's incredible. And you see the snow coming through the roof. Yeah, they got it from a bunch of different angles. If you see the moment that the top of the Metrodome splits open and you see thousands of tons of snow pour onto the Metrodome's field, it's one of the most... compelling pieces of video, and all it is is snow busting through the roof. It looks fake almost. Yeah. It's so crazy. It's crystal clear, too. The high-def cameras, it's rad. So it was supposed to be the Vikings taking on the Giants there. Well, they've now moved the game to Detroit. Detroit! And that's going to be tonight, and they're going to have two Monday night games. It's a free game for the people in Detroit. They just get to go to the game for free. Yeah. And they'll probably have to refund everybody. They are. M1, Tara in Ramona, what was the word of the day? Peppermint.

21:48You are correct. I missed it, as usual. Peppermint mocha. That's right. That's right. Congratulations. You won yourself four-pack of tickets to SeaWorld and a Mikey Show t-shirt, and we're throwing in a pair of audio shoes. Oh, great. Thank you. All right. Thank you very much. You got it. You know what else that snow did, Mike? It gave Brett Favre a chance to heal that shoulder one more day. What do you think? Well... They're saying he sent a text, kind of a cryptic text saying, well, I'm not sure if I'll play or not. They brought up a really interesting thing, and I wanted to ask you about it to see how you feel. Yeah. So he's got this streak, 297 straight games of starting. What if they let him come out? And his shoulder's like done. I mean, he's toast. He says he may play, he may not. What do you think if they let him come out and take a few snaps just to start the game? You think that cheapens the streak? And then they pull him. Well, see, if I'm Brett Favre, I know in my mind, nobody will really remember that. I know. I don't want it if I'm Brett Favre. I don't want it that way. Really? I don't. No, I want to play. So it's, well, yeah. Oh, you're saying that it would be okay. No, I think he would know. I think he would think people would know that. Oh, really? Yeah. That they would remember that? Well, I think it would cheapen it, don't you? If they let him walk out, take one snap, hand it off to Adrian Peterson, and then run to the sideline. Yes, he got the start, but that kind of cheapens it. He would have to stay in for a little while. Yeah. Stay in for, yeah. A series? Would that be enough for you?

23:11Oh, that's not enough. I don't think it's enough. I need a half. I need the whole first half. I need the whole first half. I would say a quarter. A quarter? Yeah. He plays the whole first quarter. It doesn't throw one time. He just hands off. He needs to throw at least one time. Yeah. Something tells me that if, okay, I'll play devil's advocate. Okay. Something tells me that if you're capable enough to go out and even hand it off one time, you're kind of a warrior. No. No? You could hand off a pass in the NFL. Not if you're jacked up. Yeah, you could. I mean, your shoulder's bummed. You turn around and hand it off. Or you pitch. All right, fine. Look at Ben Roethlisberger playing with his broken nose. Yeah, there's a lot of guys that do that. Messed up foot. Yeah. Ben? Big Ben? Yeah. Dude was out there. He's a gamer. Did you see his broken nose, the picture of it when it was broken? It was completely off to the side. It's disgusting. It was like, ah! How does that happen if you have a face mask on? Oh, dude, there's plenty of room in there. Yesterday he wore one of the little shields on the helmet. That's weird. Yeah. His players are tough. He's chubby. I'm the opposite of a football player. He's chubby, but he's good. He's good. You're the opposite of a football player. I'm the opposite of everything they are about. Yeah. Pretty much. Athletic, tall, tough, like me, short, not athletic, wimpy. You're more of a football.

24:33Yeah, I'm more of the football. I'm more of a pigskin. I'm more of the pigskin. I have more in common. How weird is that? I've got more in common with the football than with the actual football player. I'm going to do a little contest for you. If you want to win a Mikey Show t-shirt and a pair of audio shoes. Just listen to this and tell me who this is whining about camping. We never did spray the kids with bug spray, which is a very big problem. I'm not worried about bears right now. I'm just worried about keeping my toes wiggling because they're freezing. Yes, I've been bitten about 200 times already. It's horrible. The kids are having fun, so I'm tolerating it, but this is my new home. Dryness under the tent. Sorry I'm miserable, but I mean somebody's got to be. This is cruel and unusual punishment. I'm standing in the not rain. That's what I'm doing. I have to admit I wasn't terribly opposed to it. Camping, I mean. But in the rain? No way. All right, so what you have there is a montage of this chick whining. Who was it? Call us right now. And the first person that tells us gets a pair of those shoes and a Mikey Show t-shirt. Be back with the answer.

26:02In just a little bit, we're going to tell you who that was complaining about camping just a few minutes ago. It's a Mikey show. Welcome back to it. If you're an M1, it means you're a fan of the Mikey show and you listen exclusively to the Mikey show. If you don't, I want to know you. Sienna, what's going on in news? Going on right now, did you guys hear the Cardiff kook has been pranked again? We really saw it. Now, this is the surfer statue in Cardiff, and yesterday he was pranked. There's a gigantic...

27:22They may have taken it down by now. It was up about 6 o'clock yesterday still. Okay. It may still be up then. It's a giant spider web around. It is giant. With a huge spider like right on the head. And the kook is all. He's all in the spider web. It's pretty funny. So he's been pranked again. Also really sad news. Bernard Madoff. Bernie Madoff. His oldest son Mark. I always want to say hung, but they say it's hanged. Hanged. He hanged himself. Really? Yeah. Just an awful story. In New York, this happened on Saturday. It was the second anniversary of his father's arrest. He did it while his son was sleeping in a bedroom in the house. His wife was gone. She was out of town. And it was early Saturday morning, and the autopsy showed that it was a suicide. So just really, really, really sad story. It is, and it's... Hideously selfish, too, because that poor kid. Yeah. Woodsy, what's going on in sports? Well, there's a lot going on in sports. And at 730, I'm going to tell you about this Jets coach that really made a jerk out of himself and really his whole team yesterday. But first, Carmelo Anthony is wanting to get out of Denver and go to the Big Apple. Said he will only sign a contract extension if he is traded to the New York Knicks. Really? Yeah. Weird.

28:41And then UFC 124 was this past weekend, and GSP apparently turned in an impressive technical victory in front of Josh Koscheck. I guess it was a decision after 25 minutes, and he fought well. I saw the pictures of Koscheck, and he was beaten up pretty good. Really? Yeah, I didn't see the fight, though. GSP is a physical specimen. You say so. So who is this whining? I'm not worried about bears right now. I'm just worried about keeping my toes wiggling because they're freezing. Yes, I've been bitten about 200 times already. It's horrible. The kids are having fun, so I'm tolerating it, but this is my new home. Dryness. Let's take a couple of calls on it. M1 Jesse from Valley Center. Who do you think that was? Was it Sarah Palin? You're closer than you realize. M1 Tony from Oceanside. Who do you think it was? Gosselin.

29:45That is correct. And the reason that he was closer than he realized is because that clip was from Sarah Palin's reality show, Sarah Palin's Alaska. And so there you go. You're a winner. Hang in line, okay? Okay. Yeah, she was on the show. They went camping together. I don't understand. I wish I was on that camping trip. Yeah? No, I don't. I don't at all. I think a stick in the eye. I know. It rained, I guess, the whole time that they were camping. We are not camping people. I'll scream it from mountaintops. This is just ridiculous. Why would you pretend to be homeless? I don't get it. I just don't get the concept. There's no paper towels. How do you make sandwiches for kids on your arm? I don't see a table. I don't see utensils. I don't see hand-cleansing materials. This is not ideal conditions. Why do you go if you... What a nightmare. I wouldn't go if it was pouring rain. I'd be like, nope. I'll give it to her. Camping in the rain is the worst. What's worse than that? That's pretty bad. Nothing. You're sitting there like... You can't have a fire. You can't do anything. Once it starts to leak into the tent, you're like, I hate my life. I don't know. Some of the best campouts I've ever been on.

31:05We're in the rain. BS. I'm telling you. Because you could build a phenomenal tent. I'm calling such BS on that. I'm telling you. We were up at Yosemite, Kim and I and the kids, and they were little. And it started to pour and kind of icy rain. And then all of a sudden I built this thing over the front and we started making the coffee go. And it was just beautiful. I mean, it was amazing. Great. It sounds like a nightmare. It's a nightmare. It sounds like you went to sleep and had a bad dream. Yeah. Sitting around shivering, drinking coffee. You can drink coffee inside. If you have something to sleep in besides... A tent, you can make it work. Like a hotel room. Well, maybe like an RV or something. You just get a really good tent. An RV would be fun because you play cards and have some cocktails. It sounds awful. It sounds awful. Awful. We woke up the next day and there was snow on the ground. Oh, my God. Let's see. Guy Fieri is going to be on the show at 710, and we'll talk to him about his new show. Is it a show, Jay? Is that the deal? It's a show. It's a minute to win it. Game show. You guys seen the previews, by the way, for that new show where they dropped the money?

32:05A million dollars? Oh, gosh. And they have to move the money from one thing to another? Mm-mm. I don't know what that's all about, but it's a million bucks, man. And if they get the question wrong, then the shoot opens up and all the money falls down. And they have to, like, physically move giant bundles of millions of dollars from one podium to the next. You ever just run out of ideas? It's like seeing his grandmother. I know. Yeah, exactly. I've done that. Let's see. So... I was reading Jay's recap, right? And Jay says that he took his son Jasper, who's seven, to see Santa last night. And I was reading this and I'm like, oh my gosh, this would drive me nuts. Who is this lady? And you can ask yourself, it might be you or it might be you as this dad. Why do I feel like it's already me? Oh no, oh no. I don't even know what it is. Well, he took Jasper to see Santa last night and it took forever for the kid in front of us. And there was a line, of course, a mile long. That's the way it always is, right? So the mom didn't like the photo because it's instant. They take a picture and it's instantly on a computer screen. You can see it. Well, she didn't like it. So she wanted to do it over again and like keep doing it over again, right? She then puts her baby in Santa's lap and wants to take her own picture.

33:26With her own camera. Big signs as you're going in. Do not take your own picture. Oh, really? It's kind of a business. You know, but not only that, but Woods often says, yeah, happy birthday, pal. Yeah. You know what that means? It means, hey, the world is your oyster. Everything's about you. Woods always describes it like this. Five people from the office are going to lunch. Everybody decides that they want togos. One person wants pizza. And so. They whine about it until you all go to pizza. And you go, oh, great. Happy birthday. Yeah. Because only on your birthday can you get away with stuff like that. Right. You have to pitch a fit and be like, hey, it's my birthday. And everyone, like, even on our show, you can be like, it's my birthday. We're going to Hooters. Right. And you guys are like, okay, it's your birthday. All right, it's your freaking birthday. Yep. But happy birthday works real well in that scenario. Oh. I would have dropped an HPD on her real good. I don't have a problem with her switching out one kid for the next. But if the sign said, don't take your own pictures. Oh, it was a mile long. Shit. First, though, the kid had a mile long list and he just went through piece by piece. Oh, my God. Tell Santa. Tell Santa. Tell Santa. Tell him about the cookies that you get. And I was like. He's a little kid. He's excited.

34:37to see Santa. But he's got a big, giant, long list of stuff. Yeah, he had a long list. Well, he wanted to make sure Santa knew what he wanted. You can't tell a kid, hey. There's a long line. I would tell my kids. You know what I told him? I said, you pick one thing off your list and you tell Santa what you want. Yeah, I'd say give him the top three. Top three's fine with me. But I... Give me the top 107. I have a problem with her. I have a problem with her wanting to take a picture with her own camera because if there are signs, yeah, that's the deal. But if she's paying for them to take a picture and the picture's not good, I would say I want another picture. I'll say this. Even if there was no sign that said that there was no picture taken of your own, if she's taking up. people's time that are waiting in line so that she can throw baby on the... How long does it take? Come on. It doesn't take. She waited in line, too. If everybody did that, you'd be there for a month. Everybody did what they wanted to do. There was a moment where the baby started to cry. She picked the baby up. Come on, come on, come on. Oh, my. Come on, come on, come on. The baby's back. Okay, here we go. Back in the lap. That's terrible.

35:45It's inconsiderate. Very inconsiderate. It's much like the Cold Stone situation that I ran into that one time. The guy wanting to sample a hundred things of Cold Stone. There's a giant line. It's exactly the same. If there's a giant line. Be aware. Be self-aware. Come on. See, I would freak out. I'd be like, everyone's waiting on me. Yes. That's so uncomfortable. But if that lady was maybe trying to get her Christmas card and she'd waited all day and was like, this is all I want all day. I was about to snap. I was about to come and go. You were voted the guy most likely to snap, so I'm not surprised. And then I looked at Jasper, and Jasper's waiting so patiently. I was like, good boy. The entire family was there. All of us got together, even the older kids, and we all went. I took Sage to go see Santa, too. You did? But the line was too long. I was a monster mom and didn't wait. Well, she'll see Santa on Christmas Eve. Sienna, you're not a monster mom, in fact. For taking the baby? For splitting because the line was too long. In fact, I'll take it a step further. Rebecca hates this bit. That picture's all about taking kids to do stuff when they're a year old is all about parents. No. Absolutely. 100%. It is. I don't care. I agree. I think it is. I drug Todd, too, and I said, we're going. He's like, she's not going to know. I'm like, I don't care. We're going. Do you know how much as an adult?

37:07I love looking at baby pictures of me and my siblings. It's a tradition, too. We've always done it with our kids, so we have pictures all the way up. And we have them all. We put them out at Christmas. They're part of everything. And you're so proud because you're a parent now and that's your baby. And you want to be like, oh. You sold me because when I'm an adult, I do want to see a picture of me. I have a question. Go ahead. Are you taking your boys yet? No. Are they going to go? I don't know. You know those aren't questions that I can have the answer to. My parents always said when I went to go see Santa, I would be able to tell him one thing, and then the rest, you write a letter to him. You tell him everything that you want. We're going to take our dogs. Stop it, Woods. You are not. Do they let you? There's a place that you can do it. Oh, okay. If there's a place. We're going to take our dogs. Great business. Santa dogs or something. And we're going to take ours and get pictures. How are you going to get all five of them in the picture? It's going to be tough. Will they line up and pose with Pat's arms? We've got a few of them doing some really good poses, but we are, yeah, we're going to do that. Good little boys and girls. That's going to be adorable. Maybe grow up Peter Pan. Is that going to be your Christmas card? Those are my kids. I take care of my animals. Hey, Poppy. Hi. Is this Beansy? This is your dog, Senior Beans. Hi, Beans. How are you? I'm good. I am a Yorkie. That's right. You are a Yorkie. Y'all ready for Christmas, Beansy? Si.

38:31I have a little brother and sister, and together there is five of us. That's right. But I have a question for you, Papi. Okay. You are so cool right now where you take us to get the picture taken. Yes, I am cool. And I have to say, I love you so much. I love you. For doing this. Okay. Because I love it. But I have a question for you, Papi. Okay. Where are they on the campfire? is that you and Mama Amy are going to adopt a baby. This is true. You haven't told that? We haven't had to talk yet. Oh, boy. I'm just wondering. This is not going to change anything with me. No, no, no. It's going to change a thousand percent. You'll still get the same attention you always did. Yeah. Yes, you will. Because if I don't, papi, maybe I burn your truck down. My truck? Vol Bessie? Yeah. Maybe I do something while you're sleeping. I put...

39:44A pillow on your face, if you like. Oh, that wouldn't be very nice. Beansy, that's not nice. He's taking care of you since you were a very little boy. Okay, I'm just saying, nothing can change. It's going to change a little bit. From your father. I'm your father, and I'm telling you, it's not going to change. I will always love you. You'll always love him. I think it's very nice for you to say these words, but I just wonder if we could get power of attorney. Yeah, but I will tell you this, Senior Beans. We can get power of attorney. We'll get a contract in place. I can't promise that Mama Yami will do the same. She's going to have to take care of the baby a little more. You can't promise this. I can't promise. I will always love you the most. I will. Who takes care of you now every day? You do, Papa. That's right. Maybe I sue. Well, I don't think you have much of a case. Beansy, you're about to be a big brother. Yeah, you're going to be a brother. Isn't that exciting? You're going to have responsibilities to take care of the baby. This is not exciting. What's exciting to you? There are two things I love more than anything. Humping a pillow. That's true. That is good. And when Poppy brings me treats. Yeah. What kind of treat? What's your favorite treat? So much. I love the way it tastes in my mouth. Poppy, will you bring me a treat today? You know I will. What would you bring?

41:10I'll bring you bacon. I love you so much. I love you, buddy. Sayonara. Sayonara. Adios. Okay. Goodbye. Good night. It's going to be crazy. The dogs are going to be a little bit sad at first. You're going to have to breathe them. It is going to be. I told Rebecca and Mike this the other day. I already have a picture in my mind of what it's going to look like. Jamie in the corner. holding the baby, me on the couch with five dogs, just like, hi guys, hi guys, daddy loves you, daddy loves you. It's a little bit sad at first for the dog, because they're like, what is going on? But then they adjust. Hello? Yeah, hello? Oh, wow. This is... It's Mikey's cat. Yeah, this is Mikey. You sound medicated. What is wrong? What's wrong with you? I kind of messed up. What's the matter? Oh, my gosh, Joel. Nothing's the matter. I just really talk. I've never heard your voice so hard. I haven't either. Yeah. Basically, I'm a piece of furniture. Furry furniture. So, you're a little sweet little cuddle bug. I love Joel. I do, too. Yeah. Nobody's talked to me in probably five years.

42:35Since Jake was born. Since Rebecca was pregnant with Jake. You know what's the best night of my week is? What? Gross group night. Why? Other people pet me. Don't you stand up and lift your tail up in other people's faces? Yeah. Put my butt in their faces. You know why I do that? Why? So that someone gets mad at me. Oh my gosh. You need attention. All I want is for Mike to get mad at me. mean that they'll talk to me. Still attention. Why don't you call them mom and dad? Oh, I haven't called mom and dad for five years. Rebecca and Mike. Rebecca and Mike are my roommates. The babies love you so much. Yeah, the babies, they love me, but the babies, if I love me, you mean that they yank my toes. Pull your fur. Beat up on you. Just basically lay down all day for somebody like a Mexican lady to put food in my food. Welcome over. We love you. Her name's Claudia. And she will change my poo in the cat box. Occasionally. If she doesn't change the poo, then nobody will change it. But, you know, it's pretty off. He's just waiting to die.

44:05I'm not just waiting. I'm actually praying. Don't say that. Don't say that. I just... You're loved. Yeah. What? I want to die so bad. No, you don't. Stop it. Stop it. You know, maybe some people are scared of black cats. Well, that's the reason I don't pet you, Jules. You're cute from a distance. If you came over, Sienna, and you were afraid of me, it'd be the most attention I got. I don't like black cats. They're bad luck. But you seem sweet. He's so sweet. I might actually already be dead because Rebecca pretends that I'm a ghost. No, she does not. She has not said one word to me in five years. What a little jewel. Poor jewel. I'll take you. Oh, please, man. We got five dogs, though. Hey, if anybody's listening right now in M1 Nation and you want to adopt a cat, I don't care who you are. You could be a hobo. Street cat. As long as you're willing to say two words to me in a four-year period.

45:14You can have me. Do you think the Esparzas would give you up? Well, Rebecca wouldn't. She loves me a lot. But she doesn't talk to me. But she loves me a lot, does she? Mike, I'm sure, loves me deep down in that greasy heartache. I'm sure he loves me too, does he? I don't think so. I don't either, Jay. Why does he leave the door open for you all the time to go outside and play with the coyotes? You know what I do all day? What? I stare at you, oh, Gabba Gabba. All day long. I just stare at it. Oh, Jewel. That's not a bad life. Oh, no. It's a good show. It's perfect. All right. Well, I'm going to go and not be paid attention to you. See you, Jewel. Thanks for calling it. Jewel. It's our cat. I had no idea his voice was like that. Me neither. He's just kind of weird. He's just a weird cat. He's a weird dude. For some reason, I thought he was a French spy cat. Yeah. No, that was the other one. That was Sydney. Oh. Holy crap.

46:13Sydney escaped, though, right? Yeah, we finally made a break for it. Went back to France, got downloaded on everything. Hang out with Pepe Le Pew. That's right. One of the world's biggest musical artists in the history of music performed on SNL this weekend. We got audio of that. This just occurred to me. And this is either going to be great or it won't work. What do your kids want for Christmas? Have your kid call us right now. 570-1949. Call us and have your kid tell us what they want for Christmas and what they did to deserve it. Nice. I think that would be hysterical. It's either going to work or it's not going to work. Either people can call with their kid right now and tell us what they want for Christmas and what they did to deserve it or they won't. And we have special connections to Santa. We do. We want to know. We'll give preferential treatment if you call us and tell us that you get your kid on the phone.

47:21rambunctious and willing to talk. We don't want your kid to call in if he's going to clam up. Mikey the Elf. Call Mikey the Elf. Yeah, that's right. Call us right now. Pink has a new video or a new song or something. If she has a new song, she has a new video. Do you like it? Is she beating a guy up in it? While pregnant? Arm wrestling? Kicking things? Yeah, I hate to admit it. I like it. They're poppy. They get stuck in your head. Chances she would kick the crap out of you? A thousand. A hundred. A million. Yeah, she could. Yeah, for sure. Any of you. Jay, you, what? I'd take her. I don't know about that. She's got a high kick.

49:05Punch her in the baby maker. Oh, boy. Oh, wow. She always picture her. That was subtle, wasn't it? No, not at all. I always picture her wearing a tank top with sweat rings. 100%. White feeder. I picture, like, camo cargo pants. Combat boots. Black bra underneath the white feeder. Stinky. Yeah, those combat. Pants haven't been washed. They've never been washed. It's not like a skating rink. It's not like a gym. Boxers sticking out of the top. Rolled up. Just disgusting. Just got off a dirt bike. Is that a tan? She's like, no, it's dust. I've been dirt biking. Tucked into the pants. Just filthy. Big belt buckle. No makeup except for eyeliner. Short shaved head, real good. No deodorant? No. Nose ring? You guys are kind of turning me around on her now. Yeah, now Jay is totally on her. Keep going. Keep going. 5701949, call with your little kid right now and have your little kid tell us what they want for Christmas and why they deserve it. And we will talk to them.

50:29We're going to talk to Guy Fieri coming up here at 7.15. I'm Mikey. That's Woods. That's L-O-B. That's Sienna. That's Jay. And it's Will. It's Will. We lost. The people that were on hold. We had them. What just happened? I don't know. They hung up. Perfect. They hung up. Want to thank some of the sponsors for Mikey-thon. We got some good ones. Divine Postability is going to be bringing breakfast for the show. Samples for M1s. So good. Thank you. Those bread stuffed sandwiches. Oh, wow. Pasta. I saved one on Friday and had it for lunch. So did I. Oh, my gosh. You guys had it on Friday? Yeah. Pesta tortellini. Oh, that's good. Let's see. Also, thank you to Pop Chips, Honest Tea, and Sushi Poppers. Ooh. And don't forget, we're going to have some really great items up for bid, including dinner at... My house with the Mikey show. Yeah. How about that? And it's going to be catered by Pample Moose. Now, this is for you and three of your friends. So it'll be a total of four people that'll be coming over. Or we'll do it at your house. You get to pick. But the bidding will start at $1,500 on that. And Jeff from Pample Moose is going to come down to my house cook. And that's what we're going to eat that night. And we'll hang out. We'll have a fun night.

51:58And I will feel comfortable. Yeah. Which is good. You'll get like normal me. I won't be all weirded out. So we should probably do it at your house. I'd like to, but if you want it at your house, I'll come over and be uncomfortable. We're going to have an autographed acoustic guitar from Gary Hoey. We're going to have an autographed poster from Silver Sun Pickups. We'll have an autographed from Muse. We'll have a poster signed by Weird Al. We'll have an autographed guitar from Cage the Elephant with an authenticity letter. Autographed bass guitar from Alice in Chains. Wow. Boxing glove from Manny Pacquiao. Nice. Pretty awesome. So we're going to have this thing going. 570-1949 is our number on the line with us right now. M1 Darby from Alpine is... How old are you, Darby? You're six years old. How are you? It's so good to talk to you. What? It's so good to talk to you. Are you excited? Are you excited for Christmas time? Are you excited? Are you excited that Santa's coming soon? What do you want to ask Santa for for Christmas? Darby, what do you want for Christmas? What do you want Santa to bring you? A DC backpack? A DC backpack. Is this Jay's kit? Those are cool backpacks. They're great.

53:30Have you been a good girl? What have you done that's really good for Santa to bring you a backpack? Have you been cleaning your room or making your bed? I think Darby's parents. I was being good for my grandma and papa last night. Good. Oh, good. Oh, good. Well, that's good. Then Santa is taking notice and we'll bring you something nice. Okay, Darby? Okay, we'll talk to you later. Bye, Darby. Bye, Darby. I thought maybe she'd feel comfortable with my voice. She probably would. Just a girl. Here's the deal. Parents want to hear their kids so they have their radio up. So you've got to turn your radio down. Otherwise it won't work. You'll hear the delay when they get off the phone. And I'll podcast it. M1, Isabel from San Diego, are you there? Yeah. How old are you? You're nine years old. How are you? Good. What would you like for Christmas? A puppy. Oh, wow. What kind of puppy? I don't know. Yorkie. You have your eyes on one. What's your favorite kind? Oh, good pick. Have you done any good things that Santa would take notice of and say, oh, you've been a good kid?

54:55I've been cleaning my room and helping my mom out. That's good. There you go. That's more than any of us do. Better than me. Well, that's good. Thank you, Isabel. That's very nice. Thank you for calling. Thank you. We're going to talk to an old friend of the show now. Ladies and gentlemen, Guy Fieri is on the line. How are you, Guy? Are you there? I am here. I'm great. I'm doing good. Guy, listen, first of all, I want to thank you again. The last time you came on the Mikey Show, you told us about this great pizza place in San Diego. And then you actually called the owner and proprietor and they brought us down some of the pizza and it was some of the most incredible pizza. By the way, I want to point out to listeners, Guy did this while waiting to go on the Today Show. And, you know, took the time out to... I remember that. Dude, not only do I remember it, it was really meaningful because you certainly didn't have to do that. And it was a really, really nice thing for you to do. And I never got the chance to say thank you. So I just wanted to tell you, thank you for doing that. It was really nice.

56:20So nice. So nice. And Guy, what was the name of his restaurant? Luigi's Pizzeria. Luigi's Pizzeria. I wish I could say how to get there. But it's the bomb. Luigi's Pizzeria. We will give out the information. We'll find it. We'll give out the information and let everybody know. Guy Fieri is a guy that actually, he's been on the Food Network for a few years now. And the way that he got the job was that a friend of his said, listen, they've got this show. It's called The Next Food Network Star. You've got to try out for it.

57:19And Guy, I think, is one of those very rare people that was just made for this. He was absolutely made for it and happened to be doing something different in life. We've talked about it, Guy, that there are probably some people out there in the world that would be extraordinary actors. It's just that that's not what they do for a living. And as it turns out, you were a restaurateur and you had a restaurant. But what you were made to do. is to be on television and go around the country and try out these different places and talk about them. And that's what you do. And you've got a new show now. You know, I think everybody has multiple things capable of doing. Size-wise, I knew I wasn't going to be an NFL player. We can kind of rule that one out quickly. But there's a lot of things that are undiscovered. And the very thing about our country is that it's a land of opportunity. You go and seize those opportunities. I did not want to be on the show. You're exactly right. My buddies coerced me. They said, dude, come on, you're funny, man. It would be, you cook, that's all, you know, you cook, you're funny, you got a lot to say, you love people, but you could do this. Right. That's how it turned out. And I show up my restaurants, so five restaurants up there in the line country, and three shows on Food Network. So I think at that point, I'm like, all right, what a phenomenon. What a unique situation. And then all of a sudden,

58:49sudden out of nowhere i get a call and they say get this game show we're going to do on mbc and would you be interested you know come talk to us about it i'm like well i got about a chance to do this as i you know they do to be santa claus next week you know what's going to happen here i go down i get the job and minute to win it is born and which shows a minute to win it 40 40 episodes last uh well this year actually and then um And all of a sudden, they called me up. I was doing some work back east and worked on a plan. They said, hey, could you get back to L.A. quickly? We want to shoot some holiday shows. We want to give away a bunch of money. Everybody needs money during the holidays. And so we've knocked up these three special episodes where the contestants usually get to play for a million bucks. Now they get to play for three million bucks. Holy cow. And they get extra lives, and they get extra prizes, and they're Santa's helper. I mean, there's all kinds of craziness that goes on. But these three shows, these three special edition of the Winter Shows that are on this Tuesday and next Tuesday, great. Yeah, yeah. And it says that it's going to be the 17th, 14th, and 21st, 8 o'clock NBC. And, dude, I mean, you're going to be great at this. This sounds like it's going to be good stuff. We hear what it is. For people that haven't seen the show, it's 10 challenges.

1:00:20The challenges are 60 seconds each, which works really good for me because I'm not into things that take a long time. Right. You know, get to this. Let's see, when is the action going to happen? Right. So it's 10 60-second challenges. They quit all 10 challenges. They win a million dollars. And the challenges are simple. I mean, they're playing, you know, these 60-second challenges with helpful items, ping pong balls, marbles, big soda bottles, you name it, things you can really relate to at home and say, wait a second, I can do that. And we've got a Wii game out now. We've got a DS game. We've got a Milton Bradley game. You know, the wildfire about the show has caught on. So the holiday episodes are pretty special. That's awesome. We're talking to Guy Fieri. He's got three shows on Food Network, and he's got a brand-new show called Minute to Win It on NBC. And, again, it's going to air on the 7th, the 14th. Have we already passed the 7th? Oh, yeah, we already passed 7th. You know what? There you go. He's got one coming out. There you go. You got one tomorrow on the 21st, 8 o'clock, NBC. Let's talk some food. What's the best thing you've had lately? Oh, my gosh, man. A Native American Indian food, which was fantastic. What is Native American food? What is it? American Indian food.

1:02:00So we're talking fried bread. It has some similarities. It has some similarities to Mexican food. With the spice, one of the great things they made was this. You know what hominy is? Yeah. You know, the corn. Yes, exactly. Hominy salsa done in fried bread with this marinated chicken. I mean, fantastic. I think all of Denver. You know, we've been waiting to go to Denver for quite a while. Yeah. It really had some dynamite food. Food, a destination place to go to. And anybody that knows me knows. to San Diego to open a restaurant, but you guys, you guys have the King's Ransom down there. I mean, from, you know, to the guys, you've got Mexican food, Hobnob, you've got, you know, you've got old school food, you've got, how's it going, man? San Diego's got some great stuff, and if you ever opened a restaurant here, guy, it'd probably be very, very successful, because, you know, we love you here, and the food here is phenomenal. And I'm a Mexican man, so I know what...

1:03:25You get to go, well, there's no way to get it down there. I mean, you go out on the gas plant, you walk around. I mean, there's the trendy restaurants, and then there's the little mom-and-pop shopping, but that trip will be good. But I'm telling you, I want to build restaurants in a place I want to vacay at. That's awesome. That's awesome. Guy Fieri, thank you very much. We'll watch Minute to Win it tomorrow night at 8 o'clock, and again a week later at 8 o'clock. Thanks a lot, man. We really appreciate you coming on. Appreciate you having me. You guys do an awesome job. And remember, anytime you're coming up to the Wine Country, man, You know how to get in touch with my people. You guys got an open invite to my restaurant. That's so great. I would love to have you. So great, man. Seriously, take a vacay. Thank you. Drop the crew up and do a live remote. That'd be awesome. All in. All in, Guy. Thank you so much for coming on. We appreciate you. You guys are awesome. Have a great week. There he is. It's Guy Fieri. Such a nice guy.

1:04:27Very positive. Really nice dude. The pizza place he was talking about, Luigi's Pizzeria. There's two locations in Golden Hill and in North Park. On El Cohn Boulevard and on 25th Street in Golden Hill. It really is good pizza. Yeah. There's a website, PizzeriaLuigi.com. Maybe for lunch. Yeah, for sure. We should. Well, today we draw fresh again for who's getting lunch, right? You know if you draw me, we're getting pizza. Yeah. Yeah. He reminds me so much of my friend CB. Yeah, he does. When he talks, I hear CB. He does sound like him. He does. And on TV, same bit. Okay, do we have time? Name that tune? Can we do it now or should we? No, you need to take a break. All right, well then do this. Call us if you want to play Name That Tune. And our Name That Tune is just a generic name for... It is Name That Tune, but... It's not always with tunes. In fact, what's the theme today? It's Christmas. So it's movies and songs. Movies and songs from Christmas. And also, when we come back, we're going to do a t-shirt pile on. So we are going to try to see how many t-shirts each member of this program can put on in 60 seconds. Yeah, we're going to have 60 seconds. We have piles of t-shirts next to us.

1:05:46And we're going to do it just for fun. But call and pick a horse. Call and pick me, Sienna, Woods, or L.O.B. to represent you and name that tune. And who won last time? Do we know? Lauren. Lauren won last time? Okay, cool. So call if you want to play. And what can they win? Today we'll give them tickets to see the movie Faster. There you go. Dwayne Johnson and Billy Bob Thornton. Give us a call. We'll play it next. Wait until Woods, he tells you in just a minute. What? this NFL coach did yesterday to interfere with a game. I've never seen it before. I've never seen anything like this before. So he'll tell you all about that coming up in just a bit. Also, we'll be doing the t-shirt pile on. We have a stack of t-shirts and we're all going to try to just put them on and see how many we can wear. I have an advantage. Why? I'm not going to share with you my advantage, but I will have an advantage. Okay. We'll see if it works. That's part of it. Is it butter? It's not butter.

1:07:02If it's no boobs, then I have an advantage. Sienna does not have an advantage. Sienna has a remarkable disadvantage. I got one shirt on, and it took me 20 minutes. It takes a while sometimes. All right, it's time to play Name That Tune, You Pick Your Horse. This is M1, Kendall Babies from Oceanside. Who do you want? That is a great choice. How old are you? How old are you? Eleven. Eleven. What do you want for Christmas? A new netbook. A new netbook? Wow. Eleven-year-olds want a netbook. Easy, big time. Wow. We'll see what we can do. Hang on the line, okay? Okay. Cutie. Wow. I got my MacBook Air. Oh, wow. Look at the look. Look at the looks. Look at the looks. Look at the looks in here. Why, Mike? Why? Later. Yeah, later. Just wait. Just wait. Here's justification. Ridiculous. Oh, my God. M1DB from San Diego. Are you there? Yeah. Who would you like to select? I love your enthusiasm. I'm sweating now. There was a couple people yelling back there. That's right. I feel really great right now. All right. Hang on, DB.

1:08:24M1, Amanda from Poway. Who would you like? Amanda, are you there? Hello? Hi. Mikey, please. Okay. Are you effing kidding me? Are you kidding? M1J from North Park, you're stuck with Woods. Yeah. Yeah, you got Wood. I was going to pick it from the beginning. Outta kid. There you go. Bring it home, Woods. You know that. Hang on. And I'll win. All right, now the theme, you guys, we use our name as a buzzer. Yeah. And the theme today is Christmas movies and music. Oh, boy. Yes. Good luck. These are tough. Here we go. What if you were given a second chance to get your life right this holiday season? Woods. The ghost. Oh, never mind. I was going to say the family man. Lauren. Lauren. Go ahead, Lauren. Scrooge. Yeah. Oh. Keep playing it. Keep playing it. Of Christmas past, present, and future. Get away. Get away. We'll give one man. Sienna. That chance. The Grinch. Yeah. What? I heard. Mikey. He's already just got a three-point swing there. Yeah. Man, I don't know. You don't have to guess.

1:09:43It's A Christmas Carol. A Christmas Carol. Makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, sure does. I thought it was the, Scrooge is like a remake of that. Yes. I thought it was the Grinch. I thought I heard Jim Carrey. He's, I think he's in it. He is in it. He's in it. He's a voice. It's an anime. Oh, it's a remake of A Christmas Carol. Oh, well, yeah, what? We have a moron. So Mike is winning with zero. Bad. Here we go. How about those hoots? Inviting me down now. Cianna. Cianna. Grinch. Yeah. Wow. Jim Carrey's version of. Yes. The Grinch was very strange, wasn't it? Yes. I loved it. Yeah, I didn't like it. Didn't cry to understand. Never saw it. Never saw it either. I like girls. I only saw the previews. I only saw the previews, too. I saw it. I've seen it a couple times. Here we go. Clarence! Sienna! Sienna. A Christmas Story. Wait. Yeah. Wait, isn't that what it's called? Yeah. A Christmas Carol? Mikey. A Miracle on 34th Street. Yeah. No. Dang it. Back home. Get me back. I don't care what happens to me. What? It's a Wonderful Life? Yes. Dang it! Yes! Nicely done. That's what I meant. I knew what it was, and I was like, I'm not going to guess. I thought it was. Dang it! I mixed up. Mike, negative one. Lauren, negative one. Wood, zero. Sienna, negative one. Dang it. I was like, oh! I knew it. I knew it. I've seen it a million times. Here we go. Hey, Griswold. Wood. Oh! Christmas Vacation. Darn it all.

1:11:14What? Bend over and I'll show you. I wasn't talking to you. I wasn't talking to you. There we go. What's this? What's this? Lauren. Lauren. The Nightmare Before Christmas? Dang it. Oh, wow. Gosh, this is heated. Yes. I thought there was music, too. What's this? Is it all movies? Movies. It's all movies. It's all movies? I was singing right there, too. Oh, okay. Here we go. Jack. No, Charlie. That's why I'm a misfit toy. My name is all wrong. No child wants to play with a Charlie in the box, so I had to come here. Where's here? Lauren. Elf. Darn it! I know this. I know this. Sienna. Rudolph. Nicely handled. It's a Charlie in the box. I'm so nervous. Mike, negative one. Lauren, negative one. Woods, one. Sienna, zero. Oh, boy. It's anybody's game. Lauren. Lauren. Charlie Brown's Christmas. Oh, wow. Whoa. Good lord. Oh, my gosh. That was good. Wow. Here we go. Dad, slather. Mikey. A Christmas story. Sienna. First off, I've got to do this for Mikey. The Santa Claus. Tim Allen. That's right. You're good.

1:12:45Here we go. I can't get the antlers glued onto this little guy. We've tried crazy glue. Maybe tried staples. But his life is about to change. Lauren. Scrooged. Score, score, score. Mikey zero, Sienna Woods, Lauren one. It's tied? You guys are all tied. Here we go. Woods. Bad Santa. No, wow. That's a great movie. It's my favorite Christmas movie. Here we go. I just like to smile. What's my favorite? Elf. Darn you! Wow, Woods is popping and locking. Popping and locking. So, where are we sitting? Mike, zero. Woods, three. Lauren and Sienna, one. I'm terrible. I'm going to make this. This is our final one. It's going to be four points. I'm just going to go for it and say Home Alone. Lauren. Lauren. Love Actually. Yes. It's me and Mike. It's me and Mike. Come on. Nobody's going to get it. Not between the two of you guys. The theater was the only hope I had. Polar Express. Yes. Never even saw it, actually. What? I read the book every Christmas Eve, though. Me too. You do?

1:14:33Okay, so. Playing that version because Woods wins again. Yes. Chalk it up. Man. M1J from North Park. Are you there? I'm there. That a boy, Woods. Woods, you got another victory. How I Got Christmas is beyond me. I know. Because you know why? Because you were the underdog and you fought Stephen Nail. You got Elf, Bad Santa, and Christmas Vacation. Those are the movies that every man has seen. Those are my three favorites. I haven't seen one of those films. You're a monster. You are. You are a monster. Not even a monster. You're just sad. You're not an American. This is sad. What were they again? Elf. Elf. Christmas Vacation. Christmas Vacation. Nope. Bad Santa. Nope, haven't seen it. Bad Santa you couldn't handle. Yeah. You just couldn't. You couldn't. And what were the other ones? There was no Christmas Story in there. Oh, yeah, there wasn't. I've seen a Christmas Story. I love Christmas Story. Miracle on 34th Street wasn't in there. Never seen that. And I've never seen It's a Wonderful Life. Every time a pill rings. I've never seen that either. I've heard it's such a great movie. It is.

1:15:46Such a good movie. I can't watch old movies like that. Can't either. Doesn't play well today. Plays well. It's a classic. Christmas Vacation, though, Mike, is, I mean. That is. That's the greatest movie of ever. Doesn't play well today. It plays so well today. Trust me, it does. It's so good. You can't even tell it's made in the 80s. It's probably the 90s. It's late 80s. Yeah, I think it's 87 or something. No. Yeah, it's late 80s, but it looks like it's easily late 90s. Yeah, it does. 570. I'll give you that. 194.9. Let's see. Why don't we do... Oh, my gosh. Where is it? Some of this. Oh, yeah. The Woods on Sports. Happy birthday to me. That's right. It's freezing in here. It's really not. Don't forget to talk about MacBook Air. Write it down. Woods on Sports is brought to you by our friends at Clearview Eye and Laser Medical Center. First, let me end all... I want to put everybody's mind at ease. I'm going to start with the lead story. The Tipsy Crows did, in fact, lose yesterday to Barry's Sporting Goods. Whose team is that again? That's my baseball team. My men's league. Yesterday, I did play ball like a girl as I went down looking twice. Your adult baseball league. Yes, we lost. And I know people were very concerned. The reason they distinguish is because most of these kinds of leagues are...

1:17:12little kids playing, but they also have them for grown-ups. If you're an adult man, if you pay the registration fee, you can actually play baseball. Yes. In our case, we have a sponsor, so we're kind of professionals. Yeah, the Tipsy Crow bar, they sponsor you, so they bought your uniforms and all that stuff, and so you guys get to show up out there and play baseball. And you don't even have to pay now. It's like we're getting paid, kind of. It's because there's money in our pockets, money we don't have to spend. So we're like semi-pro. You're breaking even. We're semi-pro. You're breaking even. No, we're coming out ahead. I would definitely not call you semi-pro. I'd say we're semi-pro. You have to pay your gas. I'd say we're semi-pro. Oh, okay. I'd say we're semi-pro. Do you pay for equipment? Do you use your own? Yeah, yeah, we use our own equipment. Do you have a coach? Oh. Yeah, we do have a coach. Manager? Yeah, we do have a manager. Player manager. Do you have like a... Do you guys have like an equipment manager? Batboy? No, we handle our own stuff like that. Do you have an owner's box? We actually do have fans that come out. I wouldn't say groupies. Not groupies necessarily. Do you have a box for the players' wives? There are wives. Do you have baseball cards? There's bleachers there. We don't have baseball cards. When you play other teams. Yes.

1:18:25Do you get flown to those cities? Well, we play all our games locally. Oh, you play local games? Yeah, local. We're like a semi-pro local league. Like a semi-pro local league. So when you play, say, a team in Poway, do you have a team charter? No, we just meet there. You meet there. Semi-pro style. Do you have a locker room? Oh, no, we get ready at our cars. What I do... Do we have a big game meal together? No, no. We eat breakfast at our separate houses. What's breakfast? I have Frosted Flakes. Okay. And then what I like to do is I like to wear flip-flops into the stadium. Into the stadium. And then I like to... Is it the stadium, actually? It's elementary school. It's elementary school. It's not elementary school. Baseball. Diamond. Yeah, and there's a t-ball team. Yeah, right up there. We usually have to kick little kids off. They're practicing. But we did, in fact, lose. And we were very bummed. I was so upset. I struck out twice. Did you throw your mitt on the ground? Yes, I threw my mitt into the wall. I did punch also the thing that holds the helmets. Oh, boy. And I kicked the chair over, and I kicked the garbage can. Was your wife scared? Yes. You're really something else. I know.

1:19:48You really are. That's one way to describe it. He came in this morning and he wasn't as usual. No, she asked me. What's wrong? What's going on? He's like, we lost yesterday. It was a rough night. You know, he texted me. Funny. He texted me that he lost. And I felt bad for him because I know it means so much to him. I was so sad. I was going to say, well, there's always next season. But I was like, I'm going to zip my lip. New season starts in February. Run through your sports really quick because I want to tell the story about you. On Saturday night. Okay. Well, Cam Newton, runaway favorite for the Heisman Trophy. He had an interesting quote. He goes, I just want you guys to know I love my parents so much. And they just do so much behind the scenes that people don't even know. And everyone was like, because of the scandal with his father. And his dad doing stuff behind the scenes, you know, like selling him to a... whatever college organization was able to pay the most to get him. Absolutely. I'm going to rip through this course really quickly. Colts over the Titans. Buccaneers over the Redskins 17-16. Bills 13. Browns 6. Lions 7. Packers 3. Aaron Rodgers took another concussion yesterday. He's going to be out for a while. Jaguars 38. Raiders 31. Big win for the Chargers in that.

1:21:02The fact that the Raiders lost. The Steelers, 23. The Bengals, 7. T.O. crying after the game as usual. Ocho Cinco tweeting F-bombs left and right. It was such a sight to see. Maybe win a game. Maybe win a game. Yeah, 2-11. I'm sorry. Oh, wow. The Falcons, 31. The Panthers, 10. The Patriots dismantled the Bears, 36-7. The 49ers, 40 points. 21 for the Seahawks. Cardinals 43, Broncos 13. The Broncos are a bad football team. The Dolphins 10, the Jets 6. Mark Sanchez didn't play that well. Neither did really anybody on that squad. And I'm going to tell you this story here in a second. It's going to blow your mind. Chargers 31, the Chiefs 0, the Eagles 30, Cowboys 27, Saints 31, Rams 13. You got two Monday night games. Giants and Vikings played in Detroit. Detroit. And the Ravens at the Texans. Now, yesterday, Dolphins, Jets. There is a punt. Was it a punt or a kickoff? I think it was a punt. They were punting. And the Dolphins are going down to cover the punt. So this gentleman, Nolan Carroll, is running down the sideline when it clearly shows a Jets assistant coach stick his knee out, trips the guy. The guy goes flying, and he's down. And he stays down. And the guy that did it's name is Sal Alosi. Sal Alosi.

1:22:20coincidentally enough, won an award for sportsmanship when he was at Hofstra University. Are you kidding? Yeah, I heard that this morning. I was like, well, that's great. So he was a coach. He's not even here. He sticks his knee out, trips the guy, he goes flying. The Dolphins were so hot and mad about this after the game. Listen to Carlos Dansby. I didn't know what took place, and like I said, it's sad, man. Sad situation. No place for that football. I think they'll get fined for it, hopefully. I'll leave it up to the league, man, and hopefully they can fix that. You don't want it to take away. If that was the case, I'd have tripped James Harrison. I'd have tripped him on a touchdown run in the Super Bowl. You know what I'm saying? Hell, I might be a champion right now. If that's the case, they're going to let that fly, man. They've got to handle it. They'll handle it. I believe in Gradel and everybody. I think they'll take care of it. He called Roger Goodell what? Goodell? Goodell. Goodell. Leaving Roger Goodell. Goodell. Goodell gonna take care of it. Listen, every single time that some one of these cases come up, Goodell, he get a hold of it, he take good care. Amazing. That's Woods on Sports. Thank you. Thank you. All right, that's Woods on Sports. Oh, gosh. Feast on it. Feast on it. Get some. Saturday night. Get some. We went to a charity.

1:23:38Friday night. I know, we'll do it. Friday night. Was it? Friday night. Saturday was the hootenanny. Yeah. Friday night, Woods and I co-emceed. Co-seed. A charity. Co-seed. We co-seed it. You co-seed. And it was for some friends of ours. Their daughter has cancer. And so they had a fundraiser over at Tommy V's in Del Mar. And, you know. It was a lot of professional athletes. Baseball players. Baseball players. And the reason is because our friend Dom, he would have played baseball, but he injured his knee. He was going to play for the A's. Wow. But he knows Mark Kotze from those days. Yep. Mike Sweeney. Mike Sweeney from those days. And so he's friends with them. And so here's who was at this thing. Jake Peavy, Trevor Hoffman.

1:24:38David Wells. Wow. Brad Ausmus. Mark Kotze. Am I missing anybody? Mike Sweeney. Brett Boone. Tim Wallach. Big players. So you guys weren't nervous at all? I wasn't. I wasn't nervous. I was stoked. Yeah, yeah. I'm excited. I said, the first thing I said, I got on the mic was, I said, It looks like we're at the after party for the ESPYs. Yeah, right? It did. Because it did. Yeah, model wives walking around. Yeah. Very beautiful women. Every woman was 6'4". Yep. And beautiful. Yep. And, you know, you'd look to your right and you didn't realize that the guy that was standing, it was so packed. Packed. 240 people. Oh, it's so good. And it was so packed and you realize, like, you're standing next to somebody and you look and it's... Jake Peavy. Yep. You know, or whatever. And so anyway, we talked to, we were talking at the end of the night. What a night for Woods. I have a very important question. Yeah, go ahead. I saw a lot of pictures of Woods on Facebook with a lot of all-star baseball players. Yes. I wanted to know, did you go up to them, excuse me, Mr. Hoffman, sir, and could you take a picture with them? He did. Yeah, he did.

1:26:06Or was it like all night we were bros? No, no, no. They got him and they said, are you Woods? Can we take a picture together that you can put on your Facebook? Here's how it went down. And my wife was kind of sniggling at me a little bit. I did too, but behind your back. But that's okay. Because I told a story there and they were all laughing. Like laughing, laughing. Like I made them all laugh. The Sweeney story? Yeah, I told them the Sweeney story. And they were sniggling pretty hard. David Wells actually goes, bro. He was just telling me that story. That's the greatest story ever. It is. And I went, it was like my crowning moment. Because Woods is a Yankee fan, has been a Yankee fan since he was a little kid, and just lives, breathes, and bleeds Yankee pinstripes. And so when David Wells walked into the room, and Woods embarrassingly beelined to him. Exactly. You know, I... Well, first of all, was, you know, mortified for him. But I was happy for him. But I was happy for him. That's what I wanted to know. If there was no shame in his game or if he was like slick. None. None. And, you know, I know the kind of guy Boomer is because I know everything about the guy. And I knew he'd be like, hey, what's up, dude? How you doing? So you notice I didn't walk up to Brad Ausmus and go, hey, Brad, I'm Woods. Because Brad's a very quiet guy. He's got a quiet demeanor. Right. Boomer Wells is like.

1:27:30Hey, let's go get shots. You know what I mean? That's just how he is. I met him before a long time ago. So Woods gets, me and Woods, get to spend, I don't know, 30 minutes. About 30 minutes. And David Wells is just telling stories. No way. It's me, Mikey, and him. That's it. Now, I'm not a baseball guy. I'm not a baseball guy, but Woods is. Well, he played for the Padres, too. Woods did? No, no, no. When did you play? Wow. Well. Yeah, David Wells played for the Padres. But there was a moment where I thought to myself, I'm so happy for Woods right now. And I bet Woods can't believe what's happening because he was standing there, and David Wells is telling Woods about the night before he pitched the no-hitter. Perfect game. Oh, my gosh. The perfect game. You're like a little kid. I was. He's a tall dude. Yeah. Tall dude. And I was looking at him. And I'm a 35-year-old man. And when I got in the car, I was literally fist pumping. I bet. I was so excited. I was like, babe, I just got to listen to stories from David frigging Wells. Yeah, I was. I was like. He was a little kid. It was great to see. He was the nicest dude. He was. The nicest guy. So I am.

1:28:55taking a picture for Woods of him and Peavey and David Wells. Hoffman and Wells. Trevor Hoffman. Trevor Hoffman and David Wells. And I'm taking the picture. So I take the picture. iPhone takes awful pictures with a flash. Awful. Great pictures without it, but with a flash, it looks like it was taken in 1955 with a bad bulb. Anyway, I take this picture. And I'm putting my phone away and David Wells goes, Mikey. And I go, yeah. And he goes, hey, what's the deal, man? Like, where are you at? And I said, oh, I'm at 94.9. And he goes, okay. He goes, because I tried to call you at the other station and I got the runaround. And nobody wanted to tell me where you were. And I started laughing. Yeah. I started laughing because I thought. That's strange. How odd. They didn't want to tell you where I was? What about my answering service that's set up? Yeah. You didn't even get my answering service over there? Wait a minute. They didn't answer the phone and say, Hi, Rock 105, Mikey's over at FM 94.9, where you can catch him 6 to 10, Monday through Friday morning. Right. Tune in.

1:30:22Be there or be square. It's such a funny show. So anyway, he may, he may come in here on Thursday. For the Mikey-thon. Should we tell about the bid, too, about who won the chance to come in and hang with us? Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. We also did, which I've never done, a live auction. And this room, like Mike said, about 240 people. I'm on the mic. We switched. So I started. I'm like, do we have 500? We have 500 right here. I was really getting into it. Of course you were. It was really cool. We gave away a backstage pass. And Mark Kotze, who is such a great ball player and such a great dude, bid on it. He's like, I want to come in and I want to hang out. His wife, Jamie Kotze, told us beforehand, she goes, he will not be outbid for it. For that, before it started. Yeah. Oh my gosh, how cool did you guys see that? She goes, started at $500. She goes, we're going to start at $200. I go, well, if he's not going to be outbid, maybe we start at $500. She's like, oh yeah, he'll pay $500. We got a pretty good amount for it, too. Wow, that's awesome. Which is awesome. Who does he play for? Well, he's not playing right now. He has played for the Padres, played for the Red Sox, played for the A's, played for a few different teams. Is he done playing? I was talking to him about that, weird.

1:31:46He said he's going to go – he wants to do commentary because he's frigging funny. He's funny and he's like quick and he's smart. And he was thinking about maybe MLB Network or ESPN. And I was like, dude, that is so awesome. So he does sports, huh? Yeah, he does sports. Oh, really? I'm just thinking. Stop it. What are you thinking about? You probably couldn't afford him, pal. Trust me. I don't even know if I told you this. Yeah, I think I did. I walked over to the Trevor Hoffman. There were silent auctions going on, so you sign your name. So I go over to the Trevor Hoffman jersey, and I had bid on it. And they were closing them. And I was the final bid. And it was me and Kotze, Mark Kotze, that were bidding on this Trevor Hoffman thing. And I was the final bid. And so as I walk over there, I look at it. And he walks up right next to me and he looks at it and he looks at me. And I look at him and he goes, if you do it for $100 more, then you can have it. And I go, I don't have $100. What would I have? I'm bidding on it, you know? And I go.

1:32:57I'm embarrassed. Now my manhood is in question. Oh, boy. You have to do it. And I go. And your allowance. Am I allowed? Well, luckily, this wasn't an allowance thing because it's charity. Allowance was out the window that night. Allowance was out the window that night. So I go, you got it, pal. And I write it down. And he kind of squints at me like he's irritated. And so I go. He goes like this. He goes, you know, the PB jersey is still available. And I go, really? So we walk over to get the PV jersey and I go, we walk over to him and I go, I don't want it. He goes, why not? I go, it's his Chicago jersey. Yeah, it's his White Sox jersey. And he goes, oh. He goes, what about the Phillip Rivers? And I had been bidding on the Phillip Rivers jersey. And it was $50 more than the bid I had just put in for the Trevor Hoffman thing. So I said, fine, I'll take this. You take the. And he goes, okay. Before I was even done saying it. I go, fine, I'll take this. You take it. He goes, okay. So he ended up with the Trevor Hoffman jersey, and I ended up with the Philip Rivers jersey, which is signed, which we'll frame and put here in studio. Yeah, that's awesome. We love you, Philip. Yeah, it was a great night. Woods may be the best emcee.

1:34:16He's made for it. No, for sure. I mean, he's made. I was. I was. I rose to it. He should be. Wow. He should be a professional. MC for like a living. You could be a really good DJ at weddings and stuff. You know, I've never. On the main stage. Yeah, next on the main. Give her a big Texas hell yeah. It's Portia. I've never had a problem talking in front of people. Ever. A thousand people. I'd be like, hey, what's up? Or to strippers. Or to strippers. Yeah. Oh, I know. But no, I just. So nerve wracking. I love it. Yeah. I thrive on it. It was a good night. You ever attention whore real good? When we come back, we're going to do the t-shirt pile on. We're all going to, all of us here on the show, we're going to put t-shirts on. I'm nervous. And see who can get the most t-shirts on in 60 seconds. Why don't we make it a contest and let people call and pick? Yeah, absolutely. Call, pick who you think will get the most t-shirts on in 60 seconds out of the five of us. Do you think people are going to vote for me? Can I tell the audience what you just told me? Oh, God. I kind of want to. Can I tell the audience what you just told me? No, yeah, yeah. You can tell them for sure.

1:36:06I want to try to get him on the horn. No. No? No. Really? I think maybe we leave him alone a little bit. Don't be that way. Don't be like, I know everything about how to handle celebrities. We're pals. I thought you meant you were going to tell the audience that Woods asked what should I wear at Mikeython. Is that what I was doing? Yes. Okay. Woods. Don't do it. Did the girls ask? No. Don't do it. No, that's not what we're talking about. Oh. You missed it. No. Oh, I thought that's what you guys did. You guys missed it. Apparently. Woods says during commercial break, I may have texted Mike Sweeney yesterday for advice in my game. Who do you think you are? Steve Woods. You think you could just text him? Tell people what you texted to him. Hey, man, I need some help at the dish. What did he say back? Get a life? Nothing. Even worse. Even worse.

1:37:12My skin just almost came off. My skin just almost came off. I'm sweating now. My skin just almost came off. Wow. That's why you lost, because you were so bummed out about that, probably. No, it was after the game. Oh, okay. Because I sucked. Here's my logic. Do you want to hear my logic? Yes. First of all, the guy's my best friend, number one. Number two. I'm a stalker. Wrong mic. Wrong mic. Number two. First of all, he's my best friend. Best friends should return texts. Number two. Maybe he lost his phone. I bet he did. I bet he did. He probably dropped it in the toilet. Maybe he didn't have your number programmed. No, he's got it in there. Because he's texted me before. He texted me the night of the thing. He goes, can't wait to see you tonight. That's what best friends do. I think he may have sent us. I think he may have sent that text to both of us at the same time. Could be. Could be. But it doesn't matter. Mike got the same text. He said, hey, man, can't wait to see you tonight. And then, you know, you figure you send a text like that to somebody. They want to be friends. You're obviously, you know, friends with them. So I wrote him. I was kind of joking, kind of wasn't. Because he was asking me. He asked me right before he left. He goes, what time is your game on Sunday? And I was telling him a little bit about it. And I go, hey, if you're not going to play next year, come out and join the Tipsy Crows. It was a bit. He died laughing and, like, gave me a big hug. So I left. And I texted him. I was like, yeah.

1:38:36I need some help with the dish. Here's my thoughts, right? What do you think he's going to say? Well, here's the thing. It's the offseason. These guys got a hit. They probably need somebody to throw BP to him. I can throw BP to him. He can hit. We'll go. I'll hit him some grounders. Whatever he wants. Whatever you need. And maybe he, in turn, could. Return a text every once in a while. Well, he could help me at the plate a little bit. There's something wrong with my timing, my swing. Sure. He's a .297 lifetime hitter. He knows what he's doing. He's a professional baseball player, right? I'm a semi-professional, so we're kind of in the same way. You're in a paid men's adult league. Pay to play. Let's see if he texts. He's going to check. Nope. Still nothing? Maybe take your battery out. I need to reset my phone. Yeah, you should reboot your phone because I'm sure he texted you. I bet he did. Let me double. Hold on. Let me double check. Yeah. Sometimes my phone freezes up. And maybe he texted you, but you texted another. I'm reading it. I need some help at the dish, bro. Exclamation point. Oh, boy. He's like, loser. Wow.

1:39:35Maybe he didn't know what dish meant. He knows what dish is. Maybe he's changing his number right now. Maybe you call in to the Mikey Show, 570-1949. Mike Sweeney, call in and defend your best friend. Your best pal. Now, if he doesn't call. He's going to call in and be like, what do you want to know about Peavy? I want video of the moment Sweeney got that text. Really? Oh, yeah. I want to see what it would have been like. I hate eye roll. He has kids, right? I hate all of you. He has kids. Yeah, he's got kids. He's probably in the middle of playing with his kids. He's like, what? Come on. I guarantee you. He's tossing the ball around with his kids. He's in his pocket. Maybe he's. He's like, I need some help at the dish, bro. Clown. And then he just stared at his phone for three minutes. He's like. Who's this from again? No, no. He knows who it's from, but he's like. Oh, no. I'm sweating. I thought I blocked that number. I am sweating. He's like. So bad right now. Oh, no. What have I done? He's like, oh, God. Oh, no. Oh, no. What did I start? He asked his wife. He's like, how do I handle this? I ruined Barry Zito's career. I know you did. You called him. Yeah, I called him. While he was playing a game. Drunk. I was drunk on vodka. Hey, man. Hey, dude. Hey, dude. You didn't ruin his career. This was me. What's up, Z? This was me. What's up, Z? Dude.

1:40:59I haven't even seen you pitch before, bro. I'm watching you right now, dude. You're killing it. Oh, wow. You're killing it. Dude, you just struck out Barry freaking Bond. Bad decision. Bad decision. I just dropped my phone. Oh, wow. You struck out Barry Bonds, bro. Bro. I'm still here, T. I'm mortified. I'm mortified right now. Hey, bro. Bro. 5701949, please. This guy at Woods is a real skin wearer. I bet you. He went inside. I go, do you think that Mike Sweeney and his wife are like, Mike Sweeney and his friends are like, you're going to come home and Woods is going to be on a floaty device in your pool. What's up, guys? Do you have any pina colada mix in the house? His friends are like, hey, did you come home today and Woods was on your laptop? Oh, wow. Stop hitting your head against the microphone. Oh, my gosh. I wonder, though, if he got the text and went into his wife and he's like, how should I handle this? Oh, God. Lauren! You know what you do, sweeten dog? You just don't text back because you're going to encourage it. Oh, God. Oh, God. It happened with Ryan Matthews. With me. It happened with me and Ryan Matthews. And Richard Dreyfuss. Why don't you guys just leave these people alone? Yes, you do it! I wrote Richard Dreyfuss. Thank you!

1:42:22You guys, just leave them alone. Leave these people alone. Yeah. Stop bugging them. I just want to go hit grounders with them just one time. So does everyone. Who's going to cry? Doesn't make it okay. I just want to go. I want them to go, yeah, dude, we work out at Helix Field and come on out, throw some BP. And I get up there and I'm standing on the mound and I'm like, now throwing batting practice to Mike Sweeney. And I'll just start dealing. I got him. Oh, my gosh. Oh, boy. Wait, wait, wait. Damn it. Stop looking at your phone. Damn it. It's not going to happen. It's snot. Anything, Mike? Nothing. Barry Zito hasn't texted you back. He hasn't called me back either. He never called me. Anyway. I have vomit in my throat right now. It's perfect for the t-shirt pile on then. All day I was like this. You kept checking? Yeah, I was like... Nothing. You know what? I met Rob Schneider a couple years ago. I was waiting tables, and I was like, hey, I've got a comedy show coming up. Maybe you can go. And he was like, totally. I'll totally check it out. Then I friend requested him on MySpace, and then I was like, so I'll remember me. He actually did write back once and then never again. But I was like, I thought we were going to be like friends. Yeah, pal. He's going to be like, L.A.B., I got a part I want you to read for in my next terrible movie.

1:43:50You guys, I imagine myself with a snifter with Richard Dreyfuss. We all do. We all do it. I imagine him going, hey, Woodsy, listen, I got two offers. The White Sox and the Angels. What would you do? And I'm like, well, dude, you know, you go to the Angels because they're close to home. Yeah, I'm like, Sweeney, listen, man, stay close to home. But, you know, if you go to Chicago, you play with Peavy. That's pretty rad. And they got a great squad. They just side Adam Dunn and, you know, the whole thing. Question. Yeah. Have you imagined this conversation? Mike Sweeney comes out, help you with the dish, comes to one of your games and goes, man, Woodsy, you got an arm. Yes. You could have played. No, no, because I know I couldn't have. I'm too fat. No, you're not. I did imagine this. Ready? You want my whole scenario I had in my head? Yes. Stalker. I'm a stalker. Wait, wait, wait. I got to give you the music. Please give me the music because I got the whole thing. Let me check my phone again. Where'd it go? Nothing. Oh, here it is. Where's the phone? What did it look like? So it looked like this. He writes back. Absolutely, bro. Would love to help. I actually have a batting cage at my house. A lot of these guys do. I actually have a batting cage at my house. Me and Katze work out here a lot. We actually are going to work out Tuesday at 3 if you want to swing by and hit a little bit with us. And I go, yeah, that'd be great.

1:45:12I get in there. They got the big L screen up. And they're like, Woodsy, throw us a few. And I'm behind the L screen. And I'm slinging batting practice to Kotze and Sweeney. And then Kotze, he's like, yeah, get at the plate. And I grab one of their bats, their major league bats. And I'm in the thing. And I'm whack. And I'm hitting them. They're like, yeah, Woodsy, nice cut, baby. And I'm like, get your hands up. Get your hands up. I'm like, bam, bam. And then after, I'm like, dude, that was so awesome. Thanks so much. Like, oh, we work out, you know, three or four days a week. You want to come out and throw. Anytime. With any time. I just want to be best friends. It's not that big a deal. And then I'm going to interrupt your fantasy. So then as you're swinging. Yes. Sweeney comes up behind you. He goes, no. Puts his arms around. No. I don't want him to make love to me. He goes, look, you got to get the. You got to get the wrists going. The wrists just more than likely. Like this. Yeah. Swinging together and he teaches you the whole swing. And he said, Woodsy, hands up. Get your hands up. And I'm like, all right, all right. And he's like, quick, quick back, quick back. Woodsy, do you fast forward three or four years? And he's like, bro, since you're going to be here at two, can you pick up some chips? Because the wife and I forgot to get the chips for the party today. It'll be my pleasure, bro. It'll be my pleasure. Yeah.

1:46:26Or do you fast forward, you guys are like on a family vacay? Yeah, family vacay. Like all families. The Cates, the Woods, the Sweeney's, and the Esparza's. And we're just kicking it. Oh my gosh. In the thing, he's like, so it's the Sweeney Woods, you know, family vacation. And they're in Maui. A slow-mo montage. Yeah, they're in Maui. And Sweeney is, you know, Sweeney's sitting on a beach chair. And the beach, and Woods is next to him. Sweeney's got his sunglasses on. He's sweating. He's looking over at Woods and he's like, I just don't know about this agent, man. And Woods, he looks at him and Woods goes, listen, I told you about that guy forever ago. I told you. I told you to get rid of that guy two years ago. Sweeney's little kid throwing a pitch to Woods, he's a little boy. Just a single tear falling down from Woods' eye. You know what this monster on my right just did? What? She just texted me. Loser. And I made noise. Excited to see a text message. Oh my gosh. Now everybody's texting me. I was trying to do the same thing and I made noise. Loser! Hey man, I need some help with the dish, bro, from Red Kuros. Great. Facebooking me real good. I'm going to text you later today and it's going to say, I'm DJing this weekend.

1:48:06Need to know what to spin. Need some help with the mic, bro. Teach me how to rock the mic. Poor Woodsy. Poor Woodsy. Poor Woodsy. You're the coolest guy I know. You're the coolest. You are. I'm a dork. Why are you sinking to this level? That's not sinking. That's going up. I'm moving up to the upper echelon. You got to slow it down, partner. Slow it down. Slow my roll. Breathe. Whoa, Nelly. Slow it a little. Hey, Woodsy, my dog just went to the bathroom in the living room. What's a good cleaner offer? I hate everybody. What should I use? It's stating the carpet. 570-1949. 570. Why don't you just give out your personal digits on the air? 570-1949. Hey, Woods, I'm at Target. What's a good spittoon? Hey, Woodsy, bro, I'm in Dallas. Where can I get a good steak?

1:49:07This is awful. This is awful. This is awful. What's your favorite kind of donut, dude? Woods, I'm on the grill. Need some help with the grill, bro. This is awful. This is awful. Please write me back. Now I feel like we need to get him on the phone. Yeah. He's got some explaining to do. Don't text him, Woods. Sometimes. Not again. He's got some explaining to do. 570-194. Wait a minute. M1 John from Temecula Valley has a celebrity story about me. Uh-oh. That's probably going to embarrass me. Don't I do that enough? What? What is it? What's up, brother? What's going on? How you doing, man? I'm fine. Dude, I love you. I love you so much. You're the greatest. I'm so glad you're up 94.9. I just got to say that. Love you in San Diego. Love you now. Thank you. So I got this job in Carlsbad.

1:50:14when you were in San Diego and told you this story. So I was in Carlsbad working as a waste manager and working as a trash guy. And so I'm on my route and I'm going, and I see this Mexican guy in shorts and a flame T-shirt. I go, is that Mikey? And so it kind of, it crosses through my brain, but I didn't have, I was that star shot. So I didn't jump out and say hi. So later that day, I went home, and I jumped on the Internet, and I got on the MikeyShow.com, and there was Mikey with the flame shirt and the shorts and the bald head. And I went, oh, man, there was Mikey. I totally had a chance to say hi, and I didn't take it. Where was that? That was at your house, actually, in Carlsbad. I don't remember the street or anything, but it was in that cul-de-sac. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. And you were actually, that day, you were getting direct TV installed. Weird. Yeah. Isn't that crazy, bro? Oh, my gosh. You're making tacos in the front yard. Yeah. Was I just rolling tortillas in the garage? Did he have a sombrero? Yeah. He's like, you know, I went to the website and I was like, oh, yeah, that's the same sombrero that I saw when I was out there. Hey, thanks for the call, dude. Totally, bro. Love you. Thank you.

1:51:39Hey, everybody, let's keep everybody on the line. I don't even want to do the t-shirt thing. Why? We will. I do. I do want to do the t-shirt thing. But I'm considering getting Sweeney on the phone. Well, we can do both. We can try to do both. I got his number if you want. Let's not make it anyone. Let's talk to him. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Don't text him, please. You're like someone going through a breakup. Stop calling. You look desperate. Yeah. Text him and say, dude, it isn't me. It isn't you. It's me. But this is over. Oh, yeah. No, don't. Sweeney text you back yet? Let me see. Hold on. I got a text. Nope. All right. We'll do the T-shirt pile on here in a second. Sienna, what's going on in the news? Some fun news. Taylor Swift. Turns 21 today, guys. One day. There you go. She can go to a bar now. Also, Nat and Kat were on the Amazing Race. The finale was last night. They're two girl doctors that were on the show together. And they've just made history becoming the first two women team to claim the million dollar prize after 17 seasons. So congrats to them. I wonder how the Mikey show would do on something like that. Probably not very well. Probably not. Let's see what's going on in sports.

1:53:26Well, the Chargers won yesterday. That was a good thing. They didn't just win. They won 31 to nothing. I think it was the first home shutout in 18 years. Wow. Memories. Nice. Pretty rad. Good job. Also, boxing promoter Don King was stopped by security at Cleveland's Hopkins International Airport. He had ammunition in his carry-on luggage. Perfect. Ammo for a .38 caliber and .357 caliber firearms in his bag. Oh, wow. Good work. Tonight's 8 o'clock album, The Falls. Total Life Forever is the name of the album. Let's do this. All right. Let's do this. You're going to pick a horse. Who can get the most T-shirts on in 60 seconds? M1 George from Del Cero. Who do you want? I want Lauren. You got it. M1 Jeff from Vista. Who do you want? Jeff, are you there? Please, Jeff. Jeff, you're talking to someone else. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Jeff. Hi, Jeff. Let's listen in. Jeff. Can we just leave it? Throw it out. Throw it out. Let's listen. He's coming. Hey, Jeff. How are you? Jeff? Hey, Jeff. Yes. Hey. That was a nice little combo you had there, buddy. That's right, Jeff. We were listening in. Who are you talking to? It's okay. Are you a male escort? Jeff, who are you going to pick? Woodsy. There you go. Hang on the line.

1:55:08M1 Jessman from Valley Center. Who do you want? Excuse you. Oh, my God. There's no leftover. There's no leftover yet. Are you talking about Sienna? Finals right now. That's awesome. That's awesome. I'm in class right now. Okay, that's awesome. All right, well, you got Sienna. Hang on to the line, okay? He wanted me. He did. There was more people left. M1 Meal from OB. Who do you want? I got Jay. You got it. Hang on to the line. M1 Brooklyn. From Normal Heights. Are you there? Yeah, today's your day, Mikey. Let's do this. Is it? Hang on the line. I have no idea how you would even determine which one of us had an advantage. I know. I have a disadvantage. Yeah, I guess so. Two disadvantages. Yeah. All right. Chesticles. Let's see. Hold on. Okay, we got 60 seconds. Got to take our headphones off. And this is... Let's see.

1:56:11Okay. Oh, wow, you start with no shirt on. Whoa. Woods, weird. One extra. That is your, that is your. That was my strategy. That was your strategy. Weirdo. Wait, are we allowed to? Sienna's like in a start position. Oh, no. I can't be in start position? Are we allowed to? Well, no, hang on, hang on. I can't take off my shirt. You can do whatever you want. Okay. You can do whatever you want. Okay, then I'm going to do it. Hang on. Get in start position. No more side profiles. How about this? All right, in front of us, we have a bunch of the new Mikey Show t-shirts, and we have to put on as many as we can in 60 seconds. Mikey's taking his watch and bracelet off, so am I. I'm taking my pants off. Hold on, hold on. Woodsy's taking a drink of water. I don't know what that's going to be. Hat off. Wait, wait, wait. I'm lubing up my arms. Oh, boy. Not. I'm not. All right, are you guys ready? Yeah. On your marks, get set, go. Nobody can hear the timer. We're going, we're going, we're putting him on. We're putting him on. Come on. Woods is going so fast. Woods, get off me. All right, stop, stop. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Now we have to. Wow. Now we have to count.

1:58:19Look at Sienna. Look at Sienna. She's got two shirts on. She looks like a linebacker. All right, so start and peel them off and count them out. I couldn't get them off. Okay, here we go. Ready? Are we going? Go ahead. All one time. Yeah, all right. One. Here we go. We're all doing it together. It's going to take too long. Okay. Happy birthday. One. And then we'll get an official count because I don't trust you guys. Two. And that's three. And that's four. How quiet is it? And that is five and six. I'm going to do this so that I don't show my naked body. 13. I have 13 as well. I have 10. 14 counting the shirt. I still have. Why are we out of breath? I know. Is that sad when you're out of breath?

1:59:31How many shirts, Mikey? I'm still counting. Oh, my gosh. One, two. Woods was grunting the whole thing. Oh, and he was ramming into me with his butt. Yeah, you were. You checked me. I only got 11. Ah, wasn't I tied? You guys tied with 13. Nice, baby. That was impressive. I've never done that before. That was fun. That was weird. Now these are game-worn, so when we give them away, they're game-worn. Oh, gosh. So they tied, right? They tied. Okay, so we'll give both of those guys something? Yep, we'll hook them up. Wow, that was the strangest bit I've ever done. Great radio. Yeah, you think Sweeney texted me to tell you the best strategy to put on t-shirts? Before we started the bit, you should have texted him and been like, hey, got to do this t-shirt thing. I need some help with the sleeve. I need some help with the sleeve! Some help with the collar, bro. Woods, he's checking his phone. Mike, he's still out of breath. I need some help. Gosh, why were we so out of breath? That's really weird. Getting dressed. Did you text him? No, I did not. I did not text Mike Sweeney. Unlike Woods. I think it's Mike's turn to get filleted here pretty soon. What did he just buy? Oh, yeah. Well, let's congratulate our winners. M1 Jeff. Jeff, are you there? Talking to another customer. You rascal. Hello.

2:01:01Hello. No, that's not Jeff. Jeff, hi. Hello. What's he won for you? Awesome. Hang on the line. And then M1 meal from OB. Jay won for you, so hang on the line. Awesome, thanks. Very well done. Chicken dinner. Very well done. Wow. I got the MacBook Air. Oh, boy. This has been all last week. Does anyone have $1,200? Does anyone have $1,200? Mm-hmm. Okay, well, I'll explain how this happened. You didn't hear him say that? I didn't hear him say that. I didn't hear it. I got... I had $138 left in my allowance. Monthly allowance? Huh? Is it a monthly allowance? Yeah. It rolls over. Oh, okay. Well, wait. A weekly allowance? You have to understand. I don't get another allowance until June of 2011. Whoa. Because of the TV. Because I got a TV. Yeah. So I don't get another allowance until June 2011.

2:02:00We'll look forward to that. Mikey really does need an allowance. So it's not weird that he has one. It's weird. He'll spend too much. It is weird. It's weird. Otherwise you said you'd have a tiger and like a pinball machine. Yeah, that's a true. A kiss pinball machine with a tiger. Actually kiss inside a pinball machine. When Rebecca and I first got married, she'd come home and she'd go, why did you buy a unicorn made of gold? I loved it. Oh, I thought it was cool. And so we, you know, came up with the idea. Well, I'll just be putting on allowance. And whatever's in my allowance, I'll spend, I could do whatever I want. And I don't have to hear of it. But if I want a big ticket item, then I have to pay it off. And I don't get an allowance for a while. And so I desperately wanted the new MacBook Air. Why? Because I have my laptop here in the studio that I use. And I'd like it to be stationary and stay. Stay here.

2:03:07And then at home, be able to have the flexibility to be able to use the laptop at home. You have an iPad, don't you? I have an iPad, but an iPad is a big iPhone. And you have a desktop. I do have a desktop. So I have to go to the desktop. And see, that's what I've been doing. You've been going to the desktop. If I have to write an email and it's longer than one sentence, the iPad is not for you. It ain't going to work. Plus your four-year-old son kind of has the iPod. It's his. What about your iPhone? Again, if you're writing an email over a sentence long, it's a beating. I do it all the time. You write long emails? Yes. My recaps almost every night are from my iPhone. It says from the bottom, some from my iPhone. I'm like, wow, she's a wizard on that thing. Holy cow. Well, I don't have a Mac. At all. You don't have a laptop. It's okay. Mike has seven. I know. Maybe you give me an old one. So my iPhone is the easy, you know, I don't have a computer at home. Well, I do, but it's not very good. Well, I got a check for speaking. Oh. And it was for the exact amount. No. Meant to be. It was meant to be. It was meant to be. Did you tell your wife you got the check or did you just deposit it and then go do with it what you will? I called her and I said,

2:04:24I'm still lacking this much, and so if you are going to get me anything for Christmas, can we make this it? You are a Wheeler dealer. You are. And she said, yeah. Nicely done. Yeah. How is it? It's phenomenal. I want one, too. It weighs a quarter pound. I want you to bring it in. They're so thin. That's how much it is? About 1,200? It weighs as much as that phone right there. You know what it doesn't? I heard it doesn't have a CD thing, though. Nope. It's so thin that you can't put a CD in it. Yeah, you get what they call a super drive if you need to do that. Oh. And I got one. Where? That's what I needed. And all it is is it looks like a little mini CD player. And it just connects. And it just connects and you put, but you don't have to. You know what you can do? You can put, if you want to load software, you can put it in your main computer and it does it remotely. How ghetto does this thing look now, my MacBook, compared to that thing? This is like the first iPod that came out. But it's still, that thing's a beast, man. That thing still works great. I want a MacBook Air. Oh, stop it, Wood. You're rubbing off of me. Give me your old one. If I get a MacBook Air, you can't have my old one. I'll sell it to you. No, just give it to me. No! I'll tell you what Apple has done that is genius, and I can't even tell you how they've done it. They've made their products a little bit like crack. Yes.

2:05:46In that when something else comes out, you're like, oh, I got to have it. Got to have it. I know. Somebody posted on the Mikey Show Facebook page, you're like, oh, I saw Mikey at the Apple store. He was so gracious and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, hmm, weird. Yeah, Mikey's at the store. What's he doing over there? The private investigator is like, really? Where was he standing? What area? What area of the store was he in? Did he have a new bag in his hand? How big was the bag? Did he come in with something in his hand? What was the shape inside the bag? Was it rectangular? I have an Apple question for you. Yeah? I need to get a new iPod already. I just bought this thing a year ago. If I bought a new iPod today, could I connect it to this and still get all my music off it? No, I don't think I can. Yes, of course. You can. Are you sure? Even my purchase? Here's my question to you. Yes. Your music is on your iTunes. Yes. Yeah, so you can buy a new iPod. I can get any iPod I want, plug it in, and it'll just... Of course. Anybody can get music off of your computer. They just can't offload it onto their computer. It can go onto their iPod, though. Like, I could connect my iPod up and get music off. I don't want you to, though. Is that true? Absolutely. You can only register your iPod to, like, three different computers or vice versa. Your iTunes can only be registered to three different iPods. Five.

2:07:08Are you sure, buddy? Do you promise me? Dude, this weekend when I bought the new MacBook Air, I had to register the iTunes, and it said this is five out of five iTunes that you've registered. You cannot register anymore. So I can go get a new iPod, plug that sucker in, and it'll download all my stuff. Yes, and buying that iPod has nothing to do with how many registered iTunes you have. Your wife is on the phone. Oh, my wife is online. Could be trouble. Hi, honey. Hi. How are you? Good. How are you? Good. I just wanted to mention I heard you guys talking about your Apple equipment. She's already annoyed. You know, for the reason why you needed a new laptop. Yeah. So. Poor, poor thing, Rebecca. put your iPad in and then it has a keyboard on it. Yeah. Kind of like a laptop, huh? It has a keyboard as well for the iPad? How dare you. How dare you? Michael. Hear me out. Also, I want to ask you if you've used your stylus lately. What's that? A stylus is one of those little pens that you bought for your iPhone, right? Right.

2:08:36I didn't even know that they made those. She said, you'll use it twice. And she was wrong. I used it once. Rebecca is married to a seven-year-old kid at Toys R Us. And here's the deal. Please let me tell them the Christmas so far. I had said— Mike's hands are over his face right now. Because I'm so—I'm the bad person. No, you're not. I said, I don't want anything for Christmas. And he said, oh, how come? And, you know, I had a reason, and I told him. And he said, okay, yeah, me neither. Let's just not—let's not get anything, you know. He told us that. Yeah. You know, because we do usually, and we will next year, but this year, you know, we just— Focus on the kids. So I was like, okay, cool, you know. So then, like... I'll say it. She wanted to give to the poor. She did. That's what she wanted to do. I did. It was wonderful. I'm saying it, like, guiltily. You know, like, that was her thing. We have so much. And instead of having more stuff, I would just rather give it to somebody who needs it. So he's like, oh, yeah, me too. That sounds great. So then, like, a few days later, I got an email from him that was, like, a link to something on Amazon. And he's like...

2:10:02Um, you know, if you were just like looking for something really small, you know, like, like stocking stuff or something, um, you know, this would be cool. Mikey, look at us. We need to see your face during this. He's looking away. A gift suggestion for himself. And I was like, okay, you know, I get it. With the link. And I probably would have been looking for something small. So then after that, I got another email for another. Don't you have to take Jake? Another email. Yeah, a second email. Very subtle. I think the first one was a DVD, and then the second one was a DVD. Inception. Inception and something else. Something else. And then the third one was, I got a third email, and that one was, you know, he wanted some candles and stuff for the studio. Oh, boy. Candles. More than likely. More than likely. So that, you know, that was cool. Mike, look at us. Look at us.

2:10:58So then, and I was like, oh, those are all pretty small things, you know. Oh, Jake's in need. So then he says, he had a serious conversation with me, and he's like, you know, I just, I really don't feel right not getting you anything for Christmas. I really don't, you know. So, you know, just please tell me, you know, that I can get you something. And I said, you know, there's a book that I want, so you can get me that. But other than that, I really don't want anything good. Tell them what it was, babe. I want the first Harry Potter book. Good for you. That's not greetings. It's great. It's a great. It's a good read. Classic. Yeah. So then he immediately goes into, well, because there's something that I want, too. Wow. A fourth thing. Saw that coming. Well, I want the new sling box, which is like this electronic thing. Oh, my God. What is it? For a TV? What's a swing box? Yeah, like, I guess you can... Mike, pull your face off of the table. No! Pick it up. His forehead is directly... He won't look at us, Rebecca. Hey, Rebecca. Yeah? Woods here. Can I read the text that you just sent me? Oh. Yeah. Ready? Why don't you guys quick text me? It drives Mike nuts. You ready? He has an iPod dock with a keyboard and a laptop and an iPhone.

2:12:27And a desktop and an iPad and now a second laptop. Ask him how often he uses his stylus. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Mike. So the Slingbox is, you know, it's a higher priced item. It's $300. Yeah. So I was like, hey, you know, babe, what, like, you know, we talked about it or whatever. Anyway, so we talked it out, and I said, okay, that's fine. You know, we can get, we can, we can, I can get that for you for Christmas. It's the HD one, if you're still... Oh, my God. You are the biggest little kid that you guys have. No, I was just saying, I don't even want it. Don't you? So then the next day, I think he thought about it, and he told me, you know what, I don't want that. Like, I'll save up for that, you know, when I start getting my allowance again. Yeah, right. And I was like, oh, okay, that's cool. So, you know, I'm back to the original, like, you know, couple of DVDs and some candles for the studio or whatever. And then...

2:13:28And then I get, hey, hon. Oh, my gosh. So I don't want anything for Christmas. Anything. Except for $300. Oh, my gosh. That's all I want for Christmas. But I want to get it now. Like, I want to use it now. So, like, you won't actually give it to me. I'll just use it now. He's a seven-year-old. He's a seven. Because he wanted to get his noob. And I go, um, well. She's getting her nails done. She's like, well, I guess. Okay. I call her, like, while she's in a business. Smart move. I'm like, hey, babe. So, can I, you know, can you, I just need an answer now. He was at the freaking counter. They were ringing it up. I guarantee you. He was. She's like, I'm right. I'm kind of, can I call you? No. I just need to know right now. I need to know now. You're good, pal. Oh. He says, all I want for Christmas is $300. Nothing else, not the DVDs, nothing. Doesn't he? He said that because he knows he's going to get lit or something. He knows you don't have it in your heart to give him nothing. Give him a tortilla. You guys. I need the $300 now. Oh. He must have changed his mind about the sling box, but he doesn't want to wait until Christmas. So I'm like, okay, you know, that's fine. Sounds good. You know, what are you going to get?

2:14:50Oh, the new MacBook Air. Can I tell you what Mike looks right now like he's overhearing one parent tell the other parent what he did while they were away. He is slumped over. So sheepish. Mike, look at us. Look at us. I realize that his ADD extends beyond just like, you know, activities in life and also includes like, Things that he wants to buy. Product interest. Yes. Yes. It's like 30 seconds later. And so I came home 15 minutes after that call and he was already gone to the Apple store. Oh. He looks so ashamed of me. So ashamed. Did you skip out of the house? If he had a tail. He did like one of those jump kicks. Yeah, jump kick. If he had a tail, it would be between his legs right now. 100%. Well, because who doesn't need two laptops? No, everybody. Hi, babe. How much was I on that thing this weekend? I can't tell the difference between both of them, so I don't know which one you were on. Oh, boy. Now, I'm in a dilemma because Rebecca says that she does not want anything for Christmas, and she genuinely wants it to go to the poor. You and me do. That's so sweet. Does that mean...

2:16:15That I really don't get her something. No, you get her something. You get her something small and meaningful. Small and meaningful. She says don't do it. How about you get me the book? Get her the book. That's small and meaningful. Maybe you get J.K. Rawlings or whoever it was to sign the thing. To show up. You better get her something else. Or you're a heel. Maybe make her another memory jar. Get a wisdom delivery. That doesn't cost anybody. You just going to put me on a spit? Maybe cue up an NSYNC song and dance with her. Maybe cue one of those up. Just give her a Christmas dance. Just give her a Christmas dance like you did before. Say what? I never said to say that on the radio. Did you not? No. It was in your recap. It's fair game. It wasn't in my recap. Wait, this is something real that you've done? It was not in my recap. Wait, what? What? Back up. Back up. I'm confused. I said that to you in the car. In the privacy. It doesn't matter. It's out there now. It's out there now. What happened? You're going to tell us all about it. Happened. Do you remember that, babe? No, I don't. What? When I lived in Dallas and you lived here and you flew out here. Oh. I can't say it. I can't say it out loud. What? Oh, when he picked you up from the airport, took you back to his apartment, queued up an NSYNC or Backstreet Boys song and slow danced with you to it. Oh, yes, I do. Yes, of course. How can I?

2:17:43What song? Mike, I know you know. Yeah, I don't remember. I knew I loved you before I met you. You guys, that's Savage Garden. You guys. Tearing me apart when I'm with you. And when we are apart, I feel it too. Let's see which one. That's it, huh? I'll play it. I'll play it for you. Weird that it's on your iTunes. Let's see. How do you spell NSYNC? N-apostrophe-S-Y-N-C. Jay would spell it N-S-I-N-K. Hey, guys. I'm going to go. I'll text you later. Don't text Woods. That drives Mike nuts. They text all the time like a couple of creeps. Do we? A couple of creeps. It is weird because he doesn't text Jamie. Of course I don't. It's your wife. I'm not texting her.

2:18:46Brett Favre sea shots or anything, dude. Aren't you? One time. Just one time. I had a few cocktails. What do you think about this? I don't have NSYNC anymore. That's too bad. What was the song? I don't remember it. I want it that way. Guaranteed. Guaranteed. You can't slow down for that. Show me the meme. No, no, no. It wasn't a dumb one like that. Oh, no. Oh, those are dumb? It was a cool NSYNC song. Yeah. You're such a D. Are you sure it wasn't New Kids on the Block? Here we go. Here we go. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. It was this one right here. Wait, wait. Just, everybody just wait. Hold up. It was from their No Strings attempt. I know that CD quite well. Me too. You're good. Where is it? More than likely. Oh, here it is. Here it is. Here it is. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Shut up. Mike. You texted Sweeney. A light bulb had to go off in your head, Mike. This is worse than texting Sweeney. This is worse. Slow danced. Slow danced in the mask. Oh, here we go. Were you wearing a tuxedo?

2:20:11How many Captain and Cokes in were you at this point? I was, dude, drunk on vodka. Completely drunk on vodka. Did you bury your head in Rebecca's hair and just go... Oh, my God. I can't work here anymore. I quit. More than likely. Let me tell you, too. Let me tell you, when I did this was when I was on the air at the Eagle. I couldn't have been further from this song on the air. Just a shock jock that, you know, filthy, filthy shock jock that portrayed myself as like Pantera and blah, blah. Meanwhile, I'm slow dancing to my girlfriend who would become my future wife to in sync this. I promise you. What would happen? What would have happened? People would have defected and thought he's a phony.

2:21:33Yeah, let's get him. Yeah, let's kill him. And they're hardcore fans. Oh, they were hardcore. I sold for that station. But it wasn't until I finally said, well, I'm just going to be me no matter how lame I am. I'm just going to be me no matter what. I like this song a lot. And you know, it's really, it's a sweet, sweet song. Just keep selling yourself on it. When I was a college sophomore girl, this was like one of my favorite CDs. She knows how to stab my stomach, which is the most painful place to be stabbed. She knows how to get me real, real good at LLB. We used to do like in my dorm room, do the dance to Bye Bye Bye. It was great. Yeah, a bunch of girls. Yeah. And Mikey. And Mikey. And me. Yeah. Just all the way in. Hey, guys.

2:22:44Woods. Yes. Pretend that no one publicly, just pretend it's me, you, and L.O.B. in the room right now because Sienna's pumping. Imagine that no one is going to judge you. Okay. Isn't this kind of a good song? No. You just, you cannot handle it. You can't be honest. I'm being honest. You're not. I love, dude, hey, I, you know where my soft spot is? What? Hair metal ballads. Oh, you're so tough. And I mean, no, like, Warrant. Don't try to sell that like that's embarrassing. It is. Every guy our age. Firehouse, Love of a Lifetime. Every guy our age listens to it. Steelheart, I'll Never Let You Go. Every guy our age listens to it. No, not every guy. Not every guy. Jay thinks it's lame. Garrett probably thinks it's lame. Yes, 100%. I thought you were more sold on just a guy and his guitar with his bleeding heart. Oh, I love that, too. But if you're talking about cheesy love songs... Wait, here's the good part. Really? I just...

2:23:47I can't stand those guys, man. I don't like the boy bands. Dude, I recognize the gayness of a boy band. I get it. I know. I'm just saying, my ears can't deny the sugary-ness of... I like Al Green. I feel like there was a time and place for that type of music in my life, and I've kind of moved on. Yeah. I have not. I hear this, and I still think it sounds nice. You're gay? Because I love and sing. Oh, listen to that. Good R&B, man. This will be racist, but I like the black singers. I don't like the white ones. I like when white guys sing black music. I do not. Even Justin Timberlake now listens to that and is like, turn back. Yeah. He's moved on. He's moved on and so should you. Yeah. I'm going to burn this and play it in my car. I like white guys singing like black guys. I do not. You're lucky you're already married. Yes. True.

2:24:51That is true. That is true. That is true. I would have such a hard time now if I were single. Thank God for Rebecca. Yeah. Ella B., you didn't have to say yeah. Yeah, she did. Okay? I can take it from Jay and Woods. When you, without even batting an eye, without even thinking about it, said yeah. When you said thank God for... You said thank God for Rebecca, I think. Yeah, but you also were saying, oh, not a chance in the world you could get a girl. No, I meant thank God for Rebecca. Because there's no way, Mike, that if you were a single man... No. That's not what I meant. No, I was giving a thumbs up to thank God for Rebecca because not only is she just great in and of herself, but she knows how to work you. But she is with a guy that has chi-chis. No. She knows how to push all the right buttons. So does my wife. She does. And make you tick. She does. So does my wife. So does your wife. She has a man with boobs. Oh, I meant they both. You guys both have very patient, very accommodating, very loving wives. I look at a guy like Woods and...

2:26:04If Woods was forced into singledom, there would be a line around. Woods. Woods. Woods. False modesty is not attractive. It's not false modesty. It is. It's the truth. Girls would line. If we said this, if we go, we're doing a contest, and the contest is date Woods, there would be a line around the building. And I know that this is true. If we did a contest, we're like, date Mikey. Let's do it. There would be a line for date Mikey. 100%. You're Mikey. Lauren, you would have girls with white canes showing up to this building. Yes, you would. Girls with white canes that go, I don't care. I just like his personality. But if there was one girl, a sighted girl, if there was a girl. A sighted. If we really had that contest. I'm going to give you a real number. I believe truthfully, and I'm giving myself some credit. I believe that three women, and I'm being completely serious. Stop it. False modesty, right? Four women. I believe that to be the truth. I don't. And I am. There'll be a lot more. At this point, I'm fishing for a girl to call and say, not true, Mike, not true. Mike. Mike. Look at the phone. Mike. Can I pull the curtain back? Look at the phone. Can I pull the curtain back?

2:27:30Look at the phone lines. I'm asking for your permission. There is not one phone line. I'm asking for your permission. What? Can I pull the curtain back? Yeah, but I don't know what you're going to write it down. I don't know what you're going to pull the curtain back on. It's pretty good. I don't trust the kid. I wish that I were more interested. Oh, stop it. What? I'm trying to think who that is. There's like a lot of hand signs going on. Where at? At the event. I don't remember. Just let him say it. You can say it. Okay. Because I don't remember. Mikey and I are standing by the... Oh, oh, oh. I remember what you're saying. Woods, I wouldn't have had a shot in the universe. Mikey. Mikey. This girl. L.O.B. Smoking hot. L.O.B. She was like... L.O.B. Smoking hot. Not a chance in the world. A thousand percent. In fact, she... She was like, oh my...

2:28:35Oh, my God. I am obsessed with you. Give me a picture. No, no, no, no, no, no. She loved The Mikey Show. No. And she wanted... Woods. You. Let's pull the curtain back completely and be honest. It's not called The Woods Show. No, no, no, no, no. Who was she dying to meet and couldn't wait to meet? Rebecca. Yes. But she was... She wanted to meet Rebecca. You know what girls are not interested in a guy? The girls that want to meet the guy's wife. Because she's like, you're the luckiest woman I've ever met. Yes. Really? Yeah. Didn't it have to be like M1 Kate? Maybe. Somebody texted a picture of you guys. She was like in a blue blue outfit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a picture right here. Beautiful. Not interested in me. Love you. Not even. M1 Kate, call in. She is. I am telling you that. She is one foot taller than you. Of course. Every girl is one. You know who's one foot taller than me? Annie. Annie from the play Annie, you know, with her red hair, a little orphan Annie, she's a foot taller than me. That girl wouldn't, if you said, listen, if you said, listen, we'll give you $1,000 to just go on a date with him. You don't have to kiss him. She'd go $2,000. I'll go. No way. Yeah. No way. You seem to be discounting the fact that you have a gorgeous wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know how I got the gorgeous wife? She fell in love with me before she met me and saw me.

2:29:59That makes my mouth water. Do you think for one second that Rebecca would be my bride, my wife, married to me with children? Had she seen what she was signing? That laugh. All that laugh. That L-O-B laugh. That particular laugh. It's piercing. It pierces me like a sword that's just been sharpened. Yeah, and hot. It's a hot sword. It's metal. It's glowing. How to tell it in a very self-deprecating way. It gets me. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to vomit. See if Mike Sweeney texted me. Nope. Nope. The Mikey Show is five people. Myself, I'm the host. Woodsy is our sports guy. LLB is our assistant producer. Sienna is our news girl. Jay is our producer. And screening phones for us today is Will. It's Will.

2:31:15We have M1 Kate on the line from Ensinia's. Kate is the gorgeous blonde that was at the charity event that we were at Friday night. Hi, Kate. Hey. How are you? How are you? I'm great, thanks. Good. We were discussing, well, Woodsy said that he believed that you... Well, how do you say it? Here's the deal. Mikey and I both have man breasts, and we were saying how lucky we are to have such beautiful wives, mostly because of our personality. Mikey said if I was single, there'd be girls. Me completely because of my personality. You, Woods, you have looks. No. You have looks and personality. pudgy. It's funny because he's fat. No, you're a tall, handsome guy. I look like I'm in an association for retired overweight jockeys. Neither one of them. Yes, guys that used to ride horses professionally, but now we're retired and we've gained weight. So the question, Kate, is would you date us? I would, definitely, because the personality makes it. Who over who? Duh!

2:32:32Well, Woods. She'd take you. I promise you. Woodsy, listen to me. If you had to choose, Kate. Don't put her on the spot. If you had to choose. No, no pressure. No pressure. Thanks, guys. She would choose you. Sounds like me. Yeah. Woodsy, she's a sighted woman. She can see. Like, I know that. You guys need to stop this nonsense. Cut it out. Stop it. She would take my kid. It was the backup. Yeah, just ignore them. It'd be tough for her. It'd be a tough choice, she said. Yeah. It would be Mikey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys don't realize how much, like, personality goes way far. Oh, yeah. Way far. Personality? It doesn't, like, guys don't look at girls and think that? No, not at all. You know how, listen. It's so unfair, yeah. You know how women will say, and this is an adult show, so I'm going to speak frankly in adult here. Do you know how girls, a lot of times, you'll hear girls say, size doesn't matter. Yes, it does. It only matters if it's on the other end of it. What? Okay, I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. I do not. In other words, you do understand. I don't. I'm being honest. Okay, then I will take care of this. I will phrase this. Clean it up.

2:33:47The phrase is that you hear, and Kate, thank you for your patience. You hear oftentimes women will say size doesn't matter. Yes. Well, what LOB is saying, well, it does, but only if, and I'll put it in a very tactful way, only if it is the other direction. Got it. You get it. You get it. And in an extreme fashion. In an extreme way. I'm staying quiet. Now, when somebody says, oh, personality goes a long way, sure it does. But it only goes, but it only extends itself to a certain point. Guys become more and more attractive if they're funny, if they're smart, if they're kind. Only to a certain point. No, no. It doesn't work the same for guys and girls. I disagree with you because I think there's another factor. I think you have to have money, too. I think that money helps. If you have personality and a lot of dough, you're sick. I once met a guy and zero attraction whatsoever. Zero. And then we became friends because I worked with him and I was like, oh my gosh, I have the biggest crush on this guy. The biggest. Sienna, I worked with you. I was a babbling idiot when I talked to you. I couldn't even talk to Sienna. I would go... No, you didn't. I have a great personality. If Sienna...

2:35:11If you gave her a million dollars, she wouldn't have gone out with you. You were married. You're not her type. Nice, Sienna. No, no. Good save. Good save. No, I'm just saying. I'm just saying. It depends on the right characteristics. And if you weren't acting like yourself. That is true. Yeah. I'll tell you. Sienna's like, thanks. Bro. Bro. Mike. I used to be a sharp cat. I did. 10 years ago. 12 years ago. I was a sharp, sharp cat. I'm pudgy. You're not. I'm white. You're still a handsome man. I have boobs and that fat. Put your shirt down, please. Well, it's because you have big jugs. What? Taking photos from a phone with a flash. Miserable. Yeah, absolutely. For anyone. Yeah, I actually look good in that picture, but it's the only one. We wanted you in it. Do what? You kind of sold yourself short that night, though. I did? A little bit, because when it came up to you guys. That's right. You don't want the kid in there. She wanted Mikey. No, that's not true. You guys hearing what she said, though, she had to go ask a professional baseball player.

2:36:29If Mikey and Woods from The Mikey Show would get a picture with him. Do you realize that people are fans of Louie Anderson, the comedian? Nobody is a fan of Louie Anderson. That's not true. That's not true. There are people that are fans of Gallagher, okay? And if they saw Gallagher, they'd be like, oh my gosh, I am the biggest Gallagher fan. They would take their shirt off and be like, Gallagher! Well, no, maybe they wouldn't do that, but they would, you know, they love... Gallagher, but that doesn't mean they want to kiss Gallagher, or that they ever would kiss Gallagher. There's plenty of women that want to kiss Gallagher. I bet we can both take her out on a date. No. You guys don't need to take anyone on a date. Listen, I'll say this hypothetically. I'm speaking of this, telling you that I have a wife whom I am in love with, and whom I, you know, all I'm talking about is the soberness of my thought. I understand and can take inventory of who I am physically. Okay, Woods and Mike, be quiet. Kate, tell them what you think of each of them. Please. She's not going to be honest. She won't be honest. Yes, she is. She's on the spot. Then why did she call in? She wanted to be on the spot. That's why she called. So be quiet, both of you, and Kate, you go. Okay, well, this is a hard one, but out of all honesty, first, I mean, Mikey, I love you. From time to time, more often than not,

2:37:55I might have to go with Wendy. Yeah. Well, hello. Hello. No. Duh. No. She's not saying duh. Are you kidding me? She said it's a hard one. It's a hard, that. But. Is it? Is it? Yes. Woods. What? That's not a valid question. You can't ask somebody, who would you go out with, Mikey or Woods? There's girls that would go out with you first. Yeah, they're called chubby chasers. No. They're girls who have a fetish. But she also listens to a radio show, and she's saying, more often than not, I'd choose Woodsy. Why? Because of how charming and funny he can be? Yes. Exactly. And, Mike, you say all the time that you're more awkward out in public, and Woods is not. I'm not. She met him out in public where you know is not your strength. Plus, Woods always talks about how he packs heat. Yeah, he does. She met him out in public. She met you both. unlike me, was taller than her. Ken also gives hugs. He's a likeable guy. He's also handsome. He's also very handsome. You can have the best looking guy in the room and if he's a D, you're like, eh, he's ugly. I know a lot of D's. Hey, bro, he's still going to close business, but it ain't going to last. You're not going to want to date him. Yeah, you won't date him. Yeah, they do.

2:39:24I used to be, when I was a kid, I was like the nicest guy. I was like the Mr. Nice boyfriend. And how did that work out for you? Terrible. Then I get cheated on. Then I realized, have a little bit of an edge. Be a little bit of a jerk sometimes. It works. Yeah, not when girls get older, though. They're over it. I'm kind of a jerk to my wife sometimes. She still loves me. Well, she married you. Thank you, Kate. Bye, Kate. She's stuck. Bye, guys. We love you. Well, now, listen. I counted the number. of, uh, calls that we got, uh, you know, of the women that said, listen, if you were single, uh, you know, yeah, I would be interested. Now we counted them. All right. Now we'll be honest. It was more than I thought. There was zero calls. All right. There were, there were zero. Mike. Sienna Farrar. Mike. Zero. You need to stop it. You need to stop it. I know I have a good personality. I'm fine with that. This is not a self-esteem issue, isn't it? It's a... Maybe they just don't want to be disrespectful to your wife. That's not... We're speaking in hypotheticals. There's no disrespect. This is not a...

2:40:41I want to go out with you. We're not setting up a contest. Remember that one time the girl called in and was like, if you weren't. If you have to start a sentence with, remember that one time. The girl called in and said, if you weren't, she said, if you weren't taken, you'd be my type. And me and Sienna filleted her. That's right. Oh yeah, we were really upset. You guys are crazy. Do you guys remember? Do you guys remember? And I'm being serious. That girl had never seen me. Yeah. She'd never seen Mike. Didn't matter. A couple of girls have written in who know you and they've said, oh yeah, he's very handsome. Really? Oh yeah. Read the email. Read it. It says, I think Mikey is very handsome. My hubby is jealous because I talk about him all the time. There you go, pal. Signed, Helen Keller. Don't you laugh. Don't you laugh. You're not allowed. You're not allowed. It's a funny joke. Mike, stop it. Here's another one. Yes. There's a lot of fat girls out there who would love to date you if you were single. That was from a dude. Jay, you stop it. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to read that one. Mike. I do very well.

2:41:56In the heavy Latina community. We had a very beautiful M1. M1 Lush wrote in and said, get out of town, Mikey. You're a handsome fellow. She'd been drinking. I do not believe that she meant that. M1 Lush. I do not believe. Stop it. I do not believe that. I seen it with my own two eyes. For the record. I seen it. I seen it. I seen it. I saw it. Beautiful children and a gorgeous wife. This is not what the conversation is about. I know, but I don't want any hurt feelings. But beautiful children are not born of ugly people. You're right. They're born of beautiful blonde women. Moms. Beautiful moms. Stop it. Thank goodness for my wife's jeans. And her shirts. All right, all right. And there you go.

2:42:52We haven't even talked about the Miley Cyrus bong smoking thing. I know. We've got to talk about the Miley Cyrus bong smoking thing. We'll tell you next. Woods was literally jumping up and down. And did a flip. Was I? Did I? Did a flip onto the beanbag in the studio. Because Mike Sweeney texted Woods back. Sure did. What does it say? How about you come by my house on the way home from the studio one day soon. I'll tune you up in my cage. I'm serious. Much love to you, brother. How rad is that? He's the greatest dude, man. Such a good guy. That's awesome. Are you ever going to delete that text message? No, I'm not psycho. He's going to print it out and frame it. If you mean that, you'll hand me your phone and allow me to delete it right now. We don't have to delete it right now. You know what I mean?

2:43:59You can delete it later. Yeah, we'll just get rid of it later. He's changing his screensaver on his phone. You know what? He gets a 35mm camera and takes a picture of his phone. You guys are making me look like a stalker. He's a really cool guy. He's just a cool guy. I go, do you love him more than your wife? He goes, it's a different love. It's a fellowship. It's brothers, you know? Of bros. Of baseball players. It's a fraternity. You wouldn't understand. Okay? Baseball. players, we are an elite and special fraternity. You guys wouldn't get it. The way he started his speech to Jake Peavy and Mike Sweeney and Trevor Hoffman and David Wells. Woods goes, hey guys, we're here tonight for Angelina. We're here tonight for Dom and Amy. I just want you guys to know I'm going to introduce myself. My name is Steve Woods. I'm on the Mikey Show. I want to let you know a little bit about me. First and foremost, you guys, I'm a ball player. Okay? That's first and foremost. I'm a ball player. You want to know who I am? I'm a ball player. Wow. You have huevos, my friend. Yes, he does. And he launched into that story. It was hysterical. And if you've never heard the story, we were visiting the hospital to visit with Dom and Amy because they're a child.

2:45:24has cancer and we went to children's to visit walk in 30 people at least wall-to-wall people everyone's sobbing sobbing and uh i say a prayer and woods is crying i mean his tears are just are hitting his shoes floor man and uh a big hand big strong hand strong hand puts his hand on woods's shoulder and kind of pats him like it's all right buddy Woods kind of looks over at the guy. We all are crying. Having a moment. Is this the greatest story ever? It is. We finish the prayer and all you can hear in the room is it's just dead quiet except for sniffles. And Woods looks at this guy and says, you know, you look familiar. And the guy says, you look familiar too. And Woods goes. Why did he say that? Maybe he did. Maybe I did. Maybe he did. Vince Vaughn, maybe. I don't know. And Woods goes, you play baseball? And the guy goes, yeah, yeah. And he goes, Woods, he goes, the SDABL. What's SDABL? San Diego Adult Baseball League? He goes, no, my name's Mike Sweeney. I play for the Philadelphia Phillies. Oh, wait. Oh, you play that kind of baseball.

2:46:54Woods goes, Woods goes, oh. But now they're BFFs. So they talk. They talk. They laugh. Everybody laughs, kind of laughs about it. Yeah, at me. Of course. And then the laughter is broken up by a doctor coming to the room saying, hey guys, it's time to take Angelina and get her to a room where we can start to do some stuff with her. And everybody immediately, boom, we're all following the doctors down this hallway. And it was such an emotional moment. We're all kind of walking down this hallway crying and sniffling. Woods is walking next to Mike Sweeney. And Woods says, I see you playing that new Yankee Stadium. Monster. And Sweeney goes, yeah, yeah, I'm playing there. He goes, I bet it's badass. Look at how your relationship has grown. Now you guys are besties. Now you're going to his house.

2:47:58Of course, you'll be blindfolded so you can't find your way back. He's going to have you picked up in a private car blindfolded. Call in, Mike. Defend me. It's so great. I'm such an idiot. At one point at the end of the night, Woods had had a couple of glasses of wine and he goes, Hey, everybody, I just want everyone to say hi to my best friend, Mike Sweeney. It was a bit. You know what, though? He's an idiot that's going to be playing ball at an all-star baseball player's house. You're going to be playing baseball. He's going to be teaching you how to hit. For the greatest team in the league. That's right. What? Why did I just agree with that? I slipped that in there. By the way, found out for Mikey-thon, ProFlowers.com is going to be donating a year's worth of flowers. Oh, wow. Isn't that great? That's where my husband gets flowers one time a year. Valentine's Day. What? One time a year? Maybe try for two. Did I say that one out loud? Are we in the air? A couple times. Did it come in the mail and I got the door? I had to put the flowers together. You had to sign for it? Oh, yeah. That happened. Oh, yeah. That happened, too. I put them together. It was the day before Valentine's Day. What? Early? That is so awesome. Every guy.

2:49:20That's every guy's existence. See, I don't know if that's worse, or Matt gave me flowers for my birthday and didn't cut the bottoms off and left the rubber band on and stuck it in a vase. That's so much better than what's on there. But the next day they were dead. I got flowers for Jamie last Monday and had to do, I followed the instructions on the packet and had to do the bit where I cut it and put the food in. Right at the Vons thing, you just cut the Vons sticker off. Just cut that thing right off. Carnations? Pro flowers, though. They are legit. They are legit. They get a little bear sometimes. Oh, what a day. And what are they donating? A year's worth of flowers. A year's worth of flowers. Now, I don't know how they'll divvy it up, but it's pretty nice. That will be a lucky lady. Miley Cyrus, this is her 18th birthday party, and she's smoking a bong. Now, just so you know, just so you know, her people say that she was smoking... It looks like saliva, but it's slavia. Salvia. Salvia. Which is a natural herb, and it is legal in California. Yeah.

2:50:29It's probably a natural herb called marijuana, but... They say that it has psychedelic qualities. Salvia is way more gnarly than marijuana. Yeah. How do you know? I don't know from... I know it's... Duh. No, I've never done it, but I know it's like a fad around here, and you like black out and stuff. Yeah. Sounds rad. I know. It's legal. It's like really intense, and then it goes away quickly, but... Jamming some bush real good. This is kind of funny. Where is she? She's at her house in L.A. And this is five days after her 18th birthday. And you can see a bunch of people in the background. The person where this audio came from, it's video of one of her quote unquote friends. Yeah, nice friend. Videotaping and then releasing it. And Miley, this is where it's her bad. She knows that the video is going on because she's looking right at the camera and talking. She's so messed up. Yeah. And I mean, you can hear. So hot, man. Yeah. What kind of friend do you have? I know, right? Maybe you reevaluate that. Re-evaluate that friend. Hey, listen, I'm not saying, yeah, the friend is a bad friend for just releasing something private, but at the same time, you know my rap. My rap is, well, I got kids, and I don't want my kids saying, well, I love Miley. I grew up with Hannah Montana. I'm 16 now. I want to be like Hannah Montana. Hannah Montana smokes weed out of a bong.

2:51:56Well, I think it's your job as a parent. It's not Miley's job as a... It's always been the job of the parent. The problem, though, is that kids are impressionable. And it just sucks that... It sucks that Miley has to be Miley. But I think she's been trying to shake that for a while. Yeah, she has. She's done with Hannah Montana. She wants to be a big girl now. Yeah, she's like, I'm a badass. Christina Aguilera, they go through these phases. Mission accomplished. Yeah, mission accomplished. Harry Potter. I had never heard of Selvia. Never had. Never heard of it. Never smoked it, never heard of it. I haven't heard of it until recently, and I've heard it's really, like, I would not touch that stuff. It sounds really gnarly. Do you think she's smoking that, or do you think she's smoking pot? Either way. She's smoking, 100 bucks says she's smoking pot. I bet it is, Sylvia, because that's what all the kids are doing now. I think it is. And you can get it, like. And you can see when she's smoking the bong. I mean, she, like, inhales and then stops, and someone has to, like, tell her what to do, because she doesn't know to, like, keep going or what. Like, she definitely doesn't seem very experienced. Not very bong. Handy with a bong. Not handy with a bong. She was begging for it to get out, knowing that someone is holding a video phone in her face. Do you think maybe she was just messed up, though? Yeah. I don't think he... I don't know. She looks and sounds extremely messed up. Well, you're right. She wasn't thinking straight, but... Bad trip. I know my niece is 12. Loves...

2:53:31Miley. She's straight tripping, boo. Maybe you're right, though, Hillary. Maybe this is part of the shake the little girl image. Great. Don't look up to me, guys. Yeah, don't look up to me. I'm not a role model. Because she said, am I tripping, makes me think it's Salvia. I don't think you would say that if it was pot. She said it's a bad trip. If you've never smoked it before and you smoke a lot out of a bong, you certainly could. And she thinks that the guy filming her is her boyfriend. She's hallucinating. No, no, no. A guy walked in and she said, oh my gosh, is that? Yeah, and she was pointing at a guy that walked in who she thinks looks like her boyfriend, Liam. She's on a bad trip. See, I just don't see a 13-year-old kid, 13-year-old girl going, that's not cool. I see a 13-year-old kid going, that's rad. Yeah, and it's legal. And I want to. I want it. And that's what busts me. I know I was that way, man. I'll tell you what. When I was a kid, when I was in ninth grade, I read a book about Jim Morrison. And that was it.

2:54:30for me. And I didn't do anything until a few years later, man, but it was always... I knew I was going to get gnarly at some point. He flips that cigarette out the window. Yes, and Footloose. When I saw Footloose, I knew I wanted to blast cigs. I was in my 20s. I was in my mid-20s. Read Howard Stern's book, and I was like, yeah, that's what I want to do. I want to have lesbians in the studio, and I want to like... Me too. Oh, it was. That's a buzzkill. Does Achy Breaky Dad, does he do anything? Does he have any conversations? I'm sure, but then people are like, he and his wife, Tish, are getting a divorce. Miley's taking it really hard because it's not a good divorce. She has to pick which parent she hangs out with. That's what I did, man. My parents were off and on, starting when I was going into eighth grade all the way through high school. They finally divorced in my senior year. Hits you hard. Oh, yeah. I just...

2:55:39Rebelled. I rebelled so. Because you're like, what are you guys going to do about it? Yeah. You guys can't keep yourself together. You're worried about me. They're preoccupied with their own pain. My dad wasn't around. It's tough, man. Pretty much 18-year-olds anyway. Yeah. You read the stories all the time of kids whose parents stay together. That's why I've always said, and I really believe you can do a lot of stuff, but man, a lot of times it's rolling the dice. It's really rolling the dice with kids and just hoping that they make the next right choice. I didn't. God, I didn't. Boy. I didn't always. They're saying that the theory is that this video is on one of Miley's friends' phones. They're saying that it got stolen. Did it? Or someone copied the video. Did not get stolen. I mean, Miley's looking right at the camera. That's what's weird. It's not like she didn't know it was there. That's what I'm saying. And she's smarter than that. She should know. She knows better. She's world famous. World famous. Yeah. Well, we got to split. Hillary, what do you got coming up? Sex Pistols, New Everest, Black Keys, who were unreal on Saturday night. Florence and the Machine. Good stuff. Arcade Fire. There you go. Lovely and talented Hillary is up next.

2:56:53And we will come back tomorrow morning, 6 o'clock, and do this all over again. And by the way, when we come on tomorrow, there'll be one day, 23 hours, 55 minutes until Mikey's on. Mikey shows up.